Doctor Who Season 9: Love It or Leave It

It’s been a while since your TV Sluts have talked much about The Doctor. Having finally finished the latest season of the very long running show, I naturally have thoughts about it. The most recurrent thoughts being, “WTF?”

Season 9 is an odd one. For the most part, it felt to me like slog just to get through. I was, in fact, ready to write off the entire season until the last three episodes came out of nowhere and got unexpectedly amazing. At its worst, the season was trying to be too clever for its own good. At its best, season 9 delivered some cool twists, sent some characters flying, and delivered what is legitimately one of the best episodes of Doctor Who ever made.

Given the dual nature of the season, I’m here to help you figure out which episodes you need to watch and which ones you delete off your DVR queue.  Generally, everything I say will be spoiler-free up until the final three episodes, which are as spoiler-y as can be. As a note, I’m including the most recent Christmas episode, even though it’s technically a part of season 10 because the BBC is just weird. Onward!

Wibbley wobbly coat-y woat-y

Episodes 1 & 2: The Magician’s Apprentice/The Witch’s Familiar

Summary: The Doctor discovers that he is inadvertently responsible for making one of his own arch-enemies, Davros, the creator of the Daleks. For two episodes, The Doctor and Davros speechify at each other about their respective lives and deeds. In an almost unrelated story, Clara teams up with Missy to get the Doctor and… do something. It’s never totally clear.

Should you watch it? Only the scenes with Missy and Clara. Missy is one of the better new creations to the Doctor Who universe and the action between the two of them is fast-paced, funny, and exciting. The Doctor’s scenes drown themselves entirely in the show’s own mythology and need to be clever.

Episodes 3 & 4: Under the Lake/Before the Flood

Summary: The Doctor and Clara come to an underwater base and discover an alien space ship and a whole bunch of dead people who keep coming back as ghosts. The episode gets incredibly timey-wimey as The Doctor must go back in his own timeline to just before the two of them arrive in order to save the day.

Should you watch it? In a word, no. At best, this should have been a single episode. Stretching it into two is painful. Hardcore fans, who will watch anyway, will appreciate a few Easter Eggs dropped into the dialogue, but for the rest of it it’s just a waste.

Arya Stark is really progressing this season.

 Episodes 5 & 6: The Girl Who Died/The Woman Who Lived

Summary: The Doctor and Clara attempt to save a pre-historic Viking village from aliens masquerading as gods. In doing so, they rely on a precocious girl in the village named Ashildr, played by Maisie Williams (Arya Stark from Game of Thrones). In the process, Ashildr is granted immortality. In the second half, The Doctor discovers Ashildr thousands of years later in 1600s London, now completely changed by her immortality and not necessarily for the better.

Should you watch it? Oh my, yes. The first episode is really just a set up for the second, but for completeness of story and for recognizing how awesome Masie Williams is in this part, it’s well worth it. “The Woman Who Lived” was the first episode this season that I actually loved. It felt like the best kind of Doctor Who episodes of the past.

Episodes 7 & 8: The Zygon Invasion/The Zygon Inversion

Summary: Remember the Zygons from the 50^th Anniversary episode and their “pretend to be human and infiltrate Earth” plan? They’re back and up to their old mischief. The entire episode is largely an excuse to bring back the character Osgood, who died in last season’s finale. It also tries to make a statement about human nature, though largely falls flat.

Should you watch it? No. While the episodes bring back some fan favorite characters, that’s not enough to give up two hours of your time.

Episode 9: Sleep No More

Summary: The lone standalone episode of the season, The Doctor and Clara find themselves on a space station with a mysterious enemy slowly hunting down and killing the crew. The show usually tries to do a space-themed horror episode once person season; this is it.

Should you watch it? Skip this one. The horror never really materializes and it mostly feels like a filler episode. Though at least it’s only a one-parter.

As I said at the top, the last three episodes of the season are all 100% worth watching. They are, in fact, wonderful and are the ones that reminded me that Doctor Who isn’t out of ideas and fanciful storytelling just yet. Watch all of these!

WARNING: SPOILERS IN THE NEXT THREE EPISODES!

Scarfs are cool.

Episode 10: Face The Raven

Summary: Clara attempts to save a friend who has been sentenced to death for a supernatural murder that he doesn’t remember committing. In the process, she and The Doctor are reunited with modern-day Ashildr (Maisie Williams again) who has calmed since her last meeting with The Doctor in the 1600s and is now a protector of people who have been affected by him. To that end, Ashildr has set up the entire bogus murder in an attempt to trap The Doctor in an effort to keep him from harming anyone else. Clara’s self-confidence and attempts to out-clever everyone backfire and she is killed in front of The Doctor as he is teleported somewhere else…

Oof. This episode. I can't you guys... All the feels...

Episode 11: Heaven Sent

Summary: The Doctor arrives in his prison, a large castle somewhere unknown completely surrounded by an ocean of water and haunted by the memory of not being able to save Clara. The only other thing in the castle is a silent, shrouded figure that constantly pursues The Doctor, attempting to kill him.  Finally deducing a way out, The Doctor is caught by the figure, who kills him at the very same time he re-appears exactly where he began. The Doctor eventually deduces that he is caught in a cycle whereby he searches for an exit and is killed that has been going on for over 7,000 years and the only way to break free is to continually try to beat it, a process that lasts for over 4 billion more years. In the end, the Doctor is freed and finds himself standing on Gallifrey.

Episode 12: Hell Bent

Summary: The Doctor declares war on Gallifrey’s High Council and extracts Clara from her own time-stream moments before her own death in an attempt to save her. When this doesn’t work, The Doctor takes the TARDIS to the very end of the universe to see the only other person who will be there: Ashildr, who tells him that he and Clara cannot be together because they are too catastrophic. The Doctor attempts to erase Clara’s memories of him but the process backfires and he instead forgets most of his memories of her. At peace with her death but assured that it will happen, Clara and Ashildr use a TARDIS of their own to return Clara to the moment of her death, but not before deciding that they could perhaps “go the long way around” and vanish off into space and time.

SPOILERS ARE DONE! BACK TO REGULAR PROGRAMMING!

Goodbye, Sweetie?

Christmas Episode: The Husbands of River Song

Summary: Your favorite (or not) Moffat-era character returns as The Doctor encounters River Song near the end of her life, just prior to going to The Library. River is unaware of the 12^th Doctor and thus doesn’t recognize him but uses him to help her pawn a very valuable diamond that she’s married a dictator for with the plan of swindling him out of it. A madcap adventure ensues, ending with The Doctor and River’s final night together before she is destined to go to her death in “Silence in the Library”.

Should you watch it? Your mileage may vary, depending on how much you like River. As a fan of her character, it gave me all the closure I have wanted for her story. If you prefer to think of The Doctor without his wife (it happened; deal with it), you can likely skip it.

So where does that leave us? Far too many of the episodes fell victim to Doctor Who writing at its worst, which is to say needless complexity and cleverness for the sake of being clever without any of the actual sense of adventure or wonder. Showrunner Steven Moffat in particular suffers from this from time to time, though he’s not the only one. This cleverness for cleverness’s sake is evident in the mandate that rather than have a season-long story arc, every two episodes would be paired together for two-part story with a neatly hook-y title denoting how they relate to each other. And while I appreciate that approach as one that doesn’t make me wait for a big payoff that inevitably won’t be as earth-shattering as it is promised, it also means that a story that doesn’t grab you is doubly-long and hard to sit through. Unfortunately, that was the case for a lot of the stories here.

