What Kind of Woman Changes Her Clothes in Front of a Teenage Boy?

Season finale of Bates Motel, everyone. Ready to find out how all these unsavory plotlines come together?

We begin with Mother rushing into the police station demanding to speak with the Sheriff in “a matter of life and death”. Despite the incompetent or possibly just fed up front desk worker, Mother gets to see the sheriff where she tells him about Abernathy’s demand that she supply $150,000 or he kills her sons. The Sheriff promises to take care of it in a bored voice. When Mother balks he promises no harm will come to her family. Seems like the good lawman knows more than he’s letting on. Sure enough, he later goes home and ruffles through his garage until he finds a duffle bag full of cash.

Sad Lonely Person Emma is staring wistfully at the “Winter Formal” dance banner in the school hallway. “You look pathetic,” Norman tells her in what I think he imagines is friendly but really just illustrates how much this young man will never get along well with women. Emma angsts her feelings about how she can’t go because no one asked her. After several minutes of hints and even more clueless teenage communication, Norman finally asks her. “Okay, jerkoff,” Emma agrees.

"You...Make...Me...Feel like I'm living a... Teen...Age..Dream..."

At home, Mother tells Dylan that she needs a gun to defend herself and wants Dylan to get one for her. She even makes him pancakes to convince him. “You and a gun is a bad idea,” Dylan sagely tells her.

Undaunted by threats to life and limb, Mother takes her clothes to the dry cleaner. When a fellow townsperson seems afraid of her, she helps herself out by yelling “screw you, shithead” at him. She’s a charmer. Later, she decides to go back to the shrink that she took Norman to a few episodes ago, despite having been delinquent in her appointments. She wants some advice on handling all the stress of finding the corpse of her murdered Mann Act-violating lover in her bed and feeling all the feelings about her son while at the same time dealing with death threats from a psychopath, or as she calls it, “normal life stuff.” The shrink asks her about her childhood. She tells a bucolic story about a kind father who always smiled and a mother who always smelled like cookies and dear God no one actually believes her, right? She suddenly feels ill before any more backstory can come out and leaves abruptly.

In school, Norman overhears his guidance counselor having an emotional phone call her with presumably ex-boyfriend/stalker. She begs him not to tell anyone about what he overheard. “this means we have a secret now. You’ll keep it for me, won’t you?” she asks and then hugs him close. Worst. Guidance Counselor. Ever.

The Sheriff meets a woman who turns out to be Keith Summers’ sister. She is sporting an awesome black eye, which prompts the Sheriff to ask whether or not Abernathy gave that to her. She says he came looking for Shelby’s money and beat her when he realized she didn’t have it.  The women tells the Sheriff that Abernathy is running the same sex trafficking arrangements in multiple towns up and down the coast. She asks the Sheriff what’s going to happen to her. “Nothing if you keep your mouth shut,” he tells her.

At the Motel, Emma tells Mother that Norman is taking her to the dance and asks for her opinion on a dress she bought. As mother models the dress for her, Emma asks about the scar on her thigh. Mother tries to brush it off as an old wound from childhood resulting from spilled hot chocolate and then makes a quick exit. Leaving, she runs into Dylan who has reneged and bought Mother a gun. He takes her to practice shooting. While practicing, Mother asks what kind of job Dylan has that he carries a gun. Dylan admits to guarding weed, which sends Mother into Calamity Jane mode and she just starts shooting at the glass bottles they’ve set up for practice. She starts nailing targets before confessing how scared she is to Dylan. For his part, Dylan calls her “Mom” for the first time in an attempt to reassure her.

She's actually aiming at Anton Chekov, perched just off-screen. 

Back at the Motel, Maggie Summers, sister to Keith, comes to see Mother and warn her about Abernathy. “He will kill you,” she tells Mother. Comforting. Meanwhile, Bradley comes to the house to see Dylan. Norman answers the door. Awkward. Turns out she’s just here to gather the stuff from her father’s office. Norman is understandably moody about Bradley’s interest in talking to Dylan. Later, Norman throws a temper tantrum at not being able to find black socks to go to the dance. Dylan’s all, chill, dude – you can borrow mine. Dylan tries to explain that he’s not interested in Bradley, but Norman displays all the maturity of a teenage boy about it, telling Dylan he may as well just ask her out.

Downstairs, Mother and Norman wait for Emma. Mother’s nervous about being alone in the house for the time while Norman is gone, given Abernathy said he’s coming back for her. The nervousness makes Mother decide to finally tell someone the truth about her background – she is from Ohio, not Florida like she’s always said. But that’s not even the biggest thing she’s held back – growing up her brother used to force her to have sex with him, something that went on for years. You’d think a son would want to process some of this information, but just then Emma arrives for the dance. Norman is, understandably, distant, but they head off the to dance anyway. As they leave, Abernathy calls Mother to again be a dick and remind her that he wants his money.

The dance is RIDICULOUSLY over-decorated. Hollywood always thinks that high schools have way more money than they do in their teenage party budget. Norma and Emma dance, pretty well for teenagers. Like, there’s no A-frame dancing at all. Bradley is at the dance too and Emma has a hard time dealing with Norman clearly being still a little hung up on her. Emma storms off just as Bradley’s boyfriend, Whatshisname, pulls Norman outside the dance to be the mean bully cliché, punching Norman in the stomach and telling him to Stay Away From My Girl, McFly.

Tonight, the part of Weaselly Cliche Plot Generator will be played by this man. 

Sad, dejecting Norman walks home in the rain when he is picked up by his guidance counselor. She brings him to her house (heeyyy!) ostensibly to take care of his beaten up face.

Meanwhile, Mother has packed a bag, including her new gun, as headed out to meet Abernathy at the docks. As she tries her best to slink around in the dark, she sees the Sheriff approach Abernathy’s car with his bag of cash. Abernathy doesn’t recognize him and wants to know what happened to the “cute but naughty lady who runs the hotel?” The Sheriff says that Abernathy is running a business in his town and if he wants to keep going, Abernathy will have to deal the Sheriff in 50/50. The Sheriff passes the bag of money to Abernathy and takes advantage of the misdirection to shoot Abernathy in the face and dump his body into the water. He then tells Mother, who is hiding in the shadows, to go home and just trust him, goddammit.

At the counselor’s house, she’s put on her best little red number to clean Norman’s wounds in front of a romantic fire. “You probably shouldn’t tell anyone you came here,” she tells him, displaying an amazing lack of professionalism to say the least. She then saunters into the bedroom to “slip into something more comfortable”, changing where Norman can see her. Norman’s getting an eyeful when suddenly he hallucinates Mother sitting next to him, asking him WTF does she think she’s doing seducing a teenager like that. “You know what you have to do, Norman,” HeadMother says darkly.

Norman runs out of the house through the rain, almost getting run over by the real Mother returning from the docks. Mother holds Norman, telling him everything’s finally going to be all right for them. Then the series ends with puppies and rainbows and sunshine.  Of course it doesn’t. It ends with a shot of the guidance counselor, still in her negligee dead on the floor of her bedroom, throat cut open and wearing a necklace with a “B” attached to it.

Like this, but with more neck trauma. Which is saying something. 

Everyone Gets Flirty on Mondays

So apparently my last Bates Motel recap didn't post properly, despite my attempts to get it to schedule. It's up now, and you may want to read it before reading this one below. Or not, depending on your tolerance for confusion. 

