Thanks for Chris Pratt

It's been gone for a while, but it's always a good time to think back fondly on the gang from Parks and Rec, right? Guest-poster, Priya, has graciously allowed me to share a tv-themed post from her blog, This is What Comes Next. Enjoy and treat yo self!

"When we worked here together we fought, scratched, and clawed to make people’s lives a tiny bit better. That’s what public service is all about. Small incremental change every day. Teddy Roosevelt once said ‘far and away the best prize that life has to offer is a chance to work hard at work worth doing.’ And I would add what makes work worth doing is getting to do it with people you love.” — Leslie Knope

 

Yesterday we said goodbye to the loveable crew from Pawnee, Indiana and I literally got more emotional than I thought I would. And so, in the spirit of farewell, I pulled together my favorite things, moments, and thoughts from Pawnee, Indiana (with some helpful suggestions from my friends on Twitter and Facebook).

1. Leslie Knope. Though she started out a caricature, a female version of Michael Scott, she quickly grew into the dedicated, loyal, and intelligent person that you can’t help but identify with. Leslie wants everyone to be happy, and her enthusiasm was mostly infectious. While she taught us a lot of lessons one of her biggest legacies will be Galentine’s day. The day before Valentine’s Day where ladies celebrate ladies.

 

2. History at the local level. I will be the first to admit that Parks and Rec lovingly mocked the protectors of history, but as with most stories there was always a teensy bit of truth.

“We need better less-offensive history.” In Season 2, Episode 9 The Camel, we get a closer look at 1930s murals in the Pawnee Town Hall. This mural called the “Spirit of Pawnee” depicted stereotypes of various ethnicities in an incredibly offensive manner. At first glance the episode seemed to advocate for change, to remove the offensive images as an acknowledgment of their racism — but in the end the mural remained with only a name change “The Diversity Express” underscoring the ridiculousness and awfulness of the images depicted.

I thought the intervening mural competition did highlight how people connect to place. Asking the questions with hilarious results: how would you depict the place where you live? What story would you tell? The show was always great at highlighting this connection.

Another example: In the most recent season Leslie worked to create a National Park in Pawnee. Granted she tried to create it in a completely non-reality based way, but the sentiment remained. What I appreciated about that storyline was how she convinced the corporation, Gryzzl, to adopt a run-down part of town and to revitalize a neighborhood that was falling apart. It was a key part of the plan to convince them to rehab existing building stock instead of starting a new. My preservation heart forgave them for the earlier flaw and accepted it in the spirit in which the story was told.

Other history moments?

The time Leslie tried to save a Gazebo at a historic house and chained herself to a fence. [Season 2, 94 Meetings] “History is important. You can’t just go around changing everything all the time. Otherwise the next thing you’ll know they’ll be painting the white house, not white.”

Then she tried to change outdated laws in Season 5 and was met by a history buff who wanted to keep a tradition alive.

Or when they visited a historic house museum with fake objects. These moments may have made me shake my head, but they also made me smile.

3. Moments. Hysterical moments. Burt Macklin, Waffles, Jerry or is it Gary? April’s weirdness. Ron’s hidden gold, Tammy, Rent a Swag, TREAT YOURSELF.

4. Literally. My co-worker who shall not be named does a great Chris Traeger impression. As much as I loved Rob Lowe as Sam Seaborn. Rob Lowe as Traeger on Parks and Rec? Perfect. As for my co-worker? I will always have that day at the office where she performed a full, playing all the characters, interpretation, of this scene. It’s a classic.

5. Little Sebastian. That tiny horse pulled at heart strings. He brought people together. So much of this town’s identity was wrapped up in strange festivals, rivalries with Eagleton, and bizarre relationship with its past. Sebastian exemplified how, in the end, the strange trip was all about making the community better, even with all the challenges.

Up in horsey heaven, here’s the thing
You trade your legs for angels wings
 And once we’ve all said good-bye
You take a running leap and you learn to fly

Bye Bye Li’l Sebastian
Miss you in the saddest fashion
 Bye Bye Li’l Sebastian
You’re 5000 candles in the wind

So Bye bye Parks and Rec. There won’t be anything quite like you, ever again.

Please and thank you.

HBO Round-Up

 **Spoilers for the season finale of Game of Thrones and season premiere of True Blood*

It seems to defy belief that the fourth season of Game of Thrones would end and nobody here at TV Sluts would comment on it. I mean, we commented on it to other people in our daily lives, but just not to you guys. Not because we don't love you, but because you would be surprised how hard it is to coordinate the schedules of several working adults to figure out a time when an online chat can take place.

So instead of a patented TV Sluts GOT chat, you'll just have to make do with little old me, sharing some thoughts.

First thought: WOW.

This season has been my favorite by far, and not just because we are into some real meaty plot stuff, but because it is also the season that has deviated the most from the books. Not in any real substantive way, but in some amazing character moments and relationships and yes, even some minor changes in the plot.

Remember this guy from the book? YEAH, ME NEITHER.

So despite having read all the books several times, I was still on the edge of my seat throughout the finale. Scenes like the Hound. vs. Brienne throw-down (not in the book) had me filled with anxiety because I had no idea what was going to happen! That must be how watching the entire show is for others. How do y'all take the pressure??

Even when I knew what was going to happen, such as the Tyrion--Shae--Tywin scene, everything was so well done and acted that I was peeking through my fingers because of the tension. Tywin Lannister, the most powerful person in Westeros, killed by his son on the shitter....oh, excuse me, the privy. Classic.

"Lord Tywin Lannister, did not, in the end, shit gold."

I don't want to go through and just rehash the finale with comments like "wasn't that cool?!?" because the whole thing was cool. This show just keeps getting better and better, and despite all the horror, death, and pain of the fourth season, they even managed to end on a hopeful note with Arya sailing off to a new life across the sea.

