Throwing Chairs

Perhaps I was naive. Perhaps I was just foolish. But I honestly thought that the age of the Jerry Springer-esque daytime television show had passed. I remember when Jerry Springer and those kind of shows were all the rage; they used to show episodes in the college late-night dining area and people would cheer and catcall whenever so and so ghetto trailer park person (sure it's a stereotype but that doesn't mean it's inaccurate) would physically attack the other ghetto trailer park person, screaming and tossing chairs around. Despite being a "reality" program that kind of behavior always felt so unreal to me. Those people were in on the joke, right?

When Jerry Springer and his show bowed quietly out of sight it was like the nation released a collective sigh of relief. "At last," we thought, "we can move on to more mature programming like The Bachelor, Celebrity Apprentice, and Jersey Shore." At least that was what I thought happened. But I guess I was wrong.

Because last week, while working at home and changing out of my gym clothes, I switched on the tv and there it was. Maury Povich doing a "who is the baby daddy?" themed show where people without jobs or anything useful to do except fornicate (badly--or well depending on how you look at it) yelled at one another. Actually, everyone yelled. The guests, the audience, it's just a whole bunch of people screaming profanities at one another.

Needless to say, I was surprised to see this. I thought we had moved on from this kind of thing. Maury just sits there with a little smile on his face and a "don't blame me" expression and that makes ME want to scream and throw chairs around. Because I have to wonder--who are these people? What are their lives like that they think going on this show is a good idea? Can they not afford the at home DNA kit? Do they have so little self-respect and self-worth that they think being on television makes them a good person? And is this really my fault (i.e. America's fault) for making this kind of culture and behavior ok? And how does Maury Povich deal with this kind of thing every single damn day?

I don't have any real answers here, just more questions. And a feeling of sadness that this kind of thing passes for entertainment. Maybe the people who watch these shows just feel better about themselves after seeing how messy the guests' lives are? Maybe being judgmental and smug and acting like the over-educated under-sexed East Coast liberal that I am makes ME feel better about myself? I don't know. But I do one thing--in my family we don't throw chairs. It's just rude.

Same Stuff, Different Day

Doctor Who has returned! For those not in the know, the umpteenth season of Doctor Who began airing on BBC America last Saturday. The good news is the episode was really good. The bad news is I feel like I have seen it before.

I wasn't all together pleased with last season (remind yourself of why I was disappointed here). After all the hype and expectation surrounding Steven Moffat's take over of the show, last season left me feeling kind of cold. Sure things got better at the end, and Matt Smith and the last moments of the season finale (where Amy "remembers" the Doctor back to life) were awesome, but overall I felt very ho-hum about the whole thing.

Last Saturday's premiere episode had a lot of things going for it. The entire production moved to America and we got some very cool shots of the Doctor and his companions (including River Song) frolicking in the Southwest, as well as Matt Smith adorably proclaiming that Stetsons are cool. Yes, yes they are. Oh, and remember that part where the DOCTOR GOT SHOT AND DIED. Like, for realsies. First he got shot. Then he started regenerating. Then he got SHOT AGAIN AND DIED. Yikes. I'm not sure how they're going to get themselves out of that one. But at least it was completely surprising and unexpected. Unfortunately, that was kind of the last thing about the episode that was.

Look, there's no doubt that Steven Moffat is a brilliant writer. I think fans of the news series of Doctor Who would almost universally list his episodes as their favorites. The Girl in the Fireplace, the Doctor Dances, Blink...these are genius. But I'm getting the impression he is beginning to run out of tricks and has been dipping into the same well a bit too often. The Impossible Astronaut featured a creepy child's voice (The Empty Child), a silent alien enemy that messes with your mind and sight (Blink), a lumbering astronaut (Silence in the Library), and frankly, a derivative episode title (The Impossible Planet).

Was it entertaining? Hell yes. Did it have me on the edge of my seat? Absolutely. Was it scary? Affirmative. But did it feel fresh? Eh. I'm excited to see part 2 on Saturday night and anything that puts Mark Sheppard on my tv is ok by me, but again, I can't help but feel a teeny bit let down. I'm hoping things will take a more surprising turn with second episode, and maybe Moffat can break away from his standard plot devices soon. And there's always the Neil Gaiman episode to look forward to...

Doctor Who airs on BBC America Saturdays at 9:00pm EST (they are also rerunning The Impossible Astronaut at 8:00 this Saturday in case you missed it).

Chris Colfer Makes the Time 100

Someone recently asked me, all incredulous, why I liked Kurt from Glee so much. This is why.

My So-Called Life Strikes Back

People (meaning bloggers meaning me) like to go on and on about shows they loved but nobody watched. Let me tell you about Firefly, let me tell you about Freaks and Geeks, blah blah blah.