The Creepy County, OR, Coroner’s Office is carting Shelby’s body out of the house while the local teenage hippie constabulary watches from the motel. Inside, Mother tells the police that she’s convinced that Abernathy, the Dapper Man, is the one who put the body in her bed. “Why do crazy people keep gravitating towards me?” she hilariously asks while cradling herself to Norman. The next morning, Dylan and Norman cart the dirty mattress out for burning. Dylan believes that Mother will “make a meal out of this for a year” while the dirty hippies that Dylan brought with him are smoking down on the porch of the motel. Mother tries to put an end to it, but what can you do with dirty hippies? When Dylan inadvertently admits that his job is helping to process the very dope the kids are smoking, Mother comes to the end of her rope and announces that they are moving.

There goes the neighborhood.

The next morning, Emma has arrived at the motel early to help Mother organize the office. Mother tells her to trash everything not related to the original deeds to the motel.  At the same time, flowers arrive for Mother with a note saying “see you soon…” Creepy Abernathy is hitting his stride, obviously. Mother tries to call the sheriff to tell him about the warning, but the cops are less than eager to help.

In town, Bradley approaches Dylan to ask him if he would get her inside her dad’s old office at Gil’s place. Dylan agrees and there is a ton of flirty eyes going on between them. Dylan, buddy, don’t do it, man. Mother, meanwhile, visits the real estate agent who sold her the motel to get him to re-list the motel and yell at him for not telling her about the highway bypass when he sold it to her.

Mother is cleaning the hotel rooms when Abernathy drives by slowly, not wanting to waste a single creepy stereotype. Late, desperate for a reprieve, Mother is googling “safest cities in America” when Norman arrives home with his stuffed dog. Mother’s a little creeped out by Norman’s new hobby, but she tries to be supportive. Norman tells Mother how good he’s doing in school and that he really doesn’t want to leave. Later that night, Norman is looking up dream interpretation about drowning someone when Dylan oversees him. Norman confesses that he has been dreaming about drowning Bradley in a bathtub, but not to worry – he doesn’t want to hurt anyone in real life, “except for you once in a while.” LOLs! But no. He’s nuts, Dylan. Get out.

At the Motel, Emma spies one of the teenage hippies with his dope. Mother has told her not to let any of that kind of thing happen, so she meekly goes to put an end to it. The teenage hippie reluctantly agrees after she plays to his good nature and there are more flirty eyes happening. Stay with this one, Emma. 

It’s bad when the drugged out kid in the dirty motel is a better option than your current love interest.

In school, Norman’s guidance counselor praises him for a short story he wrote and offers to help him sell it to a local literary publication. She asks him to stop by later so she can “help” him with it. The story is about a man who’s on fire on the inside and the counselor is intrigued, calling Norman an “old soul.” And yes, she’s making the flirty eyes too. Because why not, really?

That night the hippies hang out playing late 90s Goo Goo Dolls songs on their guitar (seriously) when the sheriff arrives looking after Mother’s call earlier in the day. The sheriff says he’ll look into the florist, but tells Mother that Jake Abernathy doesn’t have any records on file and doesn’t seem to exist. There’s not much he can do, but he’ll have the house patrolled to keep her safe.

Dylan meets up with Bradley and offers to pack up her father’s office and bring the stuff to her given Gil’s antipathy towards her father. Bradley tells Dylan that she really wants to see her dad’s office one last time, because memories. Dylan is moved by her and agrees to smuggle her into the office in person.

Emma arrives at the motel for work to find a pot brownie left for her by Gunner, the teenage stoner with an apology note. Later in her shift, she decides to give the brownie a taste and, naturally, devours the entire thing.

Mother, meanwhile, is showing Norman a picture of a charming little cottage on the beach that she’s found in Oahu, which, btw, is listed as one of the safest places in the country. Norman tells her that he’s not moving and she can’t make him. In the ensuing fight, Norman tells her that she’s crazy and it’s about to get worse when Emma enters the room, strung out and telling everyone she thinks the motel office might be bugged because she feels like she’s being watched and OMG you guys, do you know how the stairs feel? Yup, she’s high.

Later, Dylan sneaks Bradley into the office through the roof when Remo starts shooting at them, thinking they’re burglars. He isn’t pleased, but lets them have ten minutes. Getting into the office, Bradley gets emotional over her father’s death and starts searching through the desk, ostensibly for an old pocket watch of her father’s. In the process, she finds love letters written to her father not by her mother. “Why would he do this?” she asks. “People are complicated,” Dylan tells her and hugs her.

"How can I possibly make all my relationships more complicated? Hrm..."

Later, Mother comes to Norman’s room and asks to sleep in his room after being weireded out by what happened in her room. Norman tells her he’ll take the floor, but she insists they can both fit in the bed. Anyway, they reminisce about sleepovers they used to have when Norman was a kid and would watch movies in her bed before snuggling up and going to sleep.

Yup, this happened. Sometimes I just don't have the words, you guys.

The next day, Norman tells his guidance counselor that he doesn’t want to submit the story for publication, saying Mother wouldn’t like it. The counselor says he doesn’t really need to tell Mother, telling Norman that she can tell there’s trouble in his home life and that maybe he needs something of his own.

Mother comes to her real estate agent asking about the open house she’s asked him to schedule for the motel. He tells her that there’s not going to be a market for the motel and that she’s underwater and should probably just walk away from it. Mother looses her temper, attacking him with her purse and threatening to sue him before storming off. And who should be waiting for her in the backseat of her car but Abernathy who holds a gun to her neck and tells her that Shelby owed him over $150,000 from his last sex trade sale and that Mother is going to make good on the money by tomorrow night or he’ll kill her and her family.

Season Finale next week, kids!

Dead Things

We open on Chez Creepy, a.k.a. Emma’s father’s taxidermy workshop. Emma’s dad (who weirdly has an English accent) is teaching Norman the finer points of stuffing and mounting your dear, dead dog. Norman’s clearly enraptured by the whole process and Emma’s father encourages him to come back and he’ll teach him some more. 

Makes you wonder how the "BYOSubject" policies work at this place. 

In school, Emma’s having a breathing attack in the girl’s bathroom when she overhears two mean girls talking trash about how creepy Norman is and how Bradley is so kind to humor Norman and no way would she ever do the sex with him. Sidebar, whenever high school girls go to the bathroom to put on their makeup and gossip, is it required that a nerdy girl be hiding in a stall to overhear everything? Just curious. Anyway, rather than stay hidden Emma bursts out and tells the Super Models how wrong they are. Legitimately, go Emma for not being a stereotype. Back at the motel, Norma’s just now starting to think the man taking up the rooms is a little creepy. She tries to call the sheriff, but he’s unavailable.

In the pot field in the woods, Dylan and Remo are given orders by Gil to “pick up the trimmers” from California. Dylan has no idea what a trimmer is and no one seems eager to explain it to him. In school, Bradley heard from Cody who heard from Ashley who heard from Chloe that Norman told Emma that she should tell the school newspaper that they, you know, did it. Norman wants to know what’s so wrong with being honest, but Bradley tells him to forget it happened. Norman’s upset and tries to leave school but he’s stopped by his guidance counselor. He pushes her when she tries to bring him back in and storms off.

"Bad touching! Bad touching!"

In the motel, Mother comes to clean room number 9. While she makes the bed, the Dapper Man asks about the news about Shelby being shot on the steps and the news that Shelby and Keith used the hotel for the sex trade. Shocking, isn’t it? Dapper Man continues to be creepy, asking after Norman and vaguely menacing Mother before she gets out of the room.  

Mother decides to go to the Sheriff, makeup done and dress low-cut, to ask the Sheriff to put her name into consideration for the city planning commission to help fight the new highway bypass proposal. Mother tries to leverage their shared history to bribe him when holy woah, he gets even creepier than the Dapper Man, calmly threatening to burn Mother to the ground if she tries to do this to him again. On the way out, she gets more bad news – Norman’s principal wants Mother to come in for a chat about him.

