We're Wicked Smaht

Warning: no spoilers, but shameless fangirling ahead.

2012-02-13T19:39:00.000-05:00

BEST EPISODE OF SUPERNATURAL EVER!

Ok, maybe not, but I hope you will forgive me the hyperbole since the latest episode of Supernatural that I watched had me literally jumping up and down with glee. And I promise, no major plot spoilers here, only squeeing over casting.

I know a lot of you have checked out of Supernatural, and I am definitely guilty of letting some episodes pile up on my DVR. In fact, the episode I referring to (Time After Time) originally aired back in January and I am just getting to it now.

I can't judge anyone for giving up on the show; it's clearly gotten bogged down in the mythology involving the angels and demons the past few years. Remember when it was about a pair of brothers driving around the country fighting urban legends and looking for their Dad? Those are days are far behind us. But I have stuck with it and enjoyed even these later seasons, especially since they brought us Castiel and Crowley.

And oh boy, did I get a pay-off. It's like Supernatural's writers have been reading my diary! Because guess who co-starred on the episode I watched last night?

JASON MOTHERFUCKING DOHRING!

AKA, Logan from Veronica Mars.

If you read this blog AT ALL, you know that Caroline and I are bit, ahem, obsessed with Jason Dohring. We have suffered through Moonlight and now Ringer all out of love for this guy, and here he turns up completely unexpectedly on Supernatural along with my other fangirl crush, Jensen Ackles. It's like Christmas! And my birthday! Combined in a beefy man sandwich!

And then, just when I didn't things could get any better...

Krycek!

Everyone's favorite morally questionable recurring guest-star of dubious loyalty. If you're an X-Files fan, you'll know who he is...but for those not in the know, this is Nicholas Lea who played the character Alex Krycek on The X-Files. So this episode of Supernatural was basically a big Valentine to me. Thanks, Supernatural!

Oh, and I think forgot to mention the hotness that was the 1940s style clothes.

Can I get these two wrapped up to go?

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.

HULK SMASH BROADWAY

2012-02-08T19:27:00.000-05:00

After months and months (and months) of hype, NBC's new drama, Smash, debuted this week. I have to admit I've been looking forward to it; after all, it's about the creation of a new stage musical and you know how I feel about musicals.

Well, if you've ever been around me for longer than 10 minutes you probably know how I feel about musicals since I am prone to bursting into song at every opportunity.

Think of Smash as an adult alternative to Glee. You've got your fantasy singing sequences, and of course the songs featured in the show are immediately available for download on iTunes. But no matter the reason why the show is here, the real question is, is it any good?

Well, it made me do this. For reals, I have not seen so many "throw my head back singing and raise my arms over my head" shots in my life. And I gotta admit, by the end, I was right there with them. It's easy to get swept up in the drama and the music and the excitement.

But when the afterglow wore off I would say that I'm cautiously optimistic. I really liked the pilot; the characters are all great, and the behind-the-scenes stuff on the creation of a new musical is hella interesting.

There's essentially two stories being told here: Debra Messing and Christian Borle (from Spamalot!) are a song-writing duo (think Oscar and Hammerstein) who are struck with the idea to write a new musical about Marilyn Monroe. Meanwhile, you've got Broadway veteran Ivy, who has been stuck in the ensemble for 10 years, and newbie Karen who is also competing for the lead role.

My only complaint at this point is the heavy reliance on cliche. Katherine McPhee as Karen, is the ingenue who has moved from the midwest (of course) with stars in her eyes (of course) but this could be her big shot at stardom (OF COURSE)! And then there's Ivy, the busty blonde (of course) who is tired of wallowing in the background (of course) and might be willing to do anything to get ahead (OF COURSE).

What I found a lot more interesting were the stories of the writers, producers, and directors who are actually creating the show within a show. As someone who did high school and college theater, I've got some small insight into how a show gets made, but seeing how things get done when you've got millions of dollars and reputations at stake is really fascinating. And so far the songs are catchy and the original songs are really great. Which honestly, if the musical that formed the backbone of the show sucked, the show wouldn't have a prayer. But it looks like it's going to be good, and as one of the characters pointed out people are crazy about Marilyn right now.

And for another perspective, I decided to check in on what my cousin, Susannah, a Broadway expert, had to say. In short: she loved it. She's been eagerly looking forward to it and sounds like it didn't disappoint her (I believe the words "love" and "fabulous" were used multiple times).

The only thing that she wasn't absolutely crazy about was the casting of Katherine McPhee, which fair enough. I'm not an American Idol fan and don't really know anything about her, and while I wasn't blown away, I could see the beginnings of a spark in her. Let's hope the show can bring that out. And Susannah and I are in agreement that the rest of the cast is amazing, and we hope they get a chance to sing since most of them are Broadway veterans (on that note this article teases some promising things on the horizon...).

In short, I think people are going to fall into two camps on this. If Broadway and musicals are your thing then I think Smash is going to be must-see viewing for you. If you are meh on either than you probably won't be interested in the show. As for me, I'm definitely tuning in. What can I say, I'm a sucker for a musical.

Smash airs Monday nights at 10pm on NBC.

Are you ready for some PUPPY BOWL!

2012-02-07T12:33:00.000-05:00

Apparently there was some kind of football game on Sunday night? Something about the Super Bowl? If you want to read about that, then I suggest that you scroll down to Clovis' coverage of what sounds like a less than spectacular game.

But we all REALLY know what the highlight of Superbowl Sunday is, right? PUPPY BOWL, BITCHES!

You've got puppies running around and being adorable, the kitty half-time show, the hamsters in their blimp providing camera coverage of the entire field, and this year the piggy pep squad along with Meep the bird who provided entertaining tweets throughout the game. In fact, I think Monkey Sri enjoyed the twitter feed more than the actual game.

While the Superbowl may have been a lame game, this year's Puppy Bowl might have had the most action of any bowl so far. There was a record number of touchdowns (when a toy is dragged or carried into the end zone) and it was a real contest to see who would take MVP. In the end there could only be one, and though he was outscored by the adorable Aberdeen, this year's MVP went to...

Fumble! A 9 week old Chihuahua/Terrier Mix who started things off with a bang by madly frolicking with the other puppies...although sometimes he got flagged for unnecessary ruffness. I think at one point he fell asleep and another dog stepped on his face. Payback's a bitch, Fumble...literally.

But the viewer's choice MVP (which also happened to my pick) was the Aberdeen, the high-scorer of the night!

He's a 10 week old Australian Shepherd Mix and I thought he was the cutest puppy out there!

IMO the great thing about the Puppy Bowl is that it doesn't really require anything of you in terms of active viewing. It's puppies running around being adorable. The end. Sure they dress it up with hamsters and pigs and kittens and birds, but at the end of the day....puppies. Playing. That's it. If you want to write an email, chat with your friends, do some knitting during the game, no problem. You'll find yourself "awwwwing" in the middle of whatever you're doing though, so watch out.

My only complaint? It's gotten so commercial. It used to be about the game, you know? Not vacuum cleaners. Oh, and one more thing:

WHERE ARE THE BEAGLES, ANIMAL PLANET? Beagle fans demand satisfaction.

"Super" Bowl?

2012-02-06T09:45:00.004-05:00

In terms of epic-ness, it should have hit its mark. Two storied teams fighting for the top position both managed to outlast other upstarts throughout the season in order to make it to the final game. If that wasn’t enough, the same two teams met four years previously, the added value of a rematch potentially permeated the air. Plus you had the New York Giants squaring off against the New England Patriots, two teams with fan bases so devoted they could form de facto religious sects. So with all that promise, why was this year’s Super Bowl so, well, boring?

It could...go...all...the... oh, who are we kidding - no, it couldn't.

From the ridiculously lopsided first quarter (the Giants kept possession of the ball for almost the entire time, giving it to the Patriots for only one play before a technical error ended up costing New England a two-point safety in the end zone), this game looked hard fought, but frankly no more astonishing than a typical Sunday game. The fans in the stadium didn’t even really seem all that into it. New York gave a solid, and ultimately winning, performance but it wasn’t one that seemed especially inspired. And the Patriots, with the exception of a record-breaking 98-yard long drive from their own two-yard line into the opposing end zone, pretty much only got by with short, 10-yard passes and the occasional run up the middle.

Unfortunately for Boston, much of the fault for the low-excitement game likely lies with the Patriots. That failed Hail Mary drive in the final moments of the game aside, none of the team’s playing was exactly dramatic. That’s not to say that the Patriot’s short play style wasn’t strong. As my father used to say, if every play you run gets you three yards, that’s always going to be enough for a first down and that’s how you move down the field. Given that the only thing that counts at the end of the game is the final score, that style is the basis for solid, winning football. It’s just that when compared with the Giants’ muscular, relatively angrier playing style, the Pats just came out looking a little worn.

I’m typically the last person to fault a team for a solid playing style that doesn’t look that flashy. I come from the world of Big Ten college football, where the knock on the entire conference for years has been that the low-scoring games and lack of relative flash makes for bad ball. Of course, that’s because the Big Ten’s stock in trade is defensive playing, which by definition exists to shut down football plays. Compared with other conferences, such as perennial chart-toppers in the SEC, the Big Ten often looks slower, putting a larger emphasis on the size of players and their ability to break apart offensive lines. Meanwhile, those whiz-bang Heisman trophy winners in the SEC can put the football wherever they like it, rack up a combined total of over 100 points per game from both teams and have heard about defensive players and secretly have made plans for what they might say to a D-line if they ever meet one.

Right. Now, which one of us runs and which one of us blocks again?

The difference between my crabby defense of reliable, if not glittering, football and my boredom at this year’s game is actually the game itself. This was the Super Bowl. For all that I’d prefer to watch an actual game where the low score means higher stakes per touchdown, the reason we watch the Super Bowl is for the big plays, the explosions and the twirls and twists. The Super Bowl is all about spectacle and special effects and as such it is far more akin to entertainment than sports; it’s the Glee to the rest of the regular season’s CBS Nightly News. This year the league ended up with a game that lacked the pizzazz that it needed for such a night of event television. It didn’t feel fake or overcooked like some other Super Bowls in recent memory, but it didn’t exactly live up as the sheer entertainment machine that it’s designed to be either.

But as they say in the game, there’s always next year. Detroit Lions for XLVII, baby!

Glee Squee-cap: Michael Jackson

2012-02-01T14:25:00.001-05:00

I adored last night's episode of Glee for several reasons - the main reason being that it is one of the few episodes that utilized almost the entire ensemble cast, and did it well. We didn't have to sit through Rachel's insane internal monologues and/or endless self-indulgent solos. The main plot was a feud between the New Directions and the Warblers (Blaine's old show choir at Dalton Academy). Blaine is caught in the crossfire of their turf war, and Kurt has to make the tough choice: petty vengeance or moral victory? We also find out that Kurt is selected as a finalist for NYADA, and the scene where he opens the letter with Burt was SO. FREAKING. CUTE.

Don't cry, because then I'll start- Oh, too late!

