The Second Review of Chloe King

Guest Blog by Mac Attack

Coming up on a year ago, Maggie Cat wrote this review of "The Nine Lives of Chloe King." Since the whole ten-episode run of the series is now available on Netflix streaming, I thought I might give it another go.

I agree with just about everything Maggie said, so I'm not going to re-hash it, I'm going to expand. First of all, if you are going to watch it, be aware that the special effects are horrendous enough to break you out of your suspension of disbelief. Their main attempt at special effects appears to be "cut away for a moment, cut back to show someone standing on something high up, and then have someone comment loudly how amazing watching her leap up was". The benefit is that it's cheap and simple. The detriment is that it's just cheap.

As Maggie said, they tried hard to make this the new Buffy. As anyone paying attention to the horrible failures of everything this season who tried to be the new Lost can tell you, there are some phenomena that you just can't duplicate. They gave it the old college try. She's got normal high school friends who sometimes help her with supernatural stuff and mystic mentors who occasionally try to help her be a bit normal. There are the training scenes and the tension of being romantically involved with a fellow warrior. And of course the multiple dying thing.

Buffy: Hey, I've died twice.

Chloe: Bitch, please.

In my opinion, that's the problem. The show doesn't try terribly hard to carve out its own identity, it just tries (and fails) to be Buffy again. I'm going to sound horribly elitist when I say this, but I feel Buffy fans, en masse, are justifiably proud of being rather cerebral. Almost no plot twist in the ten episode run of this series really surprised me.

What I did like about Chloe King, which Buffy didn't even start doing until their last season or so, was the backstory. The history of the Mai race, the cultural divides within their people and between them and the other races (including human), I found it fascinating. Even the "we're better than mere humans" Mai don't pretend that they are entirely blameless in starting the war with humanity.

In conclusion, I don't recommend you watch it. The only things I really liked about the show was the potential it had, the seeds it planted that I really believed would come to fruition if it had been given enough time. Instead, they must've known by the last episode that they were going to be cancelled, because I don't think I've ever seen so many main characters die at once.

Spoiler Alert?

There is some very vague talk that a TV movie could be in the works. It's possible this won't be the last review you see of Chloe King…

GCB? FTW!

Guest blog from Mac Attack!
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GCB isn't short for anything, but since ABC apparently isn't allowed anything approaching a racy title, I'll let you know that it's apparently based on a book called Good Christian Bitches. One of the main characters is played by is Kristin Chenoweth.

There's probably other people, too.

Plot? What plot? The two twists this show tries to throw at you can be heard coming around the corner a mile away. Do not expect this show to replace Lost. This show was designed to be a guilty pleasure. Visual gags, situational comedy, coincidence of Shakespearean proportions. But the real drive of the show is the one-liners. Their trademark, as the name might imply, appears to be snarky digs between rich white women. There were a few lines that had me laugh loudly enough I had to stop it and go back.

The entire show is preposterous, and if you're expecting something that makes sense you're out of luck. Characters are overblown, circumstances are ridiculous, the entire thing is a soap opera on nitrous oxide. If you want a tension-filled dramatic plot with complicated villains, mysteries to solve and back story to reveal, keep moving. If you just want to feel superior to a massive dysfunctional group of Texans, pull up a chair, fire up Hulu, and warn your neighbors that they will hear you laughing.

There seems to be some concern among the populace that the show paints Christians in a poor light. Honestly, I think the show somewhat skims over that. It can be a very touchy subject for people in either direction and I'm sure it could be used as a point of contention, but from an objective standpoint Church really is just another set, and Christianity is just another personality quirk like all the others.

Of course she sings, it's Kristin Chenoweth. 

But you have to wait for the end of the first episode. 

SPOILER: Worth it.

Wait, I have to at least mention the plot? Fine. Remember the part of Hope Floats where Sandra Bullock is at the mercy of that girl she was mean to in high school, then she apologizes, they all act like grown-ups and move on? It's that, except instead of five minutes in a movie, it's an entire TV series.

GCB airs Sundays at 10pm on ABC.

Is The Finder a keeper?

There's a midseason replacement on Fox, called The Finder. It's a spin-off of the popular (at least with this reviewer) Bones. It's pilot was actually an episode of Bones late last season, and it survived in mostly its original form until it was picked up in January.

