Okay, folks - only two more episodes to go. That circular white room the vamps keep worrying about is getting closer and closer and our plot lines are getting more and more complex. Also, remember this is True Blood - while there's no nudity, some of the images below may be risqué. Perhaps this is not the best blog post to show your kids. Unless they're evil.
TD;DR: New vampire mistress Violet claims ownership of Jason leaving the other lady vamps unsure what to do. Alcide frees Nicole and her mother but before they can return home, Sam is able to sense that Nicole is pregnant with his child and tells her he loves her to keep her nearby. Jessica and Steve both are hot for new brooding vampire James and but to save himself, Steve tells Sarah that some of the vampires know the True Blood is tainted. Ben offers to save the vampires, but only if Sookie will become a vampire herself and marry him for eternity. Sookie eventually agrees, rationalizing that she can't fight destiny forever, however when she and Bill go to fetch Ben from the faerie world, Eric has gotten there first...
Recap: Don’t you hate awkward conversations? Don’t you hate awkward
conversations with people you kinda don’t really like anyway? Don’t you hate
awkward conversations with people you kinda don’t like over the melted bloody
remains of your sibling and sometimes paramour? That’s
the position Bill finds himself in as he watches Eric mourn Nora’s seriously
disgusting death. Eric is less inclined to help Bill with his mission to save
everyone, especially since Bill failed to bring Warlow back in time to save
Nora. Though, really Eric, you’re thinking a little short considering you die
in that vision of Bill’s. Anyway, there’s a lot of cry-yelling, some
levitation, some talking trash about each other’s makers, a little questioning
the divinity of everyone in the room, the usual before Eric flees.
Who hasn't been there after the death of our 300-year-old incestuous sibling/lover?
At the Oh God We’re Still In This Plotline werewolf camp,
the “were-bitches” have had just about enough of Alcide not Nicole and her
mother and opt to challenge Alcide for the position of Pack Master. Alcide
really needs to think more about the women he has sex with; things never go
well with them. Ricki (Nicki? Becki? I can’t recall her name) is betting that
Alcide can beat her in a fight but won’t be able to kill her like Werewolf law
says. I now find myself really hoping that if there is werewolf law, there are
werewolf lawyers who study it. Please VampireJesus, make this a subplot for
season seven. Anyway, she’s kinda right. Alcide successfully defends his
position, but doesn’t kill her.
At VampCamp, the Mistress inmate is toying with Jason and
there’s nothing Willa or Tara can do about it. “That bitch is a dog and he is
her bone and she will fucking fuck us up if we fuck with her bone,” Tara
summarizes it nicely. Jason confesses to the Mistress that the reason he’s in
here is because he was getting sexy with Sarah Newlin and the Mistress devises
a plan. She also tells Jason that he is now “hers”, meaning that she can feed
off him as she likes. Jason’s worried about being passed around, but she tells
him she doesn’t play that way because she’s Catholic. As in, medieval Catholic.
So I guess as long as Jason’s not Jewish or trying to occupy the Holy Land or
something, he’s okay?
Sookie returns to the Faerie land with Ben still restrained.
Damn, sister – screw him and leave him chained to a tombstone. It’s the Bon
Temps way, I suppose. Sookie wants Ben to use his blood to help save her
vampire friends, yes, including Bill, which Ben isn’t exactly tickled about,
even if Sookie is promising that she’ll make his safety a requirement. Ben
agrees only on the condition that Sookie will be his, in the vampire way,
forever. Sookie heads back to the real world to ponder, unaware that Eric has
stumbled upon the gateway between the two dimensions and when he approaches,
Ben is able to feel him. “Eternity?” she mutters as she walks away, oblivious.
“He couldn’t ask me to go to the movies? It’s like men are incapable of just
wanting to date me.”
Sex and the Bayou, starring Sookie Stackhouse
Jessica and James are enjoying their weirdly fully-clothed
afterglow in the Vampire Conference Room (why so modest, True Blood?) and James wants to know what’s the story with her and
Jason. Eric clearly isn’t the only one facing awkward conversations in this episode.
