Outlander: The Reckoning

Lots of premieres happening on cable right now, and I plan to get to Mad Men and Wolf Hall in the next couple days, but let's start with the show with the most sex, kilts, and brogues.

Outlander, of course! This post has some spoilers for the most recent episode, but I won't discuss any book-related future plot spoilers. Pinkie swear.

I'm not sure how I feel about the latest trend of networks splitting up a show's season into 6 or 7 episode long stints and then making the audience wait more than half a year for the rest. It's annoying as a fan and audience-member, but it also seems kind of disingenuous. But I can't get too worked up about it now that we actually have our new Outlander episodes. It's been a long wait though, so Starz better make it worth it.

I'm happy to report the mid-season premiere episode, not only delivered the goods, but then some. There were some big changes, most notably, that the point of view of our story switched from Claire to Jamie. I'm pleased that Claire still remains the clear focus and hero of our story, but the change in perspective, while a bit jarring, was also necessary from a storytelling perspective. There were plot events, including how Jamie ended up on the window ledge of Jack Randall right in time to save his wife from rape and torture, that simply cannot be told without changing the voice of the show.

I can't say that I found Jamie's voice-overs or character insights as interesting as Claire's, but the plot development during this episode was certainly solid. Jamie and the other highlanders whisk Clare away from Captain Randall and Fort William just in the nick of time, they have an epic fight ending in a spanking (hello spousal abuse!), Jamie returns to Castle Leoch and deftly negotiates a truce between the brothers MacKenzie, and Claire and Jamie figure out pretty quickly they need to keep an eye on Jamie's ex who has a first class ticket on the express train to Crazy Town.

Oh, and there was a pretty epic sex scene at the end that included Claire riding Jamie while holding a dirk to his throat and threatening to cut out his heart and eat it if he ever raises a hand against her again.

Daenery's is all, "you go, girl." 

So let's talk about that scene. You know the one I mean--the spanking heard round the internet. When Jamie left Claire in a grove outside Craigh nu Dun, he explicitly told her to stay put. She, of course, made a break for it in an attempt to reach the stone circle and get back to the 20th century and her husband, Frank. 

Her "disobeying" her husband resulted in her capture, assault by Captain Randall, and Jamie and the other Scotsman storming Fort William and springing her. At great risk to themselves and the MacKenzie clan as a whole, of course. As such, they felt she needed to be punished. Hence, the spanking. With a belt. On the bum. 

To the show's credit, they made Jamie seem as progressive as they could. You know, so far as someone can "progressively" beat their wife. He made it clear he was doing it because he had to, at least according to the expectations of the other Scotsmen. And it was for Clarire's "own good," so she would truly understand the potential ramifications of her actions. Is it still gross? Uh, hell yes. 

But here's the thing--this happened. Well, not in the sense that a time-traveler from the 1940s who was stuck in 1700s Scotland would make an attempt to touch magic stones and act against the wishes of her husband, but if a wife acted contrary to something her husband told her in 1743 Scotland he would likely hit her. Women were property. And their husbands would beat them. Does that make it excusable? Absolutely not. Does it make sense within the story we are being told? Absolutely yes. Especially since it opens the door for a lot of drama between the characters. I'll wager the effect of this on Claire will be far-reaching. 

And it made for some really crazy angry sex. Though I confess I found it disturbing that Jamie still ended up on top. This is, however, a good example of non-gratuitous sex that is used to actually further a story and show something about the characters. Also, it was really hot. 

All in all, The Reckoning was an excellent episode that set a lot of new plots in motion, had some great character moments, and left the audience slathering for more. And of course yelling at one another on the internet, which let's face it, is one of the criteria by which we measure the popularity television programs these days. I am declaring it a win!

The Plot So Nice They Used It Twice

Anybody want to go on a Viking River Cruise? 

No? Okay then.

Kids, mama is facepalming hard over here.

So, last week's episode started off with Anna and Mrs. Hughes cleaning out the hot (literally) mess that Edith made when she tried to burn down Downton (accident, my ass). Anna finds the baby photo. She gives it to Mrs. Hughes. Edith, Mrs. Hughes IS SO ON TO YOU.

