Monday, July 29, 2013

And Now, A Very Special Episode About STDs

Apologies, all - I'm behind in the True Blood recaps. The first of two this week, summarizing the two most recent episodes. We're definitely moving into the second half of the season with this one as shit is starting to go down and we even lose a (mostly) major character. Without further ado...

Because there’s never a time when this show doesn’t like to start us directly in the middle of the action, we begin this time with Lafayette (who, you’ll remember, is possessed by the ghost of Sookie’s father) attempting to drown Sookie in a river to finish what he planned on doing all those years ago – kill her before she could be taken by vampires. True Blood logic, everybody! Anyway, Ben saves her before anything can happen and forces Mr. Stackhouse out of Lafayette with his faerie light. GhostDad was hoping for a nice reunion but he pretty much ruined that. Sookie tells Lafayette to tell him to get out of her life forever. So basically she’s doing the same thing all girls say to their fathers at some point, it’s just delayed by about ten years post-puberty. And, you know, drowning.

"Just saying. Father of the Year Award nomination? Off the table."

In VampireDome, Eric and Pam prepare to stare at each other to death. Pam is none too pleased that Eric sired another vampire, but puts that aside to help Eric kill the guards who are watching the room with their guns and seriously freaking out the Gov, Sarah and Steve Newlin who are watching. Take Away Message here: don’t pit Eric and Pam against each other. Bitches will literally eviscerate you.

Bill/Lilith is calling Ben to him/her. Sookie transports her and Ben to the magic faerie dimension that looks like it was shot through a 1970s gauze filter to keep them safe.  Bill, unable to bring Ben to him, gets his professor in the basement to drain him of almost all his blood in order to force a hallucinatory meeting with Lilith.

Jason, pursing a long line of unfortunate choices, is in the VTF recruiting office where he comes on a little strong even for these folk, expressing a significant desire to “fuck these fucking fangers up.” “Why don’t I just go through the interview checklist first,” the recruiter offers. Either way it goes well with Jason providing a litany of what he knows about vampires and the recruiter meeting eagerness in kind and deciding to fetch his supervisor for approval. “Racist fucks,” Jason mutters under his breath as the recruiter walks away.

You know what would be awesome? More time away from the Sam/Nicole plotline. Unfortunately, we’ve got more of it. Nicole wants Sam to face up to who he is, stop running away with Emma, blah blah blah. Sam is doubtful. Yuck. At any rate, Alcide finds his father in the motel that Sam and Nicole are staying in. Pops and one of the “were-bitches” have been, ahem, passing the time but tell him where to find Sam and Nicole. Alcide HULKSMASHs his way into their room, but Sam and Nicole have gone already.

In the faerie realm, Ben tells Sookie that he needs her to restrain him before the sun sets so that he won’t hurt her. Sookie complies, using vines and her magic light to tie him down. Ben meanwhile expresses regret that Sookie had to find out about what her parents were planning. The touching reconciliation could go farther, but he starts to vamp out.

This is so going to go in an S&M-y direction, isn’t it? 

Andy Bellefleur has a talk with his surviving daughter who is about ready for a real name, especially because being called Number Four is kind of an uncomfortable reminder about what happened to the other three. He decides to give her the name Adilyn Braelin Charlene Danica, one name for each sister.

Lafayette is trying to recover from his possession-a-thon with the best way he knows how – copious drugs and crafting. 

For realz. 

He’s interrupted by Terry, who appears shaken (we know why) and gives Lafayette the key to his safety deposit box. Lafayette, rightly, knows something’s up but accepts the key and a very awkward hug from Terry. He also calls Arlene to let her know that her husband is wicked unstable. Arlene panics, worried that Terry will try to kill himself out of guilt from the war. Holly suggests using a vampire to glamour Terry into forgetting about what happened in Iraq, perhaps asking her son’s friend’s dad’s husband who is a vampire. “He owes me one,” she tells Arlene, picking up the phone to call before adding in a conspiratorial whisper, “they’re gay!” And see, True Blood, when you write shit like this it makes me want to fall in love with you all over again.

Sookie is getting the low-down from Ben – he was born in 3532 BC, turned in 3500 BC and he’s been waiting for her the entire time. Uh huh. “So, how did you think this was going to go?” Sookie asks, pointing out that showing up with a contract roughly 6,500 years after becoming a vampire and demanding that she be his faerie bride may not go over like gangbusters and you’d think six thousand years of planning would have yielded something a little more graceful. Like flowers and a box of chocolates, or something. Ben tells her that the contract was arranged in the 17th century, but he’ll tear it up if she wants him to. He despises that Lilith made him a vampire and if Sookie was with him, it would be okay because with Sookie also a faerie vampire, they’d only need each other’s blood.

