Monkey Sri's Cartoon Round-Up

Animated TV shows - they're not just for kids anymore. Since the advent of The Simpsons lo these many years ago, it has become acceptable and even "cool" to watch cartoons ... in certain circles. And because I belong to all of those circles, I bring you: Monkey Sri's Cartoon Round-Up.

Probably the most popular example of adult cartoons is Family Guy. The same kind of people who were quoting Bart Simpson fifteen years ago (Don't have a cow, man!) are quoting Stewie Griffin today (Damn you, vile woman!). But while The Simpsons do, in general, try to end on a moral high-note, Family Guy has no such hang-ups.


Remember when they beat the crap out of each other? Good times.

Take the Simpsons and invert the kids (Chris is stupid where Lisa is smart, Meg is a push-over where Bart is brazen, Stewie is maliciously evil where Maggie is, well, a baby), add random pop-culture tangents, amp up the violence and sex and you've got the Griffins. My parents wouldn't let me watch The Simpsons when it first came on the air. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't approve of me watching Family Guy now, and I'm twenty-five.


Stewie says, "I may kill you tonight."

It's not the inappropriateness of Family Guy that makes me love it so, but that fact that it is perfectly appropriate for my age group. I'm young enough to enjoy bathroom humor but old enough to get Dick Van Dyke references, and Family Guy has both. And I'm not alone - this show was canceled and brought back not once but twice. It doesn't have so much a 'cult' following as an 'almost everybody you know' following. Plus, it's been banned in Indonesia, Taiwan, Vietnam, Iran, South Korea, South Africa, and Malaysia. Chicks Young people dig rebels.

So don't turn your nose up at Family Guy, either because its too childish or too adult. You don't know what you're missing.


A family after my own heart.

Fnngers Crossed!!!

Sometimes you hear a rumor, and it's so awesome, you just close your eyes and send out all your energy into the universe that it's true.

Well today buzz is starting to gather that NBC and DirecTV have reached a deal whereby they would split the cost of producing new episodes of Friday Night Lights. Episodes of Season 3 (!!!) would originally air on a DirecTV channel with follow-up presentations on NBC.

More details can be found here and here, but OMG please let it be true!!! This small-watched show (and I mean small) is one of the best things on television. It's hard to explain to those who don't watch how big an impact a show about such a small town can have, but if you haven't seen it before, check it out online, or get the first season on DVD. It's about so much more than football.

Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can't lose.

Really, any of those three would have been ok.

The votes are in, the results tallied, and the winner is...Christian! Last night on the season finale of Project Runway, Christian, that loveable snarky scamp, managed to charm the judges with his fierceness and take the top prize. Which makes him both the fan favorite and the judge's favorite. Nice little bit of synergy there.

With guest judge Victoria Beckham added to the mix (LOVE her, but not necessarily her style), Heidi, Michael, and Nina hemmed and hawed and finally crowned Christian the winner. It was a bit of a surprise, I think most people had pegged Rami as the one to beat since the season premiere, but really, I would have been pleased with any of the final three.

Though Chris March (my favorite) was not among them, all final three designers showed beautifully executed, surprising, fashionable pieces. While Rami's was my person favorite, due to the wearability, elegance, and use of color of his collection, all three designers put forth collections that could have taken the win. No Project Runway contestant has yet to top Jay McCarroll's first season Bryant Park showing in my mind, but the three collections shown last night, though inspired by a similar military style, were distinct and well-done. I tend to agree with the judge's critique of Jillian's collection as discordant, and I was not bowled over by Christian's reliance on black and taupe as his palette, but overall the quality of work was amazing. It looked like a REAL fashion show, and not just some reality show finale.

So congrats, Christian!

Just in case you were wondering, here are my two favorite looks from the show last night, both from Rami's collection. First my favorite "fantasy" (as in, nobody I know could ever have occasion to wear something like this) piece:


And the "everyday" (as in, if it was available, I would run out and buy this right now) piece:

I could totally wear this suit to work, like, tomorrow. Love that draping, Rami-style!

And here is a round-up of some of the best post-finale linkage:

Bravo has a gallery of all the pieces from the collection, and of course, Tim's Take.

Project Rungay has, as usual, awesome content on everything PR.

And Jay McCarroll's blog on Elle.com makes me snort water out my nose whenever I read it. And apparently, he has a documentary about a year in his life coming out. Can't wait to see that!

See you next season, you fierce bitches, you!

Riddle me this, gentle readers. How does one go from this:



To this:


Seriously. That's Brian Austin Green, y'all. I am shocked. Dude is HOT.

Despite my lukewarm review a mere few weeks ago, since BAG (heh) has been added to the cast, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles has really upped its game. The two-part season finale that aired last night was tense, well-plotted, and other than the obscene amount of commericals FOX decided to tack on, I really enjoyed it.

I am a bit disappointed that my initial prediction that John Connor would bang the hot she-Terminator within the first 5 episodes was wrong, but I am holding out hope for some BAG on Sarah Connor action next season. Assuming the show comes back.

My only advice for the next season: dial back the drums on the soundtrack. I get that you want to incorporate it from the movies, but geez. I feel like I need a freakin Motrin after watching it.

Rags to "Riches": Not Quite a Cinderella Story

IMDB bills The Riches as, " A family of crooks assume the identity of an upper-middle-class suburban clan in the Deep South." Maggie and I were discussing this show the other day, and why we both (initially) gave it a pass. Nothing about it really grabbed our attention. Plus, I thought it would be a ridiculous farce with Minnie Driver and Eddie Izzard pretending that their British accents were fake, "faffing about" with a supporting cast of hillbillies.

3.8 million viewers for the pilot and one Emmy nomination later, and it still took a friend's recommendation to get me interested in this show. I don't know what my problem was. After watching my first episode, in which the Malloy family barely manages to pull off a huge con and the audience is made to feel sympathy for a sex-addicted former sports hero, I knew there was something special about this show. After watching my second episode, in which a little boy dresses in drag to a dinner party and illicit drugs are snorted off a terrifying woman's chest, I knew I was hooked.


Stealing the American Dream, one hapless victim at a time.

I should have remembered that Driver shined as the female lead in Gross Pointe Blank, one of my favorite black comedies of all time. And no one can have as whimsical a stage persona as Izzard without harboring a secret dark side. He probably refuses to recycle and hunts kittens for sport. Incidentally, the idea that the youngest son of the family, Sam, likes to wear his sister's dresses (reportedly) predates Izzard's involvement with the project.


