Fall TV: The Brave

It's Fall! FINALLY! The tights and boots come out, along with long-sleeved tees, pumpkin spice everything, and decorative gourds.

But as all readers of this blog know, the most exciting part of Fall is the premiere of tons of new television shows. And we're here to bring our thoughts, impressions, and advice on what to watch and what's not worth your time.

First up, NBC's The Brave.

At first, I thought this was going to be kind of an overseas spy version of Law and Order. Each episode follows the government analysts who uncover threats and the military special forces team that removes them. The episodes typically kick off with a tag that establishes what the specific threat is (a terrorist group kidnaps a white woman and places her in peril! An US intelligence agent in the Ukraine discovers her team has been killed!) and plays back and forth between the two groups working to stop the bad guys.

The description of the show is, per usual, ridiculously dramatic: "This fresh, heart-pounding journey into the complex world of America's elite undercover military heroes follows Captain Adam Dalton (Mike Vogel) and his heroic Special Ops squad of highly trained undercover specialists as they carry out each mission on the ground...This team works hand-in-hand with D.I.A. Deputy Director Patricia Campbell (Anne Heche) and her team of analysts...as they wield the world's most advanced surveillance technology from headquarters in D.C. All members of this elite squad, both in D.C. and across the world, have one thing in common: their resilience and commitment to freedom is unmatched by any other."

They are Patriots! Fighting to save Americans! Out in the field and behind a desk! 

But, surprisingly, I really dig this show. I thought it was going to be a paint-by-numbers procedural like all the NCIs and CSIs out there in the world. But shockingly, it felt more like watching a tense movie like The Bourne Identity, Zero Dark Thirty, or Black Hawk Down. Or, say the network version of Homeland.

Ok, it wasn't quite on the same level as those examples, but it kept my attention and had me holding my breath a time or two. If you have a problem with violence, guns, explosions, and similar war trappings, it might be a bit too much for you. But, the intense stares at screens from the analysts and a lot of overly serious phone conversations and proclamations from Anne Heche's character help break up the tension.

I'll also give the creators a nod for keeping the cast diverse. There' s a broad representation of people in here, both in the analysts and special forces crew, with women in several prominent positions. I was pleased to see a woman playing the Deputy Director role...and that they included a woman in the special ops team--she's a sniper. Awesome.

The lead actor is your typical scruffy hunky white guy though. Of course. But at least he's a beardo.

We're only two episodes in, so I can't speak with authority as to whether the writing will fall into some of the typical narrative pitfalls we see around here a lot. As mentioned earlier, the pilot episode turned on the whole "white woman kidnapped by brown people" cliche, but if you're telling a story about the most dangerous areas of the world, I can see why you would go with the terrorism angle right out the gate. The second episode, set in the Ukraine, seems to do a bit better--I think we can accept the Russians as believable bad guys, right?

Bottom line: it's a tense, dramatic look at international undercover operations that sometimes comes off a bit silly, but also has bursts of graphic military-style violence. I found the characters and stories more compelling than I expected and I'll probably stick with it, at least through the front 13 episodes.

The Brave airs Monday nights on NBC at 10PM EST. You can also watch episodes online.

Under The Dome

Chickens! Cows! And my other farm animal friends! Peanut EmandEm is back for another guest post, this time about Under the Dome. Take it away, Em!

I hate to admit this, but I broke my own cardinal rule when it comes to Under the Dome.  You know the one I’m talking about, “ALWAYS read the book BEFORE you see the TV show or movie based on the book”.  Honestly, I’ve been pretty good lately.  I finished The Hunger Games series before I saw the first movie and I finished The Leftovers just in time for its HBO premier on Sunday, but for some reason I always drop the ball when it comes to Stephen King.  It’s not that I don’t like his books, because I do, but I can count on one hand the number that I’ve read before seeing them produced.  I guess it stems from my childhood.  After seeing The Shining, how could you not devour every other Stephen King story made into a movie?  And to be totally honest, I wasn’t much of a reader as a kid.  So now you know where I’m coming from as I sit awaiting the start of the second season of Under the Dome.  Yes, yes. I’ve had a year. So, I hang my head as I type this…I still haven’t read the book.

