Finally, someone listens to me

I have been saying for years, "get Nathan Fillion back on my tv!" After the (too early) cancellation of Firefly, Nathan has been woefully absent from my television. Sure, he guested on Buffy (as an evil priest *drool*), and showed up on Lost so he could get married and drugged by that dumb ho Kate, but he never was given that big part he so deserves.

But it looks like that's changing. This article reports that Nathan will be appearing in a FOX mid-season television show, Drive, about a race across America. Sounds like a dramatic version of The Amazing Race. But probably with more more murder and sex. Woo! Anyway, anything that brings Nathan back to me on a weekly basis automatically becomes awesome.

Oh, and the producer of the show? Tim Minear, duh.

See, priests can be snarky and cute! Of course, most of them won't rib your entrails out, but whatevs. All hail the return of Nathan!


And one more random Nathan fact. In January his movie, White Noise 2 opens. Sounds like a lame sequel, right? His wife in the movie is played by Starbuck from the new Battlestar Gallactica. Y'all I am so there. I don't care how bad it is. Nerds gotta represent!

When Bad Hair Happens to Good People

TV can be wonderful. It can bring such joy, but it can also bring such pain. Like when tv executives insist on hiding adorable boys behind horrible hair. WTF, tv executives, WTF? Here are some recent notable examples:


J-Pad from Supernatural. Also known as, the flying nun. Seriously. Not only does he never get laid on this show, but his hair has wings. I am pleased to report that in recent weeks his hair has improved, but I am still keeping my eye on him. He rates yellow on the Hair Alert Meter.


Milo on Heroes. My GOD the bangs. I think he has made brushing the emo bangs away from his face an essential part of his acting strategy. Lose the bangs, save the world. A solid orange on the Hair Alert Meter.



Sawyer. Oh, Sawyer. You were so promising. You were all manly and angsty. And then you had to keep being mean to Hurley and made me hate you. Also, your hair is gross. I realize there is no more shampoo since the hatch exploded, but Kate cut it once and she needs to do it again. STAT. Sawyer has been elevated to the red level on Hair Alert Meter.

Supernatural Hilarity

In order to feed my continuing obsession with Jensen Ackles, I bring you Dean Winchester facts. Loosly based on (er, completely ripped off from) the Chuck Norris Facts that have been taking the internets by storm. Also, I did not come up with these, but I'm not sure who did since they have been making the rounds of LJs pretty heavily. If you did come up with it, good on you!

Top Thirty Dean Winchester Facts

1. Guns don't kill demons. Dean Winchester kills demons.

2. There is no hierarchy of demons. Just a list of demons Dean Winchester allows to live. For now.

3. When Dean Winchester was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Dean Winchester received an "A+" for writing only the words "Dean Winchester" and promptly turning in the paper.

4. The chief export of Dean Winchester is SEX.

5. Dean Winchester does not go hunting, because hunting implies the possibility of failure. Dean Winchester goes killing.

6. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Dean Winchester.

7. Dean Winchester does not read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

8. If Dean Winchester is late, time better slow the fuck down.

9. Dean Winchester can slam a revolving door.

10. Dean Winchester's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

No, wait. That's Chuck Norris.

ADDENDUM: Dean Winchester has cured cancer and looked damn good doing it.

11. If a demon can see Dean Winchester, he can see it. If it can't see Dean Winchester it may be only seconds away from death.

12. Dean Winchester has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

13. When Dean Winchester sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Dean Winchester has not had to pay taxes, ever.

14. Dean Winchester owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

He was four.

15. Dean Winchester doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

16. Dean Winchester is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

17. Time and tide wait for no man. Unless that man is Dean Winchester.

18. Dean Winchester sleeps with a night light. Not because Dean Winchester is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Dean Winchester.

19. Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads, "WWDWD?"

20. Crop circles are Dean Winchester's way of telling the world that sometimes, corn needs to lie the fuck down.

21. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Dean Winchester can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.


22. Dean Winchester has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.

23. Dean Winchester actually died ten years ago, but no Grim Reaper can get up the courage to tell him.

24. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Dean Winchester and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

25. Dean Winchester once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

26. Dean Winchester went to the Virgin Islands. They are now called the Islands

27. Dean Winchester is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Dean Winchester.

28. Dean Winchester's hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

29. Dean Winchester always gets blackjack. Even when he's playing poker.

30. Dean Winchester sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled hunting ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Dean shot the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

If you want to see the original Chuck Norris facts, click here. There are 9 pages worth. Damn. I guess males in the 18-34 age group really like Chuck Norris.

save the cheerleader, save the world.

My recap of last week's Heroes is up; read and love.

I have plenty of thoughts to share about last night's ep, too, but i have to collect them into coherent sentences first.

LOVE. This. Show!

Ugly Betty looks good to me

I love how all trade magazines and blogs have clever punny titles for their articles. So there you have my Ugly Betty pun. And you should expect that same high level of quality from all my attempts at humor.

What? I was supposed to write about a tv show? Oh, right. So how bout that Ugly Betty! I really enjoy watching this show, I think Betty (played by the glorious America Ferrera, who was awesome in Real Women Have Curves, and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants) is a very realistic character who is just trying to break into publishing and is forced to work with a bunch of anorexic godless whores. I did find it a little unbelievable in the pilot that Betty would think her clothes (especially the poncho, dear GOD, the poncho) would be acceptable in that environment, but in the past few episodes they have done a great job of showing that she really does get how different she is from everyone around her.

