Like a Woman Scorned and Melted Into a Pile of Goo

Hey folks. It's your promised second recap of True Blood this week. Think we're all caught up now. Enjoy!

TL;DR: Eric and Nora escape the camp, however Nora's caught the Hep V. Eric begs for Bill's help, but turns out nothing can be done. Hail and farewell, Nora. Sarah Newlin proves the old "power corrupts" adage is true, although in her case she was always a little corrupt to begin with. She seizes control of the Gov's operations. Arlene gets wasted drunk to cope with Terry's death. Sookie returns to our dimension after her FaerieGlowSexathon with Ben. Jessica thanks the vampire who didn't rape her by having sex with him a lot. 

Recap: It’s another day in the VampCamp/True Blood poison factory and Eric, Nora (who’s been infected with Hep V) and Willa are desperate to get out of it.  Willa goes to grab Tara and Pam while Eric and Nora try to escape through the True Blood plant. The guards, however, are onto them and have sounded the alarm. Thankfully, one of those guards is Jason, still undercover and swearing up a storm. Eric and Nora hide under a shipping truck that’s leaving the facility and make a run for freedom.  Willa, disguised as a doctor, finds Pam and warns her not to drink any True Blood because of the contamination. Pam says they should only tell Tara and Jessica, arguing that if every vamp in the camp suddenly stops drinking the True Blood, the guards will know they’re onto them. Hey, she didn’t get to be over 100 by being nice, you know. Eric brings a rapidly worsening Nora to Bill and begs him to help. Nora refuses Bill’s blood, knowing that it’s actually Lilith’s, even if it means she dies.

Sarah Newlin is in her car listening to her favorite book on tape (“Elocution Classes for Spreading the Gospel, Chapter Three: Drop One Octave and Repeat.”) when she arrives at the Governor’s mansion to see all the guards gone and the front door open. She turns off the audio lesson (“When speaking, remember to be strong, but not assertive.”) and makes her way to the courtyard where Bill has thoughtfully left the Gov’s head resting near a marble statue. Sarah melodramatically breaks down in front of the carnage before deeming it “part of God’s plan” and swearing vengeance, kind of like a really bigoted overly-religious Batman.

“Vampers are a superstitious, cowardly lot.”

Later, Sarah has called a Senator to the Gov’ mansion to enlist his support against the vampire cause. The Senator would like to help, but remember how there’s this whole chain of succession thing in government and the Lt. Governor is now clearly going to take control. “I am not letting that RINO with his folksy bullshit come anywhere near this office,” Sarah assures him, cooking up a plan to hide the Gov’s death from the public and use the Senator’s people who are well-practiced at hiding the Senator’s “seedy lifestyle” from the public eye to help. (Flashback: the Senator, we remember, was carrying on a closeted sexual relationship with Lafayette back in season 1 and apparently the staff member who has accompanied him to this meeting has taken over the…ahem…duties.) They will say that the Gov was attacked by the vampires and is now governing from an undisclosed location, leaving Sarah and the Senator to govern in his place.

"I have old fashioned views about what two people should do after their love making due to the last time I did it was with a vampire demon lady about 6,000 years ago. Now when do we kill a wild boar?"

In MagicFaerieLand, naked Sookie! Naked Ben/Warlow! Naked nakedness being all naked in the naked afterglow. Ben in particular is looking forward to all the wedding stuff that is about to come. “You don’t think just because we had sex it means I’m going to marry you?” Sookie asks. She’s about to explain to him how modern, liberated women can have all the monster sex they like without needing to be carried over some kind of threshold when she suddenly is able to hear Arlene sobbing over Terry’s freshly dug grave. Sookie transports herself back, leaving Ben in the safety of the FaerieAfterglowSexLand. Arriving at the cemetery back in our world, Sookie comforts Arlene as Arlene tells her how Terry died.

Sam hears from Lafayette via a phone call about Terry before deciding to go back to Bon Temps despite the danger to himself from the Pack. He tells Nicole to keep running and stay safe, but he has to go back for Terry, right after he takes this conveniently sexy shower. Nicole, not one to be held back by a person she barely knows mourning his lost friend, joins him.

Back at the Bellefleur house, Arlene takes her anger out on Lafayette as he hands over the key to Terry’s safety deposit box. Andy helps to calm her down and goes with her to tell the kids. Sookie and Lafayette decide to open the safety deposit box and find an envelope with Arlene’s name on it containing a life insurance policy issued three days ago. They realize that Terry knew what was coming.

Inside the VampCamp, Jason has Jessica, who hasn’t realized he was undercover, brought to him in private.  He promises to get her out, but she fatalistically tells him that he can’t keep her safe all the time, although she would like to thank James, the other vampire who wouldn’t rape her, face to face, if Jason can bring him to her.

Alcide drops his father off back at his trailer. Pops tells Alcide about some property that just opened up next to his place that Alcide could take if he agreed not to go back to the Pack. Alcide says he has responsibilities, but his father tells him that neither of them are made for Pack life.

"Dad, I've betrayed all semblance of consistency so far this season. Do you really think I'm the right person to take out a property mortgage in this housing market?"

Nicole’s mother has arrived to pick her up at the hotel, which has to be awkward given that she’s found her daughter at a cheap motel with a strange man, but she seems to take it well. Makes you wonder how often she and Nicole have been in this position. Nicole tells Sam that she won’t tell anyone about him being a shifter and gives him her home number, asking him to call.

Jason brings James who, to his credit, is a little weirded out to Jessica. Jessica tells Jason she can’t thank him enough, but she needs some private time with the new guy. Alone, she tells James that when she arrived in the camp, she was convinced that she was a monster for killing Andy’s daughters, but his kindness helped her to see otherwise. Turns out for his good deeds, the doctors ripped out his fangs. Jessica tells James about the Hep V in the True Blood and tells him not to drink it when they offer. James waxes philosophical about much more he wishes he could do with his life, which is ironic considering the whole mortality thing. Moved by the spirit of Things We’ll Never Get to Do, Jessica confesses that she’s never had sex with a vampire, only humans. Convenient, huh? (In fairness, she tells him what’s so attractive about him is how, even as a vampire, his humanity has shone through, which isn’t something that she’s ever seen with the vampires she’s been with, which might be the first subtle thing True Blood has done so far this season.)

Don’t worry. The subtlety is followed by this. 

At Bill’s, Eric tries once again to get Bill to save Nora’s life, saying that he believes Bill has become divine and maybe possibly God. Bill tells Eric about his visions of the future he’s been having, including the one about the room where all the vampires die. Bill tells Eric they need Warlow’s blood, which is what’s letting Bill walk around in the daylight, if they’re going to save all the others. Eric promises to help, if Bill gives Nora his blood. Bill agrees, but Nora is unimproved. Eric concludes that Warlow’s blood may be Nora’s last chance.