My favorite part of season one was that the producers blew the mass majority of their special effects budget on that ridiculous cow.  At least I hope they did since they showed it EVERY episode.  As the dome is dropped over Chester’s Mill, families were separated, strangers are trapped homeless in a unknown community, a truck crashes into an invisible barrier killing the passengers and a cow is cleaved in twain:

Mooove over writer’s room, I got this.  Who needs plot enhancing dialogue?

No seriously, I was getting a bit teary for the loved ones who have lost and then bam; a computer generated cow is grotesquely sliced in half in all its bloody glory.  Then, as if that weren't enough, they showed it every week during the “last week on Under the Dome” sequence.  They were going to get their CG money’s worth, by God. 

      Hey, you can even buy the t-shirt!

Vindication!  It’s only the credits and already my self-worth is through the roof.  Stephen King wrote the premier episode of season two.  Although I haven’t read the book, at least I have seen an episode written by the author.  That’s got to count for something…right?

AP Edit: Totes.

Season 2 opens exactly where we left off, with Barbie about to be hanged from the gallows in the center of town.  Big Jim is urging Junior to pull the level which he finally refuses to do.  We’ll see how long this lasts.  Junior’s major storyline last year was his inner turmoil about whether or not he had to do what his father told him to.  Most often, he bent to his father’s whim.  I can only hope that this season we will see him finally stand up to Big Jim.

Cow.

Just as Barbie is about to be hanged, the dome begins emitting a high pitched sound and attracts all metallic objects near the proximity of the dome.  I actually like the idea of the dome disarming the people of Chester’s Mill.  Big Jim’s gun is whisked away first.  How will he ever control everyone now? 

Soon after, we learn from our newest character (Rebecca, the local high school science teacher), that the dome is pulsing “like a pregnant woman’s contractions”.  Wow, thanks for the visual, CBS.  That’s the best analogy we could come up with?

I’m pulsing like a large, city sized dome!

Unfortunately our dear friend -- and only cool headed law enforcement officer in Chester’s Mill -- is presumably killed while trying to free Barbie, who is trapped by his handcuffs to the magnetic dome.  I say presumably because after we see the truck (with Linda in its path) slam into the dome, no one bothers to check on her.  Maybe she jumped out of the way in the nick of time or maybe she slid under the truck Indiana Jones style.  OK, she probably didn’t, but we’ll never know because Big Jim, Junior, and Barbie all barely react to her death. Instead, they take off to continue their fight for control of Chester’s Mill.

                   Wow, the dome is starting to look like my collection of refrigerator magnets.                   \

           

Barbie and Julia are finally reunited.  At the end of the first season Julia learns that it was Barbie that killed her husband.  She must not have been very into that dude because she forgives Barbie the instant they see each other and we are treated to their first kiss of the season.  Even Barbie agrees with us, “I didn’t think it would be that easy.”  Ouch. ,Sorry Julia, you may be the monarch, but he sure has your number.

Will no one mourn my death?

 Ah, Under the Dome, welcome back. I have missed you in all of your cheesy glory!  I can only imagine what next week has in store for us Domers!  Thank you Stephen King for writing something that I can appreciate as it was meant to be…on the screen!

Oh Julia, you’re so easy.  Wait, what did you say?

Under the Dome airs Mondays at 10 p.m. on CBS.  Full episodes available for download at the Apple app store and on Google play. 

'Nother cow.

Put a bullet in Killer Women, please.

A few days ago, Arsenic Pie and I gathered online to discuss the new ABC "drama," Killer Women, starring Battlestar Galactica's hottest cylon, Tricia Helfer. Here are our thoughts:

Maggie Cats: So, Killer Women. I found it extremely silly.

Arsenic Pie: I liked how it started with a bloody shooting and ended with the main character playing the trumpet in a mariachi band. Like what the actual fuck? But I totes believe Caprica Six can really play the trumpet. But was that really the best place to introduce this talent?

Maggie Cats: I get the feeling the people behind it aren't exactly sure what they want the show to be.