But seriously. Let me tell you about My So-Called Life. Because it changed my life. You know the deal: high schooler Angela Chase goes through an identify crisis, is in love with grungy Jordan Catalano, has a crazy best friend, Rayanne, and just kind of fumbles her way through being a teenager. From the way I thought, to the way I dressed, to the things I wanted, this show changed me. I know that sounds really dumb (hello, it was a television show, perspective please) but when you're an impressionable 14 year old, some things just stick with you. And My So-Called Life will always hold a special place in my heart for a couple reasons:

1) It was the inspiration for my plaid-wearing phase in 8th grade.

2) Angela's stalking/crushing of Jordan Catalano was something I could ABSOLUTELY identify with.

3) It's release on DVD was the reason I signed up for Netflix.

4) Ricky was the first time I remember seeing a gay character television on tv, and as a lifetime hag, I can tell you that was a hugely impressionable for 14 year old Maggie.

So when I read on USA Today's Pop Watch Blog that the Sundance Channel was going to start airing My So-Called Life, I got really happy. Like irrationally happy. I mean, I own the DVDs, I can watch it anytime I want, but the idea that it would be back on tv just made me...joyful. More people can discover the angst of being a teenager in the 90s! More opportunities for discussion of Jordan Catalano vs. Brian Krakow (for the record then it was Jordan, now it is CLEARLY Brian)! More chances to cry over the Christmas episode where Angela learns about homelessness! More of Ricky's eyeliner and Rayanne's being crazy and wonderful and the worst and best friend ever! More quotes from Our Town!

If you have never seen it, watch it. If you saw it and loved it, watch it. It's...life. Well, a so-called one. And is there really any other kind?

I was all ready to write a happy post about the return of Doctor Who this Saturday on BBC America...but then things got sad.

Elizabeth Sladen, who portrayed one of the most loved and best companions of all time, Sarah Jane Smith, died yesterday due to cancer.

I am a relatively new fan to the Who-verse, meaning I started watching with the Ninth Doctor, but Sarah Jane's episode with David Tennant ("School Reunion") and K-9 was one of my favorites. The actress impressed me with her talent, and the character impressed me with her smarts, spunk, and obvious love for the Doctor. I also really enjoyed her spin-off series The Sarah Jane Adventures. And don't forget that Sarah Jane was back for the two-parter "The Stolen Earth" and "Journey's End" (along with a lot of the newer companions) to help bid David Tennant's time on the show a fond farewell.

The point of all this blabbering is that Sarah Jane was truly a cornerstone of the Doctor Who world, both to fans of the classic series and the newer incarnation alike. All yesterday people involved with the show tweeted and commented about the impact she had on the show, and I know she will be truly missed. Maureen Ryan over at TV Squad has a nice write-up about Elizabeth Sladen, and I recommend you check it out.

As we move forward with the newest season of Doctor Who on Saturday, take a moment to remember all the people who have been involved in this show over the past 50 years. It's more than just a television program--it's truly a part of our cultural history.

Secret Diary of a Call Girl: Season 3

God, I love this show. And I love the main character, Hannah/Belle. She is unapologetic for loving what she does (i.e. being a prostitute) and is in total control of her own body and sexuality. That doesn't mean her relationships aren't all totally screwed up; it just means she doesn't have the same kind of problems as your average gal. No, her problems are of a much more different sort, more in the vein of "I hope my boyfriend can handle me having sex with multiple people for money."

Monkey Sri originally wrote about the early episodes of Secret Diary of a Call Girl here and here, back when our main focus was the titillation factor of Rose from Doctor Who* getting naked. I devoured the first two seasons of the show on Netflix, which frankly isn't that hard since there are only 8 episodes per season and they are only about 25 minutes long. But it's an addicting show with just the right blend of drama, sex, clothes, and humor. Think of it as a steamier, slicker, more cynical, and less annoying Sex and the City.

The third season and the first few episodes of the fourth season are now available on my Showtime On Demand, so I spent some time this past weekend catching up. The third season finds Belle still working on her own (outside the control of her former agency and madame, Stephanie) and dealing with the publication of her first book, a tell all about the life of a London call girl. Her hot male editor is pushing her to write a second book that goes further into people's kinks and fantasies, so she begins to take on new types of clients, often to strange and yet entertaining results. Hannah/Belle is also very attracted to her editor which opens its own can of worms: where exactly does a whore draw the line regarding sex in the workplace? Add in a subplot about Hannah's sister beginning a relationship with her best friend, Ben, and Bambi (a fellow call girl) falling for a client and there is a quite a bit of drama.

But through all the mess, the show is, at it's heart, about a working girl in London trying to have it all. The "work" in question just happens to be sex work. Remember, Hannah wasn't abused as a child, has never been addicted to anything, and doesn't have any children to support. She just really likes sex, money, and not working a 9-5 job. Lucky for me her work is so damn entertaining.