The show isn't bad. I've seen the first three episodes, and there's good stuff there. The main character is "quirky" but actually manages to pull it off without being annoying or trite. Who knows how long it will take until it gets old, but it hasn't yet (and the quirkiness of Temperance Brennan from its parent show has yet to stop amusing me). The mystery and the twists aren't bad. Here, however, are the weaknesses that the show is going to have to overcome.

It's incredibly formulaic. Not quite as bad as House, but bad. Thus far, it's been a little "fairy tale" with its happy endings. And then there's Willa.

Teen angst. Apparently "in" this year.

What I don't get about Willa is that she doesn't seem to be a part of the actual show. Every other character plays some role in the eponymous "finding." Willa tends to wander off and do her own little storyline and occasionally get some advice from the main characters. She's not, in my opinion, particularly likable. Objectively, her life isn't as bad as they treat it like it is, and I simply lack sympathy. She strikes me as the boring genre of tragic heroine whose flaw is that she simply goes with the flow and does what's expected of her and what's easiest so she doesn't have to think or make any decisions. I know far too many people like that in real life, and talking with them makes me want to smack them one. Why would I watch that in a TV show?

A big draw is the love interest, Isabel, a Deputy US Marshal. Refreshingly unpretentious, she and The Finder are already in a relationship of casual sex when the series starts. I could be alone, but I am bored with the traditional "will they/won't they" and I'm grateful for the change-up. She also pulls off that difficult trick of being very powerful without giving up one iota of femininity. Her squeal of glee at getting a beautiful pair of designer shoes increases to a cackle of delight when she discovers that they are knock-offs, and she'll be able to bring in the counterfeiter. There's also something else I like about her, but I'm having trouble putting it into words...

...personality?

In short, I'm gonna keep watching it for a while. It's good, and I definitely recommend watching the Bones pilot and the three episodes that are currently available on hulu.com (just search for The Finder, and the Bones episode will pop up, too). I'm just not holding out a ton of hope that it'll really draw me in.

The Secret Circle

Here's another post from guest blogger Mac (pics by me). Enjoy!

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Time to shamelessly launch the pilot to TV Sluts' spin-off, BOOK SLUTS!

(not really)

This Thursday at 9pm on the CW a new show will air called The Secret Circle. It is based on a trilogy of books of the same name written in 1992 by L. J. Smith. As a bit of a paradigm shift, I'm going to go ahead and review these books leading up to the premier.

Two confessions: One, I only read the first two of these books. And two, this is not going to be a positive review. Also, here there be spoilers (for the books, I don't know how true they will keep the show to the original story).

It's one of those late-80's stories we all were obsessed with when we were normal teenagers in the late-80's. A normal teenager who just doesn't feel like she fits in discovers one day that she has this magical power she gets with no training or sacrifice on her part for free. She is the newest member of an amateur coven with far more power than it is safe for any group of hormonal kids to have. There's the clearly-good leader, the clearly-evil wanna-be leader, and our new girl is somehow the fulcrum upon which everything hinges.

I will confess, I totally prefer a strong lead (male or female). But I can totally appreciate a well-written "weak" lead, someone who doesn't necessarily have the ability to face down the bad guys, someone who will be hurt if he or she even tries standing up. But this girl is just stupid. She literally hands over an artifact of tremendous power to the evil girl, simply because otherwise the evil person will tell everyone that she kissed a guy. And I mean, how embarrassing, right? That's totally enough to weigh against the "people are dying" backdrop of the story. I would never be able to show my face in mystical homeroom again.

Also, every guy in the book is attracted to her, from the distant loner who doesn't care about anyone to the upstanding, trustworthy guy who happens to be already dating someone else, and possibly a few other flagrant stereotypes I've forgotten about. And we're not talking teen-age boy crush. No, every single guy is a potential "The One." The entire thing is like if Buffy was diluted with Twilight and Oprah.

In conclusion, it's been twenty years since these books were written. I have every faith that the fine CW writers have it in them to revamp this bland series beyond recognition. If I had a DVR or no plans Thursday night, you can bet I'd be watching.

Spies Like Us (And We Like Spies)

Burn Notice is a summer series currently in its fifth season. I've so far watched through a good chunk of the third season. The premise is basic (and outlined for you at the start of every episode). Michael Westen used to be a spy for the US Government. However, someone, somehow, made it look like he'd done some very bad things. Spies don't get fired or retired. They get burned. He is dumped in Miami with no money, no credit history, no connections, and no way to leave (this last bit they never really explain well; apparently, the nebulous "they" are willing to let him live, but will kill him if he leaves). He has to get by on little more than the skills and training he received as a spy.

