I Am Jazz

The statistics are staggering.

According to the Youth Suicide Prevention Program, approximately half of transgender youth will have made at least one suicide attempt by their twentieth birthday.

Jazz Jennings, star of TLC’s I Am Jazz.

That’s why it is so heartening to see an honest portrayal of the struggles of transgender youth on, of all places, TLC. TLC has gotten a bad reputation due to its exploitation of children, such as the now-defunct Toddlers and Tiaras, the hot mess that was Here Comes Honey, Boo Boo, and the recent sex abuse scandals involving both the Boo Boo clan and  the Duggar family. TLC has obviously decided to class up their act, and while we cannot really expect The Learning Channel  to actually be, you know, about learning, it’s good that they have finally decided to create a show about a nice, normal, healthy family.

Enter I Am Jazz.

Like Caitlyn Jenner, Jazz Jennings has several advantages. One, her family is incredibly supportive. Mother Jennings is a tireless advocate for her daughter, and is basically a mama grizzly. The Jennings family was involved in a two-year lawsuit against the United States Soccer Federation over the federation’s refusal to allow Jazz to play on a girls’ soccer team.  Jazz’s father, older twin brothers, college-age sister, and adorable grandparents all support Jazz’s transition.

Sister Knows Best

Secondly, the show makes it clear that although Jazz is bullied by certain individuals at school, she has a strong group of female friends who accept her and form the core group of her social life. Thirdly, just by looking at the family home and considering the fact that Jazz has access to excellent health care, I think it is safe to assume that the Jennings family is well-off financially.

Thirdly, although Jazz is suffering through the pains of adolescence, and like any normal 14-year-old is stressing about her looks and her relationships with boys, her awesomely supportive family and her social network are there for her one hundred percent. How many cisgender teens can say that?

That is not even to mention that this girl is drop dead gorgeous.

Genes like this always come in handy.

Jazz has signed a deal to appear in Clean & Clear commercials and has also modeled for the NOH8 campaign.

Having watched both I Am Cait and I Am Jazz, I have a pretty good idea which I prefer, and I prefer I Am Jazz. Although Jazz has been a YouTube celebrity and was featured on talk shows starting at an early age, there is definitely a more authentic quality about I Am Jazz.  I won’t go into Caitlyn Jenner’s obtuse commentary (which I feel she hasn’t taken enough slack for) here but I do think there is less of a circus atmosphere on Jazz. Jazz is a kind and genuine person, and her struggles to be accepted by her peers, her worries about her changing body, and her touching relationship with her family give me the feelz. Anyone who has ever been a teenage girl, or any parent of a teenage girl, can relate to Jazz.

Caitlyn, Imma let you finish, but Jazz Jennings had the best reality show of all time!

I am not closely associated with the transgender community, but here are a couple of personal tips I’ve picked up and that I’d like to share with you:

1. Sometimes people are born into the wrong body. So what? It happens. Anyone who is transgender has the right to take the necessary steps to correct this, be it clothing, cosmetics, or surgery if they can afford it.
2. Anyone who isn’t transgender: Why do you need to have an opinion?

I Am Jazz airs Wednesdays at 10 p.m. on TLC. It is also available on various and sundry streaming services.

It's SUGAR, not crack. Calm yourself.

You've probably noticed I haven't been around a lot lately. My mother has been going through some serious health problems, and I've basically spent the last few months back at home helping her out. But she's starting to feel better which means that I can start to get back to life as usual. So here I am! Back and ready to talk about two of my favorite things: television and baked goods. Ahhhhh, yeeeeeah.

I've been watching a lot of Food Network lately. For the most part, the shows are mindless and filled with food porn. So you know, perfect for me. Your brain doesn't need to work hard while watching, and beyond thoughts like, "my God, how much butter is the Pioneer Woman going to put in this recipe?" or "where does the network find chefs for all these stupid cooking competition shows?" I don't get very engaged in the Food Network programs.

