Penny Not Quite Dreadful But Working On It Maybe?

Obviously, I am a friend to the supernatural horror television show.  If your premise involves humans fighting scary monsters, possibly with some snark or at least a heavy amount of innovative production design, I’m probably your guy.   So I’ve been intrigued by Showtime’s upcoming series Penny Dreadful, which has been so shrouded in mystery that no one even really knew what it was about other than that it looked vaguely Victorian and possibly a little steampunk-y. Thankfully for those of us who don’t have Showtime, you can stream the entire first episode over on YouTube right now and check it out for yourself. Or you can read my blog post! (Hint: do the second one.)

So what is Penny Dreadful about?  Even after watching the first episode, it’s hard to say.  Essentially, it’s London in 1891.  American Ethan Chandler (Josh Hartnet) is running a travelling Wild West themed show that’s mostly bullshit when he is conscripted by Mysterious Woman Vanessa Ives (Eva Green) to help her with a job that’s going to require his uncanny skill with a pistol.  The job turns out to be invading an opium den where the goings on aren’t exactly of this earth.  Before we know it, our American is drawn into a world of monsters and maybe possibly ghosts but certainly tarot cards and it’s all going to be extremely Victorian.  There’s a lot going on here, so let’s unpack it properly, shall we?

"Wot's awl this then, Guv'nor?"

The Good

First, the production design.  Great Muppety Odin does this show look slick.  The costumes are lavish, the sets are beautiful if a little too bare (this was Victorian London, after all – the culture that never met an extra piece of furniture it wouldn’t cram into a room the size of a closet), and the makeup and special effects are appropriately gory and queasy.  There's no shortage of sewn-together flesh, mangled limbs, and dark red splatters against those good old London bricks, but for all the blood, we still never feel like we're veering too far into the torture-porn territory of modern horror movies. 

Second, the source material.  This show is drawing from every Victorian horror trope you can think of.  Imagine Van Helsing or Hansel & Gretl: Witch Hunters but without the camp factor and taking itself more seriously.  Your mileage may vary on this, but if you’re a fan of old school literary horror, you’re definitely going to find something in here you like.  Likewise, you may find yourself in a few solid Pillow of Fear moments if you’re not careful. 

Third, Eva Green. Kids, this lady personifies the phrase “screen presence”.  After the first episode, we know next to nothing about her character, Vanessa Ives, and yet every time Eva Green is on the screen you can’t help but pay attention to her.  Even through some sloppy editing and confusing action sequences, Eva Green feels like the character that we can latch onto because she’s so clear in her intentions, even if we don’t know what those intentions are.

"I own you, bitches."

The Bad

First, disorganization of plot.  The bad guys are definitely vampires.  Maybe definitely.  Except they’re also kind of zombies.  Zombie vampires?  But then, the doctor on our team discovers that their skin is concealing an exo-skeleton.  So, aliens I guess?  But the exoskeleton is covered in ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics.  Alien mummy vampire zombies?  Sure.  Let’s go with that for now.  And they want… something?  And our heroes want… to stop them?  To get their lost loved ones back?  From where?  Good mystery shows should never give you the full story in the first episode, obviously.  But a good mystery needs to give us enough of the facts of the story to make us want to keep learning more. 

Personally, I'm just hoping that the monsters are like this. 

Second, the source material.  Again.  Remember how when you had your first job interview and you tried to turn all your weaknesses into strengths?  Just like that here.  This show is crammed full of things.  Everything and the kitchen sink is thrown at us in terms of characters.  It’s kind of like League of Extraordinary Gentleman meets The Exorcist. Maybe it's a by-product of the Glee television generation where every plotline is thrown at the viewer as quickly as possible, but just because that's a style doesn't make it a recommended one. 

Third, pretention.  The show is trying very hard to stay true to the horror aspects of Victorian literature.  In that sense, it’s got more than a strand or two of DNA borrowed from NBC’s Hannibal, the show about everyone’s favorite serial-killing cannibal, but unfortunately it hasn’t quite achieved the same smoothly stylized high-art feel that Hannibal has managed to corner.  That doesn’t stop it from trying to hide its more cringe-inducing moments under the veneer of this being some kind of story that Means Something.

