Saturday, October 26, 2013

If There's One Thing I Know Really Well, It's Elves

So, this is my first blog post using my windows 8.1 platform, and the new software still allows for my snark app, so take THAT Microsoft. Make all of my applications fucking charms, will you? 

I promised all of you all that I would keep you abreast of the most exciting happenings on the Face/Offs. Guys, guys, guys. The Face/Offz actually became really super dramatic on Tuesday night, without the show editors or Fairy Princess of DOOM McKenzie Westmore throwing an added twist into the week's challenge. 

Your challenge this week: A Dick Cheney/Elmer Fudd Hybrid. And make it sing!

Last week, the judges FINALLY eliminated Eddie, who had been failboating in his merry little fail canoe for the entire season. So, that left Sweet Little Laney as the only surviving newbie. Unsurprisingly, as I predicted in my previous Face/Off post, the veterans vs. newbies concept resulted in a great deal of carnage for the newbies, because the veterans are just THAT good. A few of the veterans have been eliminated also, ofs, but after this last episode, only vets remain. The veterans who remain after Tuesday night's non-elimination (more on that later) are Miranda, Roy, Laura and Tate (TATE!!). 

That dude behind me? That's Dorian fuckin' Gray, man. I know, man. I know. Craziness. 

So, I was actually pulling for Laney because she appeared to be the only newbie this season who showed any kind of promise. The new contestants this season were just, I don't know, kinda bad, I guess. I don't know if this is because they were eliminated before they really had a chance to get grounded or if it's because they didn't have that much ability. 'Tis a mystery.  So, it came as kind of a surprise to me when Laney had a complete meltdown and left the show. I really thought she was more together than that, but I guess the pressure became too intense for her. I guess it will be revealed in the super finale spectacularganza why she felt the need to walk off like that. I mean, she was doing pretty well, and she made it into the top five. I don't understand why she would quit after she'd gotten that far. Maybe Glenn is secretly a wizard and was dropping Hinkyjinx Potion into her morning porridge, with nary a Hermione about to offer a speedy countercurse. As I discovered with one of my friends last evening, I can legit write fan fiction about anything, and so I will stop myself now before I continue further in this vein and lose sight of my original purpose.

So, your character is like if you were on Mad Men and you walked into Versailles and it was full of saran wrap.

I have to say, the thing that's gotten me geeked thus far this season are McKenzie Westmore's outfits. Girl, your wardrobe is SICK. 

But back to the challenge!!! I was pleased with the theme of this week's challenge: a Norse Rune Dark Elf. This is one I feel they've had up their sleeve for a while. I guess it's hard for the production team to come up with a different theme for each week, because we can't do robot zombies for every challenge but OMG WE NEED MOAR ROBOT ZOMBIES.

Your challenge: create a robot zombie made of Legos that is in the shape of one of Glenn's tattoos.

Bitch looks fierce, right?


So, here's what went down. 

Laney was bummed about being in the bottom last week, so she was at the point where she was feeling like it just wasn't fun anymore, but she dragged herself along to the first day of the spotlight challenge, where we discover that it's going to be dark elves that are based on Norse mythology. Laura's excited because she's a HUGE GEEK, and Tate is instantly excited that they're mixing ancient runes into their Elven warrior creatures. This is why I ship Laura and Tate HARD, even though Laura's married. But there I go again with the fan fiction. 

In the sculpting phase, Roy makes his first mistake. His rune references psychic ability, so he decides to make his elf have a huge head.

Miranda felt it was "mandatory for an elf to have pointy ears." Direct quote. She second-guessed herself throughout the entire challenge, and ended up having a near-meltdown toward the end. Miranda's elf did not at all turn out like she had planned in her original sketch.

 And this is why we can't have nice things. 

Laney is half-assing it so much that she hasn't even bothered to put on her anime girl make-up, and she soon gives up on her sculpt and heads into the bathroom, crying and saying she's homesick. Tate goes in and tries to cheer her up, but ends up getting booted. Roy finally convinces her to come out of the bathroom and work on her sculpt. It seems like things are getting back to normal, and although she is behind, Laney starts work on her sculpt again.

However, the next morning, the gang comes down for breakfast and Laura finds a note on the table. At first, Laura thinks it's a note from Fairy Princess of DOOM McKenzie throwing another twist into the challenge (YOUR CREATIONS ALL HAVE TO DANCE ALL OF SWAN LAKE WHILE UNDERWATER). Actually, nope. It's a handwritten note from Laney, stating that she's left the competition. Apparently, the crew actually filmed her leaving, but left the note that Laney had left on the table and they didn't bother to tell anyone she was gone until the next morning. Oh, reality television.

Laney's departure leaves everyone bummed, but it makes Miranda stress out even more. Miranda's sure that she's going to be in the bottom because her elf is a hot mess.

The Aztecs called and they want...actually, hold on. Hold on. Okay, they said they do not want this back.

Since Laney left, the contestants assume that there will be another elimination that week. Roy and Miranda end up in the bottom looks. In Roy's defense, his elf doesn't look that bad. The point of the challenge was a dark elf, and I guess I could see there being a dark elf that looks like Roy's elf.

Okay, maybe it kind of looks like a medieval Romulan, but all in all, not a terrible make-up. You know, maybe they do Hamlet on the Romulan home world. You don't know.

The thing though, with Roy and Miranda's looks, is that maybe they would have flown earlier in the season, but Laura and Tate are pulling ahead as the clear contenders for the title. Laura's elf is fucking gorgeous, and Tate's creation is another completely unbelievable look. You all know I'm on Team Laura, but I was behind the judges' decision to give the win to Tate this week. ALTHOUGH LAURA WAS ROBBED. But I'm okay with Tate winning. But she was robbed. 



With Laney's departure, the judges decide to give Roy and Miranda another chance, and neither are eliminated this week. I kind of thought that was BS because you all know how mean I am. I really thought they should have eliminated Miranda this week, and that would have meant the final would be next Tuesday, close to Halloween. And I think we can all agree that that would have been VERY SPOOKY. 

It's obvious to me at this point that the finale should be Tate, Laura and Roy. Miranda's definitely got talent, but she cannot take the pressure. She has flipped out during the last two challenges, and this week, her piece was nowhere near up to her usual standards. I was actually expecting Miranda to decide she couldn't take the pressure anymore and leave. I am pulling for Laura or Tate to win, but Miranda is no slouch, and I think we've all begrudgingly come to expect more from her. Roy is a fan favorite and I like him. I think he's awesome at fabrication and he has huge, creative ideas.  However, I don't think he can match Laura or Tate in the execution department. 

We shall see. 

Face/Off. Tuesdays. 9 p.m. Syfy. 

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