With one exception.

Food Network's Holiday Baking Championship. It is the cooking competition to end all cooking competitions. I'm not sure exactly how it manages it, but the show has hit upon the perfect mix of fun personalities, clever challenges, amazing food, and fair and entertaining judging.

I'll have one of each, please.

I was hooked from the first episode (which you can watch online here): Holiday Cookie Madness. 8 bakers compete in various cookie challenges, including having to make their best cookie recipe using a specific tool (some have to make drop cookies, some rolled cookies, etc.).

All episodes follow the same format; there's a pre-challenge where the bakers compete to win an advantage in the main challenge of the episode. Three judges, including Duff of Ace of Cakes, taste the results, pick a winner, and eliminate one of the bakers. The last baker standing at the end of the six episodes will walk away with a sweet $50,000.

The challenges have included the aforementioned cookies, holiday pies, a yule log (bouche de noel, if you're fancy), holiday cakes, and baking with certain classic holiday flavors like peppermint. In the final episode, which airs this Sunday evening, the bakers will be constructing gingerbread worlds. I repeat: GINGERBREAD. WORLDS.

I was having trouble getting into the holiday spirit this year. Chalk it up to exhaustion, both emotional and physical. But dammit, if the Holiday Baking Championship hasn't turned things around for me and made me excited for Hanukkah and Christmas. And for that alone, I'm thankful.

Also, just seeing all the baked goods is pretty freaking awesome.

 It's log!

Bring It!

I discovered a new show a couple weeks ago--Bring It. Don't confuse it with the movie (and horrible television sequels), Bring It On, because this is NOT about cheerleaders.

This is about the competitive world of competitive hip-hop majorette dancing.

Confession: I did not even know this was a thing. But man, I am getting schooled fast. Because not only is this a thing, it is a BIG thing, especially in the South, where there are competitions going on almost every weekend.

Work. It. 

When I hear "majorette," I think of teen girls lined up and twirling batons alongside a marching band. But trust me, that is NOT what these girls are doing. They take the hip-hop dancing part of the description seriously, and execute routine after routine of high-energy, high-kicking, and hair-flipping awesomeness.

The dance troupe followed in the show, The Dancing Dolls, has girls aged 10 through 17...and sometimes the parents even put in an appearance during the performances. Here's a description of their coach and what they do from the Lifetime website for Bring It!

Coach Dianna Williams (aka "Miss D") and her Dancing Dolls troupe refuse to lose, pushing themselves to the limit each week in the relentless pursuit of victory. Every pump, thrust and high kick on "Bring It!" highlights the triumphs and struggles of intense competition, where errors aren't tolerated, mediocrity isn’t excused and only a win is acceptable.

The show is hella entertaining; and trust me, it isn't gross like Dance Moms. You see the work the girls have to put it in to their routines to win and how they balance their regular lives with their dance commitments. Several of the Moms get highlighted on the show as well, and while they encourage their daughters to dance, they're isn't any nastiness or obvious mental disorders like on similarly-themed reality shows. The Moms are supportive rather than pushing and aren't allowed in the studio during practices. Instead, they hang out outside, watching through the windows, and (hilariously) shooting the shit with one another.

My favorite part? The competitions themselves. Typically, The Dancing Dolls compete in two categories: the creative dance (the entire team performs a routine) and the stand battle, where two teams basically throw down in a dance-off trying to one-up and intimidate each other. It's amazing. Example (with the Dancing Dolls in the red outfits):



It makes my back hurt just watching them. But DAMN it's awesome.

Bring It! airs on Wednesdays at 9:00EST on Lifetime. Full episodes are available on Lifetime's website  or you can find it on your On Demand cable service. The current season is the show's second.

Television! Now Fortified With Morality!

