Strike Watch, Episode I

No, I'm not going to provide updates on the progress of the Writer's Guild of America strike. If you want to get more information, may I suggest this link ? While we wait for greedy execs to give writers their fair share of DVD proceeds, or for whiny keyboard monkeys to get the hell back to work (depending on your point of view), I thought I'd suggest some shows to add to your Netflix queue, for when our prime time favorites go into reruns. In other words, what to watch during the strike - Strike Watch, get it? Oh, never mind.

Today I've chosen to squee about Burn Notice. An attractive yet emotionally stunted protagonist? Check. Feisty love interest? Check. Goofy sidekick? Check. Fast-paced adventure with just the right combination of espionage and explosions? Double check. Basically, this show hits all my buttons. If only there were a zany, chain-smoking mother in the mix, it would be perfect.


Burn Notice, have you been reading my diary?

Revisiting my summer fling with this quirky spy drama from the USA network will be just the thing to get me through the winter of TV writer's discontent. The cast includes some of my favorite faces - Jeffrey Donovan (aka Kyle from The Pretender), Seth Peterson (aka Robbie from Providence), and Bruce Campbell (aka the most famous chin in Hollywood). The setting of sunny Miami is perfect for the vivid cinematography (read: bright colors!) that make me love this network. But don't let it's shiny packaging fool you - at the heart of this show is Michael's innate sense of the human character. He isn't a spy because he can smile toothily, shoot a gun or build a bomb out of detergent, soda cans and duct tape. He's a spy because he can get in your head and mess you up.

The duct tape stuff is pretty cool, too. Michael's running commentary to explain his tricks makes the spy trade seem both easy and fun. Yes, I realize that I could not become an international woman of mystery using only products found in my local hardware store. But Burn Notice makes me think I can, and that's the real measure of any television show - how much the audience buys into the fantasy. Also, the extras available on the show's website are great fun.

In the not too distant future...

Oh, my HOLY GOD you guys.

Picture this: Maggie Cats, a young girl of 11 or 12. Her big brother, who has influenced her tv watching in the past, most notably with Star Trek: The Next Generation, comes home and says, "this guy at school told me about this show on some cable channel called Mystery Science or something." Sometime in the next couple months, young Maggie and her brother are flipping through channels early one morning (and I mean EARLY), and find some old movie with three dark silhouettes of people on top of it on the new (to them) cable channel, Comedy Central. We had found Mystery Science Theatre 3000 (MST3K), and the world would never be the same.

If you have seen this show you love it and you know exactly what I mean when I say it's genius. If you have never heard of it, you are thinking to yourself, "what the hell is she talking about?" To briefly summarize:

In the not-too-distant future-
Next Sunday A.D.-
There was a guy named Joel,
Not too different from you or me.
He worked at Gizmonic Institute,
Just another face in a red jumpsuit.
He did a good job cleaning up the place,
But his bosses didn't like him
So they shot him into space.

We'll send him cheesy movies,
The worst we can find.
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And we'll monitor his mind.
Now keep in mind Joel can't control
Where the movies begin or end
Because he used those special parts
To make his robot friends.

Robot Roll Call:
Cambot!
Gypsy!
Tom Servo!
Croooow!

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
and other science facts (la la la),
Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a show,
I should really just relax
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!"

So basically Joel, and later Mike, and their robot friends watch terrible movies and crack wise about them. And it is THE FUNNIEST SHOW OF ALL TIME.

And according to the link above, they are coming back! WITH JOEL! AND THE ORIGINAL ROBOTS! AND I HAVE TO WRITE IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I AM SO EXCITED.

Ahem.

But seriously, this show was completely formative for my snarkiness and this news is so exciting. And Tom Servo's little slinky arms are just so freakin cute. So if you haven't seen the show go rent MST3K: The Movie, and you'll understand what I am talking about. So! Exciting!

"Mea Culpa," he wrote.