Sookie and Lafayette bring the insurance policy to Arlene who is managing her misery the best way possible – with a bottle of whiskey in one hand and a PBR in the other. “I’m better,” she tells Sookie, slurring all the way. “Before it was like someone was scalping my brain away one slice at a time and plucking out my heart with a crab fork. But now, thanks to this, it just feels like someone’s crushing my windpipe.” Now’s not the best time to go over the policy, clearly. Of course, the real victim here is Adilyn, who by her own thoughts, is having something of a weird day. Sookie, however, can hear her and communicates telepathically before Holly’s teenage sons arrive. Know what could make this day even more awkward than the drug waitress grieving over her dead husband while being comforted by a twice-possessed gay medium in the kitchen and a couple of half-faeries in the sitting room? That’s right, teenage crushes. Stay away from her, punks - she'll be menopausal before you can even get to first base. 

But don’t worry, it’s going to get worse as Bill arrives right in the daylight. “Oh holy fuck,” Sookie sums up the situation nicely. Bill is there to offer his condolences to Arlene since Terry was technically his great-great-great-great-great-great-whatever grand nephew. Arlene is not at her best right now and it takes her a few minutes to comprehend that Bill is afoot in daylight. Bill offers more condolences to Terry, saying that his firstborn also died back before the Civil War so he knows there’s no greater pain. “Except for losing three,” Andy appropriately snarks.  But we’ve established Bill isn’t really here for the niceties, he wants to know about Adilyn. The tension and melodrama is getting a bit much and Lafayette heads for the door, muttering “I’m glad I remembered to take my beta-blockers.”

Everything about this image is amazing. 

Bill asks to talk to Sookie directly, ex to ex. He asks Sookie to let him have Warlow so he can save his progeny, which btw includes Tara and Jessica, two friends of Sookie’s. Bill tells her about the VampCamp and says they need Warlow in order to save everyone.

Speaking of which, back at the camp Pam has re-entered her therapy sessions. The Shrink wants to know why she doesn’t want to eat. Pam, playing up his discomfort, tells him it’s because she’s horny instead, not unsubtly unbuttoning her jumpsuit and reminding him of her sexual appetitites. “I was a whore in my human life,” she tells him, using the literal use of the word whore. “It wasn’t a coincidence.” The Shrink admits being very…um…interested in her specific sexual knowledge as a vampire and the next three minutes are ridiculous levels of double entendre moving rapidly to just single entendre as Pam agrees to sex in exchange for something she wants.

"No, seriously. I got paid for it. Let's not go thinking this means something, yeah?"

Sarah finds Jason in the hallway. She tells him that the Governor is dead and so is his influence and has his arm cut open and thrown into the women’s common room, which just happens to be full of starving lady vampires. Normally an entire room of women drooling for Jason’s body would be kind of like his ultimate turn on, but understandably, this time it’s different. Tara puts herself between the women and Jason, but the real day is saved when the vampire who saved Tara and Jessica a few episodes calls them all off, telling them “Ladies, he’s mine.”

Alcide, meanwhile, comes back to the Pack and tells them that Sam and Nicole have been killed and Emma returned to her grandmother. Nice try, Alcide. Too bad the “were-bitches” were a step ahead of you and have already captured Nicole and her mother.

Eric prays to Godric, his and Nora’s dead sire, in an attempt to save Nora. In the process, he remembers London in 1665 when he was sent by the King of England to fetch down a paramour of his who, naturally, happened to be Nora. Nora was tending the plague dead of London when she contracted the disease herself. Eric, impressed by her courage even that close to the end of her life, brought her to Godric to be healed and “live fully and forever.” Nora urges Eric to let her go, saying that she has lived fully before literally melting into a pile of gore in Eric’s arms as Bill watches. 

DO NOT WANT!!!

And Now, A Very Special Episode About STDs

Apologies, all - I'm behind in the True Blood recaps. The first of two this week, summarizing the two most recent episodes. We're definitely moving into the second half of the season with this one as shit is starting to go down and we even lose a (mostly) major character. Without further ado...

Because there’s never a time when this show doesn’t like to start us directly in the middle of the action, we begin this time with Lafayette (who, you’ll remember, is possessed by the ghost of Sookie’s father) attempting to drown Sookie in a river to finish what he planned on doing all those years ago – kill her before she could be taken by vampires. True Blood logic, everybody! Anyway, Ben saves her before anything can happen and forces Mr. Stackhouse out of Lafayette with his faerie light. GhostDad was hoping for a nice reunion but he pretty much ruined that. Sookie tells Lafayette to tell him to get out of her life forever. So basically she’s doing the same thing all girls say to their fathers at some point, it’s just delayed by about ten years post-puberty. And, you know, drowning.

"Just saying. Father of the Year Award nomination? Off the table."

In VampireDome, Eric and Pam prepare to stare at each other to death. Pam is none too pleased that Eric sired another vampire, but puts that aside to help Eric kill the guards who are watching the room with their guns and seriously freaking out the Gov, Sarah and Steve Newlin who are watching. Take Away Message here: don’t pit Eric and Pam against each other. Bitches will literally eviscerate you.

Bill/Lilith is calling Ben to him/her. Sookie transports her and Ben to the magic faerie dimension that looks like it was shot through a 1970s gauze filter to keep them safe.  Bill, unable to bring Ben to him, gets his professor in the basement to drain him of almost all his blood in order to force a hallucinatory meeting with Lilith.

Jason, pursing a long line of unfortunate choices, is in the VTF recruiting office where he comes on a little strong even for these folk, expressing a significant desire to “fuck these fucking fangers up.” “Why don’t I just go through the interview checklist first,” the recruiter offers. Either way it goes well with Jason providing a litany of what he knows about vampires and the recruiter meeting eagerness in kind and deciding to fetch his supervisor for approval. “Racist fucks,” Jason mutters under his breath as the recruiter walks away.

You know what would be awesome? More time away from the Sam/Nicole plotline. Unfortunately, we’ve got more of it. Nicole wants Sam to face up to who he is, stop running away with Emma, blah blah blah. Sam is doubtful. Yuck. At any rate, Alcide finds his father in the motel that Sam and Nicole are staying in. Pops and one of the “were-bitches” have been, ahem, passing the time but tell him where to find Sam and Nicole. Alcide HULKSMASHs his way into their room, but Sam and Nicole have gone already.

In the faerie realm, Ben tells Sookie that he needs her to restrain him before the sun sets so that he won’t hurt her. Sookie complies, using vines and her magic light to tie him down. Ben meanwhile expresses regret that Sookie had to find out about what her parents were planning. The touching reconciliation could go farther, but he starts to vamp out.