They’re both ready for round two when the lovefest is broken up by two guards.
As Jessica is being escorted, they conveniently encounter Pam coming out of her
Shrink’s office. The Shrink, having abandoned all pretense at professionalism,
is literally zipping up his pants when he asks the guard to take Pam back as
well if he’s already going that way. Jessica is mildly appalled asking Pam how
it was. “Boozy,” Pam admits, “but productive.”
Sam has come back to his restaurant (you know, the one with
his name on it – guess he can’t really fault his waitresses for never making
their shifts anymore) when Alcide finds him. Alcide has brought Nicole and her
mother to Sam, saying his Pack days are done. Nicole and Sam put her mother to
bed with an extra whiskey or two in her and in the process, Sam is able to
smell something about Nicole. Intriguing… (Well, actually boring. But I at
least applaud the writers for trying to do something with this.)
In the common area of VampCamp, True Blood is back on the
menu! Only our heroes know that it’s contaminated, of course. Steve Newlin is
hilariously threatened for his bottle and then tries to hit on James. Steve, I
know prison sex is a huge theme in gay porn, but this is not going to go how
you want it, trust me. James, fool
that he is, warns Steve not to drink the True Blood, thus assuring that this
plotline will be foiled.
While considering the possibility of being Ben’s forever,
Sookie remembers the first time Warlow tried to come into our reality. For
those who never saw, it…wasn’t pleasant. Kind of like a horror movie, actually.
In any case, clearly at odds with the attractive man she’s got tied up in a
faerie dimension to occasionally have sex with.
Lady Vampire strategy session at VampCamp – turns out the Mistress
is named Violet. That’s just because we got rid of two characters in two weeks,
so clearly we need to stock back up. The ladies ask Pam to talk to Violet about
keeping Jason safe, which leads to the first moment this episode that actually
made me laugh out loud – Pam approaches the back wall of the common room which
has chambers like a morgue where bodies are kept. Pam knocks on one of them and
we hear Violet from inside yelling, “Fuck off, I’m eating” while she's noshing on Jason. I
actually really love that in putting together VampCamp, they thought to store vampires
in morgue slots in the wall. Well done, set designers.
Worst. Avon Calling. Ever.
The morning after the miserable murder, Arlene is beating
herself up for being drunk in front of her kids while Lafayette makes her
breakfast and the rest of the Bellfleurs offer their tea and sympathy. It’s
sort of like the Golden Girls, honestly, only less cheesecake and more snipers
and faerie daughters. I would watch a spinoff show about these people and their
wacky madcap adventures is what I’m saying. For their first one, Lafayette
tells Arlene about the life insurance policy. In her grief, Arlene’s thoughts
indicate she blames herself and the faerie girls, which is overheard by Adilyn,
who runs off. Yes, I would definitely watch this spinoff.
Sookie comes to Bill’s house. Bill, who’s just showing off
by going outside in the daylight for the conversation, tells Sookie that his
plan is to bring Ben to the VampCamp and give all the vampires some of his
blood making them immune when the ceiling opens and they get flooded with
sunlight. Why he wouldn’t also just, like, break them out seems unplanned at
best, but whatever. Bill promises to keep Ben alive, if for no other reason
than because they can’t synthesize his blood. Bill is getting short tempered, but
Sookie tells him that Ben will only agree to help if he gets to make Sookie a
vampire bride so maybe we all have shit that we have to think about, okay?
Sarah Newlin arrives at VampCamp in her best I’m-Totally-Not-Covering-For-The-Governor’s-Death-And-Stealing-His-Prestigue
power suit to learn that there’s a hunger strike among a small group of the
vampires, one of which is her ex-husband. Her solution is to put him in a giant
hamster wheel and make him run until he confesses that his new BFF James who he
feels a real connection with told him about the Hep V. In repayment, Sarah
arranges for Steve and James to be brought to VampireThunderdome.
Stand aside, Hillary. Mama's got a political agenda to solidify.