To piggyback off of Selvi's very excellent analysis of Season 2 of Heroes (in that it has basically has blown so far), here is an Entertainment Weekly interview with Tim Kring where he owns up to dropping the ball. He points out many of the things that fans have complained of: the glacial pace, the inability to organically introduce new characters, the rehash of the OMG I HAVE SUPER POWERS!!!! theme from Season 1...anyway, check it out.

This one is going to be controversial...

Secret Boyfriend of the Week

Ok, so usually I pick some virile young thing to be the SBotW. But we here at tvsluts are 1) lovers of tv and 2) sluts, which means we do not discriminate based on age, color, creed, religion, or heck, gender (secret girlfriend of the week, y'all?). Anyhoo, this week's secret boyfriend is none other than Jim Beaver, a.k.a. Bobby from Supernatural.


He wears a trucker hat like nobody else (suck it, Ashton), and he will not hesitate to bitch-slap Dean or Sam should the need arise. As it often does. Because while they are pretty, they are often really really dumb. So Bobby has become something of a surrogate father to the brothers and also occasionally fulfills the Giles role of Captain Exposition.

So Bobby basically kicks all kind of ass. And I have been making my way through Deadwood, and Jim Beaver as Ellsworth is just so cool I can't even tell you. Watch for a blog post in the future about Deadwood, but just know that he has delivered a performance that will break your heart, build it back up, and break it all over again.

Also, I just think he's cute. So shoot me.

Is it moral ambiguity or an epidemic of dissociative identity disorder? You be the judge.

A/N: This post contains spoilers for seasons one and two of Heroes.

Part of the charm of Tim Kring's science fiction cum prime time television series is a certain level of WTF'ery. There are moments in Heroes that just make you sit up and say, "what the f*ck just happened here?!?" From the revelation that HRG is actually Claire's father to Niki injecting herself full of the power-stealing virus, these super freaks always keep us guessing. And that's how it should be – the twists are the reason I tune in every week.

This season, however, has become almost hopelessly convoluted. Don't mistake me – I love every minute of it. It just becomes difficult to keep track of a character's motivations when the lines of good/ evil/ up/ down/ black/ white/ mayonnaise/ mustard are continually blurred. For example …

1. At first, Claire seemed to take the whole In Hiding From Big Bad Company thing seriously. She kept her head down, sacrificing her raison d'être (cheer leading) for the sake of her family. Then she meets a boy! Claire's body is changing, and she starts to feel new … urges. Oh wait, wrong show. Anyway, with West by her side she's not only willing to exercise her abilities; she uses them to exact petty revenge on her school rival. I can understand that her powers are a part of who she is, and it's not in her to ever be 'ordinary' again. But come on, all for the sake of some guy – especially a whiny douche like West? Poor form, Claire. Poor form.
   
   
   "I love you like most people love their sense of self-preservation."
   

2. Mohinder, for some reason, decided to team up with Mr. Bennet to take down The Company. As soon as Molly gets sick, however, he runs right to them. "I didn't know where else to take her." How about anywhere but into the bad guy's lair?!? Who's your baby-sitter – Angela Petrelli? And then, in a truly shocking turn of events, he dobs Mr. Bennet in to Bob, perhaps in order to feel less "morally gray." *sigh* I love you, 'Hinder, but when you talk it kind of ruins things for me.
   
   
   So pretty. So dumb.
   

3. They said 'amnesia,' Peter, not 'brain transplant.' First he agreed to commit crimes for the sake of his Identity Inna Box. Then he decides not to open said box, in favor of sucking face with some random Irish chick (hello, Stockholm syndrome much?). All of a sudden she's his One True Love, and they fly into the future together. Actually, I mostly feel sorry for Caitlin. You meet a cute shirtless guy, you clean some blood off of him, and you think he might be The One. Then BAM! He manifests all these bizarre powers and leaves you stranded in a dystopic future, probably to die of some horrible flesh-eating virus. On the other hand, she should have known better than to follow some stranger/emo kid halfway across the world.
   