*cue "awwwwws" from the crowd*

....and as they say, out with the old and in with the new! With the conclusion of Game of Throne's most recent season, we get the premiere of True Blood's seventh and final season.

It seems like I might have been the only person who was excited for the True Blood premiere. Everybody I would ask "are you watching True Blood???" would look at me weird and respond with something along the lines of, "oh, I stopped watching X number of years ago." This saddens me, because I still find the show wildly entertaining. Silly, no doubt, but still entertaining.

The season premiere last Sunday followed a typical True Blood pattern. We started off with a bang, checked in with all the characters, laid the groundwork for the season to come, and had to make due with some meh plots.

There was no waiting for the action in the premiere; we opened the show right where we left off, with a horde of hepatitis V infested vampires attacking (and kidnapping and killing) many of the poor citizens of Bon Temps.

And then....we flash over to Tara's gross mother, who, in an astounding act of grace in last season's finale, finally "fed" and "nourished" her daughter by allowing Tara to drink her blood. And Tara's mother is weeping over a big pile of vampire goo that is....Tara. Yep, apparently Tara died. And off screen!

Clean up in aisle 3. 

Of course, I immediately call bullshit. No way True Blood is going to kill a major character without some more fanfare. But then I read this article by my favorite tv author, Jacob (who used to write amazing recaps for Television Without Pity). Jacob raises the most excellent point that the show has basically shit all over Tara's character since the second season, so Tara's potential death feels more likely. Sadly. Despite Tara's kind of...I dunno, uselessness? to the overall plot aside from being the person who wanders off and gets in trouble or yells at everyone a lot, I've always liked the character. Probably because the actress does such a great job, but still. Tara deserved better. 

Though like I said...if she ends up coming back in some fashion, I definitely won't be surprised.

The episode set things up nicely for the season: all the show's most annoying characters are locked in the Fangtasia basement getting eaten one by one by the infected vampires. Sookie is still making stupid decisions (wandering off in a huff when she KNOWS there is a pack of evil vampires close by) but somehow still being awesome and banging Alcide so at least girlfriend has made one good choice. Jessica is quickly becoming one of my favorites through her bravery in protecting half-fairy Adilyn, Andy has shown some of the best character development in the last seven years of any character I can think of, Bill is....well nobody really cares about Bill, right? Except his book does sound like something I would TOTALLY read.

This is totally my next book club pick. My Mom is gonna love it.

There are more characters and subplots then you can shake a stick at, but it seems like this year True Blood has finally hit upon a main story that affects everyone on the show and is driving everyone towards related goals. Except for one notable exception.

Pam spent the premiere wandering around "exotic foreign" backlot sets in her search for Erik. We haven't seen hide (and what a nice hide it is) nor hair of him since he burst into flames on the side of a Swedish mountain last year. I love that Pam is looking for him, especially after he released her from the maker bond, but dear god, I am already bored with this plot.

Bring Erik back. NOW.

But that one flaw aside, I am very excited for what the final season holds. I haven't read the Sookie Stackhouse books so have no idea how things end up there and no expectations or hopes for how things end up on the tv show. As always with True Blood, the best strategy is just to enjoy the ride. Silly as it may be.

Erik is always starting fires. IN MY PANTS.

A Deliciously Disturbing Meal

You guys.  You guys!  You watched Hannibal, right?  RIGHT???  The season finale actually occurred the other week while I was, as Arsenic Pie termed it, decamped to parts unknown, but finally caught up now that I am back home.  And damn.  That’s how you do a season finale. 

"I feel like this won't end well for all of us..."

We’ve talked about Hannibal here a couple of times in the past.  It remains the show that I am continually most flummoxed by on television if only because I have no idea how it is that this show is airing on network TV and has not yet been pulled by the censors or cancelled by the network.  Hannibal is artful in its presentation of murder.  It spends just as much time focused on the presentation and styling of the cinematically murdered dead bodies as it does on the cuisine.  The fact that it often merges those two worlds is completely intentional.  This is, after all, a show about a serial-killing cannibal. 

Creator Bryan Fuller is known for highly stylized television (he’s the mind behind Wonderfalls¸ Pushing Daisies, and Dead Like Me) but that style tends to be hyper-saturated and fairytale-like.  Hannibal, by contrast, is just as visually stylized but is far more grounded in the real world.  All those whimsical colors are de-saturated and made cold and steel-y.  The visual representations of Will’s inner mind, including the frightening representations of the Stag Monster that Will sees as the emblem of his relationship with Hannibal and his own growing inner madness, are muted, dark and disorienting to say nothing of the insanely creative and visually stunning ways in which people die on this show, which has included a human body being made into a string instrument so that the killer can "play" the body's vocal chords with a bow and bodies with the skin of their backs flayed and then displayed like wings while the bodies are posed like angels.  I mention all of this because these aspects of the show came into pitch-perfect place during season two’s finale.

Human being grown into a tree. That...can't feel good.  

For those needing a brief catch-up, Hannibal the show has been following the early years of Hannibal Lector (Mads Mikkelsen) during his time as a respected psychologist, aesthete, and member of Baltimore society.  His friend, FBI profiler Jack Crawford (Laurence Fishburne) uses Hannibal to care for Will Graham (Hugh Dancy), a fellow profiler who is uncanny in his ability to understand killers but whose ability to do so has made him emotionally and mentally vulnerable.  Of course, turning Will over to Hannibal Lector for safe keeping is like asking the Republican Party to watch after women’s rights initiatives.  Which is to say, Hannibal is essentially on a psychological feeding frenzy with Will, distorting him throughout season one and manipulating him into his own deranged psyche.  

