Recapping AHS: The Perfect Storm

Starting in the present, Teresa is hiding in the cell watching Bloody Face carve up poor Leo before he comes for her as well. Bloody Face’s efforts are thwarted by a frustratingly alive (but still arm-less) Leo, who plows into him allowing Teresa to make a run for it. Bloody Face follows, pulling a gun and shooting Teresa in the head and Leo in the chest. At which point we see that there are two Bloody Faces who pull off their masks to reveal a couple of fraternity rejects who are getting a kick out of killing newlyweds who like to boink in abandoned asylums. Or something. The faux Bloody Faces wonder what could have torn off Leo’s arm when they are approached by a third Bloody Face from the shadows coming at them menacingly.

Act I! In the asylum, Sister Eunice reports to Sister Jude that Hurricane Sandy a big nor’easter is about to blow in while at the same time slipping her an old newspaper from 1948 that has an article about a young girl killed in a hit and run. No surprise, it’s the girl that Jude ran over. In his lab, Dr. Arden examines the alien bug he pulled from Kit’s neck. Jude apparently has a stress baking problem, because she heads to the kitchen to knead bread and/or guilt as Dr. Thredson tries to convince her that maybe Skinnerian psychology would be a better approach, or at least a less creepy one, to treating the inmates. Jude is “a beacon of compassion” and to prove it she’s gotten permission to show The Sign of the Cross to distract the inmates while the storm blows in. Thredson wants copies of the possessed boy’s files, saying he must have died of natural causes. Jude is all, yeah, right. 17-year-old with a heart attack. Totally natural. Eunice informs the inmates that they’ll all be together in the dark to watch a movie about the death of Christians and won’t that be fun? (Sidebar, I kind of like the demon’s sense of humor.) Kit and Grace plan to escape during the storm, but Kit is called to Arden’s office who suspects that Kit was planted in the asylum to spy on him by the East Germans, the Jews, the mafia, the Illuminati, the cast of Jersey Shore and every other offensive stereotype. Eunice brings Jude some communion wine, saying someone’s been drinking it before taking a long swig herself. Jude demands to know why Eunice is wearing bright red lipstick. Eunice says it’s “Ravish Me Red” and that Arden told her it was Jude’s favorite color. Demon: 2. Jude: 0. 

It's actually "Berry Sunrise", but hey, demons lie, right?

In her cell, a Mexican woman who recognizes that Eunice is possessed cries and prays as Eunice comes to her, demanding that they pray together. Eunice suddenly stabs her with a pair of scissors, spilling blood everywhere. Eunice throws the Mexican (Seriously, that’s what they call her. No other name.) into the woods to be eaten by the creatures there. Eunice is no longer afraid of them, but that’s possession for you.

Act II! Eunice tells Arden that the creatures are getting hungrier, but Arden says they just have to make it through the winter. It take Eunice/Demon all of two minutes before she starts with the sexy talk, hiking up her skirts and offering herself to Arden in graphic terms on his desk. Arden slaps her and calls her filthy, but is clearly shaken. Eunice just laughs and leaves. In the common room, Lana approaches Thredson and asks him to get a message to Wendy. In the kitchen, Shelly asks Grace if she can join in the escape attempt, saying she wants out so she can go to France where they’re more open about sex. Jude meanwhile confronts Arden about the red lipstick. Arden says he believes that Eunice has been corrupted by the asylum and specifically by Shelly. Jude believes Arden is using the newspaper and the lipstick to drive Jude from her position so he can take over the asylum. Back in her office, the phone rings and it’s the voice of the dead girl who taunts Jude saying she just left her there and didn’t even get out of the car. Jude sobs and notices the dead girl’s shattered glasses somehow on her desk. In her misery, Jude reaches for the bottle of wine that Eunice left earlier, despite saying she’s sworn off all spirits.

Act III! Jude has officially fallen off the wagon, drinking by herself in her office. Add a little Sex and the City and basically this would be a modern liberated woman’s standard Friday night. A very tipsy Jude heads to the common room to introduce the inaugural movie night (“either a beloved tradition or just another bitter disappointment” – I seriously love it when Jude gets existential) as the storm begins. Everyone’s accounted for except the Mexican. Jude then quotes Carousel at them and tries to be inspirational, but it’s like when your crazy drunk aunt tries to be poetic at Christmas dinner and then Jude has a breakdown remembering the girl she ran over, which honestly is also kind of like your crazy drunk aunt. Thredson tells Lana that he went to Wendy’s house, but she wasn’t there though there was blood on the floor and he now suspects that Kit may not be Bloody Face at all. Grace and Kit get out of the common room by saying they have to use the bathroom which is basically every high school kid’s excuse ever. Lana uses a scene of a woman bathing naked to do the same, arguing that the scene is counter-productive to her treatment. Points to Lana this round. Jude prowls the asylum looking for the Mexican when something moves in the dark and an alien suddenly comes out of the shadows. Arden, meanwhile, finds a white statue of the Virgin in the asylum vestibule and decorates it lasciviously with the red lipstick before calling it a whore and smashing it. Lana finds Grace, Kit and Shelly and apologizes to Kit, offering to help them escape. First they have to get past an orderly, which Shelly volunteers to…um…distract. Blowjobs commence. Lana, Kit and Grace make it to the chute and escape outside while the storm rages. Shelly attempts to follow but is discovered by Arden.

Act IV! Lana, Grace and Kit run into the forest before discovering the Mexican’s half-eaten body as well as the things doing the eating. The creatures, which look a lot like the undead, chase them back into the chute. Have to say, I think the asylum is preferable actually. 

WE HAVE ZOMBIES, PEOPLE!!!

In the common room, Eunice is getting particularly into the movie as it approaches the scene where the Christians all get eaten by lions. Heh. Arden throws Shelly into his lab and begins to take off his pants. Shelly sees what he’s packing and starts laughing in spite of herself. Not smart, Shelly. Arden knocks her out. Eunice finds Jude in her room, though she doesn’t remember how she got there. Jude shuts down the film after hearing that inmates have gone missing. The inmates are upset the movie isn’t over, but Jude is all whatever they all die spoilers. Lana, Kit and Grace have made it back to the room, though, so who are the missing inmates? In Arden’s lab, Shelly wakes up strapped to table as Arden tells her that everyone thinks she’s in the woods. Shelly begs him to let her walk out of here, but Arden says that’s not possible and reveals that he has amputated her legs below the knee to keep her from running away. OMGWTF!!!