   
   "Eh. It was this, or tend bar fer tha rest o' me life."
   

4. The Wonder Twins looked like nice kids, and I could really relate to Maya's inability to stop killing people. Stay strong, sister! Enter Sylar and, by some sort of Evil Osmosis, Maya starts making some rather questionable decisions. She goes from sobbing about killing a couple gross smugglers who were about to molest her (and, granted, a truckful of fellow illegals-to-be) to slaying an entire border patrol without looking back. Yet, given the extreme stress of her situation (and, Maggie would want me to mention, Sylar's extreme hotness) I'm willing to let this one slide. For now. Keep an eye on her, Alejandro – Maya's on notice.
   
   
   This one's for you, Maggie Cats.
   

Of course, some of the characters this season are both conflicted and beautifully consistent. Take Hiro (but you bring him right back!) – he knows he should not fall in love with the sword smith's daughter, that he should return to the future and let the past alone. But he does fall for her, and he stays in the past, and he completely screws over the entire world by unleashing the Wrath of Sark Kensei Adam upon us all. You could argue that he couldn't have known the ultimate outcome of his actions, but he knew what he was doing was wrong. Seeing as it's Hiro, I'm going to give him a pass. Accidental evil committed in the name of love? Oh, go on then.

Who could stay mad at this face?

Really, I'm not going to hold any of this against them – I'm fully prepared to accept and enjoy all the WTF'ery. Because I love these characters. Because this show is awesome. And because morally gray is the new black.

I feel compelled to mention, THE END IS NEAR!

TV Writers On Strike

No resolution was reached by the deadline, so it looks like the Writer's Guild of America strike is a go. Okay, so this won't really affect me for a couple of weeks, as I'm not a fan of either Daytime (um, hello, work?) or Late Night (um, hello, sleep?) television.

On the other hand - The Daily Show, y'all. The Colbert Report. Now where am I going to get my news and opinions? CNN and rational thought? No, thank you.

Of course, as a writer myself, I can't help but wonder if this is all an elaborate scheme to get more free time for NaNoWriMo.

Just kidding, TV writers! I take back every disparaging remark, every sarcastic blog entry, every eye roll! Please don't leave me.

Secret Boyfriend(s) of the Week

Justin Tolchuck and Raja Musharaff, from Aliens in America. And no, it's not weird that I chose two high school characters as our SBs this week - Dan Byrd is 22, and Adhir Kalyan is 23. Besides, when guys are this freakin' adorkable, age ain't nothin' but a number.


Is it just me, or do these two look insanely huggable?

After six seasons of Scrubs, you'd think I'd have had my fill of neurotic narrators who combine entirely egocentric world views with often depressing lacks of self-esteem. Apparently not. And while John Dorian's rambling voiceovers eventually become preachy and overdone, Justin's interjections are both quirky and poignant, without being heavy-handed. Of course the series is still young and, due to it's content and setting (race relations and Smalltown USA, respectively), it runs the risk of descending into after-school special territory.


A Very Special Episode? Oh, dear God, no.

The acting is so good, though. Everyone in this series is a parody (the overbearing mother, the vapid teenage daughter, the well-meaning but ultimately feckless father) and yet each character comes across as authentic, and likeable. That's more than chemistry. That's alchemy. I have a feeling that these boys could taken the most leaden of plots and make it into television gold.

And Raja! Oh, I could write odes about this guy. Sonnets! Epic poems of adulation and joy! *ahem* I'll restrain myself to saying, I dig this kid. Religious people are often depicted at best as kooks and at worst, zealots. But Raja has a quiet dignity that, to me, speaks of the inner peace that true faith brings. And at the same time, he isn't so holier-than-thou that he won't play Dishsoap-dispenser Drums to accompany your Parasol Guitar every once in a while.


Oh, yeah. They're cool.