Season two follows Will’s descent into madness and suspicion that his friend is not the kindly man we believe, but instead is “The Chesapeake Ripper”, a serial killer known for a highly inventive and poetic murdering style. At the start of season two, Will has been incarcerated in a mental institution based on Hannibal’s convincing the FBI into believing that Will is the Ripper.  Will is eventually released and begins a dangerous game of cat and mouse with Hannibal, trying to convince him that he has become Hannibal’s protégé and is, like Hannibal, a superior being able to murder and maim just as poetically and meaningfully. All the while, Will is playing double-agent by working with Jack Crawford to bring Hannibal to justice.  Or is he? 

Will’s madness and instability is a key theme throughout the season and it’s left mostly ambiguous as to whether or not Will is truly working with Jack or has become an honest to God killer like Hannibal is training him to be.  The back and forth culminates in a season finale where everything comes to a head – Jack confronts Hannibal in his home, attempting to bring him down but in the process is attacked by Hannibal and possibly left to die from a mortal stab to the neck in Hannibal’s own pantry.  Fellow psychologist and sometimes-friend to Will Alana Bloom is shoved out of an upper story window in Hannibal’s home and left to die, broken and bleeding in the rain on the sidewalk.  Will himself is stabbed by Hannibal and, you guessed it, left to die in the kitchen (of all places) after coming clean about his attempt to bring Hannibal in.  Hannibal himself displays what might be the most unhinged moments of his life as we’ve seen them so far in this series, clearly hurt by the betrayal of Will whom he has come to invest so much in.  “I gave you a precious gift,” Hannibal tells a dying Will, “but you didn’t want it.”  The homoeroticism of Hannibal’s attack on Will, the intermingling of their relationship with each other, and the almost tenderness with which Hannibal carries out his final sentencing on Will is one of the reasons why I am amazed this show is still on the air.

Subtext entirely intended.

Season two ends with Hannibal leaving his own home as three of our main characters lie extremely close to death behind him.  Hannibal walks off into a cleansing rain, away from the police who are about to arrive and discover exactly what has gone down.  His life under the radar is over; Hannibal knows this.  And so our final shot is of him fleeing on an airplane to France with a surprising traveling companion: Dr. Bedelia Du Maurier, his own therapist who had previously been open with Will about her beliefs that Hannibal was dangerous and Will innocent of the crimes he was accused of.  Why Bedelia is on that plane and why she smiles so lovingly at Hannibal in the final shot given how clearly terrified she has been of him throughout the season is one of the mysteries that Fuller has promised we will learn in season three.

A special note about Bedelia Du Maurier – she’s played by Gillian Anderson at her iciest.  Everything about Anderson’s concept of this character, a mysterious former colleague of Hannibal who has been seeing him as her only patient after being attacked herself at some point in her past by another patient, is dead on.  Everything about her communicates a frozen person, from her almost white-blond hair that never moves to her slow, controlled walk.  This is a woman who has been traumatized and is so terrified that she’s concluded the only way to stay safe is to remain utterly still.  Anderson is an amazing actress and manages to make that iciness come off as damage, rather than bitchiness.

But at least she has a well-apportioned kitchen?

Hannibal will definitely be back next year and I already can’t wait.  The focus will reportedly be on Will Graham’s hunt for Hannibal, leading into the events from the books that fans of the characters will already know.  (The first book about Hannibal Lector, Red Dragon, is set after the events we’ve seen so far in Hannibal with the most famous volume, Silence of the Lambs, occurring after that.  Fuller has said that the show has a plan to include the events of both of those stories, including that most famous compatriot of the good Dr. Lector, Clarice Starling.)  Hannibal probably isn’t one of those shows that I can tell you to start watching if you’re not already inclined – the disturbing visuals coupled with the general concept are high bars for folk who aren’t particularly interested in this genre.  But if you can stomach (heh) the concept, the show is so well worth the watching that you won’t regret the attempt. 

When you were a kid, your mom likely told you just to try a few bites of the food on your plate before you could say you didn’t like it.  Appropriately enough, the same is true for Hannibal. 

Season Finale! And the Fangirls Wept...

Midday in the Garden of Good and Evil plotlines. Alcide has apparently remembered that he used to be a character that we liked because he graciously offers to join Sookie as she walks home from Terry’s funeral and contemplates mortality, right and wrong, why she wore high heels, etc. The flirty eyes are on full display and just might continue even though Sookie is supposedly trying to remember which creature of the night she’s going to make an undying promise to when they overhear the newly freed vampires stumbling back to Bill’s house, still high as a punch of pale kites. And fucking each other in Bill’s lawn. But in a Summer-of-Love-Peace-Out-Brother kind of way, so it’s beautiful. Or something.

"Come on people, now - Smile on your brother. Everybody get together, just don't eat one another right now..."

Sookie approaches when the vamps are literally jitterbugging. And that’s not a metaphor. Although I suppose some of them probably were alive during the 1920s, so it’s not that odd that they’d still want to cut a rug, old style. Next they start burning their prison uniforms, completely unable to understand what time they live in. Violet is feeding off Jason and offering him her blood, which Jason accepts willingly until Sookie stops them. Despite being initially upset that Jason never mentioned a sister (because their relationship up until this point has been about sharing?), Violet is suddenly overtaken by the need to make out with Sookie before letting Sookie and Jason talk. Jason tells Sookie that he might be in love with Violet and wants to be with her forever as Sookie gets more and more emo about the meaning of that word. 

