Kosar the Undefeated

J. Anthony Kosar, talented movie make-up designer, intense gazer and all-round adorbz hottie, won Face Off on Tuesday eve. His triumph was celebrated by, quoth the Caroline, "the weakest confetti fall ever."  

Hello, ladies.

Yes, his last name sounds like a bad sci-fi movie villain (J. Anthony should get to work on that creature design stat), but after a season rife with monster/human hybrid related challenges, a deplorable lack of zombies and a somewhat meh finale challenge, KOSAR EMERGED VICTORIOUS!! Send in the pillaging hordes. Or the celebratory catered cupcakes. Or somethingz.

Anyhoo.

In case anyone is honestly surprised that Anthony won, winning last week's challenge placed him in the finale with fellow designers Wayne Anderson and Kris Kobzina. Anthony has been in top looks all season (except a few times when he was for some reason in the bottom due to a seeming lack of dramz happening this season). Wayne and Kris have also proved their mettle throughout, continuously bringing in solid design after solid design. Eric Fox was the last person eliminated before the finale, possibly disadvantaged because he could not visit the Defiance set in Canadialand for the "Plug Defiance" challenge because of what host McKenzie Westmore said were "family issues." K, Kenz. K.  Maggie Cats and are I hopeful that Eric F. can find a way to get past this loss and make his fortune in marketing his own brand of signature eyeliner.

Maybe he's born with it. 

The finale challenge was entitled, "Living the Dream,"  inspired by "Le Reve: The Dream at the Wynn Hotel in Las Vegas," which is basically Cirque du Soleil but underwater.  Their task this week was to create a "dreamscape," with one character originating from the dream and another character who is a "dream thief," which is apparently some type of soul-stealing, dream-eating monster. Om nom nom. Maggie says this would not work with her dreams, since she has most recently been dreaming of cupcakes. 

Your finale challenge: create a demon/cupcake hybrid.

The winner gets $100,000, an opportunity to be a guest lecturer for Make Up Forever in New York and Paris and...a Fiat, for some reason. Confused? Maggie and I will be here to walk you through it.

Fortunately, the network eliminated the bells and whistles from the extravaspecatulaeleganza they created for the Season 3 finale. That finale was live, they made all the finalists get hooched out, and the winner was chosen by audience vote. It bordered on tacky, and the wrong person won. 

This time, thank Zod, the winner will be chosen by our intrepid team of judges: eyeliner-laden former Buffy make-up artist Glenn Hetrick (also likely the reason Lady Gaga has been looking like Madonna lately); Oscar-winning movie make-up maven and Everyone's Mom, Ve Neill and...and...what's the other guy's name? Doesn't matter. 

To the challenge!

After a brief Skype call with famz, the gentlemen head to the workshop and discover that they have to create a fantasy make-up, requiring one (1) "dream thief" and another character who is the dream thief's victim. The added twist this time around is that the models this time are actually acrobats who perform in Le Reve. All of their creations will be featured in a performance of Le Reve In Front of a Live Studio Audience. Their creations must be based on a theme, with their choices being: whimsical, gothic, ethereal, cosmic and sinister. Anthony chooses sinister. BWAHAHA. Kris chooses ethereal, and Wayne chooses supernatural. 

Maggie: Who the fuck wants whimsical? A whimsical dream thief?

Miss Pie: Dreams are whimsical sometimes. 

Maggie:  I dream a lot that I am a vampire slayer. For reals

.

Miss Pie: I dream about Downton Abbey.

So you want to have an eyeliner battle? So it is. 

Oh, and McKenzie "forgets" to mention the water factor. All of their make-ups have to be 100 percent WATERPROOF. BY THE WAY.

Miss Pie: What will happen if one of the models drowns? Do they get automatically eliminated?

Maggie: Automatic 4.0 average.

Miss Pie: With Ve being like, "I'm so sorry that poor girl drowned, but this looks amazing on her dead body."

As per the case in past seasons, our apprentice make-up artists are joined in the finale by a team comprised of previously eliminated contestants.

Maggie: Who let these freaks out of the asylum?

Miss Pie: Is that everyone? That's not everyone.

In previous seasons, everyone came back and the finalists chose their teams from all of the former contestants. That always left a surplus of former contestants who didn't participate in the finale because...well, usually because they were really bad. This time, only the past six people eliminated have been asked to return for the finale. Unfortunately, this means the return of a contestant named Autumn, who was this season's general fuck-up/Debbie Downer. 

Maggie: Just lock her in a cage.

Autumn managed to stick around until the last half of the eliminations, due mostly to sheer luck. Was she brought back to create drama because the producers know the other contestants don't like her and have stated on camera that no one wants to work with her? The mystery lingers. 

Miss Pie: OMG. Who would choose Autumn for their team? She is like the worst

Maggie: Hmm. What about the girl who CANNOT FEEL HER HANDS? MY HAND. I CANNOT FEEL IT!

Miss Pie: I loved how they sent her partner home instead of her, and then kept her around for three more weeks.

Maggie: Oh, the drama. They want more drama.