Going back to when I was a kid, there were certain rules in my house regarding television. One rule was “don’t sit too close” on the thought that an expansive view of a screen that took up my entire field of vision would somehow melt my eyes. (In retrospect, given my need for corrective lenses, that one may not be off.) Another rule involved what I wasn’t allowed to watch after 10pm, which for years I assumed was some secret cache of information that would blow the lid of the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the truth about the reality of Batman, but turns out it had more to do with swearing and lower-cut dresses.

But there was always one maxim that overruled all others; one propagated by everyone from my grandmother to my teachers to the slightly scary old neighbor woman who lived next to our house: Too much TV will rot your brain.

Silly television. That's what my smart phone is for.

The notion that watching too much television would permanently warp my development, both moral and intellectual, was taken as a given. It was rooted in a firm discomfort with the notion that this magic box was going to create a legion of unintelligent, immoral deviants that would populate the world and cause things like the decline of the church and the end of wholesome family entertainment about singing families who perform for Nazis. 

It’s into this mindset that panic over the rise of reality television has really taken root in a small echo chamber of the world. (One that is, ironically, increasingly becoming accessible to people who fear that going away from The Way Things Used to Be through another temptation of modernity – the computer.) that panic scaled significant heights with MTV’s reality franchise 16 and Pregnant and the show’s three spinoff series: Teen Mom, Teen Mom 2, and Teen Mom 3. (Note to people who don’t watch this stuff – yes, those are the real titles. I was suspicious too.)

"We're empowered!"

Since 2009, the four shows have followed the stories of teenage high school girls through their pregnancy and first year of motherhood, a formula that has been perfect for MTV because not only does it bring in teen viewers but it also gives moral crusaders something to scream about and those who are secretly or not-so-secretly titillated by sexually active teenage girls things something to drool over. The predictions when these shows began were dire: They would ruin society, they would make pregnancy into something that would be glamorous for teenage girls what with the promise of a TV series dedicated to your pregnancy and the attendant People Magazine cover spreads that went with them, that we’ve done wrong by Our Girls by not making them into proper ladies who knew how to keep their knees together long enough for some boy to agree to marry them first.

But guess what? It hasn’t happened. In fact, turns out the shows have led to a decline in teenage birth rates. Turns out that when teenage girls watch what happens when one of their peers gets pregnant and gets her own TV show, the tendency isn’t to emulate her but to go running to the nearest CVS to stock up on birth control. Seriously – the study in that link above mentions that upon watching the shows, girls show an increase in internet searching and Tweeting about birth control and abortion.

This is, obviously, good news. Aside from the fact that it’s just nice to know that teenage girls are more competent and capable of analysis than we collectively give them credit for, it’s also bodes well for the possibility that I may finally be able to convince my mom to let me watch TV shows late at night for once.

This is Ballet

A few week ago, with little fanfare, the CW launched the second season of its reality series, Breaking Pointe.

For those not in the know, Breaking Pointe follows the lives of several dancers at the Salt Lake City-based ballet company, Ballet West. Not only do we get a glimpse into the personal lives of the dancers, but we also get a behind-the-scenes look at the process of putting on a ballet. From casting to rehearsals to showtime, Breaking Pointe documents the blood, sweat, and tears that make for a successful ballet.

Most of you are probably thinking, "that sounds incredibly boring." And hey, maybe it would be for you. I'm not a ballet expert or anything, but I attend probably once or twice a year--usually the Nutcracker. Which probably makes the snotty ballet fans think I am a total noob. But no matter what you say, every little girl wants to be a ballet dancer when she grows up and so I love Breaking Pointe for providing a peek under the curtain of the professional dance world.

Last summer, the show focused on the relationship problems of Allison and Rex--they were best friends but he wanted more and she wasn't ready to give it to him. When we meet back up with these star-crossed lovers (not really) it turns out they tried dating, but Allison just wasn't over the love of her life whom she had previously dated. Now, Allison is back with her former boy toy and agonizing over whether to give up her dance career to move to Detroit to be with him. He apparently can't move because he still has three years left in his medical residency.