Back in the Faerie dimension, Ben is hearing wedding bells and has prepared a Maypole for their wedding ceremony. Ben’s having a hard time understanding how a funeral for a friend is making Sookie feel less excited about her upcoming nuptials despite the reasonable argument that if they’re going to be together forever, maybe going out on a few dates before the wedding is order. And that’s when Ben slaps Sookie so hard she falls to the ground.

It’s not that we haven’t all wanted to hit Sookie at some point, but you’re not making the case for Husband of the Year here.

VampireCamp has become Vampire Summer Camp as the vamps all play volleyball in the sun. Violet is having a case of “Bitch stay away from my man” jealousy with Jessica talking to Jason. Pam meanwhile, wants to be into it but is missing Eric and wants to go after him, despite Tara trying to reason with her not to. Bill is also not appreciating the fun, staying inside and brooding over the fact that he doesn’t seem to have Lilith’s powers any longer. He’s also just now realizing that he pushed Sookie to Ben and that she’ll soon be a vampire and his wife and there’s nothing Bill can do about it. “You said you were Bill again,” Jessica tells him when he confesses this to her. “Bill Compton would have walked through fire to save her.”

Bill gathers Jessica, Violet and Jason and tells them about Sookie and Ben and that the only person who can get them all to Sookie in the Faerie dimension is Andy Bellefleur’s half fey daughter Adilyn. Arriving at the Bellefleur house, Jason is welcomed in but problems arise when Violet confesses that she needs to be invited in, sending everyone into a perfectly understandable panic. Violet tries to calm them down by insisting that she only feeds off Jason. “We’re monogamous,” she explains. Jason begs Adilyn to help Sookie, who agrees after listening to Jason’s thoughts and understanding how genuinely he wants to save Sookie. Andy only agrees if he’s allowed to come too and can bring his vampire armory.

In Faerieland, Ben has bound Sookie to the Maypole and monologues about he was meant to be with Sookie and be faerie royalty, but Lilith took it all. Also, turns out he really just wants to (in his words) “fuck you, and own you, and use you for your blood.” Cue the biting as Sookie screams, but suddenly hears Adilyn call to her. In our world, the A-Team has arrived but Adilyn isn’t sure how to open the portal. “I’m, like, two weeks old!” she reminds the rest of them when they express exasperation at this. Bill tries some new age coaching about connecting with the earth but it doesn’t work. Theorizing that maybe Adilyn needs to be afraid to use her powers, Violet obliges, attacking Adilyn and causing the portal to open and everyone to be taken into it.

The gang arrives and the Vamp Fight begins! Ben and Bill fight while the rest of the team grabs Sookie and brings her back to our world, leaving Bill to continue the fight until Ben opens the portal himself and brings them both back as well, knocking Bill unconscious in the process. Ben finds the rest of the gang at Sookie’s house and proceeds to take them down, one by one. Ben can enter Sookie’s house, but Bill can’t, leaving Ben to lock Jason, Adilyn and Andy in the basement. Ben finds Sookie upstairs in the bathroom and is about to move in when who should reappear but Grandpa! Grandpa finally breaks through that dimensional portal Ben threw him into so many episodes ago just in time to hold Ben in place so Jason can stake him good and proper.

Three cheers for Rutger Hauer, ladies and gentlemen!

As Ben disintegrates into a pile of radioactive red goo and Jason, Sookie and Grandpa rejoice in their winnings, all the vampires who drank Ben’s blood begin to glow, seeing their ability to go out in the sun removed from them. Good thing it’s night, right? Well, true, but here’s the funny thing about time zones – when it’s nighttime in Louisiana, it’s high noon in Sweden, which is where Eric has gone to go sunbathing in the nude. That sound you hear? That’s the sound of millions of fangirls crying out as Eric Northman, sex symbol of True Blood, erupts in flames and burns, presumably to his death. Personally, I'll believe it when I see next season's cast list.

This picture and the gifs of him standing up full frontal and bursting into flames are literally making up about half of the internet right now. 

Cut to six months later and Lawrence O’Donnell (seriously) is giving a news report about new cases of mutated Hepatitis V being diagnosed and interviewing Bill, who’s the author of a new book about his experiences called And God Bled. Well done, publishing industry! Sookie watches the interview from home as Bill confesses to killing the Governor which he justifies as an action that’s understandable given that it was technically a biological weapon against a particular class of people. Yes, True Blood, I get it – Nazis were evil. Moving on… Alcide and Sookie are officially a couple that sexes each other all the time now. Violet has convinced Jason to redecorate his basement to be her girly bedroom, even if Violet will only let Jason go down on her and won’t let him take off his pants. Not very GGG, Violet.

Sam, meanwhile, has been elected Mayor and has organized a community-wide blood test at church one Sunday to see if anyone in Bon Temps is a carrier for Hep V. Predictably for the South, the Whites sit on one side and the Blacks on the other until the preachers convince everyone to mingle a bit. Sookie introduces herself to a young black girl named Crystal, who seems a little scared by the reverend’s sermon about “roving bands of hungry vampires” who are out to destroy small towns.  When Sam takes the podium, he outlines a plan that he and Bill have come up with – that night, the results of the blood tests will be available at Bellefleur’s Grill (the renamed Merlott’s) along with the good times that, as they are wont to do in Louisiana, shall roll. The catch is that every uninfected human will agree to let an uninfected vampire feed from them in exchange for protection for them and their families. This… doesn’t go over well, despite Sam’s insistence that “every single human needs and vampire and every vampire needs a human” in order to be safe in the Brave New World.

This is one of the only two times we see Lafayette in this episode. UNACCEPTABLE!

