Downton
Abbey is back and with it so many questions. Will Downton
continue to survive as a grand estate? Will Matthew and Mary finally get
married? Will Lady Edith continue to throw herself at an old one-armed coot
find a husband? Which parlor maid will turn out to be a whore this season? Don't touch that dial! I've got a pot of coffee, a
pile of blankets, and two hours of Anglophilia on my DVR. It's dark and I'm
wearing sunglasses. I've got a lot of ground to cover here, so let's get
started, shall we?
The cast of Upstairs, Downstairs takes the stage...
It's spring of 1920. There are fewer young men
around to marry your pushing-30 daughters off to. We have less money, fewer
maids and fewer footmen. The times they are a-changin'.The Crawleys of the
Grantham estate have survived WWI more or less unscathed. Sir Julian Fellowes
has run out of plot devices to keep Matthew (Dan Stevens) and Mary (Michelle
Dockery) apart, so after well-nigh ten years of ostensible courtship, they are on
track to get hitched.
Much more after the jump!
Lady Sybil (Jessica Brown-Findlay) isn't coming to
the wedding because she and Tom Branson (Allen Leech) don't have the money, and
both working to make ends meet. Robert (Hugh Bonneville) doesn't want Branson
at the wedding due the scandalous nature of Sybil's misalliance. However, Matthew's mother Lady Isobel Crawley
(Penelope Wilton), who is a bit of an overly earnest pest at the best of times,
has the presence of mind to insist no one cares. Lady Sybil has run off with
the chauffeur, and everyone really ought to get over it. It is 1920, after all.
Meanwhile, downstairs,
there is treacle tart! In Anna and Bates news, Anna (Joanne Froggatt) is back
from London after taking care of her husband's business affairs, since Bates
can't deal with his dead wife Vera's estate as he's, you know, in prison for
her murder.
As we are all in uproar due to the Royal Wedding,
Carson is in need of a new footman and O'Brien recommends Carson hire her
nephew Alfred. We're starting to see a different O'Brien emerge from the
scheming lady's maid of Season 1. After having caused Lady Grantham to
miscarry and then guilt-nursing her
through a bout of Spanish flu, O'Brien's had a change of heart and amended her
Super Bitch ways, but rest assured, Downton
fans, the gay guy is still evil. Thomas, who has finally achieved his lofty
ambition of becoming Lord Grantham's valet, makes a few snarky remarks about
Bates, and Carson basically tells him to STFU or GTFO. We all know Carson would
prefer the latter, and I must say Thomas's attitude is getting a little old.
Enter O'Brien's nephew, looking like he wandered out of a Weasley family reunion . He shows up in his Hogwarts uniform (Gryffindor, j'accord) and is informed he's too tall to be a footman (he's all of 6'1"). Carson lets them all know he's there on a trial basis, so we all know Thomas is going to try to get him fired.
Oh Thomas. You beautiful, beautiful fool...
Matthew and Mary take a romantic walk on a lovely
overcast English day and exchange some sexy time talk, and Matthew expresses
reservations about moving into Downton Abbey. He feels like they should have
time after the marriage to get to know each other. Seems like they should get
to know each other before the marriage, but they've wanted to bang each other
since 1912, so I suppose it's a bit of a stretch to make them wait any longer.
Matthew says he's not sure how he'll feel about taking Mary to bed with her
father watching. Is he currently taking her to bed with someone else watching?
Carson, perhaps? Is the dowager Lady Violet peeking at them through her opera
glasses?
Lord Grantham is in London and is informed that he
is broke. Robert has spent most of Cora's fortune on a bad investment in a
Canadian rail line. Next time, invest in a hockey team. It seems a tad out of
character for Grantham to invest so much of his fortune in this kind of scheme,
and to do it against the recommendations of his financial adviser makes it even
less believable. He tries to justify it by saying he intended for it to pay
off, but it all seems too reckless for Robert. Robert's adviser suggests that
he sell Downton, but Grantham argues that the function of the estate is to be
an employer and he wouldn't dream of such a thing.