What serves as a trip-up for this season likely comes down to the basics. I like the 12^th Doctor. I like Clara Oswald. I like Peter Capaldi. I like Jenna Coleman. I like all these things. What I apparently don’t like is what happens when they all come together. Clara and The Doctor have never totally clicked, despite strong performances from two (actually three) likeable actors. This is incredibly disappointing for me given how incredibly strong Clara’s introduction was, way back in Season 7’s “The Asylum of the Daleks”. I could write an entire post about Clara and what made her work relative to what made her different, but for now I’ll just say that she became problematic, though her character was delivered some kind of justice by giving her an ending that is absolutely worthy of what her character should have been all along.

Emo sigh.

All that said, I absolutely loved the poetry and genuine emotion and fun that last three episodes and the Christmas episode manage. “Heaven Bent” in particular is notable for storytelling that hits every note it needs to and does so while packing an emotional wallop. It’s worth noting that entire episode only contains two speaking parts, The Doctor and one other character who gets one or two lines at the very end. Likewise, “Hell Bent” gives us a peek at an alternate reality Doctor Who with Ashildr and Clara going off in their own TARDIS that is stuck looking like a 1950s American diner and that’s a TV show I would watch the hell out of. The excitement evident in those final episodes save the season from being a complete misfire.

So, get to watching the good stuff. Ignore the boring bits. And join the rest of us in waiting to see just who exactly will be the next companion now that Clara has exited the show. I’m still waiting on them to bring back Donna, though. 

Or, you know, two chicks with their own TARDIS would be cool too...

Constantine is the American Doctor Who

I know, I know.   A bold statement.  Especially given the number of other shows that could equally make the case that they are, in fact, as close as those of us in “The Colonies” will ever get to our own mad cap Gallifreyan adventurer (The Middleman certainly had a strong case to make).  But here’s the thing: all the main Doctor Who tropes are present in the new NBC show.  Wise but possibly ambivalent hero fighting dark enemies?  Check.   Companion who is mostly a rube but potentially possessing a vital power or skill that the hero will need?  Yup.  It’s-Bigger-On-The-Inside base of operations?  But of course.

All of which is not to suggest that Constantine is just some rip off.  If anything, having watched the first six episodes, I would argue that the show is trying to establish itself as something wholly independent of the rest of the comic book properties out there.  The mad Englishman with a special larger-than-it-seems home base and a crazy encyclopedic knowledge of terrifying things coupled with a potentially troublesome disregard for the people around him may echo our favorite fantasy adventurer, but this is a TARDIS of a different shape.

A flame-ier, angrier TARDIS...

The Comic Book

Wait, what?  “Clovis,” I hear you say, “Is this yet another comic book TV show that you can’t seem to stay away from?”  Of course it is.  Constantine is based on the DC Comics book Hellblazer about John Constantine, a 35-year-old con man, supernatural detective, and “petty dabbler of the dark arts” based in London.  But in order to understand this character and where he fits in with all those flying cape-wearers who are always saving the planet from alien invasions or some such, I’m going to have to take you through a couple of very brief points of fact about the DC Universe.

As always, those wishing to avoid the nerdy comic book talk can skip ahead.  I’ll let you know when it’s safe to come back and hear just about the TV show.

The thing about DC Comics that separates it from the other big comic book company, Marvel, is that DC has for years made a big show about all its characters existing in a multiverse.  (Marvel has a multiverse of its own, but a much more consistent effort is put into place with their books to streamline the characters and give them a common space to exist in.)  This is the narrative device that allows DC Comics to keep cannon a lot of completely out of date stories.  It’s what explains, for example, how it is that Wonder Woman can exist in our modern age and yet still have fought Nazis during World War II. The Nazi-fighting version was a different reality Wonder Woman from a different dimension in the multiverse.  Comics, everybody!

I could keep explaining, but it's just going to make you want to do a lot of this. 

In 1993, DC Comics created Vertigo, a specialty imprint that would produce comics that were more adult; more like literature than the flashy superhero adventures the company was primarily known for. Vertigo was the home to Neil Gaiman’s Sandman series, Alan Moore’s Swamp Thing and V for Vendetta, among lots of other riskier and, frankly, weirder stories.  Hellblazer was born into this world and while John Constantine would sometimes still find ways to interact with the occasional Superman or Batman, he mostly occupied a different reality in the multiverse.

Constantine as a character was known for being rough around the edges, unrelentingly cynical, and deadpan but also remarkably cunning and capable of getting out of the toughest scrapes, a key skill when the majority of your enemies are demons great and small, including the biggest baddie of them all, The First of the Fallen.  (Read: The Devil.  Sorta.)   Writers at various times have portrayed him as the ultimate pragmatist, willing to take anyone down if the ends justified the means, but also as someone who is essentially motivated by a desire to be a good person and make the world a better place.  Of course, the world isn’t often saved by people who are being nice guys.  You can’t make an omelet, etc. etc.

This actually qualifies as a light-hearted moment for most of Constantine's life. 

The TV Show

Okay comic-phobes, you can come back!  The good news for traditionalist is that the TV series did a phenomenal job casting John Constantine.  Seriously, you guys.  Matt Ryan looks exactly like how his character is supposed to.  I know that may seem like a small thing, but in this age of whitewashing and making changes because somehow the source material isn’t “relatable”, seeing Matt Ryan in his Constantine trench coat and loosened tie for the first time made a lot of folk feel like this show was on target.  

Seriously, you guys.  Nerd-squee. 

And then there was Liv…

The first episode serves up similar story notes from the comic books.  Constantine has voluntarily confined himself to an English psychiatric hospital after botching an exorcism that resulted in a young girl, Astra, being dragged into Hell. His rest cure fails to work, however, when a cadre of supernatural forces warn John that Liv Aberdine, an American woman who is also the daughter of one of John’s old magic partners, is in danger.  John manages to exorcise the demon that is chasing down Liv, but the experience is too much for her and she flees his company after providing him a scrying map showing John other locations throughout the country where something evil is afoot. 

And therein was the first problem for the new series.  Simply put, Liv shouldn’t have.  The part didn’t mesh with the story; there wasn’t a lot of there there and the actress was replaced with a new character, Zed who shares some of Liv’s psychic abilities but is a bit more world-weary.  Fans worried that the abrupt change in lead casting was a bad portent for the show.  Personally, I think John and Zed make a better pairing precisely because Zed has her share of secrets she’s keeping from John.  Plus it underlines a very major point in the comics: John isn’t a good person to be around.  He’s trouble and he’s not afraid to put you in between himself and it.  John acknowledges this to his only other compatriot, Chas, a man who is loyal to John but has the mysterious ability to survive being killed making him one of the only people who can probably stand to be around John for long.  Add to that the host of angels who are rapidly losing patience with John and not so squeamish about maybe handing him over to the demons who would love to have his head and Constantine's got a lot of motivation for screwing over otherwise fine people. 

Pictured (l to r): Angel, Hero Jerk Face, Woman of Mystery, Undead Cab Driver (really). 