The supporting cast is really delightful, including Betty's family. She and her father have a wonderful realtionship (reminds me of Veronica and Keith) and her make-up selling sister and clearly gay pre-teen nephew make me laugh without resorting to Hispanic and homosexual stereotypes. Also, who knew Vanessa Williams could be so funny?? And here I thought she was just adept at winning beauty pageants and singing cheesy pop songs. (Love breaks your heart, love takes no less than everything, and it fades away, so easily....woooohoooooo!)

I also like how they are developing the relationship between Daniel and Betty to be good friends, with no romatinc subtext. Of course, I think in a few years maybe it would be cool if Daniel were to, you know, develop feelings for her, but that's probably just the fangirl in my talking. My ship always has room for another couple (OMG Harry and Ginny 4EVA!!!). And after having to keep both eyes and ears glued to the tv for shows like Studio 60 and Battlestar Galactica, it's nice to have a great tv show that doesn't require a college degree to follow. I do, however, hope that they quit with the subplot involving Daniel's father being all eeevil regarding the death of the prior editor. I didn't sign on for some conspiracy theory show. Just give me more skinny bitches getting one-upped by the frumpy girl!

...and i feel fine?

I really need to watch some sitcoms. All these apocalypses are wearing me out.

Here's a list of (almost) all the shows i watch regularly:

Heroes
Jericho
Doctor Who
Battlestar Galactica
LOST.

Every single one of 'em? End of the world. At some point i'll post some lengthy, insightful exploration into how the various characters handle their various apocalypses (...apocalypsi?), but for now, for the record, i just wanted to say: do you people wonder why i love my reality shows? For every time the human race is all but extinguished, i need to see Jerry Springer samba or watch Tyra cut a bitch.


...okay, i made that last thing up. But how awesome would that shit be?!

stick to your tongue waggling, Barty Crouch Jr.

So. There's a Tenth Doctor. I am not amused.

Well, that's not entirely fair. As Maggie Cats pointed out to me earlier today, I can be loyal to my beloved Christopher Eccleston and still adore the new Doctor. But so far, i just ... don't. He's a little too unhinged, too dangerous, too ... the issue, or as fine a point i can put on it, is that David Tennant plays him without sufficiently tempering the scary, to me. Which, i suppose, is not only a conscious choice but probably a valid one, given that The Doctor is "so old," and used to be "filled with so much mercy," but ... not so much, these days.

I get that, i do. And he was filled with mercy when he finally, properly said goodbye to his Sarah Jane (what a heartbreaker that was, too). But this Doctor makes me twitchy, in a way that hits a little too close to home for me to relax around him. His turn on Prime Minister Harriet Jones was more than on a dime, it was uncannily, frighteningly easy. I suppose i've been spending too much time on feminist blogs today, but there's an element of scary in there that bothers me in a certain fashion that i can't entirely sign off on. There's unpredictable, and then there's dangerous. I think the Ninth Doctor toed the line on just the other side, whereas the Tenth has crossed it, a little.

Again, i think there's probably some definite thought in that choice; every time he regenerates, the Doctor gets older, lonelier, less merciful. But at some point, the ratio of mercy to scary flips to uncomfortable, and i fear we're getting close with this go-round. And yet, i still get chills and clap like an idiot every time i hear the theme song. I'm not giving up on you, David Tennant, but i'm watching.

Live-blogging the Jericho premiere

8:02: Did Skeet Ulrich always have such big teeth? I remember him in Scream and in As Good As It Gets, and it seriously looks like his teeth are trying to escape from his mouth. I am a bit afraid, to be honest.

8:05: Ok, that big red-haired dude is such a bad actor. And men do not hug like that. This show is totally gay!

8:09: The blonde chick looks familiar...where have I seen her? Is she supposed to be his love interest? Because there is no chemistry there.

8:11: This show blows. I am outta here.

--Maggie Cats

HEROES!!

Okay, y'all, Heroes aired last night. My recap will be up at Fandom Talk by Friday night at the latest; please go and read it! Then post like mad in the forums, because i want my show to be loved by millions. Also i'd like to keep my job :-)

First impressions: Obviously, i adore Super Hiro. Who doesn't? I was surprised at all the interconnections among the characters. I'm on the fence re: Claire; i thought her invincibility scenes were a little egregiously gory, but she's intruiging enough to win me over in the next several episodes. Nikki's power is dangerous, and i wonder if her son has a larger role to play in the development of it. Ali Larter kicked all types of ass, though -- i'd pick her as the strongest actor in the bunch so far.

More later. But: WOOHOO!! Heroes!!

All hail the fall!!

Well, at long last, i have returned to poke my slacker head back in here. Maggie Cats and i have decided upon a new feature at tvsluts: A brief, trenchant commentary about each of the fall premieres, more or less posted after the first episode. This includes, of course, only the shows that we actually watch -- none of that Six Degrees drivel for us! (One JJ Abrams follow-the-bouncing-ball serial is enough, thanks.)

To inaugurate this new feature, feast your television sensibilities on the following commentary—courtesy of Maggie Cats—on the brilliant Aaron Sorkin's newest vehicle: Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.

Aww, Aaron Sorkin, how I have missed you. Your snappy, quick-paced dialogue, your loving characterization, your ability to preach for hours on end about the evils of the world. Welcome back!

I enjoyed the Studio 60 pilot; I found it interesting, well-paced, and mostly set-up for what I am sure will be a fantastic series. I think the problems the pilot had are the problems any pilot has; there is a lot of exposition in the form of characters telling each other things and trying to explain why they would need to tell each other them. But any show that starts out with Judd Hirsch is ok by me! And now he can go back to Numb3rs where he belongs. I figured this show would be entertaining when my mother (who has the attention span of a gnat…no, seriously, an actual gnat, it’s scientifically proven) declared that she had to pause the show to go get her glasses to ensure she wouldn’t miss anything, instead of just wandering off for 10 minutes as she usually does. She also misses like half the dialogue on Sorkin shows and asks me what happened and then I tell her and miss the next 5 minutes of dialogue. You know, come to think of it, perhaps I shouldn’t watch tv with my mom anymore.

