HBO Round-Up

 **Spoilers for the season finale of Game of Thrones and season premiere of True Blood*

It seems to defy belief that the fourth season of Game of Thrones would end and nobody here at TV Sluts would comment on it. I mean, we commented on it to other people in our daily lives, but just not to you guys. Not because we don't love you, but because you would be surprised how hard it is to coordinate the schedules of several working adults to figure out a time when an online chat can take place.

So instead of a patented TV Sluts GOT chat, you'll just have to make do with little old me, sharing some thoughts.

First thought: WOW.

This season has been my favorite by far, and not just because we are into some real meaty plot stuff, but because it is also the season that has deviated the most from the books. Not in any real substantive way, but in some amazing character moments and relationships and yes, even some minor changes in the plot.

Remember this guy from the book? YEAH, ME NEITHER.

So despite having read all the books several times, I was still on the edge of my seat throughout the finale. Scenes like the Hound. vs. Brienne throw-down (not in the book) had me filled with anxiety because I had no idea what was going to happen! That must be how watching the entire show is for others. How do y'all take the pressure??

Even when I knew what was going to happen, such as the Tyrion--Shae--Tywin scene, everything was so well done and acted that I was peeking through my fingers because of the tension. Tywin Lannister, the most powerful person in Westeros, killed by his son on the shitter....oh, excuse me, the privy. Classic.

"Lord Tywin Lannister, did not, in the end, shit gold."

I don't want to go through and just rehash the finale with comments like "wasn't that cool?!?" because the whole thing was cool. This show just keeps getting better and better, and despite all the horror, death, and pain of the fourth season, they even managed to end on a hopeful note with Arya sailing off to a new life across the sea.

*cue "awwwwws" from the crowd*

....and as they say, out with the old and in with the new! With the conclusion of Game of Throne's most recent season, we get the premiere of True Blood's seventh and final season.

It seems like I might have been the only person who was excited for the True Blood premiere. Everybody I would ask "are you watching True Blood???" would look at me weird and respond with something along the lines of, "oh, I stopped watching X number of years ago." This saddens me, because I still find the show wildly entertaining. Silly, no doubt, but still entertaining.

The season premiere last Sunday followed a typical True Blood pattern. We started off with a bang, checked in with all the characters, laid the groundwork for the season to come, and had to make due with some meh plots.

There was no waiting for the action in the premiere; we opened the show right where we left off, with a horde of hepatitis V infested vampires attacking (and kidnapping and killing) many of the poor citizens of Bon Temps.

And then....we flash over to Tara's gross mother, who, in an astounding act of grace in last season's finale, finally "fed" and "nourished" her daughter by allowing Tara to drink her blood. And Tara's mother is weeping over a big pile of vampire goo that is....Tara. Yep, apparently Tara died. And off screen!

Clean up in aisle 3. 

Of course, I immediately call bullshit. No way True Blood is going to kill a major character without some more fanfare. But then I read this article by my favorite tv author, Jacob (who used to write amazing recaps for Television Without Pity). Jacob raises the most excellent point that the show has basically shit all over Tara's character since the second season, so Tara's potential death feels more likely. Sadly. Despite Tara's kind of...I dunno, uselessness? to the overall plot aside from being the person who wanders off and gets in trouble or yells at everyone a lot, I've always liked the character. Probably because the actress does such a great job, but still. Tara deserved better. 

Though like I said...if she ends up coming back in some fashion, I definitely won't be surprised.

The episode set things up nicely for the season: all the show's most annoying characters are locked in the Fangtasia basement getting eaten one by one by the infected vampires. Sookie is still making stupid decisions (wandering off in a huff when she KNOWS there is a pack of evil vampires close by) but somehow still being awesome and banging Alcide so at least girlfriend has made one good choice. Jessica is quickly becoming one of my favorites through her bravery in protecting half-fairy Adilyn, Andy has shown some of the best character development in the last seven years of any character I can think of, Bill is....well nobody really cares about Bill, right? Except his book does sound like something I would TOTALLY read.

This is totally my next book club pick. My Mom is gonna love it.

There are more characters and subplots then you can shake a stick at, but it seems like this year True Blood has finally hit upon a main story that affects everyone on the show and is driving everyone towards related goals. Except for one notable exception.

Pam spent the premiere wandering around "exotic foreign" backlot sets in her search for Erik. We haven't seen hide (and what a nice hide it is) nor hair of him since he burst into flames on the side of a Swedish mountain last year. I love that Pam is looking for him, especially after he released her from the maker bond, but dear god, I am already bored with this plot.

Bring Erik back. NOW.

But that one flaw aside, I am very excited for what the final season holds. I haven't read the Sookie Stackhouse books so have no idea how things end up there and no expectations or hopes for how things end up on the tv show. As always with True Blood, the best strategy is just to enjoy the ride. Silly as it may be.

Erik is always starting fires. IN MY PANTS.

Summer Lovin'

Oh, Summer. You fickle bitch.

As a kid, we waited with breathless anticipation for Summer to roll around and free us from chains of public education. But as adults...it means arriving at work having sweat through your clothes on the walk from the subway, trying to remember to slather yourself in sunblock so you don't look like Baba Yaga, and realizing that there is nothing good on television.

Sure, over on BBC America you've got Orphan Black and In the Flesh. And True Blood will be starting up again over on HBO. But not everyone has BBCA or HBO. But most people have Netflix streaming these days, right? So I humbly make the following suggestions for you to help take away the sting (if not the swelter) of those Summer nights.

--Orange is the New Black, obviously (the just released second season or heck, rewatch the first).

--The original version of House of Cards. I actually prefer the British miniseries trilogy to the current Kevin Spacey one (though I love it too).

--Alias. The wigs. The kicking of ass. Bradley Cooper before he was famous. And the inevitable slide into a plot so convoluted and confusing that even watching the episodes back to back you won't know what the hell is going on. But it will be a fun ride.