The assignment of the week was Michael Jackson, one of the most iconic - and controversial - pop idols of all time. Glee didn't feel the need to address MJ's lifestyle, or his death, and I agree with their decision. It's not this show's place to ruminate on the scandals, but to celebrate an amazing body of work. Artie fantasized about getting out of his wheelchair for an awesome dance to "Scream" with Mike, Sam and Mercedes got to duet-it-up with "Human Nature," and Quinn's rendition of "Never Can Say Goodbye" charmed me and her ex-boyfriends alike. I would've liked Santana to take more of a lead in her "Smooth Criminal" duet with bad boy Sebastian (leader of the Warblers). Admittedly, for me it's less about the music itself and more about letting the various characters shine.

Also, I wouldn't mind seeing more of this hat.

Oh, and before I forget, Rachel and Finn are going to get married, or something. *yawn*

Revisionist History with Maggie Q

2012-01-30T14:06:00.003-05:00

Ever somewhat late to the game, I’ve been taking advantage of my Netflix subscription to watch season one of Nikita, the CW spy show that is now in it’s second season. My fellow TV Sluts have talked about Nikita before, but since it’s been a while and, as far as I know, I’m the only one who’s watched more than an episode or two, I wanted to reflect on a couple of things about it.

The first is, like all the other reviews here have mentioned, that despite seeming like a pretty tired conceit, the show manages to kick some serious ass. The acting, for the most part, is solid and believable and the plotting and pacing of the show make it fun to watch. There isn’t a lot that’s truly innovative in terms of bringing much new to the scene (hot chick who kicks butt getting revenge on a secretive and high-tech pseudo-government hit squad is pretty much standard femme fatale fair for the spy genre), but it gets points for delivering the required notes well. Also, I re-read what I just wrote and realized that it says something about my entertainment choices that I’m even comfortable using all those nouns in the same sentence.

The big thought that I had watching this show, however, was something along the lines of, “Damn. This is what Dollhouse should have been.”

Also? Less Eliza Dushku. Kthanx.

Dollhouse suffered from two things – the lack of interest in a main character that was constantly becoming someone else and Joss Whedon being a notorious slow-starter. Anyone watching Dollhouse knows that by the time we got to the part about why we should care, namely the brilliant post-apocalyptic future that the Dollhouse technology would create, it was hard to go back to the mission-of-the-week episodes. What viewers needed to see right at the start was Echo already trying to take down the Dollhouse and already struggling with what it meant to be a new personality stuffed into some other girl’s body. Instead, we got a season and a half of just wondering how it was that Echo was going to start to lose her shit with each mission. Nikita, by contrast, gets to jump right in to the interesting stuff on her show. And, really, how she broke out isn’t nearly as interesting as what she’s doing to do now as a damaged nobody with no real skills except for infiltration and murder. Following her through season 1 as she struggles with wanting to exact her revenge but also rebuild herself back into an actual human being and not just a programmed killer is honestly compelling. Had that kind of ex post facto development been applied to Dollhouse, I’m convinced the show would have done better.

So, for people like me, the fans of Dollhouse who don’t have a lot of promotional options aside from being crabby little cheerleaders for a show that could have been awesome but ultimately never really got on its feet, Nikita offers a nice, cozy alternate reality version of the show, one that has the same intrigue and overarching sense of dread, but without all the sloppy plotting. And, thankfully, no Fox Entertainment executives.

Is The Finder a keeper?

2012-01-29T19:43:00.003-05:00

There's a midseason replacement on Fox, called The Finder. It's a spin-off of the popular (at least with this reviewer) Bones. It's pilot was actually an episode of Bones late last season, and it survived in mostly its original form until it was picked up in January.

The show isn't bad. I've seen the first three episodes, and there's good stuff there. The main character is "quirky" but actually manages to pull it off without being annoying or trite. Who knows how long it will take until it gets old, but it hasn't yet (and the quirkiness of Temperance Brennan from its parent show has yet to stop amusing me). The mystery and the twists aren't bad. Here, however, are the weaknesses that the show is going to have to overcome.

It's incredibly formulaic. Not quite as bad as House, but bad. Thus far, it's been a little "fairy tale" with its happy endings. And then there's Willa.

Teen angst. Apparently "in" this year.

What I don't get about Willa is that she doesn't seem to be a part of the actual show. Every other character plays some role in the eponymous "finding." Willa tends to wander off and do her own little storyline and occasionally get some advice from the main characters. She's not, in my opinion, particularly likable. Objectively, her life isn't as bad as they treat it like it is, and I simply lack sympathy. She strikes me as the boring genre of tragic heroine whose flaw is that she simply goes with the flow and does what's expected of her and what's easiest so she doesn't have to think or make any decisions. I know far too many people like that in real life, and talking with them makes me want to smack them one. Why would I watch that in a TV show?

A big draw is the love interest, Isabel, a Deputy US Marshal. Refreshingly unpretentious, she and The Finder are already in a relationship of casual sex when the series starts. I could be alone, but I am bored with the traditional "will they/won't they" and I'm grateful for the change-up. She also pulls off that difficult trick of being very powerful without giving up one iota of femininity. Her squeal of glee at getting a beautiful pair of designer shoes increases to a cackle of delight when she discovers that they are knock-offs, and she'll be able to bring in the counterfeiter. There's also something else I like about her, but I'm having trouble putting it into words...

...personality?

In short, I'm gonna keep watching it for a while. It's good, and I definitely recommend watching the Bones pilot and the three episodes that are currently available on hulu.com (just search for The Finder, and the Bones episode will pop up, too). I'm just not holding out a ton of hope that it'll really draw me in.

Sherlock, Series 2 - now with even more hoyay!

2012-01-23T23:00:00.006-05:00

Let's not dwell on the fact that I've seen the first episode of Sherlock already, though it's not due to air on BBC America for some months yet. You don't ask, I won't tell. What I will tell is this - it's bloody brilliant. Spoilers ahead!

Moriarty: "Oh no!"

Me: "Oh, yes."

The first episode, A Scandal in Belgravia, focuses on the one of the very few significant female characters in all of the Holmes canon: "The" Woman, aka Irene Adler. While the original Ms. Adler only appeared in one short story, she exhibits a keen intellect and nerves of steel - in short, the very qualities Holmes so admires in himself. In the end, she is able to get the better of Holmes and he ever after regards her as the finest example of the fairer sex.

Modern audiences, however, would never be satisfied with this somewhat bloodless admiration. They want romance, they want passion. In short, they want sex. So Sherlock gives the people what they want with a lusty lesbian Ms. Adler, a dominatrix who's sideline is selling national secrets. To be honest, I was a bit miffed that the (all male, mind you) writing team felt that they needed to make sexuality Ms. Adler's defining characteristic. But then this happened...

Ms. Adler: Are you jealous?
John: We're not a couple.
Ms. Adler: Yes you are.
John: Who the hell knows about Sherlock Holmes, but for the record, if anyone out there still cares - I'm not actually gay.
Ms. Adler: Well, I am. Look at us both.

And we both know who's taking him home.

The implication being that neither Ms. Adler nor John swing Sherlock's way - yet, they both seem to love him. We later find out that Ms. Adler is attracted to Sherlock - her admiration for his intellect rises above her sexual preference. Will John follow suit someday? No, probably not. But this definitely gives the fan-fic writers plenty to work with. I've said it before, and I'll say it again - hoyay keeps the fan base strong.

Glee Squee-cap by Monkey Sri

2012-01-22T22:17:00.001-05:00

Several days late... or just leaving time for people to catch up via the internet? You be the judge.

We open with a Mercedes/Sam remake of "Summer Loving" from Grease. This is one role that I think Rachel would actually be better in - Sandy is insufferable, high-maintenance, and has a super annoying voice. The high point for me, of course, when Kurt pipes in with the classic Rizzo line, "Cause he sounds like a drag."

Getting to the main story line, this episode is ostensibly about Will asking Emma to marry him. Yadda yadda yadda, Ginger supremacist parents cause Will to have doubts, yadda yadda yadda, synchronized swimming proposal and Emma says yes. The more interesting story line, IMHO, is the fact that Becky (head cheerleader and Sue's sidekick) decides to pursue Artie romantically.

It definitely made me uncomfortable, but I thought it was well done. Artie calls the Gleeks out about how they talk about acceptance, but they don't seem to extend that to Becky because she has Down syndrome. And he's perfectly happy to spend some time with Becky - inviting her to a rehearsal, taking her to Breadsticks. But when Becky hints that she wants something more physical, Artie freaks and runs to Sue for advice. She promptly schools him by saying what she always does - Becky just wants to be treated like everyone else, and he should tell her how he feels. In the end, Becky's heart is broken, and we've all taken a few minutes to question our assumptions about people with intellectual disabilities.

In other news, this episode was somewhat Kurt-light and Rachel-heavy - including a eye-roll inducing proposal from Finn to Rachel as the last scene. Will she say yes?!? Who the hell cares? I WANT MORE KURT AND BLAINE, DAMMIT!

That’s All She Wrote – Summarizing Season 1 of AHS

2012-01-18T21:45:00.004-05:00

Ah, Murder House. We hardly knew ye. With the end of Season 1, we find ourselves with something of a rarity in modern television – a complete story. Not wanting to leave it all behind too quickly, I offer a few thoughts and ruminations on the Little Season That Could (Seriously Prove It Could Out-Crazy Everything You Thought).

Classic family fun!

First, let’s start with the big revelation that while American Horror Story will indeed be back for a season two, the creators have revealed that not only will the next season feature a new story, but also a new family and a new location, one that is supposedly heavily hinted at in the final episodes. (My money is on Virginia as a new location. Constance seemed to love it there.) Confounding it all even more, apparently some of the actors we’ve seen through season one will return playing new parts. Just proving once again that with this show, the crazy doesn’t have to end with the brain-eating pregnancy.

I’m actually in favor of this move. With the season leaving the Harmons all dead, but finally happy, I can’t say that I was too excited about seeing them becoming some kind of ghostly avengers throughout season 2. Plus, keeping the cast while changing the story, effectively making them into something like a rep company, is certainly innovative.

But enough of this insider, Industry talk. Now that we’ve seen an entire story from this show, it’s fair to ask what was this whole thing really about? There are a couple of very firmly established themes – the most obvious being childbirth and motherhood. Every single female character, with the possible exception of Addie, has some kind of direct exposure to motherhood, whether that’s the literal pregnancies of characters like Hayden and Vivien or the more ephemeral ruminations on being a mother that were slyly given to Moira and even Violet, once she realized that as a ghost, she would never grow old and have a child herself. The show has no qualms about needling at the fear of motherhood, something that a lot of people actually have. The creators of the show even specifically mentioned Rosemary’s Baby, the ultimate motherhood-as-horror tale, as an inspiration when writing the storyline.

GAH! BABY! KILL IT WITH FIRE! Oh hey wait...

Another theme that comes across more subtly, if anything about this show could be called subtle, is the theme of relocation and, by extension, how California is a land of transplants. All of our significant characters began their lives on the Eastern seaboard before moving to Los Angeles. The Harmons relocate from Boston after Ben’s affair, only to be followed by Hayden who does the same. Constance makes numerous references to having grown up in Virginia, a proper southern belle. Even Norah Montgomery (Lady Macbeth, as I’ve been calling her) is a member of Philadelphia society before being uprooted and brought to the wasteland of culture that is 1920s southern California. Unfortunately, this theme isn’t really developed much insomuch as it serves to draw a significant point about the most major theme of the show, home ownership and how owning someone else’s house means you may be literally keeping a part of them and their emotional baggage with you.