Go home, Autumn. You are drunk.

Sadly, since the teams this time consist of the finalist and two helper elves, all the erstwhile contestants had to be assigned to a team. Team Anthony ended up with Autumn. 
She was last picked. Perhaps her next creative venture could be writing a Taylor Swift song.

Other eliminated contestants making an appearance in the finale were Alam Park, Meagan Hester, Eric Zapata, and David "House" Greathouse. There is no female contestant in the finale this season. With the possible exception of Alam, all the female contestants this season exhibited a disturbing amount of fail. 

The finalists get four days for this challenge: three days to sclupt and pour molds, with Day 4 being the finale finale where they crown the new Face Off king. On Day 1, the finalists sketch their concepts and begin sculpting their clay molds. 

Kris dislikes this challenge, due to not "feeling" it. He bleeping hates it. BLEEPING hates it. They're all freaking out about the water. Also, since all this is going to go down in Vegas, these folks have got to pack up all of their prosthetics, make-up, costuming and whatnot into the Face Off official Don't Fuck-it-Upmobile and travel from the workshop in LA to Nevada. How very diverting. 

Day 2 of challenge. Enter McKenzie, with fatherly show mentor and real-life dad, Star Trek: TNG make-up effects artist Michael Westmore.

Miss Pie: I like Michael Westmore. He seems like a nice dude. 

Maggie: He always knows exactly what point to make.

Miss Pie: I like it when people don't listen to him and then they go home.

Maggie: It's like Tim Gunn. Always listen to the mentor, you fools!

At the end of Day 2, Wayne is behind. Again. He had planned to have everything sculpted and molded by the end of Day 2, but yet once more, he's failed in his time management. Michael Westmore has been on Wayne's case all season about his time management, but some people just cannot listen. Le sigh. Next season, Papa Westmore should dress someone up like a Ferengi and have them threaten contestants if they don't baaaring it. 

Anthony has issues on Day 3 of the challenge.  His female make-up's face "second skinned," which, he explains, means there are air pockets on the surface of the skin. This simply will not do in the finale. He plans to re-run it in foam, but then he sees that his mold has already been destroyed. Well, shit. So, he has to sit and resculpt the face. As if things aren't looking bad enough for Anthony, Autumn and Eric Z. can't get Anthony's chest piece open. Anthony asked Autumn to make this mold, and somehow during the pouring process, Autumn poured the foam in such a way that the mold ended up locking. 

Maggie: Oh, God! Autumn will fuck this up!

Miss Pie: Oh, there is so much fail. Autumn is going to cost him the win. She should be fired. Out of a cannon.

Maggie: Like a gerbil. 

Meanwhile at the less panicked end of the workroom, Meagan is acting as a prosthetic and paint guinea pig for Team Wayne. Eric F. sprays her with a hose to see how their paint will hold up in water. Autumn and Eric Z., however, cannot get this mold open.

Maggie: He will persevere. He is magic.

Never fear! For I am handsome!

Team Anthony finally gets this mold open. There's a little damage, but Anthony feels he can work with it.

Miss Pie: The sculpt can be saved!

Maggie: Yay! Maybe he is getting the perseverance edit!

The painting phase begins! Then it's time to head to Las Vegas. 

Our finalists get escorted to the Wynn Hotel in a rented limousine, and head up to a sickening VIP suite.

Maggie: Yay! Vegas!

Miss Pie: Does what happens there really stay there?

Maggie. No. Herpes lasts forever.

Miss Pie: Much like diamonds.

It's application day. Team Anthony, Team Wayne and Team Kris enter. Hopefully, the production team let the non-finalist worker bees sleep in the limo so they come into Day 4 refreshed. 

Hello!

Wayne gets to work sealing his appliances.  Four hours before "last looks," the Le Reve performers arrive for application.  Anthony is a little behind since he doesn't have all of the appliances done. Wayne is far behind, and it looks like he will be painting during last looks. Again. 

McKenzie enters, clad in a sparkly dress, and tells them they have one hour. So get painting.  

Maggie: She looks amazing. I want that dress.

Miss Pie: Me, too. Oh, Wayne. Not getting his paint job done again.

Maggie: I mean, how many times can you make the same mistake?

Miss Pie. I dunno. But he does it a bunch.

Woo-hoo!! It is time for the finale!! McKenzie says "amazing" a bunch, and then introduces our friendly judging panel. 

Tonight, one of you will win. Two of you will lose. And I will still be rich and beautiful.

Miss Pie: Neville! That's the other judge!

Maggie: Neville.

Miss Pie: Longbottom.

Maggie: Nah, he is way more BAMF than this Neville.

Our first creations up are from Kris. His dream thief is an amazing (see, I said it, too!) creation, totally in keeping with his chosen "ethereal" theme. I'm not feeling the Yellow McYellowtown on his female make-up, though. Together, they kind of look like mutant University of Michigan students post nuclear meltdown. Not that that's a bad thing.

Hail to the Not-Victors.

Up next, we have Anthony. The female looks like she's clad in a '60s-era Trek costume, but Anthony has a cohesive look. 