Aside from the casting drama, there’s a lot to find in Constantine for folks looking for some light horror.  Storylines are taken from the comics, so fans will find plenty to wink at. (See below for more on that.)  At the same time, the show manages to keep exactly the right tone in relation to the demons and ghosts that make their way into Constantine’s life.  He’s not afraid of them, exactly; but he does take them seriously.  His deadpan humor is fully imported from the comics, but Matt Ryan gives his lines a gravity that shows just how unsure of himself Constantine is in the wake of that failed exorcism.  Most importantly, the show has been very careful about keeping the sanctity (pun not intended) of their main character in tact: John’s defining character trait in the comics is that he smokes.  This is a problem for network TV where characters aren’t allowed to smoke given network standards and practices.  As such, we’re given just enough subtle clues to suggest that John has just put out a cigarette that observers will understand how much this is a part of his character.  Likewise, the punk-rock sensibility from the comics is still on display.  In a scene where John must fight a demon without listening to its voice, he blasts The Clash on his iPod to drown out the sounds.

As a side note, between this and their other horror show, the incredible Hannibal, NBC seems to be interested in carving out a horror niche that I’m very much in favor of.  Both shows take significant risks for network television and it’s exciting to see these stories being played out.  Unless you’re Maggie Cats, after all, you can only watch so much Law & Order before you need something else on TV.

The Easter Eggs

As with Gotham and The Flash, DC Entertainment has again dropped a number of Easter Eggs for fans.  Many of them are more overt than other DC shows; John openly talks about Mucus Membrane, his former punk band.  In the pilot, Liv picks up a golden helmet before John warns her to put it back down, saying more than likely it will wear her before she could wear it.  The helmet is an exact copy of that worn by the character Dr. Fate.  In episode five, John and Zed work with New Orleans cop Jim Corrigan.  Near the end of the episode, Zed has a disturbing vision of Corrigan dead and bleeding but with a green light emanating from him.  Savvy viewers will know that Corrigan will eventually die and become The Spectre, a character who is the spirit of vengeance.

Other references are far more subtle.  In John’s Bigger-On-The-Inside base camp filled with magical items, you can see Pandora’s Box in one glass case.  Not far from it, there’s backwards writing on a chalkboard, a clear reference to the comic book character Zatanna who recites phrases backwards in order to cast magic spells.  One of John’s former associates now works at Ivy University, a school often referenced in DC Comics and home to several other superheroes.  A close-up shot of Constantine’s business card gives an Atlanta-area phone number.  Call that number and you’ll get a recording of Matt Ryan as Constantine referencing someone named Alec Holland. 

The Bottom Line

You know what I’m going to say here – watch this damn show.  Yes, that’s because it’s a comic book character and I’m firmly in the camp of believing that if comic book properties continue to be successful, they’ll stop becoming a special niche and will instead become a genre.  We’ve made great strides on this so far – Constantine stands on its own as a horror show; Gotham is doing a capable job as a police procedural; Agents of SHIELD, despite the slow start, has been doing reasonably well as a spy drama; the success of the Marvel cinematic universe all together has show that comic book characters don’t just have to be caped adventure stories with one-note plots.  Progress is being made.

As of now, Constantine is slated to run for 13 episodes in its first season.  It hasn’t been called up for more episodes or for a second season, though NBC and DC have both indicated that doesn’t mean the show will be cancelled.  For my money, the risks taken on bringing a show like this to television alone are worthy of supporting it, but I honestly think new viewers will be intrigued by the complexity of the characters and the gradual deepening of the storylines. 

Also, repeat after me: the movie never happened.  The movie. NEVER. HAPPENED.

Oh go be sad about it in a park, Keanu. 

Making a Run (heh) at The Flash

My name is Clovis and I’m the fastest blogger alive.

Okay, so that’s clearly not true given how long it’s been since I’ve published a post, but I couldn’t resist the into when talking about yet another of the pantheon of new comic book properties that are showing up on our airwaves. I speak of The Flash, of course; The CW’s Arrow spinoff chronicling the story of Barry Allen, the Fastest Man Alive.

No.  The other fastest man alive.  The white hipster-y one.

Like Arrow before it and Gotham alongside it, The Flash is another of DC Comics’ superhero stories.  Barry Allen is a forensic scientist working in Central City when he is working one night in his lab and is struck by a stray lightning bolt and falls into a wall of chemicals.  When he comes to, he finds himself with the ability to move at super speed and quickly becomes a crime fighter facing off against other oddly-powered individuals.  As with my Gotham review, this one is going to get nerdy, folks.  If you’d prefer to skip all the comic book talk and jump straight to the TV show, you can jump ahead.

Wow, what a flashy character!

The Comic Book

So here’s the fast and dirty (get used to it guys, the puns are irresistible on a topic like this) on The Flash:  Barry has super speed.  He can run faster than anything else on the planet, fast enough to run on water and generally muck about with physics in all sorts of fun ways.  He can vibrate his atoms to allow him to do things like pass through walls.  He can also, on rare occasions, transcend and travel through time due half to Einsteinian physics and half to comic book hand-wavium.  He is motivated by an almost naive desire to do good partially stemming from seeing his mother murdered mysteriously as a boy.  He is also always, ironically, late to everything.

The character is actually one of comic books longest-running legacy characters.  It’s also notable for being one of the first comic book characters to introduce the idea that a super hero could age out of his or her role and be replaced.  The character of The Flash originally dates back to 1940, the Golden Age of comic books, and was a college student named Jay Garrick who gained his super speed after inhaling water vapor. (Yes, really.)  In 1956, DC Comics streamlined its storytelling process, the first of MANY times it would do this, and integrated all its separate characters into a shared universe.  In the process, The Flash was given a different identity, costume, and background and was now Barry Allen, forensic scientist who gets his powers through that aforementioned lightning bolt.  Barry Allen would later be replaced by Wally West, the character’s nephew in 1986.  I bring this up because each time The Flash became a different man, the other characters still continued to exist.  This made The Flash as an identity something that could be passed down, a radical concept to comic books.  For a sense of perspective, consider that with a few stunt-stories, Batman has always been Bruce Wayne, Superman has always been Clark Kent, Iron Man has always been Tony Stark, and Peter Parker has always been Spider-Man.

The people who make red spandex are basically kept in business by these guys.

This sense of legacy in the comics is what has always given The Flash a certain emotional heft to it.  Barry recognizes Jay as a predecessor, while Wally comes to utterly revere Barry after becoming the Flash himself due to, shall we just say, unfortunate events related to Barry.  As such, The Flash as a character is always imbued with the notion of time being a precious commodity and the idea that we’re all racing toward an ending that’s coming faster than any of us would like it to.  Despite that gloomy notion, The Flash as a character is almost uniformly written as an optimist.  In all iterations, from Jay to Wally (and beyond, but that’s getting more detailed than you want, trust me), The Flash represents the character who, possibly more than almost any other super hero, does what he does because he believes in the best of people and just wants to do the right thing.

Okay, non-comic books fans.  You can come back now.

"Faster than a speeding bul... oh hey wait..."

