Here we go again...

Another day, another Starz historical drama that provides an excuse for violence and sex. Not that I mind either of those things (or the genre for that matter), but there are ways to do this and make it not suck, you know? Like the later seasons of The Tudors, for example.

Anyhoodle, Starz is soon premiering their latest original series, Camelot. Here's the blurb from the website:

In the wake of King Uther’s sudden death, chaos threatens to engulf Britain. When the sorcerer Merlin has visions of a dark future, he installs the young and impetuous Arthur, Uther’s unknown son and heir, who has been raised from birth as a commoner. But Arthur’s cold and ambitious half sister Morgan will fight him to the bitter end, summoning unnatural forces to claim the crown in this epic battle for control.

Thanks to Netflix, I was able to watch the first episode and I am now here to tell you all the things that are wrong with Camelot:

1) It's boring.

Everybody knows this story. So the shows doesn't exactly waste time on particulars, in fact, they pretty much jump right into the sex and murder aspects, but still. Yawn. I don't know if I was just too distracted, but I didn't find myself caring who controls Britain. Probably because this Britain is full of dirty peasants, Camelot is a crumbling heap, and Uther was ruling from what amounted to a wooden hut. I'm all for historical realism, but you gotta give me some knights, armor, and round tables to get me to care.

2) I am rooting for the bad guys.

I suppose Arthur is supposed to to be the hero of all this, but he's kind of lame. I say let Morgan (who should be called Morgana, I mean really) just take over and rule. She got banished by her father to a nunnery for 15 years and came all back all witchy and badass. For goodness sake, she is the most awesome character and is played by Eva Green from James Bond, so I say let her take over already. It's not ever really made clear why Merlin keeps going on and on about how it has to be Arthur in charge...probably something lame like Morgan is a woman and therefore cannot rule. Jerk. Oh, and Morgan gets to bang some warlord named King Lot who is played by the excellent James Purefoy (Mark Antony in Rome) so she gets bonus points for her most excellent taste in men.

3) Arthur isn't hot.

This one is self-explanatory. Arthur should be hot. The end.

4) Merlin makes no sense.

He's young here. Ok. But seriously, he is like young enough to be Arthur's older brother. The hell? Also, bald. Starz, let me explain something to you. Merlin is old. And has a beard. And IS NOT BALD. Also, he is not Joseph Fiennes. That is some wackadoodle casting right there.

5) Did I mention it was kind of boring?

I'm not saying the show is bad (yet). I've only seen the first episode, maybe things will improve. But I am also not saying you should run out and sign up for Starz for it. If the other eps become available on Netflix I might watch, but seriously show. Get your act together. Sure you've got some cool fight and sex scenes, but you need a helluva lot more than that.