Making a Run (heh) at The Flash

My name is Clovis and I’m the fastest blogger alive.

Okay, so that’s clearly not true given how long it’s been since I’ve published a post, but I couldn’t resist the into when talking about yet another of the pantheon of new comic book properties that are showing up on our airwaves. I speak of The Flash, of course; The CW’s Arrow spinoff chronicling the story of Barry Allen, the Fastest Man Alive.

No.  The other fastest man alive.  The white hipster-y one.

Like Arrow before it and Gotham alongside it, The Flash is another of DC Comics’ superhero stories.  Barry Allen is a forensic scientist working in Central City when he is working one night in his lab and is struck by a stray lightning bolt and falls into a wall of chemicals.  When he comes to, he finds himself with the ability to move at super speed and quickly becomes a crime fighter facing off against other oddly-powered individuals.  As with my Gotham review, this one is going to get nerdy, folks.  If you’d prefer to skip all the comic book talk and jump straight to the TV show, you can jump ahead.

Wow, what a flashy character!

The Comic Book

So here’s the fast and dirty (get used to it guys, the puns are irresistible on a topic like this) on The Flash:  Barry has super speed.  He can run faster than anything else on the planet, fast enough to run on water and generally muck about with physics in all sorts of fun ways.  He can vibrate his atoms to allow him to do things like pass through walls.  He can also, on rare occasions, transcend and travel through time due half to Einsteinian physics and half to comic book hand-wavium.  He is motivated by an almost naive desire to do good partially stemming from seeing his mother murdered mysteriously as a boy.  He is also always, ironically, late to everything.

The character is actually one of comic books longest-running legacy characters.  It’s also notable for being one of the first comic book characters to introduce the idea that a super hero could age out of his or her role and be replaced.  The character of The Flash originally dates back to 1940, the Golden Age of comic books, and was a college student named Jay Garrick who gained his super speed after inhaling water vapor. (Yes, really.)  In 1956, DC Comics streamlined its storytelling process, the first of MANY times it would do this, and integrated all its separate characters into a shared universe.  In the process, The Flash was given a different identity, costume, and background and was now Barry Allen, forensic scientist who gets his powers through that aforementioned lightning bolt.  Barry Allen would later be replaced by Wally West, the character’s nephew in 1986.  I bring this up because each time The Flash became a different man, the other characters still continued to exist.  This made The Flash as an identity something that could be passed down, a radical concept to comic books.  For a sense of perspective, consider that with a few stunt-stories, Batman has always been Bruce Wayne, Superman has always been Clark Kent, Iron Man has always been Tony Stark, and Peter Parker has always been Spider-Man.

The people who make red spandex are basically kept in business by these guys.

This sense of legacy in the comics is what has always given The Flash a certain emotional heft to it.  Barry recognizes Jay as a predecessor, while Wally comes to utterly revere Barry after becoming the Flash himself due to, shall we just say, unfortunate events related to Barry.  As such, The Flash as a character is always imbued with the notion of time being a precious commodity and the idea that we’re all racing toward an ending that’s coming faster than any of us would like it to.  Despite that gloomy notion, The Flash as a character is almost uniformly written as an optimist.  In all iterations, from Jay to Wally (and beyond, but that’s getting more detailed than you want, trust me), The Flash represents the character who, possibly more than almost any other super hero, does what he does because he believes in the best of people and just wants to do the right thing.

Okay, non-comic books fans.  You can come back now.

"Faster than a speeding bul... oh hey wait..."

The TV Show

I’ll say right away, like Maggie Cats said a few weeks ago, The Flash had one of my favorite new pilots this season.  Almost everything about the way the show has presented its key characters and its premise has been on pace right from the start.  Barry (Grant Gustin), initially introduced last year as a guest character in Arrow, is established at the start as a forensic scientist working for the Central City police department.  He’s been drawn to a life in law-enforcement after seeing his mother murdered under HIGHLY mysterious circumstances as a young boy.   With his father convicted of the murder, Barry was raised by family friend and police officer Joe West (played by Jesse L. Martin) who raised Barry as a sorta-sibling to his own daughter, Iris (Candace Patton).  Barry’s father, btw, is played by John Wesley Shipp who played The Flash in the short-lived 1990s era TV version of the same character.  In the pilot episode, Barry is struck by a stray bolt of electricity as the result of a catastrophic accident at STAR Labs, a sort of CERN-esque research facility headed by Dr. Harrison Wells (Tom Cavanagh).  When Barry awakens six months later, he finds that he has acquired super speed as well as an enhanced physiology that has increased his endurance and his ability to heal.  What is a young man to do in this situation?  Fight crime, naturally.

From there, the show plays out as you’d expect from The CW.  We’ve got your over-arching mystery (what was that strange yellow blur that killed Barry’s mother in their own home all those years ago?), your healthy dose of love-triangle (Barry is, natch, secretly in love with Iris who sees him like a best friend and is herself involved in a secret relationship with her father’s rookie partner at work), an assortment of enemy-of-the-week villains (turns out that stray bolt of electricity didn’t just affect Barry), and a possible twist (the good Dr. Harrison who helps Barry establish his heroic identify may not be all that he seems to be).  The thing that makes all of this work, honestly, is the speed at which this story progresses.  There’s no denying it – The Flash moves quickly.

Pictured: Rush hour in the speed lane.  I'll stop.

Unlike Arrow’s season-long brooding, Barry gets into this hero thing before the end of the first episode. All the major plotlines are introduced, the outlines of each character’s development are laid out, and we’re, well, off and running.  Seriously, more happens in the first thirty minutes of the pilot episode than you see in most seasons of an HBO series.  The show is also undeniably fun.  The Flash as a character is universally depicted in the comic books as someone with a sense of humor.  He’s Peter Parker without all the personal hard luck.  In keeping with that, you’re not going to find much in the way of personal agonizing or tortured development here.  Barry wears bright red and yellow and speeds around at 300mph in the middle of the day.  Unlike Arrow’s Oliver or even any of the numerous iterations of Batman, there’s no need to only operate at night.  In a cameo scene with Oliver Queen, Ollie even calls this out when urging Barry to use his powers to help his city.  “You can inspire people in a way I never could,” he tells Barry.