"You there - cake or death?"

The Riches is actually a deeply disturbing and wholly engrossing send-up of the All-American Good Life. The Malloys, modern-day gypsies, are cast out of the caravan in a power struggle with their fellow 'travelers.' After being involved in a fatal car accident (well, fatal for the real Riches), they are presented with the opportunity to attempt life as 'buffers' - ordinary people. The family is resistant to the idea, but they follow their struggling patriarch on this madcap adventure because they don't even consider doing anything else. Their devotion to one another (amidst death, destruction and the cynicism of other travelers and buffers alike) is like an unexpected hug. Heartwarming.


I have no idea what's going on here...
but I can't wait to find out.

And there's so much more to this show that I haven't even mentioned - the beautiful music, the colorful traveler terminology, the amazing cast. So Netflix season one and mark your calendar for season two (Tuesdays at 10pm on FX, starting March 18th). You can't afford to miss The Riches.

Secret Boyfriend of the Week

As my esteemed colleague wrote a few months ago, Make Me A Supermodel is like crack. Not only is it extremely addictive, but it's also clearly a poor person's drug. This isn't a genre known for being classy. But I would argue that the contestants, rather than being retarded fame whores like OTHER reality shows, mostly seem to be normal people who actually have some modeling ability. Notice I said "mostly."

So this week, TV Sluts is sending a shout-out to Ronnie, the obviously talented, obviously pretty, and obviously model-esque participant on Supermodel. Not only do I love him because he's hot (duh), but he has shown that he can handle himself with class, grace, and poise.

For those of you who are uninitiated, Ronnie has developed certain feelings for Ben, his straight and married roommate. While the producers keep trying to make us believe that Ronnie has an evil plan to break up Ben's marriage, turn him gay, and run off with him, I think most viewers have figured out that Ronnie sees Ben as a good friend whom he also happens to harbor a big-fat crush for.

I make this suit look fierce.

This past week's episode saw a new side of Ben emerge, however. Apparently Ben is very "competitive," and to him this means that it's ok to spew insults at people and make homophobic comments. While I, like Ronnie, believe that these comments were not borne of malice and are probably considered normal ways of communicating among hetero supposedly-macho males, it was very offensive. But instead of yelling and screaming and carrying on as most reality stars would, Ronnie talked to Ben in a rational and mature manner, and secured my affections forever. Seriously, his ability to make Ben aware of how hurtful his comments were without making a big production out of it was surprising, especially for television.

So, Ronnie. Welcome to the Secret Boyfriend of the Week pantheon. I hope you win and become a supermodel for the ages.

You know how you can tell he's awesome? No popped collar.

Why did I not watch this show before now: Gilmore Girls Edition

It seems hard to believe that I have never seen the Gilmore Girls. Crackling, witty dialogue? Check. Plucky heroines who make constant pop-culture references? Check. Unresolved sexual tension? Check. So how come this show never made it on my radar?

Maybe it's because it started airing when I was in school. Or because it was on The WB at a time when the other thing that channel had going for it was Buffy. Or...I don't know, because life is crazy and I just never got around to it so leave me alone, ok?

ANYWAY. Since my Mom has been laid up at home for several weeks recovering from a heart attack (she's doing fine, but this accounts for my lack of updates lately), I got her a gift subscription to Netflix. Imagine my surprise when she said the first thing she wanted to see was Gilmore Girls. Apparently, she recorded the show every day on her DVR since it is running in syndication. Our discs arrived and we settled in to watch the Pilot.

Yeah, so I officially love this show. It's just so clever. And my Mom must have thought I had lost my mind when I busted out laughing when a very young Jared Padalecki (of Supernatural fame) popped up on screen with late 90s skater-hair. And don't even get me started as to my reaction when Chad Michael Murray appeared. I believe the words "loathe" and "douchebag" were used. Although I'm not sure my Mom knows what douchebag really means. But I'm sure she was able to figure it out from the context.

Doesn't this hair just scream 1997?

I'm almost done with the first season, and I have to say I am surprised at how quickly a clip the show moves along. So far Christopher has returned, Luke and Lorelai have almost gotten around to asking each other out, and Rory and Dean have already gotten together and broken up. How are they going to drag this out for another 6 seasons??

It is, of course, not a huge surprise how the story ends. As someone who follows television, I couldn't help read about major plot points as they occurred, or be aware how the series closed out. But I don't think that it has affected my enjoyment of the series thus far, and I am hopeful that nothing will change.

You just wish you were as cool as them.

And in a side-note that I am sure Selvi will appreciate, the big love-interest of the series is played by Scott Patterson of Aliens in America fame. Something for everyone!

High Def War OVER

In case you missed it, there was a "war" going on between HD-DVDs and Blu-ray discs as the format of choice for high-definition movies. And just this month, according to my sources in Techno-Geekdom, Blu-ray finally won out. Why should you care? I'll tell you why - compatibility. Blu-ray discs don't play in HD-DVD drives.

Personally, I don't know how I feel about high-definition. Sure, it makes it seem like you're really there ... but that takes away some of the magic. The Fantasy of Television will be much more difficult to maintain once we can count our favorite actors' nose hairs. Like the Rise of Mac, however, I fear that succumbing to high-def is inevitable. That's why this "war" is such a hassle - if you're going to make me switch, at least tell me what to switch to. Not since the "VHS or Beta" debate of the late 70's has incompatibility been so relevant to our day-to-day lives.


Ah, Betamax ... I'm sure there was something good about you.

Blu-ray had been pretty much kicking HD-DVD's ass, pwning 77% of the market shares. The killing blow was struck at this year's Consumer Electronics Show on February 19th. There, Sony (the backers of Blu-ray) announced a $400 million deal with Time Warner for the media giant to switch exclusively to their format. Soon big names like Paramount, Best Buy, Wal-Mart and Netflix were hopping on the Blu-ray bandwagon. At the end of the day, Blu-ray claimed 93% of the market shares and HD-DVD had no choice but to throw in the towel. Toshiba and Microsoft, the original proponents of HD-DVD, announced that they would no longer manufacture/support HD-DVD drives.

