Double Divas

Boobs.


Yes, we all love boobs. Small ones, big ones, they are a constant source of fascination--and irritation. You try strapping bags of flour to your chest and walking around all day and see how YOU like it. Between the backaches, the underwire digging into your flesh, and the nipple chaffing (at least for those of us who run), boobs can be supremely annoying. And yet.....they're boobs. We're obsessed with them as babies, and many of us never seem to outgrow it.

On that note....meet the Double Divas (a.k.a. Molly and Cynthia):

They are also obsessed with boobs. Or should I say, they are obsessed with helping women love their boobs. No chest is too small or too big or too wonky or too....whatever. They own a lingerie shop outside Atlanta, LiviRae, and specialize in finding the perfect bra for everyone. And I mean everyone. Because it's not just women who come into the store who are targets;everywhere the ladies go they are on a mission to make sure every woman has a proper bra.

Double Divas has a lot of typical reality show problems; many of the situations and commentary are clearly scripted and Molly and Cynthia can sometime grate with their too-precious Southern accents. But underneath the artifice, there is a lot of heart in the show. At the end of the day, the Double Divas help women feel better about themselves and their bodies and I can't pretend that it isn't really sweet. 

For example, when a transgender lady came into the shop, Molly helped her like she would any other woman. The customer was clearly moved--and mentioned that she had been met with verbal abuse and employees that refused to help her at other stores (think the bitchy Rodeo Drive ladies in Pretty Woman). She ended up finding some lingerie that made her look awesome, and the Double Divas saved another sad set of breasts.

"You wanna help me?"

"Of course, that's what we do here."

(cue tears)

Oh, and don't even get me started on the episode where they went to the women's homeless shelter to fit and gift bras to women who were trying to get back into the workforce. I never really thought about it before, but when your girls are propped up properly, it's a lot easier to have confidence in yourself.

I ended up really enjoying Double Divas; it's a fun bit of fluff with a positive message that all women, no matter their shape, deserve to look and feel beautiful. I'm not saying it's appointment television, but if you find yourself flipping channels looking for something on a weekend afternoon, it will due in a pinch.

Double Divas airs on Lifetime and just finished its first season, but you can find episodes on On Demand and online.

Oh, and check out their bra tips! Handy.

When There's Nothing Left to Burn, You Have to Set Yourself on Fire

Last week, I recapped Lost Girl for ya'll. This week, I'm recapping the other half of Powerful Mondays (RAWR), Being Human.

We begin this episode where we left off last week, with vampire and all-around genuinely decent bloke Aidan ailing after being infected with tainted blood from a human who had had the flu. It's a strain of flu that knocks humans on their ass for a few days, but anyone who has had the virus is basically vampire poison. The virus has killed off a significant portion of the greater Boston area's vampires, and it looks like Aidan is its latest victim. Despite his careful efforts to remain unaffected by the virus, Aidan was infected after a run-in with werewolf and homicidal lunatic (ha!) Liam.  While he is sleeping, Aidan dreams about those halcyon pre-vampire days, and there's a flashback of Aidan saying goodbye to his wife and son as he headed off to fight in the Continental Army during the Revolutionary War. He awakes in present-day Boston, with bro Josh keeping vigil over him. 

I am tormented for several very valid reasons and I don't freaking sparkle. 

In a previous episode, Liam prompted troubled teen weregirl Erin to incapacitate Aidan by mixing her werewolf blood with his untainted blood supply, which she followed up with an ill-advised attempt to stake him. This led to Aidan kicking her so hard that she fell against a wall and landed...in the hospital. As she was unconscious but recovering, Liam paid a visit to her room and suffocated her.  If we were unconvinced at that point that Liam is batshit, he subsequently vampnapped Aidan, tortured him, and then injected him with tainted blood. Recovered werewolf Josh rescued Aidan before Liam could turn and rip Aidan to shreds, but not before Wolf Liam scratched Josh, subsequently making Josh a werewolf. Again.

Yep. I'm off the wagon.

Aidan watched his vampson turn to dust a few episodes ago due to the virus, and he decides he can't spend his last few days holed up in his basement bedroom and decides to go into work at the hospital where he is employed as a nurse, alongside Josh and Josh's fiancé, Nora. Josh and risen corpse Sally point out to Aidan that he can't go to work with all of those buboes, rashes and open sores. Sally patches Aidan up with the Death Becomes Her kit she got from her mortician boyfriend and he's good to go.

Werenurse Nora is nekked in the woods, waking up after her turn. She is beckoned by kindly werehippie Pete, who is lying on the ground in the altogether, babbling about how he's a vegetarian when he's not frolicking in the forest and baying at the moon. He offers her a cheese sandwich, but Nora declines. After previous encounters with purebred weretwins Connor and Brynne, and meeting their creepy father Liam, Nora is understandably wary of other wolves. Nora allows Pete to borrow a shirt, and half-assedly extends an open invitation for him to visit.

Nora arrives home and Josh tells her that Aidan protected her by lying to Liam about what happened to his daughter. Nora killed Brynne and Aidan killed Connor, but Aidan told Liam that he killed both of them. Nora absolves Aidan of blame in Erin's death and we can assume she now believes Josh and Aidan's theory that Liam encouraged Erin to harm Aidan.

Family fun night at the WereManson house.

Meanwhile, arisen corpse/ghoul/zombie/part-time Nicki Minaj impersonator Sally is falling apart. Quite literally. In previous episodes, Sally was suffering from a decomposing hairline. Now her corpserot is accelerating. She goes upstairs to brush her teeth, and shoves her brush plum through her cheeks. Oopsie. Then her teeth start falling out faster than a second grader's.

If you've been watching this season, you know that former ghost Sally was raised by a dark magic shady rootworker witch  (at a soup kitchen, no less) at the behest of Josh and Nora. The witch, however, neglected to inform Sally and her compatriots about the fine print. Sally has been perpetually snacking this season, and she cannot quell her insatiable hunger! Sally goes to the refrigerator to see if there's anything left after she raided it, and she finds a mouse about to get pwned by a mousetrap. She grabs the mouse and swallows it, rushing upstairs after Josh nearly catches her. She looks in the mirror and sees that the hole in her cheek is gone and her scalp has healed as well. This leads to the realization that she has to feed on living flesh in order to stay alive.