The Easter Eggs

Of course, in addition to all this actual mainstream drama and adventure, there are TONS of bones thrown for nerds like me.  After the STAR Labs accident, a broken gorilla cage bears the name “Grodd”, implying something has gotten out.  Barry’s first speed tests occur at a Ferris Air testing field.  One of Barry’s superhero support team members is Francisco “Cisco” Ramon.  The other is Caitlin Frost.  Caitlin’s fiancé, tragically killed during the STAR Labs explosion, was Ronnie Raymond.  In the comics, every issue begins with the same phrase: “My name is Barry Allen and I am the Fastest Man Alive.”  Because every episode begins with a brief recap of what’s come before, take one guess what the voiceover begins with?  And at the risk of avoiding spoilers, I won’t even mention several other major plot points and characters introduced in the first few episodes that potentially point to some MAJORLY big (and spoiler-y) things that DC Comics and Warner Brothers appear to be ramping up for all their comic book properties, including a few possible implications for those big movies that you might have heard were recently announced.

Um. Spoilers?

Bottom line? Watch this damn show.  It’s fun, it’s adventurous, it’s breezy, and it’s got some great action with a nice dose of frothy character mush.  Nerds will feel respected, everyone else will just enjoy a good story playing out. 

The Flash airs Tuesday nights at 8/7c on The CW.

Death Becomes Pemberley

A murder, a ball, a ghost story, a secret romance, and a possibly rabid woman running amok in the woods. It must be...Jane Austen!

Look at this stuff! Isn't it neat? Don't you think my collection's complete? 

Because OF COURSE Lizzie and Darcy could not just live their 1% lifestyle without being troubled by Lizzie's batshit sister and her good-for-nothing husband, Wickham. Because you know all of what I'm about to tell you more or less happened barely after the last paragraph of P&P was written, Jane Austen put down her quill pen, and the ink dried. Do not front and say this isn't canon. You know everything went immediately to hell after the wedding. JANE AUSTEN IS A LIE. You guys, this is hilarious. Actual real JA fan fiction brought to a teevee or computer screen near you.

The action actually begins a few years into Lizzie and Darcy's marriage. The Darcys have spawned a boy named Fitzwilliam (natch). Lizzie and Darcy are planning a ball, and then Captain Denny is mysteriously (and quite inconveniently, I might add) murdered, which basically strands everyone at Pemberley until the MUHDUH is solved. So, get ready for some Regency Clue realness. 

Fine weather for a MUHDUH.

The plot will be familiar to those who have read the novel of the same name. It begins with two Pemberley servant wenches, straight of out of Downton Abbey central casting, who claim to have seen the "ghost of Mrs. Riley" in the woods. Mrs. Riley is an unfortunate figure whose ghost reportedly haunts the woods around Pemberley after she committed suicide because her young son was hanged for poaching a deer on the Pemberley property. According to the legend, her appearance foretells the onset of tragedy. Wooooooooo. Unfortunately for the veracity of the ghost tale, Lizzie encounters this same woman in the woods, and when Lizzie attempts to restore the lady's lost bonnet, she straight up hisses at her. At which point, Anna Maxwell Martin is Deeply Confused.

Is she Catwoman or WTF? Wait, which Jane Austen fanfiction am I in? Is this the vampire one? Shit.

Georgiana Darcy has grown about ten feet, and she is in the lovez with a socially awkward lawyer, which makes total sense for her, actually. However, Colonel Fitzwilliam, who was such a sweetie in the novel, is hot for Georgiana and has apparently morphed into a real shady character since we last saw him. I blame Lady Catherine. So anyone who has a real stick up their bum about Jane Austen canon should stop watching RIGHT NOW.

You mean this didn't really happen in the book? You mean they made it up? Wait...

Things are going along swimmingly in Lizzie's tricked out life, until she is unfortunately reminded of her genetic and marital ties in the form of her sister Lydia and her dastardly rake husband, Wickham. WICKHAM. MISTAH WICKHAM. 

We see Wickham arguing with Captain Denny over Something, and Denny appears to be trying to talk Wickham out of some sort of deceitful behavior (because he is the most appalling rake), and Wickham is insisting that whatever it is that he has done or wants to do is no big deal. They are interrupted by the appearance of Lydia and HOLY SHIT IT'S CLARA!

You think you've got problems? Girl, please. I have, like, no idea where I parked my Tardis.

Lydia and Wickham's story, as it is revealed, is that they were planning to crash the ball at Pemberley, since they weren't invited because awkward. They are not received at Pemberley. They're just classy like that. Denny accompanies them, and midway on their journey, the coach stops and Denny gets out and goes into the Pemberley woods. Wickham, angry, gets out of the carriage too, and follows him. What happens after that remains the mystery that we must unravel.

Lydia's story is that she heard gun shots, immediately freaked out, and ordered her coachman to complete the journey to Pemberley, leaving Wickham and Denny behind. 

She bursts into Pemberley, creating all the drama that she so dearly loves, and announces that Wickham is dead dead dead alack alack he's dead. Mrs. Bennet helpfully suggests that it might be fine because Wickham might have died in a duel, and that sends Lydia into a fresh round of hysterics.

No, no. Tell the nice man from the newspaper I'm your momager, honey. 

Darcy and the other menfolk launch an expeditionary force to find Wickham and Denny, and they find Wickham sobbing over a super dead Denny. The game is then afoot! Wickham is, of course, the main suspect.  This is where things get mysteriously mysterious because everyone agrees that Wickham -- cad, reprobate, dipsomaniac that he is -- is not a murderer. Everyone also agrees that Lydia and Wickham probably know a lot more than they are telling.

Wickham: He's literally wearing a red, shirt.

Lydia: I know, right.

Darcy is forced to set off for the magistrate, an aging hippie named Mr. Hardcastle. Hardcastle and the Darcys have bad feelings between their families, because Hardcastle's father was responsible for prosecuting Mrs. Riley's son, and who had pushed for the boy's hanging. This was against the older Mr. Darcy's wishes. Hardcastle requests to see the sleeping Wickham, and then goes to meet the local barber veterinarian butcher doctor, to inspect the dead Denny. They determine that Denny died not from a gunshot wound, but someone gave him a jolly good whack on the back of the head. Ouchie. If it hadn't happened in the woods, I would have guessed it was the professor in the wine cellar with a candlestick.

Cause of death: Being an ancillary.