The TV Show

I’ll say right away, like Maggie Cats said a few weeks ago, The Flash had one of my favorite new pilots this season.  Almost everything about the way the show has presented its key characters and its premise has been on pace right from the start.  Barry (Grant Gustin), initially introduced last year as a guest character in Arrow, is established at the start as a forensic scientist working for the Central City police department.  He’s been drawn to a life in law-enforcement after seeing his mother murdered under HIGHLY mysterious circumstances as a young boy.   With his father convicted of the murder, Barry was raised by family friend and police officer Joe West (played by Jesse L. Martin) who raised Barry as a sorta-sibling to his own daughter, Iris (Candace Patton).  Barry’s father, btw, is played by John Wesley Shipp who played The Flash in the short-lived 1990s era TV version of the same character.  In the pilot episode, Barry is struck by a stray bolt of electricity as the result of a catastrophic accident at STAR Labs, a sort of CERN-esque research facility headed by Dr. Harrison Wells (Tom Cavanagh).  When Barry awakens six months later, he finds that he has acquired super speed as well as an enhanced physiology that has increased his endurance and his ability to heal.  What is a young man to do in this situation?  Fight crime, naturally.

From there, the show plays out as you’d expect from The CW.  We’ve got your over-arching mystery (what was that strange yellow blur that killed Barry’s mother in their own home all those years ago?), your healthy dose of love-triangle (Barry is, natch, secretly in love with Iris who sees him like a best friend and is herself involved in a secret relationship with her father’s rookie partner at work), an assortment of enemy-of-the-week villains (turns out that stray bolt of electricity didn’t just affect Barry), and a possible twist (the good Dr. Harrison who helps Barry establish his heroic identify may not be all that he seems to be).  The thing that makes all of this work, honestly, is the speed at which this story progresses.  There’s no denying it – The Flash moves quickly.

Pictured: Rush hour in the speed lane.  I'll stop.

Unlike Arrow’s season-long brooding, Barry gets into this hero thing before the end of the first episode. All the major plotlines are introduced, the outlines of each character’s development are laid out, and we’re, well, off and running.  Seriously, more happens in the first thirty minutes of the pilot episode than you see in most seasons of an HBO series.  The show is also undeniably fun.  The Flash as a character is universally depicted in the comic books as someone with a sense of humor.  He’s Peter Parker without all the personal hard luck.  In keeping with that, you’re not going to find much in the way of personal agonizing or tortured development here.  Barry wears bright red and yellow and speeds around at 300mph in the middle of the day.  Unlike Arrow’s Oliver or even any of the numerous iterations of Batman, there’s no need to only operate at night.  In a cameo scene with Oliver Queen, Ollie even calls this out when urging Barry to use his powers to help his city.  “You can inspire people in a way I never could,” he tells Barry.

The Easter Eggs

Of course, in addition to all this actual mainstream drama and adventure, there are TONS of bones thrown for nerds like me.  After the STAR Labs accident, a broken gorilla cage bears the name “Grodd”, implying something has gotten out.  Barry’s first speed tests occur at a Ferris Air testing field.  One of Barry’s superhero support team members is Francisco “Cisco” Ramon.  The other is Caitlin Frost.  Caitlin’s fiancé, tragically killed during the STAR Labs explosion, was Ronnie Raymond.  In the comics, every issue begins with the same phrase: “My name is Barry Allen and I am the Fastest Man Alive.”  Because every episode begins with a brief recap of what’s come before, take one guess what the voiceover begins with?  And at the risk of avoiding spoilers, I won’t even mention several other major plot points and characters introduced in the first few episodes that potentially point to some MAJORLY big (and spoiler-y) things that DC Comics and Warner Brothers appear to be ramping up for all their comic book properties, including a few possible implications for those big movies that you might have heard were recently announced.

Um. Spoilers?

Bottom line? Watch this damn show.  It’s fun, it’s adventurous, it’s breezy, and it’s got some great action with a nice dose of frothy character mush.  Nerds will feel respected, everyone else will just enjoy a good story playing out. 

The Flash airs Tuesday nights at 8/7c on The CW.

Criminals Are a Superstitious, Foreshadowing Lot

I’m going to get this out of the way right at the beginning:  I’m a huge Batman fan, but I hate seeing his origin story.  The reason is because I’ve seen it so. Many. Damn. Times.  And now, come to your television and mine, is Gotham; yet another origin story for Batman.  And as the TV Sluts most dedicated comic book nerd, I’m here to break it down for you.  Fair warning: I’m getting Bat-nerdy ALL OVER THIS MOFO.  I won’t feel badly if you need to turn back now.

I"m so desensitized to this image that for all I know, this could be from Modern Family.

The saving grace of this take on Batman’s origin is that it is told through the eyes of a young Lt. James Gordon, the man who will one day become Gotham City’s famous Commissioner of Police.  As we see how Gordon will eventually become the paragon of law and order, the show is promising to focus more on the development of the various rogues and ne’er-do-wells that will eventually becomes Batman’s famous villains than on the Dark Knight himself.  As such, it’s sort of Batman without the Batman, though a young Bruce Wayne is a regular character.

The first episode sets the stage for us with a variety of characters good, bad, and ambivalent react to the shocking murder of Thomas and Martha Wayne, the wealthiest couple in the city and, obviously, parents to young Bruce.  We see the reaction to the crime from the three different factions of people Gotham has laid out for us: the police investigating the crime, the mob factions who see it as a potential leverage point, and the people caught up in between, most of whom have rather familiar names.

They're like the Brady Bunch.  With more secrets.  And darker clothes.  

And that’s where Gotham earns a lot of its nerd street cred right off the bat.  Seriously, you guys, there hasn’t been a finer collection of Easter Eggs in one place since the last White House Easter Egg Roll.   All the mainstays of the Batman universe are here:  Sarah Essen is Jim Gordon’s captain.  His partner is Harvey Bullock.  The CSI-guy who helps them understand the ballistics of evidence is Edward Nygma.  Bullock and Gordon, who work in Homicide, are envious and jealous of two other cops always showing them up from Major Crimes, ReneeMontoya and Crispus Allen.  And that’s just the police force.  The show opens on a teenage Selina Kyle just learning how to be a thief.  The daughter of a mob lackey is a young Poison Ivy.  Mob boss Fish Mooney’s underling is none other than Oswald Cobblepot.  Right off the bat (heh), your Batman geeks are SQUEEE-ing all over the place.

The risk for the show, then, is how to tell a major story that everyone knows, how Bruce Wayne becomes Batman, with this many characters, most of whom are the ones that are usually in the periphery.  Gotham aims to tackle that problem by running largely like a police procedural with an emphasis on the job that James Gordon has fallen into as the Last Good Man in Gotham City.  We can only presume that the deeper stories, already starting to be seeded in the pilot episode, will begin to fill in the holes that a Law & Order: Gotham would be unwilling to.

So how does it do in its first four episodes?  All told, not too bad.  Let’s start with look and feel.  Production value is high and the show looks slick.  The show gets a lot of free atmosphere simply from filming in New York rather than Los Angeles or Vancouver and as such, Gotham City looks and feels real.  New York is stylized, blending the actual architecture of a gritty city with enhanced fantastical elements to give it a more gothic feel.  The skies are always moody, the streets are always dirty.  To a comic book nerd like me, it looks very close to how Gotham City is supposed to look.  Denny O’Neil, one of the all-time greatest Batman writers who help shaped the character, once described Gotham as looking exactly like New York below 14^th street at 10 minutes past midnight on the coldest, wettest night in November.  The show has followed that lead, effectively making Gotham City a character in and of herself.