--Friday Night Lights. It may not be football season until the Fall, but you can get your fix here--whether it's for football or an amazing drama and one of my personal faves.

--Freaks and Geeks. Because, duh.

--Lillyhammer, another Netflix original you might not have heard of. An ex-gangster moves to Norway and awesome is the result.

--Ally McBeal. Is she as skinny and crazy as you remember? Yes.

And that's just the tip of the ice berg. I just spent some time scrolling through the Netflix offerings and saw TONS of good stuff. On my personal viewing list this summer: Breaking Bad, Sons of Anarchy, and then maybe something lighter to break up all that violence and angst. Perhaps Ugly Betty?

The Wheaton, The Bad, The...Well, It's Syfy

So. The Syfy Channel.

It's come as kind of a surprise to me that the network that has supposedly devoted itself to all things science fiction and fantasy has somehow been epically failing at cashing in on the rise of the nerd culture trend. Since the end of the critically acclaimed Battlestar Galactica, the network has been in the throes of a massive identity crisis, oscillating between low-budget sci-fi niche shows, trashy reality programming, and oh, yes, SHARKNADO.

Free Willy!!!!

Although the first season of Defiance was reasonably successful, the silly but sometimes watchable Warehouse 13 and Eureka have gone off the air, and Syfy canceled Alphas, which was their best post-Galactica original series to date, and they essentially canceled Being Human. Syfy has, for the most part, seemed like a post-adolescent urban hipster experimenting with his facial hair -- one week, it's a waxed Edwardian mustache, and the next week, the cast of Opposite Worlds is chainsawing its way out of a shark abdomen. Just whatever you do, Syfy audience, don't think too hard. 

Next week, these two giant robots are going up against my hair gel!

They tried battling robots and they tried a nerd Jersey Shore. All to no avail.

The execs at Syfy, who clearly hate anything that is science fiction or fantasy, have finally rolled over and made their peace. They've given their demographic what they have always truly wanted in the depths of their soul.

Our market research and focus groups indicate... Fuck it. Just give Wil Wheaton a show.

THEY GAVE WIL WHEATON A SHOW.

My own show? So I can get wasted and crash it into shit? Rockin!

Okay, okay. Calm down. Clearly, The Wil Wheaton Project is an attempt to cash in on snarky clip shows like The Soup and Tosh.0, but this is a concept from non-nerd cable networks that might actually resonate with the Syfy audience.

Basically, the concept is The Soup. Wil Wheaton, actor, blogger, tabletop gamer, and fine purveyor of geek culture,  is your guide through the wild and wacky world of explicit threesomes on Salem and Game of Thrones.  I've watched the first couple episodes that have aired and it's what one would expect from the Master of Snark. Wil shows clips of various science fiction and fantasy shows that can be found across the network spectrum, and rightfully skewers them in ways that they totally deserve (yes, I'm looking at you, Dracula). The only problem with this show methinks is convincing people to watch.  Although the execs at Syfy have apparently given Wil free rein to take pot-shots at their less-than-stellar offerings, I'm not so certain that members of Wheaton Nation would want to willingly go watch Syfy. He's got clips aplenty, and the show has potential, but I think TWWP needs a bigger budget, more guest appearances, and more Drunk Neil DeGrasse Tyson.  

Wil Wheaton is a really funny guy. As I previously mentioned, he was quite hilarious on buddy Chris Hardwick's Comedy Central show, @midnight, but the show might benefit from more writers and more nerd jokes. There should also be more guest stars. He had on staples like Felicia Day and his BFF Hardwick, but I'd like to see more guests like maybe Carrie Fisher or Patrick Stewart. 

Please watch. As Wil himself said, "Or they'll replace me with redneck ghost hunters." Truth.

On that note, shall we move on to a Syfy show that has been inexplicably renewed for a second season, Heroes of Cosplay?

I'm just going to say that I am not a cosplayer and haven't been, really, since elementary school Halloween parties. Okay, there was that one time I came out of retirement and dressed up like Penelope Clearwater for Halloween, but other than that, I, as a grown adult, do not dress myself up in costumes and go to conventions with the aim of winning prizes. Obviously, I'm looking at this show as an outsider, so let me give my objective opinion. 

Basically, the premise of Heroes of Cosplay is...um...Toddlers and Tiaras? I guess? It's supposed to be a documentary reality series about cosplayers who create their own costumes and go to conventions in the hopes that they will win prize money in the costume competitions. That doesn't sound like a bad way to spend a Saturday, amirite? Well, I have some qualms. 

First off, I don't understand the name of this show. Why are they "heroes" of cosplay? There's nothing particularly heroic about any of these people. I watched episodes from the first season here and there, but I got fed up with the histrionics of one of the female "stars" in particular, who appeared to wait until the last minute to finish her costume and then yelled at her boyfriend, whom she'd forced into helping her. There is a lot of un-heroic procrastination and bitchiness coming from several of the featured cosplayers, I can't tell if the production team is editing the episodes to make it look like they are running out of time before the convention, or if these "heroes," who claim to be semi-professional cosplayers, actually do wait until the last minute to finish their costumes, and they are total nightmares to their significant others and friends in the process. In which case, I have to ask, don't they know better? It seems like they're shooting themselves in the foot trying to create all this drama. The only one who seems to have her shit together is Yaya Han. According to the show, Han is a cosplayer whose costume creations and social media presence have enabled her to have a career as a professional cosplayer. Of course, she isn't really competing so much as she is judging and attempting to mentor her friends and fellow cosplayers.

Other mentors features this season include Brian Henson, of Jim Henson's Creature Shop Challenge. It's nice to see him on the show and his insight is interesting, and the inclusion of the mentors this season is a good improvement. But it doesn't really do much to diminish the cosplayers' narcissism and the fact that they act like cosplay is serious as bubonic plague, but the show makes it look like they procrastinate to finish their costumes on time. 