Wickham is later arrested for the murder, sending Clara, I mean Lydia, into further hysterics. The trouble is, no one really believes that Wickham committed the murder, and it may be up to Lizzie and Darcy to solve the murder, probably primarily Lizzie since she was on Bletchley Circle and so she has practice with that sort of thing. So now Lizzie is going to have to Do The Right Thing and clear the name of a man she hates. Is this going to be the redeeming of Wickham? Does he really need to be redeemed? Can't he just be a giant asshat? I haven't read the book, so I have no idea how it ends. I may or may not be hoping that the twist will turn out that Mr. Darcy killed Denny because he's a robot alien sent to destroy us all (much like Tom Hiddleston).

You think he's real, ladies? Come. On. Clearly aliens sent him to take us down.

In that case, I'm hoping that it's revealed that The Doctor sent Clara into Pride & Prejudice to pretend to be Lydia in order to catch the Darcybot before he can destroy Pretend Regency England. And Fantasia as well.

Exteerminate! Exteerminate!

But the real enemy, as it turns out, is not the Darcybot, but Lady Catherine, who is, of course, the Giant Cockroach Queen.

A girl can hope.

My overall reaction is that I thought this was really fun. If you really take Jane Austen seriously, then perhaps this isn't the movie for you, but if you are all about murder mysteries, costumed aggression, and people sobbing in corsets while flailing around big, fancy houses

#Swag

then this is right up your alley. Maggie Cats says she has actually been to the P&P house, which makes me jelly. I kid about Jenna Coleman as Lydia, but I really think she is a brilliant choice for that part. She is not a person I would have thought of immediately to play Lydia, but seeing her in the part makes total sense. I also enjoy the casting of Rebecca Front as Mrs. Bennet. She is the no-nonsense Chief Supt. Jean Innocent on Inspector Lewis and it's fun to see her take on a role as removed from her Lewis character as the flighty and clueless Mrs. Bennet.

The next installment of Death Comes to Pemberley airs on PBS during Masterpiece Mystery. In my area that means Sunday at 9 p.m. EST. Check local listings for dates and times. 

Criminals Are a Superstitious, Foreshadowing Lot

I’m going to get this out of the way right at the beginning:  I’m a huge Batman fan, but I hate seeing his origin story.  The reason is because I’ve seen it so. Many. Damn. Times.  And now, come to your television and mine, is Gotham; yet another origin story for Batman.  And as the TV Sluts most dedicated comic book nerd, I’m here to break it down for you.  Fair warning: I’m getting Bat-nerdy ALL OVER THIS MOFO.  I won’t feel badly if you need to turn back now.

I"m so desensitized to this image that for all I know, this could be from Modern Family.

The saving grace of this take on Batman’s origin is that it is told through the eyes of a young Lt. James Gordon, the man who will one day become Gotham City’s famous Commissioner of Police.  As we see how Gordon will eventually become the paragon of law and order, the show is promising to focus more on the development of the various rogues and ne’er-do-wells that will eventually becomes Batman’s famous villains than on the Dark Knight himself.  As such, it’s sort of Batman without the Batman, though a young Bruce Wayne is a regular character.

The first episode sets the stage for us with a variety of characters good, bad, and ambivalent react to the shocking murder of Thomas and Martha Wayne, the wealthiest couple in the city and, obviously, parents to young Bruce.  We see the reaction to the crime from the three different factions of people Gotham has laid out for us: the police investigating the crime, the mob factions who see it as a potential leverage point, and the people caught up in between, most of whom have rather familiar names.

They're like the Brady Bunch.  With more secrets.  And darker clothes.  

And that’s where Gotham earns a lot of its nerd street cred right off the bat.  Seriously, you guys, there hasn’t been a finer collection of Easter Eggs in one place since the last White House Easter Egg Roll.   All the mainstays of the Batman universe are here:  Sarah Essen is Jim Gordon’s captain.  His partner is Harvey Bullock.  The CSI-guy who helps them understand the ballistics of evidence is Edward Nygma.  Bullock and Gordon, who work in Homicide, are envious and jealous of two other cops always showing them up from Major Crimes, ReneeMontoya and Crispus Allen.  And that’s just the police force.  The show opens on a teenage Selina Kyle just learning how to be a thief.  The daughter of a mob lackey is a young Poison Ivy.  Mob boss Fish Mooney’s underling is none other than Oswald Cobblepot.  Right off the bat (heh), your Batman geeks are SQUEEE-ing all over the place.

The risk for the show, then, is how to tell a major story that everyone knows, how Bruce Wayne becomes Batman, with this many characters, most of whom are the ones that are usually in the periphery.  Gotham aims to tackle that problem by running largely like a police procedural with an emphasis on the job that James Gordon has fallen into as the Last Good Man in Gotham City.  We can only presume that the deeper stories, already starting to be seeded in the pilot episode, will begin to fill in the holes that a Law & Order: Gotham would be unwilling to.

So how does it do in its first four episodes?  All told, not too bad.  Let’s start with look and feel.  Production value is high and the show looks slick.  The show gets a lot of free atmosphere simply from filming in New York rather than Los Angeles or Vancouver and as such, Gotham City looks and feels real.  New York is stylized, blending the actual architecture of a gritty city with enhanced fantastical elements to give it a more gothic feel.  The skies are always moody, the streets are always dirty.  To a comic book nerd like me, it looks very close to how Gotham City is supposed to look.  Denny O’Neil, one of the all-time greatest Batman writers who help shaped the character, once described Gotham as looking exactly like New York below 14^th street at 10 minutes past midnight on the coldest, wettest night in November.  The show has followed that lead, effectively making Gotham City a character in and of herself.

So how about the story?  Wisely, the central mystery that we’re given (who actually killed the Waynes?) is carried through the first four episodes without being overbearing.   The show is devoting much more time to showing how corrupt Gotham City is and what it means to try to keep this city, built on a precarious system of checks and balances between the warring crime families, the police, and the emerging underclass of citizens who are taking matters into their own hands, from falling into chaos.  The writing itself is, for the most part, good while obviously trying to find its pace and hit its stride, a common issue for new shows.  Some truly clunky dialogue in the first episode is thankfully significantly improved by the third, which gives me a lot of confidence for the rest of the season.  (Though for the sake of full disclosure, I would watch this show no matter what just because of the topic.  I’m a sucker.)   

This course of action is not uncalled for in my case. 