That night, the band plays, the people mingle, the food is eaten. Humans and (select) vampires together. Cats lay down with dogs. Both Alcide and Sookie share their negative results (Jesus, True Blood – pick a metaphor!) as Tara, the perpetually lonely single girl, confesses to Violet that she’s not sure she would pick any of the slobby men here. Dead or living, it’s always the same story for the sad girl at the party, isn’t it? Tara’s mother approaches her to apologize for 25 years of bad history between the two of them. Her mother confesses that she’s knows she’s guilty for neglecting Tara as she grew up, even forgetting at times to feed her as a child, but now she wants to make it right and offers her blood to her. Tara emotionally agrees, moving in to bite her mother. The entire scene is actually equal party squicky, frightening and sweet.

What? No Madonna and child imagery to go along with the VampireJesus? Missed opportunity, True Blood.

Adilyn and Andy, meanwhile, are watching Toddlers and Tiaras when the door knocks. It’s Jessica, who has come to offer both of them protection, but not for either of their blood. She tells them that she will keep them both safe, no strings attached. Andy considers shooting Jessica through the heart, but lets her go instead as Jessica stands guard outside their house in the dark.

Bill finds Sookie and Alcide leaving the party and offers protection to Sookie, saying Alcide isn’t good enough and that he’s changed and can be trusted. “Even at your best, I could never really trust you,” Sookie tells him. Just then, both Alcide and Bill pick up the scent of some approaching infected vampires looking to move into the party like it’s a buffet, which it kind of is. They are quickly joined by more and more infected vampires who all begin to move in.

And with that, vampire pop culture has finally grown out of its Anne Rice phase and moved back to the point where vampires are once again scary instead of sexy. I really, really hope this is the direction they move in for the seventh season (oh yes, there's going to be one) because it's beyond obvious to say that I think we've done the sexy vampire thing to death. 

True Blood was at its best when it began partially because it was one of the first of the post-Interview vampire stories in the public eye to at least partially embrace the vampire as, if not horrifying, at least dangerous. And not dangerous in an "Finally! A bad boy that I can take home to mom and dad because they'll hate him and his leather jacket and motorcycle" kind of way. True Blood has within it the potential to keep breaking new ground with vampires, even if the show has kind of lagged the past couple of years. 

Of course, you could also make the argument that the infected vampires shambling out of the bayou to devour the innocent party goers is less a stroke of originality and more an attempt to capitalize on another tired trend, the zombie story. But let's (perhaps foolishly) give it the benefit of the doubt until at least next summer and hope that scary, ugly vampires are finally coming back to us.

Praise Lilith!

Attack of the Clones

Okay. So. You all watched Orphan Black, right? RIGHT? Seriously. If there was a more surprising show on television during this past spring, I’ll eat my hat.  I wrote about the show at the beginning of its 10-episode long first season, and now that we’ve come to the end of the season, let’s take a quick look back at one of the most innovative new shows this season. Slight spoilers in the paragraph below, however only in broad strokes. If you want to avoid all of them, just skip down to below the picture of the man with the ridiculously well-toned pectorals.

In terms of the plot, we learned that Sarah, the ne’er-do-well from England who has arrived in Canada some time previously, is drawn into a web of intrigue when a police officer who looks exactly like her commits suicide in front of her and Sarah decides to assume her identity. From there, Sarah learns that she is actually a clone, created for some unknown purpose, and that there are several more of her spread around the globe. To complicate things, the clones are being hunted down by a religious order (possibly) while being simultaneously pursued for some unknown reason by a group of technological futurists calling themselves the Neolutionists. Sarah, meanwhile, must keep her “partner” at the Toronto police force off the trail of the strange murders of women who look just like her and her possible involvement with them while at the same time she’s starting to suspect that Paul, the boyfriend of the woman who’s identity she’s assumed, may in fact be working for one of these clandestine groups.

Along the way, Sarah must interact with the other clones, who are almost alternate reality versions of herself. The tension gets higher when Sarah learns that each of the clones have “monitors”, or people installed in their lives to watch them and report back, however it’s not clear who those monitors are or which group they work for. This means that we get to know Sarah, but also her doppelgangers, learning more about each of their lives and seeing how they each fit into the broader puzzle. And we quickly realize that not all of the clones are working with each other and not all of them have the best intentions toward the others.

Fear not, ladies. There's a little somethin' somethin' in here for you too.

Okay, Spoiler-phobes. You can come back now.

First off, the good news (for my taste at least) is that this show didn’t succumb to the Lost-ization factor that I worried in my original post that it might. By that I mean that while the mysteries built on each other throughout the season and the mythology behind them was definitely dense and complex, none of the questions we found ourselves asking as viewers were put there simply for the sake of complexity. In other words, the show was taut, lean and we got a very clear idea that the writers know where this story is headed.

The second good thing it has going for it is the unique look and feel of the entire show. Not quite realism, not quite expressionism, the show didn’t look like anything we’ve seen before. The palate, generally muted through most shots, occasionally found ways to clash bright color against itself. As I said before, the only thing I’ve seen previously that reminded me of the same way the show used colors and visuals was Blade Runner, another story about people who are clones without necessarily realizing it. Regardless, it was the kind of visuals that we just don’t often see on television, so kudos to BBC America for putting together something really original.

Good evening, Mr. Decker. 

But of course, the 900-lb gorilla in the room is Tatiana Maslany, the actress tasked with playing the clones. If the original story set-up and visual look and feel were the show’s opening hands, Maslany was its ace up the sleeve. Maslany single-handedly took a concept that was probably going to be just gimmicky in any regular actress’s hands and turned it into something amazing to watch. She played each part with a separate style, including unique mannerisms, physicality, movement and voice. Maslany, unfortunately, is almost certainly not going to win an Emmy for her role here, but that’s to the fault of the Emmys, not her.