Finally, I love the relationship between Justin and Raja. They're both outsiders, but it goes beyond that. Raja's steadfastness makes Justin a better person. Justin's flakiness reminds Raja that, hey, they're still just kids. And I'm looking forward to watching them grow up.

I have never wanted pie more in my LIFE.

There has been a lot said about Pushing Daisies.
How it's wacky and whimsical...beautiful and charming...and that its slick, colorful exterior serves as a great contrast to the black humor that shoots through its core. But blah blah blah whatever. Because the show is just fun. Watching it makes me grin like a fool. Handgun cozies? Petting your dog with a stick? Bursting into song in the middle of a pie shop? Sisters who used to have a synchronized swimming team called the Darling Mermaid Darlings? Kissing through saran wrap? I'm hooked. Say no more. I'm on board.
Say what you want...the show is hard to categorize no matter how you slice it. I suppose you could describe it as an adult fary-tale/crime procedural. And a comedy. And a drama. And a musical. See what I mean about being hard to categorize? But, again, it's just so fun! It's like a group of fun though slightly insane people got together and said, "you know what? Let's make a show that is just awesome." And Pushing Daisies was the result.

While the plots are often meandering, and often make...how shall I say, no sense, it's not a case of style over substance. Ned's central problem, his inability to touch (or connect) with the wider world around him is applicable to all of us. Although, to be fair, our wider world doesn't appear in such vivid technicolor as Ned's. Which makes his inability to truly fit in with the wonderland around him even sadder. I have a feeling the moral of the story will be something along the lines of closing ourselves off from those around us never works out. Or it could just be that pie is awesome. Because whenever I watch this show, I want pie. As in, NOW.

What about BOB?

Just in time for Halloween, TV Squad has released their list of the top 10 scariest tv characters of all time. While I don't disagree with any of the choices they made (with special kudos for their choice of The Gentleman from Buffy, because DAMN, those guys were scary), I can't help but ask, how could they forget about BOB??

For those of you with a taste of the macabre, surely you are familiar with David Lynch's frightening and yet awesome tv series, Twin Peaks. And if you have watched Twin Peaks, you know about BOB. The malevolent spirit who delights in possessing people and making them perform unspeakable atrocities has got to be THE scariest tv character of all time. Here's a pic:



SEE???

Now, according to tv legend, Frank Silva (the portrayer of BOB) worked on the set of Twin Peaks as a set dresser and his reflection from a mirror was caught on film. David Lynch, who has got to be one of the weirdest people ever, was so struck by the OMGSOSCARYiness of it, that he wrote the character BOB and hired Frank Silva to portray him.

The moment captured in the picture above comes from the show's Pilot, when the audience first caught a glimpse of BOB as he was seen crouched behind a bed during a hallucination/vision of Laura Palmer's mother. I think I can say with a certain degree of definitiveness that from that moment on, BOB because the scariest character in television EVER. Disagree? The you probably haven't seen Twin Peaks.

Torchwood In A Nutshell or Seriously, Russell? SERIOUSLY?

A/N: This was written after watching almost the entire season of Torchwood, before seeing the last few episodes of Doctor Who Season Three. It includes spoilers for "Everything Changes," "Greeks Bearing Gifts" and "Keep Killing Suzie," at very least.

***

Good location (as demonstrated by the eighteen gratuitous aerial shots per episode to remind you that OMFG THEY ARE IN CARDIFF!). Good production values. Good creative team (Russell T. Davies is a Golden God). Good actors.

Inexplicably terrible.


Back row: Dopey, Sleepy, Happy, Grumpy, Bashful
Foreground: Sneezy? OK, so the metaphor falls apart a bit.
He sure as hell isn't Doc.

A friend asked me why I watch this show, when I clearly don’t like it. Let me clarify – I love watching Torchwood. Maggie and I derive great pleasure from mocking everything that is said and done in what passes for Torchwood’s plot. And there’s always a (microscopic) chance that something that happens in this atrocity may be important in future episodes of Doctor Who. And heaven forbid we miss a single obscure DW reference.