Tomorrow night, Pinky, we will come up with a new plan. One that isn't foiled by the atomic weight of gold.

The witch accidentally raised two other people who were in limbo with Sally, and all of them are left to discover on their own how to keep themselves from dying...again. While still ghosting about, Sally befriended a psychic girl named Zoe and Sally's former crush Nick began dating her, first as a ghost and for realz in the physical realm after he was raised. Sally meets with Zoe and  Zoe tells her that Nick has been staring at her. A lot. In a not sexy way. It's creeping her out, and she's getting scared.

Sally is troubled by her mousecapade, and after her talk with Zoe, she pays a visit to fellow undead Nick, and confesses she ate a mouse. 'Sall good. Nick reveals that he's been eating cats. We found out last week that Nick has been luring stray cats to his house, and pounces on them once they come to eat. Zoe, of course, has no clue. 

Official Season 3 promo shot.

At the hospital, Aidan pays a final visit to his blood bank, Bubble Boy and likely future evil vampire overlord Kenny. Kenny sees that Aidan has the virus.  Kenny has been feeding Aidan with his pure blood, in exchange for Aidan's promise that he will turn Kenny once Kenny turns eighteen. Aidan tells Kenny that he's going to have to reneg on his deal because he's dying. Kenny tries to argue with him, urging Aidan to turn him immediately. Aidan refuses, citing the likelihood that he would infect Kenny with the virus, and says goodbye. Kenny's determined not to live out his entire adult life in a sterilized room in a hospital, and he thinks turning vamp is his only hope, so he contacts sketchy redheaded vampiress Blake in the hope she will renew her previous offer to turn him in exchange for his untainted blood.

Aidan meets up with Nora, who thanks him for not telling Liam that she killed Brynne. Nora had blamed Aidan for Erin's death, but she slowly starts to realize that the untrustworthy party in the whole debacle is Liam. Nora urges Aidan to go home. Home reminds Aidan of the good times in the past: when Sally was a ghost; when Josh was a werewolf the first time and when Aidan didn't have vampitis.

There is a flashback of Aidan remembering his wife, Susanna. Soon after the Revolutionary War ended, Aidan made his way home, hiding out in the barn on his homestead and feeding on chickens. Susanna finds him. He tells Susanna what he's become. Forward-thinking colonial lass that she is, Susanna is unfazed and lets him drink from her hand. Now that's devotion, kids. 
Aidan is soon disturbed to find Blake creeping around outside his window. He tells Blake to leave Kenny alone, and he tries to attack her, but he's weak and she slams him against the wall.

Josh is home tending to Aidan when Nora arrives -- with a guest. It's Cat, Aidan's human crush! Boy, is she a sight for his bleeding eyes. Nora and Josh leave Aidan alone with Cat so Aidan can at least say goodbye to her. Cat has no idea yet that Aidan is dying, and also doesn't know he's a vampire. She's in 20 kinds of the dark about her almost-not-quite-boyfriend, but we like her for Aidan! The bad news is that the galloping vampsumption takes an ugly turn while Cat is there, and Aidan passes out. Cat nurses him while he's asleep, but he dreams again of Susanna. Cat leaves, assuming she will see Aidan again after he's recovered from the "flu." Nora and Josh, however, are preparing themselves for the end. They're cheered by a surprise visit from friendly werewolf Peter, who shows up with a pot of chili (vegetarian, natch). Peter is a ginormous tree-hugger, featuring all the bells and whistles: smoking of giant doobies, backpacking, at oneness with nature and vampires. He also meditates. Pete tells them about his travels, while "Your Ex Lover is Dead" by Stars plays in the background. Nice touch, production team. Pete encourages Josh to make peace with his wolf, and says his wolf really is terrified of him. The three of them sit in a circle and meditate, and Josh attempts to make contact with his wolf. 

Oh, Susanna. Don't you cry for me.

After Sally's visit with Nick, she's HUNGRY. She stops by a grocery pet store and looks longingly about the little furry creatures she wants to devour: little mice, little hamsters, little bunnies and little kittens. She walks away in horror after a little boy walks out with a fish -- and he looks mighty tasty!

Sally gets home, and she and Josh find Aidan seizing. He coughs up blood and this looks like the end. Don't worry! He has Main Character Immunity. The next morning, Aidan is cured! Josh, Nora and Sally theorize about what could have helped Aidan beat the infection, and Sally mentions that the last time Aidan got "joker-faced" (her words) was when he drank from Josh. Like a room full of Jonas Salks, they figure out that when Aidan drank from Josh, that gave him immunity, and his dose from Erin served as a "booster." That's it! The correct answer is werewolf blood! Ding, ding, ding!

Liam's psychopathic obsession with both avenging his children's deaths and ridding the world of vamps has backfired. Aidan visits Kenny and tells him the deal is back on. He also meets with Blake and lets her in on  the vaccine news, but tells Blake that Nora and Josh are off limits and that she has to stay away from Kenny. Or he will cut her.

Sally confesses to Aidan that she really doesn't like being Zombie Grrrl. She feels like she can't go around killing things just to survive and yes, the irony escapes her. Aidan's finally come to terms with being a vampire, and Sally kind of throws it up in his face. Nick told Sally that he thought it was worth it because they got a second chance at life, but Sally doesn't think so. This prompts Aidan to remember Susanna again. In flashback, Susanna accepts that Aidan is immortal, and urges him not to hold back if he finds love again. Aidan goes to the university where Cat works (she's a professor of early American history, ha ha ha). They make out in the hallway!! 

Later, Josh tries to meditate again to make contact with his wolf. He succeeds this time, and reaches his hand out to his wolf. 

Canis lupus Joshius.

Meanwhile, one of Liam's werewolf henchmen is having just the worst day. Liam and his minions go out and night and jump the remaining vampires and stake them, but now Blake has the upper hand! She's lured him to a parking garage and gathered a bunch of vampires together for mass vaccine/murder time. Yeah, he's pretty much fucked. 