In rich white people news, the war memorial committee wants to build a war memorial. They want to do this on Robert's beloved cricket ground. Robert once again proves he Doesn't Get It. What do you think, Tom? Never mind, you're Irish and poor.

"Don't mind the nice man in the sunglasses, Tom. He's only here to erase your memory."

Jimmy is still fired for sleeping with Caroline Bingley. I'm sure he'll be back, though.

Thomas is sad that Jimmy is leaving. This is one of the few times when Thomas seems human. Yes, more of that and less of the puerile scheming. 

At breffie, Charles Blake is coming back to Downton, because he has a friend who wants to look at their della Francescas. Mary is a bit bummed because she's already promised Lord GingerAle that she will spend the weekend being his booty call. 

Rose is collecting evening gowns for Russian aristocratic refugees who have fled the Bolsheviks. She also wants a wireless. 

Escandelo!

Over at the cottage, Edith is still trying to get her baby back. Unfortunately, her child's adoptive mother does not want to give her up, since Edith's life is just the worst. 

Lord Merton is FRISKING AROUND Isobel's skirts. 

"Then Lord Merton invited me to go to Cleveland with him on a steamer. I've never been to Ohio."

Mary has to be certain that there aren't any Consequences to her weekend activities, so she straight up asks Anna to go into the village and buy some Plan B. 

I am super excited about Rose's Russian refugees and wireless.

Thomas, who is horrible, decides to go ahead and tell Molesley that his lady friend Baxter is a thief. Thomas is still trying to get Baxter to snitch on Bates, so can...I don't know...

Edith tells Robert and Cora that she wants to *cough* take an interest in a little orphan girl who is living at the Drews'. They suspect nothing because, I mean, Edith ain't getting any younger. 

Anna goes into the apothecary's to get some unmentionables for Mary and the scene proceeds with all the subtlety of an after-school special. The judgey lady pharmacist asks Anna personal questions and judges her, and this immediately turns Anna into a birth control crusader. 

Daisy is coming along quite nicely with Miss Bunting tutoring her in math (Maggie and I totally called that) , although Miss Bunting is still a Commie who also mouths off at dinner. She is TOLERATED at Downton.  Anyway, Tom clearly has his hands full.

#Gangsta

Molesley is quite convinced that Baxter would not have stolen from her former mistress. but Baxter won't tell him the whole story. Because nobody tells anyone anything on this show. They just perpetually spy and eavesdrop on each other. That is easier. 

Mary tells her parents that she is hanging out with one of her aristocratic friends while she is really with Lord Gallagher (what is she? fifteen?), but she misses out on getting to spend more time with Charles Blake (!!!!) and his art collector friend, who is 1) Totally Richard E. Grant and 2) Totally hitting on Cora. I have no idea why either of these things are happening, but they are happening simultaneously.

Mary goes to meat LordGingerSnap at the hotel in London where he has booked adjoining rooms (boom chicka waka). This is a bad idea on many levels. 

LG: You may think I'm after your money. Think again. What really interests me is your sweet, sweet aspidistra. 

LM: My aspidistra?

LG: Yes, I'm an amateur botanist. The Downton aspidistra is...quite rare."

And did I mention Charles Blake? 

How YOU doin'?

I rest my case. 

Rose gets her wireless, and they all gather to listen to the king give a speech, and the Empire remains solid, and you think that all is right with the world and THEN...

A constable from London randomly shows up at Downton to say that a "witness" has come forward and wants to talk to Carson about rapey valet Green's stay at Downton. LIKE WHO CARES? I thought we all agreed that we did not care.  Green raped Anna, he ran into a bus, and he died. End of story.

Are we REALLY going to do this plot again? The plot where Bates gets arrested for a murder he may or may not have committed, but we all agree it doesn't really matter because the victim was a horrible human being. Whyyyyyy? Is the twist this time that Bates is going to get convicted and executed? And then what will happen to Anna? Will she become a family planning crusader? 