For all of you who invested in HD-DVD drives, look on the bright side. Sony's Playstation 3 plays Blu-ray discs. That's as good a justification as any to finally buy yourself a gaming console. Who's up for a little Guitar Hero?



--

Thanks to my brother for all the information. More can be found here.

Oscar! (the grouch)

I love the Oscars. But I love them more in theory than in reality. I would much rather look up the fashions on the internet the next day, read a list of the winner and peruse youtube for the best moments. Because in real life? People forget how boring the Oscars really are.

Aside from one surprise win (Marion Cotillard for Best Actress), everything played out pretty much the way we expected. And while I love Jon Stewart and laughed out loud at many of his quips (including the Gaylord Titler bit), I wasn't blown away. I think he's a great host, but I think he played it a little safe.

I WILL say that him bringing out Marketa Irglova to give her speech after the commercial break was one of the classiest, nicest, best host-like things I have ever seen on an Oscar telecast. I wold feel safe in predicting that Mr. Stewart will make a return to the Academy Awards as a host in the near future.

Tilda Swinton was funny, Steve Carrel was funny, many things were funny, but not much was hilarious or surprising. What I did really enjoy was seeing the clips of past winner and past speeches. It helps put things in perspective. And I totally teared up again when they showed Halle Berry's acceptance speech. I can't help it! It was moving!

As for best dressed? Helen Mirren. AGAIN.


I mean, she just looks amazing. Like I have said before, it's easy to look hot when you are 28 and have a perfect body and a stylist, but this woman is in her 60s, and still looks GORGEOUS.

News to me...

So, apparently the writer's strike has been over for a week now. Who knew? We here at TV Sluts have had a lot of unrelated-to-television drama in our lives, so I apologize for the delay. Here is an invaluable link: When's My Show Coming Back, Yo?

The highlights -

Aliens in America: Eight pre-strike episodes remain and will air March 2 to March 23 and April 27 to May 18.

Burn Notice: Production on Season 2 expected to get under way in late April. New episodes could start airing as early as July.

Heroes and Pushing Daises: No new episodes expected until fall.

Supernatural: Final pre-strike episode airs Feb. 21. Expected to shoot 4 additional episodes to begin airing on April 24.

Ugly Betty: Expected to shoot 5 new episodes to air in April/May.


You're welcome.

Before I post my thoughts on the return of Lost (and whether it managed to address my previous concerns), click on this link and try out the Sawyer nickname generator.

My nickname: Brainpan.

The best part is the little heart underneath your nickname. He's not trying to be mean, he's just keeping it real. And being real to Sawyer means being a total douchebag. I'm sorry, nothing will ever make up for him squishing the frog last year.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chroniclezzzzzzzz

Hey! Its that new show! With Not Gay Zach from Heroes, and River from Firefly, and...that chick from 300. Is it good? Yeah! Really good? Eh.

So, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (T:TSCC) has had about 3 shows on now. I feel that is enough to be completely judgmental as to its performance, don't you agree?

I remember reading the reviews of this right before it aired. Most people agreed that it was everything the Bionic Woman was not. A refreshing look at a some-what stale franchise. After all, it had been several years since T:3 came out, and I think we can all agree that the movie was meh, at best. And it didn't feel like the public was yearning for some new terminator mythology.

Despite the glowing reviews and the writer-strike starved wasteland that was new scripted shows, I was only so-so excited about T:TSCC. And despite liking the pilot and subsequent episodes, I am still only so-so about it. Nobody is more disappointed by that fact than me.

For those of you unfamiliar, here is a brief synopsis:

Based on the heroine of the Terminator series of films, Sarah Connor (Lena Headey), The Sarah Connor Chronicles begins where Terminator 2: Judgment Day left off. Sarah had just vanquished the Terminator sent from the future to kill her son, John (Thomas Dekker). Now, Sarah and John are alone in a complex world as fugitives as they constantly look over their shoulders for more enemies from the past, present or future that could attack them at any time. Tired of running, Sarah opts to go on the offensive against the Terminators set on ending her life, as well as the world.

I mean, the show has some great action scenes. Watching River, oh, I'm sorry, Cameron, kicking anybody's ass is pretty exciting, but other than that...*yawn* The sub-plots just aren't doing it for me. It's pretty much been the same thing, "we gotta get John ready for the apocalypse instead of being a whiny little brat like he is...we have to track down people who might be rebuilding SkyNet...blah blah blah." And then Cameron wails on somebody.

Am I being unfair? Probably. But unless someone is getting their face pounded, my attention wanders during the show and I find myself working on something else while I watch.

I'm not even sure this is the kind of thing that needs to be fixed. Unlike Reaper, that needed to move its plot and mythology forward, T:TSCC seems to be doing just that. I guess its non-violent parts are just not my cup of tea. Which is why there are 3 gazillion other channels. And I'll keep watching this show, but it might languish on my DVR for a while before I get to it.

The soundtrack with all the drums is all kind of awesome, though.

So, a Spartan, a not-gay-teenager, and a psychic assassin walk into a bar....

Strike Watch, Episode VI

If you believe in Christian theology, Angels in America has the potential to be a powerful religious allegory ... or, possibly depending on your denomination, a dangerously blasphemous parody. If you reject Christian theology, this HBO miniseries depicts the elaborate fever dream of a dying man. Whichever way you take it, it is absolutely captivating.

Angels in America is the story of Prior Walter (played by Justin Kirk). Recently diagnosed with AIDS, Prior is visited by an angel. This angel informs him that he is a prophet and charges him with the task to halt the world's progression towards the End of Days. As he grapples with this revelation, he must also deal with being abandoned by his lover and with the devastating reality of his disease. Throughout he is heart-wrenchingly human, and one of the most lovable characters imagined.

"I believe I've seen the end of things, and having seen I'm going blind
... as prophets do."

Angels in America started it's life as a play, and it shows. The complex and meaningful dialogue, the heart-stopping imagery, the sweeping storyline all recall the the grandiosity of the theater and help the message transcend the usual banality of the small screen. As in the theater, most of the actors play multiple roles. Such talents as Meryl Streep, Al Pacino, Mary-Louise Parker, James Cromwell and Emma Thompson lend the show major star power.

"I am the continental principality of America! I am a bird of prey!"

So, regardless of the beliefs you hold or the beliefs you think you hold, add Angels in America to your Netflix queue. It is a rare and beautiful spectacle that must be witnessed. If only for the witty repartee.