Among the roles that Maslany has had to play this year: Sarah, the English drifter; Beth, the Toronto cop; Cosima, the American grad student; Allison, the type-A suburban housewife; Helena, a Russian sociopathic religious fanatic; and Katja, a German socialite. Not enough variation for you? Maslany has, at times, had to play versions of each character pretending to be another character, such as when Sarah pretends to be Beth or when Allison presents to be Sarah. Maslany has so mastered each of these characters that not only do they each feel separate and instantly identifiable on their own, but they have their own nuances when they pretend to be each other. Maslany’s version of Sarah is slightly different than her version of Allison pretending to be Sarah. For an actress so relatively young and never before having anchored a television series, Maslany is providing something of a master class in voice and movement and how to create completely fleshed out, living characters.

Is it wrong that I hope future seasons have them forming a band together?

The variance that Maslany brought to each of her characters alone would be reason to be excited about what’s coming in season two. That not all of the clones make it through season one alive also illustrates that the show isn’t afraid to take some chances, as well as that the deaths that do occur feel like an organic part of the story. I’m really quite excited to see where the show goes given its cliffhanger ending this year, proving that the show has absolutely done its job for me. Tune in folks, you’re going to want to watch this one.

Seriously. Do it. Otherwise the unstable one will cut you.

Orphan Black is available through BBC America and season one will be released on DVD and BluRay on July 16. 

What Kind of Woman Changes Her Clothes in Front of a Teenage Boy?

Season finale of Bates Motel, everyone. Ready to find out how all these unsavory plotlines come together?

We begin with Mother rushing into the police station demanding to speak with the Sheriff in “a matter of life and death”. Despite the incompetent or possibly just fed up front desk worker, Mother gets to see the sheriff where she tells him about Abernathy’s demand that she supply $150,000 or he kills her sons. The Sheriff promises to take care of it in a bored voice. When Mother balks he promises no harm will come to her family. Seems like the good lawman knows more than he’s letting on. Sure enough, he later goes home and ruffles through his garage until he finds a duffle bag full of cash.

Sad Lonely Person Emma is staring wistfully at the “Winter Formal” dance banner in the school hallway. “You look pathetic,” Norman tells her in what I think he imagines is friendly but really just illustrates how much this young man will never get along well with women. Emma angsts her feelings about how she can’t go because no one asked her. After several minutes of hints and even more clueless teenage communication, Norman finally asks her. “Okay, jerkoff,” Emma agrees.

"You...Make...Me...Feel like I'm living a... Teen...Age..Dream..."

At home, Mother tells Dylan that she needs a gun to defend herself and wants Dylan to get one for her. She even makes him pancakes to convince him. “You and a gun is a bad idea,” Dylan sagely tells her.

Undaunted by threats to life and limb, Mother takes her clothes to the dry cleaner. When a fellow townsperson seems afraid of her, she helps herself out by yelling “screw you, shithead” at him. She’s a charmer. Later, she decides to go back to the shrink that she took Norman to a few episodes ago, despite having been delinquent in her appointments. She wants some advice on handling all the stress of finding the corpse of her murdered Mann Act-violating lover in her bed and feeling all the feelings about her son while at the same time dealing with death threats from a psychopath, or as she calls it, “normal life stuff.” The shrink asks her about her childhood. She tells a bucolic story about a kind father who always smiled and a mother who always smelled like cookies and dear God no one actually believes her, right? She suddenly feels ill before any more backstory can come out and leaves abruptly.

In school, Norman overhears his guidance counselor having an emotional phone call her with presumably ex-boyfriend/stalker. She begs him not to tell anyone about what he overheard. “this means we have a secret now. You’ll keep it for me, won’t you?” she asks and then hugs him close. Worst. Guidance Counselor. Ever.

The Sheriff meets a woman who turns out to be Keith Summers’ sister. She is sporting an awesome black eye, which prompts the Sheriff to ask whether or not Abernathy gave that to her. She says he came looking for Shelby’s money and beat her when he realized she didn’t have it.  The women tells the Sheriff that Abernathy is running the same sex trafficking arrangements in multiple towns up and down the coast. She asks the Sheriff what’s going to happen to her. “Nothing if you keep your mouth shut,” he tells her.

At the Motel, Emma tells Mother that Norman is taking her to the dance and asks for her opinion on a dress she bought. As mother models the dress for her, Emma asks about the scar on her thigh. Mother tries to brush it off as an old wound from childhood resulting from spilled hot chocolate and then makes a quick exit. Leaving, she runs into Dylan who has reneged and bought Mother a gun. He takes her to practice shooting. While practicing, Mother asks what kind of job Dylan has that he carries a gun. Dylan admits to guarding weed, which sends Mother into Calamity Jane mode and she just starts shooting at the glass bottles they’ve set up for practice. She starts nailing targets before confessing how scared she is to Dylan. For his part, Dylan calls her “Mom” for the first time in an attempt to reassure her.

She's actually aiming at Anton Chekov, perched just off-screen. 

Back at the Motel, Maggie Summers, sister to Keith, comes to see Mother and warn her about Abernathy. “He will kill you,” she tells Mother. Comforting. Meanwhile, Bradley comes to the house to see Dylan. Norman answers the door. Awkward. Turns out she’s just here to gather the stuff from her father’s office. Norman is understandably moody about Bradley’s interest in talking to Dylan. Later, Norman throws a temper tantrum at not being able to find black socks to go to the dance. Dylan’s all, chill, dude – you can borrow mine. Dylan tries to explain that he’s not interested in Bradley, but Norman displays all the maturity of a teenage boy about it, telling Dylan he may as well just ask her out.