What witness comes forward two years after the fact? And why would the coppers take it seriously? Lord Gallifrey certainly has a new valet by now, so I am going to call Green's death a net gain for our fair city. The only thing that would make it even remotely interesting this time is if Anna got accused. Girl already won a Golden Globe for being a rape victim. Let's see if accused murderer works out for her as well. But seriously. Get some new material, or call it a day.

I didn't do it, but if I'd done it, how could you tell me that I was wrong? PopSixSquishUhuhCiceroLipshitz

All For One

If you like a little swash with your buckle, then BBC America's The Musketeers is the show for you.

No where near as cheesy as BBC's Robin Hood, but still boasting heroes who look more heartthrob than soldiers, The Musketeers is a fun adventure series. It won't tax your brain, but still has enough of a plot to keep your attention.

Cue theme music.

The plot loosely follows Alexandre Dumas' The Three Musketeers, and all the basics are there. D'Artagnan is still a naive young man who comes to Paris and falls in with three musketeers, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos. Athos is still tortured by his past betrayal by his wife (Milady de Winter), Porthos is the fun-loving one, and Aramis is the lady's man. Cardinal Richelieu is working to control King Louis and consolidate his own power.

Oh, and did I mention the Cardinal is the new Doctor?

You parked the TARDIS, where??

From BBC America's website:

The Musketeers, is set on the streets of seventeenth century Paris, where law and order is an idea more than a reality. In addition to being King Louis XIII’s personal bodyguards, Athos, Aramis and Porthos stand resolutely for social justice, honor, valor, love – and for the thrill of it.
The series bursts with escapism, adventure and romance and is set to thrill audiences with riveting stories every week.

I would agree with the adventure label and there is romance--though so far both of the female romantic interests for the main guys are married which is kind of weird--but I'm not sure it's truly escapist. It's the kind of show you have on while you do something around the house like fold laundry, do the dishes...or say, write a blog post.

The Paris of The Musketeers is also really dark; it's clearly going for a more authentic and gritty vibe, but come on. At its heart, the show is about sword fighting and foiling dastardly plots. Let's not take ourselves too seriously. There has to be a happy medium between the Disney version and showing actual filth in the streets, right?

When it comes to goofy hair, nobody has these musketeers beat.

A final note: I respect the multi-ethnic cast. Porthos is mixed race (and this is actually a salient plot point) and the actor who plays d'Artagnan is Italian and Aramis is South American (you might recognize him from Heroes where he played the artist who could paint the future, Isaac Mendez). For a show set in seventeenth century France, I like that they are at least trying to shake things up and make it not so lily white.

The Musketeers is a 10 part series that airs Sundays at 9:00 EST on BBC America.

Penny Not Quite Dreadful But Working On It Maybe?

Obviously, I am a friend to the supernatural horror television show.  If your premise involves humans fighting scary monsters, possibly with some snark or at least a heavy amount of innovative production design, I’m probably your guy.   So I’ve been intrigued by Showtime’s upcoming series Penny Dreadful, which has been so shrouded in mystery that no one even really knew what it was about other than that it looked vaguely Victorian and possibly a little steampunk-y. Thankfully for those of us who don’t have Showtime, you can stream the entire first episode over on YouTube right now and check it out for yourself. Or you can read my blog post! (Hint: do the second one.)

So what is Penny Dreadful about?  Even after watching the first episode, it’s hard to say.  Essentially, it’s London in 1891.  American Ethan Chandler (Josh Hartnet) is running a travelling Wild West themed show that’s mostly bullshit when he is conscripted by Mysterious Woman Vanessa Ives (Eva Green) to help her with a job that’s going to require his uncanny skill with a pistol.  The job turns out to be invading an opium den where the goings on aren’t exactly of this earth.  Before we know it, our American is drawn into a world of monsters and maybe possibly ghosts but certainly tarot cards and it’s all going to be extremely Victorian.  There’s a lot going on here, so let’s unpack it properly, shall we?

"Wot's awl this then, Guv'nor?"