*In the second season of the show, Matt Smith, the current Doctor on Doctor Who, appeared as one of Belle's clients. So at least we got the "will the new Doctor and Rose ever have sex?" question out of the way.

Game of Thrones Review

UPDATE: Game of Thrones has already been renewed for a second season. That was quick!

Today's challenge: organize my thoughts on last night's Game of Thrones premiere into a coherent post discussing what went right and what went wrong. The problem here is three-fold; 1) the show aired less than 12 hours ago and I am trying to wrap my head around it, and 2) when you've been waiting for something for so long (in this case a year) it can be hard to decide just how you feel when you finally get it.

But here's the big problem: I think I might have too much prior knowledge (meaning I am a fan of the books). George RR Martin's world building skills are masterful, and he created a land of endless details, not just about the geography, but mostly the people. Just the sheer number of characters in the books are daunting, to say nothing of what houses they are from, the land they control, and who has married who.

The issue is that I don't think I am an accurate judge of how well the show was able to provide this kind of knowledge to the audiencce, because I already know it. I already know that Ned of House Stark and Winterfell married Cat (from Riverrun in the South) and they have 5 children together but Jon Snow is also Ned's son, but from another woman so he is a bastard and that makes Cat really resentful so Jon always feels like an outsider. So when the show tries to elegantly fold this knowledge into their dialogue...I already know it. Did newbies get it? I hope so. I will say that it didn't seem clunky to me, and a lot of info was telegraphed by looks and actions, but I'm not sure if it was confusing to newcomers or if they would have caught all the subtleties.

But you don't really care about all that, do you? You want to know if the show is any good. Well, I liked it. I'll definitely keep watching; HBO for sure went balls out on this one, they must have spent a fortune and you can see it up there on the screen. The costumes, the locations, the huge cast, you can't say they didn't go for it. And they didn't shy away from any of the book material either: you got a full on shot of Jamie and Cersei (twin brother and sister) screwing like bunnies. We definitely met the incest quota of the night.

I only really have one complaint. And I know I am going to get some shit for this because it is such a DUMB complaint. But...I think they might have stuck too close to the book. Since I am familiar with the books, there were no surprises here. The opening of the show was exactly the same as the opening of the book. A lot of the dialogue came from the book. Things progressed almost exactly as they do in the book. To most people, that would be a plus. But I know other HBO shows (*cough True Blood cough*) uses the books as a jumping off point to create their own stories. Game of Thrones just isn't going to be a lot of fun if I know every plot twist before it happens.

So, yes. I am actually complaining that a television adaption is too close to the source material. I am just never happy.

But enough of this kvetching! Let's get to the good stuff: first of all, the cast. Top notch all around. It's no secret that I love (or am obsessed with) Sean Bean, so of course I think he was awesome. Ned Stark is something of a thankless role, he's loyal to a fault (literally), always does what's right, even when it's not smart, but can be tender with his family. I thought Sean Bean really depicted Ned's struggles well. I was also impressed with the guy playing Jamie who had the right combo of dashing rogue and scary badass, and while Lena Headey didn't have a lot to do in the premiere, there were enough hints of Cersei's ruthlessness to make me feel good about all the things to come. I'm not going to go through everyone in the cast of thousands, so let's just leave it at everybody did great and I love Peter Dinklage. I still say he is too handsome for Tyrion though.

Other good stuff: the Wall, the White Walkers, the scene in the Stark crypt, everything about King Robert, the Stark kids, the opening sequence (which was really awesome), also everything about Daenerys and her creepy abusive brother, and the direwolves who were so cute it almost made me want to throw up.

No one can argue that the plot here isn't enormously complicated, and again, it centers around the past of all these characters and how they interact. For my part, I thought the show did a good job of introducing all the different plotlines and hinting about how they come together. The show is called Game of Thrones after all: it seems clear that all these people are jockeying for power. And however far Daenerys might be removed from the action of the other plots, it was clear that her story will have as much an eventual impact on who holds the throne as any of the others.

Overall, I enjoyed it. Other than the "no surprises" thing, I don't really have any complaints. Well, Winterfell seemed less severe than I expected, and Robb's hair wasn't red enough, but whatcha gonna do? There's just no pleasing me. I'm excited for the next episode, and that might be all you really need to know. Feel free to leave a comment, especially discussing how well the show was able to impart the ridiculous amount of backstory.

Sing it, Tyra.

America's Next Top Model is one of my (many) guilty pleasures. I'm not really sure what it is: the bitchy clueless models, the ridiculous and yet fabulous photo shoots, the behind-the-scenes-fake insight into the fashion world, Mr. Jay....but you don't see Tyra Banks on this list, do you?