Arsenic Pie: I got from it... and this may just be me. That they were going for like a Robert Rodriguez Grindhouse kind of thing. Or a cheesed out Charlie's Angels.

Maggie Cats: The problem is they were shooting for all those things. Plus a classic action show, like Walker, Texas Ranger. But you can't have all those things in one show.

Arsenic Pie I couldn't tell if they were referencing 70s cop shows or making fun of them. There were so many cliches.

Oh, yes, this show looks completely serious.

Maggie Cats: Speaking of her brother....another BSG alum! Michael Trucco!

Arsenic Pie: On a semi related note, I saw that Boomer is on a show now too.

Maggie Cats: You mean ....Hawaii 5-0?

Arsenic Pie: Yes!

Maggie Cats: You know that show has been on for like 2 years, right? YOU WRITE FOR A TV BLOG, WOMAN. Get it together.

Arsenic Pie *hangs head in shame*

Maggie Cats: Ok, so back to this show. I thought Tricia Helfer was good in the role, but again, the character was not well-defined.

Arsenic Pie: Right. She is kind of a stock character. A tough, no-nonsense cop who fights bad guys and the sexism of being a woman in a man's world.

Maggie Cats: I guess she is supposed to be kickass...but doesn't really do a lot of fighting. And then she is supposed to be sexy--and I'll give them that one. But then she is crying about being beaten by her husband, and I was like what?

Arsenic Pie: I know, right? Because that's what the vajays like to watch. Stories about women who have been abused...

Maggie Cats:... and then she risks her life, her DEA boyfriend's life, and gets a random informant killed because she feels bad about doing her job (i.e. pursuing an investigation that ends up implicating the drug cartels).

Arsenic Pie: She's female. Her ovaries cause guilt. I liked DEA Dan though.

Maggie Cats: It was Riley from Buffy! I think I just find that actor boring though, sorry Marc Blucas!

Yup, still boring.

Arsenic Pie: He is just a random dudebro, but more appealing than her douhe ex. And the plot was predictable.

Maggie Cats: One more issue--did they ever actually explain WHAT the Texas Rangers are or what they do?

Arsenic Pie: I feel like they think we should have a background from watching Walker, Texas Ranger. Are they like the state police?

Maggie Cats: I have no idea and that is not good for the show. On Justified, they always make clear who the US Marshals are.

Arsenic Pie: I figured about five minutes after she had her Hunch that the shooting had something to do with a drug cartel. Because Mexicans.

Maggie Cats: Exactly. Those crazy Mexicans and their drugs. Oh, and I just looked up the Texas Rangers. From wiki:

The Texas Ranger Division, commonly called the Texas Rangers, is a law enforcement agency with statewide jurisdiction in Texas, and is based in Austin, Texas. Over the years, the Texas Rangers have investigated crimes ranging from murder to political corruption, acted as riot police and as detectives, protected the Governor of Texas, tracked down fugitives, and functioned as a paramilitary force at the service of both the Republic (1836–45) and the state of Texas. 

...but that still doesn't explain how they fit in with the state police, etc.

Arsenic Pie: I'm on the Wiki page now. So much jinx.

Maggie Cats: This is just another example of Texas being wacky.

Arsenic Pie: I fee like they must be comparable to state police. Maggie, are you messing with Texas? I've been told one should not do that.

Maggie Cats: Who me? NEVER. Oh, the one thing that actually amused me in the pilot episode....after the shooting in the Church, like 10 people ran outside, pulled out their guns, and shot at the shooter's car as she was fleeing. Oh, Texas.

Arsenic Pie: I KNOW.

Maggie Cats: Guns in Church!

Arsenic Pie: YOU KNOW THAT CLIP WAS ON THE SOUP.

Maggie Cats: I am not surprised.

Arsenic Pie Well, it's Texas. You know everybody's packing. But still. Everybody runs outside and starts shooting at the getaway car. What the fuck.

Maggie Cats: I don't think I will keep watching. Pick a concept and stick with it. Either be a silly throwback to 80s and 90s cop shows, or be a solid action procedural.