And his sunglasses. Seriously, they deserve billing.

The show's main weakness is the fact that it is incredibly formulaic. Almost without exception, the show starts with Michael coming up with a step in his grand plan towards the goal of this particular season. This plan will be referenced a few times throughout the episode. At the end of the episode, he takes the step forward in his plan. Meantime, he will someone stumble across a "Client". This is typically a normal, law-abiding citizen who has somehow attracted the displeasure of some crime syndicate or other. It will usually seem to be very minor at the start, and rapidly develop into a much larger problem than it first appeared. At the end, Michael saves the day.

Personally, I really like the formula, which is why I keep watching. But I cannot in good conscience recommend this show to anyone, because if that one method of doing things isn't something you'll want to watch over and over again, you will rapidly get bored. There are many cosmetic changes. Each season's over-arching plot is usually somewhat riveting. Sometimes he connects with the Client himself, and sometimes it's a favor he does for one of his teammates, either the paper-manipulating former Navy Seal Sam, or the Picasso-with-explosives Irish terrorist girlfriend Fiona, or his chain-smoking passive-aggressive hypochondriac mother. Bad guys will recur, sometimes an asset on one job will come back later and be a client. It tends to the fairy-tale ending side of things, but it gets fairly dark.

This woman spawns spies. And emphysema.

The selling point, to me, is the tricky mechanical stuff they do. Anyone besides the few main characters will get a super when they are introduced each episode, and they're good at making these funny. They will split the screen to show Michael trying to pick the lock and escape unnoticed while the bad guy walks down the corridor towards him. They have some of the most effective use of voice-over I've ever seen.

In short, it's worth watching a few episodes. You might find yourself hooked, and watch it for a while. Just don't expect it to ever change.

Guest Blogger Mac Tackles Teen Wolf

I've been waiting for an extraordinary paranormal show since Buffy ended. I got my hopes up for The Gates, for the American version of Being Human, and every time my expectations were dashed. Well, sign me up for one more potential heartbreak, because Teen Wolf looks like it's got the potential to be pretty awesome.

So far, they've shown the one-hour pilot followed the next day by the first 'real' episode. They pleasantly defied my expectations. The pilot did what it had to; at the risk of damning it with faint praise, it performed its necessary and dull task of defining most of the show's parameters adequately. Many main characters were introduced and their relationships were established. They revealed the, for some reason, freezing cold and constantly raining California town of Beacon Hills. And the paraphysics were lightly touched upon (in short, what powers he gets for being a werewolf). It's all done with a laudable degree of organic-ness, and a spoonful-of-sugar's worth of comic relief.

Speaking of, let me introduce you to, in my opinion, the real star of this show: Dylan O'Brien. This guy's acting is what's going to keep me coming back week after week.

Seen here, perfecting his Barack Obama "Staring hopefully into the future" pose.

He plays Stiles, the best friend, son-of-the-sheriff, comic relief and exposition rolled into one. Currently possessed of no supernatural gifts, he nevertheless balances energetic comedy, palatable plot-progression, and in the first two episodes alone, quite a few touching friendly "sidekick" moments. Think Xander and Willow at once. Actually, don't think that. I did, and now it's all I can think about...

Anyway. The show tries to star Tyler Posey as the eponymous Teen Wolf. Shirtless in every preview. I assumed his acting would be wooden, as he clearly exists to be eye-candy. What actually happened… was interesting. As it turns out, I wasn't entirely wrong. He plays the "straight man" for a great deal of the comedy of the show, and he's a natural. Someone wrote him a great many scenes where the appropriate reaction was "confusion" or "blank incomprehension". This person deserves an Emmy. Or possibly a Nobel. Don't get me wrong, Posey has a few scenes where he has to actually act, and he manages to get through them without being hammy (especially the scenes where he's adorably in love). It's just that the producers know what he's good at, and they know how to get it out of him.

Ladies and one-in-ten guys? Is it working?

In conclusion, though I've focused on the characters, the show really has a lot to offer. There are already several mysteries for the main characters to solve, from figuring out the specifics of "being a werewolf" to a good old-fashioned whodunit, as well as many intriguing clues. I can't wait for the next episode to see if any of my guesses are correct.

The show airs on MTV on Mondays at 10pm EST