Prior: [wrestling the Angel] I will not let thee go, except thou bless me! I will not let thee go, except thou bless me!
The Angel: You have prevailed, Prophet... Now release me; I have torn a muscle in my thigh.
Prior: Big deal. My leg's been hurting for months.

Happy Birthday, Maggie Cats!

We here at TV Sluts would like to wish Maggie Cats all the best today, her birthday! And what better way to celebrate the occasion than to blog about a very special person who was also born on this day? No, I'm not thinking of Elizabeth Blackwell (the first female physician) or Henry Heimlich (inventor of the Heimlich maneuver), or even of Dave Davies (from The Kinks) or Morgan Fairchild (of Dallas fame - also born in Dallas, go figure). I'm referring to the O.G. kid's show host, Fred Rogers of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood.

Pictured here with King Friday. Where did he come up with this stuff?

Imagine pitching Mr. Roger's Neighborhood today. "Hey," you'd say to the studio execs. "How about we get a grown man to take his clothes off in front of children? And then there can be this little red train that goes through a tunnel and into a magical make-believe world! The sidekick's named 'McFeely!' It'll be great!"

Security would've had you out of the building in 30 seconds or less.

Mr. Roger's Neighborhood belongs to a simpler time, when all you needed for a successful kid's show was a couple of hand puppets and a voice like auditory Valium. No need to teach the kids Spanish or force them to exercise with inane dance routines. Just talk about friendship and acceptance, feed the fish, throw in a documentary here and there and you're done!

Remember the trip to the crayon factory? Oh, man, good times.

And you know what? The show is still on the air. Fred Rogers was awarded several Emmys and Lifetime Achievement Awards. His red sweater is on display at the Smithsonian (ironically, he was red-green colorblind). And while he was never a Navy SEAL, he was one BAMF.

"I got into television because I hated it so. And I thought there's some way of using this fabulous instrument to nurture those who would watch and listen." Direct quote. LOVE.

Fred Rogers saw television not as it was, but as it could be. I can think of no one better to share a birthday with my oh-so-cynical, secretly idealist friend. Here's to you, Maggie Cats.

I have always wanted to have a neighbor just like you,
I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.

So let's make the most of this beautiful day,
Since we're together, we might as well say,
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
Won't you be my neighbor?

***
After writing this post, I discovered that Mr. Rogers was actually born on March 20th. Stupid internet. Oh, well ...it's the thought that counts. Right?

Linkage Ahoy!

Here are some tv-related links to keep you occupied:

EW.com provides a list of things to keep in mind while watching the Lost premiere tonight. No spoilers, just little recaps on events past.

Part I of a James Marsters interview...apparently he is back on Smallville tonight, but I don't know if even he is worth wading into those murky waters...

A sort-of, kind-of, possible Buffy reunion?

And last, but not least...

THE CUTEST THING EVER!!!

Life on Mars

Take a look at the lawman
Beating up the wrong guy.
Oh man!
Wonder if he'll ever know
He's in the best selling show.
Is there life on Mars?

Life on Mars is one the shows where the Brits can pwn our asses when it comes to tv. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that the Beeb is government-run and is essentially non-profit, so instead of dragging out series past the point of freshness, you get shorter, tightly plotted, well thought-out series.

Like this one.

Sam Tyler is a homicide detective in 2006 London. One day he is in a car accident and BAM! wakes up a homicide detective in 1973 London. He eventually determines that he is still technically in 2006, trapped in a coma, and is living out some bizzaro dream inside his own mind. Or is he?

Sam receives smatterings of people talking to him from 2006 through the radio, the phone, and the television, and these sequences are genuinely creepy and add to the “what is reality?” vibe of the show. The weird little girl who speaks cryptically to Sam about “going home” doesn’t help matters. But little girls are always creepy. See: Supernatural, The CW.

Sam is awesomely played by John Simms, who made a big splash on Doctor Who in the third season. And he looks totally hot in his signature leather jacket.



Speaking of which, the clothes on the show are amazing, as is the 70s soundtrack. Again, the Brits really take the time to do stuff right. But I think the best wardrobe prize goes to Liz White, who plays Sam’s love interest, Annie Cartwright. Girl can really rock a vest.

As with Mad Men, what struck me about the show is the casual racism and misogyny of the 70s. Sam is always appalled by the culture around him and the show does an amazing job of making you believe that he is really a modern man stuck 33 years in the past.

I came into the show in the second (and last) season without seeing any of the first. It took me no time to get caught up and even less time to get addicted. The finale of the show, which I won’t ruin here because I loved it, is certainly controversial, but to me, felt extremely satisfying. Did I mention the second season is only eight episodes? What better way to resolve some strike-wariness?

I'm A Supermodel Apologist

When did "reality" TV get so unavoidable? I remember the good old days ... I was free to heap scorn upon The Real World and other shows of its ilk for being meaningless drivel that only the most vapid of teenage girls could be induced to watch. And while I hated the programming itself, I loved how elitist I felt by not watching. It was a win-win.

Take The Real World, turn up the attractiveness a notch and make all the challenges about walking around in your underwear, and you've got Make Me A Supermodel ... and I'll eat it with a spoon.

Yummy.

It helps that they're up front about it. I mean, episode one had the models wearing swimsuits (and for two lucky contestants, thongs) down the catwalk.

You can't tell, but his butt cheeks are hanging out.

The third episode had them doing boudoir shots.

Afterwards ... *uncomfortable silence*
"How about those girls? Pretty hot."
"So hot. I love tits."

If anyone is taking this show seriously at this point, I despair for the future of humanity. Sure, it's nominally a competition. But the audience votes on who in the bottom three gets eliminated ... via TEXT MESSAGING. When I heard that, something broke inside my brain and I found myself genuinely intrigued by Make Me A Supermodel.

My #1 pick: Jacki. Of course, I like ears that stick out a little bit.

Maybe that's the key to enjoying reality TV - giving up. Giving up on meaning and going full-force for entertainment. Realizing that reality TV has nothing to do with reality, and everything to do with ratings. What healthy red-blooded individual wouldn't want to see extremely hot people crawling all over each other? And what lazy, thick-headed TV blogger wouldn't want an excuse to spam you with pictures of attractive models?

Now that's a win-win.

Torchwood: our first and only line of defense. Y'all, we are so screwed.