The Ugly

Oh gosh, you guys – the dialogue needs work.  In addition to some of the most cliché-ridden stuff you’ve heard in a while, whole stretches go one where characters will be talking to each other in ways that no human, Victorian or otherwise, ever would. It’s again a testament to Eva Green’s screen presence that whenever she’s talking, she can draw you in, even if you don’t understand a single sentence.  Far too frequently the dialogue veers into the cardinal sin of fiction writing – it’s all tell, no show.  We hear about how deep and significant characters are, but we don’t see it at all.  It’s just one character telling us how much we need to care without making us actually do it.

As such, the most troubling part of the first episode for me is how much I didn’t care about what was happening.  The episode failed my iPhone test, which is to say that I lost interest about halfway through and started playing with my phone while watching the second half.  Pilots are never easy beasts, but this one is particularly fussy.  I found myself not understanding anything about the plot or the characters or why anyone was acting the way they did at any point.

NO, WAIT! DON'T LEAVE ME!

A family member of mine likes to say that in relationships, there’s often one person who’s reaching and one person who is settling.  That's pessimistic, but I don't think it's necessarily inaccurate.  If we carry that metaphor forward to the screen, Penny Dreadful is definitely reaching for the love of its viewers.  That doesn’t mean that viewers will have to settle, but it’s not the best dynamic to start with. Hopefully, this show can pull itself up.  Showtime and HBO are both networks that, due to filming entire seasons in one go, are more comfortable thinking of their episodes as book chapters rather than individual mini-movies that have to break every box office record or else the next episode isn’t going to air.  

As such, Penny Dreadful may be the kind of show that rewards its viewers a few episodes in.  That’s certainly a possibility given that the first episode doesn’t even introduce all the main characters – there’s still plenty of time to grow.  Fan-favorite Billie Piper hasn't even shown up, and it sounds like her character is some kind of potential prostitute because Showtime knows that nerds like to see Billie Piper being sexy.  Fans, and Showtime, will just have to hope that the rewards start coming quickly or else all that beautiful messy potential is going to end up splattered like the blood that Penny Dreadful clearly isn’t afraid to shed.

Save the Cheerleader Save the Whaaaat?! Heroes Reborn comes to NBC in 2015!

When I began to hear whisperings about some kind of return for the departed show, Heroes, I knew right where to go for the full scoop. My friend Priya, who has an amazing blog called This Is What Comes Next, was a Heroes fan back in the day and was kind enough to provide TV Sluts with her thoughts regarding the return of the show. Personally, I didn't think there was big outcry from the viewing public for more Heroes, but whatever, NBC. Desperate times, I suppose.

I have a routine. Where most people start the day with the New York Times or the Washington Post, I always kick things off scanning the headlines to Entertainment Weekly. So of course when this came across my twitter feed yesterday I did a double take.

"Heroes Reborn."

My first thought: Really? Have we officially run out of good ideas?

My Second Thought: But it started out so well. Five years later can it be better?

And then, again. Is this really necessary?

The answer of course, is no. Jeff Jensen covers most of the bases in this EW.come article, but here are my two cents.

Heroes was one of those shows that had so much potential and so many great characters. Horn-Rimmed Glasses Guy, Hiro Nakamura, Mohinder and the cockroaches, the Haitian! I mean seriously it started with a bang (and with a relatively diverse cast) and then ended season one with this bizarre flat, budget strapped sad climax. I wanted so much more this show and can't actually pinpoint the moment where I gave up -- though I know I stuck around a lot longer than most.

There were too many characters, too many subplots and nothing ever came together in the way we all wanted it to.

This is the show that gave us Hayden Panettiere (who is awesome on Nashville) and Zachary Quinto (New Spock!) and for that I will be grudgingly grateful. But I'm not sure I'll be willing to go back. NBC is going to have to do a hard sell --and in a world where we have Arrow, Marvels Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (though its future is questionable) and other examples of tight storytelling for super heroes I'm not sure I need to go back.

For your information, Heroes: Reborn is only a 13 episode miniseries. So who knows, maybe Peter Petrelli (or whatever version that shows up) can save the world once more....but for the love of all that is important in the land of television lay off the time travel.

Want to know who from the original cast might be back? Look at this cast picture and see who hasn't worked in a while. Chances are they'll be in the new episodes.

Recapping AHS: Something Witchy This Way Comes

We’re back, everyone! We’ve all suffered through/enjoyed a long year without turning on our television sets and watching Jessica Lange and Company do something that makes us say “dafuq?” out loud. What say we end that streak, shall we? Read on for the recap for the first episode of American Horror Story: Coven.

Snakes. Why does it always have to be snakes?

