You can call me Melinda. Lady Heather, if you're nasty.

This Secret Girlfriend of the Week is a no-brainer. In fact, I'm a little embarrassed that it's taken this long to address the wonderfulness of Melinda Clarke.

She's probably best known as the Dominatrix with a heart of gold, Lady Heather, on CSI. But you might also recognize her as a hooker with a heart of gold from Firefly, or the torturer with a heart of gold (not really) on the CW show, Nikita. If you want to check out her IMDB page, you'll see that she's been a staple on prime time dramas and was in quite a few movies in the 1990s. But whatever. She's just stone cold AWESOME.

Gorgeous? Check. Smart? Check. Can make you poo your pants in fear with one look? Double check.

Also according to IMDB, she is a trained soprano and likes cigars. So clearly she is cultured. Also? She played an Amazon on Xena: Warrior Princess, to which I can only say: Best. Casting. Ever.

A little while ago, Entertainment Weekly broke the news that Ms. Clarke would be returning to CSI as Lady Heather. Just knowing that is enough to get me to watch the show again; I always thought the episodes with Lady Heather were the best and most titillating (hee, I said tit). Maybe Grissom will come back for another cameo? Probably not, but hey, a girl can dream.

Do not piss her off, yo.