 #OrionSlaveGirlProblems

Of the three final looks, I find Wayne's the most underwhelming. His paint job is too pale and monochromatic, but his sculpting is beautiful. I like the female's costume, but the male's kind of looks like supernatural lederhosen.

The David's Bridal 2014 Netherworld Collection.

The judges go in for a closer look pre-swim, and really don't have any negative comments to make about any of the looks, which is unusual for this judging trio. And no, none of the judges is British. And now we dance!

I must say, the performance is pretty stellar. There are all these ropes and pulleys and gadgets and mid-air flips and dives and really you're just waiting for a couple of them to die so their orphaned son will grow up to be a superhero sidekick. Because that totally happens.

I could so do that. Here, hold my beer.

The performance is actually really cool. No one drowns. Everyone is happy. And now we judge you!!

Surprisingly, none of the judges has anything negative or nasty to say about any of the make-ups. Generally, there is a ton of nit-picking going on, especially from Glenn's end of the table, but the judges are very pleased with this last group of looks. Glenn creates some non-tension by saying, "The winner of Face Off " is...a commercial break. Brought to you by Neutrogena and Kristen Bell. That's the plot the Veronica Mars movie. Spoiler alert. She wins Face Off.

Back to the show. The ectopic pregnant pause continues. Glenn announces the winner is Anthony. And then the ceiling farts out some confetti.

Miss Pie: How happy are you?

Maggie: I am very pleased.

Miss Pie: Balloonz!!!

Maggie: But this was underwhelming.

Miss Pie: A Fiat is underwhelming.

Maggie: I feel like they have had better challenges. Something more specific.

Miss Pie: It was very generic.

Maggie wanted a bigger challenge. Maggie wanted Alice in Wonderland zombies. Or Tim Burton zombies. Or ZOMG YOU GUYS Downton Abbey zombies. (!!!!)

Maggie demands MOAR zombies!

Stay tuned for a new season of Face Off coming this summer to a television near you. If you are on pins and needles, head on over to the Syfy web page and check out Redemption, where eliminated contestants from Season 4 compete in 10-minute webisodes to earn a spot in the next season of Face Off. Look out, world! 

I want you to sculpt me like one of your desiccated demon mummy girls.

Face Off generally airs on Tuesdays at 9 p.m. on Syfy.

OMG THEY KILLED MATTHEW???!!!!!!!

Nice Town You Picked, Norma

Hey folks – Episode two of Bates Motel! More super models! More squicky mother-son flirting! More burning bodies (seriously)!

We begin with Norman browsing his flipbook-o-torture porn that he found like it’s his own little animated snuff film. Downstairs, Dylan, the older brother, has arrived at the front door and Mother is none too pleased about it. He’s here because he’s without a job and a little miffed that Mother up and moved state without telling him, but Mother is more interested in sending him on his way as soon as possible. At the bus stop in front of the motel, the super model coeds wait for Norman. Been in school less than a week and he already has groupies. Super model #1 is crushing on him bad and wants to know if he’ll help her study. But for realz, not in a metaphor-y kind of way. Just then, the super model’s dad’s car speeds past them, crashing into the ditch. Norman reaches the car first to find the driver is a man badly burned.

Just a flesh wound. 

Later, the Sheriff and his Deputy tell Mother that someone intentionally set fire to the man’s warehouse and he must have been caught in it. Unfortunately, in investigating the crash, the police find Keith Summers’ truck on the Bates’ property. Ruh roh! Someone forgot to ditch the truck with the body, apparently. Inconvenient murder aside, Norman attempts to bring a flower to Super Model #1, who I’m just going to start calling Becky because she has no other personality to speak of, at the hospital as she waits for news about her burned father. Norman is stopped, however, by Richard, the other student who served no purpose. Richard says he’ll give the flower to Becky and Norman can just run along home now, Richard will be doing all the comforting and misery sexing of the super models here, thank you. Sent to school, Norman finds himself partnered on a poetry assignment to Emma, the girl with cystic fibrosis.

Dylan, malcontent that he is, visits a strip club and finds a man crying there. Can’t be good for the dancers’ self-esteem. The man confesses that his boss is the burned man and that he’s probably not going to make it. Dylan’s all “yeah life sucks” until he notices the fat wad of cash the crying man pays with and asks how he came into that kind of coin. Coming home that night, Dylan and Mother get into it. Turns out that Mother left Dylan’s father to be with Norman’s father (given how Norman’s father ended up, might be a blessing in disguise) and Dylan’s never forgiven Mother and Norman’s closeness (see above, re: blessing.) He baits her, asking where she got the money for a new motel and new house, anyway? “Insurance,” Mother sniffs, unconvincingly.