The point is, if you liked West Wing, you’ll like Studio 60, although there are some differences. It takes place in more than one building, it has awesome music (woot David Bowie and Queen!), and the atmosphere is more hip and casual. However, it is still comprised mostly of people walking quickly and talking and it has Bradley Whitford and his adorable dimples which automatically makes it worthwhile in my book. So I will definitely be checking out Studio 60 as long as it’s on the air, which hopefully will be as long as Sorkin is around to write it. But one word of warning: railing against the television industry and telling me how your characters are better than that is fine, and it fit with the plot of the show so I am ok with it for the pilot. But it will get tiresome if the show goes that direction every week. I’m keeping my eye on you, Sorkin.

Random comment: Which one is Matt and which one is Danny? Can anybody tell which is which?

Why I Hate Jeffrey

Jeffrey from Project Runway is the worst kind of person. He is deeply insecure, and to compensate for his own insecurity, he focuses on manipulating the insecurities of others. But I am loathe to use the word “manipulate” because that implies Jeffrey has the intelligence to plan and scheme against his fellow designers. In reality, Jeffrey is a spoiled little kid who bullies those he perceives as weaker than him. His behavior during the workroom portions of the challenge made me want to vomit; the way he continued to berate Angela about her mother, his cockiness in the preparation of his garment; just his general demeanor is so immature and babyish. I just kept coming back to what I would do if he had talked to my mother that way and continued to behave in that fashion. I have a feeling I would be kicked off the show for becoming physicaly violent, but if you’re going to get kicked off a reality show, I feel like defending your Mom is one of the classier ways to exit. And it certainly didn’t help matters that Angela is so freakin passive-aggressive that she is incapable of standing up to Jeffrey. I feel that if she had, he would have backed down immediately, because at the end of the day, Jeffrey is a big fat coward.

HATE HIM.

I wish he hadn’t won. Michael’s outfit with the seer sucker pants (LOVE IT) was so awesome. But I kind of see why Jeffrey deserved to win, which just pisses me off more. Dammit.

Muppets. In. SPAAAAACE!

Let me begin my relating how I first discovered Farscape: it was sophomore year of college, and my and best bud Dennis (the gay, trendy, raver Asian) and I were chilling in his room getting drunk on Arbor Mist Strawberry Zinfandel wine. It was about 2 in the morning and we were flipping through the channels. We came across some show with muppets and a really hot guy (i.e. Ben Browder). We looked at each other and said, “Dude. That guy is really hot,” and we watched the show. From then on whenever I found myself drunk at 2 in the morning in front of a television, I looked for Farscape.


This resulted in my viewing Farscape in a very piecemeal fashion. I knew who the characters were, but not really their names. I knew the ship was alive and had a baby ship that turned out to be a trigger happy bastard, and I knew the hot guy and the chick with the incredible black hair had all that UST (unresolved sexual tension) going on. So when I befriended the other sci-fi nut at my office (what’s up, Dorilyn?) and learned that she had all the seasons on DVD, I took advantage of her, er, I mean asked her politely, to lend them to me.

Fast forward one month later, and I have watched the first three seasons and the first couple episodes of the fourth. I really wanted to love this show, since everyone I know who has watched it loves it, and it has, in its fashion, become addictive like crack. But…I don’t love it. I really really like it, and Ben Browder is still totally hott, but I don’t think it’s the best show ever or anything. I think I can’t become obsessed with it because it’s so fucked up. Seriously y’all. Just about one point in every episode makes me sit up on my couch and say “WHAT. THE. FUCK.” And that is kind of surprising, I thought I had become really jaded about tv, but this show is just…trippy.

Now, the best thing about the show. Muppets, duh. Seriously, muppets in space is like the best thing ever. I think my favorite character is Rygel. You can always count on him to do what’s best for him, to fart helium when the going gets rough, and to eat a lot. Oh! Pilot is awesome. I love it when he growls deep in his throat because someone pisses him off, he is so passive aggressive. Except for when he wigs and tries to kill people. I should also mention that I spent a good two years trying to figure out if Pilot was a girl or boy when I first watched the show. But Pilot is very much a dude. Also, I am so happy the John and Aeryn acknowledged their feelings for one another within the first season and didn’t drag it out over 10 years or so like other shows. And this show brings angst like none other.

So if you haven’t picked up Farscape, check it out. It’s awesome! I’m not sure I’ll invest in all the dvds or even do an entire series reviewing, but a lot of episodes are definitely worth watching more than once and there are moments of such hilarity that…it defies explanation. Ben Browder is an amazing actor, I think he’s been overlooked for a really long time. In fact, Farscape is the perfect example of a show that rises above its concept and writing because of the incredible cast.

my first recap is up!!

Y'all, go check it out!! Fandom Talk has posted my recap of Nightmares and Dreamscapes episode two: "Crouch End." Woohoo!! I'm legit, y'all!

Project Runway: I Got Your Pins and Needles Right Here

I love this show. And when I say love, I don’t mean on the Buffy or Robot Chicken scale. I mean, if there was one show I could choose to be a part of (either in front or behind the camera) I think it would be Project Runway. And mostly just because I want to worship at the feet of Tim Gunn (he’s from DC, holla!). Because Tim is a God (with a big G so you know I am serious). Show me a host of a reality show who is more knowledgeable, poised, articulate, and charismatic and I’ll show you…well, nothing, because such a person does not exist. Don’t get me wrong, I love Heidi, I had no idea she was so funny and clever until this show started, but Tim is the man.