Speaking of people who are fucked, Zoe comes home to Nick and finds him feeding on an unfortunate kittums. He tries to explain it away, saying that he just needs to eat. He says, "But I'm still hungry" and lunges at Zoe. The lights fade as we hear her scream.

Being Human airs Mondays at 9 p.m. on SyFy (imagine greater). Previous seasons are available on Netflix instant and DVD. 

We used to be friends

YOU GUYS. THREE WORDS. Three words you guys.

VERONICA. MARS. MOVIE.

At approximately 10:37 a.m. yesterday, Rob Thomas posted a Kickstarter campaign to fund an honest-to-God Veronica Mars movie. As of 8:55 p.m., not even twelve hours later, they hit their $2 million goal. This morning they've taken in over $2.5 million.

It's gonna happen.

I am beside myself over here, y'all. Veronica and Logan are my OTP*, and the thought that Rob & co. are getting the chance to wrap up their story -- not to mention giving the Neptune folks a slightly less bleak ending than they got in the series finale -- is enough to make me squeal like my 12-year-old niece at a Taylor Swift show.

I mean, right?

I will happily admit that I kicked in some money immediately upon discovering that they were looking to crowd-source the movie's funding. I've seen some pushback, though, particularly on Twitter, where some people are wondering what kind of precedent this sets for fans who essentially will end up paying to see the movie twice -- once via Kickstarter, and once more at the box office. But you know what? I honestly don't mind. I know I'm lucky to be able to afford to essentially drop $50 on a movie ticket, but I do believe Rob and friends are doing this for the love of the characters and the Veronica Mars universe, not as any sort of profit grab, and I am happy to pay more to help create a movie (any content, really) featuring a world that I love as much as I love Veronica Mars.

I suppose there is some risk that studios will read this as an indication that they don't need to take as many risks with off-center programming, given that fans will just pick up the slack for any projects they don't want to gamble on, but I don't necessarily think that's so. In the first place, this is a discrete project to give an ending to a cult favorite, not a brand-new project trying to launch. For that purpose, I think it's pretty genius -- essentially, rather than shelling out to send peanuts to the CBS offices, fans are spending that money to pay for the very projects we care the most about. (See what I did there?) In fact, Shawn Ryan tweeted that, if this works, he may consider it as a way to give the adored but hardly-watched Terriers a proper movie-length sendoff.

Besides, with companies like Netflix gambling more on shows like House of Cards, I am starting to climb on the bandwagon that the big studio/major network model is just about irreparably broken. If I have to chip in to fund programming that I love, that takes risks and is smart and engaging, then I'm more than willing to do it -- whether it's by paying for Netflix or contributing to a one-off Kickstarter campaign like this one.

I mean, if Joss Whedon had passed around the hat to fund Much Ado About Nothing, rather than paying for it on his own dime (and by "dime" I mean "Scrooge McDuck vault of cash from The Avengers"), wouldn't you have dropped a couple bucks in? I'd much rather pay (twice, even) for that kind of project to get off the ground than to sit around for years bitching on Twitter about how it's never going to happen.

Regardless, you should all visit the Veronica Mars Movie Project Kickstarter page. Give till it hurts, people. It's the only way Logan will ever live to smolder again! And while you're at it, make sure you watch their Kickstarter video. Priceless.

Never forget.

*Yes, six years after the show went off the air. I ain't ashamed.

Hot Fae on Fae

So, I honest to shit sat through Ice Quake and Snowmageddon over the weekend.  No, those aren't bad '80s hair bands. They're Syfy original movies, the latter of which involved copious amounts of snow being on fire somehow. But I am not an exec at Syfy so clearly I'm not evolved enough to understand how that works. But it's a new week, and that means the return of Lost Girl, part of Powerful Mondays (RAWR).

Lost Girl, if you have not seen it, is actually a Canadian show and not an original Syfy production, no matter how much Syfy wants to pretend that it sprang fully formed from its executive board room loins.

Most of my exposure to Canadian TV has revolved around '90s classics such as Kids in the Hall and Road to Avonlea (and the stellar miniseries Anne of Green Gables adaptations), but our neighbors to the north have come up with a solid sci-fi (yes, that's how it's spelled; network take note) slash fantasy program that's engaging and a little addictive. The show is sort of like Buffy-Meets-Undergrad-Writing-Class-Fantasy-Story, but the concept is generally well-handled and the storylines are easy to follow and tend to be reasonably interesting. Also, there's all sorts of sex. Bo, the main character, is bisexual and fucks pretty much anything that moves, and even when she's in a relationship, she's distracted by shiny objects. Oh, those wacky Canadians. The acting is pretty decent, although you get a sense sometimes from some characters that the actors playing them are trying a little too hard. So, if that sounds remotely interesting, and you can deal with the fact that there's likely a large overlap in the Venn Diagram amongst Lost Girl fans, Twihards and Ren Fair nerds, I'd recommend that you give it a shot. There are also really cool lighting fixtures.

Wardrobe courtesy of Hot Topic

If you've been following the show, we begin this week where we left off – with unaligned succubus Bo preparing for The Dawning. If she fails, she will become what is known as an Under Fae, which I think is something like a cross between Sarah Palin and Nancy Grace, but I'd have to check my sources on that one. 

Join us!

Bo is being helped by kindly Lodestar Fae, Stella Nashira, who is like some sort of blonde, skeletal Mr. Miagi. As part of her training, Bo is busily looking for the Sandhae Cricket of Good Fortune, which is hiding out in the Light Fae bar that Bo's grandfather Trick owns (long story).  

Bo can't find the cricket, and she needs the cricket's luck for The Dawning. Trick tries to reassure Bo that she will be able to make it through Fae Puberty.  Bo now has to wait for her invitation to the Temple, which is apparently where her Dawning will take place.  Stella's done all she can during Bo's training and releases her for the rest of the day. Stella asks Trick out to dinner to apologize for getting all severe on him, and Trick readily accepts because he's hot for her. Aww. Trick gettin' some action.