Mother and Norman obsessively clean the kitchen in anticipation of greater police presence near the house when Emma arrives for the study date. Dylan handles this about as well as an older brother who hates his family would. Mother isn’t pleased until she learns that the sickly girl is just here to study. Whew, crisis averted! Yes, dear, you can totally study with my son in a way that won’t present you as a threat to his attentions for me. How is that life-threatening illness of yours, anyway, and about how much longer do you have left to live? (She literally asks that last part, by the way.) Emma and Norman go over their assignment and consider using William Blake’s The Tyger as a metaphor for serial killers and God allowing bad things to happen. In the process, Emma finds the sketch book. Rather than be creeped out, she’s intrigued. “I’ve read a lot of manga,” she explains and asks to borrow it. Tentacle porn FTW!

That night, Mother has a visitor – the Sheriff is back (I should really learn his name) and he’s brought Deputy Shelby with him. They’re sniffing for clues on Mother’s story about never seeing Summers when a neighbor heard them fight earlier in the day. The next day, Mother finds Shelby in town and begins to flirt with him about the grilling they gave her. Shelby tells her that Summers and the Sheriff grew up together, which is why he’s so eager. He then sorta kinda asks her to go to a town event that night and she “demurely” accepts, seeing an opportunity. Back home, Mother giddily dresses for her date, asking Norman how she looks. When Norman disapproves of her outfit, she takes it off in front of him in favor of another. “I’m your mother,” she says when he grown visibly uncomfortable. “It’s not like it’s weird or anything.” 

Beg to differ, Madam.

Meanwhile, Dylan is getting comfy with the local criminal underworld via the sobbing man from the strip club. When he comes home, the two boys try to have something approaching a family dinner, but it very quickly devolves into a physical fight when Norman notices that Dylan has Mother listed in his phone as “The Whore”.  Honestly, Dylan kinda sounds like the reasonable one in this fight, pointing out that Norman and Mother’s relationship is creepy and Dylan wouldn’t be there if he literally didn’t have any other option. Dylan may be a punk, but it’s hard to argue with his position here.

Mother’s date with Shelby is to a community log sawing event. Ah, the Pacific Northwest. Shelby confides to Mother after a drink or two that Summers was kind of a train wreck and was involved in something illegal which is totes why they probably can’t find him right now. Mother says she just wants a normal town for Norman. Shelby darkly points out that nothing in this town is what it seems; how else do you explain how so many people make their living selling artisanal cheeses and organic vegetables but somehow live in million dollar homes? He says the town deals with things in its own way and the burn victim at the start of the show “will be dealt with.” Yup. This town sounds about right for this family.

Arriving home, Mother freaks at seeing Norman’s bruises and decides to kick Dylan out. Norman gets a text from Emma asking him to meet her at her father’s shop. Norman lies to Emma about how he got his bruises but she sees right through it. Fun sidebar, her father is an amateur taxidermist and professional foreshadower.  Anyway, Emma’s been translating the Chinese in the torture porn sketch book and has figured out that it tells about Chinese girls lured to America as maids only to be sold into prostitution. The book also illustrates a local mountain range where bodies of these girls are buried. Emma wants to investigate and after a sudden and sweet kiss, Norman agrees. Back home, Mother attempts to throw Dylan out, sparking another argument. Dylan confesses that he found them through Mother’s insurance people who were very kind about how tragic it was that Mother’s husband died, the poor dear. Dylan says it’s funny that no one seems to know how Mother and her husband got along, implying the relationship was not a happy one. He wonders what the police would make of that.

You can tell he's the ne'er-do-well by his jacket and unshaven face.

In the woods the next day, Norman and Emma hike to where she thinks the mountain range is. They are on the right track when they stumble onto a field of marijuana and are chased off by men with guns. Running not being easy with Emma’s cystic fibrosis, this is not the best thing for her. Fear not, they make it back to the car and speed off before the marijuana hillbillies can get them. Back in town, Mother is driving through the town square when she notices a commotion – someone has hung a man’s still-burning body from the town flagpole. Shelby is directing traffic and waives her on, suggesting, as he said earlier, that things have been “dealt with.”

I’m intrigued as to where this is going. The inclusion of the strange town around the Bates Motel plotline seems very Twin Peaks to me, which as a fan of that show I’m totally fine with. That may also help keep the plots moving forward since not everything is going to have to be about waiting for Norman to put on Mother’s dress. 

Game of Thrones Season 2 Rewatch

The premiere date for the new season of Game of Thrones approaches....so that means it was time for a new Maggie Cats tradition: the Game of Thrones rewatch!

I started this tradition last year; invite a bunch of people over to my house, indulge in some themed crafts and baking, and run an entire season of HBO's Game of Thrones all day long to catch up before the new episodes start. The rules are simple: the first episode starts at 11 in the morning and we run them straight through, no breaks. People are free to come and go as they like, so there is usually a crowd throughout the day.

One of the things I love most about the rewatch (other than having a chance to cook some awesome themed snacks) is the mix of people. Some of us are big fans of the books, have read them all, and also really love the show. Others only track the show and have no idea of what lies in store for their favorite characters (mwahahahaha). And finally, there are always some noobs....who have no idea how the world of Game of Thrones works....or how truly fucked up some of the characters are.

"Oh my God! He really is as big a douchebag as the internet says he is!" --Monkey Sri, new to the show.