But whatever. I am so over Allison and her drama--just make a decision, girl!

What I find much more interesting is Ballet West's staging of the classic ballet, Cinderella. We get to see the dancers in rehearsals, duking it out for the coveted roles, and basically working their asses off to get the show ready for opening night. For anyone who thinks that ballet is just pretty princesses twirling around in tutus...think again. These bitches (including the guys) push their bodies to the brink every day, and incur multiple injuries. Sometimes it's just a toe nail that falls off--apparently this is an everyday occurrence--but sometimes it can be way more serious, like when soloist Ronnie breaks his foot. One of this year's plots is whether Ronnie's injury will cause the end of his dancing career. You can go from the top to the bottom with only one mistake.

Breaking Pointe has a little something for everyone. If relationship drama is your thing, you can follow the couples on the show (who range from a long-married couple to two young dancers just beginning to date). Or you can watch it for the dancing and the insider look at the workings of a dance company. Think of it as the real life version of Center Stage--minus Peter Gallagher's amazing eyebrows, unfortunately. But these dancers aren't messing around, and they'll do whatever it takes to stay on top.

Breaking Pointe airs Mondays at 9:00pm on the CW.

 But in the end, it's worth the pain.

I'm holding out for a Hero.

This past week, TNT debuted a new reality series about trying to find a true hero. I would think there are better ways to find a hero other than a cable channel reality competition, but hey, what do I know. And if you're anything like me, you now have Bonnie Tyler's "I Need a Hero" or the theme to Greatest American Hero running in your head on a constant loop. You're welcome.

Hello, THIS is an American Hero. Why are we even still talking about this?

The concept of TNT's The Hero is pretty simple, though the execution is anything but. From the website:

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson brings to TNT an epic competition testing the strength, courage, and integrity of a diverse group of nine individuals. Each week, the contestants will be tested, physically, mentally, and morally, as they try to prove that they truly deserve the title of "The Hero" and the life-changing grand prize that goes with it. With temptations around every corner, America watches to see what the contestants are willing to overcome, undergo, and sacrifice on behalf of themselves and others. In the end, it's America's call on who will be "The Hero."

Yes, it's hosted by The Rock. Apparently, an ex-pro wrestler turned adventure movie "actor" is an expert on heroism. Because this is America.

Oh, whatever.

If every episode is going to follow the same format as the premiere, there are three challenges presented to the contestants. First, a team challenge, where they compete together to achieve a common goal and receive a code. Then a smaller team (selected by the larger team) works to overcome a second challenge--to succeed they must overcome a physical test and enter the code in a computer within the time allowed. THEN, the entire group must select one person from the smaller team to compete in a solo challenge. If the individual succeeds in the challenge, $50,000 is added to the overall pot that the winner gets at the end of the show. But the individual challenge winner also has the option to take the money for themselves, and the rest of the contestants will be told he/she didn't succeed in the challenge and be none the wiser.

Yeah, it's kind of complicated, but I was entertained and I like the twist that it's not just physical challenges--there are some ethical challenges involved as well. For the most part, the contestants seem slightly more tolerable than your average reality show competitors--and they are at least physically prepared. There's a fitness instructor, a trauma surgeon, a construction worker, a wrestler (of course)....and an NFL cheerleader (of course again). There are already some personality clashes and douchebaggery, but hey, it's reality tv. You gotta give the people what they want, and in-fighting is part of the deal. Oh, and the way the competitors idolize The Rock is laughable. It's not like he's Tyra Banks, after all.

I'll definitely stick with The Hero for a few more episodes, and it's fun, inoffensive summer viewing. I don't believe for one second that the winner will be a hero or deserving of the title in any manner, but hyperbole is also part of the deal.

The Hero airs Thursday nights at 8pm on TNT. You can watch the entire first episode on their website.

Man, if they had gotten THIS guy to host the show, it would be so much more badass. In other news, who wants to watch this movie with me sometime?