Norman meanwhile has found Emma to ask why she let the cat out of the bag, both with his mother and with the Super Models. “What are you trying to do?” Norman asks her. “Bradley was really upset.” Oy, Norman.

In the school, Mother hears from the guidance counselor and he principal that Norman will be suspended for three days for skipping school in the middle of the day. Wow. Harsh. When I was in high school we could walk right out. But, then, I went to a school with low public funding, so there’s that. The school staff are concerned about Norman’s “emotional instability” and his social miscues. They’d like him to speak with one of the school psychologists, but Mother will only agree if she can choose the therapist and it is done in private and then she bails on that particular meeting.

Heading down to California, Dylan has learned that the “trimmer” is the person who cuts the weed and prepares it. Remo is being bitter with his 23 years of experience and now he’s working for a 21 year old. Dylan points out maybe it has something to do with his liquor issues, a point hammered home by the fact that they needed to stop in a bar before continuing to fetch the trimmer. The predictable bar fight ensues and they both bloody the other one pretty badly. Like true men, though, this puts a lot behind them and they continue to bond as Remo confesses that he’s never advanced in this business because he’s not “consistently reliable” despite working for the “big boss”, who is not Gil but someone who Dylan will come to know when he needs to. Ominous.

Just two guys wrasslin'. Nothing to see here, barkeep. 

That night, Norman apologizes for leaving school, but he doesn’t want to talk about what made him upset. Mother tells him that he has to try to fit in and not be so emotional all the time. Norman insists that he’s totally normal and btw, can Mother drive him to Emma’s father’s shop so that he can take apart animals and put them back together again? At the taxidermy shop, Mother tells Emma’s father privately that she’s not sure this is an awesome idea, given Norman’s background. The father insists that Norman is skilled and the animals are already dead – what could go so wrong with letting him follow his passion? Oh, the Irony Monster strikes again!

Later that night, Emma’s father and Norman bond over rebuilding the dead dog. I’m not clear on the subtext, but I also think the show may have suggested that the reason Emma’s parents are separated is because the father is gay. Not sure if that’s something the show is going to deal with or not. Either way, while the conversation continues, Mother drives back to the motel and sees the Dapper Man driving off for the evening. She decides to follow him.

The man drives to the docks and Mother follows him once again COMPLETELY NOT STEALTHILY onto a houseboat. He pokes around the bridge a bit before exiting. Mother tries to slink away but gets instantly caught by him. “I think you know what I’m looking for,” he tells her and demands to know “where did you hide it?” Mother is completely confused, but he insists that he’s not going to walk away from this, like Keith Summers did. “He was the bottom rung. I am the top.” He tells Mother.

"It's a carpentry metaphor, actually. I know. Wacky, right?"

The next day, Mother has followed up on her promise and brought Norman to a shrink, who wants to talk about Norman’s father dying. Norman repeatedly tries to answer his questions, only to be interrupted by Mother. The therapist tells Mother privately that he should probably see the two of them separately and asks them both to come back, but on their own. He identifies that Mother needs to control Norman and asks her if she ever feels out of control in her life. Mother bristles and begins to explode about how in control she is over everything. I actually want to read this therapists’ notes from this session. They must be awesome.

Meanwhile, Dylan finally arrives for the trimmer, turns out to be part of troupe of dirty teenage hippies with their hackey sacks and guitar circles. Remo wants them to stop with the folk music and they give him crap for it, clearly believing they have the power here. Dylan stops the car and forces each of them out at gunpoint, showing the kind of initiative that Remo obviously never did. He doesn’t hurt the trimmer, but he does leave him by the side of the road.

Coming back to the motel, Mother comes to room number 9 and gives the Dapper Man his money back and tells him to leave. She tells him that she’ll call the cops and tell them all about his plans for “privacy” parties every other month. The Dapper Man says he knows that won’t work because Mother was sleeping with Shelby and she obviously knows what was going on in the motel. Mother begins to wilt at this, whimpering that he doesn’t have any power over her, a recurring theme of this episode. For whatever reason, the Dapper Man moves his bags into his car and drives off.

Norman meanwhile has finished mounting his dog when Emma finds him. She confesses she heard what the Super Models were saying about Norman and it made her angry because she thinks Norman is “special”. Emma says she can be okay with Norman not falling for her like she’s fallen for him, but she just feels safe with him and besides, she doesn’t have many friends. Emma is seriously at risk of becoming the woobie for this entire show.

Back home, Dylan arrives back at the motel with Remo and the rest of the hippies. He wants to put up the kids in the rooms for the next two weeks. Mother is honestly touched and agrees to take care of the hippies. Then she asks him if he wants to grab dinner with her and Dylan shakily agrees. It’s obviously a new dynamic for them. Things are going so well! She’s kicked out the creepy guy, the motel is filling up, her sons maybe sorta don’t hate her anymore. Life is good.

Except that it’s totally not for long. Mother goes up to her bedroom to change and finds that someone has placed the mutilated, decaying body of Shelby in her bed. Gross. And, obviously, creepy.

"My rugged good looks are starting to suffer a bit."

She's Just Not That Into You

Picking up right where we left off last episode, Psychotown’s Finest are on the case, arriving several minutes after the nick of time to stop the psychotic child sex trafficker on the force who just tried to kill the Bates family. Good on ya, PD. As the Sheriff rolls into the parking lot, he sees Shelby’s body and Dylan holding the gun. “We’d better talk,” he says. We cut to sometime later with Mother having just finished telling the entire story to the Sheriff. “Now you know it all,” she says. The Sheriff is apparently not as pure as he seems, because he instantly agrees to go along with a fake story whereby they all pretend that the Sheriff has long suspected Shelby was dirty and Shelby killed Keith and the Sheriff is the hero in everything. Dylan ain’t pleased, which is understandable since he’s the one who actually stopped the raving madman, but Mother and Norman are just thrilled to be not under indictment.

Some indeterminate time later, Norman and Bradley make tender passionate love like the experienced sexers they are has a wet dream about making tender passionate love just as mother enters the room to wake him up in the morning. The motel is opening in seven days and Mother wants them to be ready now that all the Shelby mess is behind them. Sidebar, Norman plays out this entire scene with his blankets specifically draped over his lap. Well done, actor!

"Would you be comfortable if I called you 'mother' while we do this?"

Norman repairs a trellis at Mother’s request when he discovers a wee, angry dog underneath the porch. He tries to coax it out with a donut, but the dog makes a break for it and runs.

In the house, Mother cooks Dylan a lovely breakfast, arousing Dylan’s suspicions. Mother seems like she’s honestly trying to just thank him for, you know, getting shot saving them and all and seems genuinely hurt when Dylan says he’s still planning on moving out. Mother throws a temper tantrum over a trash bag, which Dylan all but wrestles away from her to help her out. Taking the trash to the dumpster, a swanky car pulls up to the motel. A dapper man asks what has happened to the motel and where he can find Keith Summers before speeding off when he learns that Summers is dead.

In school, Norman walks RIGHT PAST EMMA to go to Bradley, who is back at school and surrounded by her Super Model handlers who have literally done her homework for her while she was gone. When Norman asks if he can see her later, Bradley just kinda shrugs. Norman, you just got PWNED!

Mother puts on her nicest business suit and heads to a restaurant to ask them to help promote the Bates Motel. The manager instantly shuts Mother down, saying she doesn’t like to associate with certain businesses. Mother is confused until the manager explains that everyone in town knows about Shelby being shot there and the missing/dead Chinese girl. Small town life, everyone knows everyone else’s shit, nothing to be done about it.