It's no secret that we here at tvsluts had major issues with the first season of Torchwood. Despite the presence of Captain Jack Hotness, the characters were all really unlikeable, really dumb, and all the OMG CARDIFF!!1!! scenery in the world couldn't save it.

Although the second season premiere (which debuted on BBC America this past Saturday) seemed to hint that Season 2 would be slightly better, the show still managed to be just so-so, mostly due to the clunkiest expositional dialogue I have ever heard. James Marsters (Spike from Buffy) was awesome, I'll grant you, but it's gonna take a lot more than a one-time appearance from one of my favorite actors to get me entirely behind this show. I will say that Owen did not bug me hardly at all during the episode, although I did cheer when he got shot. Some habits are just too hard to break.

Having said that, enjoy these bloopers from Season 1. Too bad the real actors seem so much more interesting than the characters they are forced to portray.

A Truth Univesally Acknowledged...

It is a truth universally acknowledged that young ladies in possession of a good mind must be in want of Jane Austen adaptations. Just look at how many women have watched and rewatched and REWATCHED BBC's Pride and Prejudice. I mean, sure Colin Firth is totally hot, but you've also got the costumes! The witty conversations! The ridiculous parents! The awesomeness of Lizzy!

This blog is not the time or place to dissect why modern women are still so attached to the trials and tribulations of Austen's heroines, but it is the place to mention that Masterpiece Theatre has embarked on The Complete Jane Austen. For the next several weeks they are going through Austen's complete works and showing movie versions of her books.

So far the results have been hit (Northanger Abbey) or miss (Persuasion). According to our friends' across the pond who have already seen it, Sunday's Mansfield Park is probably going to land on the miss side of the spectrum. But this seems to be mostly due to the perceived miscasting of Billie Piper (from Doctor Who) as Fanny. I'm reserving judgment, but in my mind, even lame Austen is better than no Austen at all.

But, PBS? You know I love the host for these shows, Gillian Anderson. But get that girl some personality, STAT. Also? The intros you have her reading are lame. So fix that, and we'll be straight.

... and that is why I love him

I was surfing through the channels and I came upon a Fox News anchor (*gag*) saying, "Who cares about the TV writer's strike? Not one single person I know cares!" My first thought was, "Is that how he does his research - by asking people he knows? That explains so much!" My second thought was this: "You know who cares? JERRY O'CONNELL FUCKING CARES."

Boyfriend of the week: Sock Edition.

As mentioned previously by Caroline, Reaper had a great pilot. And then it kinda went....meh. At leaat for me. I confess that I am about 3 episodes behind on the show (things got busy around the holidays and I am still trying to catch up on my DVR backlog), but even though my interest in the main character and premise waned, the thing that kept me watching was Sock. Or Bert "Sock" Wysocki, if you're nasty.

He's not the average pinup. He's overweight, is not too bright, and has kinda gross facial hair. But you know what? I would totally have him as my boyfriend. He's hilarious, would be awesome to sit around and drink a beer with, and is a great dancer.

And occasionally, he does things that are really sweet and meaningful. Basically, he's a shlubby Hufflepuff. And who doesn't love a good Hufflepuff?

Sometimes, you just want someone around who's fun.

From India, With Love

While I was in India, I realized I had a unique opportunity. Not to learn about my heritage or to see the sights in a wonderful, ancient land. Not even to spend time with family I hardly ever see. Puh-lease. Been there, done that.

This time, while I was in India, I watched television.

My favorite show, hands down, was Sa Re Ga Ma Pa L'il Champs. This is a children's singing competition ("Sa Re Ga Ma Pa" being the first five notes in the scale - like "Do Re Me Fa So" - and also the title an adult's singing competition that ran from 1995-2005). Now, I am not a fan of American Idol or the forty-seven billion American shows of its ilk. But L'il Champs combines the cuteness of children ages 7-14 with ah-mazing Indian music and some really heartwarming teamwork. That's right - even though they are in competition, the kids of L'il Champs often provide back-up for each other, if their song calls for it. And isn't that more fun than watching Simon Cowell make grown men and women cry?

"But Sri," you might say. "I do not speak Indian."

After I finish berating you for not knowing that there is no such language I will calmly explain that you don't need to understand Hindi (or any of the hundreds of other Indian languages) to enjoy L'il Champs. I know about four words in Tamil and Kannada, all relating to food, and I love this show. Here is the basic format, so you can follow along:

1. Theme song, sung by the contestants and filmed on-location in their various hometowns. Adorable.

2. Sometimes they will start off with a group song, with all the remaining contestants singing and dancing around. Last week's episode featured the title song from an upcoming Bollywood film, Sunday. For those not in the know, Bollywood is another name for Bombay and the center of the Indian movie industry. Bombay + Hollywood = Bollywood. Ironically, we now call Bombay "Mumbai." It's all very confusing, and entirely irrelevant.

3. Introduction of the judges. There are two regular Mentors, famous singers who grade the kid's performances. I haven't seen anyone get anything below a B+, possibly because the contestant would be so shamed that he or she would try to commit ritualistic suicide. Indian kids are hardcore like that. The Mentors give the contestants constructive criticism, which must be hard to take on national television. Hang in there, L'il Champs! There are also guest judges, like Bollywood film stars, whose sole purpose is to praise the kids and drop random phrases in English (possibly to make them seem more worldly?).

4. One at a time, the children sing a short song, usually from a Bollywood film. In India the music industry is basically divided into Bollywood film songs and classical/folk music. At least, that is my understanding. Anyway, after receiving their critiques and grades, the contestants give instructions on how to vote for them. Repeat this until you're out of L'il Champs.

5. There's also a host, but you don't need to worry too much about him. Even when I can follow along with the banter, I find hosts pretty useless.

You can watch full episodes here, and the latest episode is here. And of course let me not forget the official website .

Go. Watch. Vote for Vasu.

2007 Top Ten, redux

Well, I'm clearly late to this game, as both Maggie Cats and Monkey Sri have lapped me on the whole "Best of 2007" thing. And, as you may have noted, it is no longer actually 2007. That's not gonna stop me, though, folks! I'm slow, I'm slack, and I've been woefully absent, but I am here for you in the '08. To wit, behold the Official Dissident1L Best O' 2007:

10. Reaper. The pilot was just pitch-perfect; I don't know how much of that was attributable to Kevin Smith's "association" with the show, but after the first episode, Reaper nearly dropped off my radar. The plots stagnated; the characters got stuck in the same mildly entertaining schtick. But I've got to hand it to the PTB; somebody listened to my prayers, and the writers jettisoned the lame-ass "who's the evil soul?" song and dance and finally pulled their tunnel vision off the boring Andi/Sam "relationship." It took a long time to hit its stride, but Reaper was finally delivering on the promise of its pilot. I hope the strike doesn't erase its chances to prove it can sustain.