Bo calls her girlfriend Lauren and tells her she has the night off. While talking on the phone to her lady love, Bo happens upon a huge object just randomly sitting in the middle of the bar, and so of course she starts absent-mindedly fiddling with it. Because it totally belongs there and has always been there. Cue ominous music. Then the scene cuts to some girl tied to tubes and crying into them (although her sundress is quite fetching, so at least she's dressed well).  Plot point!

So, this machine that's randomly in Trick's bar for no reason looks like the kind of thing that makes Steam Punk kids' butter churn. It even emits white smoke. Has it elected a new pope? No, it's just trying to kill Bo. We later learn from Stella that it's actually a "game" and Bo accidentally activated it. It's through this game that Bo will prove whether she's ready to enter the Temple and face her Dawning. It's like an invitation to an invitation to an event TBA. Apparently, it's extra super complicated this time because, as we've all been reminded countless times, Bo is "special."

Lauren shows up at the bar and tells Bo she has great news! Lauren is some kind of genius medical science lady doctor, and she's won an award (named after a Jewish guy, ofs) for her work on free radicals, and she wants Bo to come to the reception banquet, which is that night. I don't really care for Lauren personally. She's rather clingy and controlling.  She seems a little more likable in this episode, but I'm still shipping Bo/Dyson or Bo/Tamsin (more on that later). Fortunately, their relationship is doomed! Lauren is human and Bo is Fae, and that never works out. Bo is a succubus, and when she's not kicking someone's ass, she's fucking someone else as a means to heal her…succubus…genes or something. Anyway, Lauren doesn't do it for her because she isn't Fae, so Bo often has to sleep with other people in order to heal. Cue relationship awkwardness. Bo also found out last week from her human BFF, Kenzi, that Bo's former love interest, Emo Werewolf Dyson, got his love back after visiting The Norn (longer story).

Your simultaneous interest in me and Taylor Lautner has me concerned.

Supposedly Dark Fae Valkyrie Tamsin has been hiding out at the bar this whole time. Ostensibly, she works on the popo force with Dyson as his partner for some sort of Light/Dark Fae goodwill diplomacy bullshit, but we all know she was really placed on the force to spy for the Dark and maybe get some dirt on Bo (Bo is technically unaligned, but she spends the vast majority of her time with humans and Light Fae). Tamsin gets real with Bo. She invites Bo out to lunch (Bo of course thinks Tamsin is flirting) and Tamsin tells Bo that everyone has been lying to her about The Dawning.

Don't worry, boys, there will still be hot girl-on-girl to keep you glued to your screen. 

Tamsin takes Bo to a different Light bar, and this is where her trouble starts. Over Bloody Marys, Tamsin tells Bo there's a good chance she won't make it through The Dawning. Stella tells Trick that, since Bo isn't there and he's Bo's blood relative, he has to basically choose Bo's obstacle course. Some choices he makes can help her out, but other choices he makes will hinder her progress. 

Choose wisely. 

Fortunately, Bo has Tamsin there to help her through her tasks. I thought at the beginning of this season that Tamsin was being introduced as a romantic interest for  Dyson, but it became apparent through the ensuing episodes that Tamsin had the hots for Bo, going so far as to defy The Morrigan in favor of Bo. That's significant because Tamsin is Dark Fae, and so her allegiance should be to The Morrigan, who is basically the Dark Fae queen. 

Back to the plot. The game has begun. These thugnificent gentlemen approach Bo and Tamsin in the bar and give Bo a hard time about being unaligned. They are waved to a back exit by a character named Balzac, and escape after Tamsin "distracts" the thug party by sucker punching them. Balzac is a spriggin, which is some kind of pixie. Balzac says Bo has to help him find "that which he truly seeks." You see, Bo said she owed Balzac for helping her and then shook on it, and Tamsin explains that the deal is binding. 

Bo's first task is to retrieve a "Cookie" from a personage known as The Fang. They find Fang and interrupt his bowl of ramen to get said Cookie. Bo tries to extract the Cookie from Fang using her succucharm, but then the game interferes and forces Trick to add some obscure Fae root to its little pot, and Bo loses her ability to speak. Thanks, Trick. Then someone randomly shoots darts at them. The gang escapes after Fang is hit, Cookie in hand.

Bo feels like since Balzac nearly got her killed and she got his Cookie that she upheld her end of the deal. Oh, no, no, no, my dear. I am only the catalyst of this week's plotline. The Cookie will only grant them passage to what Balzac truly, truly seeks. Part two of the scavenger hunt  involves our heroes heading to the "landlady" to get a "prescription."

Lauren calls, and Bo promises to be at her place within an hour. We all know Bo is going to break her promise to Lauren, since Bo is busy saving the world and hanging with Tamsin.

They have to gain entrance into Brazenwood. Tamsin says it's a dark and lawless territory full of lost souls. By that, she means it's the Fae trailer park. Or maybe it's full of carnies. Whichever.  It's apparently somewhere in suburban Toronto.

Bo protests, but Balzac appeals to her Wonder Woman senses. The true reason for this mission is to save Hannah, an outcast Dark Fae who has been taken prisoner by this nefarious character named Whitman, who is exploiting her. Bo can't give up a chance to save someone in distress, so she agrees to accompany Balzac into Brazenwood.

My pigtails and sundress indicate that I am a helpless ploy in this man's wicked, wicked games. 

Bo makes it to the entrance of Brazenwood, not before she has to have a tarot reading by the landlady. Bo pulls The Wanderer out of the deck, but it turns out that the deck is entirely The Wanderer and she reveals the landlady to be a fraud. Balzac pays the landlady in a handkerchief soaked in tears (drugs, what?) and the landlady writes them a script. Remember when they were running from a random homicidal archer? Well, he appears fully formed this time, in the shape of an extra from Deadwood. Bo, Tamsin and Balzac team up, and lock the archer/bounty hunter in a trailer that sounds as though it is chock full o' rabid dogs. Good times. 

Bo gives the Cookie to the gatekeeper, and he lets them through the gate into Brazenwood. Tamsin volunteers to stay with Bo through her dealings with the redneck Fae. The invitation forces Trick to pour Bo's least favorite drink into its little pot, and Bo starts acting like she's had a few too many and babbles senselessly about Dyson until Tamsin smacks her. Lauren's back at her apartment getting sloshed on champagne all on her lonesome, and she calls Bo to ask her where the hell she is. Bo inadvertently insults her and instantly feels terrible, but Tamsin urges her onward. 