Running all the episodes back to back also is the best way to catch up. The story flows, you catch things you missed with a week break between episodes, and the season seems to fit together like a puzzle. Of course, it also means that some of the flaws become more obvious. Did Dany really do anything except wander around the desert and ask rich person after rich person for money? And "where are my dragons??" totally became the new "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaalt!"

But perhaps the slowest plotline was Jon Snow. There was a lot of tramping through the snow and snarking with Ygritte. Tramping. Snark. Tramping. Snark. Sure, we got some movement at the end of the season when he arrived at the camp of the King Beyond the Wall, but it was kind of a slog to get there.

"Sure, living in the wilderness is fun and all, but what I really want to do is take a typing correspondence course and become a secretary." That's a Downton Abbey joke in case you aren't in the know. 

So I am declaring this year's Game of Thrones rewatch a success! We ended up with probably about 20 people, 3 dogs, 50 chicken wings, and lots of other yummy treats. And I absolutely cannot WAIT until the season 3 premiere. There is so much great stuff coming up...and I don't just mean things from the third book, Storm of Swords. The changes that the writers have made to the story have been almost universally positive (remember all those awesome scenes with Arya and Tywin?). Which means I am super excited for the surprises that lie in store!

Oh, and here are the House Sandwiches that I "made." I used the heraldic banners from Inn at the Crossroads to indicate the types of sandwiches....and printed up a banquet menu. Example: House Targaryen was Spiced Italian. Because those Targaryens are certainly spicy.

Blue Vadge Hoochie Mama

Ever have one of those Saturdays where you just want to sit and eat store-bought cookies 'n' crème cake and "gourmet" frozen pizza, while letting your brain rot to the dulcet tones of a mindless but entertaining reality show? Will it just not STOP FUCKING SNOWING where you live, regardless of previous weather patterns and/or calendar dates?

Well, then I have got a show for you.

NBC's Fashion Star is pretty much the best way to spend a Saturday, especially while you sit and tell yourself that "after just one more episode," you will go run on the treadmill "if it warms up later."

Oh, wishful thinking.

Returning to The Peacock after a reasonably successful first season, Fashion Star follows the travails of twelve lucky (or not) up-and-coming designers. Yes, the show's title sounds like a 1990s-era Mattel toy aimed at girls, but it's fun to watch and if you've got money to burn, you can purchase the contestants' clothes online IN REAL TIME.   

Bitchin (adj.)

They've made a few tweaks to the show since last season. First season host Elle MacPherson has left off hosting duties and is now behind the scenes, going the executive producer route. The new host is fashion journalist Louise Roe, who gets to look pretty and wear a chic wardrobe that should serve as some inspiration to the more floundering-prone contestants. 

Another change is that Nicole Christie of H&M has left the buyers' panel, replaced by Erika DeSalvatore from Express. The other buyers are the old-as-dirt but debonair Terron Schaefer from Saks Fifth Avenue and the competent and exacting Caprice Willard of Macy's. You'd think that Terron would be the most discerning since he represents Saks, but Caprice is the toughest sell, and thus the one to impress. A sale to Macy's is one of the more hard-earned achievements.  

One other change this season is that Fashion Star, like the various X-Factor/Voice/America's Next Flash in the Pan reality competitions, has gone the mentor/team route in an attempt to spice things up.  Last season, the mentors advised all of the contestants, but this time, the celeb designers have chosen teams comprised of contestants whom they feel show the most promise. Detroit Native Son John Varvatos, Chicken of the Sea Spokesmom Jessica Simpson and Professional Bohemian Nicole Richie serve as mentors. Thus far, Detroit is rocking it out, since John's team hasn't lost any designers, whereas both Jessica's and Nicole's teams have. 

Yes, my fledglings. Soon.

The basic premise is purdy darn simple. Twelve contestants are divided up into teams, led by a celeb mentor. Each week, they compete to create one design for a spring collection, based on a specific and usually pretty uncomplicated theme.  At least, one would think. During the "Sex Sells" challenge, Package Deal JesseRay Vasquez and Garrett Gerson instantly thought the sexiest thing they could make would be a sweater vest.  Jessica gave them some kind, motherly advice that sweater vests are not, in fact, sexy and they followed her advice and changed their design into a SICK black knit dress. 

I ask you, America, what has more wow factor than a sweater vest?

The designers present their creations before the buyers, and the buyers consult with "their people" about whether or not to make a bid on the item. This can either result in a bidding war that you may get unreasonably excited about -- or humiliation on national TV if there are no bids from the retailers. Really, it could go either way. Designers who sell are safe that week. Those who fail to get a bid are placed on the chopping block by the mentors, and the buyers get the final say about who gets eliminated. The grand prize is a spring showcase in all three retailers. 

One rather unique aspect of this show is that the production team apparently has a team of elves at its disposal, thus making the designers' clothes available for purchase online during the show's airtime. The creations are also available nationwide in stores. There are also live Tweets! What else could you ask for?

Does this look like a sweatshop to you?