"So, you're telling me the three dead people on my property in less than a month might be a deterrent to success?"

That night at the motel, Mother notices the dapper man from earlier trying to get into room 9 with an old key. He tells her that he has had a standing weeklong reservation for this room every other month. Mother offers to give him the room, eager for a customer.  Dylan notices him from earlier in the morning and is worried. When Dylan asks him for his license, the man tells him they should already have it on file. Dylan feigns ignorance, new system, etc. Dylan “casually” questions the man, who says he comes to town on “sales” and pays in cash rather than giving a credit card. Meanwhile Mother, smarting from what the local business folk have said, is trying to scrub the blood out of their steps at the spot where Shelby died. Actually, kinda starting to see the townspeople’s hesitation about this place, now that I think on it. And yes, this is a scene about Mother trying to “get blood from out of a stone.” Jesus, writers – we get it.

The next day, Bradley approaches Norman and Dylan buying supplies. Bradley mentions that her mom is out of town so she’s alone, but also says that she’s heard that Dylan is working for Gil now, who used to work with her dad. Man, Bradley. You do not do “casual” well at all.  Dylan puts two and two together, however, and figures Bradley’s up to something and it’s not just booty calls with Norman that she’s embarrassed to tell her friends about.

Emma is not going to take Norman’s snubbing lying down. She shows up at the house and Mother invites her in. When Mother goes to fetch Norman, Norman asks her to say that he’s sick and can’t come down. Emma, the resident wounded puppy dog, blames the tears in her eyes on allergies, arousing Mother’s sympathies. Mother asks Emma to come with her to help her on an errand for the motel. In the car, Mother tells her that Norman is “going through something” right now but not to worry he’ll get over it. “Between us,” Emma tells her, “I go to school with ‘it’ and I don’t think he’s getting over her.” Oh shit. See that bag, the one that used to have a cat in it? Emma may be non-threatening to Mother, but the same can’t be said about someone Emma describes as “the prettiest girl in the school.” Emma offers to point her out at her yoga class downtown, which is conveniently right by where they need to go on their errand. Mother is SO NOT STEALTHY in checking out Bradley at her class. Mother begins to imagine fantasies of Norman and Bradley having all kind of porn-y, S&M sex with nipple licking and lights swinging around right under her roof. (I’m not exaggerating, this seriously is something the show filmed.) Mother is, in short, taking this a lot harder than Emma.

"Let's be friends, so that you can better help me to manipulate my son and your affections."

Back at the motel, Norman is hanging up the welcome sign (literally) and trying to woo the dog from earlier with cookies that he’s set out, despite Mother telling him not to attract strays. Norman tries to get Mother to let him keep the dog, saying it’s what normal families do. Mother reluctantly agrees as long as Norman takes care of it. That’s when Mother decides to give Norman “The Talk” out of the blue. When the polite route doesn’t work, Mother lays it out: “you don’t know that girl well enough to be screwing her,” she tells him. Mother almost erotically tells Norman about what happens in woman’s body during and after sex and he shouldn’t be dabbling around in that. Also, Mother says she’s hired Emma to help out, so have fun with that obstacle that I’ve just given you. This leads to a fight when Norman insists that Bradley is his girlfriend, even though they’ve only talked twice since having sex and Bradley is a special flower who’s just dealing with her dad being dead which is why she’s not answering any of his texts and then he storms out. (As a total sidebar, I haven’t really said enough about how great Vera Farmiga is at playing Mother – she really nails the manipulative smoothness that Mother has in this scene and it’s frankly a lot of fun to watch her.)

Norman goes to Bradley’s house to talk to her and you just know this isn’t going to go well. Norman gives a long passionate speech about how he knows how much they mean to each other and how great their soft-focus early 80s-music video style sex scene was and he knows she feels the same and she should break up with Richard (remember him?) and God, it’s like watching the cliff approaching while the car is stuck at 90mph. When Bradley tells him, honestly in a very adult, mature way, that she’s flattered but she really doesn’t feel the same way, Norman runs off, causing her to run after him. She finds him a block away, walking with a creepy blank look on his face reciting Mother’s earlier words about Bradley’s low behavior verbatim. “I don’t think you’re a nice girl,” he tells her menacingly.

Might want to avoid taking any showers around this kid, I think...

Back at the motel, the dapper man comes upon Mother working late in the office. He tells her that he likes her changes to the motel and offers to put out the word about her place with “all the business contacts” that he has in the area. He asks for the same business arrangement that he had with Keith, where he books every room for the first week of every other month. “Is that for all the other people you work with?” Mother naively asks. Yes, Mother. That’s totally it. Sheesh. For a murderer, you really don’t have any instincts, do you?

Norman arrives back at the motel to see the dog waiting for him across the street. He calls for the dog to come to him and when the dog does the show totally drops a bridge on the poor mangy thing in the form of a suddenly speeding car. And yes, the camera shows us everything. If you have any kind of sensitivity to animals dying, this is NOT the scene for you to watch. Norman breaks down as Mother arrives, telling her that he was wrong about Bradley. He decides to bring the dog’s body to Emma’s father because he can "fix dead things." That he's saying this to Mother is doubly creepy, since we all know what eventually is going to happen to her. 

The Truth (And Three of Our Plotlines) Will Out

Okay guys, shit goes DOWN in this episode and for real, it might be my favorite one of the series so far. Not only do things actually happen that move the plot massively forward, but there's some truly awesome humor, character revelations and fast-paced action happening. If the show can keep up a pace like this, the second half of the season is going to be amazing.

Mother’s having an understandably bad evening processing the news that the police officer she’s sleeping with to keep her safe from a murder conviction is actually the pivotal figure in an international sex smuggling operation. “I can’t imagine what a shock it is,” Emma, the Living Irony Machine says, “finding out a guy you’re that into is a monster.” #ISeeWhatYouDidThere. Mother tries to make a break from the hotel and drive to Shelby’s, but Norman runs after her, literally jumping into the car through the window as Mother yells, “Son of a Bitch!” at him. Less than two minutes into this episode and the irony meter is already about to explode. Norman manages to get Mother to stop the car despite the repeated donuts it spins as they wrestle for wheel. Norman comforts a sobbing Mother, telling him that they’ll find a way to get Shelby. This might honestly be my favorite scene in the entire series so far and Emma sums up the entire thing nicely with a sardonic, “well, shit.”

Elsewhere, Dylan emotionally tells his employers at the pot farm about Ethan getting shot and then running down the shooter. The Boss, Gil, is actually impressed with him for taking initiative and instructs Dylan how to effectively torch Ethan’s truck so there’s no evidence left of the murder. As he does, Dylan meets his new partner, Remo. Remo is less impressed with Dylan, partially because Remo is in his 40s and Dylan is all of 21 but mostly because it turns out that Gil has told Remo he is working for Dylan, not the other way around.

Can't wait for the annual employee review.

Back at the motel, the Chinese girl is asleep in one of the rooms. Norma inspects her bruised and bloodied arms before tucking her in and then heading back to the house where Emma again insists that they go to the police or at least the FBI. Mother and Norman are not keen on bringing more of Johnny Law back into their crime scene. Mother convinces Emma that they’ll convince the girl to go to the police on her own. Sidebar, I ask again, why leave the Chinese girl in the motel where she was previously held captive when there are at least 20 good bedrooms in that rambling mansion the Bateses live in? Oy. Waking her back to her car, Emma confesses that her mother left their family, not wanting to care for a kid with cystic fibrosis. This spurs some actual affection between them all and Mother hugs Emma sweetly before sending her off.