Tamsin and Bo find the "pharmacist," and it turns out he's just some wasted dude sitting outside a shack. Bo goes into the shack, where she finds Hannah, who is, of course, the girl from the earlier scene. She's hooked up to a machine that's collecting her tears. Hannah is a squonk, and this means her tears are valuable as a Fae drug. Bo gives Hannah the great news that Bo is here to rescue her! Sadly, Hannah has Stockholm Syndrome and doesn't want to be rescued. Another challenge for our heroine! Everyone is always so happy when Bo rescues them. These kids today. Tamsin tells Bo she can't move a squonk voluntarily or she will literally dissolve into tears. 

Bo finally convinces Hannah to leave by promising that at the special school for special kids that Balzac wants to take her to (River Tam, what?) that there will be "super weird boys."  Not so fast! Mr. Whitman and the archer/bounty hunter (apparently having escaped from the puppies) catch Bo and Tamsin trying to help Hannah escape. They got to settle this here thing, Dark rules-like. Back at Trick's, Stella reveals to Trick that the invitation is legit trying to kill Bo. That's likely because Bo decides to bring a knife to a gun fight. Oh noes! There's more than one of the bounty hunter! Bo remembers her cricket training, and realizes that, much like the cricket, the bounty hunter is behind her. She stabs the bounty hunter, and he dies huge. Happy that Bo passes the test, Trick and Stella make out. Then Tamsin and Bo make out. 

At Lauren's, there's a knock at her door. It isn't Bo, but tissue engineer Isaac Taft, who has never met Lauren before but knows where she lives. Isaac gives Lauren her award and tells her that the reception was boring, so she really didn't miss much. He invites Lauren out for drinks and she agrees.  He's a huge fan of her work and she's a huge fan of his, so we can assume that they will want to do science to each other in upcoming episodes.

My last girlfriend got turned to toast by some evil Dark Fae entity. It looks like I'm doing the dumping this time!

Balzac runs into Trick's bar, letting Trick and Stella know that he screwed up and completely lost track of Bo. On cue, Bo enters with Tamsin and Hannah in tow. This turns the invitation on again, and Stella pours some of Hannah's tears into the little pot. Bo has officially passed the initial stages, and now she only has to wait for her official invitation to the Temple for The Dawning to officially begin. Stay tuned for more mayhem.

Bo shows up at Lauren's apartment avec Tamsin, but Lauren has already gone. Tamsin leaves her, and as she goes outside, she finds a Wanderer card on the ground. She picks it up and says, "No, no. Not her." Then it's suddenly raining tarot for no apparent reason, but kudos to Lost Girl for utilizing a sinister tarot card without going with the obvious Death card. 

Lost Girl stars Anna Silk as Bo, Ksenia Solo as Kenzi, Kris Holden-Ried as Dyson, Rachel Skarsten as Tamsin, Richard Howland as Trick, Deborah Odell as Stella and Zoie Palmer as Lauren. It airs Mondays at 10 p.m. EST on Syfy. 

House of Cards, Guvner.

Warning: mild plot spoilers for the American and British versions of House of Cards.

We all know that Netflix recently debuted its first original series, House of Cards, and made all 13 episodes available for streaming. But you may not know that the American series (starring Kevin Spacey) is actually adapted from a British miniseries (also called House of Cards and starring Ian Richardson). And in my opinion, the British version is far superior.

My fellow TV Slut Clovis recently wrote about the American version of House of Cards, and I agree with his assessment. The show is certainly engaging (some might even say addicting) and the relationship between Congressman Francis Underwood and his wife, Claire, is fascinating. And I also think that Clovis got it right when he pointed out that the Washington depicted in the show does not really exist and the writing is not always up to par.

But do you want to watch a version of the show that fixes these problems? Watch the British miniseries from the 1980s. It's also available on Netflix streaming (at least usually--when I tried to watch it last night I got a "content unavailable" message. Coincidence? I think not. I bet Netflix wants you to only watch their version of the story).

The British series follows a similar plot as the American version and is based on the novel House of Cards by Michael Dobbs. From wiki:

"The antihero of House of Cards is Francis Urquhart, a fictional Chief Whip of the Conservative Party, played by Ian Richardson. The plot follows his amoral and manipulative scheme to become leader of the governing party and, thus, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom."

See what I mean about the similarities? Francis Urquhart is also the whip of the controlling party and is also denied a senior cabinet position in the new government, much like Francis Underwood is denied the position of Secretary of State.  There are also other plot similarities: both men begin a relationship with a young reporter in an effort to control the media's message and both resort to murder to get what they want. Oh, and both have STONE COLD wives who are supportive of their various machinations.

But that's basically where the similarities end. Because where Underwood is sneaky and manipulative...Urquhart is full on maniacal and sociopathic. You think the things Underwood does are under-handed? Bitch, please. Urquhart brings down the government and delights in it. He revels. When he turns to the camera and delivers his monologues there is such an air of menace and malice that it will freeze your blood.

Ian Richardson has already come up with 10 ways to kill you. THROUGH THE COMPUTER.

In the American version, you get the feeling Underwood does these things because it's really the option left to him. He tried playing the game as a good guy and now it's time to change the rules. But that feeling of revenge fizzles out after the first few episodes and we are left with a man's naked ambition. But for Urquhart, it's all about full on Shakespeare "dish best served cold" style. He is going to make those bitches PAY. Also, while the characters both perform similar roles in their quest for power (lover to a reporter, murderer), please believe me when I say that Urquhart's are FAR MORE fucked up.

He makes her call him "Daddy."

Have you ever seen Othello? You know those parts where Iago is delivering his monologues and really lets his crazy shine through, but then he turns to the other characters and seamlessly plays the "just one of the boys best friend" part? Ian Richardson has that shit down cold.  The other characters continually underestimate Urquhart because he just seems like an old stodger. But then you get a glimpse at the man's mind and his plans...and damn. You really believe he could contrive to rule the world.