Downstairs, Mother and Norman wait for Emma. Mother’s nervous about being alone in the house for the time while Norman is gone, given Abernathy said he’s coming back for her. The nervousness makes Mother decide to finally tell someone the truth about her background – she is from Ohio, not Florida like she’s always said. But that’s not even the biggest thing she’s held back – growing up her brother used to force her to have sex with him, something that went on for years. You’d think a son would want to process some of this information, but just then Emma arrives for the dance. Norman is, understandably, distant, but they head off the to dance anyway. As they leave, Abernathy calls Mother to again be a dick and remind her that he wants his money.

The dance is RIDICULOUSLY over-decorated. Hollywood always thinks that high schools have way more money than they do in their teenage party budget. Norma and Emma dance, pretty well for teenagers. Like, there’s no A-frame dancing at all. Bradley is at the dance too and Emma has a hard time dealing with Norman clearly being still a little hung up on her. Emma storms off just as Bradley’s boyfriend, Whatshisname, pulls Norman outside the dance to be the mean bully cliché, punching Norman in the stomach and telling him to Stay Away From My Girl, McFly.

Tonight, the part of Weaselly Cliche Plot Generator will be played by this man. 

Sad, dejecting Norman walks home in the rain when he is picked up by his guidance counselor. She brings him to her house (heeyyy!) ostensibly to take care of his beaten up face.

Meanwhile, Mother has packed a bag, including her new gun, as headed out to meet Abernathy at the docks. As she tries her best to slink around in the dark, she sees the Sheriff approach Abernathy’s car with his bag of cash. Abernathy doesn’t recognize him and wants to know what happened to the “cute but naughty lady who runs the hotel?” The Sheriff says that Abernathy is running a business in his town and if he wants to keep going, Abernathy will have to deal the Sheriff in 50/50. The Sheriff passes the bag of money to Abernathy and takes advantage of the misdirection to shoot Abernathy in the face and dump his body into the water. He then tells Mother, who is hiding in the shadows, to go home and just trust him, goddammit.

At the counselor’s house, she’s put on her best little red number to clean Norman’s wounds in front of a romantic fire. “You probably shouldn’t tell anyone you came here,” she tells him, displaying an amazing lack of professionalism to say the least. She then saunters into the bedroom to “slip into something more comfortable”, changing where Norman can see her. Norman’s getting an eyeful when suddenly he hallucinates Mother sitting next to him, asking him WTF does she think she’s doing seducing a teenager like that. “You know what you have to do, Norman,” HeadMother says darkly.

Norman runs out of the house through the rain, almost getting run over by the real Mother returning from the docks. Mother holds Norman, telling him everything’s finally going to be all right for them. Then the series ends with puppies and rainbows and sunshine.  Of course it doesn’t. It ends with a shot of the guidance counselor, still in her negligee dead on the floor of her bedroom, throat cut open and wearing a necklace with a “B” attached to it.

Like this, but with more neck trauma. Which is saying something. 

You Lost Me at "Kitsune"

SORRY about the horrible delay in getting the Lost Girl finale recap posted. I know you've all moved on to Orphan Black by now (and if you haven't, you should do so posthaste). But, OMG but you guys! You guys!! You. Guys. Lost Girl has been picked up by Syfy for another season, and it will return in 2014!!!

So, let's get down to it.  Lost Girl has baffled me for most of this season. Bo nearly devolved into Under Fae and then she went through The Dawning, which on the whole, was rather underwhelming. Dyson volunteered to go in as her second and then he died but then Bo sucked out some chi from the Scooby Gang and gave it to Dyson and then he was no longer dead. Then Bo and Kenzi defeated a group of suburban moms who decided to be witches in addition to their weekly book club and yoga meetings (I just assumed witchcraft is common among suburbanite ladies). Before that, the Scooby Gang ran into a sorority full of Japanese fox demons. It turned out that that nasty rash Kenzi picked up at The Norn's digs allowed her kitsune twin to kidnap her and turn her into a rabid, snarling bitch. Then she got Bo locked in a cage. Then she tried to rape Dyson.

I'm Naruto??

Kenzi hasn't been around much most of this season and in the final two episodes, some totally racist Death Eater level Faes make it uber clear to Kenz that she's not wanted in the Fae world because she's human. It's like the writers all decided that Kenzi was more interesting and less whiny than Bo's girlfriend Lauren and so they pushed her to the side. For that matter, most of the interesting supporting characters are MIA this season. Kenzi hasn't been around that much; Vex, who is hilarious, has shown up about twice (and he went completely batshit and not in a fun way) and even The Morrigan has only been in two or three episodes. Dyson's former police partner Hale, who was elected Acting Ash,  has also been relegated to a minor role. Who did we get instead? The snoozefest that is Lauren. She left Fae-town a few episodes ago but you knew she would be back because she left in company with Isaac, who seemed interesting at first, then vaguely evil, then creepy and then you Solemnly Swore He was Up to No Good. 

And whatever. I'm sure we'd all rather see Bo with Dyson anyway. I get that there's probably a contingent of Lost Girl fans who like seeing a legit LGBT relationship taken seriously on teevee, but OMG Lauren is so awful. Like. She's just so, so awful. I feel like they tried this season to make her more likable and interesting, but now she's done gone gotten herself mixed up with this craycray Isaac, who's trying to do away with all the the Fae. 

Dude. What?

The Morrigan's peeps kidnapped Trick and threw him in the trunk of a car. I guess that was meant to be ominous, but since Trick is so short, it was actually pretty comical. The Morrigan tried to take over The Ash seat from Hale and denounced him as a human-lover. Which to be fair, is a legit concern. Hale is way in love with Kenzi (Fae on human? kinky) and I hope the relationship grows into next season and we actually get to see them do sex.  