At the VampCamp, the Gov is getting smug over Eric being put to the True Death. He brings in Nora as a bargaining chip, saying he’ll kill her to make Eric understand what it feels like to lose someone close to him like the Gov feels now that Eric has “killed” Willa. The Gov’s scientist inject Willa with something they call “Hepatitis V”, which can be spread sexually, hence all that experimental vampire lab sex. They leave them both chained and facing each other.   

I really wanted this scientists to have a fake stereotypical German accent, but alas. He was American. 

Bill, through the help of blood loss, is able to meet with Lilith who tells him that The Tyrant took Jessica and “The Blonde” took their salvation and basically Bill is the biggest disappointment she’s seen which, given her age, you have to admit is saying something. Lilith warns him not to come to her again and instead he needs to grow a pair, man up and act.

Sam meanwhile has called Martha, Emma’s grandmother, to come get her provided that she’ll be kept safe from the Pack. Martha tells Sam that she’s left the Pack and seems genuinely grateful. Sam says what is probably supposed to be a heart-rending goodbye to Emma, but honestly since we’ve only spent like three minutes of screen-time on these two together this season, it’s hard to muster the tears. Later, Alcide catches up with them and gets pissed to see that Emma has already been taken away. Sam calls Alcide out, tells him to stop being a dick or come at him already. Alcide tells Sam to leave town if he knows what’s good for him and that Alcide may not kill Sam, but he won’t stop his pack from doing it.

Arlene and Holly welcome in the gay vampire (conservatively, but fashionably dressed, btw) to hypnotize Terry. Arlene asks the vampire to ensure that Terry remembers nothing about the war and only remembers his family and his civilian life. Finally, a life of happiness and contentment can be theirs!

"I'm sure our long-fought struggle for emotional and familial stability will in no way be undermined by actions one of us has taken without consulting the other."

Jason is regaling the VTF with his war stories about Rambo-ing the Authority last season when Sarah enters the room. Jason admits to her privately that he’s getting Jessica out and if she tattles on him, he’ll reveal her secrets as well. Willa, meanwhile, demands that her father put her with the rest of the vampires instead of solitary, despite the Gov’s insistence that she needs to be kept safe so that they can “fix” her.  

As Bill rejoins the land of the somewhat living, news hits that the Gov has made an agreement with the makers of True Blood to start up production again. Bill fears time has run out and swallows Ben’s blood, allowing him to go outside in the daylight for the first time in 150 years.

In creepy emotionally abusive news, Sarah Newlin isn’t about to take Jason’s threats laying down. Unlike everything else of his that she’s taken in that position. (hey-o!) She arranges for Jason to observe the vampire’s “copulation study” process from behind a one-way mirror. Naturally, one of the two subjects is Jessica. Her “study partner” is just as squicked out, insisting that he’s a vampire, not a rapist. He is hit with bursts of sunlight for protesting. Jessica sobs and tells him just to have sex with her to spare him, but the vampire with the heart of gold refuses. Sarah orders Jessica removed from the room.

At Merlotte’s Bar and Grill, Terry has a new lease on life and Arlene couldn’t be happier. Life is good! Terry gleefully going about his job, cleaning up the kitchen and taking the trash out. Which is when the shot rings out. Arlene runs outside to see Terry shot through the neck and bleeding out on the ground. She holds Terry to her as Terry slowly dies in her arms. Okay, I know I said I was tired of this plot last time, but man. Harsh.

Damn. That's cold, brah. 

The Gov is conducting a dramatic reading of the Bible when Bill invades his compound, wooden bullets flying right through him without harming him. Bill uses his new abilities to make all the guards shoot each other and demands that Gov tell him about the room where all the vampires are executed by the sunlight. The Gov doesn’t want to play, refusing information and saying that Bill killing him will just turn him into a martyr for the cause. “Cut off my head and another grows in its place,” the Gov warns. Bill decides to take his chances…and literally rips the Gov’s head off.

"Alas, poor Yorrick..."

Nora isn’t looking too good, the Hep V disease working into her system. Eric summons Willa from the common room, who glamours the pervy guard who tried to her to blow him last time into  taking her to the room Eric and Nora are being held. Eric and Nora dress in guard and doctor clothes and pretend to take Willa hostage in order to flee the facility, but Willa insists they get Tara and Jessica as well. In the search, Eric discovers that the facility is the True Blood bottling plant and that the scientists have been contaminating the new True Blood supply with Hep V. 

In the spirit of truthful things, Sookie is still talking with Ben and confessing that she knows that everyone in town thinks she is “a danger whore.” Ben snarks that he’s had the same problem, why do you think he lived alone for thousands of years? Sookie wonders if they’re right, given that she’s developed feelings for Ben and she’s at least finally aware that she’s got a pattern going. Then, to prove the point, she offers her blood to Ben, knowing he needs to feed. Him biting her leads to her biting him which leads to her removing Ben’s pants which leads the hot sweaty sexytime. As the two grind each other, they both begin to glow.

Offered without comment. 

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