Picture it. New Orleans. 1834. None other than Madame Delphine LaLaurie (Kathy Bates) is introducing her three daughters to some eligible gentlemen at a society ball.  They’re all prizes, with the possible exception of the youngest. “Perhaps my talents are in the boudoir,” the youngest daughter snarks. Right out the gate, AHS.  Later that night, Madame is coating her face with blood and complaining that it isn’t fresh enough to reverse the signs of aging like she’s accustomed to when one of her servants breaks the news that the slutty daughter has been caught making Victorian-era whoopee with Bastien, a slave, though Bastien swears it was her who came on to him. Oh Bastien. This is the pre-war South. And did you read that Wikipedia entry about how LaLaurie treated her slaves? This isn’t going to go well for you, my friend.  Madame has Bastien brought to her attic, which is stuffed to the gills with slaves who have been tortured. It’s grotesque – some have broken and warped bodies, others have their skin peeled off their faces.

“You want to behave like a beast,” she tells Bastien, “We’re going to treat you like one.” She has the hollowed out head of a bull placed over Bastien’s head like a mask while she pontificates on how she always loved the story of the Minotaur.

Man, that reparations argument is just getting stronger and stronger.

To the modern day! We meet Zoe (Taissa Farmiga, who played Violet in season 1), a teenage girl with an eye toward love, or at least scoring with a boy that she’s brought back to her house to make sweet, tender, first-time love with since her parents don’t get home until 6pm. It’s going exactly as losing your virginity should, right up until the boy begins to bleed from his eyes. And then from everywhere else as he hemorrhages in front of her. Bummer.

Zoe’s mother explains to her that turns out she’s a witch and not to worry, grandmother was the same way, but it’s really time to get this looked after. And so Zoe is transported (by train, natch) from her home to Miss Robichaux’s, a school in New Orleans for young witches in the company of an OMGYOUGUYSSERIOUSLYAMAZING Mrytle Snow (Played in campy, crazy goodness by Frances Conroy) who talks with a Mid-Atlantic accent and says things like, “I’m simply MAD about Tartan” while admiring Zoe’s drapes. She’s also with two albino black men, because why not?

Oh yeah. I can work with this. 

Witchcraft, it turns out, is not always predictable. “It doesn’t show up in every family member,” Zoe voiceover’s. “Like my cousin, Amanda. She’s just bulimic.” It’s happened often enough though that the witches from old Salem Towne got out of dodge when things got rough and fled to New Orleans to train new witches in peace. Even in the 17^th century, everyone from up north went to Mardi Gras, apparently.

Zoe arrives at the sprawling completely creepy mansion that is Miss Robichaaux’s. As she enters, the albinos and the crazy campy woman vanish behind her. Doors open on their own, creeking, etc. etc, leading me to doubt this school’s accreditation. Zoe is suddenly ambushed by three figures in black robes and masks who throw her to the ground and bring down a knife to stab her before pulling back to reveal themselves as the three other students of the school. I guess this was, like, her hazing or something? Man, just have her drink a bunch of shots and then circle the parts of her thighs that are too fat like all other civilized co-eds.

Roll call! There’s Madison (Emma Roberts), the Hollywood movie star who is also a telekinetic. Next is Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe), the human voodoo doll. Finally, there’s Nan (Jamie Brewer, who played Addie in season 1), a clairvoyant. The entire place is run by Cordelia Foxx (Sarah Paulson), who explains that the school started off innocently enough in the 18^th century, but was acquired by witches in the 19^th century to train young witches, usually with classes around 60 women, but now most of the witches have died out. Cordelia explains that most witches have one or two gifts, but in every generation there is a Supreme who has all of them. As an object lesson in safety and needing to keep hidden, Cordelia tells the girls about another girl who was killed just a month ago not far from the city, a girl named Misty Day (Lily Rabe, who’s played more drunk socialites and possessed nuns than anyone on this show) who had the power to return dead things to life. Sadly, Misty was also a member of a snake-handling Christian group, who saw her gif t as less Holy Revelation, more Work of the Devil and burned Misty alive. (Fear not - Lily Rabe is listed as a lead character this season. Betting she’s coming back.) The point is, from Cordelia’s perspective, keep your heads down if you want to survive, girls.

Still better looking than Dumbledore...

In Los Angeles, we meet Cordelia’s mother, Fiona (Jessica Fuckin’ Lange), who is meeting with a researcher conducting cutting edge work on drugs to reverse aging. Fiona is impressed with the researcher’s work and wants to know when she can get in on the drug that her late husband’s money entirely funded. The researcher isn’t too excited about jumping the queue into human trials. “What we do here is not magic,” he tells her. Heh.