That Damn Jumpy Banana in My Head. Je-ahhh!!!

So, I decided that it was within my naturally charitable (snort) nature to take one for the TV Sluts team and watch the first six episodes of What Would Ryan Lochte Do? 

And it is glorious. 

Ladies. 

Yes, the E! network is reprehensible in many ways. I was recently witness to a clip of Kourtney Kardashian demonstrating a certain carnal act by shoving a carrot through the hole of a doughnut (a chocolate one, no less). Granted, I was watching The Soup of my own volition, so it is not as though I am entirely innocent, but I was not directly supporting Kourtney K. in her campaign to violate cruciferous vegetation and pastry. 

I have to say, however, that What Would Ryan Lochte do is not the worst thing to hit the airwaves in recent years. It doesn't involve tarting up a five-year-old girl, forcing her to prance around on a stage, and screaming at her to gyrate as though she has some combo of rickets and Bell's palsy.  I mean, if anything like that happened on the show, I'm sure Lochte would have done it willingly if you, like, bet him a hamburger or something.

Whether or not you are not a member of Lochte Nation (awaiting official UN recognition), Olympic gold medal swimmer Ryan Lochte appears to most teevee viewers and netizens to be an adorable simpleton, akin to a cocker spaniel who repeatedly pees on the carpet. Personally, he reminds me of my cat Pippin. Pippin is this adorable little gray kitty who greets each and every day with a sense of playfulness and innocent wonder. 

D'awww.

He's also kind of an idiot. Not in a chasing-his-own tail way (he's outgrown that), but in more of a "all objects that are not nailed down are either a food or a toy or both so why don't I put it in my mouth om nom nom sort of way." He runs full-tilt around my apartment as if bitten by a crazy viper, throws himself up walls in pursuit of insects and feels very proud of himself when he kills his stuffed catnip rat.  All of this occurs on a daily basis while my other cat, Salem, looks on disapprovingly, as if Pippin's very existence is an assault on his dignity.

What fresh hell is this?

Enough about my cats.

Obviously, Lochte was granted his own reality show due to some network execs recognizing that Lochte's lack of awareness of his own surroundings, coupled with a chronic inability to form a sentence, equaled television gold. 

The show focuses mostly on Ryan, Ryan's family, his network of friends and the revolving door-esque nature of his romantic life. I have to say that one of the positive points about the show is how close-knit the Lochte family appears to be.

Although they have an Olympic swimmer in the family, the Lochtes seem very normal and, dare I say it, down-to-earth. I especially like Ryan's sisters, whose job it is to guide their hapless bro (BRO!!!!) through the perils, trials and tribulations of modern dating.  One of the things that troubles Ryan's oldest sister is that Ryan likes to take all of his dates to the same sushi restaurant in Gainesville. The Lochte Logic behind this choice being that Ryan knows all girls like sushi. And now that's it's been on TV and is now A Thing, I think any girl who dates him now would be kind of offended if he didn't take them to the sushi restaurant.

What's wrong with sushi? I'm a girl. I like sushi. I'm kind of with Ryan on this. 

If only Ryan's family could have talked him out of swimming with dolphins, it would have saved me some anxiety about his well-being. He got super excited about swimming with dolphins during one episode and I feared for the lad's life, since poor, clueless Ryan Lochte has no idea that dolphins rape people.

Ryan's also unaware, I should mention, of what a douchebag is. Honestly. Bro has no clue. 

During the first episode, Ryan searches for meaning about what a douchebag truly is, and he makes it his philosophical quest (for about five minutes)  to find out why people think he is one. 