It makes sense that in 2011, a show called American Horror Story would be about the very real, very common and very normal fear of being trapped in a house that you can’t get out of, not because of a demonic force that doesn’t want you to leave, but because your own finances are working against you. Early on in the recaps I made a crack about how the scariest thing about this show was the Los Angeles housing market, but it points to how much we in modern America have come to fear the things that are supposed to make us feel safe – owning a home, having a child, raising a family. Effective horror stories have always been about making the safe feel scary; that’s why so many of them from the 80s and 90s were set in suburbia, rather than in the dark forests. We’ve become too discriminating in how we view horror and we have too many smart ways of getting out of sticky problems in our heads. We all know to avoid the bear in the woods or the shark in the water. It’s much creepier when the thing we have to avoid is the place where we’re supposed to feel comfortable.

A completely un-ironic view of the longevity of the American dream.

So while AHS certainly was never a show that pulled its punches, I do think it has been effective in that it picked up on the zeitgeist to help us see what scares us the most right now. For that reason alone, I’m looking forward to seeing what Season 2 scares up for us.

The Firm

2012-01-13T12:16:00.000-05:00

Since I'm a lawyer, people assume I'm a big John Grisham fan. The truth is, I've read maybe two or three of his books, but wasn't really impressed. Perhaps it's because I was reading them when I was younger, but I found them overly complicated and wasn't really emotionally invested in any of the characters.

The movie, The Firm, however, will always have a special place in my heart. It was the first R-rated movie that my Mom took me to see in the theater and I remember she covered my eyes at the sex scene. When I was 13 years old (in 1993). Still, I appreciate her taking me to see something that was rated well above my age group. Though now that I think about it, she probably took me because she wanted to see it and didn't have anyone to go with her.

But no matter. The point is, it's been almost 20 years since the film version of The Firm came out, so when NBC decided to make a prime time drama of the same name I was kind of perplexed. Was there some kind of public outcry for a tv show to revisit a story that was relevant almost a generation ago? Or is NBC just so desperate for shows that they are digging far into the bottom of the barrel?

Whatever the answer to that question, the outcome is a positive one because the two hour pilot to the firm didn't suck--in fact, it was kind of good. I realize that many critics disagree with me on this point (including Mo Ryan, whom if you don't read you really should), but hey. I didn't get to have a blog that has 17 followers by going along with what everyone else said. And I liked The Firm, so there.

Of course, it seems the American people disagree with me since almost nobody watched it. Oh, well.

FYI, this is how all lawyers look out of windows. They teach us this at law school so we will appear as creepy as possible.

You should watch the show and then maybe it will stick around! Here are the basics: Josh Lucas (the cute guy from Sweet Home Alabama) plays Mitch McDeere, a lawyer. Shocker. We pick up ten years after the events of the book and film, where Mitch worked undercover for the feds to bring down a powerful and shady law firm with huge mob connections. Turns out after he got the necessary evidence to get the firm for overbilling (apparently the new mail fraud), the big mob boss who was represented by the firm decided that Mitch and his family had to go and put out a hit on him. So Mitch, his wife and kid, his private investigator brother, and his feisty Girl Friday assistant (played by Juliette Lewis) all go into witness protection. 10 years later, the mob boss is dead, and Mitch decides it's time to come out of hiding and become a sole practitioner working on criminal law and tort cases.

That's where the tv series picks up.

Turns out Mitch has a friend from law school who works for a big firm in town and wants him to join to create their criminal law division. The pilot is concerned with several subplots, namely: will Mitch once again join a big firm? Is the mob still out to get him and his family? How short will Juliette Lewis' skirts get? And why is EVERY LAW FIRM EVIL?

The pilot also concerned itself with a couple of Mitch's current cases, so you get your dose of legal drama. Including a case involving a young girl that may explain why that new law firm is so eager to add Mitch to their payroll....

What do you mean the mob is trying to kill us? We're so likeable!

Overall, I thought the show was enjoyable. The actors are all good, oh and it totally has Six from Battlestar Galactica! It's always nice to see Tricia Helfer again. In fact, there are a lot of familiar faces here. But anyway, the show made deft use of flashbacks to explain things to the viewer (most of which I already told you here), and I think it's worth checking out. I want to know more about the mysteries surrounding the new firm and I think Mitch's cases and associates are interesting. I'm not sure this will ever rise to the level of say MUST SEE TV, but a solid drama with twists and turns may be just what the doctor ordered. And who doesn't love a good old evil corporation?

The Firm airs Thursdays at 10pm on NBC.

Downton Abbey: the costumes may not be as ornate, but the drama is still ripe.

2012-01-09T19:47:00.001-05:00

You guys. YOU GUYS. Downton Abbey is back!

Most of the girls reading this are going, "SQUEE!" and most of the guys are going, "whaaaa?"

Downton Abbey, Masterpiece's latest BBC costume drama import, has become something of a sensation here in the US. Women (and gay men) all over the country swooned over the amazing costumes, the relationships, the upstairs/downstairs drama, and the breathtaking scenery of Highclere Castle, where the series is filmed.

After a long wait, the second season finally began airing on Masterpiece Classic* last night, and without hardly a chance to breathe we are dropped right back into the action. Literally, as we start the second season with the heir-apparent to Downton, Matthew Crawley, fighting for survival in the trenches of France. Last season ended with the announcement that Britain and Germany were at war, but with the current season WWI is properly underway and all the young men of Downton are potential soldiers. Mr. Carson, the head butler, sees his male staff gradually whittled away for one reason or another, and things at the manor house are changing--for better or worse.

I won't give away a lot of the plot movement and twists here, I figure if you have made it this far in the post you probably watch the show and if you don't WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR.

The season premiere set a stunning number of subplots in motion and saw many of our characters making big changes. I thought it interesting how this season so many of the plots circle around outside forces--the war, people arriving at Downton, etc. Last season it seemed most of the drama came from Downton itself, and the question of who would inherit when the current Lord (and Earl) Grantham kicked the bucket. Of course when an outsider did come it was drama-rific (Mr. Pamuk, anyone?) but this season the war is driving everything. Which, hello, it was the War to End Wars. Of course it's touching every facet of British life.

To sum up: last night's episode was meaty, with the characters constantly moving and making decisions. Not always smart decisions (EDITH) but sometimes really excellent ones (Sybil). A lot of new doors have opened and I cannot wait to see what happens next!

Did I mention Maggie Smith is in the show?

Oh, and for those who are about the clothes (which is basically everyone who watches the show), I love how we are gradually moving into flapper territory. Or as close as British landed gentry would get to flapper. It was also interesting to see how even the upstairs folks are starting to dress more simply--I don't know if you heard, but there is a war on.

STUNNING.

*May I just point out that I thought dividing Masterpiece Theater into a bunch of smaller segments a few years ago was kind of dumb? People don't think of it as Masterpiece Classic or Masterpiece Mystery. They think of it as Masterpiece Theater. Except now we don't get the full theme song. Which is the first movement from Jean-Joseph Mouret's First Suite in D, in case you were wondering. I might have it on my iPod. Shut up.

Secret Boyfriend of the Week: It's elementary, my dear tv slut!

2012-01-05T21:01:00.001-05:00

We're all big old nerds here at the tv blog. It's no good denying it, I think the ship has pretty much sailed on that one. So is it at all surprising that we're big fans of the BBC series Sherlock (which airs over here on Masterpiece on PBS)?

Probably not.

After all, you've got adorable British boys, logic, snark, and a modern update of classic British literature.

And what do you think would happen if it was announced the Sherlock himself was going to join the biggest sci-fi franchise in the world? Because that is exactly what happened. Sherlock, i.e. Benedict Motherfucking Cumberbatch has signed on to the new J.J. Abrams directed Star Trek movie.

FANGIRL EXPLOSION!

The internet rumor mill is going full force in the wake of the announcement, with people predicting that Cumberbatch will be taking the role of Khan* that was originally going to be played by Benecio del Toro. Whether it's Khan or not, seeing Cumberbatch play a villain is definitely on my wish list. Add to that Star Trek, and well I think I might be coming down with the vapors. Where's that fainting couch I ordered?

And I didn't even tell you yet about how he is the voice and motion capture actor for the dragon, Smaug, in Peter Jackson's The Hobbit.

This picture is so wrong. And yet, hilarious.

*KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

Recapping AHS: Season Finale!

2012-01-02T19:04:00.007-05:00

This is it, you guys – the season finale. Apologies for the long post, but the episode was a big one and it ran longer than earlier ones. Does the big finish crazy do justice to the long, strange trip we’ve seen so far? Check it out…

We begin with our weekly dose of flashback irony, as Vivien prepares to leave Ben nine months ago in Boston. Intercut between their sad debate about whether or not they’ve tried enough to keep the marriage together, we see clips from the past 12 episodes. Ben insists that moving together to the new house will restore their hope. Connie Britton nails this scene, crying softly while her idiot husband drones on in rose-colored tones about how great life will be there. Cut to today as Ben frantically searches the house for the ghosts of his wife and daughter, unable to find them.

Act I! Constance has been babysitting the newest Harmon for Ben until after Vivien’s funeral. She is insistent that the kid not be allowed back into the house. Ben says they’ll be fine and Constance asks what we’ve all wanted to ask Ben since this started – “after all you’ve seen, how can you still be so blind?” Flashback to a few months ago, Ben calls Constance to say he can no longer see Tate after he started going into Violet’s room. Addie is coloring at the kitchen table. This is important simply because Addie is awesome. In the house, Vivien is adjusting to ghost life and chatting with Old Moira, who reminds her that Ben can’t see her unless she wants him to, so kindly stop hiding under the table every time he walks into the room. Moira suggests that maybe Vivien’s keeping herself so involved because she wants Ben to see her, but Vivien says she and Violet will not to appear to him because they want him to leave with the baby and raise him somewhere safe. Vivien asks Moira to make her some tea, but Moira gently tells her no, saying that they are equals now and she can get it herself. Later, Ben tells the baby that everything will be okay and his aunt will be there for him soon. Then Ben lays out the keys to the house and puts a gun to his head. Before he can pull the trigger, Vivien appears and stops him. She tells him she forgives him and that the baby needs a father. Violet joins her echoing the call for Ben to leave. Ben fetches the baby, but is stopped on the stairs by Hayden and the two home invaders, who throw a rope around Ben’s neck, hanging him from the chandelier and killing him.

Pictured: The Audience's ambivalence about Ben's fate.

Act II! It is several months later and Marcie the real estate agent is showing the house to Miguel and Stacy Ramos and their teenage son Gabe. Stacy wants to know why the house is priced so cheap. Marcie whitewashes the story of the Harmons as a “tragic love story”, which I’m betting was the rejected first name for this show. Gabe is fine with it, saying he doesn’t believe in ghosts and takes his own tour of the house on his skateboard before getting tripped up by the exploding snaps from the two 70s twins who promptly vanish.

