Saturday, March 30, 2013

Kosar the Undefeated

J. Anthony Kosar, talented movie make-up designer, intense gazer and all-round adorbz hottie, won Face Off on Tuesday eve. His triumph was celebrated by, quoth the Caroline, "the weakest confetti fall ever."  


Hello, ladies.

Yes, his last name sounds like a bad sci-fi movie villain (J. Anthony should get to work on that creature design stat), but after a season rife with monster/human hybrid related challenges, a deplorable lack of zombies and a somewhat meh finale challenge, KOSAR EMERGED VICTORIOUS!! Send in the pillaging hordes. Or the celebratory catered cupcakes. Or somethingz.

Anyhoo.

In case anyone is honestly surprised that Anthony won, winning last week's challenge placed him in the finale with fellow designers Wayne Anderson and Kris Kobzina. Anthony has been in top looks all season (except a few times when he was for some reason in the bottom due to a seeming lack of dramz happening this season). Wayne and Kris have also proved their mettle throughout, continuously bringing in solid design after solid design. Eric Fox was the last person eliminated before the finale, possibly disadvantaged because he could not visit the Defiance set in Canadialand for the "Plug Defiance" challenge because of what host McKenzie Westmore said were "family issues." K, Kenz. K.  Maggie Cats and are I hopeful that Eric F. can find a way to get past this loss and make his fortune in marketing his own brand of signature eyeliner.


Maybe he's born with it. 

The finale challenge was entitled, "Living the Dream,"  inspired by "Le Reve: The Dream at the Wynn Hotel in Las Vegas," which is basically Cirque du Soleil but underwater.  Their task this week was to create a "dreamscape," with one character originating from the dream and another character who is a "dream thief," which is apparently some type of soul-stealing, dream-eating monster. Om nom nom. Maggie says this would not work with her dreams, since she has most recently been dreaming of cupcakes. 


Your finale challenge: create a demon/cupcake hybrid.

The winner gets $100,000, an opportunity to be a guest lecturer for Make Up Forever in New York and Paris and...a Fiat, for some reason. Confused? Maggie and I will be here to walk you through it.

Fortunately, the network eliminated the bells and whistles from the extravaspecatulaeleganza they created for the Season 3 finale. That finale was live, they made all the finalists get hooched out, and the winner was chosen by audience vote. It bordered on tacky, and the wrong person won. 

This time, thank Zod, the winner will be chosen by our intrepid team of judges: eyeliner-laden former Buffy make-up artist Glenn Hetrick (also likely the reason Lady Gaga has been looking like Madonna lately); Oscar-winning movie make-up maven and Everyone's Mom, Ve Neill and...and...what's the other guy's name? Doesn't matter. 

To the challenge!

After a brief Skype call with famz, the gentlemen head to the workshop and discover that they have to create a fantasy make-up, requiring one (1) "dream thief" and another character who is the dream thief's victim. The added twist this time around is that the models this time are actually acrobats who perform in Le Reve. All of their creations will be featured in a performance of Le Reve In Front of a Live Studio Audience. Their creations must be based on a theme, with their choices being: whimsical, gothic, ethereal, cosmic and sinister. Anthony chooses sinister. BWAHAHA. Kris chooses ethereal, and Wayne chooses supernatural. 

Maggie: Who the fuck wants whimsical? A whimsical dream thief?

Miss Pie: Dreams are whimsical sometimes. 





Maggie:  I dream a lot that I am a vampire slayer. For reals
.

Miss Pie: I dream about Downton Abbey.

So you want to have an eyeliner battle? So it is. 

Oh, and McKenzie "forgets" to mention the water factor. All of their make-ups have to be 100 percent WATERPROOF. BY THE WAY.

Miss Pie: What will happen if one of the models drowns? Do they get automatically eliminated?

Maggie: Automatic 4.0 average.

Miss Pie: With Ve being like, "I'm so sorry that poor girl drowned, but this looks amazing on her dead body."

As per the case in past seasons, our apprentice make-up artists are joined in the finale by a team comprised of previously eliminated contestants.

Maggie: Who let these freaks out of the asylum?

Miss Pie: Is that everyone? That's not everyone.

In previous seasons, everyone came back and the finalists chose their teams from all of the former contestants. That always left a surplus of former contestants who didn't participate in the finale because...well, usually because they were really bad. This time, only the past six people eliminated have been asked to return for the finale. Unfortunately, this means the return of a contestant named Autumn, who was this season's general fuck-up/Debbie Downer. 