Ryan is also on a quest to find his One True Love (for there can only be one). He has been involved in a long-distance relationship with this really adorable English girl named Jaimee, who he'd been seeing off an on for about three or four years. She comes to visit him in one episode, and this is where we learn that she's kind of the Kate Middleton of this relationship. 

katemiddletonforthewin.tumblr.com

He's the famous guy and she's the non-famous girlfriend who is way, way, way too good for him and who also totally knows it, but who likes him anyway. Their relationship is handled tastefully as far as reality show standards go, and they're only shown kissing, even though she's staying at his apartment. So, viewers could actually see their relationship dynamic instead of voyeuristically watching grainy, black-and-white surveillance video of people bumping and grinding in the dark.  This isn't Jersey Shore. Sadly, things didn't work out so well for the long-distance relationship, and Jaimee called it off a few episodes ago. So, Ryan will have to go back to dreaming about hooking up with Carmen Electra and viewing his favorite movie, "What Woman Want" (actual quote) with his awesome sisters.

I will say, in his favor, with regard to his taste in women, he doesn't really like dumb girls. He took this one girl out for sushi and ordered wontons and she asked him what wontons were and he looked at her like she was from Idiotville. So, I don't think he's stupid stupid. Maybe a little dense. Okay. Maybe a lot dense. At least he knows what wontons are. He's probably doing better than most people.

Wontons: little fried pockets of deliciousness.

One of the things that surprised and impressed me about Ryan was his involvement with End Duchenne. Duchenne, as I learned from the show, is a fatal type of muscular dystrophy. Kids who are affected are unable to play sports or do a lot of physical activities, but one of the things they can do is swim. One of Ryan's uncles suffered from Duchenne and passed away, and Ryan is active with the charity takes his mom to D.C.  to meet with kids who have Duchenne, and to lobby Congress for research funding.

The only thing that marred the trip to D.C. were these three super serious D.C. ladies who were in this bar that Ryan took his mama to. One of them approached Ryan and brought him to their table, where they proceeded to talk to him about politics. He has no idea about politics and stated as much. They kept asking him questions about current debates and were unimpressed with his answers. I felt like they brought him to their table to make fun of him or make him look/feel stupid or to prove a point. He was polite enough to leave his mom for a few minutes and go over to their table, so why be so catty, girls? Like, I get he isn't a super genius or a Fulbright scholar, and he did say he doesn't have much time to follow the news due to his training schedule, but he's a pretty decent, rather average guy overall. Fortunately, his cocker spaniel puppy brain didn't appear to realize that these girls were trying to make him look like an idiot. If he did, he didn't let on, but politely excused himself and went back to his date with his mom.

Then he bought his mom a car.

With regard to the phenomenon that is "jeah" or Jeah Nation, Ryan was kind enough to give his mom a tutorial on the correct pronunciation and accent of the word "jeah." Okay, look, people. You're saying it wrong. "It's jeah like jeah, not je-ah." You don't pronounce it the way it's spelled.

Duh.

"If you get a hot dog named after you, you've made it."

If you're curious about what Ryan Lochte would do (or even more curious about what Ryan Lochte wouldn't do), tune in to E! On Demand to watch this season's eight episodes. 

Conservatives Are From CBS, Liberals Are From the BBC

Ah, the final days of August in an election year. We’ve just finished with the Republican National Convention and I’ve avoided writing about it, even though it is a piece of television, largely because I probably won’t be able to write about the Democratic National Convention and I really feel that if we’re going to mock, er…um, talk about one party, we should do the same for the other. As such, our political content here remains relatively low.

Nevertheless, we’re about to head into a time of increased politics on television as we gear up for the election in November. So in honor of the quadrennial event, here’s a potentially probing question as we head into the full election season: Does the kind of television you watch have any relationship to your political identity?  A new article in the Washington Post suggests that perhaps it does.

One of these men influenced the other, but it's not entirely clear which is which.

Some politics on television is obviously not a novel thing. It doesn’t take much more than a cursory look to realize that The West Wing is pretty much written by liberals, for liberals whereas 24 was a neo-conservative’s dream for how the War on Terror should be fought. Likewise, that The Daily Show with John Stewart and The Colbert Report are the two shows that rank the highest amongst the ultra-left viewers shouldn’t come as a galloping shock to anybody. But what’s interesting is the shows that find themselves weirdly stuck in the electoral middle.