The worst of it is the characters. Owen is a douche. Ianto is an emo kid. Tosh is completely spineless. Gwen is too fucking naïve to live. And Jack – Jack in Doctor Who is LOVE, but Jack in Torchwood is kind of an irredeemable bastard. And they can’t seem to stay out of each other’s pants long enough to do much actual work.

Tosh: Hi, guys! I have this thing to show you –
Gwen (thinking): Can’t she see we’re busy having eye sex?
Owen (thinking): Mmmm, I loved it when Gwen dressed me up and called me ‘mummy.’ I wonder if Rhys would be into a threesome.
Tosh: *rips off telepathy necklace* Ugh, I think I’m going to be sick.

Ianto: So … now that we’re putting our dead colleague’s body back in the freezer, I think this would be a great time to suddenly stop crying about my dead girlfriend and proposition my boss.
Jack: Oh yeah, baby, the way you click that stopwatch really turns me on!
Suzie: Um, hello? I’m laying right here.
Jack: You can watch.
Suzie: I’d rather die. Oh, wait …

The only redeeming qualities of Torchwood:
1. Cap’n Jack Hotness. His suspenders-and-overcoat combination is ridiculous … ly adorable!
2. Plot continuity, and the occasional well-designed plot twist. These include:

• Cap’n Jack can never die because Rose resurrected him.
• The severed hand? Totally the Doctor’s!
• Suzie killing herself was all part of Her Evil Plan. And you know Russell T. Davies thought of that shit, too.

So I’ll hang in for the rest of the season. If only for the one shining moment in DW when Jack returns and says,

“OMFG, I WAS IN CARDIFF!”

I know this isn't a Heroes blog but I have to say....TIM KRING WHERE IS SYLAR? WE HAD A DEAL...I WOULD WATCH HEROES AND YOU WOULD GIVE ME MORE ZACHARY QUINTO.

How long do I have to wait, Tim Kring, how long?

WANT. SYLAR. NOW.

Transcript of a conversation between two Heroes fans

Sri: Hey! You watching Heroes tonight?
Maggie: HELLS YES! Shall we chat during commercials?
Sri: Totes!
Maggie: Woot.

*random squee-age re: Chuck and Doctor Who*

Sri: OMFG HEROES IN 8 MINUTES! Wait - limited commercial interruption? I should pee now ... be right back.

Maggie: It's time! I hope Sylar is in the premiere. But probably not.
Sri: Ha, maybe.
Maggie: Also ... SHUT UP MOHINDER!
Sri: Hey, that's my man you're talkin' about.
Maggie: Tim Kring, quit it with the voice-overs.
Sri: I was hoping those would fall off second season.

Maggie: I love Nathan calling his mom evil. I cheered.
Sri: But that was so mean! Even if she is evil.
Maggie: It was awesome. And someone is hunting the old guard.
Sri: She's going to die!
Maggie: And that will be awesome!

Maggie: Aw, I missed Hiro.
Sri: YATTA! You know that was a shout-out to all the fan girls.
Maggie: Maybe Hiro is learning something bad ass from Sark, and he's hunting [the old guard] down.

Sri: Oh, poor Molly! That shit would give anyone nightmares. And why did [Matt's wife] divorce him?
Maggie: Because she is dumb.
Sri: For real!
Maggie: Greg Grunberg is love. And, gotta say, recovering from FOUR BULLETS IN THE CHEST after only four months is pretty bad ass.

*random squee-age re: The Office and ... John Stamos?*

Maggie: Um. Hate [Nathan's] beard. But it makes me miss Claude.
Sri: Yes. That beard is clearly the devil. It looks like it's eating his face.
*later, but on a related note*
Maggie (upon seeing the random fake Irishmen): Heh, I like their accents. "Turd" row back ... it's totally Peter inside.
Sri: HE GOT A HAIRCUT! LOVE!
Maggie: "I don't remember?" LAME. Amnesia is so last year.
Sri: Indeed. But I love the new 'do. Sad thing is ... it looks like Peter's hair migrated to Nathan's face.
Maggie: Ha!
Sri: And it's super power is looking disgusting.