Standouts this season are (in no particular order): Hunter Bell, Daniel Silverstein, Silvia Arguello and Amber Perley. Their designs range from wearable to high fashion to COMPLETELY FUCKING FEROSH, BEYOTCH. Cassandra Hobbins, Brandon Scott and Garrett/JesseRay round out the dark horses. 

There are, of course, a few people who bug the crap out of me. Hipster Priscilla Barroso keeps whining about how no one understands her or her designs. In case any of us want to forget that she's misunderstood, she reminds us in every episode that she is misunderstood. She has sold on the show, but that's beside the point. During the "Something for Everyone" challenge, where designers were supposed to create a look that would flatter both a smaller size and a plus size, Priscilla's frock featured a significant midsection cut-out. I must say, after seeing that, I don't entirely get her, either. I'm not what anyone would call plus size by any stretch of the imagination, but I would hesitate to wear a pointless cut-out design that showed a good portion of my rib cage. I honestly like her vintage-inspired designs, but I can't see them at Express or Macy's, and I really think she would be better suited to design for ModCloth. 

Willy Wonka called. 

In Peplum Fail news, Compton lass Johana Hernandez is a talented designer, but she's left her game somewhere back in southeast LA. During the same challenge where Priscilla failed so spectacularly, she created this black-and-red peplum dress that didn't correctly fit her size 12 model, the fabrics and colors weren't right for spring and the peplum didn't draw focus to the right places. WHICH IS THE FUCKING POINT OF A PEPLUM. Johana is a lovely, well-dressed plus-size girl, and she even tried her design on, so I have no idea what the hell she was thinking. Her size 2 model design looked amazing, but her plus-size version looked…well, it looked a hot mess. Step it up, Johana. 

In the People Who Will Not Listen category, Nicole and Jess have lost team members because they will not take their advice on cut, color, style and fabric. JesseRay and Garrett learned from Jessica, but other contestants seem sure that their way is the right way -- until they get sent home. Case in point was Bret Young, who insisted on a blue crotch-line in a ladies' skinny pant, against Nicole's advice that, "Blue vadge is..." not the way to go. Bret was the first person eliminated. Oopsie. 

Regardless of what one might think of Jessica Simpson or Nicole Richie due to their somewhat dubious past reality TV personas, they both have their own fashion lines, from which they make bank. If one of them told me to change something in my design, I probably would. They both seem like genuinely nice people and they offer sound advice to their charges. We'll see in future episodes if Team John continues to wipe the floor with Team Nicole and Team Jessica. 

Run that by me again. So...it's tuna?

Overall, Fashion Star is a pretty innocuous reality show. It's turned the audience participation aspect of reality programming into a brilliant marketing move. The winner is chosen by the judges instead of the audience, and the melodrama level is at a minimum. Highly recommended for inane weekend viewing purposes. 

Extra show footage, including smack talk, is available online.

Designs from Season 2 are available for purchase at these sites:

Macy's

Saks Fifth Avenue

Express

This week, the neophytes take on creating "hot" (pun intended) looks for summer.  Fashion Star airs Fridays at 8 p.m. on NBC. Previous episodes are on demand.

A Boy's Best Friend is His Mother

Hey everyone! Feeling blue with the still-lingering winter outside? Hoping for chills of a different kind? How about we recap the new A&E prequel, Bates Motel? This one does pretty much exactly what it says on the tin, folks – it’s a retelling of the early years of Norman Bates, cinemas most famous psycho, and his dear Mother. Let’s jump in, shall we?

Shower first, anyone?

We begin our series with a teenage Norman in the modern day discovering his father dead in the garage. Panicked, he runs for his mother, Norma, finding her putting on a bathrobe and coming out of the shower. Heh. The Shower. I see what you did there, show! Norman brings Mother to his father’s body. Norma doesn’t seem that put out by all this, but comforts Norman, holding him to her. Six months later, the two have relocated to the Oregon coast having just purchased the Seafarer Inn, a curiously familiar motel with a rambling, gothic house on the hill behind it. Mother is terribly pleased with this decision, telling Norman they’ll run the motel together. Inside the house, the place is a dump, but Mother has visions of elegant surroundings. She grabs Norman by the hand, giggling and dragging him upstairs to show him his bedroom, which will be right next to hers. And yes, between the casual flirting and Norman seeing mother in her lacy underwear, the creepy matrophilia IS SO HAPPENING ALL OVER THIS SHOW!

Norman begins school by immediately getting picked up by five of the local high school’s hottest teenage super models. They give him their phone numbers take him to school in their new BMW. At home, Mother is chopping ribs with a meat cleaver (heh) when she gets a call from Norman’s older brother, who is clearly not on good terms with the family and wants money. In school, Norman meets with his guidance counselor who remarks on his father’s death says she’s here for him before commenting on his physique and suggesting he go out for track. Because Norman possesses heretofore unknown powers to make women fawn over him.

Norman got game.