A&E’s Storage Wars and BBC’s Top Gear are both reality shows that feature a similar set up and are thus political brothers despite being slightly more preferred by Republicans and Democrats, respectively. Somewhat conversely, American Dad ranks only as “On-The-Fence Liberal” which may come as a surprise to fans of Seth MacFarlane’s other shows which tend to be more straight up left-wing. Also surprising (to me, anyway) was that ESPN’s college football coverage is ranked Ultra-Conservative. Given the right-wing claim that liberals vastly outnumber conservatives in American colleges, you’d think so many of them wouldn’t just stop watching all sports once they got their diplomas.

 "Can you believe amongst all our liberal arts degrees not a one of us thinks that Keynesian economics is a viable solution to modern financial problems? Crazy!"

The reality, I suspect, is that most shows are comfortably in the political center in terms of viewership, for the simple reason that most shows want (and need) to garner as large of an audience as possible in order to stay on the air. None of the shows that are covered in the WaPo article have any particular political bent, so the only information we can really glean is that people tend to watch a lot of mainstream shows on well-established networks.  Candidates may be tempted to mine these data for some kind of insight (President Obama not too long ago remarked that Omar from The Wire was one of his favorite television characters), but to breathe too much into them is obviously going to be folly to pretty much everyone who isn’t a marketing director looking for a big name endorsement.

Dance Moms Are Evil

When I was younger, my parents were supportive of my extracurricular activities... as long as they didn't interfere with school. Sometimes that was frustrating, because I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I often wished that my parents were the dedicated, band booster, forensics coach, dance mom types. 

Dear little Sri - count your freaking blessings.

The most terrifying thing on television.

The Dance Moms on Lifetime make the women on Toddlers and Tiaras look like Carol Brady. They fight like cats in a sack, jockeying for position while trying to seem like they're above such petty concerns. What's worse is they hide behind their children, swearing up one side and down the other, "I'm just doing what's best for my daughter."

The hell did you just say?

It doesn't start or stop with the moms, however. The dance coach of the company, Abby, is a vindictive horror. She never hesitates to set her students against their mothers, each others, and themselves. Once, she told a 10-year old girl who lost first place by one point that what she did was: "Great. But not good enough."

To add another level of wrongness, there is a fierce competition between the two dance companies - Abby Lee and Candy Apple. I took dance when I was a kid, and my dance teachers were kind women who emphasized learning and fun. By contrast, to call the coaches at Abby Lee and Candy Apple "harpies" would be an insult to the winged monster community.

The final twist of the knife is the earnestness and innocence of the dancers themselves. You can tell by the wide-eyed looks on their overly made-up faces that they are but pawns in these women's sickening game. I realize that I'm usually much kinder in my reviews, even to other reality TV shows, but honestly.... these Dance Moms need to be stopped.

Run, girls. RUN!

My Cat From Hell

I am not a cat person.

Let's just establish that right here at the beginning. It's not that I hate them (though I like to joke around that I do), they just aren't the pet for me. I prefer dogs: lovable, goofy, affectionate, jelly-belly dogs. Preferably beagles. So nobody was more surprised than me when I got addicted to a show on Animal Planet called My Cat From Hell.

Jackson Galaxy is a rocker. You can tell because he has weird facial hair and lots of tattoos! Also, he drives a pink car. But he is also a cat behaviorist and with the help of a camera crew and millions of corporate dollars, he travels the country helping train cats and their owners (mostly their owners) to resolve disastrous cat-related situations.

Aww, isn't he adorbs?