That night, Mother plots to go back to Shelby’s house. Norman wants to go too. Mother apologies for not believing Norman when he first told her about the Chinese girl. Norman wants to know if there’s something wrong with him, remembering how she said he sometimes sees things that aren’t there. Dylan finds them and they bring him up to speed. Dylan and Norman agree to go to Shelby’s boat. On the way there, Dylan tells Norman that he’s bought a place on the water and he wants Norman to live with him, away from Mother. Norman is noncommittal. They board the boat, looking for the missing belt. While they search, Dylan asks Norman how his father died. Norman says a shelf in the garage fell on him in a totally non-suspicious way, why? Dylan says that Mother hated Norman’s father and she was miserable and Norman needs to stop making excuses for a bastard father and an insane mother. Just then, Dylan finds the missing belt hidden in the ceiling. Dylan throws the belt overboard, promising that it won’t wash up or float. “Now she’s safe,” he says as he throws the belt into the harbor.

But is she though? Back at the house, guess who’s coming for dinner sex? Shelby arrives feeling randy and tries to get Mother to head down into the motel with him. 

"I have a incestuous thing going with my son, so what does it tell you that you're creeping me out sexually right now?"

Three minutes later, Mother has the best bored sex face ever as Shelby clearly thinks more of his ability than she does. When he notices she’s not as enthused and asks what’s wrong she tells him she’s just worried about Norman. Just then, Shelby hears what sounds like water running in an adjacent room. He tucks it in and heads out to investigate. If it weren’t for the gun, this would make for an awesome French farce. He correctly identifies the room the Chinese girl is in, but she’s showering and can’t hear him. Mother tries to cover, saying it’s a painter from Sacramento (that old chestnut), but just then the Chinese girl opens the door and ruins the whole thing. She panics and runs. Shelby chases after her, pushing Mother to the ground and calling her a bitch when she tries to stop him from shooting the girl. As Shelby runs off, the boys arrive back home. Dylan says Norman is coming to live with him, causing Mother to instantly all but totally forget about the Chinese girl being chased by the psychopathic cop and demand to know why Norman would do this to her? Norman says it’s because she killed his father, but Mother sighs and sadly tells him that’s not true. The family drama could continue, but Shelby reemerges from the woods and boy is he not happy.

He takes them back to the house for a family meeting before deciding that this is all Norman’s fault, putting his gun into Norman’s temple. When Mother tries to say that they’ll all stay quiet he strikes her hard and remember how Norman sometimes goes into a blackout rage? Well, here it comes again. Norman charges Shelby with an assist from Dylan. Lots of punching, kicking and Shelby and Dylan are at opposite ends of the house shooting at each other around corners. The fight leads upstairs with a wounded Shelby chasing after Dylan while Norman is unconscious in the kitchen and Mother dragging him out of the house.  Mother calls 911 and gets a dazed Norman to their car. Typical horror movie cliché, the car keys aren’t in her purse, but upstairs with Shelby. Just then she hears two gun shots coming from the house. A few tense moments later, we see a man emerge from the house… it’s Shelby looking FUCKED. UP.  He points his gun at Norman and Mother before collapsing on the ground.

Your mileage may vary on this image.

Dylan comes running from the house and Mother runs to him, hugging him for what I think is the first time. “You’re safe,” he tells her. Norman meanwhile is still sitting blankly in the car. Dylan says they need to tell the truth about what happens when the cops arrive, but Mother says he doesn’t know the whole story. She, of course, doesn’t tell him about killing a man who raped her on her kitchen floor, which would explain some things, but she does tell him about how Norman’s father died – they had been fighting, him calling her a whore and that saying she’s cheap. Norman had been listening from the kitchen when his father started to beat Mother, causing Norman to calmly walk to his father and hit him over the back of the head, killing him. Norman seemed blank, so Mother took him to his room and let him lie down. Then she dragged his father to the garage and staged his accidental death before showering to get rid of the blood on her while Norman woke up and found his father's body, bringing us right back to that first scene in the pilot episode.

Maybe the fact that we've both killed someone will bring us closer together as a family?

Mother tells Dylan that Norman is innocent and he doesn’t know what he did. “You can either get out of my way or you can help me,” she tells him as the police arrive. 

Nothing Happens For Real Until It Happens on Facebook

The morning after – Norman leaves a sleeping Bradley like he’s some kind of pimp boss and James Deans his way back down the highway to the motel. Dylan is all “Congrats on the sex! Mom’s totally in jail” when Norman comes in. They find her in the clink and offer to use the motel as collateral for her bail. Mother snarks them a bit, saying she doesn’t need any help and yells at them to get out. Puppy Dog Norman doesn’t understand why Mother is being mean and not looking at him. It’s because of the sex you didn’t have with her, genius.

If this were American Horror Story, we'd be knee deep in a haunted women's prison plot line by now. 

Emma finds Norman frantically going through boxes in the motel for the deed. She invites Norman to stay with them. Smooth, Emma. She takes him to a bail bondsman and while they wait, Norman tells Emma about finding the Chinese girl in the basement. Emma wants to go to the police, apparently sailing right past the part where a member of the police is a part of the problem. Norman says he wants to do something, but not until Mother is taken care of first. Which is going to be a lifelong theme for poor Norman.

The bail bond comes through and Norman goes to fetch Norma with a bouquet of flowers. Mother, however, breezes past him. “I have nothing to say to you,” she brushes him off, preferring to walk home than drive with him. Later, they meet with their naturally attractive female lawyer, who Mother is also not pleased with, likely imagining her as yet another succubus who’s going to swoop down on Norman at any minute. The lawyer lays out a case that would defend Mother, but Mother insists no story is needed since she didn’t kill Keith and jeez, why is everyone so enamored of physical “evidence” anyway?

On the ride home, Norman tries to talk sense into her, but Mother insists that Norman doesn’t care about her. “You went out and you got laid while I was crying alone in my room worried sick about all this,” she tells him. She blames Dylan for his advise that Norman go and make with the sexy time and she wants to know why Norman did this to her? Norman tells her that she scares him sometimes. Mother, clearly missing the message, yells at him to get out of her car and walk the ten miles back home. When he doesn’t, she physically drags him out and speed off without him. Thus giving us one of the first real scenes in this series where we start to see Mother’s psychological abuse and hold over Norman. It actually makes a lot of sense if you consider the movie.  Norman is eventually rescued when Dylan comes upon him on his motorcycle and drives him home.  As they speed down the road, Norman actually looks happy for the first time with a member of his family. It’s actually really touching.

If it's possible to have a bro-mance between brothers, this is getting close. 

Back home, Dylan accurately points out how Mother lives for drama and behaves the way she does to get Norman’s attention. He tells Norman that the only thing you can do sometimes with those people is walk away. He tells Norman the he’s getting his own place and he wants Norman to move in with him.

The next day, Dylan gets an infusion of cash from his coworker Ethan for the place he wants. Ethan says the bosses don’t give this out, but he’s loaning it to Dylan from his share because he knows Dylan is good for it. Just then, another man comes up to the two of them, pulls a gun and shoots Ethan in the throat. Have to say this, things never go over small in this town. Dylan rushes him to the hospital.

That night, Mother meets with Shelby in his cruiser down by the lake. Shelby apologizes for having brought Mother down to the jail and tells her that it’s not safe for them to be seen together for a while. Mother begins to storm off but Shelby stops her by telling her that he loves her and that he went through hell knowing that she was in trouble and he couldn’t even show his concern. This is apparently what Mother needed to hear because she softens and begs him not to do anything stupid. Back at the station, Shelby clandestinely breaks into the evidence room and steals the carpet fibers found on Keith’s body.