The performances vary from middling to fascinating.  Donal Logue’s Harvey Bullock and Robin Lord Taylor’s Oswald Cobblepot in particular steal just about every scene they’re in.  Taylor lets his proto-Penguin be sleazy and slimy while at the same time making you want to know more about this kid who is so clearly set on a bad path.   By episode four, Oswald has already started to become a minor player in the nascent gang war that has started to erupt since the death of the Waynes.  Likewise, Logue nails Harvey Bullock as the cop who is just going along to get along in a city as corrupt as Gotham is, despite the fact that underneath it all he really wishes he could make a difference.   The actor having the most fun with a role, however, is clearly Jada Pinkett Smith, cast as a mid-level mob boss named Fish Moody who nominally is in service to Carmine Falcone, the head of the most powerful mob family in Gotham, but scheming to improve her own station.  Watching Jada Pinkett Smith as she Eartha Kitts al over her scenes is legitimately fun.   And while Ben McKenzie is solid as James Gordon, it’s hard to get too creative with a hero character who has to carry all the action.  His best scenes so far have been playing off young Selina Kyle, cast here as a street orphan who’s ridiculously talented at getting by on her own.  (Selina is perhaps the character that the writers have nailed most solidly.  Every line she has absolutely sounds like something the 13-year-old version of Catwoman would say.)

"Purrrrrfect?"

That kind of devotion to the comics without being hemmed in by them is part of what makes Gotham so enjoyable for me.  The writers are playing with any number of nerdy references: Gordon and his Fiancé, Barbara, live in a curiously lavish penthouse apartment with the main feature being a huge clockface that doubles as a window.  Comic readers know that this couple’s future daughter, who becomes Batgirl, is frequently drawn in her own high-tech apartment in a prominent clocktower somewhere in Gotham.  Episode four revolves around a development deal to bring back the abandoned Arkham Asylum.  (A map showing the neighborhood even refers to the area as “Arkham City.")  Characters meet at the corner of Fourth and Grundy.  The dancers at Fish Moody’s night club are dressed curiously as harlequins.   There's even a struggling comedian who auditions at the same club.  (The producers have stated that they will tease exactly who becomes the Joker over time, and likely ambiguously owing to the ambiguous nature of the character's origins in the comics.)  

A Batman TV show has been something of the Holy Grail for both networks and Warner Brothers for some time.  For as popular as the character is, there are a dozen reasons why the last time Batman was on live action television, he was played by Adam West.  And while Gotham bears no resemblance at all to the 1960s Batman, fans of the Bat universe will be more than pleased to see it brought to them each week.  Whether or not it can win over more casual viewers is now the question.

Gotham airs Monday nights at 8pm on Fox.

Fall Shows Yayayaya...

Hello, my children. How are you wayward delinquents today?  

Here are three shows that have been somewhat occupying my attention in recent days and weeks. 

Gracepoint

You know that I love me some MUHDUH mysteries. Normally, I watch British mysteries, including the delightfully wacky Miss Marple series. That said, I am probably the only person on the planet who hasn't seen Broadchurch, and I am thus intrigued by the American incarnation of the David Tennant series, Gracepoint. So, if you're reading this post and hoping it will contain a comparison of Gracepoint to Broadchurch, culminating in the hipster assertion that the American version WILL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS THE BRITISH VERSION, I advise you to quit this post posthaste and make some artisan cheese to assuage your frustration. Maggie Cats has written her take on Gracepoint, so I shall add my two cents.

I watched the season premiere of Gracepoint and I was pretty engrossed, and that's saying a lot since I have the attention span of your average house cat. I am stoked for all things British, but thus far I cannot say that Gracepoint is better or worse than the British version.

The plot is pretty simple and will be familiar to those who have seen Broadchurch.  David Tennant stars in a role based on his role on Broadchurch. He portrays Emmett Carver, your stereotypically grizzled and disillusioned detective. Carver has a Past that is haunting and threatening to catch up with him.  Butting heads with him is Detective Ellie Miller (Anna Gunn), who learned she had been replaced by Carver when she returned from family vacation. So there's already tension there. From Wikipedia:

Detective Ellie Miller is upset when Emmett Carver is assigned as lead detective while she was on vacation. Carver's first case is a cut barbed-wire fence. Twelve-year-old Danny Solano goes missing, and his body is found at the base of cliffs overlooking the local beach. Beth Solano sees her son's body on the beach and breaks down. Having known the Solanos for years, Ellie deals with her own personal struggles as well as the Solanos'. A crime scene officer says the crime scene was altered to look like an accident, and the pathologist says Danny was killed by blunt force trauma to the head. Carver and Ellie disclose the cause of Danny's death to the Solanos, and Mark identifies the body. Ellie's nephew and ambitious reporter Owen Burke extracts information from Ellie for a Twitter report, causing tension with the police and upsetting the Solanos. Ellie takes the blame for Owen's action. Carver is asked if he wishes to withdraw from the case, but he does not. Renee Clemons, reporter for the San Francisco Globe, arrives in town without her supervisor's permission to try to get an exclusive on the death. Beth visits the crime scene with Ellie, and Ellie expresses her grief to her husband Joe. Ellie tells their son, Tom, about Danny's death, and he then secretly wipes his mobile phone and computer to remove evidence. Owen unwittingly provides Renee with a link to Chloe Solano, and CCTV footage shows Danny skateboarding down a street on the night of his murder. Ellie notes that Danny's phone and skateboard were not recovered at the crime scene and are missing. At a press conference, Carver urges anyone to come forward if anyone they know is behaving differently and remarks: "We will catch whoever did this."

This is one of those shows that you either commit to and follow through to the end, or you give up after the first couple of episodes. It's only 10 episodes, so the usual multi-season formula so common in American series is being put to the test here. It will be interesting to see if the British series formula works in the United States. The first episode was actually pretty engrossing, and I will continue to watch it unless it completely goes off the rails. It's my understanding that Gracepoint is a point-for-point copy of Broadchurch, so is that a good thing or a bad thing? Will they change things up and do a musical episode? I hope so. I guess Fox is trying to cash in on this critically acclaimed drama award-winning stuff. We'll see if that pans out for them.

"Just get back in your Tardis...or mope around your castle...or sweep a chimney...or something."

I enjoyed the pilot because it was full of intrigue and I like intrigue. Also, being from a small town in the Midwest has given me a healthy appreciation for small-town hypocrisy, Dirty Little Secrets kept by "elite" members of the social hierarchy, and community tragedies revealing cracks in the idyllic veneer. It's sort of my milieu. Yes, I used milieu in a sentence.

British Columbia stars as Northern California.