Arsenic Pie: I won't keep watching either. It doesn't know what it's supposed to be. I find it amusing that the person who wrote the episode was named, "Hannah Shakespeare." I'm positive that's a pseudonym. A sadly ironic pseudonym.

Maggie Cats: Hannah has been dealing with that prejudice her entire life.

Arsenic Pie: She has. Poor Hannah. She's a tough, no-nonsense screenwriter.

Maggie Cats: You are such a hater.

Arsenic Pie: Hannah the screenwriter is fighting for justice in a man's world. And hatas gonna hate.

Maggie Cats: She has a pen and she isn't afraid to use it. Because in Texas, the pen is mightier than the shotgun.

Arsenic Pie: So sometimes she takes matters into her own hands. And uses her smartphone. DUHN-DUHN.

Maggie Cats: I would watch that show more than Killer Women, actually.

Arsenic Pie: Yeah, something that was straight up self referential and quirky. I stopped taking ABC seriously long ago, but come on.

Maggie Cats: Sad, but true. They tried to get serious with The Assets (which I reviewed earlier) and it got canceled after two episodes.

Arsenic Pie: I think whoever created Killer Women thinks it's serious.

...and from that point on the conversation split into multiple tangents, including how lesbianism was improving NBC's Dracula, but not by much. The basic point is, Killer Women is a confusing mish mash of genres and probably not worth your time. Unless you find Tricia Helfer so hot you will watch her in anything. In that case, have at it.

Killer Women airs Tuesdays at 10:00 EST on ABC.

Putin on the Ritz

Well, you can't blame them for trying. It seems the networks have seen the success of Showtime's Homeland (and it's multiple Emmy wins) and now television series about US intelligence agencies are breaking out all over.

It's January so it's time for midseason premieres! In the Fall, the networks all tout their shows as the next big thing, but in reality they know most of those new shows are going to fail. There's always a back up plan and the networks have a bunch of new series waiting in the wings to take the empty time slots. This means that January is chock full of premieres, so let's get going on some of these reviews, shall we?

First up, The Assets!

I wasn't wowed by this one, and apparently most of America wasn't either. The first episode of this eight part miniseries debuted with the lowest rating in the key demo (a 0.7 among 18-49 year olds) of any drama to air on the big four networks. The lowest rating EVER. That's pretty impressive. No word yet on Putin's reaction to the series. 

Here's a basic plot summary from ABC:

The Assets is an eight-part miniseries based on the real life events of CIA counter-intelligence officer Sandy Grimes (Jodie Whittaker). 1985 serves as the backdrop to the final showdown of the Cold War when Sandy and her partner Jeanne Vertefeuille (Harriet Walter) vowed to find the mole that would turn out to be the most notorious traitor in US History, Aldrich Ames (Paul Rhys). Sandy is in a race against time to save the Soviet intelligence officers from being caught and killed. Living her own double life at home, this beautiful wife and mother vowed to stop at nothing until she uncovered the truth. The Assets will look inside the true, personal stories of the conclusion of the Cold War as told by the keepers of the nation’s secrets: the CIA.

It's basically Homeland set in 1980s. So instead of Middle Eastern terrorists, it's Russians. And the main blonde agent is kinda boring. And not crazy. And doesn't make goofy faces when she cries.

This is like 70% of the reason why I watch Homeland. The other 30% is hoping that Mandy Patinkin will sing.

I didn't hate it; the show had a lot of stuff going for it. The espionage stuff is all pretty neat, and there were some tense scenes of spy vs. spy shenanigans involving the CIA and the KGB. I also liked that the Russians weren't made to look like buffoons--they pose a genuine threat and out-maneuver the CIA at every turn in the first episode. It's also clear by the end of the first episode who the mole in the organization is.  Since it's a matter of public record now, keeping it secret would have been kind of silly. After 30 years, the cat is out of the bag.

There are some problems though. There was a lot of "huhs?" going on in the living room of my Dad's house for the first half of the episode. There's a difference between trusting the intelligence of your audience and being purposefully cagey. I guess they were hoping there would be a big "aha!" moment at the end when the pieces come together, but I wonder how many people actually made it that far.