Regardless, Fiona is apparently successful in her argument. Five days later, she is in her penthouse apartment getting high and dancing to In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida (‘Cause wouldn’t you!?!) and getting pissed that she has yet to revert to the body of an 18 year old. She summons the researcher to demand more drugs, but he has nothing to give her. “We’re organic matter,” he says. “We rot and we die.” Not in Fiona’s plans, apparently, as she causes all the windows and doors to fly closed and lock and moves in on the researcher, kissing him passionately. He struggles, but gives in as he slowly begins to wither in her arms. When she’s done, he’s a dehydrated corpse who has aged 50 years and Fiona is looking stunning, young and beautiful. For a few moments, at least. She reverts quickly back to her older body, disgusted with herself.

Dinner at Hogwarts. Madison is mocking the butler, who looks exactly like Riff Raff from Rocky Horror and apparently is missing a tongue. Seriously. Can’t wait for that backstory. The four girls alternately snark each other and ask what they’re in for. Madison is there because she “accidently” killed a director who gave her a bad note that she didn’t like. It’s not long before the girls start using their powers on each other before cooler heads prevail and two of them stalk off. Madison informs Zoe that they’re going to a frat party tonight.

Cordelia is apparently skilled at potions and tinctures and is relaxing by brewing up some new concoctions in her garden/lab when Fiona surprises her. Fiona is disappointed that Delia has never lived up to her full potential – Fiona is the Supreme and Delia could be so much more than a teacher. Fiona has come back to New Orleans because she heard about Misty and fear that “this is Salem all over again.” She wants Delia to teach the girls how to fight, not to cower, and she’s come back to do just that, even if that means mother and daughter having to live under the same roof again. It’s bad enough for any adult child to hear that from a parent, just imagine if that parent was the most powerful witch in the modern age? Goes a long way to explaining why Delia is single.

Time for the frat party. There’s a keg bus, natch, and inside Frat President Kyle (Evan Peters, also returning from seasons 1 and 2) is explaining to his brothers how much fun they can have at this party without getting their charter revoked after some unfortunate disciplinary action by their university. Have to say, so far this is the part of the episode I most believe is accurate. Anyway, the frat brothers descend just as Madison and Zoe do as well. Horny Frat Boy #1 has his eyes on Madison, but Frat Boy With A Heart of Gold Kyle is taken with Zoe. Ah, the sweet sting of young love, which is never felt clearer than when two eyes meet through the ice luge at a Sig Eps rager.

"So, my vagina kills. That's what the writers gave me this season. Get abducted by any aliens lately or shoot up any schools on your way here?"

Madison, meanwhile, is Mean Girl-ing it up. She spots Horny Frat Boy and demands that he get her a drink and be her slave for the night. He willingly agrees. Know what you shouldn’t really do? Ask a morally bankrupt frat boy to mind your drinks. It takes all of five minutes before Madison is roofied out the wazoo and the entire bus of frat brothers are gang raping her in one of the rooms upstairs. This is AHS, guys. You know rape was coming sooner or later. Never change, AHS. It’s only interrupted when Kyle discovers them after Zoe asks for his help finding Madison. The Frat Boys flee back to the bus, pursued by Kyle. The brothers knock Kyle out and begin to drive the keg bus away from the party just as Zoe tries to chase it down in vain. But you know what the one thing worse than a bunch of rapey frat boys are? When their victim is a witch who is also telekinetic. Madison causes the bus to flip into the air, crashing back down and exploding.

The next morning, the girls are having breakfast when Fiona breezes into the room bemoaning “college boys taken in the prime of their lives. But then, the world’s not going to miss a bunch of assholes in Ed Hardy shirts.” Fiona tells Madison that was fine work, but she was sloppy. She’s taking them all on field trip to start their new instruction.

Madeline: The Adult Version

She brings them through the French Quarter giving the girls history of the underground covens of New Orleans. “When witches don’t fight, we burn,” she advises them. They’re distracted, though, when Nan wanders off to the house of Madame LaLaurie, which still stands in New Orleans despite being once owned by Nicholas Cage (true story) and the haunted tour that’s going on inside. Fiona glamours the docent into letting them in for free and we all get a magical mystery tour of exposition.