The woman is undeniably gorgeous, but also kind of crazy. Certainly a bit self-obsessed. But you can't accuse her of pulling punches, or not telling it like it is. And sometimes, you just really need someone to lay the truth on one those wanna be models. And boy, did Tyra lay down some hard truth last week.

Let me set the scene: Alexandria is a control freak who is universally hated by the other girls on the show. Unfortunately for them, she is also one of the strongest competitors. I've never really found her as heinous as some other people, mostly because I can relate to her controlling tendencies and I always take reality television editing with a grain of salt.

Now, Brittani, who is also one of the top contenders for this year's prize, has apparently been leading the "I hate Alexandria" wagon train. In the girls' most recent photo challenge, Alexandria was the winner and got the prize of a new car. A Ford, but still. Free car. Brittani decided to let loose with a tirade on the set sidelines about how the judge (Nigel Barker) had picked the wrong woman, Alexandria was a terrible role model for Ford's campaign to aid breast cancer research, blah blah I'm a jealous bitch rant.

Alas, she chose a poor moment to rail on Alexandria, who managed to stay calm through the whole encounter, because judge Nigel was standing right there and saw the whole thing. He didn't say anything about it at the time, but he awesomely called Brittani out at panel for her horrible behavior. Pointing out that not only did he hear her rant, but the client (i.e. Ford) heard it too.

And then Tyra, sweet Tyra. She called out Brittani for being unprofessional, a terrible role model herself, and a bad model for not just shutting the hell up and doing her job. And I cheered. Literally, sat up on the couch and cheered for Miss. Tyra Banks. Brittani of course had a "panic attack" and had to leave the stage, but really it was just a temper tantrum. When she returned to the set, Tyra upbraided her again and almost eliminated her ass. The only reason she wasn't eliminated was because the other judges outvoted Tyra.

You guys, this might be my second favorite Tyra moment of all time. The first is, of course, when Tyra screamed at poor Tiffany for not being upset enough when she was eliminated way back in cycle 4. If you want to read the whole transcript of the tyrant, you can find it here courtesy of TWOP, but here's a taste:


I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE YELLED AT A GIRL LIKE THIS! WHEN MY MOTHER YELLS LIKE THIS IT'S BECAUSE SHE LOVES ME! I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU! WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU! HOW DARE YOU! LEARN SOMETHING FROM THIS!

Pure poetry, people.

So here's hoping Tyra keeps it up and goes more for tough love and less crazy. Because 16 cycles or so in, this show still has enough bitchery, sequins, stilettos, and homosexuals to keep me interested.

Big Love: The Final Season

This post contains spoilers for Season 5 and the finale of Big Love. You have been warned!

Well, that's another show over. After 5 seasons (and three almost four wives), HBO bid a fond adieu to Big Love not too long ago. Yes, I am a bit behind, and no, I don't care. That is what On Demand is for.

The show went out with a bang...literally. As you may or may not know, Bill kicks it in the end, shot by his crazy neighbor. And it didn't have anything to do with polygamy or politics or really anything...nope, the neighbor had just been slowly descending into mental problems following the loss of his job and his feelings of inadequacy. Apparently, Bill resodding the neighbor's lawn without being asked was just too emasculating and he felt the only recourse was to shoot Bill in the chest. Dude, it's called Xanax. Try it instead of bullets next time.

But Bill died as he lived, surrounded by his loving wives. And, in what I found to be a nice touch, at the end he finally accepted that his first wife (Barb) also has a touch of the divine in her and asked for a blessing. For someone who had been unable to accept that a woman could hold the priesthood, he sure came around fast, didn't he? Of course the three bullets that had just torn up his chest probably helped with the change of heart. Get it? Change of heart? Bullets in the chest?

Oh, shut up. Everyone's a critic.

Other things that I liked about the ending of the show and the last season in general: the destruction of the Juniper Creek compound, Alby FINALLY getting his comeuppance (seriously, has there ever been a more effed-up creepy villain?), Barb calling Bill and Mormonism in general on his/its misogynistic bullshit, Nikki admitting that she is a horrible person and gaining some personal insight, and Margene getting the hell out of dodge and getting to live her life. Oh, and Ben ended up with Heather, yay!

Whitney mentioned to me the other day that she was hating the last season, but I have to disagree. Things certainly got melodramatic, but hey, it's tv! At times you just had to wonder what else could possibly happen to these people, but the show was still able to retain its central premise: this may be an unusual family with three times the usual number of wives, but at the end of the day, it is still a family. A lot of their problems are our problems (who will pick up the car from the shop? How do we survive in a failing economy?) and while I don't need to deal with crazy in-bred polygamous false prophets coming after me, sometimes I have trouble talking to my family members, you know?

And honestly? Any show that kills off Bill Paxton is ok with me. Despite really liking the show, I find him SO ANNOYING. In everything. But especially Twister.

Miss. Marple

Pssst......Disney. This is Miss. Marple:


This is decidedly NOT Miss. Marple.