In the end, I'll most likely keep watching, but if the pace doesn't pick up in the second episode or the characters don't become more engaging, I'm out.

The Assets airs Thursdays at 10:00 pm EST on ABC. You can view episodes online at the ABC website.

Second show: Intelligence!

It's kind of ballsy to name your show Intelligence. Especially if the underlying concept is kind of silly and completely derivative.

These two have seen it all before. And really so have you.

Hit it, promo monkeys!

In Intelligence, Josh Holloway stars as Gabriel Vaughn, a high-tech intelligence operative enhanced with a super-computer microchip in his brain. With this implant, Gabriel is the first human ever to be connected directly into the global information grid. He can hack into any data center and access key intel in the fight to protect the United States from its enemies. Marg Helgenberger stars as Lillian Strand, the director of the US Cyber Command who supports Gabriel and oversees the unit's missions. She assigns Riley Neal (Meghan Ory), a Secret Service agent, to protect Gabriel from outside threats, as well as from his appetite for reckless, unpredictable behavior and disregard for protocol.

Sound familiar? If you're a fan of NBC's Chuck, it should. Ok, so Josh Holloway's character isn't playing geeky 30 something....he's more of an ex-Delta Force superhuman crime-fighting machine. But still.

Intelligence is basically a standard CBS procedural masquerading as something more. They want it to be new! and exciting! But don't be fooled. Instead of a crime lab or whatever, it's the US Cyber Command (say what?). Sure, the first episode looked great--but almost every drama premiering on the networks these days looks good. I will admit that it had some great action sequences and fight scenes though, but nothing else about it really connected with me.

What you have here is last night's leftovers dressed up in some fancy packaging in an effort to make it more appetizing. And I count Josh Holloway among the wrapping. He's a looker alright, but still playing his usual wise-cracking tough guy character. Unlike Sawyer though, Gabriel has a quest! He needs to find his missing wife whom everyone is convinced was a traitor against America and died years ago. But he will never give up hope. Or something.

One more quibble. Other than a few Asian bad guys, everyone in this show is white. This was a HUGE problem for me, and rankled me throughout the pilot episode. In this day and age, it is basically inexcusable to have an ensemble show without any minorities. Get your shit together, CBS.

Oh, look! A show full of blandly attractive white people. SHOCKER.

Bottom line: unless you are hankering for another US agency procedural (this time dressed up with some admittedly awesome action scenes), skip it. Go watch SHIELD; while that show isn't perfect, at least has a sense of fun and some interesting ideas.

Intelligence airs Mondays at 10:00 EST on CBS.

Thursdays at 9

Fall tv season continues to roll along, and the premieres are coming fast and loose. But mixed in with the new shows are some returning favorites. Do the new ones live up to the hype? Are the older shows still enjoyable? I've got some of your answers below...at least when it comes to the Thursday at 9:00 timeslot. Is EVERYTHING airing then or is it just me?

The Crazy Ones: I thought this one was going to be terrible. I've got a low tolerance for Robin Williams when he goes off the rails (unless he is playing a big blue genie) and the ads for this show were painful. Also, Sarah Michelle Gellar, as much as I love her, isn't exactly a comedian.

But you know what? I was actually pleasantly surprised. There was enough of Robin Williams actually acting to not bug and SMG plays the straight (wo)man to his craziness really well. When you add in James Wolk (who played Bob Benson on Mad Men last season) who is adorable and hilarious you get a pretty good show. Oh, and the pilot featured Kelly Clarkson who is awesome, so I can't help but recommend it. I know, I know, I am surprised too.

The Crazy Ones airs Thursdays at 9:00 pm on CBS.

The Goldbergs: Oh, god, the 1980s. Think of this show as Malcom in the Middle meets The Wonder Years. The main character is a kid growing up in the 1980s with his wacky family. He has a video camera and records his family....well, being wacky. The pilot had several laugh out loud moments, and maybe I can relate because my family is also Jewish and crazy, but I am definitely keeping this one on the season pass.

The Goldbergs (also) airs Thursdays at 9:00 pm on ABC.