Gracepoint airs 9 p.m. EST Thursdays on Fox.


Inspector Lewis

Okay, so ITV and PBS totally LIED about last season being the last season ever of Inspector Lewis. It was probably just a conspiracy to get us all to go console ourselves with Endeavour, which is great, don't get me wrong, but ZOMG Lewis & Hathaway. 

Our conclusion: The pints were MUHDUHED. We MUHDUHED these mofos.

It is really good to see Hathaway and Lewis back together solving MUHDUHS again. At the end of last season, Lewis (Kevin Whatley) was set to retire and go shack up with and/or marry the Lady Coroner, Laura Hobson. A disillusioned Hathaway was quitting the force to pursue that most common of affluent white people past times, to Find Himself.  Anyway, Hathaway decides that himself done got founded and returns to the Oxfordshire PD, as Detective Inspector Hathaway. Superintendent Jean Innocent asks Lewis to return as a consultant, even though he is retired. For plot reasons. It is called Inspector Lewis, after all. Continuity, people. Continuity.

Hathaway has a new underling, Detective Sergeant Lizzie Maddox, A Lady. I ship them.

Other than the changes, it's the same academic MUHDUHS and high-jinks in the homicide-laden Oxford.

Inspector Lewis generally airs at 9 p.m. Sundays on PBS. 

The Paradise

As you may recall from my post last year, I was all aflutter about The Paradise, BBC's answer to ITV's Mr. Selfridge and Downton Abbey.

"Okay, so. For this scene, girls, think Clueless."

I am including it in my post about MUHDUH because THE BBC MUHDUHED THIS SHOW. They MUHDUHED IT.  

I'm not sure when and where this crime occurred. I think it happened when the BBC realized they could tart up trashy soap operas with crinolines and a few bustles and call it art. THANKS DOWNTON ABBEY. The Paradise has lost its soul. I think mayhaps the writers are searching high and low for material. The show is still pretty good, but it's not AS good as the first season. Perhaps its just the sophomore curse, but BBC of course canceled the show so there will be no season 3 of The Paradise. More Big Brother UK coming to a tele near you, Britons. 

After Moray and Katherine Glendenning's marriage plans fell through at some point after the end of last season, she (Bitchtits) banished him to Paris and away from his True Love, Denise.

Denise and Mr. Moray have consecrated their luvz for one another (not in that way; get your minds out of the gutter) so as they are no longer gazing longingly at each other over a window dressing 

I want you to dress me like one of your French girls.

the tension between them has lessened somewhat, shall we say. Since Bitchtits is now married to a philandering gajillionaire widower, and is no longer overtly trying to rape Moray, the show has had to create drama elsewhere. I was underwhelmed by the season premiere, and I was left perplexed by the second episode of the season. 

A couple of new characters have joined the cast. Katherine aforementioned hubby, Tom Weston, is a psychologically scarred war veteran whose first wife died, leaving him with his young daughter, Flora. Katherine has decided that Flora makes a nice pet, so she has showered her with attention and fripperies and furbelows from the store. Since Moray ended up losing the store ownership to the Glendennings, to whom he owed money, Katherine and Tom now own the store, since Katherine's father died. Weston constantly cheats on Katherine and brazenly makes passes at everything in a skirt, including shop girl Clara, and Katherine is probably scheming to destroy Moray while pretending to have forgiven Moray for his betrayal and to also destroy Denise for a-stealin' her man. Yeah, yeah. Katherine says she's reformed but considering how batshit crazy she was on Season 1 I'm guessing she's got something up her finely laced sleeve.

INTRIGUE!

Another new character is the scullery wench/cook/token Cockney, Myrtle. Myrtle works in the kitchen at The Paradise and shouts at everyone loudly in an accent indicative of the lower social orders. She generally looks unkempt, sweaty, and as she is working class, she is more than a little bit slutty, indicated by her low-cut frock, messy hair, and boobs jacked to Jesus.

Don't 'it me!

Anyway, I will continue to watch and see it through to the end/death of the series. I'm sorry to see the series go off the air. It had a solid first season and this season is entertaining if a bit silly.

Catch The Paradise on PBS. It generally airs on Masterpiece on Sundays, but as always with PBS, check your local listings.

New Fall Shows, Round 3!

The hits keep on coming, and by "hits" I mean shows that will likely get cancelled in another few weeks. Sorry for the delay in this latest round-up of capsule reviews, but I'm doing my best to make it up to y'all by being particularly clever and insightful with this latest batch.

That last part is a total lie, btw. You get your usual tired jokes and awful puns. You know you love it.

Anyway, let's get to it!

Selfie: The internet decided that this show was going to be terrible months before it even aired. After all, the main character, Eliza, is pretty much a walking example/cliche of everything that is wrong with our narcissistic, self-involved, tech-obsessed culture (despite being portrayed by the delightful Karen Gillan from Doctor Who). And based on the first 5 minutes, which were to be perfectly honest, horrifying, I would agree with the internet. But then a weird thing happened: Eliza (and the show) displayed some moments of genuine pathos that hit me in the gut. And then all of a sudden, I was rooting for Eliza to get her shit together and you know, become a real and likeable person.

Selfie is based on the play Pygamalion (though you are probably more familiar with the musical, My Fair Lady). In this version, Eliza seeks out the "rebranding" skills of her coworker and marketing expert, Henry, to teach her how to connect with people and make real friends...rather than just friending people on social media. What is surprising (and smart) is that Henry isn't set up as an all-knowing perfect example of normal humanity. In his own way, Henry is just as incapable as Eliza when it comes to making connections, so you know--they'll be able to learn from each other. I know, it sounds lame and it's definitely not an original idea, but Karen Gillan and John Cho are inherently likeable and I'll keep watching for now.

Rex Harrison and Audrey Hepburn they ain't.

Bottomline: If you can look past the vulgarity, there's some real meat and emotion to this story about the difficulty of connecting with others in our self-absorbed culture. Karen Gillan and John Cho are also both great in their respective roles. Selfie airs Tuesdays at 8:00 on ABC.

Gracepoint: The consensus on this one seems to be a general feeling of "....but why?" For those not in the know, Gracepoint is an Americanization of the British mystery series Broadchurch, about the murder of a young boy in an English village. In typical BBC fashion, the British version was nuanced, well-acted, and focused on not only the whodunnit aspect of the story, but also the secrets everyone in the small town kept from one another.