Maggie: Just lock her in a cage.

Autumn managed to stick around until the last half of the eliminations, due mostly to sheer luck. Was she brought back to create drama because the producers know the other contestants don't like her and have stated on camera that no one wants to work with her? The mystery lingers. 

Miss Pie: OMG. Who would choose Autumn for their team? She is like the worst

Maggie: Hmm. What about the girl who CANNOT FEEL HER HANDS? MY HAND. I CANNOT FEEL IT!

Miss Pie: I loved how they sent her partner home instead of her, and then kept her around for three more weeks.

Maggie: Oh, the drama. They want more drama.

Go home, Autumn. You are drunk.

Sadly, since the teams this time consist of the finalist and two helper elves, all the erstwhile contestants had to be assigned to a team. Team Anthony ended up with Autumn. 
She was last picked. Perhaps her next creative venture could be writing a Taylor Swift song.

Other eliminated contestants making an appearance in the finale were Alam Park, Meagan Hester, Eric Zapata, and David "House" Greathouse. There is no female contestant in the finale this season. With the possible exception of Alam, all the female contestants this season exhibited a disturbing amount of fail. 

The finalists get four days for this challenge: three days to sclupt and pour molds, with Day 4 being the finale finale where they crown the new Face Off king. On Day 1, the finalists sketch their concepts and begin sculpting their clay molds. 

Kris dislikes this challenge, due to not "feeling" it. He bleeping hates it. BLEEPING hates it. They're all freaking out about the water. Also, since all this is going to go down in Vegas, these folks have got to pack up all of their prosthetics, make-up, costuming and whatnot into the Face Off official Don't Fuck-it-Upmobile and travel from the workshop in LA to Nevada. How very diverting. 

Day 2 of challenge. Enter McKenzie, with fatherly show mentor and real-life dad, Star Trek: TNG make-up effects artist Michael Westmore.

Miss Pie: I like Michael Westmore. He seems like a nice dude. 

Maggie: He always knows exactly what point to make.

Miss Pie: I like it when people don't listen to him and then they go home.

Maggie: It's like Tim Gunn. Always listen to the mentor, you fools!

At the end of Day 2, Wayne is behind. Again. He had planned to have everything sculpted and molded by the end of Day 2, but yet once more, he's failed in his time management. Michael Westmore has been on Wayne's case all season about his time management, but some people just cannot listen. Le sigh. Next season, Papa Westmore should dress someone up like a Ferengi and have them threaten contestants if they don't baaaring it. 

Anthony has issues on Day 3 of the challenge.  His female make-up's face "second skinned," which, he explains, means there are air pockets on the surface of the skin. This simply will not do in the finale. He plans to re-run it in foam, but then he sees that his mold has already been destroyed. Well, shit. So, he has to sit and resculpt the face. As if things aren't looking bad enough for Anthony, Autumn and Eric Z. can't get Anthony's chest piece open. Anthony asked Autumn to make this mold, and somehow during the pouring process, Autumn poured the foam in such a way that the mold ended up locking. 

Maggie: Oh, God! Autumn will fuck this up!

Miss Pie: Oh, there is so much fail. Autumn is going to cost him the win. She should be fired. Out of a cannon.

Maggie: Like a gerbil. 

Meanwhile at the less panicked end of the workroom, Meagan is acting as a prosthetic and paint guinea pig for Team Wayne. Eric F. sprays her with a hose to see how their paint will hold up in water. Autumn and Eric Z., however, cannot get this mold open.

Maggie: He will persevere. He is magic.


Never fear! For I am handsome!

Team Anthony finally gets this mold open. There's a little damage, but Anthony feels he can work with it.

Miss Pie: The sculpt can be saved!

Maggie: Yay! Maybe he is getting the perseverance edit!

The painting phase begins! Then it's time to head to Las Vegas. 

Our finalists get escorted to the Wynn Hotel in a rented limousine, and head up to a sickening VIP suite.

Maggie: Yay! Vegas!

Miss Pie: Does what happens there really stay there?

Maggie. No. Herpes lasts forever.

Miss Pie: Much like diamonds.

It's application day. Team Anthony, Team Wayne and Team Kris enter. Hopefully, the production team let the non-finalist worker bees sleep in the limo so they come into Day 4 refreshed. 

Hello!