It's like Awkward Family Photos: the show.

Glee: Cue eyeroll. Look, nobody wants this show to be good again more than me. I loved the first season and have stuck with it through thick and thin. And while I don't think I can ever give up watching it...the premiere was just not good. It was a Beatles themed episode (part 1 of 2) and I am a huge Beatles fan. But there was no creativity to the arrangements, the plots were all kind of boring, and even the adorable Kurt and Blaine stuff didn't do it for me. It was just trying too hard to be adorable. And when Rachel thought she bombed her Funny Girl audition and then wandered Central Park singing "Yesterday," I just wanted to punch her in the face. I am of course curious to see how the show deals with the tragic loss of Cory Monteith, who was just missing from the first episode all together, but I think the episodes are going to languish on the DVR until I find time for them. I just can't get excited about it anymore.

Glee ALSO airs Thursdays at 9 on FOX.

 You know what this show really needs? More cast members! Amiright?

Coming soon: thoughts on the return of Revenge and the new series Betrayal, Super Fun Night, and The Originals.

In Pursuit of Pigeons

Kids, are your Thursday nights dull? Do you end up spending the evening watching Antiques Roadshow with your cat? Well, fear not. The good people over at The Eyeball have a rather fetching updated Sherlock Holmes murder mystery that may be right up your alley. As we've already learned from the Brits, murder is funny. And who doesn't like Lucy Liu?

"Oh, you're right, Arsenic," you say. "On second thought, I have no problems with Lucy Liu. I'll just slowly back out of here."

I know, I know. You're a Sherlock fan and you have qualms. "Bu-bu...Sherlock from the BBC is soooo good," you protest. This is true. I am huge fan of the Sherlock series. And who doesn't like Benedict Cumberbatch? People. Without. Souls. That's who. "How can the American version be worth watching?" you demand "It's not even associated with the Sherlock series. Isn't Elementary just a bad American rip-off?" Well, naysayers and people with too many First World Problems, I am here to spread the good news! I'm like Paul Revere, but in reverse. Elementary is entertaining, fresh, smart, and funny as hell. Sort of like yours truly, but I am not quite as dead sexy as Johnny Lee Miller. 

Hot (adj.) mess (noun)

So, how is Elementary different from Sherlock? Well, the major differences are that it's set in New York City instead of London, and Sherlock is a consultant for the NYPD, supervised by Captain Thomas Gregson (Aidan Quinn). Dr. Watson in this case is named Joan Watson, portrayed by Lucy Liu.

Yes. Yes, exactly like that.

Sherlock, for his part, is a recovering addict. I can't remember exactly which drugs he was doing. I am pretty sure it was all of them, but most specifically heroin. Sherlock ended up becoming a junkie after the death of his beloved Irene Adler, and Joan Watson was hired by Sherlock's mysterious, absent, and filthy rich father to be his sober companion. Joan had been a real actual medical doctor until she lost a patient and thus began doubting her abilities. She quit her hospital job to become a sober companion and that is how she ended up living with Sherlock. She accompanies him on murder investigations and to his addict meetings, helping him with both his sobriety and figuring out whodunit, all the while making it clear to him that she's not for a second going to put up with his bullshit. It is adorable bullshit, though.

I really like the way Joan's character is written. She's a strong female character, but the writing doesn't fall into the trap of turning her into the Asian Dragon Lady stereotype. The show begins with her being Sherlock's sidekick, but as the first season progressed, it became clear that Sherlock is totally dependent on her. 

Please tell me this investigation has something to do with your ninth step.

"But," you ask. "Isn't this just going to turn into a Moonlighting thing where there's all this sexual tension and they finally get together and then the show just isn't as good? Isn't this pairing just going to devolve into them slobbering all over each other?" 'Tis a valid question, but I don't think so. It's true that there's a male and female lead who are clearly hot for each other and completely repressing it. But, the thing that works with Elementary is that you know they'd both like to throw caution to the proverbial wind and bone, but you kind of don't want them to get together.  I don't know if that was intentional or not, but it really works and it's very refreshing. Sherlock and Joan live and work together, so it's almost like they're already in a relationship in a sense anyway. Since Sherlock has had so many drug problems and so many demons, Joan would totally be slumming it to get with Sherlock, and Joan is so the Scully to his Mulder that there's no way she'd ever admit to having feelings for him. There's also an intimacy to their relationship that I don't think can occur in a teevee (or real?) romantic relationship because they're working together toward a common goal instead of playing suckface.