Some cats attack one or more of their owners. Others run out of the front door anytime it is opened. Some lie in wait for unsuspecting human victims, or attack other cats and dogs in the house. And then there is the pee--on the floor, on the bed, on the clothes. Pretty much anywhere you can think of it, these cats will pee there. But the point is that they are all acting out, sometimes violently, and the effects are more than just some scratched arms and ruined clothes. People's relationships with each other are impacted by the cat's behavior and when things are starting to fall apart--here comes Jackson to save the day!

What I really liked about the show is that Jackson makes it clear that the cats are not acting a certain way because they are crazy or even ill-treated, it's because the humans usually lack a fundamental understanding of cats' instincts. Cats are made to hunt and kill things. That's basically it. Your average house cat may be "domesticated," but you can't breed out instinct. They want to hunt, to pounce, to mark their territory, and to feel that the home is theirs. And it's when these instincts are not given appropriate outlets that cats...well, turn on you. WITH CLAWS.

 AHHHH! Why, Fluffy, whyyyyy?

Jackson visits a home three times: first to diagnose the problem and suggest ways that the humans can alter their behavior and interaction with the cat. The humans need to change and then the cat will follow is basically the theme. Then Jackson returns a few weeks later to check in on their progress. He will usually make a few more suggestions and assign more "homework," and then come back again a few weeks later to check in one final time. And darn it if the cats don't respond.

At the end of the day, the cats aren't evil* and aren't acting out for no reason, it's because the humans haven't adjusted their behavior to what the cats need. And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as playing with the cat every day with a certain type of toy so they get an outlet for their hunting instinct (prey and play). Sure, some cats are more aggressive than others, but there are tricks like rearranging the furniture or investing in certain products that can help the problem. 

As someone who has had little long-term interaction with cats, I find My Cat From Hell fascinating. And Jackson is a really nice, funny person (and NOT your typical reality over the top character) who genuinely loves cats and their owners. Or as he likes to say "human guardians." Or as the cats like to say, "human servants."



*debatable.

There Goes Honey Boo Boo

My own adventures with travel television watching are well-documented here on the blog, and usually involve one of the many versions of Law and Order. You can't argue that channel options are severely limited while on the road, and here's a guest post from Scienter weighing in on what is clearly the result of some truly desperate times.  

I’ll admit it up front, I’ve never watched an entire episode of Toddlers and Tiaras.  Even watching part of an episode preview makes me think about how Pageant Moms are setting their daughters up for a lifetime of self esteem and body image issues in a desperate attempt to live vicariously through a little girl made up to look like a grown woman.  Maybe I’m being too harsh?  Nah. 

I was on work travel last week and had some time to kill in my hotel room.  After clicking through what felt like 6,000 variations of ESPN, I found Here Comes Honey Boo Boo on TLC.  Remember when TLC stood for The Learning Channel? I didn’t catch the episode from the beginning, nor do I know the back story of Honey Boo Boo.  But this show was like a train wreck that I couldn’t stop watching, even though I could feel my IQ slowly dropping.  This must be satire, I thought.  Maybe these people are actors!

I didn’t catch the whole episode, but I saw enough to get the gist.  Alana (“Honey Boo Boo”) had the misfortune of being born to June, a 32 year old woman who puts her daughter into pageants.  Her sisters are teenagers and one of them is in her third trimester, which is why Honey Boo Boo calls her “the pregnanciest.”  The middle sister seems a bit obsessed with farting.  TLC clearly was trying to portray this family as quite ignorant and unintelligent, and they did a top-notch job.  

 Do rednecks really need subtitles?  Yes, sometimes they do. 

I got the impression that lots of the lines were scripted, especially the things that Honey Boo Boo herself said.  That said, she seems like a sassy, relatively un-messed up child (at least for now). I thought it was cute that her family bought her a pig to cheer her up after losing at a pageant. 

I tried to get through this episode, I really did.  But after seeing a teenage girl ask if farting at the dinner table was acceptable, I called it quits.  Either that line was scripted, she was serious, or she was being sarcastic.  If it was either of the first two, I weep for humanity.