The Good

First, the production design.  Great Muppety Odin does this show look slick.  The costumes are lavish, the sets are beautiful if a little too bare (this was Victorian London, after all – the culture that never met an extra piece of furniture it wouldn’t cram into a room the size of a closet), and the makeup and special effects are appropriately gory and queasy.  There's no shortage of sewn-together flesh, mangled limbs, and dark red splatters against those good old London bricks, but for all the blood, we still never feel like we're veering too far into the torture-porn territory of modern horror movies. 

Second, the source material.  This show is drawing from every Victorian horror trope you can think of.  Imagine Van Helsing or Hansel & Gretl: Witch Hunters but without the camp factor and taking itself more seriously.  Your mileage may vary on this, but if you’re a fan of old school literary horror, you’re definitely going to find something in here you like.  Likewise, you may find yourself in a few solid Pillow of Fear moments if you’re not careful. 

Third, Eva Green. Kids, this lady personifies the phrase “screen presence”.  After the first episode, we know next to nothing about her character, Vanessa Ives, and yet every time Eva Green is on the screen you can’t help but pay attention to her.  Even through some sloppy editing and confusing action sequences, Eva Green feels like the character that we can latch onto because she’s so clear in her intentions, even if we don’t know what those intentions are.

"I own you, bitches."

The Bad

First, disorganization of plot.  The bad guys are definitely vampires.  Maybe definitely.  Except they’re also kind of zombies.  Zombie vampires?  But then, the doctor on our team discovers that their skin is concealing an exo-skeleton.  So, aliens I guess?  But the exoskeleton is covered in ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics.  Alien mummy vampire zombies?  Sure.  Let’s go with that for now.  And they want… something?  And our heroes want… to stop them?  To get their lost loved ones back?  From where?  Good mystery shows should never give you the full story in the first episode, obviously.  But a good mystery needs to give us enough of the facts of the story to make us want to keep learning more. 

Personally, I'm just hoping that the monsters are like this. 

Second, the source material.  Again.  Remember how when you had your first job interview and you tried to turn all your weaknesses into strengths?  Just like that here.  This show is crammed full of things.  Everything and the kitchen sink is thrown at us in terms of characters.  It’s kind of like League of Extraordinary Gentleman meets The Exorcist. Maybe it's a by-product of the Glee television generation where every plotline is thrown at the viewer as quickly as possible, but just because that's a style doesn't make it a recommended one. 

Third, pretention.  The show is trying very hard to stay true to the horror aspects of Victorian literature.  In that sense, it’s got more than a strand or two of DNA borrowed from NBC’s Hannibal, the show about everyone’s favorite serial-killing cannibal, but unfortunately it hasn’t quite achieved the same smoothly stylized high-art feel that Hannibal has managed to corner.  That doesn’t stop it from trying to hide its more cringe-inducing moments under the veneer of this being some kind of story that Means Something.

The Ugly

Oh gosh, you guys – the dialogue needs work.  In addition to some of the most cliché-ridden stuff you’ve heard in a while, whole stretches go one where characters will be talking to each other in ways that no human, Victorian or otherwise, ever would. It’s again a testament to Eva Green’s screen presence that whenever she’s talking, she can draw you in, even if you don’t understand a single sentence.  Far too frequently the dialogue veers into the cardinal sin of fiction writing – it’s all tell, no show.  We hear about how deep and significant characters are, but we don’t see it at all.  It’s just one character telling us how much we need to care without making us actually do it.

As such, the most troubling part of the first episode for me is how much I didn’t care about what was happening.  The episode failed my iPhone test, which is to say that I lost interest about halfway through and started playing with my phone while watching the second half.  Pilots are never easy beasts, but this one is particularly fussy.  I found myself not understanding anything about the plot or the characters or why anyone was acting the way they did at any point.

NO, WAIT! DON'T LEAVE ME!