Andrew Davies (the acclaimed British screenwriter whom you might know from Pride and Prejudice and Bleak House) wrote the original House of Cards and the quality of the writing and acting is astounding. Not that Kevin Spacey is a slouch, but Ian Richardson brings the full force of his Shakespearean training to the part. There's a gleam in his eye and a song in his heart as he takes down the government, and you'll find yourself riveted. He often spoke about he used Richard III as a model for the character...and it shows.

The original House of Cards was recommended to me by a college government professor. I first watched it in...say 1999...and it has stayed with me ever since. While watching the American version, I couldn't help but think*, "this could never actually happen." First of all, no American politician is that smart. Second, the situations and manipulations just never seem real. But something about the British version...y'all it feels REAL. And that's the most terrifying part.

The British House of Cards (called The House of Cards Trilogy (BBC)) is available from Netflix streaming and on DVD. It consists of three miniseries, House of Cards, To Play the King, and The Final Cut.

*Watching the American version also made me think, "I wish I was watching the British version."

You Shady Bitch

Hello, everyone! It's me, Lady Gillian Ravenscroft-Anderson, under my new moniker, Arsenic Pie. I had a Google account and Google wouldn't let me change my name, since my aristocratic pseudonym somehow violates their name policy, but Arsenic Pie they are totally fine with. So, since Google wouldn't let me change my chosen nom de plume, I decided to go with Arsenic Pie, in homage to dear Anna Bates, and this will be the name I write under forthwith.

This creative sobriquet debacle naturally turned my attention to drag queens.

                                                                     Can I get an amen?

This week on RuPaul's Drag Race, the big news after Jade Jolie's elimination (will miss you, Jade!) is that Miss Alaska no longer wants to be part of Rolaskatox. No, that's not a new drug for that nasty skin rash. That's a clique comprised of Alaska, Roxxxy Andrews (yes, I spelled that right) and Detox. Ro-laska-tox. Alaska's upset that she hasn't won a challenge yet, and feels that leaving Rolaskatox will allow her to stand out.  Alaska wins the mini-challenge, involving improv verbal bitch-slaps of fellow queens (known apparently in drag circles as "reading").  It's on to this week's main challenge: The RuPaul Roast (proudly supported by Absolut). They will be roasting Ru, and each other, in front of a live audience. No one is safe at a roast, chickens!

Eat your heart out, Natalie Portman!

There's high pressure on Jinkx Monsoon (the "k" is silent), known thus far as the comedy queen. Her turn as Little Edie from Grey Gardens during the Snatch Game a few weeks ago was a ballsy (heh) move that paid off. She won that challenge due in no small part to her professional and highly entertaining performance. Pressure is also on Ivy Winters, who is very polite and sweet, and we all know that doesn't lead to snarkiness. The tiresome rivalry between Coco Montrese and Alyssa Edwards (who became frenemies during a previous pageant) rears its orange-foundationed head. Alyssa is failboating all over the place trying to come up with jokes, and there's a real chance that she will go home and her old rival Coco will triumph! The dramz!

                                                                      Craycray. Party of one. 

This is the episode where we learn that Miss Jinkx has narcolepsy. Seriously. She's the Narcoleptic Drag Queen. She falls asleep in the workroom, which is the funniest thing that happens during the first half of the episode. My money was on Alaska to win this challenge. She's had some of the best one-liners this season. However, Coco's presenting a challenge as RuPaul's ghetto cousin, and although Jinkx is a mad talented actress, her runway has been her weak point. 

                                                            Girrrrlll. You got to be more FIERCE.

Helping in their roasting quest are: RuPaul's First Lady, show judge Michelle Visage; comedienne Deven Green; comedienne Nadya Ginsberg; and Bruce Valanch. Many of the jokes during the queens' dry run fall flatter than a bad weave. All of these bitches better step up their game posthaste.

During the runway and live roast, Alaska starts off, ribbing guest judge Lesley Jordan and Michelle Visage, and kills it. She is laugh-out loud funny. It was a gutsy move for her to choose to go first, and she will be a tough act to follow. Roxxxy Andrews is up next, with lame jokes and painful delivery. Up next is Coco Montrese, bringing up the energy level back to where Alaska established it. Coco is followed by Jinkx Monsoon, who brings it!  Ivy Winters surprises everyone with funny jokes and well-timed delivery, although she is visibly nervous and relies heavily on her note cards. Alyssa does an all right job, and maybe it would be passable if her competition hadn't been so, um, FIERCE! Her jokes range from obvious to mean, and her delivery is only okay. She's completely upstaged by the other queens. Finally, Detox brings it home. I'm a fan of f-bombs, but Detox drops too many out of nerves. However, the rest of her jokes and her delivery show comedic ability, so she is definitely safe. At the end of the challenge, it really looks like the person in most danger of being eliminated is Roxxxy, who had done reasonably well in the competition up to this point.  A triumph for Miss Jinkxsy Ma'am tonight is that Michelle finally praises her runway look, which she's been very critical of for not being glamorous enough.

Coco wins! Unsurprisingly, the bottom two are Alyssa and Roxxxy, and Ivy is safe. The queens lip-synch it out to "Whip My Hair," by Willow Smith. Roxxxy breaks down and tells us her mom never wanted her. She left Roxxxy and her sister at a bus stop when they were little. Oh, please. I thought strife made people funny, but apparently not.  I think that'll be my excuse for everything for the rest of my life from now on. Ru gets emotional, saying that gay people get to choose their family, and tells her that they all love her. Well, after that, you can't eliminate anyone without looking totally heartless, soooo…SHANTE YOU BOTH STAY!! Call me cynical (I am), but I think that was a ploy by Roxxxy to stay on the show. 

                                                                     Now in grape!

After the "shocking" double elimination a few weeks ago, the show can afford to save two people this week. At least the theatrics will continue between Alyssa and Coco for another week. We'll see what sorts of shenanigans the Drag Race ladiez have in store for us next week. RuPaul's Drag Race airs Mondays at 9 p.m. EST on LOGO. 

Werk!

White Collar: "Shoot the Moon"

I'm a little behind on White Collar, but let me pick up where I left off with "Shoot the Moon."