Act III! The two LAPD Detectives are back, apparently having moved on from “solving” Travis’s murder to trying to figure out what happened to Violet. Constance recounts how she found Ben’s body shortly after he died. Flashing back, Ben and Vivien are reunited in death while Constance is pissed that the child is missing. Constance finds the baby in the basement (natch) being cradled by Hayden. Travis slits Hayden’s throat and gives the baby to Constance. Constance lies to the police, saying she believes that Violet ran away with him, when in fact the little tyke/demon is upstairs taking a nap. Back in the house, Gabe finds Violet in his (formerly her) room, listening to his music, which she deems awful. She introduces herself as “a ghost of my former self” and a neighbor and flirts while Tate watches from a distance. Downstairs, Miguel and Stacy put together their kitchen before getting intimate and talking about maybe having another child. Ben and Vivien are watching all of this and can see right where this is headed. They decide that the Ramoses can’t suffer the same fate as them and they need to do something. Moira offers to help, saying that while the house has many spirits, not all of them are angry or vengeful.

Act IV! Miguel, waking from a sound sleep, leaves his bedroom in a trance to go downstairs and play with fire, just as Ben once did. Stacy is left alone when the Gimp appears. Stacy screams and runs down the hall, only to have Beau suddenly jump at her from the trapdoor to the attic. Downstairs, Vivien and Burning Man’s wife tell Miguel that he needs to wake up and save his family. Young Moira leads him to the dining room, where the grotesquely carved up Black Dahlia tells him this isn’t a dream. Upstairs, Stacy is hiding in the bathroom when one of the murdered nurses comes out of the water. She is chased by the Gimp into the basement, where she finds Miguel. Vivien stops the Gimp who reveals that he is Ben. Vivien scolds Ben for “preying on the new meat” before they’re barely moved in, then she eviscerates his torso, spilling his entrails onto the floor. Yes, for realz. Vivien gets a wicked moment where she gets to say to the Ramoses, “you have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that.” Vivien, once again, is the audience surrogate. Ben responds by shooting her in the head. Now utterly gory, they turn to the Ramoses, telling them both to run. In Gabe’s room, Tate attacks Gabe with a knife, saying he has to kill him for Violet. Violet appears, telling him she wants to say goodbye to him, distracting him enough for Gabe to run. Once he’s gone, Violet vanishes, leaving Tate alone. As the Ramoses all flee the house in fear, the Harmons watch from the porch, lamenting that some other poor family will just move in next.

Act V! Marcie is again selling the house and getting pissed that it’s still on the Murder tour. Inside, Ben is cleaning up his former office. Tate appears asking if they can talk, but Ben calls him a psychopath and says he’s not worth it. He also says psychology doesn’t work, which actually explains why it was that Ben was so terrible at it. Tate tries to apologize, finally admitting to all his crimes, but to no avail. Elsewhere in the deserted house, Vivien hears a baby crying in the basement. She finds her stillborn infant son in the arms of Lady Macbeth, who clearly has no aptitude for parenting, but insists that the child is hers because “arrangements were made.” Vivien convinces her to let her hold him and the child settles as she sings to him. Vivien brings him to the kitchen where Moira is cleaning out of boredom. Vivien asks if she’d be willing to be his Godmother, calling Moira a “great addition to the family.”

We don't often get to say this about this show, but "awwwww..."

Christmas music begins and we see the Harmons and Moira happily decorating a tree together using old ornaments they found in the attic while Hayden and Tate menace at them from the darkness of another room. We flash forward to three years later – Constance tells her hairdresser that she has adopted a young boy named Michael, the son of “distant cousins” who died in a car accident in Virginia. Constance says all the tragedy in her life was preparing her for Michael, himself destined for greatness and in need of a great mother. Coming home, Constance finds her nanny dead in a pool of blood while little Michael, resembling Tate, rocks in a chair with bloody hands and grins wickedly. “Now what am I going to do with you?” Constance mutters.

dun dun DUN!

Coming soon - Season 1 wrap up and what's ahead for Season 2?

Enlightened

2012-01-02T17:50:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year, fellow tv sluts! I hope you rang in the new year in a fun and safe manner and are ready for a clean slate. I know I am.

So let's do this thing! First post of 2012. And what better way to do it then starting out with a most excellent HBO show all about second chances and finding the strength the change your own life. I'm talking about Enlightened, a show that I hadn't heard too much about when it aired, but now that the first season is over and award-season is starting, it seems to be generating a fair amount of buzz.

Here's the official description from HBO:

Amy (Laura Dern) is a self-destructive health and beauty executive who has a very public workplace meltdown. After three months of contemplation and meditation at a treatment center in Hawaii, Amy returns rested and ready to pick up the pieces of her old life and reshape the world she left behind. That includes delivering well-meaning, but generally unwanted advice to her mother Helen (Diane Ladd), with whom Amy is now living; her slacker ex-husband Levi (Luke Wilson) whose only solace comes from recreational drugs; and the crew of awkward co-workers Amy finds herself reassigned to. The series follows Amy as she navigates an unconventional path between who she is, who she wants to be...and what everyone is willing to tolerate from her.

The "meltdown" in question is more of a psychotic break, but has the distinction of being hilarious, horrifying, and yet realistic all at once. This is the kind of thing that it's difficult to come back from, after all, yelling "I will kill you, you motherfucker!" at your boss is not the greatest strategy for career-advancement.

Girl, we've all been there. Well, not literally there, but we've all felt like we've been there.

My main concern was that when Amy came back from her spiritual retreat she would be a stereotypical hippie asshole. You know, the kind that looks down on everyone around them who isn't as spiritually awake and is totally judgey. But Amy's not like that all--she's just trying to make her way in a world that expects her to go batshit crazy at any moment.

The central arc of the show is whether it's actually possible to find spiritual peace living in our bullshit corporate world. Sure, it's easy to be one with the earth and your feelings while sitting on a deserted beach in Hawaii, but when you need to go back and meet with Human Resources at your giant company, can you maintain that serenity? And there's enough cracks in Amy that you see her struggle to maintain her cool. Sure, she sometimes loses it, but those are the most real moments.

I'm about halfway through the first season and so far I am loving the show and am super impressed with Laura Dern. Other than her role in Jurassic Park, there's not much she's done that's been on my radar, but this role (which she helped create) is something really special for her. Amy is a very flawed protagonist, but darn it, you can't help but root for her. Don't we all dream about becoming the best possible version of ourselves? It's not a question of whether Dern will be nominated come awards time, only whether it will be in the drama or comedy category. Personally, I think the show is more of a drama; the humor is more of the "pointing out the foibles of normal life" variety rather than "oops I fell off my chair."

If you've got HBO, you can catch Enlightened on On Demand, and it's Netflix and DVD releases are pending.

Happy New Year, and maybe this show can help you keep those resolutions.

Apparently spiritual retreats are great for your hair. Sign me up! I can kumbaya with the best of them.

Pillars of the Earth

2011-12-22T09:59:00.000-05:00

Another day, another Starz historical drama. Only this one is a mini-series (remember those?) called The Pillars of the Earth and aired last year. So you can score it on DVD or through Netflix if you desire.

Let's start off with a personal anecdote. I know you guys love those like woah. About two years ago I was thinking to myself, "Self, there must be more to the audiobook genre than Harry Potter and Twilight*. Why don't you see what else is out there and start listening?"

I can't remember how I got turned onto it, but I decided that Ken Follet's, Pillars of the Earth, was a good place to start so I reserved the audiobook from my library. And then I picked it up and almost started laughing. You guys, this thing was massive. The unabridged novel was over 30 discs long. It took me a long time to get through it, but get through it I did. I wish I could say I enjoyed it, and while I certainly appreciated the story for it's epic scale, huge cast of well-established characters, and ability to hold my attention--all in all I was glad when it ended.

Because in my opinion, this was a story that made you care about a bunch of characters and then proceeded to shit all over them for 30 discs (let's say more than 40 hours). Seriously. Bad stuff seemed to happen to these people a lot, and sure that's realistic for a tale set in the medieval world, but as a reader or listener it gets draining.

So why did I decide to watch the mini-series that Starz aired based on the novel? Mostly because I was curious and wanted to see how an adaption went, but maybe because I'm also a glutton for punishment. Or because I needed something to write about here on the blog and I figured there were only so many posts I could squeeze out of the Best Christmas Movie teat.

I was all set to write this in-depth review and then I found this one from Time and it's pretty much exactly what I wanted to say. Allow me to shamelessly quote their sum-up of the plot and some of the review:

England is in a succession struggle (a period called the Anarchy) after a ship disaster killed a royal heir. The intrigue draws in the Church, which is experiencing its own power battle: the very very upright Prior Philip (Matthew Macfayden) rises in the Church and comes into conflict with the very very corrupt bishop Waleran Bigod (Ian McShane). Among the points of contention, the building of a planned massive cathedral. Around the edges of this story comes in a lot of the juicy stuff: warring nobles with their lusts and shifting alliances, and the trials of poor but virtuous stonemason Tom Builder (Rufus Sewell) who wants to design the cathedral and whose life is complicated by his Wiccan consort Ellen (Natalia Wörner). (I would say Tom Builder is aptly named, but people were aptly named by design in the 12th-century.)

In 1980 on NBC, this show (with the sex and violence heavily cut back) would have been a landmark. But after a decade of complex, sophisticated, morally challenging cable dramas, it’s a letdown...All that said, the production values are high enough and the history heady enough that the show should appeal to fans of big historical pics willing to overlook some simplistic drama. Pillars can be an intriguing look at a period of history that we tend to see covered more in mythic stories of Holy Grail parodies.

I think that pretty much covers it. The show follows the book very faithfully, such that sometimes I was a little bored since I knew what was going to happen. But the entire cast is excellent and I found myself sucked in almost against my will. Let me put it this way: disc 2 got popped in as soon as disc 1 ran out even though I didn't think the show was that fabulous.

And I don't seem to remember that incest subplot from the book, but it's cable. Whatever.

A lot of the cast will be familiar to you, Ian McShane is of course from Deadwood, and you've got Matthew Macfayden from the most recent Pride and Prejudice movie. He's much better in this, by the way. Also Eddie Redmayne (from the recent My Week With Marilyn) is excellent as the real "hero" of the show, Jack.

MacFayden is MUCH better as a monk than Mr. Darcy, thank you very much.

I'll also give the show props for making all the political intrigue and shifting alliances easier to follow than the book. In fact, I think that's where the series' real pleasure lies. While the book seemed really depressing due to all the terrible things that happened, watching the characters on the television respond and try to bring themselves back from disaster (sometimes successfully, sometimes not) with quick-thinking, gumption, and good old fashioned wits was really interesting. The visuals of the cathedral are also quite stunning.

If you're a fan of historical drama on a grand scale with a side of violence and sex, then you might want to think about checking this out. A warning though: it's no Game of Thrones. But if you're looking for something to fill the winter hiatus that won't require a huge commitment (the entire series is only 8 episodes long) this could be just the ticket.

*don't judge.

Recapping AHS: The Jig Is Up!