Adilyn deals with the guilt from Arlene (which, btw, she’s
taking pretty well considering that she herself just lost three of her twin
sisters, like, two days ago but no one’s concerned about that with her) by
sneaking off with Holly’s teenage sons who have showed up at her window, Romeos
to her telepathic Juliet, with a purloined bottle of alcohol.
Nicole and her mother are about to leave town when Sam
confesses his undying love for her. Again, I remind you all that in this show’s
continuity, his previous eternal love, Luna, only died, like a week ago. The
argument is interrupted by Sookie, making her first appearance at her place of
work, literally three-fourths of the way through the season. “Did I come at a
bad time?” she asks. Remember folks, she’s supposed to be a telepath. Sookie
tells Sam that she’s considering going FaerieSuperNova if it would make her normal
for a change and she’s telling Sam because she always figured they’d probably
end up together some day. That actually makes more sense that it seems, trust
me, but Sam is right to get pissed that the object of his eternal love (maybe
he has so many because he’s a shifter? Just considering…) is finally coming
around right at the moment that he’s realized that Nicole is pregnant. Hence
the sniffing earlier.
Arlene and the other Bellefleurs are making plans for
Terry’s funeral. The Mortician says he’ll be buried with full military honors,
21 Gun Salute and all. Arlene points out the irony of such a thing for a man
who was shot to death to say nothing of the fact that he knew about his own
death. Arlene doesn’t want to keep the money, but Holly and Andy argue that it
was his last wish. Arlene agrees on the condition that they get the reverend
from the local “black church” to officiate.
Testify!
Sookie visits the graves of her parents and her grandmother
to consider their lies to her in their lives and what that means. She To Be or
Not To Be’s for a few minutes before deciding that it’s a moot point since
literally all three dead Stackhouses keep finding some ghostly way to come
back. “Death is just a fucking pit
stop on a road that keeps on going,” she says, deciding between tears to take
Ben up on his offer and become a vampire, the very thing her parents were going
to kill her to stop he from being rather than spend eternity by their sides in
the ground.
The representative from the True Blood manufacturers arrives
at the VampCamp demanding to see the Gov and wanting to know what’s going on.
Sarah stonewalls her, but offers to make her a deal as fellow “strong women,
forging our way ahead in a male-dominated industry.” The True Blood Rep clearly
never read her Gloria Steinham because she punches Sarah in the stomach and
pushes past her into the lab and realizing that they’re chemically altering the
True Blood. Sarah tries to attack her when she goes to call the FDA, but the
rep runs into VampCamp and sees everything that’s going on.
It’s unclear what the purpose of this experiment was.
Sarah chases the Rep into one of the vampire common rooms,
catching up with her when her high heels get caught in a grate and tackling
her. Sarah beats the rep’s head into the grate, causing her blood to drip down
to the hungry vampires below. Eventually Sarah kills the rep by stabbing the
back of her head with her own high heel. At which point Susan Faludi pretty
much just shut off her TV and went to bed.
"I'll never forget what you've done for me, Manolo Blahnik."
Adilyn and one of the two interchangeable teenage boys are
making out in the graveyard, which for Bon Temps probably is the same as
Lover’s Lane, when Eric interrupts them. Eric glamours the boys into forgetting
they saw him (He also makes them forget they saw Adilyn topless, but he at
least apologizes for “taking that one away from you.”) before chasing Adilyn
down and feeding off her.
At VampCamp, Violet is getting talk from the guards for not
drinking her True Blood rations, but she’s apparently smarter than the average
bloodsucker because she’s starting to realize that our heroes aren’t drinking
any either. Steve and James, meanwhile, are still in the circular white room
when Jessica, Pam, Tara and Willa are brought in. This is looking eerily
similar to the scene that Bill saw in his vision a few episodes back.
Sookie tries to call Jason, only getting his voicemail. She
tells him about Terry, asks if he knows where their grandfather went and
tearfully tells him that she loves him. Then she calls Bill to tell him they
have a deal. Later, Sookie is dressed in her Sunday best as she escorts Bill to
the faerie dimension. When they arrive, however, Ben is unconscious, his throat
ripped open.
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