When Norman arrives home from school, Mother has prepared a romantic dinner for two. Seriously. There are flowers on the table and everything. She upset that he’s late and what is this track that he’s going out for? She wants him home to help run the motel, but it’s okay, he can go out for sports. She’ll just do it herself. Alone. In the dark. What kind of mother is she? Jewish? The next morning, the two are confronted by Keith Summers, a local who knows way too much about them and belligerently tells them they should leave the house which is rightfully his on account of his grandparents building the place. Mother tells him that’s the way the foreclosure cookie crumbles and when he tries to tell her she has no idea about “the secrets in this town” she shoos him away.

That night, the Bates listen to the Rolling Stones together when the super models show up at the door wanting to know if Norman can come out to play. Mother is not pleased by all this nubile flesh suddenly darkening her doorway and says Norman needs to stay in and help her. Norman doesn’t take this well and storms off to his room before texting the super models and telling them to wait up for him while he sneaks out his window. The models take Norman to what teenagers probably think is a rave. Kids roll joints, drink, smoke, be malcontent. Norman hides in another room while emo music plays and spies on the pretty girls. Early precedent for yourself, Norman. Yet another model (seriously, what is in the water in this town?) comes onto him, saying he’s different and “a beautiful still lake in the middle of a concrete world.” Full confession: I have no idea what that means. They are interrupted by Richard, another student who has no purpose here other than to introduce what will surely be an eventual plot point.

Back home, Mother is doing the dishes and regretting yelling at Norman when a noise from outside the house scares her. She goes to investigate and who should push through the door but Keith Summers, the belligerent wacko from earlier. Mother screams for Norman to help her, but Summers is too quick. He has a pair of handcuffs and a knife and after kicking and punching Mother for a while, cuffs her to the kitchen table before using the knife to cut her skirt up the middle. Thereafter follows what is honestly one of the more uncomfortable rape scenes I’ve seen on TV in a long time (and I watched American Horror Story) but she’s “saved” by Norman who suddenly arrives home and knocks Summers away. They use the cuffs to restrain Summers and Mother sends Norman to fetch a first aid kit. Summers leers at her, telling her she liked it. Mother responds by plunging Summers’ own knife into him many, many times. Norman returns to see the dead body on the floor, looking suspiciously like how his father did.

Amazingly, one day Norman will look back on this as "the good old days."

Norman wants to call the cops, but Mother says it will ruin their new businesses to have a rape/murder on their first week. Always business-minded, that Mother. They decide to use the motel linens to soak up the blood and then hide Summers’ body in one of the motel bathtubs. Wonder if it’s the bathtub that Janet Leigh will eventually use? In the process they spill blood onto one of the carpets, meaning they now have to pull up carpet in several rooms to hide the their tracks under the guise of renovations to the motel. Underneath the carpet in one of the rooms, Norman discovers a book of sketches and notes. And that’s when the motel’s first guests arrive. It’s the cops, natch.

Turns out the Sheriff and his deputy are investigating only because they didn’t know anyone had bought the place. Mother says they’ve just been working and gosh, is it 2am already? How careless of me. My son will totes be going to bed now so he can attend school tomorrow. The sheriff wants to take a look around and goes into the room with the dead body in the tub. He says he needs to use the bathroom and isn’t put off by Mother’s excuse that the toilet is broke. “You just have to jiggle the handle,” he tells her and goes into the room, not realizing what’s sitting right behind the drawn shower curtain. Tension! But it’s only the first episode, so the cops leave without discovering anything.

The next day at school, guilt is getting the better of Norman, causing him to throw up in the hallway. A helpful girl, Emma, offers him a mint, saying that she’s familiar with being sick due to all the medications she has to take for her cystic fibrosis. She’s kind and is clearly another plot point in development. Back home that night, Mother and Norman row Summers’ body out into a nearby lake. Mother tells Norman that she’s an idiot because she noticed in town today that there’s a proposal to build a new highway bypass on the opposite side of town, effectively killing her business model. She laments that all she wants is to give Norman a better life and she’s the worst mother ever, but Norman won’t hear of it. He says she’s everything to him and he never wants to be without her and then quotes Jane Eyre to her. Touched, Mother suggests they get rid of the body now. They tie it to heavy chains and toss it overboard to sleep with the fishes. Never mind Jewish, is Mother a mafia donna?

Later, Norman flips through the book he found in his room, which features drawings of women tied up and gagged in sexual positions. Mother interrupts him to show him how they’ve taken down the old Seafarer Inn sign and replaced it with the iconic Bates Motel one. She insists everything’s going to be okay – she’ll think of something to stop the bypass plan from happening. Elsewhere, in a dingy basement, lights flicker on to reveal a woman lying on the floor. There are needle marks on her arm. Someone approaches her and begins to inject her with something as her eyes slowly open.

That’s the first episode, kids. It’s definitely a mixed bag, but we’ll see how the season progresses. Initially, I like that they’re not staying away from the uncomfortable creepiness of Norman and Mother’s relationship, but some of the plotting and the dialogue has definitely got to be fixed. That said, plenty of movies have seen subsequent TV series made out of them that outpaced their original source content. (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Smallville, The Sarah Connor Chronicles, to name a few.) There’s certainly a lot of material to work with here. Time will tell how well they do. 