So how about the story?  Wisely, the central mystery that we’re given (who actually killed the Waynes?) is carried through the first four episodes without being overbearing.   The show is devoting much more time to showing how corrupt Gotham City is and what it means to try to keep this city, built on a precarious system of checks and balances between the warring crime families, the police, and the emerging underclass of citizens who are taking matters into their own hands, from falling into chaos.  The writing itself is, for the most part, good while obviously trying to find its pace and hit its stride, a common issue for new shows.  Some truly clunky dialogue in the first episode is thankfully significantly improved by the third, which gives me a lot of confidence for the rest of the season.  (Though for the sake of full disclosure, I would watch this show no matter what just because of the topic.  I’m a sucker.)   

This course of action is not uncalled for in my case. 

The performances vary from middling to fascinating.  Donal Logue’s Harvey Bullock and Robin Lord Taylor’s Oswald Cobblepot in particular steal just about every scene they’re in.  Taylor lets his proto-Penguin be sleazy and slimy while at the same time making you want to know more about this kid who is so clearly set on a bad path.   By episode four, Oswald has already started to become a minor player in the nascent gang war that has started to erupt since the death of the Waynes.  Likewise, Logue nails Harvey Bullock as the cop who is just going along to get along in a city as corrupt as Gotham is, despite the fact that underneath it all he really wishes he could make a difference.   The actor having the most fun with a role, however, is clearly Jada Pinkett Smith, cast as a mid-level mob boss named Fish Moody who nominally is in service to Carmine Falcone, the head of the most powerful mob family in Gotham, but scheming to improve her own station.  Watching Jada Pinkett Smith as she Eartha Kitts al over her scenes is legitimately fun.   And while Ben McKenzie is solid as James Gordon, it’s hard to get too creative with a hero character who has to carry all the action.  His best scenes so far have been playing off young Selina Kyle, cast here as a street orphan who’s ridiculously talented at getting by on her own.  (Selina is perhaps the character that the writers have nailed most solidly.  Every line she has absolutely sounds like something the 13-year-old version of Catwoman would say.)

"Purrrrrfect?"

That kind of devotion to the comics without being hemmed in by them is part of what makes Gotham so enjoyable for me.  The writers are playing with any number of nerdy references: Gordon and his Fiancé, Barbara, live in a curiously lavish penthouse apartment with the main feature being a huge clockface that doubles as a window.  Comic readers know that this couple’s future daughter, who becomes Batgirl, is frequently drawn in her own high-tech apartment in a prominent clocktower somewhere in Gotham.  Episode four revolves around a development deal to bring back the abandoned Arkham Asylum.  (A map showing the neighborhood even refers to the area as “Arkham City.")  Characters meet at the corner of Fourth and Grundy.  The dancers at Fish Moody’s night club are dressed curiously as harlequins.   There's even a struggling comedian who auditions at the same club.  (The producers have stated that they will tease exactly who becomes the Joker over time, and likely ambiguously owing to the ambiguous nature of the character's origins in the comics.)  

A Batman TV show has been something of the Holy Grail for both networks and Warner Brothers for some time.  For as popular as the character is, there are a dozen reasons why the last time Batman was on live action television, he was played by Adam West.  And while Gotham bears no resemblance at all to the 1960s Batman, fans of the Bat universe will be more than pleased to see it brought to them each week.  Whether or not it can win over more casual viewers is now the question.

Gotham airs Monday nights at 8pm on Fox.

The Kids are Alright

It’s no secret that I am, at my core, a nerd.   Specifically, a comic book nerd.  As Maggie Cats mentioned last week, I am seriously excited about the wealth of comic book properties that we’re going to be seeing on TV this year.  And while television may just be echoing the notion that movie studios have already picked up on, namely that comic book properties can make for big hits, that doesn’t make it any less cool for what we’re about to see every week. 

I’ll be talking more about this new Valhalla that we find ourselves in later, but before the ginormous comic book television extravaganza begins next week with Gotham, I decided to go back and rewatch one of the only television mediums that for years has been safe for superheroes – cartoon shows.  Particularly, one of the single best superhero cartoon shows ever to air on television, Young Justice.

"Don't you...forget about me..."

Young Justice can be loosely understood as the adventures of the teenage sidekicks to the bigger DC Comics superheroes.  In practice, the show merged characters and stories from two different comic books, the Teen Titans franchise (which also has had several of its own cartoon shows) and the eponymous Young Justice series which was a short-lived early ‘00s book that was essentially Teen Titans by a different name.   The stories are more or less similar: teenage superheroes, by and large the protégés of stalwarts like Superman, Batman, the Flash, Green Arrow, and Martian Manhunter, are brought together both to help each of them be around other young people like themselves and for training with the implicit understanding that, due to the dangerous nature of saving the universe all the time, eventually each of these young heroes is probably going to have to take over for their mentor someday.

And that point right there illustrates one of the reasons why Young Justice was such a powerful show, cartoon or otherwise.  The show is premised on the notion that teenagers are living with a sword of Damocles having over their heads constantly and preparing themselves for their mentors and family to one day be killed.  That’s some heady stuff to load onto a cartoon show.  Young Justice gets away with it by introducing characters that are not only well-written, but are also treated seriously.  The show wasn’t afraid to go to pretty dark places conceptually, even if it always did so with a sense of adventure and humor firmly attached. 

They actually smothered Superboy with a kryptonite pillow right after this scene. 

Even if you’re not a big comic book fan, you’re going to find familiar characters here.  Superboy and Robin are both leads, as is Speedy/Red Arrow who is familiar to anyone whose watched Arrow.  Rounding out the cast are Artemis, another Green Arrow protégé; Miss Martian, young cousin of J’ohn J’onzz, Martian Manhunter; and Kid Flash, the resident speedster.  The team is led by Aqualad, an Atlantean who is struggling with his own inner issues.  Other characters like Wonder Girl, a teenaged Zatanna, and Rocket fill in on missions. 

The thing about watching Young Justice that makes it such a rewarding TV show is the level of sophistication it takes in long-form story telling, something that is usually unheard of in what is nominally a children’s show.  In order to make that format work, characters have to change and evolve over the course of several episodes, which is exactly what they do here.  In contrast to most superhero cartoon shows, the status quo is almost never returned at the end of any given episode.  In every case, something alters the story or the way the characters interact with each other, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse.   Because the writers treat the characters respectfully, they have secrets and fears as well as desires and hopes.  In other words, there’s pathos in them thar superheroic hills. 

ALL THE FEELZ!!!

All of which is part of what makes the story behind Young Justice so heartbreaking.  The show only ran for two seasons from 2011 to 2013 when Cartoon Network abruptly canceled it.  Fans were understandably flummoxed; the show had enjoyed critical acclaim and was performing well.  It wasn’t until after its cancellation that writer and producer Paul Dini stated in the media that the reason for cancellation was because Cartoon Network feared that the show was becoming too popular among teenage girls.

Let’s unpack that for a moment.  A critically acclaimed TV show, performing well with a solid fan-base gets cancelled by its network because the network fears that rather than hit the target audience of teenage boys, girls have started to like the show.  I could see the argument for more girls tuning in; the show featured several female leads (Miss Martian, Artemis, Zatanna and others) who were heroic, well written, fully-fleshed out characters.  Young Justice passes the Bechdel test pretty well.  Note that they didn’t say that boys weren’t watching any longer – just that more girls had started to pick it up.  According to Dini, the network was concerned because “girls don’t buy toys” in addition to being worried that boys would start to view the show as a “girl’s show” if they learned that too many girls were watching.

