Secret Boyfriend of the Week: Helo edition

Why Helo from Battlestar Galactica, you may ask? Like you need a reason? How about the buff arms. Or his pending connection to the Joss-verse with his appearance in Dollhouse. Also, he's Canadian. Gotta love those Canadians. And his real name is cool: Tahmoh Penikett.

You going to the gun show, Helo?

Badass.

PS: If he ends up being killed at the end of the show, I will be VERY put out. I'm looking at you Ron D. Moore.

Have you seen this dog?

MISSING

Golden Retriever. Answers to the name of "Digby." Loves the smell of freshly baked pie, being scrunched (preferably by a wooden arm), and dancing.

Yeah, that's right, dancing.

Last seen: December 2007.

Distinguishing characteristics: shaved area on bum.


Warning: dog may smell slightly of death.

If you have any information as to Digby's whereabouts, please call (555) EAT-PIES and ask for Ned.

Public Enemy No. 1

No one can deny that Flava Flav (real name William Drayton) is a cultural icon. As a member of Public Enemy, he invented the role of the hype man (aka rap sidekick). His distinctive grill/glasses/giant clock combo make him one of the most recognizable figures in American pop culture. And yet ...

I hate him with every fiber of my being.

He's just a horrible little man.

Some of you may be asking, "why you be hatin', Sri?" I'll tell you why. Drayton is the worst thing to happen to television since that damned Head On commercial. His crimes against TV are legion, but I will attempt to briefly summarize his most atrocious offenses here.

1. The Surreal Life - This show combined all the intelligence of reality TV with all the basic human decency of has-been celebrities. It was kind of funny, but mostly just sad. When you get the call from The Surreal Life, you pretty much know your career is over. Drayton added insult to self-injury by forming the most disgusting couple ever with Brigitte Nielsen (Skeletor's long lost half-sister). At this point, I was actually pretty tolerant of the creepy couple - I was perfectly willing to have them ride off into the proverbial sunset, never to be heard from again.

2. Strange Love - But then, Nielsen and Drayton decided to parlay their disturbing romance into their own reality show gig. Highlights included Drayton yelling at Nielsen for giving their contact information out to his kids - turns out, Drayton is a deadbeat dad. Chuck D, Batman to Flav's Robin, made a public statement denouncing his former boy-wonder's behavior. Said Drayton , "What you see on the show definitely is Flav. It's just that you're seeing certain sides of Flav that Flav didn't want people to see." Funny. We didn't want to see them, either.

3. Flavor of Love - When the two "parted amicably," Flav went lookin' for love in all the wrong places. The three (three!) seasons of this show will go down in history as the most trashy, dehumanizing and perverse human activity ever caught on tape. I actually watched the series finale, in which the twenty-odd women who had been vying for Drayton's attention got the shock of their lives - in the end, he didn't chose any of them! Drayton decided to propose to one of his many baby mamas.

Congrats, you've just traded self-respect for 15 seconds of fame!

What are you going to do now?

4. Under One Roof - The one good thing about Drayton's new show on myNetwork TV is that it certainly will not last long. This is the story of an ex-con who moves in with his well-to-do brother and "turns his life up-side down." Guess which one Drayton plays. The writing is nauseating, the characters are two-dimensional, and the humor is so low-brow that it practically drags its knuckles. I'm not entirely convinced their creative team doesn't consist of four 15 year-old boys sitting around in someone's basement, smoking pot and playing Grand Theft Auto. "Oh, man! The housekeeper should, like, be Asian and stuff! And she never says 'me' or 'I,' cause Asians can't talk right, yo. Dude, dude, dude! Her name can be, like, Su Ho! Get it? Ho?!? Now watch me run over this cop."

Flava Flav, do all of us a favor. Stop yourself right now, and preserve what dignity you and Public Enemy have left. Or if you won't do it for yourself, do it for the children.

First Instinct: Sad, Second Instinct: Happy

Hi, everyone! There has been an appalling lack of updates lately, but that's what happens when you get sent to Boston for a week for work and put in a REALLY nice hotel that charges $10 a day for internet so you leave your laptop at home.

Anyway.

The news broke recently that Russel T. Davis is leaving Doctor Who (he's the head writer and basically the guy who created the newest incarnation of the long-running show).

At first I was all, bummer. But then I saw that replacing him is Steven Moffat. And I thought, HELL YES. He of "The Empty Child," The Doctor Dances," "The Girl in the Fireplace," and "Blink." The man is a genius.

And as much as I love Russell, his tendency to portray a sparkly Jesus Doctor was getting a bit grating and heavy-handed.

From sparkly Jesus Doctor....


....to totally effing scary. Woot!

So bring it, BBC! Just don't tell me if David Tennant is leaving. One, I hate spoilers, and two, I don't think my heart can take it. I still haven't gotten over my Christopher Eccleston abandonment issues.

Go, Fat Girl, Go!

YES!


Tyra has dubbed Whitney America's Next Top Model. Who've thunk it?

I think she might actually have a shot at a career in modeling, since she is historic as the first "plus-size*" winner, and lots of women (who are normal-sized) would probably pay more attention to brands that she models.

*Yeah, like she's plus-sized. *snort*

Summer Lovin'

As May sweeps draw to a close we enter the dog days of summer, with no original television for months on end. And in the wake of the WGA strike, some shows have been MIA since December. This forces us to watch re-runs of our favorite shows, new-to-you episodes of our least favorite shows, or - heaven forfend! - leave the house.

