Act I! Ben goes outside and, running into Burning Man, smacks him across the face with the shovel. I literally LOL’d at this. Ben accuses him of working with Hayden to run some kind of extortion racket, though since Ben did the burial himself, I’m not sure how that works in his head. Burning Man says threats don’t work and he wishes he could die so that he could haunt Ben too, suggesting he’s maybe more quick than we have been led to believe. Back in the House, the handsome security man from last week shows up to answer the house alarm, granting Vivien another plot point to flirt with. At the beach, Vi and Tate are making out. Violet says she “wants to”, but Tate pulls off, saying he never felt this way about a girl before. But adds he’s not gay and maybe it’s just the meds he’s on. Uh huh. Tate says he used to come to this beach all the time to hate on high school and not have sex with girls. The tender moment is interrupted by the Undead Breakfast Club, a group of teens cut from the very fabric of cliché cloth. The Club has been looking for Tate, but he’s been hiding out at his mom’s house “for years”.
"Don't You Forget About Me" is totally their song.
Back at the house, Vivien tries to take a bath but gets a phone call from Hayden. Vivien tries to be all, “hey, we’ve all had illicit love affairs with married men when we were in grad school but then we get older and things aren’t quite as high up as they used to be, you know?” but Hayden goes right for the jugular saying Viv should ask Ben about Boston and making the words “ask him” appear in the increasingly steamy mirror.
Act II! Vivien wants to call the cops on Hayden but Ben thinks having cop cars in front of the house on Halloween may be a deterrent to prospective buyers. You have to give him credit, he pretty much took the first excuse that came up and ran all the way to the bank with it. Ben finds Hayden in the basement and she tries to come on to him because there’s a contract clause stating someone must hit on Ben in every episode. The seduction fails, leaving Hayden to take serious issue with the fact that Ben built a gazebo over her, which frankly is an understandable complaint. She calls him out on his treatment of women, but before the audience can deliver an “amen”, Burning Man knocks him unconscious with the shovel. Payback, she is a bitch. Outside, gay Spock is back, trashing Vivien’s pumpkins and yelling at her to get out of his house. Unnerved, Vivien calls the security company, but then gets another call from Hayden and it’s coming FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE! Yes, again. Viv goes looking in the kitchen in time to see something blow up in the microwave, likely the family’s little dog that the writers almost forgot about. Gross.
Act III! The Breakfast Club has followed Tate and Violet home. Vi confronts them, but they’ve got some beef with her being all alive when they’re supposed to be in college or something. I’d say it’s all emo, but honestly they’re actually being pretty true to life for teenagers. In the basement, Ben is tied up (not in a sex way for once) but is freed by Lady Macbeth, who clearly doesn’t think much of Ben but warns him to save the baby. Upstairs, the dog is alive (yay!) and Vivien confronts Hayden. The two confess what the other didn’t know –they’re both pregnant by Ben. This news doesn’t go down well for either of them. Ben arrives, coming clean about his affair. After everyone is crying, Handsome Security Guy shows up to “save” the day.
Act IV! Constance is in her kitchen with Violet, having taken her in after Tate led the Breakfast Club on a chase away from the house. Constance followed Addie to the morgue and, sobbing, did Addie’s makeup and hair to make her into the “pretty girl” she wanted to be. And then the bomb drops – Constance is Tate’s mother. Constance demands that Violet not tell Tate about Addie because he “doesn’t react well to certain things.” Tate, meanwhile, has led the Breakfast Club to the beach of no sex where they continue to taunt him. They want to know why he did the things he did, but Tate genuinely doesn’t seem to know what they’re talking about. Through flashes, we see bits of scenes that strongly suggest that Tate went on a school shooting rampage and killed a whole mess of kids, though it’s fuzzy when this all happened; one of the girls says that she would have been in her 30s by now. As the sun starts to rise, the ghosts converge at the house. Moira tells Spock her mother is dead while Spock says his boyfriend was out having sex all night. Dead boyfriend lamely apologizes for this and we get the sense this is going to happen a lot for these two guys. Hayden is driven to the police station by the security guard but vanishes from the car, surprising no one except the guard while Ben silently moves out of the house. The only question now is how long until Vivien totally makes out with the security guy?
Insert your own "Protect and Serve" joke here.