In this episode, we find that Neal is in a friends-with-benefits relationship with Sarah (his old flame the Insurance Investigator). He's also consulting on her latest assignment - the security of Marie Antoinette's perfume bottle. Meanwhile, Peter and Elizabeth are planning a romantic getaway with no disturbances. In other words, if something were to happen, no one would miss them for days and days... Yeah, nothing is going to wrong with that plan. Just before they leave, Jones brings over an IRS file on Ellen - she apparently worked for a security company in the Empire State Building after she left witness protection. Recall from previous episodes that the Empire State Building is where she hid the evidence box that will (purportedly) exonerate Neal's father. Oooh, plot arc-y.

Peter and Elizabeth swing by the perfume bottle exhibit, and instantly deduce that Neal and Sarah are "back in the saddle," so to speak... God I hope there are no actual saddles involved. ANYWAY Elizabeth asks them to take care of the dog in an obvious attempt to throw them together (this will actually be important later). After they leave, a couple of amateur criminals shoot up the place and make off with the perfume bottle - running into a carjacking/kidnapping Peter and Elizabeth on their way. We find out that he's Nate "Oz" Osbourne - a petty thief who got sentenced to 15 years for assaulting a cop (except he didn't) - and she's Penny Chase - his creepy prison pen-pal who helped him escape. In his letters Oz promised her grandiose things, and seems to be delivering on his promises via daring daylight robberies. Naturally.

In her defense, he's pretty hot when he takes off the mask.

The fly in the proverbial ointment - if the criminals find out that Peter is an FBI agent, they are likely to do something stupid. Or rather, do something EVER STUPIDER than what they've been doing so far. Elizabeth uses her charm to distract Oz and Penny, but it's not enough and they catch Peter going for his gun. Uh-oh. This makes them desperate, and they decide to grab their last target and go out in a blaze of glory. DOUBLE UH-OH. Meanwhile, Neal and Sarah figure out their next target by reading through the badly-written romance novel that is Oz and Penny's correspondence - he says "I'll give you the moon," so OBVIOUSLY they're going after a moon rock. To the science museum! *cue original Batman TV series style screen wipe*

The FBI hasn't been sitting on its hands, either - they've found Peter and Elizabeth's car and cell phones, and realize that they've been taken by Oz and Penny. Time for a good old fashioned shoot-out, right? Wrong. Neal breaks in to the museum, steals the moon rock before Oz can get there, and uses it (successfully) to bargain for Peter's release. In the other room, Elizabeth uses psychology to disarm Penny - figuratively AND literally. In the end, she can't just leave them to die, so she drags Peter along to convince them that this whole "blaze of glory" thing is not as awesome as the other option, "grow old together." And it works - hooray!

How cute are they?

In other news, Neal goes over to Peter and Elizabeth's house to take care of the dog... and finds the IRS file on Ellen. Thinking he's still working under orders from Elizabeth to keep Peter out of danger, he snaps a few photos and prepares to start his search of the Empire State Building. At the end of the episode, however, Elizabeth confesses to asking Neal to lie. Peter turns around and confesses as well - his grand plan all along was to step back and let Neal do the legwork in finding the box. Gah, I can't take it anymore! Lies on top of lies! Circles within circles! When does it end?

Quite soon, actually. Only two more episodes of White Collar this season - stay tuned!

Squee-cap - Glee Goes Hollywood

This week on Glee saw the return of Ms. Pillsbury, two dream sequences, and several kiss confessions. Are "kiss confessions" a thing? If they weren't before, they totally are now!

It was mash-up week at McKinley High, with the theme Film Music. The usual competition between the boys and the girls was turned up a notch, since the winners get to star in Artie's senior film project. But first a co-ed warm up - Blaine and Brittany dancing crazy to "Shout," which I guess was the show's 500th song? Whatevs.

Look at me! I'm dancing crazy!

 The boys went first, and killed with a mash-up of "Highway to the Danger Zone" and "Old Time Rock and Roll." The girls went next with a mash-up of "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" and "Material Girl" - Unique (and to a lesser extent, Marley) kicked ass, but for me it didn't incorporate enough of "Material Girl." Was that just me? Anyway, it didn't even matter in the end because the winner was... everyone. Artie literally needed every single Glee kid for his film. *eye roll*

Meanwhile, Mr. Schuester is having trippy dreams about him and Ms. Pillsbury performing "You're All The World To Me" in one of those gravity-trick rooms (like that Lionel Richie video for "Dancing On The Ceiling" - look it up!). I guess that means he misses her, even though he doesn't really want to admit it. Finn tries to convince Mr. Schuester to put aside his butt hurt and go after Ms. Pillsbury - but he doesn't know where to find her. Finn and Artie end up tricking her parents into telling them where she is (her sister's house - how hard was that?).

Mr. Schuester shows up in her driveway, holding up a boom box and singing "In Your Eyes" a la Say Anything. Only one question remains... where did he even FIND a boom box? Do they still make those? ANYWAY, Ms. Pillsbury tells Mr. Schuester that she needs time to get reacquainted with him, and he agrees to "start over." Mr. Schuester thanks Finn for talking him into reconciling with Ms. Pillsbury - and Finn blurts out that he kissed her. Dun dun DUN! More on this drama next week.

Aforementioned boom box. Seriously, who still had one of these lying around?

Something I forgot in my previous recap - when Marley told Ryder that she knew he was planning her Valentine's Day, he kissed her. For some reason she confides in Kitty (or as I like to call her, Quinn 2.0) - so pretty soon everyone will know. Jake makes a romantic gestured copied out a movie that came out when he was an infant - "Unchained Melody" from Ghost. Marley spends half the time fantasizing about kissing Ryder, and the other half observing herself and Jake from across the room. Then she confesses, and he just walks out on her, leaving her sobbing and covered in clay. *sigh* Am I caring yet? Is this what it feels like to care about these people? Cause it feels a lot like NOT CARING AT ALL.