And so the third season has begun! Bravo has taken pity on us poor souls, and has aired the third season in the summer instead of making us wait until December or January. Which I think means they must have done this season as soon as Parsons emptied out for the summer, so their post-production turn-around time must be crazy fast. Not that you can tell from the show; the quality of the production is just as good, and I agree with the judges that in terms of raw talent this might be the best group of designers so far.

Here are my picks for the final three: Robert (he of the Barbie designs and West Side Story inspired first challenge dress), Michael (from Hotlanta who wants to break into the fashion-music biz and made the dress from coffee filters), and Keith (he won the first challenge, and I think mentioned he has never designed women’s wear before). Another possible contender is Laura, who made the gorgeous faux fur coat for the first challenge, but her point of view seems very narrow in that she is rooted in super elegant couture. I don’t see her pulling off sportswear or really branching out. But who knows? I wanted Nick to win last season, so what the hell do I know.

Other thoughts: dude, I really think Malan’s accent is fake. And I hope he messes up the accent and someone calls him on it. And then he and Jeffrey can tussle. And Malan can grab Jeffrey’s hoodie and pull the strings so it closes and we NEVER HAVE TO HEAR HIM TALK AGAIN. Or, Vincent will lose his shit (which is bound to happen at any moment) and kill all the designers except Robert who will fight him off with that ugly-ass basket hat that Vincent made and then Robert will win by default. Yay! Speaking of Vincent, did everybody else notice how quickly he backpedaled on that hat in front of the judges? According to Tim’s podcast, Vincent was all about the hat, but when the judges questioned it he was all, “oh, I wasn’t sure about the hat at all.” Liar. You don't pull that shit with Tim Gunn, he will cut you.

And, We're Back!

Last night I was at my Meetup meeting, and Cheryl totally called me out on not updating this blog. I tried to explain to her that I was involved in a silent Cold War with Caroline over who would break and update first. The fact that Caroline was unaware of this battle was unimportant. Looks like I am blinking first, so here is the first of the summer updates! I prefer to think of the summer as a time of rest, mostly because it is so freakin humid in DC that moving even just a little requires a Herculean effort. I have used this downtime to try to catch up with the shows that passed me by in years past and first such show is: Freaks and Geeks.

F&G is one of those shows that has a HUGE cult following. It aired on NBC for less than a season (18 episodes) and seemed to follow a very My So Called Life pattern. It dealt with trials of high school (from the perspective of two fringe groups; the freaks (stoners) and the geeks) and aired to great critical acclaim and crappy ratings. The show centered on a pair of siblings, Lindsey, who was the head of her school’s Math Team until she started hanging out with the freaks Daniel (James Franco from Spiderman), Nick (Jason Segel from How I Met Your Mother) and Kent (er, who was in this show and not much else), and her brother Sam who hung with the geeks. Sam’s posse was made up of Neil, an awesome Jewish kid, and Bill, your typical geek. Although I kinda love Bill the most because he dressed up as Doctor Who for the sci fi convention, complete with giant scarf.

The thing about this show, and I think it’s the thing that makes it the most awesome, is that it alternates between hilarious and utterly painful to watch. Why painful? Some things depicted (being picked last for gym class, public humiliation by the “popular” kids, getting egged on Halloween, etc.) are so true to life that I literally had to close my eyes. I just couldn’t take seeing people go through things that painful, and let’s face it, we all had experiences like that. So it’s one of those “if I wanted to see this I would remember my own high school experience I would look at my yearbook” and “OMG I can’t believe someone had that happen to them too!” type of things. Overall though, the show was hysterical and things like Bill dancing, Nick playing the drums, Ken hooking up with tuba player, and Lindsey getting stoned that one time, are far more common than the “hard to watch” moments.

Now, just a few random thoughts. 1) David Kumholtz is one episode, and I am obsessed with him so it automatically makes this show awesome; 2) Biff from Back to the Future plays the gym teacher, which is just so perfect I cannot even tell you; 3) the relationships between the characters are so realistic that you really understand and “get” them; 4) I never got James Franco before, but now I kinda understand what all the fuss is about.

So break out the Dungeons and Dragons, fire up the bong, and settle in to relive the 80s with F&G.

Favorite F&G quote (from Bill): “This one time I was late to physics, and everyone stared at me.” I cannot even tell you how much being late and having everyone watch me come in and take my seat was like, my biggest high school nightmare.

From Lord Norfolk to Barty Crouch, Jr. Wheee!

Oh, how the tables have turned. How the tides have shifted. A week ago, I was taunting and mocking Caroline for her Doctor Who obsession (which had really become frightening, see her previous blog entry if you don’t believe me), and now here I am frantically scouring You Tube for clips from Season 2. Sigh. Stupid BBC! Always making excellent programming!

Yes, folks, that’s right. I have further entrenched my geek status and have become a Doctor Who fan. I remember my Uncle trying to explain the show to me when I was about 12, and going on about how great it is, but I thought it sounded lame. And remember, I had only seen pictures of the dude in the long scarf, and seriously, who needs a scarf that long? Time Lord my ass, he was just a dude with a long scarf to me.

And then, entre Caroline. The first episode she convinced me to watch did not win me over. There were zombies and Charles Dickens, and did I mention zombies? But I gave it another shot and watched the next to last episode which piqued my interest. And the finale now has me hooked. I cried people. CRIED. It was awesome! The acting was fantastic, the special effects were pretty darn good for television, and the angst level was high. Everything you need for quality television.