2011-12-19T17:44:00.004-05:00

1984. Young Tate plays in the house while Constance is passed out on the couch listening to Newhart when his toy truck as it moves down the stairs to the basement on its own. Young Tate follows, finding the toy truck in the darkness when something that looks hideous grabs him, pulling him into the dark. Lady Macbeth suddenly yells, “No, Thaddeus!” and pulls Tate away, telling him that all he has to do is shut his eyes and tell Thaddeus “go away” and he will. She comforts a very freaked out Tate, who says he wishes she were his mommy. It’s understandable – honestly she does “comforting” a lot better than Constance seems able to. In our time, teenage Tate finds the toy truck again and sees Lady Macbeth crying in the basement. Tate says he can’t give her Vivien’s baby any longer. Lady Macbeth is not to be dissuaded and says the baby is hers.

Dating's going to be hard on Thaddeus

Act I! Ben is dragging Violet through the house, trying to get her to go with him to pick up Vivien. Violet sobs and resists getting in the car. Ben throws her in anyway and as he pulls away, Violet is back upstairs. She and Tate wonder how she’s going to break the news about her death to her parents. Violet correctly surmises that they’ll always be stuck as they are now, never growing or evolving. They find Spock and Mr. Spock decorating the nursery and Violet tells them that the Harmons are leaving, but the gays point out that the family will never leave as long as Violet’s stuck there, which works perfectly for their plans to raise the babies themselves. Violet calls Constance over and she wants to talk to the medium about how to get rid of ghosts. Constance finds the nursery and the snarking continues. Blah, blah blah, everyone wants a baby. Babies all around. Constance says the gays can have Ben’s baby, but not her grandson. Spock says they need both – they’re going to wait until the babies are older and them smother them to keep them cute forever. With hypoallergenic pillows! Because this show is nothing if not sensitive to stereotypes about gay men. Or maybe just suburbanites. I’m honestly not sure which is more into specialty pillows.

Act II! The medium has arrived and it takes her all of two seconds to realize that Violet is dead. The medium says there’s an evil in the house, fed by the house’s traumatic history and trying to break through to our world. She says spirits can be banished, but the last time it was done successfully was 400 years ago at Roanoke, when the entire colony died and then haunted the local native tribes. According to the medium, the Indian Chief banished the spirits by burning the colonists’ personal items and saying the magic word “croatoan.” In the hospital, Vivien is being discharged. She’s planning on giving birth in Florida with her family, but the doctor says Vivien needs an emergency C-section and one of the two babies is ready to be born, while the other is slowly dying. Back home, Violet tells Tate they need the wedding ring from Mr. Spock for the banishment spell. Tate goes to Mr. Spock who is understandably a little bitter about Tate killing him. Tate offers himself to him, yes, in the biblical sense, and again he’s still totally not gay. Mr. Spock is not going for it, beating Tate up, confessing along the way that he was planning on leaving his husband right before Tate killed him and now they’re stuck together. Spock overhears this and runs off, but Tate managed to get the ring. Ben and Vivien arrive home when Vivien starts having contractions. Ben retrieves Violet, who says they need to leave and not let Vivien in the house. Ben wants to know how she got away from the car, assuming she’s on drugs because that totally explains teleportation when Violet drops the bomb – she tells him she’s dead and can’t leave the house.

Yay, motherhood!

Act III! Vivien is giving birth on the couch, attended by Constance and Ben. All the phones including cell phones aren’t working. Outside, the Evil Twins are trashing the car. Then the power goes out. Ever observant, Ben is starting to notice things may not be normal. The dead nurses and Dr. Montgomery are helping Vivien in the living room and Ben can see all of it. Constance says the house is trying to help them. Dr. Montgomery orders ether and Vivien flashes between the current birth and giving birth to Violet. Several horrific minutes later, the first baby is stillborn. Dr. Montgomery passes the “stillborn” baby to Lady Macbeth, who cradles it kindly. In the basement, Violet throws the ring into the furnace fire and yells “croatoan” to banish Spock. It…doesn’t work. Neither does burning sage or anything else. Spock says all those spells and chants are bullshit – attempts the living make to let them believe the world is more orderly and controlled than it really is. Spock recognizes that he’s doomed to spend eternity with a man who doesn’t love him, but of the two of their predicaments, Violet’s is worse because Tate will always be a monster. Violet says he’s changed, but Spock asks if that can be true given that he raped Vivien. Revelation!

Act IV! The birth is getting bloodier and screamier. Vivien says the baby is ripping her apart. Basically this is the worst birth since that Twilight movie. The baby comes out crying finally, with Vivien not looking good. Constance takes the baby then makes for the kitchen where she and Old Moira wash the baby. Moira cries and calls the baby beautiful, but Hayden suddenly is there to collect. In the living room, Vivien is hemorrhaging and sees Violet appear and says she’s sorry and if Vivien is in pain, she should let go. Ben sees none of this and begs Vivien to stay. Violet beckons Vivien as she goes limp and still. Ben’s left alone in the room, now ghostless, with just Vivien’s body. Upstairs Violet tells Tate that Vivien has died and wants to know if Tate knows why Constance wanted him to see Ben. She tells Tate that he killed the kids who came to them on Halloween and he’s dead because the cops killed him. Tate breaks down, swearing he’s different now, but Violet says he isn’t and she can’t forgive him. His baby killed her mother, so Violet shuts her eyes and tells him “go away” – the magic incantation that actually banishes him. Violet is left crying alone in her room until Vivien appears and comforts her, telling her she was brave. Violet says she's sorry Vivien had to die and lose her baby. Vivien responds that she didn’t lose her baby at all.

Next time – the season finale!

Spartacus: Blood and Sand

2011-12-19T14:47:00.000-05:00

Despite having watched very little of the show itself, Spartacus: Blood and Sand has gotten its fair share of coverage here on the tv blog during the last couple years. It all started when the TV Sluts got to sit in at the Comic Con panel which made us all feel extra special, and then when the show began the pilot was available on Netflix. But then I didn't have access to Starz and the show kind of fell off my radar.

Until September of this year, when the show's star, Andy Whitfield, died of Non-Hodgkin lymphoma and all of a sudden Spartacus was back in the news.

The show had been working on a prequel series while Whitfield was in treatment, but as it became clear their star would not be up to returning to the physically grueling role, they replaced him (with his blessing I was gratified to hear). So here we have a hit show (by modest Starz standards) that was replacing its lead actor after only one season. My curiosity was raised and I found myself wanting to see if the show was actually any good.

When I wrote about the pilot episode it was in the context of a Secret Boyfriend of the Week post, and yeah, there is a LOT of flesh on display in this show. I am sure you all know of its hyper-reality elements similar to the film 300, and every episode has its fair share of fight scenes and sex. But it's actually a lot more complex than that. After the pilot, the bulk of the action takes place in the villa of Batiatus and Lucretia (Lucy Lawless!), the folks who bought our hero at the end of the pilot episode. Basically, they are the people who train/own the gladiators and rich Romans rent them out to appear in games or in private exhibitions. Think of them as the people who own the racehorse--and have pinned all their future hopes on one particular stud.

I told you, I'm Lucy Lawless, not Xena.

The plots swirl around Spartacus sure, but it's more about how his arrival and rise to stardom in the arena affects the other characters. Batiatus' ambition knows no bounds and he'll do whatever it takes to increase his power and wealth. Then there's the other gladiators (who are none too pleased to have this upstart take all the glory) and even the servants in the home get in on the action. That's only the tip of the iceberg; there's a lot of subplots working here and the show has a feel of a manor house drama. Everyone is in the same place geographically, but not in terms of status or happiness.

Through it all, Spartacus is driven to be reunited with his wife who was also sold into slavery when he was captured as a deserter from the Roman army. I was happy to see that particular subplot got resolved about halfway through the season in a way that made sense (no spoilers here though). Just when I thought things were going to start to get old, the writers surprised me by taking the story in a new direction. Basically, there's more here in common with HBO's Rome than I had expected. It's clear this show was well thought-out before it ever started shooting and the pacing and complexity of the story really surprised me.

So it's kind of like Upstairs, Downstairs and Downtown Abbey...only with more swords and sandals. And boobs.

The first season certainly ended in an intense and surprising finale, and I definitely plan on watching Season 2 whenever I can get my hands on it. There's a new Spartacus to break in, and I can only hope that Liam McIntye can carry on Andy Whitfield's legacy. I was expecting someone who just looked good in a loincloth, but Whitfield really impressed me with his acting.

If you are a fan of period drama, naked flesh, intrigue, vengeance, and gratuitous yet awesome violence, I really suggest you check out the first season. The second season (Spartacus: Vengeance) is set to air in January 2012. There's a four minute preview of the new season available on the Starz website.

You've got your work cut out for you, Liam. And large shoes to fill.

Best Christmas Movies: Tim Burton Edition

2011-12-16T11:21:00.002-05:00

Tim Burton is probably most known for his visual style, typically mashing up twisted and frightening images with the mundane world of American suburbia. Given the prevalence of ghosts, demons and creepity critters, Halloween is obviously his thematic holiday of choice, however it doesn’t take much digging to see that the guy has a major thing for Christmas. Almost all of his movies set at least some part of their action around the holiday season, so while he doesn’t make “Christmas” movies, per se, you can still find some truly innovative classics showing up around this time.

For my money, the best Christmas-ish movie that he’s done is Edward Scissorhands. I admit a certain amount of nostalgia blinds me a bit on this one – without going too far into the Ghosts of Clovis’ Past, I confess that the first date I ever went on was to see this movie. It also hits my sweet spot of showcasing characters that are essentially damaged beyond repair, but still trying to be something more than what they are.

Edward Scissorhands is a fairy tale about change and how to become something better, more beautiful. Edward, played by Johnny Depp, is a not-quite finished creation of a dead inventor, played by Vincent Price in his final role. Edward is shy and unsure, but has developed a talent for using the scissors he has for hands to make beautiful sculptures out of plants, bushes and ice. He’s trying to convert the loneliness and darkness of his life into something beautiful. Likewise, Winona Ryder’s Kim starts off as the “cool kid” cheerleader dating the controlling and violent Jim. Kim comes to love Edward after seeing beyond what’s on the surface and grows as a person because of it. But the most obvious example comes from the movie’s epilogue, where (spoilers!) an aging Kim tells the story of Edward to her young granddaughter on a cold winter night, explaining that before Edward came down from his mountaintop castle, it never snowed and afterwards it did, showcasing an entire community the manages to change and evolve after its involvement with someone new.

I’m a sucker for the visuals of the movie. Winona Ryder dancing in the snowfall created by Edward’s gigantic ice sculptures while Danny Elfman’s angelic score plays is easily the movie’s most iconic scene and absolutely the one that I look forward to every single time I watch it. I think I was lucky to see the movie as a very young teenager. The illustration of the simple and sweet love between Edward and Kim, uncomplicated by messy adult reality of the same emotion, is pretty much perfect for someone that age. Add in a very unsubtle dash of angst about connection and the inability to touch and hold someone, made literal by Edward’s hands, and you’ve got the perfect preteen emotional cocktail.

I'm 33 years old and this still melts my sad, bitter heart.