"That is some BULLSHIT..."

If Dini’s take on this is accurate, it’s a brand of shortsightedness that is, in addition to being ridiculously misogynistic, is also ridiculously wrong.  I dare anyone to go to any ComicCon out there and not see girls buying toys.  (Even if the network’s assumption that girls didn’t buy toys was correct, what would stop them from branding the items the girls did buy with their product?)  I also completely blow the bullshit whistle on the idea that boys will stop watching shows about Batman, Robin, Superman, Green Arrow and the rest of the comic book world because they think girls may watch those shows too.  I just don’t think that boys are as simple-minded as networks apparently think they are.

In the end, what we get is a brilliant TV show taken off the air before its time.  Whether that has to do with a network’s backward thinking or not, it still leaves a Firefly-esque hole in my nerdy little heart.  In any case, do yourself a favor and check out Young Justice if you want a nice base-layer of comic book-y goodness ahead of the deluge of shows that we’re going to see this fall.  It will give you a new appreciation for a ton of old characters and introduce you to new ones that you’ll want to know more about.

Why You Should Watch Breaking Bad

Breaking Bad returns to AMC for its final season on Sunday, August 11 at 9:00. I confess I've never seen the show, despite all the glowing reviews, Emmy awards, and friends who watch it. Last weekend at brunch, my friend Mike started waxing poetic about the show, and I managed to con him into writing a guest post about it. If I may paraphrase, the real draw of Breaking Bad is the main character's journey into villainy--not a hero's journey, but his progress from normal guy to full on criminal mastermind. Sounds awesome...which means I have some serious catching up to do. 

"L. of G. at last complete—after 33 y'rs of hackling at it, all times & moods of my life, fair weather & foul, all parts of the land, and peace & war, young & old" - Walt Whitman

To be clear, Walter White (Bryan Cranston) is the villain of Breaking Bad. If you consider that a spoiler, then you have watched too much television. In the real world, a meth dealing chemistry teacher cannot be a hero. You may root for him occasionally, but undoubtedly, the universe that Vince Gilligan has created would be significantly improved if Mr. White's lung cancer had taken him long ago.

It's so simple and obvious, but therein lies the brilliance of Breaking Bad. While Gilligan clearly respects the character, he has no love for the one going by the pseudonym of Heisenberg. Unlike other attempts at showcasing villainy, namely Showtime's Dexter, how far the character is willing to go is not determined by network renewals that simply stretch an untenable story or affection for the sociopath that you have created.

All too often, we are presented with an image of a villain, despicable and fully-formed: one that we can jeer at and declare far enough removed from our own lives that he is unrecognizable. His status as "bad guy" is not questioned. Walter White came to us a frustrated family man, a role that he still believes he is in. He has shown a willingness to kill innocents and children when it suits him. He has destroyed the life of his usual accomplice, Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul), especially when poor Jesse has shown any sort of affection. His general goal is to provide for a drug-addicted populace. But, at least in his own mind, he has always provided for his family.

As we await the August return of the family man who has taken a detour through the empire business, it is worth remembering that while every villain is a hero in his own mind, Breaking Bad succeeds by keeping Walter White from being a hero to the viewer.

 You got a problem with my life choices? How about I just shoot you in the head. 

Breaking Bad returns for its last season (technically the second half of season 5) on Sunday, August 11 at 9:00 EST on AMC.

Attack of the Clones

Okay. So. You all watched Orphan Black, right? RIGHT? Seriously. If there was a more surprising show on television during this past spring, I’ll eat my hat.  I wrote about the show at the beginning of its 10-episode long first season, and now that we’ve come to the end of the season, let’s take a quick look back at one of the most innovative new shows this season. Slight spoilers in the paragraph below, however only in broad strokes. If you want to avoid all of them, just skip down to below the picture of the man with the ridiculously well-toned pectorals.

In terms of the plot, we learned that Sarah, the ne’er-do-well from England who has arrived in Canada some time previously, is drawn into a web of intrigue when a police officer who looks exactly like her commits suicide in front of her and Sarah decides to assume her identity. From there, Sarah learns that she is actually a clone, created for some unknown purpose, and that there are several more of her spread around the globe. To complicate things, the clones are being hunted down by a religious order (possibly) while being simultaneously pursued for some unknown reason by a group of technological futurists calling themselves the Neolutionists. Sarah, meanwhile, must keep her “partner” at the Toronto police force off the trail of the strange murders of women who look just like her and her possible involvement with them while at the same time she’s starting to suspect that Paul, the boyfriend of the woman who’s identity she’s assumed, may in fact be working for one of these clandestine groups.

Along the way, Sarah must interact with the other clones, who are almost alternate reality versions of herself. The tension gets higher when Sarah learns that each of the clones have “monitors”, or people installed in their lives to watch them and report back, however it’s not clear who those monitors are or which group they work for. This means that we get to know Sarah, but also her doppelgangers, learning more about each of their lives and seeing how they each fit into the broader puzzle. And we quickly realize that not all of the clones are working with each other and not all of them have the best intentions toward the others.

Fear not, ladies. There's a little somethin' somethin' in here for you too.

Okay, Spoiler-phobes. You can come back now.

First off, the good news (for my taste at least) is that this show didn’t succumb to the Lost-ization factor that I worried in my original post that it might. By that I mean that while the mysteries built on each other throughout the season and the mythology behind them was definitely dense and complex, none of the questions we found ourselves asking as viewers were put there simply for the sake of complexity. In other words, the show was taut, lean and we got a very clear idea that the writers know where this story is headed.

The second good thing it has going for it is the unique look and feel of the entire show. Not quite realism, not quite expressionism, the show didn’t look like anything we’ve seen before. The palate, generally muted through most shots, occasionally found ways to clash bright color against itself. As I said before, the only thing I’ve seen previously that reminded me of the same way the show used colors and visuals was Blade Runner, another story about people who are clones without necessarily realizing it. Regardless, it was the kind of visuals that we just don’t often see on television, so kudos to BBC America for putting together something really original.

Good evening, Mr. Decker. 

But of course, the 900-lb gorilla in the room is Tatiana Maslany, the actress tasked with playing the clones. If the original story set-up and visual look and feel were the show’s opening hands, Maslany was its ace up the sleeve. Maslany single-handedly took a concept that was probably going to be just gimmicky in any regular actress’s hands and turned it into something amazing to watch. She played each part with a separate style, including unique mannerisms, physicality, movement and voice. Maslany, unfortunately, is almost certainly not going to win an Emmy for her role here, but that’s to the fault of the Emmys, not her.

Among the roles that Maslany has had to play this year: Sarah, the English drifter; Beth, the Toronto cop; Cosima, the American grad student; Allison, the type-A suburban housewife; Helena, a Russian sociopathic religious fanatic; and Katja, a German socialite. Not enough variation for you? Maslany has, at times, had to play versions of each character pretending to be another character, such as when Sarah pretends to be Beth or when Allison presents to be Sarah. Maslany has so mastered each of these characters that not only do they each feel separate and instantly identifiable on their own, but they have their own nuances when they pretend to be each other. Maslany’s version of Sarah is slightly different than her version of Allison pretending to be Sarah. For an actress so relatively young and never before having anchored a television series, Maslany is providing something of a master class in voice and movement and how to create completely fleshed out, living characters.

