It is a
truth universally acknowledged that a single family in possession of their
dream home must be pestered by a ghost. Or a demon. Or a vampire. Or a brooding
vampire. Or two brooding vampires taped together to make one super-emo vampire.
Or some other such creature from the Buffyverse.
Seriously.
Someone should have given these two a spin-off. Oh, wait.
I am a slut
for paranormal TV shows, and there has been a significant dearth in decent ones
since shows of the ilk of Ghost
Adventures (which, to my experience, features neither ghosts nor
adventures) started taking to the airwaves. Not that that format doesn't have
its merits, but I'm always perplexed why individuals who are that frightened of
anything that might be a ghost would choose to enter a career as a ghost
hunter.
"We suddenly
came upon some weird guy wandering around and looking for signs of paranormal
activity."
If your
desire for chills and thrills extends further than watching idiots running
around the dark screaming expletives every time they hear a board creak, then I
must direct your attention to Syfy's Paranormal
Witness. I happened upon this show On Demand during a weekend of being so far
in the depths of laziness that I physically could not get off the couch. Then I
found season 1 on Netflix, and I was a happy panda.
The show
follows a basic format of witness interviews, interspersed with actor
portrayals of the narrated events. I don't know how easily you all scare, but
some of the reenactments and stories are legitimately scary. I have been known
to scream out loud and then giggle nervously afterward. Or maybe I'm just a
wimp.
Stop me if you've heard this one: One day, I was playing with a Ouija board and oops. Out popped this demon
Unlike on a lot of shows of this nature, the
production values are pretty high. The special effects and make-up are quite
well done. The cinematography is great at creating that just right creepy mood.
The show has a good balance of being suspenseful and creepy without becoming
over-the-top and corny.
Poor dear. She's still
not over the War of Northern Aggression.
In case you
have already bought your dream home -- or possibly that cute little fixer-upper in the Hudson Valley -- and are already being plagued by a
proverbial clown car of demons and ghosts, I have compiled a list of helpful
household hints.
General
tips:
1. Don't bring a gun to a ghost fight.
2. If you see a demon in your home, call a
Catholic priest. Stat.
3. Do not buy your dream home. Like.
Ever.
4. For that matter, do not buy a house.
Period.
5. Or a classic car.
6. If you hear a noise and go to
investigate, and you do and there is nothing there, TRUST ME,
THERE IS
SOMETHING THERE.
7. When in doubt, move out.
8. It's just going to get worse.
9. If your child has an imaginary friend...
10. Believe.
Paranormal Witness is available on Syfy On Demand. Season 1 is available through Netflix. New episodes air Wednesdays at 9 p.m. on Syfy.
"I'm telling you. If I have to explain this concept to the Hufflepuffs one more time, I am calling my union rep."
No comments:
Post a Comment