Usually when a British import is adapted for American television, people who are fans of the original wail and rend their garments lamenting how much worse the US show is in comparison to the British one. That's not the case here--Gracepoint is similarly atmospheric, similarly well-acted, and well, similarly everything good about Broadchurch. In fact, THAT's the problem. Gracepoint appears to be almost a shot for shot remake of Broadchurch--including the brilliant long tracking shot in the early minutes of the first episode that introduce the main players in the mystery.

They even got David Tennant to reprise his role as the police detective in charge of the investigation,  playing the exact same character, just with a cheesy American accent. Of course I don't know if the show will have the same killer as the British version, but to be honest, I'm not going to stick around to find out. I've seen this story already. I understand wanting to adapt the story for an American audience, especially given the high quality of the original, but as someone who has seen both, you gotta give me something new to keep me interested.

Even the actors are like, "why are we here?"

Bottomline: If you haven't seen Broadchurch, Gracepoint is a dramatic and intricate story about a murder  in a small town with excellent acting, atmosphere, and twists and turns. If you have seen Broadchurch, then you've also seen Gracepoint. Gracepoint airs Thursday evenings at 9:00 on FOX.

Manhattan Love Story: It's cute. It's too cute. It's another one of those annoying romantic "comedies" where he's a handsome bro, she's an adorable and quirky gal with bouncy curls, they're not perfect but they might just be perfect for each other!

Gag. Me.

It's too bad both the leads in this show are so annoying, because the supporting characters, especially girl best friend Amy (played by Jade Catta-Preta--a dead ringer for Lady Gaga when she looks normal), are actually really funny. But I don't think I can get past the cute. It's just trying too hard. Both the leads showed some promise of actual personality, but I'm not sticking with it to see if those hints of promise are explored.

Oh, and if I see one more show where the writers/producers try to make a gorgeous woman seem more "real" by having her unable to understand how a smart phone/email/Facebook work I am going to lose it and Hulk the fuck out.

She even bites her lower lip. You guys, I CANNOT EVEN.

Bottomline: Plays up every current rom-com cliche and the supporting actors deserve way better. Manhattan Love Story airs Tuesdays at 8:30 on ABC.

The Flash: One of my favorite pilots of the season, The Flash has a sense of fun that can be lacking in Arrow (don't get me wrong though--I love Arrow) but still maintains enough action and drama to keep your eyes glued to the television. It passed the smart phone test--meaning I wasn't reaching for my phone to fiddle with it while the show was on. 

But it's not all fun and games, there's also an underlying sense of stakes and peril; I wouldn't be surprised if some of the characters from the pilot get bumped off in the coming season. Special bonus points for giving Tom Cavanagh a role he can really bite into (is he a good guy? A secret Evil Mastermind? I don't knoooooow!) and putting Jesse L. Martin back on my tv. Do you think he will sing in an upcoming musical episode? God, I hope so. This is a short review, but that's because I don't really have anything negative to say. The Flash is just good old-fashioned comic book fun. 

"Wheeee, I'm super fast! And bouncy!"

Bottomline: The Flash impresses with its ability to combine the fun of superpowers with a real sense of darkness and danger for the characters. One of my favorites of the season, The Flash airs Tuesday evenings at 8:00 on the CW.  

The Scariest Thing on Television

You guys.  I was seriously just about to post my promised review of Gotham (coming right up, I promise!) when a quick cursory fact check via Twitter informed me that Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk, creators of Nip/Tuck, Glee, and, my personal favorite, American Horror Story are spinning off the latter show into a new franchise that just may be the scariest thing on TV; reality television.

And by that I mean actual reality television, not the scripted Kim Kardashian stuff.  The new series? An anthology in the same vein as American Horror Story that will try to do for the weekly true crime genre what AHS has done for the weekly horror show.  The new series will be called, seriously, American Crime Story and season one will be the O.J. Simpson story.

Terrifying!

I'll be honest that I thought this was some kind of April Fool's Day joke when I came across it, but low and behold it is, in fact, real.  The creative team behind AHS (season four debuts tomorrow.  Jesus, I have a lot of writing to do...) have been "looking for the right property that could serve as an extension of the American Horror Story brand."

This may not be a crazy idea.  An anthology series about America's most notorious crimes would certainly fit the bill in terms of expanding AHS's franchise brand.  AHS has already shown itself to be very willing to tell stories in multiple time periods and presumably the format would allow Murphy et al to visit any significant true crime from all of American history.

That's the good news.  My worry is that we're going to get a series about stories that are already overly sensationalized by the team that brought us Glee.  Subtle is not their bailiwick.  And while I don't think a poorly filmed take on O.J. Simpson is likely to do anything like, say, restart the L.A. riots, I do worry about how well the show will be able to present these stories, especially if the aim is to do them as true crime and not as the kind of "true crime" we saw in season one of AHS with the Black Dahlia.  As dramatic as murder is in real life, Hollywood has typically felt for some reason that it isn't sensational enough. That kind of sexing up of history will be harder to pull off in cases like O.J. Simpson, which is a story that existed in the era of modern news, but it will be significantly harder if season two is the Lindbergh Baby.

American Crime Story will air on FX sometime in 2015.

New Fall Shows, Round 2!

Another week, another post with some capsule reviews. You see all the time and energy I am putting into this for you people! IT'S ALL FOR YOU.

Anyway, hit it!

Gotham: Clovis is going to give you a full review (and possibly recap?) for this one, but I'll just say a few words. So far, it's been my favorite pilot of the season: stylish and with enough originality to distinguish itself from the other comic book adaptations and Batman stories we've all seen. The focus here is on Jim Gordon, a new detective at the Gotham PD, who is in the extreme minority of the police force with his sense of "ethics" and "justice" and "not killing everything in sight." Sure, we get a look at the murder of Mommy and Daddy Wayne and Gordon forms a bond with a young Bruce, but right now that's secondary. The real focus is on Gordon is battling the rise of Gotham's most notorious villains. 

Fans will immediately notice the future Catwoman, Riddler, and Penguin, but the real baddie is Fish Mooney, a nightclub owner and power player in Gotham's underworld. She's played by Jada Pinkett Smith in a brilliant performance that was one of my favorite parts of the pilot. Fish is smart, badass, and with just enough camp and fun to make you root for her--while also knowing she is a horrible person. Gotham is the battle ground for Mooney and mobster Carmine Falcone who are locked in a fight for control of the city's criminal empire....while Gordon does his best to protect the people caught in the middle. Oh, and I would be remiss to not point out that Ben McKenzie is also great as Gordon. He reminds me of Russel Crowe in LA Confidential, but without the simmering rage. Gordon just wants to do the right thing. In Gotham though, nothing is ever going to be simple. 