This is so going to go in an S&M-y direction, isn’t it? 

Andy Bellefleur has a talk with his surviving daughter who is about ready for a real name, especially because being called Number Four is kind of an uncomfortable reminder about what happened to the other three. He decides to give her the name Adilyn Braelin Charlene Danica, one name for each sister.

Lafayette is trying to recover from his possession-a-thon with the best way he knows how – copious drugs and crafting. 

For realz. 

He’s interrupted by Terry, who appears shaken (we know why) and gives Lafayette the key to his safety deposit box. Lafayette, rightly, knows something’s up but accepts the key and a very awkward hug from Terry. He also calls Arlene to let her know that her husband is wicked unstable. Arlene panics, worried that Terry will try to kill himself out of guilt from the war. Holly suggests using a vampire to glamour Terry into forgetting about what happened in Iraq, perhaps asking her son’s friend’s dad’s husband who is a vampire. “He owes me one,” she tells Arlene, picking up the phone to call before adding in a conspiratorial whisper, “they’re gay!” And see, True Blood, when you write shit like this it makes me want to fall in love with you all over again.

Sookie is getting the low-down from Ben – he was born in 3532 BC, turned in 3500 BC and he’s been waiting for her the entire time. Uh huh. “So, how did you think this was going to go?” Sookie asks, pointing out that showing up with a contract roughly 6,500 years after becoming a vampire and demanding that she be his faerie bride may not go over like gangbusters and you’d think six thousand years of planning would have yielded something a little more graceful. Like flowers and a box of chocolates, or something. Ben tells her that the contract was arranged in the 17^th century, but he’ll tear it up if she wants him to. He despises that Lilith made him a vampire and if Sookie was with him, it would be okay because with Sookie also a faerie vampire, they’d only need each other’s blood.

At the VampCamp, the Gov is getting smug over Eric being put to the True Death. He brings in Nora as a bargaining chip, saying he’ll kill her to make Eric understand what it feels like to lose someone close to him like the Gov feels now that Eric has “killed” Willa. The Gov’s scientist inject Willa with something they call “Hepatitis V”, which can be spread sexually, hence all that experimental vampire lab sex. They leave them both chained and facing each other.   

I really wanted this scientists to have a fake stereotypical German accent, but alas. He was American. 

Bill, through the help of blood loss, is able to meet with Lilith who tells him that The Tyrant took Jessica and “The Blonde” took their salvation and basically Bill is the biggest disappointment she’s seen which, given her age, you have to admit is saying something. Lilith warns him not to come to her again and instead he needs to grow a pair, man up and act.

Sam meanwhile has called Martha, Emma’s grandmother, to come get her provided that she’ll be kept safe from the Pack. Martha tells Sam that she’s left the Pack and seems genuinely grateful. Sam says what is probably supposed to be a heart-rending goodbye to Emma, but honestly since we’ve only spent like three minutes of screen-time on these two together this season, it’s hard to muster the tears. Later, Alcide catches up with them and gets pissed to see that Emma has already been taken away. Sam calls Alcide out, tells him to stop being a dick or come at him already. Alcide tells Sam to leave town if he knows what’s good for him and that Alcide may not kill Sam, but he won’t stop his pack from doing it.

Arlene and Holly welcome in the gay vampire (conservatively, but fashionably dressed, btw) to hypnotize Terry. Arlene asks the vampire to ensure that Terry remembers nothing about the war and only remembers his family and his civilian life. Finally, a life of happiness and contentment can be theirs!

"I'm sure our long-fought struggle for emotional and familial stability will in no way be undermined by actions one of us has taken without consulting the other."

Jason is regaling the VTF with his war stories about Rambo-ing the Authority last season when Sarah enters the room. Jason admits to her privately that he’s getting Jessica out and if she tattles on him, he’ll reveal her secrets as well. Willa, meanwhile, demands that her father put her with the rest of the vampires instead of solitary, despite the Gov’s insistence that she needs to be kept safe so that they can “fix” her.  

As Bill rejoins the land of the somewhat living, news hits that the Gov has made an agreement with the makers of True Blood to start up production again. Bill fears time has run out and swallows Ben’s blood, allowing him to go outside in the daylight for the first time in 150 years.

In creepy emotionally abusive news, Sarah Newlin isn’t about to take Jason’s threats laying down. Unlike everything else of his that she’s taken in that position. (hey-o!) She arranges for Jason to observe the vampire’s “copulation study” process from behind a one-way mirror. Naturally, one of the two subjects is Jessica. Her “study partner” is just as squicked out, insisting that he’s a vampire, not a rapist. He is hit with bursts of sunlight for protesting. Jessica sobs and tells him just to have sex with her to spare him, but the vampire with the heart of gold refuses. Sarah orders Jessica removed from the room.

At Merlotte’s Bar and Grill, Terry has a new lease on life and Arlene couldn’t be happier. Life is good! Terry gleefully going about his job, cleaning up the kitchen and taking the trash out. Which is when the shot rings out. Arlene runs outside to see Terry shot through the neck and bleeding out on the ground. She holds Terry to her as Terry slowly dies in her arms. Okay, I know I said I was tired of this plot last time, but man. Harsh.

Damn. That's cold, brah. 

The Gov is conducting a dramatic reading of the Bible when Bill invades his compound, wooden bullets flying right through him without harming him. Bill uses his new abilities to make all the guards shoot each other and demands that Gov tell him about the room where all the vampires are executed by the sunlight. The Gov doesn’t want to play, refusing information and saying that Bill killing him will just turn him into a martyr for the cause. “Cut off my head and another grows in its place,” the Gov warns. Bill decides to take his chances…and literally rips the Gov’s head off.

"Alas, poor Yorrick..."

Nora isn’t looking too good, the Hep V disease working into her system. Eric summons Willa from the common room, who glamours the pervy guard who tried to her to blow him last time into  taking her to the room Eric and Nora are being held. Eric and Nora dress in guard and doctor clothes and pretend to take Willa hostage in order to flee the facility, but Willa insists they get Tara and Jessica as well. In the search, Eric discovers that the facility is the True Blood bottling plant and that the scientists have been contaminating the new True Blood supply with Hep V. 

In the spirit of truthful things, Sookie is still talking with Ben and confessing that she knows that everyone in town thinks she is “a danger whore.” Ben snarks that he’s had the same problem, why do you think he lived alone for thousands of years? Sookie wonders if they’re right, given that she’s developed feelings for Ben and she’s at least finally aware that she’s got a pattern going. Then, to prove the point, she offers her blood to Ben, knowing he needs to feed. Him biting her leads to her biting him which leads to her removing Ben’s pants which leads the hot sweaty sexytime. As the two grind each other, they both begin to glow.