As such, it’s easy to see how Burton isn’t exactly hiding that this movie is a fantasy of himself and his own childhood. The nondescript suburban community tracks nicely with his own childhood in Burbank, California and Edward himself, wild-haired, shy, misunderstood artistic marvel that he is, is an obvious placeholder for how Burton sees himself. It’s that kind of nostalgia that so easily brings this movie into the Christmas movie pantheon, and not just because the final act is set on Christmas Eve. It aims for (and, largely, hits) all the same themes that traditional Christmas movies employ – innocence, family, love. Even Christmas cookies play a role.

The lessons and themes of Edward Scissorhands are not overly complex, but that doesn’t make them any less entertaining. Christmas movies are largely stuffed to the gills with sentimentality, from Dickens’ miserly Scrooge to modern family holiday flicks where everyone lives in a large country house and there’s always snow on the ground. We watch these movies to feel sentimental; to hope for, as Bing Crosby sang, a Christmas “just like the ones I used to know.” For me, who first saw this movie a few weeks before Christmas at age 13, it exactly fits the bill.

And even though it’s been over 20 years since I first saw this movie, I still listen to the Danny Elfman soundtrack every single bloody time it snows.

Recapping AHS: We Didn't Start The Fire

2011-12-15T10:53:00.004-05:00

Sorry for the delay, all. Vacation got in the way. That means two AHS recaps for you this week! Hooray!

In 1994, Constance is serving a ridiculously candied ham to Tate, Addie and Burning Man in what I suppose is meant to be a family dinner. Tate offers to say grace, which in true angsty teenage grunge fashion, is pretty bitter, citing his father who “ran away” from the family and being grateful that his mother is shaking up with a man she doesn’t love who let his original family burn. Addie, either being the cutest or the slyest person, offers a hearty “Amen.” Burning Man says Tate will understand better when he’s older, meanwhile who wants tickets to Brigadoon next week? Tate blames Burning Man for killing Beau but Constance tells him to shut it. Because she’s awesome, Addie just keeps eating dinner. Later, Tate does lines of coke in his bedroom and retrieves a weapons stockpile from under his bed, including sniper rifle, because I guess he was planning on joining the Michigan Militia? Survivalist fantasies be damned, he instead goes to Burning Man’s office and douses him with gasoline, setting him on fire before heading off to the high school to get in touch with his inner Columbine.

Monday mornings at the office can really burn you, you know?

Act I! Ben comes to the hospital to apologize to Vivien and says that he knows she was raped and that the twins have two fathers. He says she can be released just as soon as they work out the “legal hiccups” of Vivien shooting Ben. Vivien refuses to return to the house. Elsewhere, detectives tell Constance that Travis is dead and show her the gruesome crime scene photos, because the LAPD is nothing if not sensitive. Back in the house, Ben is dealing with a sudden infestation of flies and is visited by a truancy officer who says Violet hasn’t been to school in 16 days. Ben tells Violet they can find her a new school, but she has to start going, which she agrees to. Constance visits Burning Man, pretending she just wants comfort but quickly pulling a knife on him and blaming him for killing Travis. Burning Man says he only moved the body and that one of the ghosts killed him. Constance realizes tells Burning Man she never loved him and that even dead, Travis is still twice the man. Burning Man says, “He is now.” Oh snap. Back home, Violet is leaving to go to school when Tate forcibly stops her from leaving the house. (I see where you’re going with this, show!) The detectives are back, suspecting that Constance, who doesn’t help her case by insulting the Korean race and then accidentally dropping the knife that she threatened Burning Man with from her purse.

Act II! Downtown, the detectives remark how people close to Constance seem to end up dead, like her three children, or missing, like her husband and Moira. A flashback reveals that Constance is the one who buried Moira’s body and she did it in her shoulder pads and high heels. Also, she ground up her husband’s body and fed it to her dogs in the basement. Constance is hardcore. Before the detectives can j’accuse her too much, they are shooed out by a lawyer, who, because he’s a new character, I’m betting will either end up dead in the basement or having sex with Vivien. At the house, an exterminator is checking the crawlspace under the house for the source of the flies. He discovers something that freaks him out, but before he can scramble out, he’s killed by Tate. While making his way up to the attic where Violet is hiding out, Tate overhears Ben talking with a boarding school. He tells Violet Ben wants to keep them apart, but he’s going to take care of it and then dons the Gimp suit to become Justice Man!

Act III! In the basement, Burning Man is recovering Travis’ clothes. (Sidebar, how thick are the walls in this house that ALL these people can get in without anyone in other rooms hearing them?) Travis wants to know if he’s made the news and Burning Man tells him they’re now referring to him as the “Boy Dahlia”. They’re interrupted by two burned little girls playing tea party in the corner, who ask Travis to come back to play. As Burning Man watches them, his still-smoldering wife comments on how good Travis is with the girls, marking yet another time in Burning Man’s life where Travis has upstaged him with people he cares about. Burning Man asks why he’s finally seeing his family now, after all this time. His wife tells him that he’s “on the cusp” and it’s about as sweet of a scene as you can have with four people who are literally burned to death. Burning Man says he’ll make Constance pay for what she did, but his wife reminds him that Constance isn’t the responsible one. Cut to Ben naked in the shower, a return to earlier themes, when he is suddenly attacked by GimpTate. They tussle and Ben manages to unmask Tate just as he is losing consciousness from chloroform. Man, Hollywood loves that stuff, don’t they?

Pictured: The moment this show admitted it's just a vehicle for all your Dylan McDermott S&M fantasies.

In the attic, Tate tries to convince Violet to commit suicide with him, “like Romeo and Juliet”. Violet seems to agree, but then tries to get away from Tate. She runs outside and calls for help, but the passing couple on the street doesn’t hear her, although their dog does. She tries to run off the grounds, but is instantly back in the kitchen. She tries multiple times to leave, but always comes back to the house. She tells Tate she doesn’t want to die, but he says “it’s too late for that.” I TOTALLY CALLED THIS ONE! MUST CREDIT CLOVIS!

Act IV! Tate takes Violet to the basement crawlspace and shows her the source of all those flies – it’s her rapidly decaying body. She died back in the bathtub with that suicide “attempt.” Downtown, the detectives tell Constance that Burning Man has confessed to Travis’s murder and want to know if she can help ascertain his motive. Constance suggests he confessed to pacify his guilty conscience. Back in Violet’s room, Tate and Violet discuss the practicalities of dating while dead. Neither actually remember dying, but Tate says it’s okay because now they’ll be together forever. It’s not clear if Violet’s all that thrilled about this. In jail, and hilariously next to a “no smoking” sign, Burning Man tells Constance he confessed because he needs to pay for his crimes with her. Constance tells him, “You’re going to die in here.”

Next time – BABIES!!!

Does liking this make me a bad person? (Yes.)

2011-12-08T06:10:00.002-05:00

I have a good friend at work who LOVES reality TV (you know who you are). One of her favorite shows is Toddlers and Tiaras. While channel surfing last night, I figured it would be the perfect background noise while I packed up for my trip. Here's how that went...

First 15 minutes - "OMG, these parents are sick. They are spray tanning 4-year olds! Also, that much hair spray can't be good for them. Huh, is there another episode after this...?"
After an hour - "I guess the girls enjoy themselves, though. At least some of them? And some of their little outfits are so cute!"
Two and a half hours later - "I can't wait to see who wins Grand Supreme - Mackenzie's got the personality, but Eden's such a consummate professional."
Two hours and thirty-one minutes - "I... have to turn off the TV now."

Creepy, yet so addictive!

Obviously, this is a normal reaction or the show wouldn't still be on the air... right? I mean, I am pretty certain that intellectual feminists who were themselves tomboys are not included in the target demographic for child pageant shows. But Toddlers and Tiaras uses all the reality show editing tricks (manufactured pauses, overly dramatic music, etc etc) to add to the human drama of it all. With such rich source material (psycho moms, sobbing toddlers, and that ruthless, do-anything-to-win attitude), it's not hard to create something that, I am forced to admit, is strangely compelling.

If you value your dignity, do not tune in to Toddler and Tiaras, Wednesdays at 10pm on TLC.

Second star to the right and straight on til zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

2011-12-07T10:57:00.000-05:00

I tried with this one guys, I really did. Although I'm not sure why; SyFy's previous miniseries events (Alice, Tin Man) impressed me so little with their promos that I didn't even bother watching them. Maybe it's because we're in the winter hiatus or because I needed something to write about here on the blog, but I gave Neverland a shot. And I sat through the whole thing so you can't say I didn't try.

I did not like it.

It wasn't all bad; I'd say as a whole the performances were enjoyable and it was nice to see Rhys Ifans (Notting Hill, HP: The Deathly Hallows) playing something other than a weird crazy dude. He was quite swashbuckling in this and more than a little scary. And I thought the best thing about the entire show was the kid who played Peter. He was adorable (and is going to be a real looker in a couple years) and practically oozes chemistry. I'm also kind of a sucker for Anna Friel (Chuck in Pushing Daisies) who was rocking an awesome version of her native British accent.

Seriously, this kid is totes cute.

But that's kind of where the good stuff ends for me. I think the biggest problem with the show was just that I found it boring. That's not to say that nothing happened, in fact, I think you could argue that too much happened--the plot was stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey. But Neverland is an origin story. And in almost all cases origin stories bore me. You know how everyone lost their minds when The Dark Knight came out and was agog over the origins of Batman? I thought that movie was ok, but nothing special.

I don't really care why the pirates, Indians (ahem, NATIVE AMERICANS), lost boys, and others ended up in Neverland. The cool thing about Neverland is that it was full of all this random shit for no real reason. Of COURSE there were a bunch of pirates there. It's all about the wonder of childhood and imagination and if you are a young boy pirates and Indians and hot fairies are way up there on the cool list. I don't need to spend 4 hours learning all about the WHY of how these characters got there. In fact, the last 10 minutes or the show were the most interesting to me. At that point the characters had become the ones we know from Peter Pan and things were just about to kick into gear with the story and then... BAM. Show over. Dammit.

Another big problem I had with the production was the over-use of green screen background effects. I imagine it's cheaper to shoot on a soundstage with a couple of live props and then green screen in the rest of Neverland. But to me it's blatantly obvious green screen. I know it's television and I don't expect Avatar level special effects, but save it for a few shots and try to ground the show more in reality, you know? It looks flat and fake and makes it hard for me to get into the show. This is a chronic problem with SyFy miniseries and I hate to say it but it's something I can't really get over. It's just one of my pet peeves I suppose.

Another thing that distracted me was Rhys Ifans enormous head. I know he is like 7 feet tall, but DEAR GOD his noggin is huge.

I'm willing to bet if I was a kid I would have really dug Neverland. But as an adult...it just didn't do it for me. Now if they made a sequel with Peter, Wendy, et al I could really get into that. If you didn't tune in to Neverland when it aired, I suggest skipping your visit. For a show filled to the brim with fantasy, it didn't seem very magical to me.

Recapping AHS: Love is Kinda Crazy

2011-12-05T22:37:00.003-05:00

Okay, guys – it’s time to slow things down. After going completely crazy the last couple of episodes, our story took a break this week into only kind of losing its shit.