Luckily, the USA network is saving us from this dire fate. Obviously its hit from last summer, Burn Notice, will enjoy a triumphant return to the small screen. USA will also be showing new episodes of Law and Order: Criminal Intent. Which, incidentally, is my favorite L&O franchise.

USA, have you been reading my diary?

Criminal Intent has gone through about half a dozen detectives, but for my money you can't beat the original crime-fighting duo of Eames (Kathryn Erbe) and Goren (Vincent D'Onofrio). Erbe does an excellent job of portraying a pragmatic, street-savvy cop without degenerating into stereotypes that emphasize/de-emphasize her gender. Erbe's actual pregnancy was written into the show - Eames acted as a surrogate for her sister, and was hugely pregnant for several episodes. No hiding behind bulky pant-suits for her*. And D'Onofrio steals every scene, with his mind-fuckery and general creepiness. If you saw this guy coming down the street, you'd cross and start going the other direction. At the same time, he comes off as a truly heroic character and I love him completely.

Erbe and D'Onofrio further proved their awesomeness by appearing in the USA promo for Criminal Intent. I know where I'll be Sundays at 9pm (staring June 8th).



*Gillian, you know I love you. And you know I'll be first in line for a ticket to I Want To Believe.

MSCR: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law

Right from the start, the title just grabs you. You sit there scratching your head, trying to figure out how a D-list superhero from the late sixties transitioned into a career as a defense attorney. As it turns out ... he took a correspondence course.


This show brings back some of the most forgettable characters from the Hanna-Barbera lineup and crams them into the usual Lawyer Show premise. Peter Potamus plays Harvey's annoying coworker, the Super Friends make regular appearances as both plaintiffs and defendants, with the Honorable Judge Mentok the Mind-taker presiding.

Judge Mentok, shown here hypnotizing the jury.

The humor lies in seeing these beloved childhood icons lie, cheat, and finagle their way through a gross parody of our legal system. Watching the show for any amount of time will evoke feelings of surprise, disgust, and titillation. Often concurrently.

This show is perfect for anyone who enjoys classic cartoons and surrealist comedy. Which, I will admit, may include a scant few. But if you are one of these discerning late-night couch potatoes, Harvey Birdman is for you! Check it out during the coveted weeknights-at-1am spot on Cartoon Network.

Linky!

Here are some links to help you soldier through to the end of the week:

I'm a Veronica Mars fan, you're a Veronica Mars fan, but I don't know if I am THIS BIG of a Veronica Mars fan. On the other hand, Michael Muhney is so awesome. And what is $800, really?

Kristin from E! interviews Eric Kripke (a.k.a the Kripkeeper), the creator of Supernatural. Good stuff coming down the pike guys!

USA Today has an article on the new shows on deck for the 2008-2009 television season. Some sound really good (Dollhouse), some sound promising (Fringe), and some sound awful (Beverly Hills 9021vomit).

Finally, vote for the best character on tv! Ben Linus gets my vote all the way. But I do adore Olive Snook....

Is this really necessary?

You can try, but you'll never succeed. The mullet cannot be contained.

Seriously?

"MacGyver" creator Lee David Zlotoff announced at Maker Faire 2008 this weekend that a big budget 'MacGyver' movie is in the planning stages."

Meh.

Best mullet ever!

PS: Even more mullet fun! Best. Mullets. EVER.

Friday Night is alright!

Friday night is typically known as a dead night of television. After all, most of the 18-34 year olds are out partying, and since they are the most sought after demographic, the networks tend to discount Fridays.

But something funny happened on the way to the tv guide. Friday nights became a night of appointment television for me. Well, not really appointment, because I am often not home to watch it, but if you check my DVR recording list, there is a hella lot of shows set to be records on Friday. If I may provide a list:

Moonlight
Numb3rs
Sarah Jane Adventures
Doctor Who
Battlestar Gallactica
What Not to Wear

6 shows, on one night! Yikes. That's more than any other night, even Thursdays. And yeah, they are all dorky shows, but still. BSG is top-notch.

So, rock on Fridays. And thanks for ruining my social life and making me want to stay in and watch tv. Because that's the only reason I wouldn't have anything better to do on a Friday night. I swear. I have friends. Really! Stop looking at me like that.

You spend your Friday however you want.
I will spend mine watching Jason Dohring turn another dude into a vampire.
Just to clarify: he's the one doing the biting.

Secret Boyfriend of the Week: Scott Patterson

After the news broke earlier this week that Aliens in America (one of the funniest, most touching, and let's be honest, real, shows out there) would most likely not be returning for a second season, my heart broke. And not just because I would miss the show. But because it meant not seeing this week's Secret Boyfriend, Scott Patterson, on my tv every Sunday.

Most commonly known for his role as Luke on Gilmore Girls, the scruffy diner-owner with a heart of gold and a thing for Lorelai, Scott Patterson has won over women (and probably a lot of dudes) for his accurate portrayal of the guy next door. Not the typically handsome, clean-cut, football-throwing, tv-land type of guy next door, but the REAL kind of guy next door. The kind who who only owns like three shirts, most likely washes his hair with plain old soap, and tells it like it is.

So, here's to you Scott Patterson. I can't wait to see what project you do next, and I only hope that it brings you into my home at least once a week, every week. That's what she said.