Offered without comment. 

Summer Laziness

So I know this review is about....(checks watch)....6 weeks too late, but I just couldn't help it. Blame it on the heat, blame it on laziness, blame it on whatever you want, but I just couldn't work up the motivation. It's nothing against the show itself, which I actually enjoy, for some reason I have just been stuck in a summer rut. But now! Look, a review of the CBS series, Under the Dome!

My Dad looked at me last week and said, "I figured out what bothers me about Under the Dome. It's the same plot as The Simpsons Movie."

Ok, fair enough. Yes, a giant dome descends over the town of Chester's Mill, which is also what happens to the Simpsons' hometown of Springfield. And wackiness ensues. But that's pretty much where the similarity ends. Also, the tv series was actually ripped off (I mean, adapted) from a Stephen King novel, so there's that.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the "naked skateboarding around the dome" scene happens in the season finale.

I get tired of saying that the networks are all looking for the next LOST, but once again, the ghost of the dearly departed series hangs over the proceedings. Basically, everyone is always trying to find the next big science fiction show that will leave the audience guessing and waiting breathlessly for answers. It doesn't hurt if there is also the potential for tie-in merchandising. While Under the Dome has much in common with LOST, from the mysteries to the large cast, we are thankfully spared boring flashbacks. If only Once Upon a Time took the same approach.

Alrighty, the basic concept is pretty simple. Chester's Mill is your typical small town USA (or is it??) and one day a giant invisible dome descends over the town separating it from the outside world. You can see through it, air comes through, but pretty much nothing else, including sound. Oh, and it interferes with electromagnetic signals meaning you don't want to get too close with your cell phone up against your ear. Your entire head could explode.

For the most part, I am pleased with the show. The central mystery (what is the dome??) is pretty interesting and I think the writers do a good job of teasing out clues. It's clear something sci-fi or supernatural-like is happening here, especially since some teenagers in the dome are having seizures and whispering creepy things like, "the pink stars are falling." Ok, then. There's also some indication the town elders, the sheriff, the councilman, and the reverend, knew something like this was coming and are involved in some way. I love a good conspiracy.

But where Under the Dome needs to improve is in its smaller character subplots. Some of them are truly ridiculous, like the crazy teenager who kidnaps his girlfriend and locks her in his bomb shelter. Yeah, it's THAT dumb. Or the lesbians whose daughter is full of angst and not pleased about being stuck in this small town for the foreseeable future. Actually, it seems most of the plots that bother me involve the teenagers. So less angst, more seizures for them please.

They always find a way to keep the pretty people apart.

I also had a problem with how the town as a whole reacted to the dome. With the exception of one dude freaking the fuck out, everyone just pretty much went about business as usual. Uh, excuse me? If this really happened, you know people would be rioting and stripping the local Wal-Mart of every piece of food and survivalist gear they could get their hands on. In Chester's Mill, people still wander around paying for shit and one guy's idea of stocking up is to buy an extra pack of cigarettes. Come on people, get with the program. How do you expect to survive a zombie apocalypse with that attitude?

But these are all minor quibbles. For the most part, Under the Dome has an interesting concept, and while it may not have the most diverse cast (except for the lesbians), there are a lot of characters I am invested in. Also, it's summer, so the original scripted programming options are kind of limited. If you want to catch up, I say check it out online or on On Demand and enjoy the ride.

 Did I mention that when the dome comes down it cuts anything in its way in half? Obligatory Twister cow quote: "Another cow." "Actually, I think that's the same one."

Under the Dome airs Mondays at 10:00pm EST on CBS. 

Why You Should Watch Breaking Bad

Breaking Bad returns to AMC for its final season on Sunday, August 11 at 9:00. I confess I've never seen the show, despite all the glowing reviews, Emmy awards, and friends who watch it. Last weekend at brunch, my friend Mike started waxing poetic about the show, and I managed to con him into writing a guest post about it. If I may paraphrase, the real draw of Breaking Bad is the main character's journey into villainy--not a hero's journey, but his progress from normal guy to full on criminal mastermind. Sounds awesome...which means I have some serious catching up to do. 

"L. of G. at last complete—after 33 y'rs of hackling at it, all times & moods of my life, fair weather & foul, all parts of the land, and peace & war, young & old" - Walt Whitman

To be clear, Walter White (Bryan Cranston) is the villain of Breaking Bad. If you consider that a spoiler, then you have watched too much television. In the real world, a meth dealing chemistry teacher cannot be a hero. You may root for him occasionally, but undoubtedly, the universe that Vince Gilligan has created would be significantly improved if Mr. White's lung cancer had taken him long ago.

It's so simple and obvious, but therein lies the brilliance of Breaking Bad. While Gilligan clearly respects the character, he has no love for the one going by the pseudonym of Heisenberg. Unlike other attempts at showcasing villainy, namely Showtime's Dexter, how far the character is willing to go is not determined by network renewals that simply stretch an untenable story or affection for the sociopath that you have created.

All too often, we are presented with an image of a villain, despicable and fully-formed: one that we can jeer at and declare far enough removed from our own lives that he is unrecognizable. His status as "bad guy" is not questioned. Walter White came to us a frustrated family man, a role that he still believes he is in. He has shown a willingness to kill innocents and children when it suits him. He has destroyed the life of his usual accomplice, Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul), especially when poor Jesse has shown any sort of affection. His general goal is to provide for a drug-addicted populace. But, at least in his own mind, he has always provided for his family.

As we await the August return of the family man who has taken a detour through the empire business, it is worth remembering that while every villain is a hero in his own mind, Breaking Bad succeeds by keeping Walter White from being a hero to the viewer.

 You got a problem with my life choices? How about I just shoot you in the head. 

Breaking Bad returns for its last season (technically the second half of season 5) on Sunday, August 11 at 9:00 EST on AMC.

Please Stop Saying "Uniball"

So. Have you missed your weekly dose of office intrigue since the sixth season of Mad Men ended? Folks, have I got a remedy for this particular type of summer malaise. It's called Suits and it's on the USA network, and if you haven't seen it, you need to get on board. And don't fall off said metaphorical boat. Like Pete's mom. Haha. Pete's mom. Who fell of an actual boat. Hahaha. Pete.

But I digress. Suits follows the exploits of young Mike Ross, who, while running from police a couple years ago, happened to fall -- or was, rather, pushed -- into the Harvard-grad-only-hiring law firm of Pearson Hardman. Mike, armed only with boyishly rakish good looks, charm and chutzpah, was hired by Harvey Specter, a ballsy, if somewhat dickish, attorney at the firm. 