Madame LaLaurie apparently tried to fight age and keep herself young and fresh by creating poultices from the pancreases of her slaves, ripped out of them while alive.  That is, until the day she was approached by Marie Laveau (played here by Angela Bassett), who offered her a love potion that would ensure her husband’s fidelity. Madame drank Laveau’s concoction, but as anyone could guess, it was a poison, not a love potion. Turns out that slave that was turned into the Minotaur? He was Marie’s lover and she extracted her revenge. To this day, Madame LaLarie’s body has never been found. It’s then that Fiona notices Nan staring suspiciously at the backyard. “What do you hear?” Fiona asks her. “The lady of the house,” Nan replies.

I personally can't wait for the scene when she learns about the Civil Rights Act.

Zoe meanwhile has taken a detour to the hospital to see which of the frat boys survived the crash and hoping that one of the two survivors is Kyle. That would be nice, wouldn’t it? Yeah, life’s a bitch – it’s the guy who was leading all the raping. And so Zoe makes a choice – her vagina has the power to kill, after all. All it takes is a little hand job for the unconscious rapey frat boy followed by a quick mounting and it’s hemorrhages all around!

That night, Fiona has paid two workers to dig up the backyard of Madame LaLaurie’s house and they have found a suspiciously human-sized box in the ground. She glamours the workers into forgetting her and opens the wooden casket to find a still hale and healthy looking Madame LaLaurie, quivering and shaking and bound in chains. “Come on, Mary Todd Lincoln,” Fiona says as she frees her. “I’ll buy you a drink.”

So, right off the bat we’re away from the muted tones and repressive feeling of season two’s Asylum. This is all glamour and camp and a whole lotta lady power, maybe as an antidote to the amount of violence done to the female characters last season? As someone who personally doesn’t find witches all that frightening, I’ll have to see how scary this season gets. MaggieCats will also have to update us on any of her Pillow of Fear moments, but for right now all I’m stuck on is, “needs more Angela Bassett.”

MOAR ANGELA!!! MOAR!!!!

In Pursuit of Pigeons

Kids, are your Thursday nights dull? Do you end up spending the evening watching Antiques Roadshow with your cat? Well, fear not. The good people over at The Eyeball have a rather fetching updated Sherlock Holmes murder mystery that may be right up your alley. As we've already learned from the Brits, murder is funny. And who doesn't like Lucy Liu?

"Oh, you're right, Arsenic," you say. "On second thought, I have no problems with Lucy Liu. I'll just slowly back out of here."

I know, I know. You're a Sherlock fan and you have qualms. "Bu-bu...Sherlock from the BBC is soooo good," you protest. This is true. I am huge fan of the Sherlock series. And who doesn't like Benedict Cumberbatch? People. Without. Souls. That's who. "How can the American version be worth watching?" you demand "It's not even associated with the Sherlock series. Isn't Elementary just a bad American rip-off?" Well, naysayers and people with too many First World Problems, I am here to spread the good news! I'm like Paul Revere, but in reverse. Elementary is entertaining, fresh, smart, and funny as hell. Sort of like yours truly, but I am not quite as dead sexy as Johnny Lee Miller. 

Hot (adj.) mess (noun)

So, how is Elementary different from Sherlock? Well, the major differences are that it's set in New York City instead of London, and Sherlock is a consultant for the NYPD, supervised by Captain Thomas Gregson (Aidan Quinn). Dr. Watson in this case is named Joan Watson, portrayed by Lucy Liu.

Yes. Yes, exactly like that.

Sherlock, for his part, is a recovering addict. I can't remember exactly which drugs he was doing. I am pretty sure it was all of them, but most specifically heroin. Sherlock ended up becoming a junkie after the death of his beloved Irene Adler, and Joan Watson was hired by Sherlock's mysterious, absent, and filthy rich father to be his sober companion. Joan had been a real actual medical doctor until she lost a patient and thus began doubting her abilities. She quit her hospital job to become a sober companion and that is how she ended up living with Sherlock. She accompanies him on murder investigations and to his addict meetings, helping him with both his sobriety and figuring out whodunit, all the while making it clear to him that she's not for a second going to put up with his bullshit. It is adorable bullshit, though.

I really like the way Joan's character is written. She's a strong female character, but the writing doesn't fall into the trap of turning her into the Asian Dragon Lady stereotype. The show begins with her being Sherlock's sidekick, but as the first season progressed, it became clear that Sherlock is totally dependent on her. 

Please tell me this investigation has something to do with your ninth step.