Is it wrong that I hope future seasons have them forming a band together?

The variance that Maslany brought to each of her characters alone would be reason to be excited about what’s coming in season two. That not all of the clones make it through season one alive also illustrates that the show isn’t afraid to take some chances, as well as that the deaths that do occur feel like an organic part of the story. I’m really quite excited to see where the show goes given its cliffhanger ending this year, proving that the show has absolutely done its job for me. Tune in folks, you’re going to want to watch this one.

Seriously. Do it. Otherwise the unstable one will cut you.

Orphan Black is available through BBC America and season one will be released on DVD and BluRay on July 16. 

Sister Evangelina Will Cut You

Did your cable drop Oxygen where you live? Are you unable to spend your weekends marathoning The Duchess and the 1995 and 2005 versions of Pride and Prejudice on continuous alternating repeat? Kids, I have your salvation.  It comes in the form of a darling little costume drama that does not get nearly the amount of attention it deserves:  BBC's sleeper hit, Call the Midwife. 

Slums are so whimsical!

I have drunk of the cup of Call the Midwife kool-aid and I am here seeking converts. Oh, yeahhhh. 

Following the runaway train (never goin' back) that is ITV's Downton Abbey, our beloved PBS (fuck you, Mitt Romney) has no qualms with airing ITV and (its rival) BBC dramas on the same network.  THIS IS WHY WE FOUGHT THE REVOLUTION, FOLKS.

Call the Midwife is set in the late 1950s in Poplar, which had historically been an impoverished area of East London. These days, I'm pretty sure Poplar is inhabited by hipsters and performance artists, so I don't recommend stopping during your next tour of London, unless you want your dignity assaulted by a mime. 

Guess what animal I am? Nope. Not that. Nope, not that, either. Nope. I was a frog.

During the Call the Midwife era, Poplar was essentially a slum, which had seen no less than its fair share of tragedy. In 1917, eighteen Poplar children were killed when a German Gotha bomber shellacked a primary school. Even during WWI, it was populated by the disadvantaged, largely ignored by the British government until the National Health Service began serving poor neighborhoods after WWII.

The residents of 1950s Poplar are working class to poverty-stricken, and many are emotionally scarred former residents of 19^th and early 20^th century workhouses. However, being situated close to the docks, some teevee Poplar residents earn income from the shipping and fishing industries. Conditions are still very bad. The housing is substandard and the residents suffer from all the usual suspects that accompany poverty. Also, with this being the 1950s, no one uses birth control.

That is where Nonnatus House steps in. I'm not even exaggerating when I say this, BUT THERE ARE NUNS. Nonnatus House is a convent of Anglican nuns who run a prenatal clinic, a health clinic and deliver most of the babies in Poplar, with the aid of four trained twenty-something nurses from the National Health Service.

We're here to talk to you about sex!

Our heroine is Jenny Lee (Jessica Raine), on whose memoirs of nursing in 1950s and 60s Poplar the show is based. The narrated voice of the older Jenny is none other than VANESSA EFFING REDGRAVE. Also? Nuns.

I'm following every rainbow, bitches!

Jenny left her comfy middle-class home to train as a nurse after her relationship with the married Rakehelly Dishonor Esq. somehow did not work out. The other secular midwives are Trixie (Helen George), "Chummy" Noakes (Miranda Hart) and Cynthia Miller (Bryony Hannah).  Whenever a call comes into Nonnatus House, the midwives on duty pack up their baby-having kit and head off on their bicycles to deliver a baby. Hence the title. 

If you're already squeamish about childbirth, this show will not help. I really think it ought to be shown in high school sex ed classes during the contraceptive unit. Fortunately, I can close my eyes and say, "Ew." The birthing scenes are not really graphic per se, but they're biologically accurate. For those of you who think it's "miraculous," have at it. I will continue to be a little grossed out. 

The Season 2 premiere opens with Jenny riding her bicycle back to the convent as another day of work ends in Poplar. She has been out on a case. When she returns to the convent, there is cake! There is always cake at the convent due to batty Sister Monica Joan's penchant for sweets, but this time, the nuns baked a cake because it's Jenny's birthday! The midwives have a little time to celebrate, and then it's off to the movies! The movie is about Dreamy McDreamboat, who sings about flowers and sunshine. The girls share a box of chocolates they've snuck into the theater. Chocolates are easy to sneak into a movie theater. Harder with doughnuts. Easiest with alcohol.

Sister Julienne normally runs the roost, but the next day, Sister Evangelina (Pam Ferris) gives the midwives their marching orders. She sends Cynthia off to check on a mother whose baby isn't feeding, and upbraids Trixie for walking in late. Trixie protests her day's assignment, but Sister Evangelina shushes her and sends her on her way. Sister Christian doesn't want any nunsense from Trixie, and it doesn't help that Sr. disapproves of Trixie and her fast vixen ways. 

I'm going to wear lipstick and go on dates with men!

At the prenatal clinic, it's up to Chummy to demonstrate to the preggo ladies Dr. Turner's newfangled nitrous oxide machine! Chummy gets to do all the fun stuff. Last season, the nuns asked Chummy to run a clinic (quite literally) on condoms, and she met with skepticism and jeers from local ladies as she demonstrated how to unfold a safety first on a dildo. Nuns have this stuff lying around the convent. Legit. 

Chummy inhales too much gas during the demo, and she quite passes out. Dr. Turner is super stoked about N2O. Its original purpose was to ease labor pains and make delivery a little easier. Also? Laughing gas. However, the midwives find it only results in turning all the expectant mothers in Poplar into huffers.  Cynthia and Chummy discover this on their next case. They're not supposed to call Dr. Turner unless the case turns serious, but the mother insists on getting her fix for her labor pains. Posthaste. This leads to Dr. Turner being called to several ensuing deliveries which he would not have ordinarily attended.

Jenny's worried that Molly Brignall hasn't shown up for her prenatal check. Molly hasn't been in for four weeks, so Sister E tells Jenny to visit the next day. Jenny arrives, and hears Molly's husband yelling at her. Molly's protesting about not being able to do SOMETHING VAGUE because she's almost at term, but Richie's insisting that she has to do it because they need the money. Richie answers the door and he's sickeningly polite, but Jenny's not stupid. She notices that their house is too dirty for a home delivery. She also notices a bruise on Molly's arm. Not cool, bro. It's very apparent to Jenny that her patient is in abusive relationship. Jenny and the other midwives have lost patients in the past, and she's determined to save Molly -- from herself if she has to.  Molly also has a young daughter, Lorraine, who is witnessing all of this. Jenny tells the nuns she can't understand why the house was passed for home delivery five weeks ago, and Cynthia says that, five weeks ago, it did pass inspection. Sister Julienne (Jenny Agutter) instructs Jenny to contact Molly's mother.

Jenny visits Molly's mother, Mrs. Gray. Mrs. Gray tells Jenny that she's had a difficult time with Molly. Molly was evacuated during the war, and she came home afterward, but her father was killed in action and things haven't been the same since. Molly has nearly cut her mother out of her life, and Mrs. Gray says she doesn't like Richie, but Molly feels safe with him. Jenny informs Mrs. Gray that if Molly doesn't clean up her living conditions, the social services will have to get involved. Molly allows her mother to come over and clean after Richie leaves for...wherever it is that Richie goes. If Pete Campbell could be sleazier and smarmier and more of an asshole and way more evil, that would be this Richie fellow.