No law degree? Criminal record? Young man, you've got yourself a job!

Long story short, one of these handsome devils is Don Draper. Not sure which. It changes every episode. 

Bestill my lady heart.

Harvey knows full well that Mike doesn't have a law degree of any kind, let alone one from Harvard, but he hires him anyway and allows Mike to practice law, allowing the firm to win case after case. Harvey lets his boss Jessica in on this fact, and Jessica also does not give a damn. If you can suspend your disbelief long enough to get into the show,  and you aren't expecting each and every one of these people to end up in federal prison, it's worth watching. If you can't, then, I mean...Come on...There's eye candy. Because I mean...

What's that you hear? Just me standing out your window and not being creepy in any way.

Oh and also:

He's so pretty, it makes me want to cry.

When we left our friends at Pearson last season, we saw no-nonsense lady attorney Jessica Pearson about to merge with British dandy Darby. There's all sorts of intrigue. At the end of last season, Jessica went behind Harvey's back, and Mike went behind Harvey's back, and Harvey went behind Jessica's back and Mike and Harvey stopped being friends and as this season opens, everyone is just pissed at each other. 

Okay, Zoe's on the show, too.

And yes, Firefly fans. That is Gina Torres as Jessica Pearson. She's traded in her spaceship pilot's license for a power suit and some bitch heels. Seriously, I love her. I love her characterization on this show. While it's obvious to anyone with eyes that Jessica is an unmarried minority female, no one mentions it or makes it into a big issue. Or an issue at all. It's almost as if...as if...as if she's equal to her white male counterparts. Like. OMG. Whouda thunk it? She's got these boys on a leash, and if one of them (*coughcoughHarveycoughcough*) plays her, tries to play or thinks about playing her, she will eventually turn the tables on them and get them right smack in the balls. RAWR. Grrr. And the whole time she stays sexy, but she has no interest in sleeping with ANY of these jerk-offs that she works with. Seriously, I love this bitch.

So, yes. Jessica's awesome.

But back to Mike.

Mike's having some personal issues during the season opener, because his erstwhile girlfriend, adorable paralegal Rachel, is mad at Mike because Mike revealed to Rachel that he's been practicing law without a degree. Then they banged in the file storage room. Up against some legal briefs. Cha-ching. You see, this is problematic for Rachel because Rachel wants desperately to get into Harvard Law, and we saw her be rejected at the end of last season. She tells Mike that if he ever wants to file her motion again, he needs to quit the firm. Mike is all ready to do that when Jessica hands him HIS OWN OFFICE as payment for siding with her against Harvey to push through the merger, and for his help with a lawsuit. Jessica, LIKE A BOSS, tells Mike that he's staying in the firm and he will be using this new office. Or. Else.

Rachel's angry with Mike for a while because he decides to hang onto his job, but then she decides what the hell and sleeps with him again. Can we blame Rachel? No. No we cannot.

We do have to give props to Rachel for feeling a modicum of anger toward Mike being total fraud. I mean, she is, after all, the only regular character on the show who displays anything resembling a realistic reaction to this information. But Mike's still getting tail out of it. So...a net win?

So, the merger with Darby goes through without too many glitches. Harvey starts to work behind Jessica's back because he felt Jessica betrayed him last season on the merger. Harvey's not happy with the merger, and makes an agreement with Darby that if Harvey wins the case that Darby assigned him to (with the help of Harvey's erstwhile lady friend, Scottie), Darby will allow Harvey to break his non-compete and end his contract. Meanwhile, Mike tries to get back into Harvey's good graces by clandestinely helping Harvey with his case. However, what Harvey REALLY wants is to take over Jessica's position as managing partner and oust Jessica in a coup. Oh, the game. She is afoot.

Suits airs at 10 p.m. Tuesdays on USA.

F*ck the Pain Away

Folks, subtly is not True Blood's thing. We know this. This week's episode, "Fuck the Pain Away", pretty much does exactly what it says on the tin. If last week brought back some of the humor, this week brought back the over-the-top sex. Enjoy!

Remember when Sookie cooked up a master plan to reveal to the big bad Warlow that she knew who he was by making out with him in a half-clothed state on her couch? Yup, we’re still there. Ben/Warlow says she doesn’t understand, she is his intended, he waited a millennia, blah blah blah. Man, guys will say anything to get laid, won’t they? He says he’s loved her for 1,000 years. “Then why did you kill my parents?” she asks. Ben/Warlow drops the bomb: he says he actually saved Sookie and that her parents were going to kill her on that bridge. “Bullshit,” Sookie says, blasting him with her magic fairy ball of light. Who is this strange blonde girl who looks like Sookie but finally asks discriminating questions of her vampire suitors?

Jessica meanwhile is freaking out after her smorgas-fairy-bord. Thing is, fairy blood makes vampires high and Jess has just done the equivalent of a speedball which is why she’s suddenly trying to make out with Bill, her sire and surrogate father. Jess, you have so many issues. In fairy vino veritas, you know? Anyway, right then, Bill feels the impact of Sookie’s fairy attack on Ben.

Sookie explains to Ben that he doesn’t love her, he’s just another in a long line of jerk Creatures of the Night trying to own her and he can fuck off and it’s all got this total second-wave feminism vibe, but then Bill shows up looking for Ben and finds them both in their underwear.

Awkward half-naked revelations? Must be Tuesday.

Ben tries to threaten Bill away, saying he’ll kill him, but Bill is all “Um, remember how I’m kind of Lilith? I’m totally your maker. Now scoot, you’re coming with me.”

Andy Bellefleur, meanwhile, has raced to Bill’s house just in time to see the remains of his four fairy daughters slaughtered in the living room. Jess hides in the closet while Andy understandably panics. Thankfully, one of the four seems to have survived! (Guess it’s a good thing we didn’t bond with the other ones by giving them names.)

Tara tells Eric that the Gov’s men have taken Pam. Because of an inability to plan for anything better, Eric and Tara agree to get taken themselves in order to find her. Pam, meanwhile, has been brought to the camp. On the way to her cell she sees that the camp is making vampires run on big hamster wheels, have teeth pulled and have superfast, kinda hot in a CGI way sex with humans. “All in the name of science, huh?” Pam asks. Thing is, you know the thing Pam’s pissed about most is being forced to wear that stupid prison jumpsuit.

Sarah Newlin has apparently been comforting the Gov from his very recent decision to commit his daughter to the Camp in a particularly sexy way judging by their removed clothes. Hey, Sarah says, I got burned by vampires, you got burned by vampires, clearly that means that we should have a baby together. But I need a ring first, I’m a good Christian lady. Except for when I was cheating on my husband with Jason Stackhouse. The Gov is still sort of grieving his daughter (she’s been undead to him for, what, an hour?), so he’s less inclined to Learn to Love Again, despite Sarah’s apparently considerable assets. Financial ones, I mean.