You guys, the cognitive dissonance is killing me. If you're going to throw your costume together in the hotel room and and assemble it with hot glue and hope it says together with a lick and a prayer (and PVC pipe), and then realize your shiz is scratched so you run out to buy paint at Walgreen's before it's time for you to go on stage, you might as well rename your show Heroes of Costco. Or Home Depot. Or something non-heroic. 

Also, who is judging these competitions? I don't go to cons, as I said, and I see some of the costumes that are chosen for prizes, and others that are overlooked, and I can't really understand why some costumes win big prizes and others get nada. Perhaps new judges are in order?

Darling, you rang?

The show isn't terrible, but it's also not that great, either. The most interesting part of the entire program is when they are at the conventions and they reveal their costumes, but there is a whole lotta unnecessary lead-up to get to that point. I think the producers could do something more interesting with the rest of the time other than trying to create fake dramatic filler. 

Ironically, the "extras" that are featured on the show's Syfy site are actually kind of interesting and perhaps they ought to be included in the broadcast. If they showed the elements of costume construction and how-tos, instead of "OMG I MAILED MY COSTUME TO MYSELF AND IT'S NOT HERE YET"  'twould be more compelling programming. I think that is where part of the success of Face/Off comes from. On Face/Off, contestants are given two or three days to finish a project on their own or in teams, from start to finish. On Cosplay, it seems like the "heroes" have an unlimited amount of time to finish their costumes. They're not under any actual time constraints that they haven't created themselves, and even those seem disingenuous. 

I do feel that they should put more emphasis on the costumes and costume construction and less on creating fake drama. The costumes people come up with are actually pretty cool, and they are the best part of the show. I really enjoyed the Skeksis costume that one of the cosplayers created, but it of course did not win a prize. IT'S WATER FOWL, PEOPLE. Like what the actual hell?

I really do feel like this show is a rip-off of Toddlers and Tiaras. Um, Syfy? YOU'RE RIPPING OFF TODDLERS AND TIARAS.

What's next, Syfy? Nerd brides planning the perfect nerd wedding? Nerd-themed cake competition? The exploits of a child redneck cosplayer and her family's sci-fi/fantasy-themed struggle against generational poverty and diabetes? I just.

Okay, it may appear as though she is about to devour you alive, but I applaud her use of proper headbanding.

Info about both shows available at syfy.com. 

You can also follow Wil and Anne Wheaton's cats on Twitter.

A Deliciously Disturbing Meal

You guys.  You guys!  You watched Hannibal, right?  RIGHT???  The season finale actually occurred the other week while I was, as Arsenic Pie termed it, decamped to parts unknown, but finally caught up now that I am back home.  And damn.  That’s how you do a season finale. 

"I feel like this won't end well for all of us..."

We’ve talked about Hannibal here a couple of times in the past.  It remains the show that I am continually most flummoxed by on television if only because I have no idea how it is that this show is airing on network TV and has not yet been pulled by the censors or cancelled by the network.  Hannibal is artful in its presentation of murder.  It spends just as much time focused on the presentation and styling of the cinematically murdered dead bodies as it does on the cuisine.  The fact that it often merges those two worlds is completely intentional.  This is, after all, a show about a serial-killing cannibal. 

Creator Bryan Fuller is known for highly stylized television (he’s the mind behind Wonderfalls¸ Pushing Daisies, and Dead Like Me) but that style tends to be hyper-saturated and fairytale-like.  Hannibal, by contrast, is just as visually stylized but is far more grounded in the real world.  All those whimsical colors are de-saturated and made cold and steel-y.  The visual representations of Will’s inner mind, including the frightening representations of the Stag Monster that Will sees as the emblem of his relationship with Hannibal and his own growing inner madness, are muted, dark and disorienting to say nothing of the insanely creative and visually stunning ways in which people die on this show, which has included a human body being made into a string instrument so that the killer can "play" the body's vocal chords with a bow and bodies with the skin of their backs flayed and then displayed like wings while the bodies are posed like angels.  I mention all of this because these aspects of the show came into pitch-perfect place during season two’s finale.

Human being grown into a tree. That...can't feel good.  

For those needing a brief catch-up, Hannibal the show has been following the early years of Hannibal Lector (Mads Mikkelsen) during his time as a respected psychologist, aesthete, and member of Baltimore society.  His friend, FBI profiler Jack Crawford (Laurence Fishburne) uses Hannibal to care for Will Graham (Hugh Dancy), a fellow profiler who is uncanny in his ability to understand killers but whose ability to do so has made him emotionally and mentally vulnerable.  Of course, turning Will over to Hannibal Lector for safe keeping is like asking the Republican Party to watch after women’s rights initiatives.  Which is to say, Hannibal is essentially on a psychological feeding frenzy with Will, distorting him throughout season one and manipulating him into his own deranged psyche.  

Season two follows Will’s descent into madness and suspicion that his friend is not the kindly man we believe, but instead is “The Chesapeake Ripper”, a serial killer known for a highly inventive and poetic murdering style. At the start of season two, Will has been incarcerated in a mental institution based on Hannibal’s convincing the FBI into believing that Will is the Ripper.  Will is eventually released and begins a dangerous game of cat and mouse with Hannibal, trying to convince him that he has become Hannibal’s protégé and is, like Hannibal, a superior being able to murder and maim just as poetically and meaningfully. All the while, Will is playing double-agent by working with Jack Crawford to bring Hannibal to justice.  Or is he? 