Lady Edith is wandering about the local village and
up drives her awkward pseudo-beau Sir Anthony Strallan. She has nothing much to
do, and he has nothing much to do and, recognizing this fact, Lady Edith
reissues an invitation to the wedding, obviously hoping that one day she can drag
Sir Anthony down the aisle one day enjoy the vicissitudes of wedded bliss
herself.
Over at Matthew's digs, butler/valet/sadsack
extraordinaire Moseley learns Matthew isn't taking him with him to Downton
Abbey after the marriage. Matthew never wanted a valet and only took Moseley on
at Lord Grantham's insistence in Season 2. Moseley realizes that it is likely
that he will be sacked. At least Matthew can rest assured that Moseley isn't
someone like Thomas or the Season 1 era O'Brien, otherwise he'd find himself
with a bar of soap under his bathtub. Or someone would steal his dog.
Meanwhile downstairs at Downton, widowed reluctant
war bride/kitchen maid Daisy is annoyed because the Crawleys aren't hiring any
more staff. She was promised a promotion to Mrs. Patmore's assistant, and they
were going to hire a new kitchen maid. Thomas, unable to get into any mischief
anywhere else in the house, convinces Daisy to go on strike. Daisy has been
forever smitten with Thomas, and so she takes his advice.
I vow to dismantle
this institution of oppression BOARD BY BOARD!
Matthew's been contacted by his dead fiancé's
father's lawyer. Mary wonders if Mr. Swire has left Matthew anything and
Matthew is sure that he hasn't. Matthew asks Mary if she's looking forward to
the wedding and she wonders if he is as well. Matthew tells her he's looking
forward to some sexy time, but then his mood-killer's mother's voice
comes reverberating through the hall, and Matthew takes his blue balls and his dear
mama home.
It's Branson and Lady Sybil! As if she hasn't
shocked us all enough with her politics and choice of marriage partner, Lady
Sybil is the first of the Downton girls to bob her hair. Quelle horreur! Someone sent them money so they could attend the
wedding, but we all know it wasn't Robert's broke ass, so their mysterious
benefactor's identity remains hidden. Cue organ music.
No one knows how to treat poor Branson, and Branson
is quite out of his depths with the fashionable set. Thankfully, Lady Cora
Grantham (the always impeccable Elizabeth McGovern) takes the lead in welcoming
Branson into the family. Lady Mary, who seems to really want her mother's job,
follows suit. Carson is clearly resentful of Branson, and doesn't at all
forgive him for overstepping the clearly delineated class lines. In Carson's
world, if you're born a poor mick, you die a poor mick and that's that.. But as
we are beaten over the head with continually reminded in this episode,
the world is changing fast.
As to the late
Lavinia, it is a truth universally acknowledged that a dying man in
possession of a large fortune must be in want of an heir. Dear old Reggie Swire
named Matthew as an heir to his money before he kicked off.. How much money?
Probably enough to save Downton. Plot point!
Downstairs, neither Carson nor Thomas will let Mrs.
Hughes, the housekeeper, assign them as valet to Branson. Mrs. Hughes decides
she must assign Alfred to the job. Carson feels Alfred can't handle it, but
what does he care, since Branson is only a chauffeur? I realize it's
fashionable to be meta in these modern times, Carson, but make up your damn
mind.
In awkward dinner party news, what is actually more
of an horreur than the French bob
infecting England like some sort of short-haired plague, is Robert being catty
to Branson because he doesn't have the right set of clothes for dinner. Mary's
suggestion is that Sybil and Branson should buy a Downton wardrobe, unaware that
they likely can't afford it (and neither can Mary, really). Branson insists
that he's not going to turn into someone else just to please them, and Lady
Violet (THAT'S DAME MAGGIE SMITH TO YOU, PEASANT) says, "More's the
pity." This is a cue for Lady Isobel to disagree with Lady Violet and
interject with some of her adorable support of the working classes. Bless her
heart.
Matthew decides to change the subject to something
less charged, like Irish independence. Branson equates Irish home rule on
English terms to England being ruled by the Kaiser, and Carson becomes so upset
he breaks a spoon. Those pesky Irish. If
they aren't starving during a famine, they're agitating for independence and
running off with your youngest and hottest daughter. Upon my word.Lady Cora
tries to rescue the evening by talking about Irish gardens, and Lady Edith
chimes in, reminding everyone about Lady Whoositwhatsit Tiddlybopp-Doodlefart's
garden party, which only serves to make Sybil uncomfortable, remembering her
former life. Do these people suck at small talk or what? Tell us again about
the cholera outbreak in Paris, Granny. The staff is sitting around eating
dinner and Carson is trashing Branson. Branson comes in, well-meaning lad
though he is, but knows he's no longer welcome in the staff kitchen and leaves
about as soon as he came.