9. Heroes. Lucky for Kring & Co., I'm considering new episodes airing in all of 2007. It's refreshing to know that Tim got the memo re: the Wondertwins and the deadening suck of Hiro in Japan. Because, my god. That shit almost moved you down to #10, heroes. But I just can't quite turn my back on this show. It's just too gorgeous, too sweeping, too colorful, too sprawling, too big. It's a great big flying circus of a show, and here's hoping Season Three sets it back on the straight and narrow.

8. Moonlight. I've already told y'all of my deep and abiding love for Jason Dohring. And I clearly have a weakness for vampires. This may explain most of my love for this show, honestly. It sure ain't the acting skillz Alex O'Wassname (TM Annie) brings to the game, or the crack dialogue, or the Misunderstood DA Boyfriend. Maybe it's the way Sophia Miles squares her shoulders and just wades in, or the is-she-isn't-she back and forth of Morgaline's cure/not a cure. ...Or, hell, who am I kidding. It's Jason Dohring. He's that good, y'all. Seriously.

7. Supernatural. Sam + Dean + blood & guts + scary monsters = win.

6. The Office. Look, I watched Meet the Parents through my fingers. This ain't my thing. I hate watching people in uncomfortable situations. And yet, I got so hooked on The Office I made Joe watch half a season with me in a single day, because I couldn't bear not knowing, not being there. I've never even had a particularly terrible office job such as Dunder-Mifflin (although my last boss was a study in How Not To Treat Other Humans), but something about the show just clicks with me. It's not even just Pam and Jim -- the whole thing just cracks my shit up. The moments barely heard under the pillow are worth it for the LOLZ.

5. Project Runway. I worried for this show in S.3; the designers ran the gamut from boring and derivative to openly hostile. The challenges didn't do it for me, and I hated every minute of that goddamn neck tattoo. But! Season Four looks to be a return to form, with likeable, talented designers who seem genuinely willing to help one another out and have established a camaraderie in the workroom that was sorely missed the list time around. Plus, Chris March is back! Love him, love Kit, love Sweet P, love this show.

4. Doctor Who. Hrm. A tall, tousled, gorgeous doctor with hipster glasses and Chucks to match his slim-cut suits. Can't imagine what I'd like about that...

3. Chuck. Again with the tall, geeky, and gorgeous. Beyond that, though, Chuck takes a random conglomeration of seemingly tired, traditional elements -- lame sidekick, slacker-yet-scary boss at the big-box store, hot Asian computer chick, orphaned siblings, rampant punny banter, tiny droplets of action and suspense -- and manages to cook up something rather more than the sum of its individually-awesome parts. Which reminds me! Two words: Captain Awesome. Oh, and two more: Adam Baldwin.

2. Gossip Girl. I would kill for Blake Lively's hair. Seriously, watch it for the shoe porn alone. I haven't read the books, and god knows I am no friend to the voiceover, but somehow, here, it works. This show is a ridiculously over-the-top, lavish, lascivious, succulent, saturated romp. Cotton candy laced with cognac. LOVE.

1. Veronica Mars. Y'all, this is quite simply the best show of 2007, and handily makes my Top Five TV Shows Of All Time. Sharp, witty writing; believable, heartbreaking, ambiguous characters; and some of the best acting the small screen has ever hosted. Veronica sticks with you, and it's not just the casually tossed-off one-liners. It's not even Jason Dohring. (Well, not just.) The story, the pacing, the mystery, the heart of this show are simply unparalleled. Brava, V. You are missed.

Networks = Fail.

I reject reality television. I reject the hastily thrown together, slap-dash, poorly constructed substitutes for scripted television that the network producers are attempting to thrust onto the viewing public. I reject the banal, socially retarded, poor excuses for human beings that think that appearing on a reality television show will assure them fame, fortune, and a reason for living. I reject anything that will lessen the affects of the strike on the network heads and lengthen the time the stage crews are out of work as they are caught in the middle between the corporate suits and the writers. I reject FOX. I reject NBC. I reject ABC. I reject CBS. I reject CW.

I reject reality telelvision.




But does Project Runway count? I mean, it was on the air before the strike.

Strike Watch, Episode V

Once you watch the first few episodes of Freaks and Geeks, you will understand why it has become a cult classic. The characters are compelling, the plots are delightfully twisted, and the morals are not heavy-handed (or even unambiguous - which, of course, I love). What you won't understand is how NBC could have made the colossal mistake of dropping the series with several episodes still unaired. Was Freaks and Geeks, a coming-of-age comedy set in the early 80's, ironcially ahead of it's time? I don't think so. That distinction is reserved for another series cut down in its prime, My So-Called Life. Maybe this is an emerging pattern. America couldn't handle Angela Chase's or Lindsay Weir's truth.


Do we make you uncomfortable? Good!

I will always remember "The Little Things," in which Ken (played by Seth Rogen, now of Knocked Up and Superbad fame) is told by his girlfriend that she was born with ambiguous genitalia. His resulting crisis of sexual identity is both hilarious and heart-warming. It resolves when he bursts in on her band performance to let her know he accepts her as she is ... at the top of his lungs from the back of a crowded auditorium. Classic.

Except, not really. Name one other television show that has dealt with that particular issue in a similarly direct and compassionate manner. I'll wait.

And that's the real power of Freaks and Geeks. It wasn't afraid of taking on this big, weird, frightening thing we call growing up. Though the title characters are (by definition) outsiders, this show makes us realize that we are all freaks, we are all geeks. And the sooner we embrace that, the happier we'll be.


Well, maybe not happier, per se.

Greatest Holiday Movies Of All Time

Since my "best of 2007" list is basically a copy-and-paste of Maggie's (give or take Lost and Aliens in America), I thought I'd share my list of greatest holiday movies.