Will’s madness and instability is a key theme throughout the season and it’s left mostly ambiguous as to whether or not Will is truly working with Jack or has become an honest to God killer like Hannibal is training him to be.  The back and forth culminates in a season finale where everything comes to a head – Jack confronts Hannibal in his home, attempting to bring him down but in the process is attacked by Hannibal and possibly left to die from a mortal stab to the neck in Hannibal’s own pantry.  Fellow psychologist and sometimes-friend to Will Alana Bloom is shoved out of an upper story window in Hannibal’s home and left to die, broken and bleeding in the rain on the sidewalk.  Will himself is stabbed by Hannibal and, you guessed it, left to die in the kitchen (of all places) after coming clean about his attempt to bring Hannibal in.  Hannibal himself displays what might be the most unhinged moments of his life as we’ve seen them so far in this series, clearly hurt by the betrayal of Will whom he has come to invest so much in.  “I gave you a precious gift,” Hannibal tells a dying Will, “but you didn’t want it.”  The homoeroticism of Hannibal’s attack on Will, the intermingling of their relationship with each other, and the almost tenderness with which Hannibal carries out his final sentencing on Will is one of the reasons why I am amazed this show is still on the air.

Subtext entirely intended.

Season two ends with Hannibal leaving his own home as three of our main characters lie extremely close to death behind him.  Hannibal walks off into a cleansing rain, away from the police who are about to arrive and discover exactly what has gone down.  His life under the radar is over; Hannibal knows this.  And so our final shot is of him fleeing on an airplane to France with a surprising traveling companion: Dr. Bedelia Du Maurier, his own therapist who had previously been open with Will about her beliefs that Hannibal was dangerous and Will innocent of the crimes he was accused of.  Why Bedelia is on that plane and why she smiles so lovingly at Hannibal in the final shot given how clearly terrified she has been of him throughout the season is one of the mysteries that Fuller has promised we will learn in season three.

A special note about Bedelia Du Maurier – she’s played by Gillian Anderson at her iciest.  Everything about Anderson’s concept of this character, a mysterious former colleague of Hannibal who has been seeing him as her only patient after being attacked herself at some point in her past by another patient, is dead on.  Everything about her communicates a frozen person, from her almost white-blond hair that never moves to her slow, controlled walk.  This is a woman who has been traumatized and is so terrified that she’s concluded the only way to stay safe is to remain utterly still.  Anderson is an amazing actress and manages to make that iciness come off as damage, rather than bitchiness.

But at least she has a well-apportioned kitchen?

Hannibal will definitely be back next year and I already can’t wait.  The focus will reportedly be on Will Graham’s hunt for Hannibal, leading into the events from the books that fans of the characters will already know.  (The first book about Hannibal Lector, Red Dragon, is set after the events we’ve seen so far in Hannibal with the most famous volume, Silence of the Lambs, occurring after that.  Fuller has said that the show has a plan to include the events of both of those stories, including that most famous compatriot of the good Dr. Lector, Clarice Starling.)  Hannibal probably isn’t one of those shows that I can tell you to start watching if you’re not already inclined – the disturbing visuals coupled with the general concept are high bars for folk who aren’t particularly interested in this genre.  But if you can stomach (heh) the concept, the show is so well worth the watching that you won’t regret the attempt. 

When you were a kid, your mom likely told you just to try a few bites of the food on your plate before you could say you didn’t like it.  Appropriately enough, the same is true for Hannibal. 

Days of FuturePast: The Hour and The Bletchley Circle

So, with it being Memorial Day and all, I thought I'd take a televised road trip with ya'll and highlight two great BBC dramas set in the post-WWII era. Since it's now the unofficial official start of summer, this may be a good time to get some shows queued up for your summer watching.

No, not that 50s. This 50s.

That one. The one where everyone had a push-up bra and smoking was sexy and cool and didn't cause a bunch of cancer. Also, no one wore black-framed glasses ironically. Oh, the good ole days. 

I have waxed philosophic about The Hour before and how it was SO GOOD and then BBC canceled it because ugh. Never fear. Our modern space age era allows us to access moving pictures and television programs at the touch of a button like never before, all thanks to humanity's ability to harness the power of nuclear energy. Well, really it's electromagnetism, but I did want to sound like one of those announcer guys from the 50s.

Plus also:

Clip art!

Okay, so. The Hour. Seriously, this show is da bomb. (See above.) I binge watched all of the episodes about a year ago, and I have been hoping since then that Netflix would make the show available on instant streaming, but it is alas still only available on DVD.  However, it is available on Amazon Instant Video. Originally airing on the States on BBC America, The Hour dramatizes a fictional BBC news and information program entitled (you guessed it), The Hour. Don't ask. It's meta.

It features Romola Garai (Atonement, Vanity Fair, Daniel Deronda) as Bel Rowley, professional news lady and producer of The Hour (the show within the show, not the show show.) Her partner in crime is her bestie bestie (and maybe boyfriend if she could only stop screwing married men), Freddie Lyon, portrayed by the adorbzabear Ben Whishaw (Bright Star, Brideshead Revisited, Skyfall). Freddie is a truth-seeking journalist and co-presenter of the hour, along with Hector Madden (Dominic West). Hector is less of a truth-seeking journalist and more of a man whore. Hector has an affair with Bel, much to the humiliation of Hector's wife, Marnie (Oona Chaplin, really, yes, that Chaplin).

Freddie is totally in love with Bel, but Bel has friendzoned him, although it's clear from their working and platonic relationship that they should be a couple. In the mean time, Freddie sets out to uncover corruption in the British Parliament and PM's office, overturning secrets that are being kept at the highest levels of the incredibly paranoid UK government. His crusading puts both his life and the survival of The Hour in jeopardy. There are spies and all types of intrigue. Also featured are Anna Chancellor (if you remember your 1995 P&P, she threw shade at Lizzie Bennett as Caroline Bingley) and Peter Capaldi as the Season 2 Head of News. (Thaaaat's where I've seen him before.)

This show is smart, sexy, well-written, and engrossing. It had a following in the US, but BBC canceled it after two seasons. :Sadface: It would be nice if someone else would pick it up and make more episodes. I won't give away too much, but Season 2 ends on a cliffhanger and it was the cast's understanding that they would be tying up the loose ends when the execs at The Beeb brought down the ax. There's no reason why BBC America couldn't take up the reins and make a few more episodes. What does a girl have to do to see Bel and Freddie get together?