Dylan cruises the mean streets of Whereverthehellthisis, looking for Ethan’s shooter. He finds him down by the docks, natch, and chases him in Ethan’s truck, running him down. Like, with the truck. Damn.

Mother is putting the finishing touches on the motel’s website (which, fun fact, is a real website) when she gets the news from her lawyer that the carpet samples are lost and the police have no case. Meanwhile, Norman tries to call Bradley after texting her two, three hundred times, but gets no answer. I will kind of love this show if it turns out that Bradley totally just used Norman for some distraction sex. That would not only be a cool reversal of the stereotype, but it would explain adult Norman’s eventual distrust and disgust with sexualized women.

Regardless, Mother is all giddy, hugging Norman and telling him that everything’s taken care of and they’re going to be fine, thanks to Shelby. “What’s he going to make you do for this favor?” Norman asks. Looks like it’s his turn to be bitchy. He leaves the house and finds Emma arriving, who has a theory on where the Chinese girl has been hidden. “Just take me away from here,” Norman says.

Emma takes him down to the water and tells him her theory – after googling “Keith Summers murder evidence” to see if he had any other properties in his name, she’s guessing that Shelby may have hidden the girl on Keith Summers’ boat and hey Norman, are you listening to me? Norman tells her the harsh truth – he’s with Bradley now because they made passionate, tender love even though she hasn’t called him back. Emma uses unassailable teenage logic to defy Norman’s insistence that he’s off the market – “Did she change her relationship status?” She asks. “Then it’s just a hook-up.” Truer words, my friends…

La la la, denial denial denial... I'm not listening to you talk about the other girl you slept with, not on FB, after all...

The two teenage sleuths head to Keith’s fishing boat. They break in, finding the girl basically feral and hiding in a closet. They drive her back to the motel, which has got the be the LAST place this girl wants to be given that she was likely held hostage there for a while. Thankfully, she’s passed out for some reason, so she goes more or less quietly.

Mother is finishing up work in the office meanwhile and sees Emma’s car, prompting her to investigate what this girl hussy would be doing to her son. She finds Emma and Norman caring for the frightened Chinese girl in one of the rooms. Norman tells Mother that this is girl from Shelby’s basement. The Chinese girl is all “lady, you’re crazy for not trusting your son here because I was totally that cop’s sex slave.” (Not her exact words, given that the character speaks very little English, but that was certainly the subtext.) Mother still refuses to believe her, getting a picture of Shelby and asking the girl again. “He is the one,” she says, pointing to Shelby.  

Tonight, on Bates Motel – Sex All Around!

Brief flashback to the final events of last episode – Norman hallucinates, believes mother tells him that he needs to get the belt from Shelby’s home. Norman wanders off to find the good police officer’s torture porn dungeon. Although, we didn’t see before that Dylan observed Norman sleep breaking and entering and followed to the scene, seeing Shelby as he enters the house that Norman is in. Norman is alerted to Shelby’s arrival when he calls for his dog, locked in the upstairs bedroom. Before Shelby can figure out why the dog is there, Dylan rings his front door with a story about his bike being out of gas. Norman uses the opportunity to try to break the Chinese girl out of the porn basement, too bad she’s literally chained to the room. She cries and begs for Norman to save her. He promises he’ll be back.

                                                                                

Arriving home, Dylan confronts Norman about why he went to Shelby’s. Norman denies being in any trouble. The next morning, Norman goes to Emma’s dad’s antique shop. Her father tells Norman she’s come down with the flu, so they’re keeping her home with her condition. He also tells Norman what we all know – Emma has a crush on him. He asks Norman to please be decent with Emma. “I am decent,” Norman replies. Mother meanwhile meets Shelby in one of the motel rooms for a little “Just Keeping My Boy Safe” sex. During the afterglow, Mother gushes about how pretty Shelby is. As they leave the room, they are caught by Dylan who’s waiting outside the room. Shelby and Dylan both have some priceless looks on their faces as they see the other.

"We were just checking the pipes. All of them. Whatever. We're bad at metaphors, but good at sex."

Later, Norman is washing windows when he spots Super Model Whatshername laying a wreath at the spot on the road where her father crashed his car after being burned. She sobs into his shoulder. In the kitchen, Mother and Dylan spar about Shelby. Dylan doesn’t trust him and actually shows some concern about Mother’s wellbeing, even through his anger with her. The fact that Dylan is now the only person who knows that Mother is up to something, Shelby is likely dirty and Norman is seriously disturbed really goes a long way to suggesting Dylan’s life span may not be as long as he would like.

There’s a reason I’m not in the movie, isn’t there?

That night, Norman spots Shelby pulling over a driver on Main Street. Shelby follows him and surprises him, shining his flashlight in Norman’s face. He intimidates Norman a bit before telling Norman how much he likes Mother, so what say we get to know each other a little better? He “asks” if Norman wants to go fishing with him at his “own secret spot, no one knows about it.” Sounds above bar. Norman rushes home to tell Mother about his suspicions about Shelby and the prostitution ring. He confesses that he broke into the house to find the belt, like Mother told him to. Mother gently tells him that sometimes he sees and hears things that aren’t there, he’s done it since he was a little kid and she’s sure there’s no way that the creepy blond ken doll she’s sleeping with is a secret torture porn monger. Nevertheless, that night at his house, Mother sneaks away while Shelby sleeps to search the basement. She finds the spare room, but there’s nothing in it. And that’s when Shelby TOTALLY comes up behind her and wants to know what she’s doing. Mother gets out it by saying she’s just looking around the house.

Goddammit you’re creepy, Shelby.

Norman asks Mother where she was last night and she defers, calling Norman jealous. Norman reacts by saying she’s not his girlfriend, he’s not jealous, and he really doesn’t want to go fishing with the psychopath. To prove that he wasn’t hallucinating, he shows Mother some bruises that he has developed around his ankle where the Chinese girl was grabbing him, but Mother insists the fishing trip is still on. At the River Running Through Awkward Conversations, Shelby wants to know how Norman’s relationship with his dad was, abusive? Norman tries to shut the conversation down, but Shelby tells Norman to get used to him being around because he’s the only thing keeping Mother safe right now from the law and he needs to know that he can trust Norman. Norman swallows his tongue and agrees to trust him. Shelby cuts the trip short after getting a call to come to the docks – the Sheriff has found Keith Summers’ severed hand in the water.

Super Model Bradley and Norman meet for ice cream and Bruno Mars songs so she can talk about feeling bad since her father died. They bond again, what with all the missing father grief. Then Bradley, weirdly changing the subject, brings up the hand the cops just found. Aaaaaaaand, mood killed, Norman rushes home with the news. Sidebar, the music in this scene is AWESOMELY reminiscent of the actual movie. Just then, Shelby arrives in his official capacity to take Mother downtown to ask a few questions. He’s got backup, so this isn’t a kinky sex thing.

In the Sheriff’s office, the Sheriff tries to get the story from Mother. They found carpet fibers with the hand and they know it’s going to match the missing carpet they saw Mother and Norman pulled up from the motel. The Sheriff knows Keith wasn’t happy about losing the home and figures he threatened the Bateses. The Sheriff will find the carpet in one of the town’s dumps, so why not just tell me now? Mother insists she knows nothing.

"I like my last series where I got to know everything and be mysterious. None of this 'investigating' bullshit."

She and Norman make a mad dash to find the carpet in the dumpster they put it in. Too late, it’s been taken, but Mother calls the number for the company that owns the dumpster to find out which dump it’s been taken to. Mother begins to panic when they can’t get into the dump because the gates are locked, screaming that she killed Keith because her whole life she’s had to “put up with things” and it was the last straw for her. Back home, Norman finds Dylan on the Motel porch. They share a drink and Norman tells Dylan about Keith and the rape and murder and about the missing belt and Shelby’s basement porn studio. Dylan, again showing the only real compassion and level-headedness in the show, agrees to help. Just then, Bradley texts Norman. Dylan urges Norman to go to her, telling him to “be a 17-year-old for five minutes and go and have some fun.” It’s equal parts manipulative and honestly really kind.