In case you hadn't heard, Disney is developing a new modern adaptation of Miss. Marple with a youngified lead played by Jennifer Garner. Sigh. That sound you hear is Agatha Christie rolling over in her grave.

Not that I don't like Jennifer Garner, don't get me wrong. I really enjoy Alias, and even sat through Elektra for Christ's sake. But she is NOT Miss. Marple. Part of the joy of Miss. Marple is that she is this adorable whip-smart older lady. So screw you, Disney.

Also check out this article, I love the title: Oh, for fuck's sake: Jennifer Garner will play the new Miss Marple.

In for Spring: Fringe

It's been a while since anyone here at TV Sluts talked about Fringe (and I can just hear my friend Dorilyn, who is a big fan of the show, responding with a well-timed, "you got that right"). But I have FINALLY caught up with the series and now have some things to say.

First: this shit got good. Back in 2008 I gave the show a favorable review based on the pilot, and managed to stick with it through the first season, but it never really became appointment viewing for me. By the fall of 2009 (when Fringe was entering its second season), I think it conflicted with some other things and I decided to cut it loose and catch up with the DVDs. Well, that never really worked out until this past winter, when I got the second season from Netflix to tide me over the hiatus. And boy, did I get hooked.

The first season was basically spent on random mysteries of the week and establishing relationships between the characters, but after the first season finale, when we learned about the existence of a parallel universe (called Over There), things started chugging along and the show got into a great groove. The mystery of the week were now tied into the overall plot and the introduction of Fauxlivia (i.e., the Other Olivia) finally allowed Anna Torv to demonstrate some personality. We also learned a lot more about Peter and Olivia's past and how both their childhoods were intertwined with the other universe. Fascinating!

After burning through the DVDs in no time, I went to FOX's website to catch up on season 3, and by January, Fringe had moved to Friday and was now firmly on my DVR. While the ratings have not really been stellar on Fridays (EW.com reports they hit an all-time low), it's apparently doing better than what was there before and there's no doubt the show is at a creative high. So I guess it's time to rally the troops for another "Save Our Show" campaign. And this time, I am definitely on board.

Come on FOX! You can't take Joshua Jackson away from me now!

Fringe is currently airing Fridays at 9:00pm on FOX.

Final thought: Several years ago I got into my head that Charlie was evil. Whoops! Although he did briefly become an evil half-android shape-shifter! That counts, right?

For the past month I have been obsessed with Neil Gaiman's graphic novel, The Sandman. I whipped my way through all 10 volumes (75 issues) and am now working through the extra volumes he wrote that have acted as kind of sequels/prequels. Neil Gaiman has been my favorite author for years (basically since I first read Neverwhere in law school), but for some reason I always resisted reading The Sandman. It wasn't for any specific reason--I just never got around to it. Well, that takes care of THAT.

I've seen online that there were several attempts to adapt the graphic novels into films, but for one reason or another they have all fizzled out. I know Neil Gaiman has said (because the wikipedia article told me so) that he would rather have no Sandman movie than a bad one. Well, duh. But he also stated that if a movie did happen he needed someone who loved the source material as much as Peter Jackson did with Lord of the Rings to really do it justice. Fair enough.

So imagine my surprise when I noticed an article on USA Today's Pop Candy blog talking about how a recent adaptation of the graphic novels into a television series had stalled. Whaaaa? Someone was going to make it a tv show?? And it was going to be Supernatural's Eric Kripke??? According to this site, Kripke had been developing The Sandman into a series (possibly for HBO) but he mentioned during the recent Paley Festival that it wasn't going to happen next season.

It was like all at once I had been offered a really cool gift and then it was jerked right away. The Sandman on HBO? Oh, wait, no. Sorry.

It might seem weird to blog about a tv show that will probably never happen, but the entire point of this post is to encourage you to read the series and maybe one day a good television adaptation will actually happen. But until then: READ IT. Seriously. You will not regret it; it's a beautiful series that combines so many classic story-telling elements, is so well written, and is just so poetic even if you are not a comics fan (like me), you'll get lost in it.

And bonus: if you read the series you'll get my Halloween costume this year when I go as Death. Hurray!

I'm totally pale enough to pull this off.

Face Off

I solemnly swear that this post does NOT concern the Nicholas Cage/John Travolta entertaining yet admittedly terrible movie named Face Off.

I have been a naughty blogger. Here I've been, watching a great new show and I have yet to share it with you, my adoring blog public. Well, just in time I am getting off my ass and letting you know that SyFy's reality television program, Face Off, is really quite awesome.

It follows your typical reality competition formula: a bunch of unknowns in a field compete through a series of challenges and are kicked off one by one. A panel of expert judges assesses their work, with a special guest or two along the way. And the audience gets to look behind the curtain; i.e. are made privy to the design and creation process. Think Project Runway, Top Chef, etc. etc. Only this time, since it's SyFy, the relevant group is make-up artists.