After dinner, the Crawleys decide Branson needs to
call his in-laws something that doesn't sound stiff or grand, and Cora and
Robert decide on Lord and Lady Grantham, and Sybil responds that it doesn't
sounds stiff or grand at all. :Snicker: On the up side, Sybil seems genuinely
happy with Branson. Mary promises to accept Branson into the family, and tells
Sybil that the Grey family is coming to their dinner tomorrow night, including
some chap named Larry, who apparently at one time had the hots for Sybil at
some indiscriminate point in the past.
Mary wants to know what will happen to the Swire
money if they can't find Polbrook, and it's pretty plain that she's keen to go
swimming in the Swire money vault. Matthew insists that he can't keep the money
due to some sort of chivalric loyalty to Lavinia, whom he still thinks he
inadvertently killed.
Over in Cora and Robert's room, Cora wants to know
why Robert was so foolish to invest all his money in one place. He confesses
that he's lost almost all of her fortune, but Cora reassures him. It's good she
doesn't know that Robert nearly banged a maid.
The next day, Branson feels like he needs to move
into the pub until the wedding is over, since he can't take any more Crawley
family dinners. Matthew shows he's a good sport and encourages him to stay at
the house, and Matthew and Branson start a bromance.
Bates is still in prison and prison still sucks.
Anna's convinced Vera committed suicide because Anna doesn't think a thief
broke in, cooked Vera an arsenic pie and forced her to eat it. After all,
arsenic pies don't kill people, homicidal pastry chefs do.
How long have we spent on this plotline? Only five minutes so far? Oh...
The Crawleys are having yet another dinner and Edith
is hoping the unobservant Sir Anthony will notice her Marcelle wave. Edith
believes she could be at least as happy with Sir Anthony as Anna is with her
imprisoned husband. Way to set standards for yourself, Lady Edith. You modern
woman, you.
In the hallway, O'Brien asks Thomas to help Alfred
make the leap from footman to valet. Thomas refuses, expressing bitterness over
his difficulties getting a valet position himself. He walks away and the wheels
in O'Brien's head start turning. She may not be scheming to keep her position
in the house, but O'Brien is still the same old O'Brien and I doubt she'll let
Thomas stop her from helping Alfred rise to such exalted heights as valetry.
Fast music! Cars arriving! It's time to par-tay! Pan
to Branson in conversation with Sir Larry Grey who looks like Rupert Everett
and Alan Cumming had a love child and said offspring got his ears caught in a
mechanical rice picker. Unsurprisingly, Lady Sybil wasn't ever into Larry the
Penguin, so jealous that Branson is now married to Sybil, Larry decides to
bully him. Like all Twilight fans tweener girls, Larry makes
fun of Branson's clothes, or really his lack of a snazzy set of tails. Even
though all Branson has to wear is that really awful brown tweedy number, he has
packed his manners, thank you very much and he walks away avec dignite. But hark! Sir Larry has put Something in Branson's
drink. I'm really not sure what chemical compound there could have been in 1920
that could cause someone to act drunk aside from, well, alcohol. Sir Anthony,
the old dear, noticed something awry during cocktail hour and alerts the family
that someone is clearly trying to date rape Branson. This endears him to Lady
Edith all the more. So Branson might be poisoned, but Sir Larry may very well
have invented the world's first roofie. In spite of Branson's GHB-fueled
outburst, Matthew decides he wants Branson to be his best man, and Branson
agrees.
Skip ahead a couple scenes to Mary trying on her
trousseau. Mary is still spending money like it's going out of style, so Robert
decides this would be a good time to let her know that the money is (gasp) gone.
To be continued in Part II...
1 comment:
Awesome recap! The line about changing the topic to something less charged, like Irish independence, made me laugh out loud at my desk at work. So thanks for that. :o)
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