Tuesday, December 18, 2007


Ok, so y'all know we here at TV Sluts love Top Model. The catiness, the clothes, the (drugstore) make-up, the fake tans, and the weaves. Oh god yes, the weaves. And the busted, stank models. But this season...oh, I'm sorry, this CYCLE, it was just off. Basically, the whole thing was rigged. The girl who wins just HAPPENS to have attended Tyra's school for young ladies or whatever her T-Zone crap is. And she just HAPPENS to "spew rainbows" as my pick for the win, Jenah, so aptly put it. And she just HAPPENS to kiss Tyra's ever-expanding ass at every opportunity.

I mean, give me an effing break. Tyra and Company aren't even trying to make this show legit anymore. They pick girls who are like 5'8 and tell them they have a shot at becoming a model. They have the one token "plus size" girl and then rag on her for having low self-confidence while she is surrounded by skinny bitches all day who eat water and air. Their "runway show" in the season (cycle?) finale had an audience of four. And 500 Chinese extras on stilts. And remember the ghost brides runway from two cycles ago? GHOST BRIDES Y'ALL.

And I don't really have a problem with Saleisha, the winner. She's pretty. Seemed like a nice girl. But, a top model? No. Just...no. The producers of this show, and by producers I mean Tyra, take themselves way too seriously. I feel like she must be surrounded by yes men, who just tell her everything she says is brilliant. "Ghost brides? Awesome idea, Ms. Banks!" "Photo shoots where the girls pose as high-fashion gargoyles in spandex? Genius!"

But here's the thing. I like Tyra. I think she's a strong woman who has basically succeeded in every thing she tried, except for that whole singing career. Shake your body body body, y'all. But anyway, she's kickass. But also kinda detached from reality. But that's ok. It's endearing. Kind of like Forrest Gump. I think she genuinely believes she's making the next great American model and that it's the winners' faults for not becoming the next Tyra Banks. When really it's because they appeared on a reality show that did nothing to prepare them for an actual career in the fashion industry.

Basically, Top Model has now become a caricature of even its cartoonish self. Compare it to something like Project Runway that prides itself on its integrity and makes a real impact on the fashion world. But there's room for both. As long as Top Model realizes its place in the world as mindless entertainment. Think of it as the crazy bipolar gold-digging chain-smoking aunt of Project Runway, and we'll be cool.

Tootie FTW!

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