Cool, right? This season, the competing make-up artists have had to make aliens, zombies, gender switches, even disguise themselves enough to fool their loved ones. I confess to knowing NOTHING about movie make-up, so the behind-the-scenes aspect of the show is fascinating and just really neat. While I can't comment on the qualifications of the judges on the show (as I said, I know nothing about this industry), they seem to know their stuff and have interesting personalities that make judging time entertaining. It's always nice when the judges in a competition actually help the viewer understand why widget A is better than widget B. The contestants themselves seem like pretty interesting people too, I also can't remember ever seeing that many piercings in one room.

Face Off airs on Wednesday evenings at 10pm and this week is the finale. Another great thing about the show? It's going to be a tight race. Of the four finalists, there are three that I think could take the crown, and that just makes the whole thing more exciting.

It's not too late to tune in; SyFy airs the previous episodes pretty regularly, and I wouldn't be surprised if there was a marathon planned for the near future. But you have been warned: the show is addicting. When I started watching I burned through about 4 episodes in one go, and was sad I had to wait a whole week for the next one.

You can call me Melinda. Lady Heather, if you're nasty.

This Secret Girlfriend of the Week is a no-brainer. In fact, I'm a little embarrassed that it's taken this long to address the wonderfulness of Melinda Clarke.

She's probably best known as the Dominatrix with a heart of gold, Lady Heather, on CSI. But you might also recognize her as a hooker with a heart of gold from Firefly, or the torturer with a heart of gold (not really) on the CW show, Nikita. If you want to check out her IMDB page, you'll see that she's been a staple on prime time dramas and was in quite a few movies in the 1990s. But whatever. She's just stone cold AWESOME.

Gorgeous? Check. Smart? Check. Can make you poo your pants in fear with one look? Double check.

Also according to IMDB, she is a trained soprano and likes cigars. So clearly she is cultured. Also? She played an Amazon on Xena: Warrior Princess, to which I can only say: Best. Casting. Ever.

A little while ago, Entertainment Weekly broke the news that Ms. Clarke would be returning to CSI as Lady Heather. Just knowing that is enough to get me to watch the show again; I always thought the episodes with Lady Heather were the best and most titillating (hee, I said tit). Maybe Grissom will come back for another cameo? Probably not, but hey, a girl can dream.

Do not piss her off, yo.

Here we go again...

Another day, another Starz historical drama that provides an excuse for violence and sex. Not that I mind either of those things (or the genre for that matter), but there are ways to do this and make it not suck, you know? Like the later seasons of The Tudors, for example.

Anyhoodle, Starz is soon premiering their latest original series, Camelot. Here's the blurb from the website:

In the wake of King Uther’s sudden death, chaos threatens to engulf Britain. When the sorcerer Merlin has visions of a dark future, he installs the young and impetuous Arthur, Uther’s unknown son and heir, who has been raised from birth as a commoner. But Arthur’s cold and ambitious half sister Morgan will fight him to the bitter end, summoning unnatural forces to claim the crown in this epic battle for control.

Thanks to Netflix, I was able to watch the first episode and I am now here to tell you all the things that are wrong with Camelot:

1) It's boring.

Everybody knows this story. So the shows doesn't exactly waste time on particulars, in fact, they pretty much jump right into the sex and murder aspects, but still. Yawn. I don't know if I was just too distracted, but I didn't find myself caring who controls Britain. Probably because this Britain is full of dirty peasants, Camelot is a crumbling heap, and Uther was ruling from what amounted to a wooden hut. I'm all for historical realism, but you gotta give me some knights, armor, and round tables to get me to care.

2) I am rooting for the bad guys.

I suppose Arthur is supposed to to be the hero of all this, but he's kind of lame. I say let Morgan (who should be called Morgana, I mean really) just take over and rule. She got banished by her father to a nunnery for 15 years and came all back all witchy and badass. For goodness sake, she is the most awesome character and is played by Eva Green from James Bond, so I say let her take over already. It's not ever really made clear why Merlin keeps going on and on about how it has to be Arthur in charge...probably something lame like Morgan is a woman and therefore cannot rule. Jerk. Oh, and Morgan gets to bang some warlord named King Lot who is played by the excellent James Purefoy (Mark Antony in Rome) so she gets bonus points for her most excellent taste in men.

3) Arthur isn't hot.

This one is self-explanatory. Arthur should be hot. The end.

4) Merlin makes no sense.

He's young here. Ok. But seriously, he is like young enough to be Arthur's older brother. The hell? Also, bald. Starz, let me explain something to you. Merlin is old. And has a beard. And IS NOT BALD. Also, he is not Joseph Fiennes. That is some wackadoodle casting right there.

