More Sue For You

Hold on to your butts, Glee fans. Our guest-blogger Jason is back with some harsh words for our beloved show...but he also makes a good point. Check out his thoughts on the show in general, and everyone's favorite Cheerleading coach.

It’s probably going to get me shot to admit this, but I kind of can’t handle Glee. I know, I know. Everyone loves it. It’s about hope and joy and sunshine and tiny, tiny puppies. It just never grabbed me, despite its popularity and a clear yearning to be a dark comedy. So I tried to figure out why it is that I’m not a fan, aside from my usual contrarian tendencies.

It certainly has a lot going for it that I like – witty dialogue, smart characters, and it’s not another reality show, which I’m always in favor of. Somehow, though, I just haven’t been able to get into it. To borrow a phrase, there just isn’t a lot of there there. After much soul searching, however, I figured it out – the show has too much emphasis on the singing and not nearly enough Sue Sylvester.

I know I’m not alone in loving the show’s resident Big Fish/Small Pond power-control freak. And while I really don’t care about any of these kids with their jazz hands and hipster-chic show tune-y style pop numbers, I seriously want to see more characters on television like Jane Lynch’s masterful creation.

But the reason Sue Sylvester works so well isn’t because of how well the character is written or the brilliant acting behind it, it’s because she’s wisely used sparingly. Sue is at her most icily brilliant when she gets to let loose a couple of quick zingers dripping with disgust and then saunters off into the hallways to yell at some cheerleaders off-screen.

So how can people like me get more out of Glee than what the show’s creators are clearly able to give? Clearly it’s time for Ms. Lynch to star in a collection of webisodes called The More You Know with Sue Motherfucking Sylvester. Modeled after the public service announcements of the 1980s, those of us who are fans of the biting social commentary of the show but don’t want to have to sit through the music numbers could finally have our due.

Try opening an adult video store in Salt Lake City. That’s hard.

Think about it – any old star can give you unwanted advice in commercial form. It’s all rather drab and overdone to hear yet another Heroes cast member talking about being nice to each other and not sticking foreign objects into our bodies. Now lie to me and tell me that you wouldn’t give real money to listen to Sue Sylvester tell you about the hard-learned life lessons of bullying, anorexia, drug use and national security.

We can’t have an entire show about her, but damn if we can’t get a couple of two-minute manifestos starting with, “you think that’s hard?”

Because that’s how Sue sees it.

Big ups to Monkey Sri for inspiration.