Bottom line: Gotham is a dark and stylish comic nerd's dream, with great performances, a solid concept, and stories that will be fun to watch unfold.

Gotham airs Mondays at 8:00PM on FOX. 

Forever: I had very low expectations for this one; I figured it was another procedural with a medical examiner teaming up with a cop to solve murders. But darn if I didn't actually enjoy it. Perhaps it's because Ioan Gruffudd is all dashing and British and I remember him fondly from the BBC Horatio Hornblower movies (we'll pretend The Fantastic Four never happened, mmkay?). Or maybe it's because the show has Judd Hirsch, one of my favorite Jews. But really I think it's because there is enough of a mystery with the main character's, Dr. Henry Morgan, immortality that I find myself intrigued.

"What was that, Maggie? Did you say 'immortality??'" Why yes, I did, gentle reader. Thank you for noticing. You see, Henry can't die. Well, more accurately, he dies but then comes back almost immediately. Reborn at the same age, naked, in a nearby body of water. This has been happening for 200 years, so it's understandable that Henry has become somewhat obsessed with death; hence, his job as a medical examiner. He's also kind of a Sherlock Holmes--super observant, but not in an asshole way. In a more "OMG stop being so charming or I am going to slap you" type of way. He might be a bit too charming. It kind of bugs.

Anyway, the first two episodes had ok central murders to solve, but the real mystery is about Henry and why he can't stay dead. Add to that mysterious messages from someone who claims to share the same condition....and yes, folks, Consider me intrigued. I'll keep watching, though the first episodes' ratings weren't stellar so I'm not expecting this one to be around for long. 

Bottom line: A surprising solid show, though the mystery of Henry's immortality is way more compelling than the standard "murder of the week" storylines.

Forever airs Tuesdays at 10:00PM on ABC. 

Black-ish: Oh, man, I soooo wanted this to be good. I love Anthony Anderson and the ads made it look like it could be a biting satire of suburban culture and how it seems to erase all distinctions among people. Unfortunately, the pilot relied way too heavily on lame humor based around racial cliches and stereotypes. Though I will say the last 10 minutes were somewhat entertaining and I really enjoy the actress who plays the wife/Mom (and is also a doctor, yay!). I might give it another shot to show some more of the promise demonstrated in the later minutes of the pilot, but if the next episode is more of the same, I'm out. 

Bottomline: A disappointing pilot that might be redeemable if the focus shifts to the family rather than the lame racial stereotypes.

Black-ish airs Wednesday nights at 9:30 on ABC.

Madame Secretary: Another show I found surprisingly good. I thought that this was going to be some kind of lame overly sappy drama about a woman doing it her way in the cut-throat world of Washington politics, and while there is some of that (watch out for the cheesy slo-mo at the end of the pilot episode), it actually fills the void left by The West Wing pretty well. There's lots of walking and talking and political maneuvering. While the work Tea Leoni does as the Secretary of State probably steps outside the realistic bounds of the job description, it's still interesting to see inside a cabinet post that I don't know that much about.

So far the supporting cast doesn't leave much of an impression, except for Bebe Neuwirth and Zeljiko Ivanek ,who are both most excellent character actors and always elevate any material. I'm sure the writers will try to give the younger staff members some kind of sexy side plots, but whatever. It's CBS. It's not like they have the same demographic as The CW so I hope we don't go too far down that road. Anyway, I'll stick with it unless the schmaltz starts to outweigh the actual drama.

Bottom line: Promising political drama about a female Secretary of State who is more comfortable working outside the official channels, but has to learn to play politics or may herself with the Chief of Staff as an enemy.

Catch Madame Secretary Sundays at 8:00PM on CBS.


How to Get Away With Murder: This show is ALL ABOUT Viola Davis. She is amazing. Whenever she is on screen, the show is riveting. Whenever she is off the screen it's....well, not. No offense to the other cast members but they can't hold a candle to Davis.

Davis plays law professor Annalise Keating, who teaches Criminal Law at some mythical law school. She is also a partner at some random criminal defense lawfirm (because in tv land, defense attorneys have time to work two full time jobs) who hires a few of her first year law students to assist with her sensational murder trials. You know, like in Legally Blonde.

Ok, sidenote. I am a lawyer. However, I am not going to harp on the inaccuracies of how law school and the legal profession are depicted in this show. We all have our areas of expertise and I am sure some people have trouble watching fictionalized accounts of them; however, I am pretty good at turning my brain off and not letting it get to me. Let's just state for the record that nothing in this show--whether we're talking about law school, the courtroom, or the law firm--is realistic, and leave it at that.

I can't tell you how refreshing it is to see a character like Annalise Keating on television. She's brilliant, tough, manipulative, and kind of an asshole. Also a woman. And also really complicated. While she has many weapons, the writers and Davis infuse enough realism into the character to avoid making her a mustache-twirling villain. She's like the onion and/or parfait of prime time television.

How many times have we seen depictions of white dudes who are jerks, but command respect because of their smarts and their looks. And guess what? Annalise Keating is the same--but she's a lady of color. You could reverse gender cast almost any of the characters on this show without any problems, and I think that's kind of cool. I can't overstate how great Viola Davis is in the role and she is the clear reason to watch. The plot is intriguing (there's a lot of flashbacks so if you get confused with time jumps make sure you pay attention) so that's a point in it's favor, but Davis is completely compelling.

Unfortunately, the supporting cast (especially the law students, led by Alfred Enoch from the Harry Potter movies who is waaaaay out of his depth) doesn't hold the attention as much as Davis. But really, who could? I'm on board as long as Davis and the twisty plot live up to the promise of the pilot.

Bottom line: One of the better pilots of the season, Viola Davis is amazing in the lead role of Professor Annalise Keating, who pits her lamely stereotypical law students against one another in a competition for a few coveted spots in her criminal defense firm. But everyone has secrets...including the students, who find themselves covering up a murder of their own.

How To Get Away With Murder airs Thursday evenings at 10:00PM on ABC.