1. Nightmare Before Christmas - I know what you're thinking. "Sri, isn't this a Halloween movie?" Well, yes. But it is also a Christmas movie, and beneath its purposefully grotesque exterior lies a powerful message. Growing up, I felt like an outsider because my family didn't celebrate Christmas. Eventually my parents gave in to the begging and we started to observe an inauthentic parody of the holiday - tiny fake tree, present, cards. It wasn't until I was in college that I realized... caroling and cookies do not a holiday make. Not to say there's anything wrong with caroling and cookies, because I still love both. This movie articulates the realization that we can enjoy the holiday spirit and season while staying true to our own traditions.

We are all unique little snowflakes. Har.

2. Love Actually - So many amazing story lines, so little time! And while everything ties together, not every ending is happy one - things are messy, like Christmas. Like love. *cue sappy violin music* It doesn't hurt that the cast list reads like page 47 of my diary, "British Celebrities I Want To Make Out With." Colin Firth, Hugh Grant, Kris Marshall ... pretty much everyone except for that little blond kid, because that would just be gross.

Thomas Sangster says, "Ew."

3. A Christmas Story - Bet you didn't know that this movie was directed by the man behind Porky's (the O.G. teen sex romp) and Black Christmas (slasher flick about a psychopath terrorizing a sorority house over winter break). The same disregard for delicate suburban sensibilities that makes for good smut/horror serves Bob Clark well in this off-beat holiday comedy. Ralphie, for all that he is the product of 1940's middle-class middle-America, is one twisted little bugger. And that is why we love him.

Can you blame them for not wanting to arm this kid?

4. Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer - Rudolph's story began with a poem penned in 1948 by Robert L. May as a promotional gimmick for Montgomery Ward department store. Shortly thereafter Johnny Marks (May's brother-in-law) put the poem to music, and it became an instant holiday hit. In 1964, NBC aired Rudolph for the first time - and a stop-motion classic was born. Expanding on the song with such characters as Yukon Cornelius and Hermy the Misfit Elf, this movie basically takes a fun idea and runs with it. While the sequels (Rudolph TRNR and The Island of Misfit Toys, Rudolph's Shiny New Year, Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas In July) never faired as well, Rudolph definitely deserves a spot on anyone's best-of holiday list.

So cute, I just had a brain aneurysm.

5. While You Were Sleeping - Call me cheesy, but I'm a sucker for a romantic comedy at any time of the year. Plus, this movie resonates with anyone who has felt lonely during the holidays. The flip side of all this Christmas cheer is that people who aren't surrounded by loved ones feel all the more isolated. Sandra Bullock does a great job as a woman tempted to marry a man she doesn't love, all to bask in the loving warmth of his quirky family. And isn't that what the holidays are all about?

Awww... Wait, what?

Maggie's Best of 2007

Ok, time for the Best TV Shows of 2007. Actually, it's more of a Maggie's Favorite TV Shows of 2007, since there is no accounting for taste.

Let me be clear. I am not saying these are the best written, directed, acted, or in any way best made tv shows. But they are the ones that I can't miss. These are the shows I watch as they air, or within 1 or 2 days after, DVR, schedule, and god willing. And since it is for 2007, I am only counting shows that aired new episodes in either the spring or fall seasons. Also, since tv shows are like my children, I cannot play favorites. Therefore, the list is in alaphabetical order. Let's get to it!


1. Dexter

2. Doctor Who

3. Friday Night Lights

4. Heroes

5. Lost

6. The Office

7. Pushing Daisies

8. Supernatural

9. Ugly Betty

10. Veronica Mars (RIP May 2007....sniff)


Honorable Mentions: Project Runway, Battlestar Galactica, America's Next Top Model, Mad Men, Damages, and Robin Hood (BBC America rulez)

What have I learned about myself through this process? That I am a giant nerd. Who likes shows with cute boys. The end.

Jay MacCarroll and I have the same brain.

Because when Project Runway aired its Tiki Barber episode , I thought the same thing he did regarding Sweet P's disaster of a shirt. Specifically:

sweet p creates a gordon gartrell for her model. please tell me you remember the gordon gartrell episode on the cosby show where lisa bonet makes this wacky ass shirt for theo. a...maz...ing!!!!

In case you don't remember that epsiode, here is a pic:



And here is Sweet P's shirt:



OMG! Sweet P is a Cosby show fan! You can find Jay's thoughts about PR this season here, on his Elle magazine online blog. Hilarious stuff.

Seriously?

Ok, so y'all know we here at TV Sluts love Top Model. The catiness, the clothes, the (drugstore) make-up, the fake tans, and the weaves. Oh god yes, the weaves. And the busted, stank models. But this season...oh, I'm sorry, this CYCLE, it was just off. Basically, the whole thing was rigged. The girl who wins just HAPPENS to have attended Tyra's school for young ladies or whatever her T-Zone crap is. And she just HAPPENS to "spew rainbows" as my pick for the win, Jenah, so aptly put it. And she just HAPPENS to kiss Tyra's ever-expanding ass at every opportunity.

I mean, give me an effing break. Tyra and Company aren't even trying to make this show legit anymore. They pick girls who are like 5'8 and tell them they have a shot at becoming a model. They have the one token "plus size" girl and then rag on her for having low self-confidence while she is surrounded by skinny bitches all day who eat water and air. Their "runway show" in the season (cycle?) finale had an audience of four. And 500 Chinese extras on stilts. And remember the ghost brides runway from two cycles ago? GHOST BRIDES Y'ALL.

And I don't really have a problem with Saleisha, the winner. She's pretty. Seemed like a nice girl. But, a top model? No. Just...no. The producers of this show, and by producers I mean Tyra, take themselves way too seriously. I feel like she must be surrounded by yes men, who just tell her everything she says is brilliant. "Ghost brides? Awesome idea, Ms. Banks!" "Photo shoots where the girls pose as high-fashion gargoyles in spandex? Genius!"

But here's the thing. I like Tyra. I think she's a strong woman who has basically succeeded in every thing she tried, except for that whole singing career. Shake your body body body, y'all. But anyway, she's kickass. But also kinda detached from reality. But that's ok. It's endearing. Kind of like Forrest Gump. I think she genuinely believes she's making the next great American model and that it's the winners' faults for not becoming the next Tyra Banks. When really it's because they appeared on a reality show that did nothing to prepare them for an actual career in the fashion industry.