Is your "I Like Ike" button tingling? Well, that means it's time to discuss The Bletchley Circle.

Now, we all know the British are known for their great muhhhhder mysteries. There is so much murder in Britain, and so many clever people to solve said murders. Bletchley features a quartet of ladies who worked as Nazi code breakers at the top secret Bletchley Park during World War II. During the post-war period, they've found themselves without much to do because if a lady gets it into her pretty little head that she has a knack for puzzles and things, well then she's really not that content to sit at home and discover new ways with Spam.

Set in 1952 and starring the always awesome Anna Maxwell Martin (Becoming Jane, Bleak House, Philomena) as  Susan Gray, a London housewife who sets things in motion when she realizes that a string of murders she has been reading about in the Times shows a distinct pattern. Not taken seriously by Scotland Yard or even by her own husband, Susan becomes convinced that she can crack the pattern's code and find the killer. She enlists the help of her old Bletchley friends, who have found life rather dull after after their time spent cracking Nazi codes on Enigma machines and whatnot. Susan's friends -- Millie (Rachel Sterling), Lucy (Sophie Rundle), and Jean (Julie Graham) -- have, like Susan, had to keep their wartime activities to themselves and so must for the most part confine themselves to 1950s gender roles.

Girl, don't even think I don't have a tire iron in my dainty handbag.

Series 1 aired on PBS Stateside in 2013 and is available on Netflix streaming. Series 2 saw the departure of Martin's character, and the introduction of a new member of the circle, Alice, portrayed by Hattie Morahan (Elinor in Sense and Sensibility, 2008), a former Bletchley worker who finds herself in trouble with the law. 

I find the Brits tend to have a good grasp on the mystery and suspense drama, and if you're looking for something with some strong female leads, I'd encourage anyone to tune in. Series 2 is available on on Amazon Prime. 

Series 2 just finished airing on PBS, but if your fallout shelter has wifi, the series is available for binge watching online.

Now with wireless internet! And in technicolor! Spamdandy!

The British Be Invadin

As Clovis and Maggie Cats have decamped for parts unknown, I felt it behooved yours truly to update all of you lovely people about the programs I have been spending my time watching instead of keeping up with Mad Men. (It's on my DVR, chickens! Fear not.) I thought perhaps you lovelies all thought I had shut myself in my apartment, huddled in blankets, binge watching Call the Midwife while eating cookies and cream gelato directly out of the pint. Me? Do such a thing? So, I thought I would keep you abreast of what I had been up to TV-wise.

I've been watching the hell out of Call the Midwife.

My dudes, this show gets me right in the feels. Now having completed its third, yes, third season, the BBC One drama has seen some major changes occur in the lives of the young midwives and the nuns of Nonnatus House. The most significant event of Season 3 is that Jessica Raine, who portrays the late Jennifer (Lee) Worth (on whose memoirs the show is based) has said goodbye to the series in the hopes of finding greener pastures elsewhere in some absurd little backwater known as Hollywood. After three seasons of filming graphic births, Raine is ready to move on to new challenges and new roles. Jenny starts a new job at a Marie Curie cancer hospital, working with terminally ill patients, and she begins her life with Philip Worth.  However, her departure does not mean the end of the series. BBC has renewed Call the Midwife for Season 4, starting in 2015. Like all good ensemble shows, Call the Midwife has done a fine job of developing its supporting characters, so there is plenty of interest in Chummy, Trixie, Cynthia, kind Sister Julienne, BAMF Sister Evangelina and batty Sister Monica Joan. 

RIGHT IN THE FEELZ!

If you watched all of Season 2 and the Christmas special, you will know that Sister Bernadette has thrown off her habit like she is Maria Fucking Von Trapp, and gotten herself married to Dr. Turner. She dyed her hair and went back to being called Shelagh and she is all kinds of prosh. Dr. Turner and Shelagh were being all kinds of improperly flirty in Season 1 and it's nice to see that relationship come to a successful conclusion. However, Shelagh discovers that her bout with tuberculosis during Season 2 has left scar tissue on her lady bits and she is told that it is unlikely that she will be able to conceive a child.

The show also shifted focus this season somewhat away from Jenny's personal life and more on the personal lives of Trixie and Chummy. Chummy has a bittersweet reconciliation with her posh mum, and she tries to become a Modern Lady, attempting to balance marriage and family with a career. And Trixie starts dating A VICAR. 

Go on with your bad self, Trixie.

I'm sure there will be more development of Cynthia, and the producers have introduced two new characters: Sister Winifred, direct from the Mother House, and new midwife Patsy. 

Call the Midwife is a huge hit in the UK and I encourage all of you duckies to tune in. The guys on this show are so hot. Even Dr. Turner is sexy for an old dude. Seasons 1 and 2 are available via Netflix streaming and through Netflix DVD. Generally, it airs Sunday nights at 8 EST on PBS. 

Next in PBS news (I'm not frontin or nothin; I watch a lot of PBS) is Mr. Selfridge.

 I'm actually glad I gave this show another shot. It's done the opposite of what Downton Abbey has done -- Mr. Selfridge started out weak and it's getting stronger. The shows are pretty comparable, and I do think Mr. Selfridge is a much better show at this point. Season 1 began in 1909, and Season 2 has moved forward in pastfuturetime to 1914, and addresses the outbreak of World War I. Harry (Jeremy Piven) and Rose (Frances O'Connor) Selfridge have stopped cheating on each other with really scary stalker people and are trying to rebuild their marriage. Since the show moved five years into the future, the role of Gordon Selfridge has been recast with an older actor (now portrayed by Greg Austin) and Harry sets the lad to work in the store, starting in the stock room and moving up to the perfume counter, where he begins a flirt with a young shopgirl. D'aww. 