Marvel's Agents of SHIELD Season 2: A Mac Attack review

Remember last Fall when we all waited breathlessly for the premiere of SHIELD? And then the internet was like blah blah blah I hate it or blah blah blah I love it or blah blah blah I only watch things based on DC Comics? But then we stuck with SHIELD and it got really awesome in the Spring after the new Captain America movie? Well, even if you don't remember any of that--the second season of SHIELD has started and ready to weigh in on whether things have improved or gone down hill is Mac Attack. 

Warning: Spoilers. 

Let's begin with the TL;DR. I liked it, but it wasn't amazing. If my cousin is more indicative of the general audience than I am, the changes will be, on balance, positive.

I personally didn't like them. That said, this whole review comes under the caveat that In Joss We Trust, and also that the show is (in my opinion) supported by the broader Marvel Cinematic Universe as a whole, so there's no question but that I'll keep watching it. In short, it's less "great" and more "good" now. 

Breakdown. 

Director Coulson. What's up with him? He used to be Superman, in that he was the paragon of hope. Nothing could ever change his innate nature, his trust in himself, in his mission, in the ultimate goodness of humanity that had to be protected at all costs. Towards the end of last season he went through some stuff that made him darker for a while, but he seemed at times to be fighting to maintain that belief, even though he admitted it was faith. I sorta wish they'd found drama in other places and let this one thing be the solid foundation of the show, but at least then it was still an interesting conflict. Now... he just seems sorta waffling. He cares about his team, but he wants to take risks, and he'll stay in the shadows but look towards the light... It's more "real", I suppose, but also more boring. They could have achieved the same effect by introducing outside pressure (like from Melinda) that forces him to act that way, while maintaining the interesting parts of him. I'm not saying it's not a valid character choice, but it's a downgrade from what he used to be. 

I know people wanted more shout-outs to Marvel Canon. Here you go. Absorbing Man.

Here you go, canon fans. ... And ladies. 

I actually like how they're doing this. Pick a bunch of D-listers, take the name and power, then do your own thing with it. I would still have been in favor of an even more original, unique take, but if it keeps my cousin happy, I'll take it. I really think they threaded the needle on this one. They're giving the people who want this to be just an extension of the comics 90% of what they want, and giving people like me, who want something new and think the comics are a hot mess, 90% of what we want. Neither side is totally happy, but both sides keep watching.

Anyone who actually thinks Lucy Lawless's character is dead, raise her hand. Sidenote, that was a LOT of trust on Absorbing Man's part that rubber is immune to the Obelisk.

So... big dangerous mission, we're gonna take the risks, we need to win... and they get, what, a cool jet? To replace the cool jet they can't use anymore? We'll risk EVERYTHING to... maintain the status quo.

Seeing Skye in the field doing a good job with guns was a nice change.

Absorbing Man's trick of using the glass to turn invisible and draw in the guards was smarter than I give that character credit for.

Their handling of Talbot was masterful. Saving/kidnapping him, demonstrably wanting to get one thing out of him while secretly getting another thing, playing him like a puppet... add this to the fact that they have the team all doing each other's jobs (Skye's in the field while Trip's running computers) and I'm starting to suspect they poached some of the Leverage writers, which would be a huge positive in my book.

A few things I hate. 

The show has gotten stupider. Ontology is following intent, and that's always a bad thing. Absorbing Man had about a 45 second headstart on Agent Xena. How could he possibly have known where she was going, AND gotten ahead of her? And I don't totally agree with the physics of the crash. Perhaps they'll fix it later, explain that one of the mercenaries was a traitor or this Doctor Evilface dude was tracking them via GPS and somehow had a vehicle for Absorbing Man that was faster than a speeding car trying to go as fast as it could in a straight line on an empty road. If this is not at least referenced in the next episode (how could he POSSIBLY have gotten there in time?) I will be greatly disappointed.

Ward's imprisonment, he'll only talk to Skye, he's got an agenda and will attack psychologically. Skye is initially hesitant to meet with him and acts aggressive at the start. We, the audience, will slowly gain sympathy for him while Skye does. This sympathy will cause conflict between Skye and the people Ward's actually hurt, like Fitz. His ultimate betrayal of Skye's newfound trust results in his escape, while still somehow leaving potential room for his true redemption. Sorry, already saw the second season of Alias.

Absorbing Man's guards see him gone, so they immediately open the door and walk into the room. Because apparently they got kicked out of the Evil Overlord's Legion of Terror. I get that we were supposed to believe they weren't as good at being guards as SHIELD agents would have been, but did they have to be suicidally, mind-numbingly stupid?

A lot of potential. 

A lot of things weren't addressed in this premiere. I'm not against this, I think they did cover a lot, and I can't think of what I'd suggest they give up in order to cover these other things. I am looking forward to them finally being addressed.

Does Skye think of Ward, the man who trained her, when she's out in the field kicking ass with guns now? 

Melinda. We got almost nothing with her, though I love the complexities of her arrangement with Coulson. He's in charge of her and the mission, she's in charge of him as a resurrected half-alien. And they're both good enough at what they do to make this complicated relationship work. Mostly. Check in more often, Coulson. Don't be that trope.

I'm glad they've basically gotten rid of Fitz and Simmons, they were the show's crutch. I liked them as characters, and I'm glad they're still on the show, but they would just magic-science every problem. Now the characters will have to solve problems with skill and cleverness, and not just, "I've analyzed this and here's a magic antidote".

It was awesome seeing Carter's shout-out, odd that she calls it the end of Hydra, yay she's with the Howling Commandos. And interesting tie-in, now we know why "mysterious artifacts" are called 084's. It's these subtle details that really flesh out the world. This is why I will always keep watching.

A Guardians of the Galaxy tie-in was asking for too much; I can't think of a reference I would have actually liked, anyway.

From Risks above; too often, "take a risk" gets translated in TV to "try something that seems dangerous but then win big and get everything." I like that there was sacrifice. Things went wrong, costs were paid, but they got something for it. Tension. Yay.

Predictions. 

"He can absorb the properties of whatever he touches, we don't know how." A foreshadow to the 'age of miracles' from the end of Winter Soldier? Is this the beginning of a tie-in to Avengers: Age of Ultron?

The Obelisk, when activated, has runes on it like Garett and Coulson draw. Obviously a Kree artifact.

Oh, and a female lead changed her hair-style. I think I'm supposed to care about that, it prolly says something deep and meaningful about gender roles. I don't really care.

Wow...what a searing indictment of...um, wavy hair?