And, yes, the other kind too.

Bill bringsBen to the lab in his basement to draw some of Ben’s blood for testing,. In the process, we flashback to 3500 BC where prehistoric Ben and his prehistoric pregnant wife gather in their prehistoric nomadic tribe on the steppe somewhere. Tellingly, people in prehistory were just as attractive and bathed as the swamp trash in this universe’s Louisiana. Yay, continuity! Pre-history was also filmed through an instagram filter, just in case you were wondering. Things could have been beautiful for the budding family, if Lilith hadn’t been drawn to Ben one night when he was alone at the water and instantly had sex with him. (like, instantly, guys. No preparation – she just jumped into his arms and he was apparently set to start thrusting.) Lilith told Ben he was destined to save Vampire kind and turned him.

Jason finds sad, dejected Sarah at his front door when he gets home, though she tells him she has a “new, powerful man” in her life now. “That’s good,” Jason says to her genuinely, “because Steve turned out to be a gay vampire.” Never leave us, True Blood staff writers. Either way, Sarah is here to save Jason’s soul, by which she means, in her words, “God wants me to fuck you.” Jason’s been trying to walk the straight and narrow with women lately, but come on – we all know where this is going.

Right about here.

Andy brings his barely alive daughter back to the Sheriff’s Office and fishes some vampire blood out of the evidence room to feed to her, just barely managing to bring her back. She confesses everything, including Bill taking her blood. Later, Andy is about to hunt down Bill when Holly points out what a stupid idea that is and that Bill isn’t going to be stopped by a wooden bullet. Holly also agrees to lie and tell everyone that the girls “went back to their mama” rather than admit the truth.

In a run down bar, Alcide approaches a werewolf prostitute (spin-off show!) for information about Sam, but Jenny the whore doesn’t know anything. The rest of the bar is just as reluctant to help out. When his father challenges Alcide as to why he’s going to such lengths to find Emma, Alcide erupts, throwing him to the ground and kicking him out.

Jessica, still a little bloody and crying, rouses Jason from his post-sex nap, hysterical. She tells Jason what she’s done and confesses that it actually turned her on to eat a fairy. Jessica wonders if this reaction is because it’s the Devil’s work and what if Bill isn’t God after all, but the other one? When Sarah emerges from the bedroom, Jess recognizes her as Steve’s ex-wife and the leading bigot of the anti-Vampire brigade. Sarah calls Jess a whore and Jessica attacks, alternating between looking to bite Sarah and maybe do something kinda sexy with her. Sarah seems weirdly calm, quotes the bible and rescinds Jessica’s invitation to Jason’s house, causing Jessica to be thrown from the house into a cadre of the Governor’s armed guard waiting outside. Um… how dafuq…?

Eric is brought into a circular room with four other Vampires, one that looks suspiciously like the one Bill saw in his vision. It quickly becomes apparent that the room is designed to “scientifically” test the vampires in such a way as any that fail a test gets shot with the Gov’s special bullets. Because he’s Eric, Eric wins.

Pam, meanwhile, is being psychoanalyzed in a shrink’s office. Pam says she’s not going to talk about her feelings, but she is willing to try out that room where they’ve got the vampires fucking people. Pam’s a giver, really. If Pam agrees to talk, they’ll let her feed from a willing human donor. Pam requests a woman. 

Om nom nom

The Shrink wants to know what value she places on any given human life? Pam tells him in his case, none; he’s food. “And not even good food. You smell like tuna fish.”

Sookie finds Lafayette at Merlotte’s. Lafayette wants to know what she’s doing her “because it sure isn’t work.” Good to see the show has a sense of humor about how Sookie never actually makes it to her shifts. Sookie tells Lafayette about Ben and asks him to help her communicate with her dead parents to learn the truth.

Terry is reminiscing with Justin, an old war buddy, trying to keep it casual, but Justin isn’t a fool and wants to know what’s going on. Terry drops the bomb and tells him that he wants Justin to kill him on account of his ongoing war guilt. Clearly he’s not talked about this with Arlene who’s suspicious. Justin, who was a sniper in the war, agrees to kill Terry at some point in the next few days and Terry will never know it’s coming. Thing is, I like Terry and his post-war PTSD Iraq stuff, but Jesus I’m tired of this storyline. I’m almost rooting for Justin in this one.

In the hotel, Nicole tries to sneak out of the room when Sam wakes up. Nicole is getting a dose of what being a shifter is like, what with all the running and hiding and death.  When Sam checks on Emma, she attempts to call her parents from a payphone. Sam stops her, pointing out that if the Wolves find her parents, they’ll kill them. Unknown to both of them, they just happen to be at the same motel as Alcide’s father, who watches them curiously.

Jessica is brought into the Camp and finds Tara. Jessica is still coming down from the fairy blood and rambling about the Devil. Tara tries to comfort her as much as she can.  When Jessica turns down the government-rationed True Blood, the other vampires swarm her and Tara. The vamps are called away by a woman. “I guess now you girls owe me,” the woman says.

Next time, on True Blood...

Just then, Tara spots the guards bringing in Willa and puts two and two together about what’s happened to her. The guard brings Willa to her cell but not without offering to make things easier for her if she “gets friendly” with him. Daddy Gov isn’t going to be much help here, Willa.

Now that she’s had her fill of pretty girl, Pam is a regular Chatty Cathy with the shrink, spilling all sorts of info about how Vampires group and relate to each other. She tenses up though when the shrink asks about her Maker. She admits that Eric released her, but insists that she feels nothing for him anymore, waxing philosophical about how Vampires can take pain because of the promise of eternity. The Shrink isn’t convinced, however.

Jason decides to take matters into his own hands following the fall out with Sarah and joins the VTF, the Gov’s guards. Sookie and Lafayette, meanwhile, prepare for a séance to talk with Sookie’s parents, despite Lafaeyette’s warnings that this may not be awesome. Lafayette begins very undramatically (“Listen up, Dead Folks!”), shoos away a couple of the other spirits that want to talk. And that’s when the creepy starts.

"It's gonna get awkward if we have to do that Whoopie Goldberg scene from Ghost."

The room goes dark, lights go out. Lafayette tells them to “calm the fuck down.” Sookie listens to Lafayette’s thoughts, through which she can see her parents remembering Ben/Warlow coming to them years ago asking for Sookie, but her parents refused to give her up. Instead they took her into the car to go to the bridge with the intention of killing her, rather than let her be turned into a monster.  In the present, Sookie’s father possesses Lafayette and warns Sookie not to believe Ben when he says that he loves Sookie. He then subdues Sookie, taking her to the river in an attempt to continue to “save” her.