With the outbreak of war, Harry attempts to break into the British establishment by using his money and connections to secure a seat on the Procurement Committee. He runs into a roadblock in the form of Lord Loxley, who dislikes Harry on a personal level. The Procurement Committee is dismissive of Harry's attempts to break into the British aristocracy because he is of low birth and American and all that jazz.

Focusing more on the ensemble cast and their personal struggles has allowed the characters to become more fully fleshed out, and in many cases, more likeable. Case in point is Mae Loxley (Katherine Kelly), who during Season 1 was a very cougary vampy person, but this season has revealed that the formerly MIA Lord Loxley is a TOTAL fucking asshole and I kept wishing for Mae to push him down the stairs.

Just you wait, my dears. 

There has also been a bit more focus on Store Ginger, Kitty Hawkins (Amy Beth Hayes), late of ladies' accessories. Kitty is now Miss Mardle's assistant, and she gets to boss the junior accessories assistants. Her character has revealed itself to be less catty and much more amiable, likely due to her character maturing, and through her burgeoning relationship with newspaper man Frank Edwards (British mainstay Samuel West). All workplace dramas need a ginger. Fact.

And then I told him I never wanted to speak to him again. I think I'm in love!

The title may be Mr. Selfridge, but the star of the show is, and always has been, Agnes Towler (Aisling Loftus). Agnes returns from her design studies in Paris and takes over as head of design.  There, she must contend with the jealousy of wannabe rival in ladies' fashion, the bitchy Mr. Thackeray. Agnes is also conflicted due to the return from America of her former lovvvvaaahhh, Henri LeClair (Grégory Fitoussi) because, in his absence, she has grown closer to Victor Corleone. Agnes realizes she must choose between one of her suitors, and compounding her work and personal stress is the fact that her brother, George, is one of the very first to sign up for active military duty. Oh, the dramz.

Oui!

The adorable Miss Mardle (Amanda Abbington) receives two life bonuses this season, while Mr. Grove continues to be a clueless douche. If you haven't noticed, and you should, Amanda Abbington also appears on Sherlock as Mary Morstan, and she is totes Martin Freeman's lady friend in real life. She is just wonderful on Mr. Selfridge, and if you haven't tuned in, you should.

We'll mad your men. And sell it a sturdy pair of boots.

Seriously, this show has gotten under my skin. The first few episodes of the first season are melodramatic and silly, but this season has made up for it in spades. If you're looking for a British costume drama that has the bells and whistles of Downton Abbey, but with better writing and a perfume counter, I very much encourage you to get on board with Mr. Selfridge. The show's home network, ITV, has renewed it for a third season. Mr. Selfridge normally airs around 9 p.m. EST Sundays on PBS. Some episodes are available for streaming on PBS.org.

The next ensemble of which I speak is BBC America's Brit-Can-Am Orphan Black, which is an entirely different kind of ensemble show altogether.

My dudes, this show is crack. I can't say too much about the season thus far without revealing major spoilers. 

Cosima (Tatiana Maslany) is working for the Dyad Institute, but the symptoms of her mysterious illness begin to worsen. Sarah (Tatiana Maslany) searches for answers about Mrs. S's involvement in Project LEDA. We learn more about pro-clone Rachel (Tatiana Maslany), and Helena (Tatiana Maslany) survived being shot by Sarah, but was abducted by some creepy International House of Prayer culty science people. Alison (Tatiana Maslany) turns into a pill popper due to her guilt over Ainsley's death, and the fact that she's finally realized that her husband, bumbling, oafish Donny, is in fact her monitor.

Canadian actress Tatiana Maslany (Tatiana Maslany) deserves some kind of acting Olympic gold medal. Much has been said about her performance  and it all bears repeating. Her portrayal of each of the clones is so mesmerizing and utterly believable that you really do forget that Cosima, Rachel, Sarah, Alison, and Helena are all played by the same actress, and the illusion goes far beyond wardrobe, make-up, and hair. 

Orphan Black airs Saturday nights on BBC America at 9 p.m. EST. Netflix for some odd reason does not have this available for streaming, but they do have Season 1 on DVD.

TV Sluts: Live! And in Person!

Clovis originally wrote the beginning of this post...and then had to leave town for work. *sad trombone* So I'm actually posting it (I'm = Maggie Cats) and writing the introduction to the introduction. Got it?

Oh, whatever. Just go with it.

Clovis:

Two things happened this week that are both rare and heavenly: Haley’s comet will make a pass-by to earth (no visuals, but there was a meteor shower!) and three of the TV Sluts managed to find ourselves in the same room at the same time. What did we do? Watch television, natch.

Damn, those are some good-looking tv bloggers. From left to right: Arsenic Pie, Maggie Cats, and Clovis.

Arsenic Pie, Maggie Cats and I all caught the first two episodes of Salem, WGN’s bloody and provocative new thriller set in Salem, Massachusetts during the infamous witch trials. How is it? Well, it ain’t your father’s Crucible, that’s for sure.

Salem covers the real history of the witch trials in only the broadest of strokes, something we should frankly expect from a show that takes one of the most poignant episodes of the real horrors of fear-mongering and suspicion in early American history and goes, “yeah, but sexy witches are totally more fun, right?”

Obviously the show places fast and loose with the facts, but fans of history and Arthur Miller will recognize some of the high points – In this incarnation, we see the events through the eyes of John Alden, a soldier who has recently returned to Salem after a long time as a POW in an Indian camp, to find Salem has become a hotbed of witchy activity. John Alden is not to be confused with John Proctor, the upstanding moralist in Arthur Miller’s play, but in real life is one of the contemporaries who wrote about the witch trials and thus how we know many details about that event. (Fun fact, he’s also my great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great-grandfather. True story.)