Wayne gets to work sealing his appliances.  Four hours before "last looks," the Le Reve performers arrive for application.  Anthony is a little behind since he doesn't have all of the appliances done. Wayne is far behind, and it looks like he will be painting during last looks. Again. 

McKenzie enters, clad in a sparkly dress, and tells them they have one hour. So get painting.  

Maggie: She looks amazing. I want that dress.

Miss Pie: Me, too. Oh, Wayne. Not getting his paint job done again.

Maggie: I mean, how many times can you make the same mistake?

Miss Pie. I dunno. But he does it a bunch.





Woo-hoo!! It is time for the finale!! McKenzie says "amazing" a bunch, and then introduces our friendly judging panel. 


Tonight, one of you will win. Two of you will lose. And I will still be rich and beautiful.

Miss Pie: Neville! That's the other judge!

Maggie: Neville.

Miss Pie: Longbottom.

Maggie: Nah, he is way more BAMF than this Neville.

Our first creations up are from Kris. His dream thief is an amazing (see, I said it, too!) creation, totally in keeping with his chosen "ethereal" theme. I'm not feeling the Yellow McYellowtown on his female make-up, though. Together, they kind of look like mutant University of Michigan students post nuclear meltdown. Not that that's a bad thing.


Hail to the Not-Victors.

Up next, we have Anthony. The female looks like she's clad in a '60s-era Trek costume, but Anthony has a cohesive look. 

 #OrionSlaveGirlProblems

Of the three final looks, I find Wayne's the most underwhelming. His paint job is too pale and monochromatic, but his sculpting is beautiful. I like the female's costume, but the male's kind of looks like supernatural lederhosen.

The David's Bridal 2014 Netherworld Collection.

The judges go in for a closer look pre-swim, and really don't have any negative comments to make about any of the looks, which is unusual for this judging trio. And no, none of the judges is British. And now we dance!

I must say, the performance is pretty stellar. There are all these ropes and pulleys and gadgets and mid-air flips and dives and really you're just waiting for a couple of them to die so their orphaned son will grow up to be a superhero sidekick. Because that totally happens.

I could so do that. Here, hold my beer.

The performance is actually really cool. No one drowns. Everyone is happy. And now we judge you!!

Surprisingly, none of the judges has anything negative or nasty to say about any of the make-ups. Generally, there is a ton of nit-picking going on, especially from Glenn's end of the table, but the judges are very pleased with this last group of looks. Glenn creates some non-tension by saying, "The winner of Face Off " is...a commercial break. Brought to you by Neutrogena and Kristen Bell. That's the plot the Veronica Mars movie. Spoiler alert. She wins Face Off.

Back to the show. The ectopic pregnant pause continues. Glenn announces the winner is Anthony. And then the ceiling farts out some confetti.

Miss Pie: How happy are you?

Maggie: I am very pleased.

Miss Pie: Balloonz!!!

Maggie: But this was underwhelming.

Miss Pie: A Fiat is underwhelming.

Maggie: I feel like they have had better challenges. Something more specific.

Miss Pie: It was very generic.

Maggie wanted a bigger challenge. Maggie wanted Alice in Wonderland zombies. Or Tim Burton zombies. Or ZOMG YOU GUYS Downton Abbey zombies. (!!!!)

Maggie demands MOAR zombies!

Stay tuned for a new season of Face Off coming this summer to a television near you. If you are on pins and needles, head on over to the Syfy web page and check out Redemption, where eliminated contestants from Season 4 compete in 10-minute webisodes to earn a spot in the next season of Face Off. Look out, world! 


I want you to sculpt me like one of your desiccated demon mummy girls.

Face Off generally airs on Tuesdays at 9 p.m. on Syfy.

OMG THEY KILLED MATTHEW???!!!!!!!

2 comments:

Maggie Cats said...

AWESOME recap, and thank you for making me sound way more funny than I think I actually was.

Zombies are always a good idea, btw. And the last challenge was WAY underwhelming. Just because the models ended up dancing and diving into water does mean the actual thing that was created was interesting.

And that cupcake dream is still one of the best ones I have ever had.

Arsenic Pie said...

Glad you enjoyed it. You are funny. Totes.

I wonder if The Powers That Be on Syfy made a deal to plug this La Reve thing and thus were told the finalists could not make really complicated appliances due to the drowning risk.

Now that I think about it, Anthony kind of looks like Hank Venture. Not that he isn't adorable.