Oh, you want to know about the plot? Ok, fine. So the doctor had jumped to the future and discovered that the world was about to be overrun by these bad guys called the Daleks. The Daleks had been fighting the Time Lords for just about forever and had succeeded in killing them all except for the Doctor. But they also succeeded in wiping themselves out. Turns out though, the Dalek emperor survived and over the course of hundreds of years had been using human cells to replicate himself and create a new Dalek army. The army was then going to wipe out humanity because….that’s what bad guys do I guess. Something about them shouting “EXTERMINATE” and not liking people. The Doctor figured out how to rig this thing called a Delta Wave that would wipe out all the Daleks, but would have the nasty side effect of wiping out everyone on Earth too. This was ok by the Doctor though, since he knew humans had colonies and would survive in some form. The Doctor tricked Rose into going into TARDIS (his time machine) and sending her back to her own time so she would be safe.
But Rose was all, “bitch, please” and figured out how to make the TARDIS take her back. Apparently the guts of the TARDIS contain the time vortex and Rose went all First Slayer when she looked into it. She comes back with all this incredible power and wipes out all the Daleks right before they were going to kill the Doctor, who was unable to convince himself to throw the switch and wipe out Earth. Awww! He likes us! But all that vortex power was killing Rose, so the Doctor kisses her (!!!) and sucks up all the energy into himself and puts it back in the TARDIS. And they lived happily ever after.

Except for the part where every cell in the Doctor’s body was dying so he had to regenerate. And the Doctor goes from Lord Norfolk to Barty Crouch, Jr. in about 30 seconds. And Maggie cries. And it was good.


David Tennant is now the tenth actor to play the Doctor, and from what I have seen on You Tube he does an absolutely adorkable job. All I have to do now is wait and see if SciFi decides to air the second season of the show. If they do, we will most likely have to wait a year. Boo!

i'm a recapper!!

So, the biggest TV-related news in my world is that I'M GONNA BE A RECAPPER!!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, check out fandomtalk -- i'll be on an every-three-week rotation on Big Brother to start, but i'm an alternate for pretty much every show they recap, and i've got a shot at a full-time gig in the fall. Fingers crossed for Veronica Mars, y'all.

FT's actually pretty awesome -- they have forums for lots of shows i like, even the ones like VM that they don't actually recap -- and they have book and movie fandoms too, which not many sites i visit can boast (*cough* TWOP *cough*). I've already picked up five or six booklist recommendations, and so far everyone has been really nice.

In sum: READ MY RECAPS. THEY WILL ROCK. GO TO FANDOMTALK NOW. THEY WILL EAT YOUR BRAINS!!

Spelling is a sport...just like cheerleading!

Am I the only person who saw the end of the Spelling Bee last night on ABC? It was...awesome. Yes, that's right. I was literally on the edge of my seat, hand clasped over mouth, in nervousness for the last two spellers.

There I was, finishing up Supernatural (even in reruns Jensen Ackles is the shit), and I thought, "hey! I will click over and check on the spelling bee!" The final two girls were going one after the other, spelling words that seemed to be mostly of German origin, and kicking ass.

Finally, one of them missed a word. But it wasn't over yet! The other had to spell her next word correctly AND spell an additional word. The first word went off without a hitch, and when 13 year old Katharine Close her that she needed to spell the word "ursprache" (meaning parent language), she got a small smile on her face. Clearly, she knew it. And RIGHT THEN I knew she was going to win. As soon as she hit the last letter she stepped back in shock and was immediately presented with the trophy.

This was exciting tv! And, you know, for once it is nice to see Americans celebrating people who are good at an intellectual pursuit and aren't simply trying to choke down buffalo testicles (Fear Factor) or give their best Elvis impression (American Idol).

ladies and gentlemen, your next american idol

separated at birth?

The Wig Stands Alone

So. Alias is over. I have so many fond memories of Alias, I think I spent an entire month of weekends working my way through the first four season’s DVDs. And I love the wigs and the outfits, that was clearly the reason to watch this show. That and David Anders. And Michael Vartan. Rowr!

The thing about Alias is, you have to take it for what it is. The premise is probably the most ridiculous thing ever, what with the fifteenth century inventory/philosopher/prophet who spent his life creating these cryptic puzzles about a super spy Chosen One and inventions that did things like print the word “peace” and create giant floating red balls that if they get you wet you turn into a zombie.

See what I mean?

But it was still awesome. And it was one of the few shows that never really got off the ground ratings wise, but the network respected its audience and its creator enough to give the show a great run and a truly great finale. Plus, ABC worships at the altar of J.J. Abrams. And last night was the last episode ever of the show that made Jennifer Garner a star and made us realize how incredibly awesome an actor Victor Garber is.

The finale covered all the bases. Flashbacks to Sydney’s past? Check. Explosions/near death experiences? Check. Return of old characters such as Sark and NotEvilFrancie? Check. Lean Olin? Check. Wigs? Ummm…not so much, but hey, nobody’s perfect.


And I have to say I am totally content with the way the show ended and where the characters ended up. I knew Jack was going to bite it, but having him take out Sloane and trap him for all eternity in the prison of his own making was perfect. I love that Syd and Vaughn got their happy ending (on the beach no less) and I was pleasantly surprised that Dixon survived, and is apparently now a Deputy Director of the CIA. Yay! Tom died but (yawn) I never really cared about him except to note how cool it was the actor playing him was named Balthazar. And Sark survived! Best part of the finale I think. And although I saw coming that Rambaldi’s endgame was the elixir that would provide ever-lasting life (they’ve pretty much been broadcasting that since the second season, and can we please never use the word “endgame” again?), it was still dramatic to see Sloane come back from the dead like that. And it was enough of a big deal that I would believe Irina would be willing to sacrifice everything for it. At the end of the day, I do believe that she loved Syd and Jack, but not enough to give up her quest for ultimate power for them.