Norman Romeo Bates arrives at Bradley’s ridiculously over-sized McMansion. No one else is home, so she lets him in and brings him up to her room. Norman is awkward, but Bradley tells him to sit down with her on the bed. She hold his hand, saying she’s “tired of being sad” and wants to feel something else for a while. We get a soft-focus, tender, making-love-under-the-sheets-style montage that's very circa early 90s. And while this whole subplot has been way too unearned (we have literally no idea what attracted Bradley to Norman and "I'm grieving for my dad and hey, yours died too!" doesn't work this much), I do really like that Bradley, while clearly a Queen Bee in the high school, isn't portrayed as a jerk. Well done, characterization. 

Back home, Mother notices Norman isn’t home yet, despite the late hour. When she asks Dylan where he is, Dylan tells her “out with a girl and I hope to God he’s getting laid.” Mother is SET OFF and the arguing begins. Dylan tells Mother he knows plenty about the relationship between her and Norman, enough to get Norman removed. “No one is taking Norman away from me,” Mother yells. “Well, that girl is right now,” Dylan counters. Then Mother starts with the hitting, showing the exact lack of restraint that she’s doing to need improving on if she ever has to make this same argument in front of a court of law. Dylan holds her off, pushing her against the wall and almost burying his face into her neck and I swear to God, I was convinced it was going to turn into a sex scene. Jesus, that would have made this show go utterly nuts if that had happened. Thankfully, the doorbell rings and Mother runs to it, hoping for Norman. Instead, she finds the Sherrif and Shelby, who are there to arrest her for Keith's murder. 

For realz.

Girls on Film

Daybreak at the Bates Motel – Mother is testy with Dylan, wanting him to help with the new carpet that’s being delivered. (heh.) Dylan is all, “Pshh – I gots a job” and leaves. In school, Emma is freaked out about being chased by the gun-toting pot smokers and feels guilty because all she originally intended was just to drag Norman up there and smooch. Now they’ve got angry rednecks, a field of marijuana and possibly a dead Chinese girl in a shed. First dates are rough, aren’t they? Norman just wants his torture porn book back and can’t stop himself from thinking about it, even fantasizing in class about tying up his guidance counselor like the drawings in the book. He thinks about it so hard he passes out. Dating isn’t going to go easy for Norman.

While you're checking him for head trauma, perhaps you could look into another problem he seems to have...

Dylan’s “job” turns out to be acting as an armed guard for the same $5 million pot field that Norman and Emma got chased away from. Fancy that. Norman has been brought to the hospital but Mother is called away to the motel as the new carpet is being delivered, just barely missing the arrival of Super Model Becky. Turns out her name is actually Bradley, but whatevs. She’s brought Norman some flowers and they bond over both losing their fathers, hers because he got burned and is in a coma and Norman for causes maybe or maybe not related to Mother. Bradley offers to stay with Norman, chastely crawling into bed with to watch TV. Yup, Mother’s gonna love this.

At the house, the carpet arrives and so does the sheriff with a warrant. Mother flees back to the hospital to collect Norman and check him out against the doctors’ protestations that they don’t know what’s going on with him. On the way out, Mother insists she didn’t see the cops remove anything from the house and anyway, they cleaned it too well to find evidence of Keith’s murder. Norman, however, seems nervous because of something Mother doesn’t know – he secretly kept Keith’s utility belt under his bed. When they arrive home, three guesses as to what’s gone missing.

At this point, sidebar, I’d just like to mention that my iPad lost all my notes from this episode and I had to start watching again from the beginning. So thanks for that, Apple.

The jig, she is up. Norman confesses to Mother about the belt. Most parents would be understandably disturbed by this, but such is Mother’s devotion that she sets out to put things right. Meanwhile, back at the pot ranch, Dylan learns that the entire land is property of Bradley’s father, who “pissed someone off and was set on fire as a message” according to his coworker. In retaliation, the crew sent another message right back in the form of the burning man hung up on the town flag pole. So much burning in this episode – did this town never hear of Valtrex?

Now that Emma knows the drawings are probably for real, she’s desperate to get back up that mountain. Emma, nascent Nancy Drew that she is, shows Norman that there’s only one thing in English in the sketch book – the number four. Norman found the book in room four. To the Bat Cave! They investigate the room and Emma speculates that Keith must have brought the girls from China and kept them prisoner in the motel to be “tried out” first. Not clear how she figured this out, but it’s not like Keith seemed like a good citizen, so I’ll allow it. Emma discovers that someone has etched a word in Chinese into the paint underneath the sink in the hotel room bathroom, which tracks with pictures in the sketch book of girls chained to pipes.

Mother, meanwhile, has found Deputy Shelby and is laying it on thick – she’s just trying to start a new business and provide for her boy, why is the sheriff harassing them? Flirty flirt, O BTdubs, did they find anything in the search of the house? Shelby agrees to talk with her. If she’ll have dinner with him. Shelby, you sly dog. He tells her everything will be okay in the same tone he insisted that the burned guy would be “dealt with.” Weird that the Bateses aren’t the scariest people living in this town.

"As an officer of the law, I am compelled to tell you that I am exactly as creepy as this smile would suggest."

That night, Norma arrives at Shelby’s house for sexy dinner time! Mother has “put her face on” and looks quite fetching. They have a drink, sit on the couch but like a seasoned pro who doesn’t give with the goods until the money’s on the dresser, Mother asks about the belt before getting too comfortable. Shelby got to it before any other cop did so no one else knows (bad move, Shelby – your life expectancy just got a little lower) and he says he can help her if she’s honest with him – he just wants to know why Norman killed Keith. Mother makes for the sexy time to keep him from prying any further.

Dylan, meanwhile, has been thinking out loud about how he knows nothing about Mother, really, including where she grew up or why she has a pretty large scar or burn mark on her leg. Coming home, Norman is beside himself worried about Mother who hasn’t called or responded to his texts. Dylan says that Mother is smothering Norman and he needs to get out more. Thing is, not only is Dylan right, but he is actually trying to be helpful and protective of Norman. He’s tactless, but caring in his own stunted way. Possibly concerning, however, is that Dylan references the other night when Norman tried to attack him and Norman legitimately has no memory of the event.

"Remember when you tried to kill me?" "NO! Psychotic breaks LOL!"

Much later, Mother arrives home to find Norman asleep in her bed. Ick. She tells him that they should be okay for the time being, Shelby won’t talk. Norman doesn’t like that Shelby may make mother do “things” that she doesn’t want to do. Mother finally slips a little and asks Norman why, dear God, did he keep the belt? Norman confesses it’s because he like to keep mementos of things. Mother makes the amazingly accurate observation that it is insane to want to keep the memento of her rape and the murder of the man who attacked her. But oh, who cares, come here and let me hug you in my bed like the enmeshed man-child that you are.

In school, Norman tries to flirt with Bradley, but Emma cockblocks him telling him that the Chinese word they found is the word for “beautiful” and she wants to go to the police at which point Norman LOSES. HIS. SHIT. He insults her illness and demands that she not involve him or the motel with the police. That night, Norman lies in his room in the dark when Mother comes to him and tells him that he was right – as long as Shelby has the belt, he can hurt them, just like Norman’s father did. (!) “It’s all your fault,” she tells him. “I know,” he responds. “There’s something wrong with me. I know what I have to do.” No surprise here, it’s a hallucination and Mother isn’t actually in the room.  Norman walks in a trance from the motel to Shelby’s house.