Sri: *gasp* Matt/Mohinder OTP!
Maggie: And a million fan fics were born.
Sri: Hahahaha!
Maggie: They moved in together? This show is so gay.
Sri: In a good way.
Maggie: Sylar is going to be pissed when he comes back and finds out Mohinder has been cheating on him ...
Sri: And, incidentally, when an 8 year-old is the Voice of Reason, you know you're in trouble.

Sri: Ha, Claire's got a new androgynous boyfriend.
Maggie: He ... annoys me.
Sri: Yeah. That whole "robots vs aliens" thing is kind of insulting.
Maggie: I think he is going for 'adorkably charming' but it's coming off 'ass hat.'
*later, there is flying and peeking into young girls' windows*
Maggie: WHOA.
Sri: Stalker!
Maggie: Awesome! But still ... CLANG CLANG SKETCH ALERT.

Maggie (about the Cheerleading Challenge): There is an easier solution to this problem. Martha says 'fuck off!' and walks away.
Sri: I'd be like, 'NO, BITCH! Back the hell off and die!' ... this is why I was unpopular in high school.

Maggie: David Anders is so smokin'. Also, you should never meet your hero.
Sri: OH NO HE DIDN'T! Smokin' or no, punching Hiro is not cool. Besides, I bet the legends of Takezo Kensei are actually based on the swordsmith's daughter. But since Japanese culture was so patriarchal, they couldn't deal with her being a woman.
Maggie: So there were like, 'let's make it the drunk white dude!'

Sri: Mr. Bennet is going to kill his manager and hide the body where no one will ever find it. So much for being 'invisible.'
Maggie: Mr. Muggles 4 EVAH!
Sri: I like the EXTREME GUILT CLOSE-UPS!!
Maggie: For the lying liars who lie.
Sri: I love Lyle's look of utter confusion.
Maggie: ... and terror. Like, SOMEONE ANSWER HER, PLEASE!

Sri: OMFG Mohinder's cheating on Sylar - again! Mr. Bennet, I expected more from you.
Maggie: Mohinder is such a slut.

Sri: F*cking shave, Nathan, and maybe I'll be able to stand the sight of you.
Maggie: I don't think Nathan could look sketchier if he tried.
Sri: Oh, nast. Looks even worse in the bar mirror.

Maggie (in the attitude of one reunited with her long-lost love): SYLAR! Nice shirt.

You've probably noticed we haven't updated in this blog in awhile. And by awhile I mean eons. Civilizations have risen and fallen since we have updated. Let me tell you why.

Once upon a time there were two friends named Maggie and Caroline. Maggie was awesome and Caroline was just all right. They got addicted to television and started a kickass blog that their hero Jacob even posted on (!!!!!). Then, Caroline got a job that sucked out her soul and left her a lifeless shell. And THEN she met this totally awesome dude who took away what little time she had for tv watching. And so Caroline never updated the blog. Maggie responsed by reminding and cajoling. When that didn't work, she engaged in a silent cold war with Caroline to see who would update the blog first. It was a silent cold war because Caroline didn't know it was going on. So then nobody updated anything. But then! Maggie's friend was like, "Ho, why don't you update your tv blog?" And Maggie was all, "Because." So Selvi volunteered to post on the blog with Maggie! So meet your new poster, Selvi Sri. Maybe we can shame Caroline into watching some television again.

Secret Boyfriend of the Week

Zach Gilford aka Matt Saracen.