We begin in a jazzier, swinging-ier time – 1947. A cab drops off a smartly dressed young woman to the house, which is home and business to a dentist. The woman, stunt-casted by Mena Suvari, is in need of a filling (ahem) and has no money to pay for it aside from what Joni Mitchell would have called “being a good cook – I’m sitting on my groceries.” The good doctor takes her up on the offer, mentioning that the flower in her hair is a dahlia. The next morning, a woman and her daughter find the gruesome remains of the young woman’s body in a field; she’s been cut up, torso severed from the rest of her, with a Glasgow smile cut into her. The house finally gets a real celebrity murder – our gal was The Black Dahlia.

It's hard to make a joke about disfiguring girls funny, really.

Act I! Sexy Moira and her ass are making the bed and coming on to Ben. Ben actually turns it down for once but she insists that with Ben, the spirit is willing (heh), so it’s just a matter of time until he gives in. Next door, Constance is painting something straight out of Hieronymus Bosch and boozing herself silly, upsetting her Boytoy. He leaves and encounters Hayden, just chilling at the house next door. It takes all of two minutes before Hayden’s sexing him down in the basement. He promises not to tell Constance about the two of them, but Hayden insists that he should since sex is the only weapon he has. Later, Ben is interrupted by Hayden’s sister, who insists that something has happened to her. It looks like we’re going to get another gazebo joke when suddenly Hayden walks into the kitchen and is all, “oh hey guys. ‘Sup?” The sister leaves, apparently satisfied Ben didn’t kill anyone (double heh) and Ben tries to kick Hayden out. I no longer can tell if Ben believes that Hayden is living or dead. Seems like he should be a little more freaked out by seeing her around. Anyway, the Black Dahlia is in the living room, asking to see Ben because she needs a shrink. Finally, a patient Ben can’t make any worse than she already is. Ben asks her about payment and we’re right back where we started. Ben again uncharacteristically denies her advances, but daydreams pretty graphically about accepting. Ben’s actually come a long way from voyering and then cry-jerking himself back in the Pilot. A phone call from Vivien’s doctor brings news – Vivien’s twins actually have two fathers. OMG I TOTALLY CALLED IT, YOU GUYS!!!

Act II! Constance believes Violet has been sexing the boytoy but Old Moira says fat chance, she loves Tate and isn’t that going to be awkward when she finds out Tate is the father of one of her future brothers. The news of Tate’s fatherhood is not welcome for Constance, who finds Tate in the basement and beats the ghostly tar out of him, saying he’s risked everything. Upstairs, Ben encounters Sexy Moira getting physical with the Dahlia and despite being massively turned on, leaves. Dahlia is confused, saying that was “supposed to work”, but Hayden is suddenly on the scene and disagrees. Dahlia tells Hayden she only ever wanted to be famous and Hayden has to let her in on the uncomfortable fact that she kind of is. Flashback to 1947, the dentist used ether on her, having sex with her body before realizing he accidently killed her via overdose. How to fix this problem? Let ghostly Dr. Montgomery and his trigger-happy surgical scalpel help! Doc Montgomery carves her up, but at least doesn’t graft any animal parts on. In the modern day, Vivien has been kept sedated in the mental ward. Ben visits and tells her that he has no intention of helping her get out of there now that he knows she has been unfaithful to him. This may sound like hypocrisy, but given that Vivien gave him no end of pain for his indiscretion and Ben doesn’t know the ghostly side I can see why he’d be so righteous.

Act III! Ben and Hayden remember starting their affair back in Boston. Hayden is convinced they were destined to be together, but Ben, sensibly, sees it differently – he was just lonely and sad in his marriage. Who is this Ben who suddenly makes cogent arguments and demonstrates insight? In her house, Constance apologizes to boytoy and asks him to marry her. She says there will be a baby soon and that baby’s going to need a proper father. It’s a sign of how unhinged the news of her expectant grandmotherhood has made her that she thinks boytoy with his nonexistent underwear modeling career is the right man for the job. When he denies that he wants to be a father with her, she brings this up and mentions that it was her dream to be beautiful and famous once too then chases him out of the house and back to Hayden for some angry basement hate sex. Hayden wants to go for round two, but boytoy makes a sudden about-face and decides maybe fatherhood would be kind of cool actually. Never talk sense to Hayden. She accepts the news by burying a knife into boytoy’s back several times.

Act IV! Boytoy (I guess I have to start him calling Travis since it looks like he’s going to be around), Hayden, the Dahlia and Dr. Montgomery consider how to get rid of the body. Hayden says someone owes her a favor – cut to Burning Man dumping boytoy’s Dahlia-esque dismembered body in vacant lot. God, I would have killed to have heard that phone call between the two of them. “What’s up?” “Not Much. Remember how you killed me? You owe me, dude…” In the hospital, Constance visits Vivien who and says the babies are growing very fast. Constance says she’ll be there for her.

Duplicitous, psychotic Avon calling!

Back home, Ben confronts Security Guard Luke about his affair with Vivien, but Luke says not only has he not done anything, he’s sterile and can’t have children. Later Ben contemplates the gimp mask (why the hell is that thing still in the house?) and tells Sexy Moira that maybe Vivien was actually attacked like she claimed. Then the Big Moment happens – Moira finally quits the cheesy porn dialogue and suddenly Ben sees her in her older form. Moira tells him he’s finally learning to see the truth of things. This plot development, btw, was BADLY needed and actually really exciting. Next door, Constance listens to the medium tell a story about how whenever a new Pope is chosen, he is taken to the Room of Tears and given a box that tells the precise nature of the Antichrist, a child born of human and spirit in a perversion of the conception of Jesus. Gasp!

Next week – the jig, she is starting to be up.

Charles Dickens was really a socialist

2011-12-05T07:00:00.000-05:00

Muppets are big right now. The new Muppet movie is out in theaters and getting rave reviews and you can't turn on the tv, listen to the radio, or interact with another human being without hearing about the muppets. And that's not a bad thing--the muppets are awesome. I think my favorite is one of the newer muppets--Pepe the King Prawn. Which is kind of funny because Pepe isn't even in my favorite of all the muppet movies: The Muppet Christmas Carol.

My last Christmas movie post (and Clovis' comment following it) mentioned how we as a culture seem to have this idea of a perfect nostalgic Christmas. It's almost like we all have a rose and gold-shaded memory of a perfect Christmas that we keep locked in a snow globe forever. Our current holidays never seem to quite measure up, and in my opinion, it's all Charles Dickens' fault.

Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol is the Christmas story that all other Christmas stories are measured against. The main character, Scrooge, starts out a miserable miser who hates Christmas. But with a little help from some ghosts and time travel he comes to embrace all the most perfect ideals of Christmas: love, hope, kindness, sharing, friendship, snow, goose and puddings, top hats....

See what I mean? I think we forever view Christmas through a Victorian Dickens lens. The Muppet Christmas Carol is a refreshing romp through Dickens' world that manages to capture all the magic and emotion of the source material with some modern humor (and adorableness) thrown in from the muppets. Scrooge is played by Michael Cain (in what I think is one of his finest roles) and Kermit gets Bob Cratchit, Miss. Piggy his wife, Gonzo the narrator Charles Dickens, and Rizzo the rat his partner in narrating crime. The songs are super catchy, the score is excellent, and the script is whip smart, pulling a lot of the dialogue directly from Dickens' novella...but with some signature muppet touches of course.

Why Charles Dickens, I had no idea you had a hooked nose.

People try to put a fresh spin on classic tales all the time, but I think The Muppet Christmas Carol is one of the most successful. The love and respect that the creators have for the original book is clear, but they aren't afraid to poke a bit of fun at those (now) cliched Victoria ideals of Christmas. But none of that detracts from letting you feel what Dickens' wanted you to feel. Even though Tiny Tim is portrayed by a little felt frog, when he's singing I always tear up. When Scrooge discovers the true meaning of Christmas, I still get goosebumps. And when the Ghost of Christmas Present shows Scrooge how wonderful Christmas can be, I want to cheer.

Isn't he one of the most adorable things you have ever seen?

I have to confess that I also experience some fiendish glee at the end of the film--when Scrooge comes to the realization that the best way to live your life is by "sharing the wealth" and helping those in need; "if you want to know, the measure of a man, you simply count his friends." I always wonder how the ultra conservatives feel about that part. How the "true meaning of Christmas" is the redistribution of assets to help others. I think deep down we all know that giving to others is the best way to celebrate Christmas, but in our modern world driven by deep divides based on politics, race, religion, and countless others--it's nice to have a reminder. And learning the lesson from a group of adorable puppets definitely helps the medicine go down.

It takes a good actor to sell interacting with a six foot tall giant bearded ghost. But Michael Caine makes this look good.

The Best Christmas Movies: why can't a guy be crazy AND be Santa Claus?

2011-12-01T08:49:00.000-05:00

It's finally the first of December, and you know what that means! It's officially ok to get excited about Christmas!

Thanksgiving has come and gone, it's nearing the end of the year...and it is no longer uncool to listen to Christmas music or deck the halls. You might be wondering why a Jew like me loves Christmas so much, but all I can say is 1) we always had a Christmas tree and celebrated Christmas and 2) mind your own damn business.

Seriously though, I love Christmas and to honor the spirit of the season, I've decided to start a new series of posts dedicated to my favorite Christmas movies. I figure they all air on tv at some point during this time of year, so it's not entirely outside the realm of the blog. Not like I care anyway. You people will read what I write and like it, dammit.

That's the spirit!

Up first, the perfect gateway movie. Miracle on 34th Street. And I don't mean the lame remake version from 1994, I mean the old school black and white* 1947 original. This movie stars one of my favorite actresses, Maureen O'Hara (the Mom from the original Parent Trap) and asks the question: if someone claims that they are Santa Claus are they delightfully crazy or just really crazy? Just kidding--the movie is actually about why it's important to have belief and imagination and how dreams can come true. Also, why the United States Postal Service is awesome.

I call this a gateway movie, because it starts out on Thanksgiving. Maureen O'Hara is a working Mom who is in charge of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade--and has to find a new Santa in a hurry. The guy she finds seems like the perfect Santa--until he begins to tell everyone that he really IS Santa. From there we are firmly in Christmas mode, but it's nice to start off with Thanksgiving. If you aren't totally in the Christmas spirit yet, this might be a good way to get there.

Yes, I'm sure you're a very nice crazy man who thinks he is Santa Claus. Now get away from me before I call the cops and have you committed. Oops, too late!

The movie is also delightful for all the period references, such as how many of the characters casually smoke while getting ready for (and lying in ) bed. It's also interesting how one of the central themes of the movie is rediscovering the "true meaning" and magic of Christmas. Apparently people in the 1940s were fond of going on and on about how commercial Christmas had become and how nobody really remembered what it was really about, not like in the good old days. Which begs the question: has Christmas really changed that much even now? Seems to me that it was ALWAYS commercial if even 60 years ago people had the same gripes. I mean, when were the good old days? Probably the 1800s...before there was any kind of commercialism. Because there was no industry. And you were lucky to get a single piece of candy for Christmas so quit your whining and go back to bed because that cow isn't going to milk itself come morning!