Sweet, crippling emotional enmeshment.

Make Mine Meth!

I know I am the last person to this official party, but I just have to say officially that OMG YOU GUYS BREAKING BAD IS SO GOOD!

On the off chance that anyone reading this is even further behind on the zeitgeist than I am and is not in the know about this show, Breaking Bad is the story of a high school chemistry teacher (Bryan Cranston) who discovers he has “incurable” cancer and decides to start cooking meth in the high desert surrounding Albuquerque in order to raise enough money to provide for his family after he dies. Turns out, having a chemistry degree is a pretty good asset for cooking a highly-addictive drug and it’s not long before his product is so pure that it (sometime literally) sets the meth world in the southwestern US on fire. From there, hilarity ensues.

Warning, mild spoilers below. Nothing huge, but I do dish on character developments and evolution.

On the surface, Breaking Bad shares a lot of the same DNA as Showtime’s Weeds, another show about a suburban normal person who decides to become a drug kingpin because why not, really? The similarities end pretty quickly. Weeds’ Nancy Botwin is a pot-dealing soccer mom prone to making really comically unfortunate decisions that roil her suburb. Breaking Bad’s Walter White is much more Machiavellian. The comedic aspects are much more downplayed and the drama and tension is much higher. Series creator Vince Gilligan has admitted that the suburban parent-turned-drug kingpin plot is really secondary to the main point of the show, namely watching how an otherwise perfectly nice, innocuous person can eventually turn into Scarface.

Which is exactly what’s so compelling about watching the show, frankly. As the series begins, we sympathize with Walter and even kind of understand where he’s coming from – his entire motivation is simply to ensure his family’s survival after his rapidly approaching death. It’s almost sweet, insofar as cooking meth in a dirty RV in the desert and frequently dissolving dead bodies in tubs of acid can ever be described as sweet. But a funny thing happens on the way to the cancer treatment center – eventually Walter’s treatment starts to work and the timeline for his demise gets pushed back. Suddenly, the certainty of death becomes more nebulous and Walter is left with a nascent meth empire that needs tending. And that’s when we start to see the real Walter White, who begins to go by the name “Heisenberg” in drug circles to protect his identity. For this first time in his life, Walter is starting to get the one thing that high school teachers don’t usually have – respect. He’s making the best meth the world has ever seen and for once, he’s being handsomely compensated for what he’s doing, not only with money but with recognition that he’s a major player in this underworld. If Walter started down this road with the goal of earning money for his kids’ college and his wife’s home-ownership, he’s discovering that being feared and honored is even more rewarding than the money.

Pride goeth before the meth lab explosion

It's also no small miracle that, when it comes down to it, this is a show about chemistry. Evil chemistry, sure, but the show does a legitimately good job of showcasing how science actually works. A couple of the episodes even border on the MacGyver-ific, given that more than once, Walt has to get out of a pair of handcuffs or figure out how to restart a dying RV in the middle of the desert with no electricity but just the chemicals he has on him. It's indiscriminate science to be sure - as one of the characters says at one point, "Let's keep it real, alright? We make poison for people who don't care." Nevertheless, my nerdy little heart grows a few sizes when I consider that the "hero" of the show is, at his core, a scientist, and the creators aren't afraid to give him technical lines and show him using a lab.

And they don't even insist that we do this while being big-breasted women in low-cut shirts!

Breaking Bad’s stock in trade is the attention it puts onto its characters. It’s fascinating enough to watch Walter slowly become less and less sympathetic as time goes on, but he’s not the only one with myriad motivations and complex relationships. Walter’s fellow cook, his former slacker high school student Jesse (Aaron Paul), is equal parts surrogate son to Walter and Walter’s punching bag. Jesse vacillates between wanting to be a drug boss and then cowering in his home, broken after killing another character. For all his bravado and sneaking into AA groups to covertly push meth, he’s really a good kid. Likewise, Walter’s wife Skyler (Anna Gunn) moves from nagging, emasculating housewife to horrified co-conspirator as she gradually over the seasons begins to piece together Walter’s secret life. Skyler is the moral center of Walter’s universe, which makes things all the more purposefully confusing when she gets drawn into illegal activities of her own. Meanwhile, Walter’s brother-in-law, a DEA agent, comes across as both the arrogant braggart who’s desperately trying to be cooler than he is and also at the same time an ironically good field agent who is the only person who’s actually close to figuring out who is behind this sudden influx of highly potent meth hitting the streets. And that’s not even getting into the variety of criminal types, including a cool as a cucumber meth emperor and a hitman/cleaner who’s tough as nails but really just wants to go home and drink a beer. All of the characters are multi-faceted and layered and just when you think you’ve got one of them figured out they display a completely new part of themselves that is not only organic, but surprising.

They're just like your dysfunctional family. Only with more meth. (Most of you.)

Breaking Bad is in its fifth and final season on AMC. Still plenty of time to mainline the entire series on Netflix before the final eight episodes of the series begins this summer.