In Bill’s basement, Ben remembers going back to his village a vampire and, being unable to control himself around a bunch of half fairies, slaughtering them all. Except for one little boy who, natch, is Sookie and Jason’s Grandpa. And Warlow’s son. Yup.

In the Camp, Sarah has brought the Governor a “surprise” – Steve Newlin who show’s the Gov the vampire torture room with Eric in it. The Gov tells Eric that his plan didn’t work – the Gov isn’t sympathetic, in fact he’s imprisoned Willa. Eric is given a stake as a door opens and Pam is ushered in and the two are ordered to fight to the death. 

Two vampires enter, one vampire leaves...

I can't fight this feeling any longer.

Late Saturday night, I performed one last Facebook check before heading to bed. As I was scrolling down through the usual posts and photos, I noticed a link posted by a fellow music-nerd.

"Glee" Star Cory Monteith Dead at 31.

I gasped. I clicked on the link and read the article. And then I was sad.

Don't worry, this isn't going to turn into some long post where I wax overly poetic about Cory or his character on Glee, Finn. But his death has saddened me, actually more than I expected it to, and I couldn't let it pass without comment. Especially since we here at TV Sluts have always embraced our Glee love, even through the show's more rocky episodes and plots.

I actually had two personal encounters with Cory Monteith. Well, I say personal...but it was from a distance. Anyway, before the first season of the show actually aired, I was fortunate enough to attend the Comic Con Glee panel and hear him speak. It was clear he was overwhelmed by the excitement the show was generating and loved to interact with the fans. The second time I saw Cory, was when I attended a live Glee concert in Las Vegas. It was one of the most fun and entertaining shows I have been to (no, seriously) and Cory's energy was palpable even from the back of the arena.

At its best, Glee is a frothy ice cream sundae of fun and music, and Finn was one of the two main characters. He was part of the original cast and a founding member of the new glee club, and his romance with Rachel made up the core of the show. I remember spending the entire first season rooting for those crazy kids to get together. Last season, the writers pushed the idea that Finn was the glue that held The New Directions together, and he became both a leader and mentor to the new generation of kids. Whether the show successfully established Finn in these new roles isn't the topic of conversation today, what's important to note is that Finn was at the center of Glee.

So what happens now? EW.com has a few ideas for how the show should proceed. I personally wouldn't hazard a guess as to what is in store for the Lima and New York gang. I don't think anyone expects Lea Michelle (Cory's real life girlfriend) to get back to business as usual, and it's clear the show is going to have to make some massive changes to rework the stories in light of Cory's passing. At this point, it's not even clear if Glee will be able to return in the Fall on the currently scheduled date since it is likely they have already done a substantial amount of filming.

The one thing that is clear, is that Glee will not be the same. Love him or hate him, Finn was a big old teddy bear and without him there wouldn't have been any glee club at all. I don't know much about Cory Monteith, but I have read many of the kind things his friends and co-stars have had to say in the past few days. I  know he struggled with substance abuse, but was always open about his difficulties and his time spent in rehab trying to conquer his demons. For that I respect him.

Before I end with a video of my favorite Finn musical number, I just want to express that if you or someone you know is dealing with a substance abuse problem, please help them. Whether it's recommending treatment options or just being a friend who can listen without judgment, you can help.

Cory Monteith--Jessie's Girl

SHARKNADO SHARKNADO SHARKNADO

Halfway through Sharknado last night, the fire alarm went off. Before realizing that it was just wanting a new battery, I was halfway to the door and reaching for an umbrella. Because outside it was RAINING SHARKS.

Y'all, if you didn't see Sharknado last night, I weep for you.

I know one of the hallmarks of Syfy's creature features is that they don't wink and nod to their ridiculousness; the actors usually appear (to the best of their ... limited ability) to be playing it straight. But last night, we got this from one of the main characters, Nova: "We're gonna need a bigger chopper." At the time, she and Ian Ziering's son were piloting a helicopter filled with homemade bombs toward a tornado menacing downtown LA with SHARKS SUCKED UP FROM THE SEA. You tell me she didn't know what's up. Earlier, the "H" from the Hollywood sign had taken out a school-bus driver in the middle of his rant about having failed as an actor. Hollywood got him in the end -- get it?

I think that was what I loved best about Sharknado. It may not be the most ludicrous plotline Syfy has ever dreamed up (Mansquito anyone?), but it was certainly the most fun the network has had with its image. From the grainy film ("film"?) quality to the human-hungry sharks bursting up out of manholes to the CGI-ed sharknadoes themselves, it seemed like the filmmakers, and the good people at Syfy, were having a blast, not only completely aware of the absurdity of the plot but reveling in it.

I mean, they sent Tara Reid into a liquor store for survival supplies. 

It was such a perfect storm of genius insanity and marketing, too. Twitter collectively lost its shit last night at 9:00; everyone from Mia Farrow to Katherine Sebelius weighed in (hey, Sharknado injured: Obamacare's got you), and the LAFD reassured us all that they have a Sharknado contingency plan. During the movie, #Sharknado tweets were flying at 5,000 per minute.

And then at the end, just when you thought it could not get more awesome, this happened:



CHAINSAW-WIELDING STEVE SANDERS PLUNGED INTO THE JAWS OF A SHARK.

YES. That actually happened. I will leave it to you to imagine the rest. Or to wait for the sequel, because as Craig Engler tweeted earlier today, they're already in talks. I cannot wait.

PS -- Syfy is re-airing this masterpiece next Thursday, July 18, at 7:00. Do not miss it.

We Few. We Defiant Few. We Band of...wait a minute...

So, I don't know if you squirrel friends have been following the exploits of the intrepid futurescape that is Defiance. I have to say that I disagree with some critics' complaints that the show is "too complicated." I don't find the plots complicated at all. Maybe they're complicated if you're used to watching at least one explosion or sex scene preceding and following every commercial break. Don't worry, kids, Defiance still has plenty of that.

Kenya, my other subplots have shown me to be a ruthless killer. I'm sure this will not end badly for you. 

I haven't read a whole lot of reviews about the show, but having watched the entire season from start to finish, I have to say that, ironically, the show's major weak point in my estimable opinion is the show's leading man, one Joshua Nolan. He's supposed to be this rebel outlaw who breaks all the rules and lives by his own code and is his own man and doesn't follow orders and is rough and ready and tumbleweedy...and you get the point. 