5) Did I mention it was kind of boring?

I'm not saying the show is bad (yet). I've only seen the first episode, maybe things will improve. But I am also not saying you should run out and sign up for Starz for it. If the other eps become available on Netflix I might watch, but seriously show. Get your act together. Sure you've got some cool fight and sex scenes, but you need a helluva lot more than that.

An Idiot Abroad

This weekend, a friend of mine turned me on to a hidden gem on the Science network (which by the way I had never heard of until this week and it turns out the previous article is on it too). If you are familiar with Ricky Gervais, you will adore this show. Produced by Gervais, the show follows Ricky's close friend Karl Pilkington traveling around the world. The kick behind it is Karl isn't the worldiest or most PC person. He has clearly never traveled or met foreigners.


To be honest you spend the entire show laughing at Karl, and it is incredibly entertaining. Karl is a moron. But his one liners make you crack up. Additionally, Ricky and Stephen Merchant call and mock Karl throughout the episode. Karl is attempting to visit the wonders of the world. So far we have watched Mexico, Egypt and India and I have already set a season pass. He spent the entire mexico episode looking for Mexican jumping beans. My husband had a good laugh at watching Karl try to comprehend the squat toilets in India.

SET YOUR TIVOS! It airs on the science network on Sat nights at 10pm :)

Be warned you might need a Brit to translate a line or two. Crazy Brits!

Such a Tease

This afternoon I received the following text from my friend Wendy:

"OMG! Firefly is coming back!!!"

My response: "WHAT"

I experienced an instantaneous jump in heart rate and a million thoughts started running through my head. "But Nathan Fillion is on Castle...and Summer Glau is on The Cape, oh wait, that's getting canceled...will it be set 10 years in the future or something, I wonder if the costumes will be the same, and I bet Zoey is going to be even more badass..."

But then, a couple of texts later, I figured out what Wendy was actually telling me. Turns out the Science Channel will be broadcasting the full 15 episodes of Firefly. You're probably thinking, what the crap does Firefly have to do with science? It's science FICTION. But here's the cool part: after each episode, there will be short segments where a physicist weighs in on the science behind the fiction. Neat, right?

Entertainment Weekly managed to get Captain Tightpants himself on the phone for a brief interview about the "return" of Firefly. Basically, he would play Mal again in a second, one of the best things about the character was the low slung holster (HOT), and the reason why the show is still so popular is because of the genius of Joss' stories.

Sure, it's not as good as new episodes, but hey, we'll take what we can get, right? We Browncoats are nothing if not optimistic. Firefly starts airing on the Science Channel on March 6 with the pilot showing at 8pm and the first hour long episode at 10pm. After that, episodes will air (in the intended order!) on Sunday nights.

Not a Fan of the Bieber but Loving the Rent

Where has Whitney's evil rants on Glee been? I know this has been plaguing you at night. How have you coped without my countless references to plot whiplash and improbable plot turns? Well I guess the main reason I haven't posted was I have been shockingly happy with the past few episodes.

Plot whiplash has finally stopped. I do not feel lost every time I watch an episode and I am easily following who is dating whom. I thoroughly enjoyed the Valentine's Day episode. The songs lacked anything I would download, but the plot was sweet and I had several aww moments. My favorite moment of the past 3 episodes was Mike Cheng fawning over Tina when she got hurt in the football game. It was so sweet :)

Tonight's episode was plot perfect. It was cute and I am truly enjoying the "Sam" character. Now, I am not a 10 year old girl, so the Bieber songs weren't remotely enjoyable. In fact, I had given up on enjoying songs in this episode until I heard the opening chords of my favorite rent song. I will give Lea Michele and Amber Riley credit. They did an excellent rendition of "Take me baby" sans lesbianism. I was impressed by the range of their voices. Overall I liked the plots and was touched by the scene in the cancer ward.

That all being said I have one MAJOR issue with Glee. During the superbowl episode I noticed a great deal of product placement. I chalked that up to the superbowl, however, it has continued into the next two episodes. Have you noticed the "slushies" are now in 7-11 big gulps? Also, Santana told puck in the Valentine's day episode "she went to Jahred." Come on producers of glee! Don't stop believin! Don't Sell Out! I know its too late, but I can hope.

Ladies Lunching

Maggie Cats here: last week I spent a good chunk of time in LA visiting family. On Friday, me and a friend (who has asked to remain nameless) decided to go to lunch at a semi-famous Beverly Hill eatery. We just so happened to spot several "celebrities," meaning we saw some people from a reality show. I was able to strong-arm my friend into writing up a guest blog post detailing our adventure. Seriously, I literally wrangled a promise out of her to write about it...mostly since I don't watch the reality show in question. So enjoy!