To sum up, Miracle on 34th Street is the perfect movie to get you in the holiday mood. Adorable kids, adorable old people, romance, a happy and somewhat mysterious ending (was he really Santa Claus???), and a sense that things might work out ok after all. Even for us working stiffs. So grab some hot chocolate, wrap yourself in a blanket, and prepare to have your heart warmed!

I love you Santa Claus. Now give me a house or I refuse to believe in you.

* I wouldn't normally recommend that you seek out a colorized version of an old movie, but in this case I think it's worth it. It's a Christmas movie after all, and you want to see the green of the Christmas tree and the red of Santa's suit. Also, Maureen O'Hara is a red-head and you should never miss a ginger viewing opportunity.

Recapping AHS: Who's Your (Baby) Daddy?

2011-11-30T19:41:00.005-05:00

OMG you guys –shit just got real. We begin six months ago, as the Harmons are moving in. Lady Macbeth is moving through the house weeping and deeming everything “all wrong”. She seems confused as to where she is and why the furniture that isn’t hers is so cheap, which just goes to show how successful Ethan Allen Furniture would have been in the 1920s. A shadow-y man enters and she demands to know what’s happened to her baby. The man says he will help her and we cut to the first episode and the first of what would become many Gimp/Vivien slash scenes. As Ben does his naked walkabout from that night, he actually passes the gimp leaving Vivien’s room, walk of shame be damned. The Gimp goes downstairs and unmasks to reveal… Tate. Meaning that in addition to every other bit of crazy, this story now has a ghost who’s impregnated his girlfriend’s mom.

Act I! Vivien, Moira and Marcie, the real estate agent, look at the old pictures of Lady Macbeth and hilariously suggest that maybe the ghost was just a doppelganger. That disappeared from the kitchen. Marcie is worried because Sleazy from last week hasn’t returned her phone call about an offer on the house. Heh. In a flashback, Spock has coffee with a girlfriend and talks about his problems with his husband, who no longer wants a baby like they originally planned. Instead, he’s been distant, distracted, sleepwalking and making sexy talk online with guys at an S&M social network. They really do have one of those for everyone, I guess. GF suggests that Spock do something to make married life interesting again, so Spock checks out a sex shop and looks at really painful toys. The clerk suggests buying the gimp outfit, which is meant to dehumanize the wearer and is also very slimming in black. That night, Spock dresses as the Gimp and approaches Mr. Spock, who laughs off the seduction saying he prefers leather, not rubber. The two argue and somehow Mr. Spock gets even more naked before storming off to hook up with hotleatherman25 or something.

Somewhere, a repressed Star Trek fan's head just exploded for joy.

Spock cries and we flash confusingly forward to Lady Macbeth crying in the same position before Hayden yells from the other room that she’s ghosting over here and would you please keep it down? Hayden’s had a busy afterlife, hooking up with all the other ghosts in the house, including Constance’s murdered husband. She tells Lady Macbeth that she’s dead, get over it, but Lady Macbeth doesn’t remember killing her husband or herself. They bond over the fact that they’ve both lost children, Lady Macbeth to a psycho and Hayden to Ben and his shovel, and they get angry that Vivien is going to have two – maybe they should take them from her?

Act II! Vivien is going to bed when she thinks she hears something in the hallway and then the red rubber ball rolls toward her out of the darkness. Hayden’s disembodied voice is suddenly laughing while making lights spark and generally acting like something out of Craig T. Nelson’s homeownership nightmares. Cut to Halloween of last year, the GimpTate is killing Spock when Mr. Spock walks in. Beat downs ensue and, as was foreshadowed back in episode one, Mr. Spock gets the business end of a fireplace poker up his, well, business end. GimpTate explains to Lady Macbeth that they were going to have a baby, but now they’re not, so if they’re dead, maybe a new family will move in that can give Lady Macbeth her baby back? Back again to our time, Violet is playing in the basement with the red ball and talking kindly to something in the darkness. Ben is worried because Violet hasn’t been to school in two weeks. And she’s stopped eating. And feeling sullen. Aw crap, Violet’s totally dead, isn’t she? We’ll have to wait to find out for sure, because in the kitchen Vivien is telling Moira about having hallucinations. Moira tells her not to worry, it’s not that she’s going crazy, the house is just wicked haunted by at least 11 ghosts. Vivien is all “oh HELL no” and grabs Violet, saying they’re leaving pronto. They try to drive off, but the ghosts of the two home invaders from Episode 2 are waiting in the backseat and scare them back into the house.

Act III! Ben is pissed at Vivien for trying to take Violet out of state to Florida. I’ve been to Florida. I’m on Ben’s side on this one. Ben says maybe the hallucinations are the result of mad cow disease, which one gets from eating raw brains, done anything like that lately, honey? Upstairs, Violet and Tate have apparently just had sex because they’re more or less naked and in bed, marking the first time this show has not gone with the sexy. Tate tells Violet he’ll always be there for her, but she can never tell Vivien about the ghosts in the house. Meanwhile, Vivien is going all Roswell, claiming that everything is a giant conspiracy between Ben and Hayden to get her out of the house and also there are ghosts. She asks Violet to corroborate, given the home invasion, but Violet lies and says that she never saw anything ghostly that night. Vivien calls Marcie over then pretends to get a migraine so she can steal Marcie’s gun from her. Smooth move, actually. That night, as she tries to sleep someone is in the room with her, moving in the shadows. Vivien hits the panic button (literally) and grabs the gun, shooting wildly and accidentally hitting Ben as he comes in to see what’s going on.

Act IV! The cops arrive, including Luke the security guy. Ben says the bullet didn't hit him. Possibly a plot point, possibly just bad writing. We'll see. Luke tried to get in because he doesn't trust Ben, but also because he wants to sex Vivien, who is apparently the new Ben in terms of needing to have someone try to have sex with her in every episode. Upstairs, Vivien is struggling under the Valium that Ben gave her to calm her down. Hayden starts yelling at Vivien, saying that Ben is pathetic. Vivien (and all of us) agree. But then Hayden wants Viv's babies and brings GimpTate for yet another round of But-It-Was-Just-A-Dream sex ending with Ben and Luke having to hold Vivien down and call in the men in the white coats. Ben's had Vivien committed because she's a danger to herself and the babies. Vivien is walked out of the house in dramatic slo-mo, shooting Violet a deathlook on the way out for not backing her up.

Make 'em pay... make 'em all pay...

One final flashback to Tate and Moira in the basement with dead Mr. Spock and a rapidly dying Spock. Moira instructs Tate, still in the gimp suit, on how to kill them both to make it look like a murder-suicide. Tate remarks that it’s kind of romantic; this way they’ll be together forever and btw he’s still totally not gay. Also, how is that Basement so clean and free of blood stains? This is, like, the 25^th murder to happen down there.

Next week – The Pope shows up. Seriously, you guys, the mothereffing Pope.

Monkey Sri recaps (squee-caps?) Glee

2011-11-29T22:04:00.001-05:00

Since Whitney's in Thailand, I thought I'd pick up our reviews of ~~everyone's~~ my favorite show - Glee. Spoilers, AHOY!

Last week, Finn took the trash talk to a new level when he outed Santana in a crowded hallway. Word got back to one of Sue Sylvester's opponents in the special election that she had a lesbian as head cheerleader, and he decided to use this information in an attack ad against Sue. Santana was forced to tell her parents (before they saw it on TV) and deal with the fall-out afterwards. The episode centered around the gleeks showing their support for Santana by singing songs by various female artists.

As usual with Glee, they handled this delicate issue with all the subtlety of hitting their audience in the face with a two-by-four. The boys all sang girl songs. At one point, Santana was visibly tearful. After the ad aired, some jock was harassing Santana and literally all the glee girls showed up to defend her. And then they broke out singing "I Kissed A Girl" by Katy Perry.

Seriously?

HOWEVER. I still loved it! I totally buy the clumsy, sincere, naive efforts of the glee kids to be accepting and/or tolerant. When you are in high school, you are clumsy, sincere, and naive. And at the end of the day, I prefer to hear this message (as it were) loud and proud than to have it couched in clever writing and thoughtful commentary. The message itself it too important to be missed by the little teenage gleeks all over the world - that it's OK to be gay.

A couple other of my faves (Kurt, obvy, as well as Coach Beast) also got their own subplots. AND when Rachel did something reprehensible, she was actually punished! So, a highly satisfactory episode all in all. I can't wait for Sectionals next week!

Ignorance is Bliss

2011-11-29T10:12:00.000-05:00

There's a lot of ways to enjoy your favorite television shows. There are some shows that are best viewed on the surface alone. For example: America's Next Top Model, Gossip Girl, or any other soapy guilty pleasure. These are not the kind of shows that you need to commit to an in-depth analysis. Somebody gets beer thrown on their weave, somebody gets engaged to a French prince, somebody gets tossed off a building and miraculously survives...these are all things that we just accept.

On the other end of the spectrum you have shows like LOST that are just begging you to analyze them. The writers seem to cry out "please spend hours of your life nitpicking every second of this show so you can truly appreciate how clever we are!" There are special websites, books, and countless fan forums dedicated to uncovering the mysteries contained in the 44 minutes of air-time. And in cases like this, unearthing those little tidbits adds to the pleasure you derive from watching.

But what about the shows in the middle? For me personally, there's a lot of shows where I want to just watch superficially, but it seems like everyone else enjoys picking them apart (perfect example: Glee). This is a problem, because in a lot of cases I find that the more I learn about a show or the more people talk about it...the less I enjoy it. Right now I am struggling with this the most regarding the second season of The Walking Dead which aired its midseason finale on Sunday evening.

I visit a lot of websites that talk about tv (duh), and many of them post recaps of The Walking Dead. As soon as the recaps are up I intensely devour them...but here's the thing. The recaps tend to contain color commentary pointing out the show's flaws and many times it's things I don't particularly notice. For example, I didn't really notice that Season 2 of The Walking Dead was more "talky" or that the reason the farm still has running water and electricity was never addressed. Mostly because whenever I watch the show I am in such a constant state of anxiety it's all I can do to keep my eyes on the screen. But when these flaws are pointed out to me--it kind of ruins the show.

See, normally I would watch this season and think that it showcased some nice character work. But the internet tells me it's boring, repetitive, and overly talky.

I know what you are thinking. "Aren't those kind of flaws obvious and shouldn't you notice them on your own?" But what you don't realize is that I possess this great skill of turning my brain off at will and just...enjoying what I am watching. Except now all I see when I watch interactions between Laurie and the male characters is the inherent misogynism. And the lack of complexity of the secondary characters. Or how it is that Carl got shot in the chest and a few days later is up and wandering around. Argh! Can't I just watch a show about zombies chomping on people in peace?!

You and I both know the solution. Stop reading other people's opinions. But have you ever tried to not read your favorite blogs? I'm not sure I possess the necessary willpower. I'm going to have to give it a try though because in this case--knowledge is definitely not power. Really all knowledge is doing is popping my zombie fun balloon.

And I like my zombie fun balloon. I like it a lot.