A suddenly surprisingly cogent Norman manages to break into Shelby’s house. He finds a locked basement door and goes looking for a key, finding it in Shelby’s nightstand in his bedroom. Also, Shelby’s porn is in there too. That’s not technically relevant, just a nice detail that I wanted to call out. Well done, props department! Norman is interrupted by Shelby’s guard dog, which is either deaf or lazy, considering how long Norman’s been in the house and making noise. Norman escapes the dog and makes it to the basement with the keys and you JUST KNOW this is going to be good. What does the fine upstanding Deputy Shelby have in his basement? Oh, you know. Just a cheesy homemade porn set, complete with mirror ball and camera. And a secret door. That locks from the outside. And opens to another porn set with an almost dead Chinese girl locked inside. Norman could freak out (or get aroused), but just then, Shelby comes home…

Nice Town You Picked, Norma

Hey folks – Episode two of Bates Motel! More super models! More squicky mother-son flirting! More burning bodies (seriously)!

We begin with Norman browsing his flipbook-o-torture porn that he found like it’s his own little animated snuff film. Downstairs, Dylan, the older brother, has arrived at the front door and Mother is none too pleased about it. He’s here because he’s without a job and a little miffed that Mother up and moved state without telling him, but Mother is more interested in sending him on his way as soon as possible. At the bus stop in front of the motel, the super model coeds wait for Norman. Been in school less than a week and he already has groupies. Super model #1 is crushing on him bad and wants to know if he’ll help her study. But for realz, not in a metaphor-y kind of way. Just then, the super model’s dad’s car speeds past them, crashing into the ditch. Norman reaches the car first to find the driver is a man badly burned.

Just a flesh wound. 

Later, the Sheriff and his Deputy tell Mother that someone intentionally set fire to the man’s warehouse and he must have been caught in it. Unfortunately, in investigating the crash, the police find Keith Summers’ truck on the Bates’ property. Ruh roh! Someone forgot to ditch the truck with the body, apparently. Inconvenient murder aside, Norman attempts to bring a flower to Super Model #1, who I’m just going to start calling Becky because she has no other personality to speak of, at the hospital as she waits for news about her burned father. Norman is stopped, however, by Richard, the other student who served no purpose. Richard says he’ll give the flower to Becky and Norman can just run along home now, Richard will be doing all the comforting and misery sexing of the super models here, thank you. Sent to school, Norman finds himself partnered on a poetry assignment to Emma, the girl with cystic fibrosis.

Dylan, malcontent that he is, visits a strip club and finds a man crying there. Can’t be good for the dancers’ self-esteem. The man confesses that his boss is the burned man and that he’s probably not going to make it. Dylan’s all “yeah life sucks” until he notices the fat wad of cash the crying man pays with and asks how he came into that kind of coin. Coming home that night, Dylan and Mother get into it. Turns out that Mother left Dylan’s father to be with Norman’s father (given how Norman’s father ended up, might be a blessing in disguise) and Dylan’s never forgiven Mother and Norman’s closeness (see above, re: blessing.) He baits her, asking where she got the money for a new motel and new house, anyway? “Insurance,” Mother sniffs, unconvincingly.

Mother and Norman obsessively clean the kitchen in anticipation of greater police presence near the house when Emma arrives for the study date. Dylan handles this about as well as an older brother who hates his family would. Mother isn’t pleased until she learns that the sickly girl is just here to study. Whew, crisis averted! Yes, dear, you can totally study with my son in a way that won’t present you as a threat to his attentions for me. How is that life-threatening illness of yours, anyway, and about how much longer do you have left to live? (She literally asks that last part, by the way.) Emma and Norman go over their assignment and consider using William Blake’s The Tyger as a metaphor for serial killers and God allowing bad things to happen. In the process, Emma finds the sketch book. Rather than be creeped out, she’s intrigued. “I’ve read a lot of manga,” she explains and asks to borrow it. Tentacle porn FTW!

That night, Mother has a visitor – the Sheriff is back (I should really learn his name) and he’s brought Deputy Shelby with him. They’re sniffing for clues on Mother’s story about never seeing Summers when a neighbor heard them fight earlier in the day. The next day, Mother finds Shelby in town and begins to flirt with him about the grilling they gave her. Shelby tells her that Summers and the Sheriff grew up together, which is why he’s so eager. He then sorta kinda asks her to go to a town event that night and she “demurely” accepts, seeing an opportunity. Back home, Mother giddily dresses for her date, asking Norman how she looks. When Norman disapproves of her outfit, she takes it off in front of him in favor of another. “I’m your mother,” she says when he grown visibly uncomfortable. “It’s not like it’s weird or anything.” 

Beg to differ, Madam.

Meanwhile, Dylan is getting comfy with the local criminal underworld via the sobbing man from the strip club. When he comes home, the two boys try to have something approaching a family dinner, but it very quickly devolves into a physical fight when Norman notices that Dylan has Mother listed in his phone as “The Whore”.  Honestly, Dylan kinda sounds like the reasonable one in this fight, pointing out that Norman and Mother’s relationship is creepy and Dylan wouldn’t be there if he literally didn’t have any other option. Dylan may be a punk, but it’s hard to argue with his position here.

Mother’s date with Shelby is to a community log sawing event. Ah, the Pacific Northwest. Shelby confides to Mother after a drink or two that Summers was kind of a train wreck and was involved in something illegal which is totes why they probably can’t find him right now. Mother says she just wants a normal town for Norman. Shelby darkly points out that nothing in this town is what it seems; how else do you explain how so many people make their living selling artisanal cheeses and organic vegetables but somehow live in million dollar homes? He says the town deals with things in its own way and the burn victim at the start of the show “will be dealt with.” Yup. This town sounds about right for this family.

Arriving home, Mother freaks at seeing Norman’s bruises and decides to kick Dylan out. Norman gets a text from Emma asking him to meet her at her father’s shop. Norman lies to Emma about how he got his bruises but she sees right through it. Fun sidebar, her father is an amateur taxidermist and professional foreshadower.  Anyway, Emma’s been translating the Chinese in the torture porn sketch book and has figured out that it tells about Chinese girls lured to America as maids only to be sold into prostitution. The book also illustrates a local mountain range where bodies of these girls are buried. Emma wants to investigate and after a sudden and sweet kiss, Norman agrees. Back home, Mother attempts to throw Dylan out, sparking another argument. Dylan confesses that he found them through Mother’s insurance people who were very kind about how tragic it was that Mother’s husband died, the poor dear. Dylan says it’s funny that no one seems to know how Mother and her husband got along, implying the relationship was not a happy one. He wonders what the police would make of that.

You can tell he's the ne'er-do-well by his jacket and unshaven face.

In the woods the next day, Norman and Emma hike to where she thinks the mountain range is. They are on the right track when they stumble onto a field of marijuana and are chased off by men with guns. Running not being easy with Emma’s cystic fibrosis, this is not the best thing for her. Fear not, they make it back to the car and speed off before the marijuana hillbillies can get them. Back in town, Mother is driving through the town square when she notices a commotion – someone has hung a man’s still-burning body from the town flagpole. Shelby is directing traffic and waives her on, suggesting, as he said earlier, that things have been “dealt with.”

I’m intrigued as to where this is going. The inclusion of the strange town around the Bates Motel plotline seems very Twin Peaks to me, which as a fan of that show I’m totally fine with. That may also help keep the plots moving forward since not everything is going to have to be about waiting for Norman to put on Mother’s dress.