One of the must see spots of LA is Rodeo drive. So Friday afternoon, Maggie Cats and I headed up to Rodeo drive for lunch at Villa Blanca, and of course, shopping. Why Villa Blanca? Well RHBH, of course. That’s the Real housewives of Beverly Hills, for those not in the know. Villa Blanca is owned by one of the housewives, none other than Lisa Vanderpump and her husband Todd (note from Maggie Cats: that name is fake, right? It’s got to be fake. Seriously, Vanderpump??).

Following the GPS, we wound our way around the streets of Beverly Hills until we found the restaurant located on the corner of Camden and Brighton Way. The outside seating wraps around the corner of the restaurant and was lined with billowy white sheer curtains. The weather was perfect—a normal February day in LA (71 and sunny). On Friday at 1pm the restaurant was humming. On the way in, a tall redheaded woman in a crazy (and I mean crazy, even by LA standards) outfit was standing across from us at the hostess stand. When the woman turned around,Maggie Cats recognized her as Phoebe Price.


Who the Hell is Phoebe Price? These are the words you will find if you google her, she’s famous because she is famous; she’s often on the red carpet and claims to be an international model—but really she just gets attention from her outrageous outfits and unique look. According to Maggie, the only reason she IDed her was because of the website Go Fug Yourself. Check it out: Ms. Price has an entire section dedicated to her cray cray stylings.

In line to sign in at the hostess stand were also several normal looking (by normal I mean not augmented) older 70+ year old women, one of whom called this the “hottest restaurant in town.” While I doubt that is true, it was a nice sentiment and made us feel oh so posh. Waiting on a table we headed to the bar. Maggie ordered a tasty cocktail called the Big Pink, which starts out like a mojito with lime, mint and simple syrup but then instead of rum gets vodka, cranberry juice, and finishes up with a splash of soda. This seemed to be the drink of choice in the restaurant today, as almost everyone at the bar was holding or ordering one. According to Maggie it was strong and tasty (it was both, equally).

While we were waiting at the bar and chatting up a gay couple that was in town from New York, the co-owner of the restaurant, Mr. Vanderpump, I mean Todd Kent, walked by, clearly large and in charge of the establishment. Celebrity sighting Number 2 had been made!


Once we were seated, I finally took notice of a woman at the bar, who had been casually eating her lunch the entire time. It was none other than the “morally corrupt” (said by Camille Grammer in season one of RHBH), Faye Resnick.

Faye enjoyed her lunch, and post lunch tea as we ate at a table outside. She had a nice chat with Ken, but for the most part she was alone. She checked her watch repeatedly, and her mirror at least two dozen times. So I can only imagine she was waiting for Kyle to meet her for lunch. Similarly, Ken’s obsessive cell checking—and not in a sly, cool-guy way—culminated in a walk outside with the phone held to the sky (as though an arms length would magically give the device satellite reception), was waiting for a call or text from Lisa. Were these so-called celebs actually expecting calls, or were they just eternally hopeful that someone would actually want to talk to them? Who knows.

After our lunch, which was quite delicious and reasonably priced, we hit the streets for some window-shopping. Or just hit THE street, because it's Rodeo Drive, baby. And you never know who you'll run into.

Eh.

Is it just me or is there not much to be excited about on television these days?

Where's the Veronica Mars, the Battlestar Galactica, the Pushing Daisies, the LOST? I can't really think of a show that I cannot WAIT to watch, that I spend the entire day looking forward to seeing, that I am depressed when it's over because it means I need to wait another week before watching it again.

I am sure some of you still have shows that get you excited like that (I can practically hear Dorilyn yelling "Fringe!" at the computer screen), but I am just not really coming up with anything that I salivate over. And it's kind of sad because the shows that I do like the most air on the CW.

Yeah, the network for 13 year olds is the one that I relate to the most. Sigh.

But seriously. They've got Vampire Diaries, which if you still aren't watching it, is pretty much made of awesome. It doesn't get me going the way, say, Veronica Mars used to, but it usually doesn't linger on the DVR for more than a few days.

If you need a reason to watch it, the Onion has 10 for you. And the one that I agree with the most is that the show "moves like a freight train." They get more done in more week on that show than most programs cover in an entire season. For example: this week, a vampire got shot in the head, tortured, escaped, a new werewolf character showed up, another character came to terms with her parentage, an evil vampire locked in a tomb made a deal with another character who is apparently working for someone else, a hostage exchange went horribly wrong, there's a twist with a witch, and the body count was like 10 (including some hearts being yanked out). Whew.

Other honorable mention CW shows: Nikita, Gossip Girl, and Supernatural. But nothing really spectacular, you know what I mean? Supernatural has been kind of meh this season, and I'll always watch (if nothing else just for Jensen Ackles), but it doesn't grab me like it used to.

Maybe it's just the winter blues talking, but now that the hiatus is over I am hoping these shows kick it into gear. Because I need some entertainment and fast.