Basically, Top Model has now become a caricature of even its cartoonish self. Compare it to something like Project Runway that prides itself on its integrity and makes a real impact on the fashion world. But there's room for both. As long as Top Model realizes its place in the world as mindless entertainment. Think of it as the crazy bipolar gold-digging chain-smoking aunt of Project Runway, and we'll be cool.


Tootie FTW!

It's A Love/Hate Relationship

Sci-Fi channel, you know I love you. You show things like Doctor Who, Firefly marathons, and late-night anime (which I support largely in principle). Good stuff, no arguments here.

But then you do things like this: Showdown at Area 51. Two alien species decide to wage war, and hey! Isn't Earth, the BFE of the known universe, the bestest place? Of course it is. Besides the fact that this has already been done (in the case of Alien vs. Predator), the potential cheesiness is cringe-worthy.

Am I not getting it? I can't imagine someone green-lighting such monstrosities as Chupacabra: Dark Seas, The Poseidon Adventure, Man-Thing, and Basilisk: The Serpent King. Are these movies intentionally terrible? I would not call them Awesomely Bad, which can only be attained when a movie has the potential to hit Awesome but somehow misses. In contrast, Sci-Fi movies seem to just ... suck.

I'm not one to rant, but it's late and I've had to watch approximately 80 ads for Showdown at Area 51. Come on, Sci-Fi. Deep in your heart of hearts you know that no one wants to watch that shit. Give it up already.

Obviously, I need to go to bed ... right after "Bushwhacked."

I, like most youngish people, enjoy variety. It's the spice of life, and all that jazz. So I often sit here at work and set my Ipod on shuffle and see what happens. The results can be awesome, but they can also be really, really funny. Just now, that old classic, Shape of My Heart, by the Backstreet Boys came on. Remember when you couldn't turn on the radio in 2000 without hearing that song? So, anyway, it struck me. Shape of My Heart + Mylar = BEST FANVID EVER.

Seriously.

Don't believe me? Check out these lyrics:


Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, and kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

I'm here with my confession
Got nothing to hide no more
I don't know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart

I'm not a slasher, and even I know that is too perfect. Although you KNOW someone has already put that shit up on youtube.

This post contain mature language.

Or immature language. I guess that depends where "fuck," "cocksucker," and "cunt" fall on your personal vernacular spectrum. Because if you're watching Deadwood, pretty much every other word out of someone's mouth is "fuck." I mean, honestly, I had no idea its uses were so varied and it's ability to modify other words was so impressive. And I swear like a sailor. And I was gobsmacked.

It's easy to start watching Deadwood and become disgusted. As noted previously, it's full of the foulest language, and also has violence that makes The Sopranos look tame. But here's the thing about it: it's actually a really complex and really ambitious television show. The language is peppered with more than just profanity, it contains metaphors and sayings straight out of the 1800s. So imagine watching a Shakespearean play where every thee and thou is a fuck and all the characters are really really dirty, not just in language, but in actual filth.

So what is Deadwood about, you ask? The show takes place in post-Civil War times. Deadwood is a town in the Nebraska territory that was on the brink. When the show starts, it's known as a place with no law and gold in the hills. So, naturally, it attracts people who like that kind of thing. After HUGE gold deposits are found, the feds and other legit folk start to get interested, so the town begins to grow and local saloon owners (a.k.a. mobsters) are forced to wrangle with politicians, businessmen, and form an actual town government. It's a snapshot of a particular time in American history, when hypocrisy was as prevalent as prospectors in the hills, and it was impossible to tell the good guys from the bad.

But, in all honesty, the best thing about this show is Ian McShane. As Deadwood's resident top badass, Al Swearegen, the owner of the Gem Saloon, Ian McShane owned the show. His character had a unique moral code (as one character put it, "when Al's not lying, he's the most honest man I know) and in the course of one episode could slit a throat, appointed the town's mayor, sheriff, and fire marshall, and delivered a stunning monologue while receiving a blowjob from a hooker. Did I mention that his bar also was a whorehouse? The fact that McShane only received a Golden Globe during the show's second season is criminal, in fact, the entire cast was Emmy worthy. Which I realize is not the benchmark it once was, but you know what I mean.

Very few things in life scare me. This guy does. Yikes!

The surprising thing about Deadwood is how cerebral the show is. I mean, you figure drinking, hookers, murder, sounds like a good time-killer. Not so much. This show is The West Wing in the Old West. You know how West Wing was the kind of show you had to actually watch and not wander around your house while it was on? Imagine that show with LOTS of profanity, political maneuvering you don't understand, and so many plot threads that you often have no idea what the hell is going on. But it's so good, so deftly handled, and the characters and actors are so damn charismatic, it's worth the effort to translate. Oh, yeah Timothy Olyphant is really hot. If that's what it takes to get you to watch it, I'll do it.

Strike Watch, Episode IV

If you're like me, you're a big fan of the comedy folk rock genre. If you're not like me, order Flight of the Conchords on Netflix and you'll be an instant convert.


Scruffy and Adorkable

This whimsical comedy chronicles the adventures of Bret (facial hair) and Jermaine (glasses), the eponymous musical duo, as they try to make it in New York City. Interspersed with wild adventures involving low-budget music videos and shrinking leather suits are musical interludes that showcase FotC's true talent - a finely tuned appreciation for the absurd. Songs such as "Humans Are Dead" and "The Most Beautiful Girl In The Room" would make the show worthwhile, even if the rest of the writing sucked. Which it doesn't! So everybody wins.

Rounding out the cast are the group's number one-and-only fan Mel (Kristen Schaal), their long-suffering manager Murray (Rhys Darby), and token half-Indian chauvinist friend Dave (Arj Barker), along with a number of comedians in guest roles. Check out the songs and videos on this fansite (much more interesting than even the HBO website, IMHO). My personal favorite is "Hip-hopopotamus vs. the Rhymenocerous."

They call me the Rhymenocerous,
Not because I'm fat.
Not because I've got birds on my back.
Because I'm horny, I'm horny!
...
They call me the Hip-hopopotamus
Cause I got flows that glow like phosphorous
Poppin' off the top of this esophagus.
Not because I'm a water dwelling mammal from Africa called a hippopotamus,
I'm not a hippopotamus, I'm a hip-hopopotamus!
Where did you get the preposterous hypothesis that I was a hippopotamus?
Did Steve tell you?
What's he got to do with it?
Bloody Steve!