So who’s leading this sudden upsurge in witchery? Unbeknownst to everyone but us viewers, it is Mary Sibley, John’s former love who has married into wealth and power in his absence and apparently also developed a taste for witchcraft after having a magical abortion in the woods. Yes, you read that right – this show doesn’t just go there, it has a summer home there plus a timeshare with options on New Year’s. In the first two episodes alone we see Mary’s demon abortion, apparitions of an Old Hag attacking a teenage girl, a demon orgy in the woods that looked like something out of evil Burning Man, a frog that is repeatedly expelled and shoved back into a man’s body, and a broomstick appropriated to a use that is far from its traditional expectation.

Watching Salem is kind of like this.

In short, Salem is what American Horror Story: Coven should have been – utterly crazy, completely unafraid of gore and terror, and willing to go the extra mile to bring the squicky and the sexy into the same room with each other. I make no secret of how much I enjoy watching train wreck shows – for that reason alone, I’m going to keep up with this one. But what did the other TV Sluts think of it? Take it away, Ladies…


Arsenic Pie:

Will you all think less of me if I say that I liked Salem? I didn't like it in an "OMG this is so thought-provoking and riveting" way, but I liked it in more of an, "OMG. This is so awesomely ridiculous that I cannot look away" way.

Aside from the completely anachronistic "I call bullshit" line from our hero, John Alden, I was interested in how the show mixed fantasy with actual events. It's an interesting take to say, "No, there were legit witches in real actual Salem doing all kinds of bad in order to get rid of people they didn't like" instead of the intense Arthur Miller "Joe McCarthy is an asshole" theme. I think that we are more familiar with the latter, and with the teenage Abigail Williams as the primary accuser. I'm not actually sure which character in the show is supposed to correspond with which character in The Crucible and which character in The Crucible corresponds to real life. I will defer to Clovis on that point.

I am more familiar with the play (English major what) than I am with the actual people in Salem. The Crucible was Arthur Miller's own particular brand of fan fiction, and he took people from the real trials and put them in his play but I'm not really sure how that translates to historical fact. Giles Corey, a character on Salem, appears in the Miller play, as does Brigid Bishop, who I believe at least gets a mention. In the play, Mercy Lewis is just one of the little nasty Salem accuser girls and not the one who is "bewitched" and it's Betty Parris who becomes bewitched. So, I did like that they changed things around. The play does rather beat one over the head with its morality stick whereas the show is morally ambiguous. Also, there are a lot of gross-out moments on Salem, which, sadly, there is a deplorable lack of in The Crucible.

ANYWAY, Salem also diverges from The Crucible in that its protagonist and primary accuser is a grown-up LADY, Mary (forgot her last name). In The Crucible, obviously it is the teen bitch-whore Abigail Williams. Mary, the only inexplicably English and posh colonist in Salem, was a member of the poorz and a SCARLET WOMAN because she was having RELATIONS with John Alden and she became pregnant. Enter her BFF Tituba (who is never hot in The Crucible, but she's gotten a teevee makeover), who is a witch and she convinces Mary to give up her baby to the forest in exchange for what turns out to be social elevation. Mary ends up married to some really old man, but no fear. She totally keeps him under wraps BY SHOVING A MAGICAL FROG DOWN HIS THROAT to keep him quiet. Mary's entire agenda is to punish the swells of Salem for keeping her down all those years, and I am pretty sure she's hoping that the witchy folk can take over Salem and build like Hogwarts or something. Anyway, she's a horrible human being.

I think the most interesting character thus far is Anne Hale, who is the daughter of Reverend Hale. She is both UPPITY and FORWARD, and is not content to work on her sampler. Oh, no. Girl wants to hit on John Alden and draw photos in the graveyard. Shocking. I think there's a lot of growth potential for her character, but her arc is a bit predictable at this stage. Cotton Mather, who leads the witchcraft investigation (legit -- how was that ever a thing?), is kind of an idiot and a hypocrite at this point, albeit hot, so I would like to see some more development with his character. As for John Alden -- I don't know. He just kind of reminds me of Russell Crowe.

Survey says: I think I will keep up with it unless it completely jumps the rails. Well, I think it already sort of went off the rails, so if it goes off further into Dracula land, I may give up on it. It kind of reminds me of Sleepy Hollow in the sense that it's mixing historical events with fantasy while being aware that the show is kind of silly.


Maggie Cats:

You guys. This show is crazy. And by that I mean crazy awesome. But seriously, it's also just crazy. The first two episodes alone fulfilled my "WTF" quota for probably the next 6 months. It's like somebody went into my brain and plucked out all the things I wished a show would be but was too embarrassed to admit, even to myself.

I went into Salem with no prior knowledge; I can't remember if we ever read The Crucible in my high school (we must have, right?) and I don't think I ever saw the movie with Winona. The actual Salem witch trials never really featured heavily in my interests, despite the fact that I was a History major with a semi-focus on early America. So I can't speak to the, ahem, historical accuracy of the events...though I am pretty certain that the Salem witches weren't real witches, so from my perspective the show can basically dowhatever the hell it wants. AND I LOVE IT.

Clovis described it as a train wreck, but I tend to disagree. Unlike American Horror Story, which basically throws every ridiculous plot device at the screen and sees if anything sticks, Salem unfolds in such a way that I think the writers know exactly what they are doing. The plot may be insane, but it doesn't feel random. Sure there's buckets of blood, sex, demons, and all the other good stuff, but it none of it feels out of place in the world the writers have created. And yet, it still manages to shock and surprise.

In short, Salem is not for the faint of heart. But if you enjoy the macabre, the surreal, and adult themes (i.e. sexy times!), and aren't squeamish, I think Salem might be the show for you. You know us TV Sluts will be watching.

Our impression of the banner at the top of the blog. 

Salem airs on WGN America (check local listings for stations) on Sundays at 10:00pm EST.

Penny Not Quite Dreadful But Working On It Maybe?

Obviously, I am a friend to the supernatural horror television show.  If your premise involves humans fighting scary monsters, possibly with some snark or at least a heavy amount of innovative production design, I’m probably your guy.   So I’ve been intrigued by Showtime’s upcoming series Penny Dreadful, which has been so shrouded in mystery that no one even really knew what it was about other than that it looked vaguely Victorian and possibly a little steampunk-y. Thankfully for those of us who don’t have Showtime, you can stream the entire first episode over on YouTube right now and check it out for yourself. Or you can read my blog post! (Hint: do the second one.)