He’s the mumbly, kind of shy, star quarterback of Dillon High School’s football team on Friday Night Lights, and he managed to steal my heart from the first time I laid eyes on him. I defy any woman to watch him sing to his addled Grandmother and tuck her in for the night and not want to bed him immediately. And that’s ok, because I’m pretty sure the actor is really in his early 20s and not in his teens. He holds the Panthers together with his quiet, strong leadership, and it doesn’t hurt that is his best friend, Landry, is made of awesome. Here are some of my fav Matt moments (please, note…I didn’t start watching FNL until around episode 6, so I am sure there are great moments from the beginning of the season I missed):

-Matt calms down his grandmother who has locked herself in a closet by singing to her and pretending to be his grandfather (his grandmother is very loveable, but not quite right).

-Matt calls out his Dad (who has recently returned from Iraq) for being a selfish dick.

-Matt begs Julie to join his powderpuff football team. His quiet, “please?” just about broke my heart.

-Matt looks at the camera and lets me see his pretty pretty face.

Return of the Buffy

Anyone who is true fan of television must be a fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It just seems like a given. One of the smartest, funniest, most watchable shows on television, and it all ended many years ago after a great 7 year run. Which, let's be honest, is more than most tv shows get. But what is that I see on the horizon? Is it Joss Whedon being his awesome self? YES. And he has delivered us Buffy Season 8 in the guise of a comic book, which let's him blow his creative wad without the restrictions of budget, time, special effects, and the FCC. The first issue comes out in March, and I for one cannot wait. According to MTV, the Scoobies have split all the new slayers into three squads and there are decoy Buffys running about, since people are obviously still trying to do in the original slayer. The best part? The US government has labeled these squads as terrorist cells and is trying to eradicate them. Bush vs. Buffy? Not even a contest.

More Tim Gunn, I tell you, MORE!

Words cannot express my love for Tim Gunn. Even my Mom knows it; when I drove up her driveway yesterday, she burst out the front door (in curlers no less) and shouted, “Tim Gunn is on Oprah…hurry!” Of course, I rushed inside and watched Tim Gunn and Bobbi Brown (the makeup maven, not the singer *shudder*) perform miraculous makeovers on normal women. So imagine my delight when I found this article from Entertainment Weekly noting that not only will Tim be returning for Project Runway 4, but he will have his own show on Bravo, AND will have his own book in May 2007. Which I am so pre-ordering right now from Amazon. But in sad news, he will be leaving Parsons and becoming the head of Liz Claiborne’s clothing line. Which, good for you Tim, but if I was a student at Parson’s, I would demand half my tuition money back. Finally, how awesome is that Tim's nickname is "the silver fox?" So dashing!

Note: I know there has been a significant delay in posting lately, mostly due to my laptop deciding to explode. I try not to post from work, but I can see that is no longer feasible. So check daily for updates!

Secret Boyfriend of the Week

This week's secret boyfriend is: Christopher Gorham who plays the adorkable Henry on Ugly Betty.


Also check him out in Jake 2.0, a defunct UPN show now airing on the Sci-Fi channel on Fridays. God Bless the Sci-Fi channel. Although his hair on that show was kinda fug. Check it:


Not his finest moment. Again, I ask. What is with the cute guys and bad hair on tv?? I do hope he hooks up with the cute dorky doctor girl though. And yes I know this show aired three years ago. It's still new to me and I am living spoiler free!

Finally, someone listens to me

I have been saying for years, "get Nathan Fillion back on my tv!" After the (too early) cancellation of Firefly, Nathan has been woefully absent from my television. Sure, he guested on Buffy (as an evil priest *drool*), and showed up on Lost so he could get married and drugged by that dumb ho Kate, but he never was given that big part he so deserves.

But it looks like that's changing. This article reports that Nathan will be appearing in a FOX mid-season television show, Drive, about a race across America. Sounds like a dramatic version of The Amazing Race. But probably with more more murder and sex. Woo! Anyway, anything that brings Nathan back to me on a weekly basis automatically becomes awesome.

