Squee-cap - Glee Goes Hollywood

This week on Glee saw the return of Ms. Pillsbury, two dream sequences, and several kiss confessions. Are "kiss confessions" a thing? If they weren't before, they totally are now!

It was mash-up week at McKinley High, with the theme Film Music. The usual competition between the boys and the girls was turned up a notch, since the winners get to star in Artie's senior film project. But first a co-ed warm up - Blaine and Brittany dancing crazy to "Shout," which I guess was the show's 500th song? Whatevs.

Look at me! I'm dancing crazy!

 The boys went first, and killed with a mash-up of "Highway to the Danger Zone" and "Old Time Rock and Roll." The girls went next with a mash-up of "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" and "Material Girl" - Unique (and to a lesser extent, Marley) kicked ass, but for me it didn't incorporate enough of "Material Girl." Was that just me? Anyway, it didn't even matter in the end because the winner was... everyone. Artie literally needed every single Glee kid for his film. *eye roll*

Meanwhile, Mr. Schuester is having trippy dreams about him and Ms. Pillsbury performing "You're All The World To Me" in one of those gravity-trick rooms (like that Lionel Richie video for "Dancing On The Ceiling" - look it up!). I guess that means he misses her, even though he doesn't really want to admit it. Finn tries to convince Mr. Schuester to put aside his butt hurt and go after Ms. Pillsbury - but he doesn't know where to find her. Finn and Artie end up tricking her parents into telling them where she is (her sister's house - how hard was that?).

Mr. Schuester shows up in her driveway, holding up a boom box and singing "In Your Eyes" a la Say Anything. Only one question remains... where did he even FIND a boom box? Do they still make those? ANYWAY, Ms. Pillsbury tells Mr. Schuester that she needs time to get reacquainted with him, and he agrees to "start over." Mr. Schuester thanks Finn for talking him into reconciling with Ms. Pillsbury - and Finn blurts out that he kissed her. Dun dun DUN! More on this drama next week.

Aforementioned boom box. Seriously, who still had one of these lying around?

Something I forgot in my previous recap - when Marley told Ryder that she knew he was planning her Valentine's Day, he kissed her. For some reason she confides in Kitty (or as I like to call her, Quinn 2.0) - so pretty soon everyone will know. Jake makes a romantic gestured copied out a movie that came out when he was an infant - "Unchained Melody" from Ghost. Marley spends half the time fantasizing about kissing Ryder, and the other half observing herself and Jake from across the room. Then she confesses, and he just walks out on her, leaving her sobbing and covered in clay. *sigh* Am I caring yet? Is this what it feels like to care about these people? Cause it feels a lot like NOT CARING AT ALL.

Up in New York, Santana is BITCH-TASTIC. Seriously, every line out of her mouth is more terrible, selfish, and hurtful than the next and I LOVE IT. Especially when she starts in on Brody (New Rachel's icky boyfriend) - from rooting around in all of their belongings, she found a pager and a wad of cash. She has drawn the conclusion that Brody is a drug dealer. Here I thought he was just a prostitute. And in a private moment (see, sometimes even bitches have tact) she corners Rachel about the pregnancy test - Rachel sobs, and they hug it out. That's cute and all, but Santana better not just be in NYC to drive What's Her Face's plot line. Don't make me go all Lima Heights all up in here!

Santana casts some EPIC side-eye. You have been warned. 

Saving the best for last... this episode contains a dream sequence with Kurt and Blaine pledging a love eternal via the duet, "Come What May" from Moulin Rouge. You initially think that Blaine's dreaming about getting Kurt back, but NO! It's Kurt's dream - Santana calls him out for crying during what used to be "their song." Again with the bitch ex machina. Adam asks Kurt about it later, and he confesses that he is still in love with Blaine - hooray! Adam does not bow out gracefully, and seems intent on wooing Kurt's heart away. Hrm... Adam has not really done anything to incite my wrath (or really much at all), but I feel like I should want his hopes to die in a fiery explosion. You know, on principle. This will require further thought...