So what is Penny Dreadful about?  Even after watching the first episode, it’s hard to say.  Essentially, it’s London in 1891.  American Ethan Chandler (Josh Hartnet) is running a travelling Wild West themed show that’s mostly bullshit when he is conscripted by Mysterious Woman Vanessa Ives (Eva Green) to help her with a job that’s going to require his uncanny skill with a pistol.  The job turns out to be invading an opium den where the goings on aren’t exactly of this earth.  Before we know it, our American is drawn into a world of monsters and maybe possibly ghosts but certainly tarot cards and it’s all going to be extremely Victorian.  There’s a lot going on here, so let’s unpack it properly, shall we?

"Wot's awl this then, Guv'nor?"

The Good

First, the production design.  Great Muppety Odin does this show look slick.  The costumes are lavish, the sets are beautiful if a little too bare (this was Victorian London, after all – the culture that never met an extra piece of furniture it wouldn’t cram into a room the size of a closet), and the makeup and special effects are appropriately gory and queasy.  There's no shortage of sewn-together flesh, mangled limbs, and dark red splatters against those good old London bricks, but for all the blood, we still never feel like we're veering too far into the torture-porn territory of modern horror movies. 

Second, the source material.  This show is drawing from every Victorian horror trope you can think of.  Imagine Van Helsing or Hansel & Gretl: Witch Hunters but without the camp factor and taking itself more seriously.  Your mileage may vary on this, but if you’re a fan of old school literary horror, you’re definitely going to find something in here you like.  Likewise, you may find yourself in a few solid Pillow of Fear moments if you’re not careful. 

Third, Eva Green. Kids, this lady personifies the phrase “screen presence”.  After the first episode, we know next to nothing about her character, Vanessa Ives, and yet every time Eva Green is on the screen you can’t help but pay attention to her.  Even through some sloppy editing and confusing action sequences, Eva Green feels like the character that we can latch onto because she’s so clear in her intentions, even if we don’t know what those intentions are.

"I own you, bitches."

The Bad

First, disorganization of plot.  The bad guys are definitely vampires.  Maybe definitely.  Except they’re also kind of zombies.  Zombie vampires?  But then, the doctor on our team discovers that their skin is concealing an exo-skeleton.  So, aliens I guess?  But the exoskeleton is covered in ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics.  Alien mummy vampire zombies?  Sure.  Let’s go with that for now.  And they want… something?  And our heroes want… to stop them?  To get their lost loved ones back?  From where?  Good mystery shows should never give you the full story in the first episode, obviously.  But a good mystery needs to give us enough of the facts of the story to make us want to keep learning more. 

Personally, I'm just hoping that the monsters are like this. 

Second, the source material.  Again.  Remember how when you had your first job interview and you tried to turn all your weaknesses into strengths?  Just like that here.  This show is crammed full of things.  Everything and the kitchen sink is thrown at us in terms of characters.  It’s kind of like League of Extraordinary Gentleman meets The Exorcist. Maybe it's a by-product of the Glee television generation where every plotline is thrown at the viewer as quickly as possible, but just because that's a style doesn't make it a recommended one. 

Third, pretention.  The show is trying very hard to stay true to the horror aspects of Victorian literature.  In that sense, it’s got more than a strand or two of DNA borrowed from NBC’s Hannibal, the show about everyone’s favorite serial-killing cannibal, but unfortunately it hasn’t quite achieved the same smoothly stylized high-art feel that Hannibal has managed to corner.  That doesn’t stop it from trying to hide its more cringe-inducing moments under the veneer of this being some kind of story that Means Something.

The Ugly

Oh gosh, you guys – the dialogue needs work.  In addition to some of the most cliché-ridden stuff you’ve heard in a while, whole stretches go one where characters will be talking to each other in ways that no human, Victorian or otherwise, ever would. It’s again a testament to Eva Green’s screen presence that whenever she’s talking, she can draw you in, even if you don’t understand a single sentence.  Far too frequently the dialogue veers into the cardinal sin of fiction writing – it’s all tell, no show.  We hear about how deep and significant characters are, but we don’t see it at all.  It’s just one character telling us how much we need to care without making us actually do it.

As such, the most troubling part of the first episode for me is how much I didn’t care about what was happening.  The episode failed my iPhone test, which is to say that I lost interest about halfway through and started playing with my phone while watching the second half.  Pilots are never easy beasts, but this one is particularly fussy.  I found myself not understanding anything about the plot or the characters or why anyone was acting the way they did at any point.

NO, WAIT! DON'T LEAVE ME!

A family member of mine likes to say that in relationships, there’s often one person who’s reaching and one person who is settling.  That's pessimistic, but I don't think it's necessarily inaccurate.  If we carry that metaphor forward to the screen, Penny Dreadful is definitely reaching for the love of its viewers.  That doesn’t mean that viewers will have to settle, but it’s not the best dynamic to start with. Hopefully, this show can pull itself up.  Showtime and HBO are both networks that, due to filming entire seasons in one go, are more comfortable thinking of their episodes as book chapters rather than individual mini-movies that have to break every box office record or else the next episode isn’t going to air.  

As such, Penny Dreadful may be the kind of show that rewards its viewers a few episodes in.  That’s certainly a possibility given that the first episode doesn’t even introduce all the main characters – there’s still plenty of time to grow.  Fan-favorite Billie Piper hasn't even shown up, and it sounds like her character is some kind of potential prostitute because Showtime knows that nerds like to see Billie Piper being sexy.  Fans, and Showtime, will just have to hope that the rewards start coming quickly or else all that beautiful messy potential is going to end up splattered like the blood that Penny Dreadful clearly isn’t afraid to shed.