The problem thus far with Nolan is that he's the least interesting character on the show. The writing staff has done a good job giving all the characters in the large ensemble cast depth and backstory, but this same treatment is lacking Nolan's character development. Instead of coming across as a Han Solo/Mal Reynolds archetype (which, if I'm not mistaken is the intent), he comes of as a hothead trigger-happy frat boy, who shoots first and...well, asks no questions later. He was supposed to be an Everyman, but the writers have made him so much of an Everyman that he's coming across as more of an idiot.  Nolan has shot at least two people on the show so far for no real reason (and then just kind of said oopsie) and that's fine if you want to make him a cold-blooded killer, but I don't feel that he is. He doesn't learn from his mistakes and I wonder how long the audience will maintain their sympathy for him as a main character, especially when so many of the supporting characters are so much more worthy of focus and development. I don't know if this is the fault of the writers, the directors or the actor himself, but Defiance needs to focus more on Nolan being a bad ass and less on portraying him as a moron with a gun. Side note: the actor who plays Nolan's other most notable acting credit is that he was John Galt in the objectivifest that is Atlas Shrugged. Oh boy. Ayn Rand. That's what we all need more of.

Yes, all this and I was a "friendly witness" at HUAC.

During the season finale, Nolan got his bad self shot and was way dead, but no biggie. Turns out that his adopted Irathient daughter, Irisa, is either a doomsday device sent by the aliens To Destroy Us All OR is River Tam. Or both. 

Yes, Irisa likes to get stabby, but Nolan is the only true parent she's ever known, so this evil superweapon/Jesusclock she has implanted in her back also brings back the dead. That's a pretty saucesome free app. Fuck you, iPhone 5. 

So, Nolan was dead for a while, but Irisa brought him back to life. Because that's never happened on a show before. I honestly thought they'd killed him off there for a while, though. I thought they were like, "You know, what? Nolan's not that interesting of a character. Next!" Nah, bro's got himself a contract. 'Sall good. 

Look, I know this is a bad time, but people on the internet are still discussing whether or not you're hot.

Anyhoosle.

So, I'm not going to go through all of the various plots and subplots from the first season. If you want to catch up on the show, it is currently on Syfy On Demand. 

The season finale continues the mayoral election plot that was set up a few episodes back. Missouri sweetheart and current mayor, Amanda Rosewater, is going up against the dastardly (or dumb?) Castithan businessman Datak Tarr, heretofore known as Lucius Malfoy. 

We want the Good Guys (Amanda) to win the election because Datak has been throwing all kinds of shade at both Amanda and Nolan, and he's also struck a deal with the Earth Republic which is, of course, REALLY FUCKING EVIL (RFE). 

Meanwhile, Amanda's sister, Inara Kenya, has been having some ill-advised sex with Datak's wife, Stahma, who is not AT ALL SHY ABOUT THE FACT THAT SHE IS REALLY FUCKING EVIL (RFE).  In a previous episode, Stahma tricked Kenya into setting up Nolan to shoot a Castithan teenager, as part of Datak's plan to malign Nolan and cause Amanda bad press. Kenya is angry at Stahma for Stahma's role in setting up Nolan and she is like, "I'm going to tell on you" and no, no, no you're not, Kenya. Stahma is just going to smack you. And by smack you, I mean kill you. Kenya threatens to tell Datak about her relationship with Stahma, thinking that Datak will be furious with Stahma. Stahma lures Kenya into the forest and tosses her a flask. Kenya refuses to drink, but then Stahma pulls some full on Shakespearean shit. Stahma tells Kenya that she put the poison ON the flask. Then Kenya passes out. Or dies. It's a little unclear.

Oh, my darling. What a terrible judge of character you are.

The Earth Republic is after Irisa because she's carrying a key or something that unlocks the aforementioned doomsday device/Jesusclock in her spine. They need this key, and access to Rafe MacCawley's mines, because there's a crashed Votan ship deep inside the mines and they need to access the ship and the doomsday device/Jesus clock that is residing in Irisa in order to activate the deathweapon and have ultimate power, rule the galaxy, subjugate all humans under their mighty fist and whatnot. 

Bring me River Tam!!!!

Irisa gets kidnapped by the RFE Republic and is taken to a makeshift tent, where Indogen physician Dr. Yewell is expected to perform surgery on Irisa to remove the doomclock key from her vertebra. This whole process is interrupted when Nolan and co. raids the RFE Republic camp to rescue Irisa and Nolan is shot and dies. 

J/k.

Irisa jumps into the ship, presumably to activate it. Because that's her destiny and suchlike. Then she brings Nolan back to life. She had had the key implanted in her back by some weird culty people because she's the Chosen One, and so now the evil allied gubbmint is after her. So. River Tam.

So, unsurprisingly, Datak wins the election, but all of that goes directly to hell when he murders an Earth Republic rep. Stahma finds Datak with the body during all the post-election fun, and they are presumably arrested by the Earth Republic peeps. However, that doesn't automatically forfeit the election to Amanda. The Earth Republic takes over the mine, and after Datak is discovered they take over Defiance as well. DUHN-DUHN-DUHN.

As far as season finales go, this one was pretty decent. The show overall is a solid B, and the season finale is what one would expect from a show if its caliber. The only real problems that I had with it were that they kind of left it up in the air as to whether Kenya was actually dead or unconscious. Datak asked Stahma to get rid of her, and I'm sure Stahma totes wanted to get rid of her, but Stahma is sneaky and if she wanted to defy Datak somehow, she very well could have just drugged Kenya and taken her off somewhere. If she is dead, it kind of doesn't surprise me. Kenya's a sweetie, but she is really naive and way, way, way too trusting of people like Stahma. The other thing was it was kind of unclear what exactly happened to Datak. I don't know if RFE Empire hauled his ass off to an RFE gulag, and I also don't know if they took Stahma along. For all we know, they both could have wheeled and dealed their way out of it. 

"That body? Oh that. Oh, that was here."

Either way, I don't really care if they go to RFE Republic prison. They are interesting, but they're also both fucking terrible people.

There's such a thing as a cliffhanger, and there's also such a thing as leaving things unclear. Like, for instance, on Warehouse 13, that cliffhanger ended with everyone getting kicked out of the Warehouse, and adorable Claudia stayed behind to do battle with Giles from Buffy. So that was a cliffhanger. The ending of Defiance...ehhhh...don't know about that. Anyway, it's been picked up for season 2, so we'll see how our little friends fared. 

Having watched the show this season, the biggest suggestion that I would have for the show as a whole is that it needs to develop its own mythology if it wants to be a highly successful program. I don't think anyone can argue that the show is derivative, and what it needs to do in successive seasons is to truly discover its own voice.

The new season of Defiance begins in 2014.