Up in New York, Santana is BITCH-TASTIC. Seriously, every line out of her mouth is more terrible, selfish, and hurtful than the next and I LOVE IT. Especially when she starts in on Brody (New Rachel's icky boyfriend) - from rooting around in all of their belongings, she found a pager and a wad of cash. She has drawn the conclusion that Brody is a drug dealer. Here I thought he was just a prostitute. And in a private moment (see, sometimes even bitches have tact) she corners Rachel about the pregnancy test - Rachel sobs, and they hug it out. That's cute and all, but Santana better not just be in NYC to drive What's Her Face's plot line. Don't make me go all Lima Heights all up in here!

Santana casts some EPIC side-eye. You have been warned. 

Saving the best for last... this episode contains a dream sequence with Kurt and Blaine pledging a love eternal via the duet, "Come What May" from Moulin Rouge. You initially think that Blaine's dreaming about getting Kurt back, but NO! It's Kurt's dream - Santana calls him out for crying during what used to be "their song." Again with the bitch ex machina. Adam asks Kurt about it later, and he confesses that he is still in love with Blaine - hooray! Adam does not bow out gracefully, and seems intent on wooing Kurt's heart away. Hrm... Adam has not really done anything to incite my wrath (or really much at all), but I feel like I should want his hopes to die in a fiery explosion. You know, on principle. This will require further thought...

But What Does It All Mean? AHS Season Two Wrap Up

American Horror Story: Asylum was certainly more ambitious than the show’s first season, now retroactively re-titled American Horror Story: Murder House. The scope of the story was bigger, the production values higher and the characters murkier. And while I personally felt like it wasn’t nearly as scary as the inaugural outing (more on that in a minute), I do think that the show made all the right strides toward developing not only as a series, but also in terms of being taken more seriously than just a gimmick-y horror show that changes stories whenever it gets bored.

Um.. think you've got a little something in your eye there, Sister... nope, still there...

Certainly a major theme of the season was misogyny is all its ugly forms. The repeated number of rapes in this season would have been laughable if it wasn’t disturbing. Lana bore the brunt of most of the anger against women, but Sister Jude saw her fair share as well. And poor Shelly could not have been a clearer message if she was wearing a neon sign instead of the drab jumper and mutation make-up she spent most of her time in. It’s tempting to chalk most of that up to “the times they lived in” and try to remember that this was a period show for the majority of this season, but it felt like more than that was going on. Just like it could be tempting to unravel all these threads into some kind of statement about religion or the Catholic church’s oppression of minorities, women, homosexuals and anyone it didn’t agree with, but then the corroborating evidence never seemed to arrive.

Which may well be the main takeaway of the season – the subplots that never really plotted. When aliens first showed up at the beginning of the very first episode, I was honestly not surprised. AHS is a series that will throw literally anything to the wall to see if it sticks, so aliens were actually almost quaintly conventional. But what did they do? We never got what they were after and we never learned anything about them other than that they apparently had nothing better to do with their time than muck about with Kit’s life. Likewise, why did Arden’s Nazi past matter so much if we never got anything for it other than the parallels between the Nazi internment camps and the Asylum itself and returning theme of the inmates, including those woods zombies, as chattel in either case?

I was legitimately creeped out by the second episode “Tricks and Treats” when the possessed boy was brought to the asylum for an exorcism. Exorcisms and possession scare the daylights out of me (blame my Catholic upbringing) and when I saw that demon possession was going to a component of this season, everything clicked for me. The 1960s was probably the last great era of Catholicism in the United States and so to pair that timeframe with a demonic possession story seemed inspired to me. But then, that pesky little devil never really did anything other than get the best one-liners and generally make Sister May Eunice one of the most fun characters to watch. Much like the aliens, it felt a little like the demon’s heart just wasn’t really into this story.

It leads to the question of what really is horror, especially on a television series? True to promises made last summer before the season aired, this season was completely ghost-less, a remarkable turnabout from the parade of endlessly horny poltergeists in Murder House.  Asylum’s horror was much more rooted in how frightening average, normal people can be all on their own, which is probably why the alien and possession subplots fell so flat and why watching Lana’s transition from Intrepid Girl Reporter to rag doll abusee to eventual Living Moral Ambiguity Machine was so interesting. The entire question gets summarized nicely in the end of course, as Sister Jude not-so-subtly reminds the viewers of the very Nietzsche-esque message of the season - when you stare into madness, madness stares back at you. 

Is it a mirror? Is it a reflection? Is it an album cover?

A final takeaway, though an obvious one, is that Jessica Lange continues to rock every single scene she finds herself in. I don’t know if an established career actress can ever legitimately be said to be the breakout star of a show, but if that’s possible than that’s what Lange has done in two seasons. Her award-winning depiction of Constance the fading southern belle was every bit as memorable as the harsh, demented but ultimately sympathetic Sister Jude. Given enough time, American Horror Story may be able to run an effective season without Lange, but thankfully it doesn’t have to just yet.

Speaking of which, it’s never too early to ponder what we might see from season three, premiering in just a scant seven months. Here’s what we know so far:

First, several veterans will be returning for the next season including Lange, Francis Conroy (Old Moira, the Angel of Death), Sarah Paulson (Lana), Evan Peters (Kit, Tate), Lily Rabe (Sister Mary Eunice) and Taissa Farminga who played Violet in season one. Kathy Bates (Misery) has also been announced as a main character based on someone who was apparently real. As is now practice for the show, creator Ryan Murphy says that he has dropped a hint as to next season’s story and location in this year’s episode “The Name Game”. Given the jukebox playing “I’ve Put A Spell On You”, speculation is leaning strongly toward witches being a theme next season. Murphy has also said that he wants to get back to the “evil glamour” aspect of the show, which bodes well not only for Jessica Lange never having to wear a habit again, but also serves as a possible hint itself.

Call yourselves warned, people. You’ve got seven months to stitch together your Pillow of Fear in preparation.

Snowquester

Guess what I did with my snow day?

That's the DVR at 0%! When was the last time THAT happened? Probably when I first got the DVR a few years ago.

Thanks for closing, Federal government (even if the snow didn't end up sticking around these parts)! Is it wrong that I feel more a sense of accomplishment from this than I do from a full day at my usual job?

Since you people are spending your time reading a tv blog, I'm gonna guess that your answer is no.