Sadly, if the season finale is any indication, it looks like our girl Tamsin is on her way out. Tamsin is one of the most interesting characters on the show, and Rachel Skarsten is one of the better actors, so I was hoping they would keep her around and nix Lauren, but nay. Tamsin has been secretly working for a shady individual, The Wanderer, whom most Lost Girl-ites guessed about five episodes ago was Bo's father.  Tamsin's instructions are to weaken Bo and deliver her to The Wanderer, which she is super conflicted about since she is into Bo. So, since Tamsin was trying some Uber Bad Ass Dark Fae BS on the Light Fae PrincessHero, she might as well just kiss her sweet lil ass goodbye. Also, she's a super old Valkyrie and has some kind of Valkyrie-itis and so she's dying. Thanks.

I think my part's mostly filler.

I'm sure there's no way supergenius Fae healer Lauren could find a way to set aside her uselessness and passive aggressive bitchiness and find a way to help Tamsin out of her Valkyrie-itis, but we'll see what the writers have up their sleeves for Season 4.

Anyway, back to the plot. We learned that Isaac is an evil not-even-genius in the episode previous to the finale. Dr. Girlfriend Lauren dumped Bo and then took off with Isaac, bowing to his pressuring her to take a job with his company. She thought she would be safe leaving the Fae world (or so she thinks), even though she was warned that if she leaves Light Fae protection, the Dark Fae will try to kill her. That doesn't make a whole lotta sense to me. Obviously, Lauren knows more about Fae physiology than anyone else in the Fae world, and you'd think that the Dark Fae would want to keep her around. But whatever, So, Lauren leaves, but she discovers that Isaac has been experimenting on the Fae. He won't let her leave and it's not like she can call Bo because Lauren left all of her crap, INCLUDING HER EFFING PHONE, at her apartment when she went off with Isaac. 

Isaac, of course, has an Evil Secret Semi-Underground Lab that looks very much like an observatory. I'd love to be the location scout for this show. Like I'm pretty sure every filming site is on the main Toronto subway lines. He's keeping all of the Fae -- including Bo's succumom Aife -- and giant refrigerators, which are standard-issue to evil-doers everywhere. He's got Lauren working on a technique to splice human DNA with Fae DNA to create a Fae/human hybrid. 

This might sting a bit.

Isaac's girlhood dream was to be Fae. Apparently, the Fae attacked his brother and killed him and whiny bitch that he is, Isaac decided to spend the rest of his life plotting revenge upon the Fae. Cry me a river. Hence stalking Lauren. He's been kidnapping the Fae, keeping them in refrigerated isolation booths and then making him fight each other until he found the strongest among them. The strongest among them turns out to be Dyson (natch), and Isaac has some creepy ho-yay/Single White Werewolf thing for Dyson and wants Lauren to remove stem cells from Dyson and implant them into Isaac, which will of course kill Dyson to death. I'm not sure about the scientific accuracy here, but I'm pretty sure a stem cell transplant doesn't involve the unavoidable death of a the donor. Since, you know, most stem cells live in petri dishes or vats of culture medium. Anyway, I'm watching a show that claims fairies and water sprites are real, so if I'm concerned about the scientific validity of Lauren's Evil Secret Lab experiments, I guess maybe I should take up a hobby. 

You've escaped ho-yay on this show for far too long, Dyson. Far too long.

So, Bo figures out where Lauren is and she and Tamsin make their way to the Evil Secret Lab. They get caught by the guards and Tamsin gets her ass shot. Bo and Tamsin are put in a fridge and Bo works out A Plan. 

Bo supergirls her way out of her refrigerator and then frees all the other confined Fae. Aife jumps in front of a bullet to save Bo and that's all really noble and whatnot, but let's not forget that she is FUCKING DARK FAE and all she has to do to heal is suck out someone's chi. So, what does Bo do but SHE LEAVES HER ALONE WITH SOMEONE WHOSE CHI SHE CAN STEAL. Like, did it occur to ANYONE that that's NOT A GOOD IDEA?? Like. What the fuck?

Lauren goes ahead with the procedure, but not before she can tell Bo that she's all jealous of Dyson. Instead of using Dyson's stem cells, she splices Isaac's DNA with some other Fae DNA that makes him behave as though he has Bell's palsy. Dyson chases him into the woods, turns into a wolf and Isaac shits his britches. And that's the last we see of Isaac. So, that whole climax more than a little underwhelming, especially considering the hundreds of Fae that Isaac killed over the course of his little experiments.

Lauren could have done all manner of things to this tool. She could have mixed his human genes with any number of craycray Fae. Since she knew how to slow down The Dawning in Bo's case, you'd think she could use that knowledge to turn him Fae and turn on a gene to make his Dawning happen super fast. Then he would have been Under Fae and they could have kept him in a cage and fed him catnip and Whisker Lickins. See, that would have been an arc.

Lauren sort of disappears while the Scooby Gang rescues everyone, so her position in the Fae community and her standing with Bo are left up in the air. Tamsin disappears during this episode, too, so I'm unsure what happened to her as a result of all this world savin'. 

But let's not forget that Isaac was not the main villain of this season. Nope, that's The Wanderer, who wants Bo in his clutches, since Daddy misses his Little Girl. After the dust settles, Bo heads back to Trick's bar and "The Wanderer" plays on the jukebox. The Tarot card makes its appearance again, and Bo picks it up. She wonders aloud who he is and what he wants, and then she gets turned into a cloud of black smoke and disappears, leaving behind The Tarot card in her place. Cliffhanger!! What will happen to Bo? Will Mary be on her right? Will Bo accept her new stepmom, Runaround Sue? 

Lost Girl has been green-lighted for another season by the Canadian company that produces it. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE bring Tamsin back for another season! 

Episodes from this season of Lost Girl are available On Demand. Previous seasons are on Netflix.