End of Series Quiz

Favorite Episode(s): The Telling; second season finale. Best tv fight ever. In this corner Sydney, in the other corner Evil Francie. Oh and Syd wakes up in Hong Kong like two years later and Vaughn is married. ACK!

Favorite Character(s): Sark yo. I cannot believe David Anders is really American.

Favorite Quote:
Sydney (in Eurotrash disguise): “Don't. Touch. The fur. OK, you may touch it... Once”

Gone Before It’s Time? GOD no. I cannot believe this show hung around as long as it did. And it was always ridiculous. And awesome.

At Least We’ll Always Have…Arista’s DVDs. I’m not shelling out cash for my own.

Hide Your Babies and Your Bead-work! Here are the Upfronts!

The networks have (finally) unveiled their fall line-ups for the 2006-07 season, and I am here with your handy guide on what you should be on the look out for next year.

NBC: Believe it or not, NBC has the show I am most rabidly anticipating. Aaron Sorkin's Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip reunited Sorkin with The West Wing's Bradley Whitford and tosses in Matthew Perry and Amanda Peet for some flavoring. While the pilot episode received a lukewarm reception from the critics in New York, I am betting on Sorkin to deliver the goods. Tina Fey's similar 30 Rock has been getting rave reviews, so I might also give this one a try.

Studio 60 will air Thursday from 9-10, meaning it will compete with Grey's Anatomy, CSI, and Supernatural. If NBC has any brains at all, they will rework the schedule to give this show a real shot at making an audience. 30 Rock will air Wednesdays at 9:30, pitting it against Lost and possibly American Idol.

ABC: The big news at the alphabet network is the move of Grey's Anatomy to Thursdays at 9 when it will compete against CSI. Since I am happy to watch Grey's on DVD (and haven't actually seen an episode of it yet) this doesn't bother me too much. New shows to keep on your radar are Six Degrees (a drama about how all people in the world are connected, from J.J. Abrams, natch), and Betty the Ugly which is kind of like a tv version of The Devil Wears Prada.

Six Degrees will air Thursdays at 10 and Betty will air Fridays at 8, practically guaranteeing that its target audience of girly twenty-somethings will never see it, being out on the town boozing it up. That's just me, you say? Fair enough.

It is worth noting that all the shows ABC has green-lighted this year look somewhat entertaining, and I don't really see a stinker in the bunch. Although the one where Taye Diggs is stuck in a dramatized Groundhog Day-esque set-up doesn't really do anything for me. But how can you not love Taye? He was the original Benny!

CBS: Zzzzzzzzz...oops, sorry! Remember when CBS was the land of Touched by an Angel and Murder, She Wrote, and everyone talked about how it was a network for old people? And then it launched the CSI franchise and got all sexy, but not really, because not much is sexy about women getting raped and chopped up every week. Except Lady Heather, she's totally sexy. Anyway, CBS seems to have returned to its old ways with procedurals and yadda yadda. ALTHOUGH, I will say, that I love Numb3rs, but mostly because its two lead characters are hot Jewish guys. Come on, you knew I was shallow.

I am, however, going to give Jericho a try. CBS described is thusly: a drama about what happens when a nuclear mushroom cloud suddenly appears on the horizon, plunging the residents of a small, peaceful Kansas town into chaos, leaving them completely isolated and wondering if they're the only Americans left alive.

Sounds good to me! Reminds me of this Christopher Pike book I read back in the day. But that one had this weird abortion subplot that was just icky. Jericho will air Wednesdays at 8, which means it will conflict with Top Model, but that is why God invented my cheap-ass VCR. No, I do not have DVR, get over it.

FOX: Yeah, there's pretty much nothing on FOX I want to watch. Maybe things will change come August, but right now, that's a dry well.

The CW: The new network makes the two single most brilliant decisions EVER (by returning Veronica Mars and Supernatural) and then also does perhaps one of the dumbest things EVER (bringing back 7th Heaven and cancelling Everwood). I know there are a bunch of Everwood fans, and although I have never seen it, I have heard really good things about it. And 7th Heaven is just crap.

There does seem to be some possibilities for the new show Runaway which will air Mondays at 9 and will star Donnie Wahlberg. Yes, that Donnie. Woot! Something about being accused of a crime, and going on the lam with his family and angsty teenage son...whatever. Could be good, could suck. Probably the later. But who cares? Because we get Veronica and the Brothers Dean, yay!

So there you have it. Looks like the big race is going to come down to Thursdays at 9. I am constantly at a loss to figure out why networks would put all their heavy hitters on the same night at the same time. I think the likely result is that American Idol and House end up being the most watched shows next year, and Thursday night will just split the audience. Does that mean FOX might become the most watched network? Awww, remember when FOX was just a fledgling and only had shows like The Simpsons, Married with Children, and The Rock? Good times.

What's Next?

Last night’s West Wing series finale has left me in knots. Not because it wasn’t emotional and well-executed (and it was both), but because I couldn’t help but feel…underwhelmed (tm Michael Kors).

I really wanted to love this episode, like, REALLY wanted to be able to rave about it. But I can’t. Which is sad. But first, I’ll talk about the good parts of the episode:

--Jed giving Charlie his copy of the Constitution. Ok, I teared up there. Despite the fact I can’t remember Charlie ever mentioning that he wanted to go to law school, it was poignant and Dule Hill’s reaction is what got me all misty. I am now willing to forgive his participation in “She’s All That.”

--CJ’s last visit to the press room, very sweet.

--Donna seeing her office, which is way bigger than Josh’s. Take THAT Josh!