These aren't the Gryffindor colors? No, I'm quite sure you'e wrong, Watson.

I guess the ratings haven't been all that impressive, but let's keep in mind that this is the same network that airs Big Brother (blech) so maybe there's not that much appeal within The Eyeball demographic. I really do feel like this show would be doing better ratings-wise if it were on BBC America, because the the British-meets-North American format is becoming their oeuvre (Yes, I just used "oeuvre" in a sentence. Going to punch myself now for being a pretentious fuckwit.) Regardless, it was renewed for a second season, so please go watch it before it gets cancelled. 

The only thing that rankles me a little about the series, and this may just be me, but I don't feel they've been able to naturally incorporate the Sherlock Holmes mythology as seamlessly into the series as Sherlock has done. Moriarty has made an appearance of sorts, but it felt unnecessary. I know, I know. Throw rotten produce at me now. The show can stand alone as a buddy cop murder mystery, and while I like the Holmes mythology thrown in there, Elementary is so character driven that it doesn't really need Moriarty to be interesting. There is Moriarty and Irene Adler stuff going on in the series, but I'm not going to spoil it for people who haven't seen the first season.

The Season 2 premiere, entitled "Step Nine," follows Sherlock and Watson getting mixed up in a murder investigation to help out Sherlock's former police contact, DI Lestrade(yup). Lestrade was investigating the death of a woman, and he's pretty convinced that her husband killed her. The only wrinkle in this is that Lestrade has been suspended from Scotland Yard because the woman's husband is a member of a prominent family, and so he and his legal team launched a smear campaign to discredit Lestrade and get him suspended from duty. After Sherlock and Joan succeed in nabbing a Gary Busey look-a-like perp, whom they were led to by staking out carrier pigeons, Sherlock gets a call from a desperate Lestrade, begging him to help out with the case. Sherlock and Joan head off to London (LONDON) to ostensibly help Scotland Yard look for the lamming Lestrade, but really they're going to help Lestrade prove that this shady dude offed his wife. 

They plan to stay at Sherlock's old London digs, 221B (natch), but when they arrive, they find that Mycroft (EFFING MYCROFT) has gotten rid of all of Sherlock's stuff and turned the flat into a sweet pad. Sherlock is super condescending to Mycroft, and Sherlock thinks Mycroft is being nice to Joan because he wants sommadat, but what Mycroft is really after are some tips on how he can better get along with his brother. As an added bonus, Mycroft is totally played by Rhys Ifans. 

You mean you don't love what I've done with the place?

Hijinks ensue and Joan, whom Sherlock has been training in his crime fighting ways, observes that Mycroft has a scar on his hand from surgery. She questions him about it, and he confesses that he had a bone marrow transplant and wants to repair his relationship with Sherlock, even though Sherlock banged Mycroft's former fiance. Well. D'aww. Joan's advice to Mycroft is that if he really wants Sherlock to listen to him, he should do something to get his attention. So, naturally, Mycroft takes this advice and builds a bomb and blows up a bunch of Sherlock's stored possessions.

Now I've destroyed things you love.

So shines a good deed in a naughty world.

Needless to say, Joan and Sherlock are able to assist Lestrade in proving his theory and arresting this super shady rich a-hole, but some questions do arise about the nature of Sherlock and Watson's relationship via Sherlock's speculation that Joan wants to bang his bro. I'm really hoping the writers aren't going to decide to ship them off because the dynamic they've already created between the two works perfectly well for the series' purpose.  

Elementary airs at 10 p.m.  EST on Thursdays on The Eyeball. 

You mean you're gonna stop yewwing at da teeveez 'bout how you can't bewieve dat ugwy old vase is worth dat much? Howcomez?