A family member of mine likes to say that in relationships, there’s often one person who’s reaching and one person who is settling.  That's pessimistic, but I don't think it's necessarily inaccurate.  If we carry that metaphor forward to the screen, Penny Dreadful is definitely reaching for the love of its viewers.  That doesn’t mean that viewers will have to settle, but it’s not the best dynamic to start with. Hopefully, this show can pull itself up.  Showtime and HBO are both networks that, due to filming entire seasons in one go, are more comfortable thinking of their episodes as book chapters rather than individual mini-movies that have to break every box office record or else the next episode isn’t going to air.  

As such, Penny Dreadful may be the kind of show that rewards its viewers a few episodes in.  That’s certainly a possibility given that the first episode doesn’t even introduce all the main characters – there’s still plenty of time to grow.  Fan-favorite Billie Piper hasn't even shown up, and it sounds like her character is some kind of potential prostitute because Showtime knows that nerds like to see Billie Piper being sexy.  Fans, and Showtime, will just have to hope that the rewards start coming quickly or else all that beautiful messy potential is going to end up splattered like the blood that Penny Dreadful clearly isn’t afraid to shed.

MUHDUH Most Foul

While we're bonding with our new royal bundle of joy, there's plenty of time to curl up with a cuppa and enjoy a couple of PBS's most recent Masterpiece Mystery offerings: Endeavour, Silk, and the series finale of Inspector Lewis. There's something comforting about shows that follow a predictable pattern of posh British people in fancy dress offing each other. 

If your Angophilia doesn't extend far enough to your wanting to hear the phrase "the Queen's gynecologist" and "ZOMGZ THE ROYAL BABY" repeated several times in succession (HA! SUCCESSION! HA!) on the network newz, strap on your Wellies head over to PBS. Oh, you don't watch PBS? Oh, okay then.

I'm Alan Cumming and this is Masterpiece Mystery. I am also a bit of a wankah.

So, I was really sad about the ending of ITV's Inspector Lewis series. I started watching it on Netflix, then I watched the final season air on PBS. Who knew that Oxford had such a high murder rate? Is there anyone still living in Oxford now? Or is everyone dead? I visited there a few years ago and no one tried to off me. Perhaps I should have posed as a shady Oxbridge don? 

For those of you who don't know, Inspector Lewis is a sequel to the highly popular British MUHDUH mystery show, Inspector Morse. It follows the exploits of widowed Detective Inspector Lewis (Kevin Whately), who was Inspector Morse's partner. After Morse's death, Lewis was partnered with uppity college boy, Detective Sergeant Hathaway (Laurence Fox), and Inspector Lewis has to come to terms with all of his new partner's book learnin'. Hathaway and Lewis, of course, learn to set aside their differences to solve MUHDUHS, and the banter twixt the two gents is actually quite hilarious at times. Also, Lewis TOTES gets to get his flirt on with the lady medical examiner. So, there's that. 

I'm moody, haunted by my past and unconventionally handsome. What else can I do for you?

I have a great deal of affection for Inspector Lewis, and I'm sorry that there won't be any more episodes. However, after seven years, I can totally understand the actors wanting to move on to other projects. Inspector Lewis is available on Netflix streaming and DVD. Netflix doesn't have all of the episodes streaming yet, so you might be in a bit of a pinch if you want to watch later episodes.

Now, with Inspector Lewis off the air, ITV has come up with an interesting PREQUEL to the Inspector Morse series, which follows Morse's adventures as a young constable in the 1960s. 

ITV Exec 1: I know! Let's do Mad Men. But let's kill people!

ITV Exec 2: Oh, simply ripping idea!

ITV Exec 3: Smashing!

The Queen: How droll!

I'm keepin' Her Majesty's Peace, bijez.

Yes, there are only a few episodes for this first series, but it's worth getting into, especially since ITV has renewed the show for a Series 2. I feel like British dramas put a lot more time into making an episode of a show than American productions do, and that's why there tend to be fewer episodes in a season/series. Sometimes, American shows kind of just say, "Good enough" and crank out 20 episodes. The Brits take their time to write, film and edit each show, so the average quality level tends to be higher. And, you know, who else is going to create a crime drama and put everyone in period dress? WHO ELSE, I ASK YOU? No one. No one but the Brits.