Oh, and the producer of the show? Tim Minear, duh.

See, priests can be snarky and cute! Of course, most of them won't rib your entrails out, but whatevs. All hail the return of Nathan!


And one more random Nathan fact. In January his movie, White Noise 2 opens. Sounds like a lame sequel, right? His wife in the movie is played by Starbuck from the new Battlestar Gallactica. Y'all I am so there. I don't care how bad it is. Nerds gotta represent!

When Bad Hair Happens to Good People

TV can be wonderful. It can bring such joy, but it can also bring such pain. Like when tv executives insist on hiding adorable boys behind horrible hair. WTF, tv executives, WTF? Here are some recent notable examples:


J-Pad from Supernatural. Also known as, the flying nun. Seriously. Not only does he never get laid on this show, but his hair has wings. I am pleased to report that in recent weeks his hair has improved, but I am still keeping my eye on him. He rates yellow on the Hair Alert Meter.


Milo on Heroes. My GOD the bangs. I think he has made brushing the emo bangs away from his face an essential part of his acting strategy. Lose the bangs, save the world. A solid orange on the Hair Alert Meter.



Sawyer. Oh, Sawyer. You were so promising. You were all manly and angsty. And then you had to keep being mean to Hurley and made me hate you. Also, your hair is gross. I realize there is no more shampoo since the hatch exploded, but Kate cut it once and she needs to do it again. STAT. Sawyer has been elevated to the red level on Hair Alert Meter.

Supernatural Hilarity

In order to feed my continuing obsession with Jensen Ackles, I bring you Dean Winchester facts. Loosly based on (er, completely ripped off from) the Chuck Norris Facts that have been taking the internets by storm. Also, I did not come up with these, but I'm not sure who did since they have been making the rounds of LJs pretty heavily. If you did come up with it, good on you!

Top Thirty Dean Winchester Facts

1. Guns don't kill demons. Dean Winchester kills demons.

2. There is no hierarchy of demons. Just a list of demons Dean Winchester allows to live. For now.

3. When Dean Winchester was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Dean Winchester received an "A+" for writing only the words "Dean Winchester" and promptly turning in the paper.

4. The chief export of Dean Winchester is SEX.

5. Dean Winchester does not go hunting, because hunting implies the possibility of failure. Dean Winchester goes killing.

6. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Dean Winchester.

7. Dean Winchester does not read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

8. If Dean Winchester is late, time better slow the fuck down.

9. Dean Winchester can slam a revolving door.

10. Dean Winchester's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

No, wait. That's Chuck Norris.

ADDENDUM: Dean Winchester has cured cancer and looked damn good doing it.

11. If a demon can see Dean Winchester, he can see it. If it can't see Dean Winchester it may be only seconds away from death.

12. Dean Winchester has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

13. When Dean Winchester sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Dean Winchester has not had to pay taxes, ever.

14. Dean Winchester owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

He was four.

15. Dean Winchester doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

16. Dean Winchester is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

17. Time and tide wait for no man. Unless that man is Dean Winchester.

18. Dean Winchester sleeps with a night light. Not because Dean Winchester is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Dean Winchester.

19. Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads, "WWDWD?"

20. Crop circles are Dean Winchester's way of telling the world that sometimes, corn needs to lie the fuck down.

21. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Dean Winchester can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.


22. Dean Winchester has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.

23. Dean Winchester actually died ten years ago, but no Grim Reaper can get up the courage to tell him.

24. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Dean Winchester and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

25. Dean Winchester once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

26. Dean Winchester went to the Virgin Islands. They are now called the Islands

27. Dean Winchester is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Dean Winchester.

28. Dean Winchester's hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

29. Dean Winchester always gets blackjack. Even when he's playing poker.

30. Dean Winchester sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled hunting ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Dean shot the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

If you want to see the original Chuck Norris facts, click here. There are 9 pages worth. Damn. I guess males in the 18-34 age group really like Chuck Norris.