"But," you ask. "Isn't this just going to turn into a Moonlighting thing where there's all this sexual tension and they finally get together and then the show just isn't as good? Isn't this pairing just going to devolve into them slobbering all over each other?" 'Tis a valid question, but I don't think so. It's true that there's a male and female lead who are clearly hot for each other and completely repressing it. But, the thing that works with Elementary is that you know they'd both like to throw caution to the proverbial wind and bone, but you kind of don't want them to get together.  I don't know if that was intentional or not, but it really works and it's very refreshing. Sherlock and Joan live and work together, so it's almost like they're already in a relationship in a sense anyway. Since Sherlock has had so many drug problems and so many demons, Joan would totally be slumming it to get with Sherlock, and Joan is so the Scully to his Mulder that there's no way she'd ever admit to having feelings for him. There's also an intimacy to their relationship that I don't think can occur in a teevee (or real?) romantic relationship because they're working together toward a common goal instead of playing suckface.

These aren't the Gryffindor colors? No, I'm quite sure you'e wrong, Watson.

I guess the ratings haven't been all that impressive, but let's keep in mind that this is the same network that airs Big Brother (blech) so maybe there's not that much appeal within The Eyeball demographic. I really do feel like this show would be doing better ratings-wise if it were on BBC America, because the the British-meets-North American format is becoming their oeuvre (Yes, I just used "oeuvre" in a sentence. Going to punch myself now for being a pretentious fuckwit.) Regardless, it was renewed for a second season, so please go watch it before it gets cancelled. 

The only thing that rankles me a little about the series, and this may just be me, but I don't feel they've been able to naturally incorporate the Sherlock Holmes mythology as seamlessly into the series as Sherlock has done. Moriarty has made an appearance of sorts, but it felt unnecessary. I know, I know. Throw rotten produce at me now. The show can stand alone as a buddy cop murder mystery, and while I like the Holmes mythology thrown in there, Elementary is so character driven that it doesn't really need Moriarty to be interesting. There is Moriarty and Irene Adler stuff going on in the series, but I'm not going to spoil it for people who haven't seen the first season.

The Season 2 premiere, entitled "Step Nine," follows Sherlock and Watson getting mixed up in a murder investigation to help out Sherlock's former police contact, DI Lestrade(yup). Lestrade was investigating the death of a woman, and he's pretty convinced that her husband killed her. The only wrinkle in this is that Lestrade has been suspended from Scotland Yard because the woman's husband is a member of a prominent family, and so he and his legal team launched a smear campaign to discredit Lestrade and get him suspended from duty. After Sherlock and Joan succeed in nabbing a Gary Busey look-a-like perp, whom they were led to by staking out carrier pigeons, Sherlock gets a call from a desperate Lestrade, begging him to help out with the case. Sherlock and Joan head off to London (LONDON) to ostensibly help Scotland Yard look for the lamming Lestrade, but really they're going to help Lestrade prove that this shady dude offed his wife. 

They plan to stay at Sherlock's old London digs, 221B (natch), but when they arrive, they find that Mycroft (EFFING MYCROFT) has gotten rid of all of Sherlock's stuff and turned the flat into a sweet pad. Sherlock is super condescending to Mycroft, and Sherlock thinks Mycroft is being nice to Joan because he wants sommadat, but what Mycroft is really after are some tips on how he can better get along with his brother. As an added bonus, Mycroft is totally played by Rhys Ifans. 

You mean you don't love what I've done with the place?

Hijinks ensue and Joan, whom Sherlock has been training in his crime fighting ways, observes that Mycroft has a scar on his hand from surgery. She questions him about it, and he confesses that he had a bone marrow transplant and wants to repair his relationship with Sherlock, even though Sherlock banged Mycroft's former fiance. Well. D'aww. Joan's advice to Mycroft is that if he really wants Sherlock to listen to him, he should do something to get his attention. So, naturally, Mycroft takes this advice and builds a bomb and blows up a bunch of Sherlock's stored possessions.

Now I've destroyed things you love.

So shines a good deed in a naughty world.

Needless to say, Joan and Sherlock are able to assist Lestrade in proving his theory and arresting this super shady rich a-hole, but some questions do arise about the nature of Sherlock and Watson's relationship via Sherlock's speculation that Joan wants to bang his bro. I'm really hoping the writers aren't going to decide to ship them off because the dynamic they've already created between the two works perfectly well for the series' purpose.  

Elementary airs at 10 p.m.  EST on Thursdays on The Eyeball. 

You mean you're gonna stop yewwing at da teeveez 'bout how you can't bewieve dat ugwy old vase is worth dat much? Howcomez?