No quip here.  I just fucking love the queen.

Endeavour is set in the 1960s, and while Mad Men comparisons are somewhat valid, it actually reminds me more of the now-defunct late-1950s news drama, The Hour. It even features the same wormy character actor as the leads' boss. What else could you ask for? An unconventionally handsome leading man? Yes, I'll take one of those. Check, please! 

The show begins with Endeavour Morse as young Constable Morse (Shaun Evans), forced to work his way up through the ranks of his local precinct, where he is not taken seriously, even after he solves, like, three murders in a row. There's a jealous detective in the precinct who is always throwing all kinds of shade at Morse. The police chief may or may not have been bought off. Really, his only ally is his ostensible partner, DI Fred Thursday (Roger Allam). 

Am I as fond of Endeavour as I am of Inspector Lewis? No, not as yet. However, it does have the same buddy cop drama vibe that Inspector Lewis has, with crotchety, hardened detective, Thursday somewhat suspicious of his college-educated young partner. Since everything in England is class-based, Thursday and Morse have the same dynamic as the working-class Lewis and the Cambridge-educated Hathaway. They do manage to put that aside and do things like solve murders and stuff. Excuse me. MUHDUHS. Seriously, when will the British learn to say "r"? The episodes are not available to watch online, but they are available on DVD and Blu-Ray.

We're lucky enough here stateside to be able to watch both BBC and ITV dramas on PBS, and I guess everyone in the U.S. assumes everything British is from the BBC, anyway, but it's pretty convenient to be able to watch all of this stuff on one channel. Rock on, Kermit.

Elmo hug Kermit. Elmo contract salmonella from frog.

But I digress. The next delightful offering, which is actually courtesy of the BBC, is Silk. Well, butter my crumpet. It's about a LADY BARRISTAH. 

If you've seen any of Law & Order UK or know enough about British people to find them adorable, charming and quaint, you will already be aware that the attorneys wear wigs during their more important court appearances. Seriously, George Washington and Thomas Jefferson. How could you not be down with these peeps?

Wigz.

Silk, like many legal dramas, focuses on a law firm (or, as it's known in the UK, chambers). Martha Costello is a sassy blond lady attorney who kicks all kinds of ass. Her ultimate goal -- aside from straightening up pupil barrister and adorable screw-up, Nick Slade; convincing novice barrister, Naimh* Cranitch, that she DEFO SHOULD NOT FUCK office manslut/sleazebag Clive Reader; skirting around scheming fellow attorney, Kate Brockman; and managing an unexpected pregnancy -- is to "take silk." "Taking silk," as Alan Cumming condescendingly explains to the ignorant Americans, is the process whereby British attorneys earn the rank of Queen's Counsel. You can watch Silk online until October 8. 

"In the criminal justice system..." Wait...

Oh, yeah, and also Martha was being stalked by a creepy former client.

It's good to see a legal drama on the idiot box that actually has a female lead. Because, after all, it is 2013 and rah rah votes for women.

 ANYHOOSLE.

Martha is portrayed with aplomb by Maxine Peake. She's a relatable character because, all lawyer jokes aside, you get the sense that she really is a good person, and it does bother her conscience that, for the sake of her career, she has to defend some scumbags who are likely guilty of the crimes they are accused of committing. One particular tough moment for Martha was when she was put in the position of defending a man accused of rape, because according to her own personal convictions, rape victims are the ones who end up being put on trial. Martha's superiors convinced her that she need to have a rape case on her dossier for her silk application, and she assented. Although the prosecuting attorney told the victim that Martha would go easy on her because "her heart wasn't in it," Martha crucified this woman on the stand and brought her to tears. As horrible as it made her feel, Martha knew that this was the kind of game she would have to play to get ahead in the male-dominated world of the British legal system. 

More British intrigue headed your way in a chaise-and-four. There's a new series of Foyle's War and PBS is also airing a new murder mystery drama called The Bletchley Circle. 

*It's pronounced "Nave." Jeez, Britain. Learn English, will you?