--Oh, and Donna and Josh being together in bed the morning of the inauguration, I think they will be together a long time.

--Anything having to do with Jed and Abby. The best part of Abby is I can totally picture Rizzo growing up to become Abby Bartlett. You go, Stockard Channing!

See, lots of great stuff happened this episode, including Toby getting pardoned so he won’t have to go to jail and talk to his kids from the other side of a plexiglass divider. But there were things that I thought were bungled, most involving characterization.

--WHERE THE EFF WAS RICHARD SCHIFF?

--NBC makes this huge deal about Rob Lowe being back for two episodes, and he has what, two lines this episode? How about we get a conversation between him and Josh about the future, or heck how about a conversation about the past? Come on, throw us fans a freaking bone here.

--I think Santos and his wife are totally adorable, but it seemed like half the episode was them bantering about their new life. I realize the election was a large part of the past two seasons, but I was more concerned about the characters we have spent the past seven years getting to know. I never though I would say this, but less Jimmy Smits please.

--No Will/Kate resolution. Is she going to Oregon with him? Hello? Bueller?

--Did I mention Toby was not in this episode AT ALL? I appreciate them wrapping up his storyline, but to not put Richard Schiff in this episode was criminal. And unfair to the fans.

Overall, this was a solid post-Sorkin episode of the West Wing. But for the first time since Aaron Sorkin left, I find myself wondering what he would have done differently. I appreciate him appearing for a cameo (he was in the crowd at the inauguration), but come on dude. This show put you on the map. If he had written the finale, I have no doubt it would have been nothing short of brilliant, and so I find myself wondering what might have been.

End of Series Quiz

Favorite Episode(s): Two Cathedrals and Noel

Favorite Character(s): Josh all the way. He’s so cute!

Favorite Quote:
Sam: About a week ago I accidentally slept with a prostitute.
Toby: [pause] Really?
Sam: Yes.
Toby: A prostitute?
Sam: A call girl.
Toby: Accidentally?
Sam: Yes.
Toby: I don't understand. Did you *trip* over something?

Gone Before It’s Time? No. It was time.

At Least We’ll Always Have…: Repeats on Bravo baby!

my newest obsession

Y'all, Doctor Who is freaking awesome. I have watched only about four episodes of the 2005 season, which is currently airing on Friday nights at 9pm on SciFi, and i am entirely hooked. I realize that a lot of my love is due to the fact that Billie Piper and Christopher Eccleston are both gorgeous and have fantastic chemistry onscreen, but even beyond that, the show as a concept is ... intruiging.

I love that the show aired for 25 years in the UK and NEVER got below 3 million viewers for a first-run episode. I love that it went on hiatus for 16 years and returned without dropping the plot arc or the backstory. I love the complexity of the backstory, and i am absolutely fascinated by the makeup of The Doctor's character. Time Lord, can regenerate when near death, but only 12 times, has done so to date 9 of those times ... what happens next to The Doctor? How long will the show continue before he's run out of chances? How many Companions will he find and discard? (Billie Piper, by the way, is an awesome Companion. She's brave and headstrong and foolish and adorable and i have a huge girl crush on Rose. Just so you know.)

My obsession is such that i am currently sitting on my sofa at 1am on a saturday night, in clear view of my bed and with a brand new book on my coffee table, watching old eps on public television. Just so i can get a better sense of the tremendous arc of the show's history. I remember catching it randomly when i was a child, on the rolling rabbit-eared set in my grandma's kitchen. I remember there was a scarf. Apparently a generation of British children were so frightened by the show, and yet so wanted to watch it, that the phrase "behind the sofa" entered the pop-culture lexicon, indicating something you really want to see but are too afraid to watch head-on. (See also Fear, Pillow of.)

***

Jacob (who is my all-time favorite TWoP recapper and whose judgment i trust nearly without question ... except for his inexplicable love of Ryan Seacrest, but that's another post) raised an interesting point in recapping last week's episode, The Empty Boy. He noted that all the good zombie movies for the past twenty years have come out of Britain, linking that fact with both the ep's undead army and the second World War. He also pointed out that the specifically American nightmare is of "strangers in the house," which is a different deep-seated cultural fear. He didn't speculate as to its origin, and i'm not sure i'm up to the task at this time of morning, but regardless, the point stands. My most closely-held and uneradicable fear is of someone invading my apartment, my space, hurting me here. More than any place else, that's what -- and where -- i fear. It's interesting, and i don't know how far back it stretches into the collective unconscious, but i'm fascinated by the idea that it's not just because i'm a silly weak girl but also because i've been programmed to be most afraid of that particular situation.

The Trouble With Lost Is...

Now don’t get my wrong. I enjoy Lost. I watch it every week, but I have to admit, sometimes I find myself fast-forwarding through certain scenes *cough flash-backs cough* because they tend to drag. I realize to some of you Lostphiles this is a betrayal, but let’s face it, the show moves at a glacial pace. We’ve been watching for two years and yet only, what, 50 days have passed on the island?

Certainly Lost has secured itself a position in our cultural lexicon as one of the most original, complicated, and surprising shows in the history of television. I think the pilot episode is probably the most brilliant single episode of television that has ever been. And the deftness at which the writers juggle a cast of characters that now includes about 15 series regulars is nothing short of staggering. HOWEVER…at the beginning of this television season, when Veronica Mars and Lost were scheduled at the same time, I was finally able to put my finger on what bothered me about Lost and has simultaneously kept me from becoming obsessed with it.