Richie creepily creeps in a few hours later, and he is none too pleased to see Mrs. Gray there. Jenny leaves, and she hears Richie screaming at Mrs. Gray. Jenny bursts back in, and sees Richie threatening to burn Molly with a cigarette if Mrs. Gray doesn't leave. Jenny leaps at him and shoves him off Molly. Jenny files a report with Chummy's policehusband, Peter (Ben Caplan). Sister Julienne tells Jenny to hold off on getting the federales involved, because she fears that Richie will forbid Molly from receiving any kind of medical care. It's a testament to Jenny and the other three midwives that they get very involved in their respective patients' well-being. Her ensuing visits to Molly are equally heartbreaking. She finally convinces Molly that she must deliver her baby at the maternity home, and she has to leave her daughter with her mother during the delivery. Throughout the episode, Jenny struggles to understand the addictive and unhealthy nature of Molly's relationship with Richie. She doesn't know how to help Molly find the courage to break away from a bad relationship, as she was able to do, because it is a very different situation. Later, Richie says something dickish to Molly, and she goes into labor. She's able to get herself to her mother's house, and her mother telephones Nonnatus House.

Sister Evangelina puts her foot down about the nitrous oxide, and these Modern Females protest that women should be allowed pain treatment during labor. Cynthia and Trixie gossip about how unkempt both the doctor and his son have been looking lately, until Sister Bernadette (Laura Main) shushes them. Sister Bernadette is crushing hard on Dr. Turner. Dr. Turner is a widower with a young son, and he's apparently the only doctor in Poplar, so he of course needs A Woman to Look After Him. 

Now...about that "vow of chastity" part...

Chummy starts to have second thoughts about giving up her ambitions to nurse in Africa (which had been part of her plan to run away from her former Downton Abbey-esque lifestyle). She helps Peter study for his upcoming promotion examination, and she helps him go over the laws about, of all things, PROSTITUTION. For those of you playing at home, have you caught on yet?

If you haven't, Peter calls Nonnatus House from the popo station. Chummy answers, and he tells her there's a woman in labor on board a cargo ship. Chummy thinks it's a joke because women aren't allowed on cargo ships, but Peter insists that it has to be checked out. Trixie's on call that night, and she and Jenny are going to head to the ship, but that's when Mrs. Gray's call comes through. Jenny feels she has to see Molly through this, so Trixie is left to head to the docks at the mercy of Sister Evangelina.  Sister Evangelina assumes the captain of said ship is German -- after he tells her he's Swedish -- and so she takes the obvious course and vacillates between yelling at him in German and Spanish. German + Spanish = Swedish. Trixie and Sister Evangelina are rowed out to the ship and Sister Evangelina takes the opportunity to get in a few digs at Trixie. But wait! There's more! Once they reach the vessel, they learn they must CLIMB A LADDER to get on deck. Sister Evangelina is not exactly young and not in the best of shape, and Trixie is wearing heels. Hijinks ensue. 

Sister Evangelina cannot, in fact, climb every mountain. It seems long ladders dangling from steel vessels are her limit. She falls onto the deck and dislocates her shoulder. It is now up to Trixie to save the day! She successfully climbs the ladder, to the delight of the gentlemen waiting up top. They're led to a tiny cabin, where a young lady is screaming in pain. Such a beautiful thing, that birthing process. 

The senorita in question is Kirsten, the captain's daughter. Kirsten cheerfully reveals to Trixie and Sr. that she's been serving as a live blow-up doll for the sailors on her father's ship. Like this is somehow normal. Apparently, Dear Old Dad has brainwashed her into believing that prostitution is her mission in life, and has even supplied her with a free lifetime's supply of condoms. Darlingest Papa has been whoring out his daughter to his crew, convinced that if they are not horny, they will not think about mutiny. Because that makes sense. Sister Evangelina is mad at hell about this nunsense, and insists that the captain find Kirsten a better room for the birth. Trixie takes charge! She figures she will keep Sister Evangelina placated by plying her with some of the ship's brandy supply.

How fortunate that we took advantage of this poor girl 60 years before the Maury show.

Jenny's able to help Molly through a pretty routine labor, but Trixie isn't so lucky. Trixie alerts Sr. E. that Kirsten's baby is prolapsed, and Sister E helpfully reminds her that a Caesarian is out of the question. They can't physically move Kirsten to a better position, so Trixie improvises by hitching Kirsten up on a chair. Trixie's able to manually get the umbilical cord out of the way ("Lots of room in there," she quips), while Kirsten yells out some curses in Viking. Trixie successfully delivers a baby girl. Kirsten is grateful for their presence, and for the baby. She says she's happy she finally has friends. Estrogen levels surge. Audience reaches for hankies.

Jenny presents Molly with her newborn son, and notices another bruise on her breast area. The next morning, Molly takes the baby and sneaks out of the maternity house before she's properly discharged. Jenny and Mrs. Gray knock on the door, but Richie answers. He takes Lorraine inside and slams the door in their faces. Jenny tries to visit Molly after that, but no one ever answers her knock.

El Capitan thanks Trixie for her service, but Trixie lets him know she's thoroughly disgusted with him pimping his daughter. She lets him know that he has to have a boat waiting for her so she can check in on Kirsten and the baby before they leave port, and she also informs him that she could easily report him to the police. Sister Evangelina gets carried on a gurney to a waiting ambulance, and orders Trixie to giver her some laughing gas. Sister Evangelina is quite the tweaker.

There's a short scene featuring Molly standing in an alleyway, with Richie talking to an unidentified man in a car. Molly gets into the car, and it becomes clear that Richie has been forcing her into prostitution. Jenny finds out later that Asshole Dad has been leaving the children alone, giving them milk and alcohol to keep them quiet. Sadly, the house soon after catches on fire, and Molly and Richie are imprisoned for child neglect. Fortunately, Lorraine and the baby are sent to live with Gran. Mrs. Gray gets a second chance to have a loving family and the children get a chance at a better life. 


The nuns let Trixie work in slacks, and she gets to dress like Marilyn to pay her regular visits to Kirsten.The sight of a nattily clad squaw elates the sailors, all of whom have hopefully found some obliging females whilst in port. Trixie has a present for Kirsten from the National Health Service. It's condoms! What Every Girl Wants. Kirsten informs her that she's gotten some R-E-S-P-E-C-T for herself and will not be playing the Staten Island Ferry for any more men. She is going to disembark once they get to Stockholm and raise her daughter on land. Dad can't object because...well, he can't.

In the foreshadowing department:

1) There's a glimpse of Chummy addressing a letter to Parts Unknown. 

2) Sister Bernadette takes it upon herself to personally sew buttons onto Dr. Turner's coat.

Are you thoroughly verklempt? This author is very happy about the return of Call the Midwife. Now, if only The Beeb had not axed The Hour. I need my Ben Whishaw and I need it now! 

Downton Abbey fans should for sure tune into this show. It's definitely an antidote to whatever Douchebag-Meets-Skank dating reality nonsense the main networks are offering in this time slot.

Call the Midwife airs at 8 p.m. on Sundays in my neck o' the woods. Check your local PBS stations for air dates and times. OR, you can watch episodes online at pbs dot org. Also! Season 1 is FINALLY available on instant watch on Netflix. 

Biker Bitch for the Lord!