With other serial shows (such as Veronica Mars, Buffy, etc.) there is always an end in sight. I don’t mean the eventual end to the series, but the events of a season lead up to a resolution of some kind in the finale. Questions will be answered and the “Big Bad” will be dispatched. Lost has a much more amorphous pattern, and I am sure that is what attracts some people to it. Instead of one over-arching villain, characters are faced with battling themes or their own personal demons. Example: on Buffy, there would be a theme to a season, such as season four’s “oh, grow up!” and the characters would work through it in tandem with conquering the Big Bad (and while I’m on that topic: shut up, The Initiative).

On Lost, however, the only thing sustaining the second season has been the emotional theme. I think it has been clear that his season is about faith and what moves people to place their faith in different things. The best example of this is probably the Jack vs. Locke vs. Ecko triumvirate that has emerged. I think Lost deserved a lot of recognition and praise for breaking the serial mold of television and trying something different. After seven seasons of Buffy, I was the first person to admit the Big Bad formula had become a bit trying. But now, after seeing Lost and its reliance on characterization to sustain momentum, I can say that in my opinion, it doesn’t work enough to hold all my interest.

The best parts of Lost are, for me, the current action on the Island, as the characters struggle to make sense of their surroundings and each other. Who are the Others? What is the point of that dumb button? Will Kate and Jack ever get it on (I’m not aboard the Sawyer train y’all)? Where the HELL is Walt and/or my chiffon? The parts I find infinitely skipable are the questions involving the castaways backstories. Sorry, I don’t really care about Michael and his ex-wife, even if she was in Serenty. I don’t care why Sawyer is such an asshole. And I REALLY don’t care about Kate. When the show backs off from the forward-moving portion of the story, I lose interest.

Now, maybe five years down the road when Lost is over and all questions have been answered, I will slap myself on the forehead and think, “why didn’t I pay more attention to that flashback in the third episode! It had all the answers!” But I doubt it. If Lost’s writers would resolve themselves to answer at least one specific plot thread a season, I would find it a lot more enjoyable and a lot more engaging. For example, if I knew without a doubt that going into this season’s finale I would know what the hell is up with that hatch, I would be much more excited. But since there is no guarantee we will get any answers (despite the producers claiming the opposite, methinks they doth protest too much) I find it difficult to anticipate episodes of Lost as much as I do other shows.

So, what’s my point? My point is that while I enjoy Lost, and count it among my top 5 shows, I’m not able to become actively involved in it’s fandom or mysteries. Perhaps I am someone who needs to see a light at the end of a tunnel or have instant gratification. So while I tape Lost every Wednesday night, I might not get around to watching it until Saturday. And that’s ok. It’s a great show with a great cast (hellooooooo Matthew Fox, rowr!) but it lacks the momentum I need to become fully engaged.

His Name was Cassidy, He Was A Showgirl...

Showgirl, sociopath, they all mean the same thing right? So we have come to the end of an era. The second season of Veronica Mars is offically done. Now we have to wait until May 18 and the CW network upfront to learn the fate of our beloved show. But the second season went out with a bang, pardon the pun.

What do we know? We know Cassidy (aka Beaver) was responsible for the bus crash.

Motive: to silence Peter and Marcos from coming forward with the revelation that the three of them were molested by the Mayor, Steve Buttenberg.

Means: Cassidy's Dad's mechanic, Curly Moran, was a Hollywood stunt coordinator who was in charge of blowing shit up in the movies. Cassidy learned from him, and perfected his craft creating explosions for his friend Hart's at-home movies (the same Hart who recorded Lynn Echols jumping to her death last year).

Outcome: Veronica figures it all out and a rooftop confrontation with Cassidy (where he also blows up the plane carrying Steve Buttenberg) ends with him stepping off the roof to his death. See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!

Why: Umm...because he was fuckin crazy y'all.

The Real Reason Why: Cassidy had been molested by Buttenberg and had been emotionally abused by his father and brother his entire life. Dude had some serious baggage. However, I'm not quite sure why he was so desperate to keep the knowledge of his molestation a secret, I guess he didn't want to face the humiliation? In fact, he was so desperate to keep it a secret that he blew up an entire bus of people. So, I'm gonna go with my original theory of "fuckin crazy."

Best "HOLY CRAP" moment: Panning back from the muzzle of the gun to see it was Clarence Weidman who shot Aaron Echols. So! Awesome!

Second best "HOLY CRAP" moment: Logan smooches. Duh.

But there are some lingering questions. Who was the Sally person Cassidy referred to earlier this season that caused Dick to not punch him? What was in the briefcase Kendall presented to Keith? Will Weevil go to jail for Thumper's murder? Will Lamb ever get the smackdown he so richly deserves? Is Logan going to college (methinks there might be an Echols Hall being built at Hearst next year)?

those top model bitches

I done told y'all that Sarah was going home tonight. For one thing, she's too goddamn skinny. She's also got some funky-ass lips.

Jade, on the other hand, takes some hella good pictures but looks from behind like an albino dwarf. Or maybe Tyra is really a seven-foot-tall alien, like everybody already thinks. Also, elephants are not actually in "the dinosaur family," although i kind of wish they were now.

Poor Danielle. She's a trooper, and i didn't think her photo was nearly as porny as the judges seemed to. I guess one doesn't necessarily want to spread one's legs for Elle Girl?

Should win: Joanie. She's come a long way from the Snaggle.

Will win: Joanie. Jade's got the edge when it comes to taking actual pictures, but her attitude is for shit, she is forever making excuses for herself, and see above re: the dinosaur family. She's one pee-filled diaper away from being Lisa. Danielle is so, so beautiful, but they've made a season out of criticizing her accent (and btw, shut up, judges, accents are sexy). To flip it now and give it to Danielle would be a weird reversal over an issue that's sort of not one.

Finale next week woo!